FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Puppy bedtime came sooner than Aran appreciated, as it had on every day of his treatment so far. The wolf did not know whether it was because of the time, and because he found it difficult to fall asleep, or that it was simply one of those times at which his puppy identity was strongly reinforced.

Aran still thought about what Jennifer had told him. For his entire life, he had held on to the wrong image of his mother. Given, she_did_ practically disown him, and she never protected him against the rage of his father, but he understood the wolfess better now.

Even though his mother was the last thing on his mind before he fell asleep, his mind soon showed him images he would have rather fled from. In his dream, Aran relived a memory of one of the many times when he bullied Gina.

However, the wolf felt like this time was different, as if he was offered an opportunity to change his mind. His hand was raised, ready to claw at Gina and ruin her beautiful headfur. With all the will he could muster, Aran forced himself to lower his arm.

At that point, the scenery changed from their middle school to the garage of Aran's parental home - the place where his father was often found tinkering with an old car. The wolf briefly wondered why Gina was now on the floor of the garage, as she had never been near his home.

He was interrupted by a male voice to his left. It sounded like his father, but also like Kaiser, which the wolf found confusing. The voice seemed to be mumbling indiscernible words, increasing its volume until it was close to shouting. Finally, it started to form understandable words.

"Do it! She deserves it!"

"Do what? I'm not going to hurt her."

"Why not? She's an impurity, Aran. Don't let her change the wolf you really are. You're bad, and you're good at it."

"What do you want from me?"

Aran now noticed the gas can at his feet.

"Eradicate her, kid. The only way to purify yourself is with fire."

"You're insane!" Aran spat back. "I know I'm bad, but I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to change."

"If you won't throw your dirt out, you'll become an impurity yourself," the voice said, suddenly angry. "Just like I've always said you are."

No longer did the voice sound like Kaiser, it was just Aran's father talking at this point. The black wolf tried to turn around, so he could finally give the grey wolf the beating he deserved. When Aran did so, he became scared.

He did not see his father, but rather a shadowy silhouette, like the one he had drawn for Jennifer earlier. However, this appearance was different, as the figure was rapidly growing larger. On second thought, the monster was not growing, but Aran was shrinking... to the size of an_actual_ puppy!

By now, the monstrosity's form had changed again, and resembled the second picture Aran had drawn. The voice was different again, a lot more disrupted than before. It picked up the gas can and screwed the lid off.

"This is how we deal with people like you," the figure said, pouring gasoline over Aran. "You're a disgrace!"

As the fuel hit his Aran's fur, he noticed that he did not feel like it actually touched him, save for a moist sensation near his crotch.

The monster lit a match and ignited the fuel, setting Aran on fire with a maniacal laugh. The figure moved closer to the wolf and laughed even louder. The black wolf felt an excruciating pain spread all over his body, even though he could not see any flames.

All his eyes could register was one last shift: the monster's image now became less blurry and its face changed into that of Aran's father. At last, the black wolf could no longer take the pain and woke up.

Unfortunately for Aran, waking up did not put an end to the pain. He soon realized that the burning and the pain were actually his withdrawal symptoms popping up again. Additionally, it became clear to him why he had only felt the gasoline at his crotch.

His diaper was probably soaked, but that was not the greatest concern Aran had. He tried to call out to Jennifer, but his muzzle was tensed up. Furthermore, he was still sucking on the pacifier, which muffled his voice and prevented barking as well.

It would not have been a problem if only his muzzle was tensed, as he would have managed to pull the pacifier out, even while wearing a mittened sleeper. Aran had no such luck, though. Similarly to previous attacks, the majority of his body refused to move.

The last resort Aran had was whimpering like little puppy, as much as he despised doing so. On the other paw, he did not care. He was in great pain, and he would do anything to get rid of it.

After a minute or two, Jennifer calmly entered the nursery. When she saw Aran's body language and noticed the expression in his eyes, she hastened to the crib and unlatched the side. The collie slid down the bars and sat down on the edge of the mattress.

"Aran, are you alright?" she asked, pulling the pacifier from his mouth.

"Burning... so much pain," was all Aran could reply.

Jennifer understood what she had to do and ran off, only to return with a puppy bottle in hand. Meanwhile, the wolf was no longer too tensed up to move, which allowed the two of them to position Aran in such a way that he would not choke on the antidote.

The wolf quickly drained the bottle, grateful that the muscles in his tongue and mouth were working well enough to drink. As they waited for the antidote to kick in, Jennifer did her best to calm down her charge with kind words.

"Are you alright?" she asked when Aran finally seemed to relax.

The wolf slowly shook his head.

"It was horrible. And I could, you know..." he replied, eying at his crotch.

"Let me guess, you had a little accident?"

"Yush, but not a 'little' accident, I'm afraid. Could you change me here, please?"

Jennifer nodded and gathered some supplies, along with a changing mat. It took a little effort and some straining to get the mat under Aran's bottom, but it beat having to move to the changing table. Whether he would walk or Jennifer would carry him, both options would be rather painful.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the collie asked as she unzipped Aran's sleeper.

The wolf tried to explain what he had seen, and that he had refused to hurt Gina. Jennifer said nothing, she just let her charge speak while she changed his diaper.

"I can still hear his laughter, it has been there all along. Even if I would fight him, he's too big; the man's too strong." Aran said with visible worry.

"Don't be afraid," the collie reassured, zipping the sleeper back up. "When you're done here, you won't feel the need to fight him anymore. You'll even be stronger, but not physically so."

"B-but... you don't understand it, Jennifer. It's not the first time my father haunted me in my dreams. Usually, after Mike and I had done something illegal, I'd have a nightmare afterwards, in which he would judge me and tell me how bad I had been. The only ways I've found to be effective in fighting his voice were drinking, and using ursaurine. I try to play it off, but it always returns."

"Aran, do you realize that it's not your father who's judging you?"

The wolf looked at his caregiver with a confused expression.

"It's a form of self-condemnation. You're telling yourself that you're a bad wolf, and because your father has said that many times to you, your mind is playing tricks on you. The most hazardous part of this construction is that you've started to believe those lies."

"But what about all I've done? I'm a hypocrite, and I'm even worse than-"

"Don't say that!" Jennifer cut him off. "You were going to say you're worse than your father, but listen carefully to me, Aran. That is_not_ true. You're a good puppy, and I love you, despite all you've done wrong."

Aran shook his head.

"No, I'm not 'good'. I do want to change, though. Even though I don't like this whole puppy treatment, I'll tolerate the childish stuff if this is what it takes to get rid of my nightmares."

"And of the feelings of guilt that are causing them," Jennifer added. "I'll do what I can to help you change your ways. Not just because it's my job, but because you're special to me."

She nudged her charge to lay back down. Aran complied and pulled his stuffed husky close. He wanted to ask Jennifer why he is special, but the collie had already put the pacifier back in his muzzle.

With a smile, she gave him a lick on his forehead. As she slid the side of the crib up, Aran noticed that it was not morning yet, and that he was still sleepy. He understood that his caregiver wanted him to go back to sleep, saving his questions for another day.

At the very moment Jennifer left the nursery, silently closing the door behind her, Aran traded the real world for the World of the Sleeping, in the hopes that he would not enter Dreamland again.