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Chapter 13

It never ceases to amaze me how one's priorities can change so quickly. Just when you think you're completely set in your ways, and you're positive you've finally mapped out the path your life is destined to take, in a heartbeat, it all changes and you're left just as confused and lost as you were before.

Or maybe, instead of lost, you've simply mapped out a new path...a new destiny. After all, things change, don't they? Life never stands still, or remains predictable no matter how routine it may look. One day you might be walking down the street, your only objective perhaps to get to work, or head for a tavern for a drink. Suddenly, out of nowhere someone threatens you at gun or knifepoint, demanding anything from money to sexual favours from you, and promising to end your life if you don't deliver. In that moment, any thoughts of work, the tavern, or anything other than survival are cast away.

In the aftermath, you quickly learn that your priorities have changed...and not just for that day. No...from now on your goals also include just surviving from day to day. The last thing you want is a repeat of what's happened, and maybe to that end you've taken precautions. Perhaps now, you carry a defense. It could be mace, pepper spray, a neural paralyzer, or even a gun. The point is, life changes...things change around you...and if you refuse to acknowledge that, then you risk being lost, and left behind as the world continues to revolve without you.

The walk home did exactly what it was supposed to do: It tired me out. By the time I reached the clearing and beheld my humble little dwelling I was exhausted. I knew the moment I laid down on that mat I'd be unconscious, which was a good thing given that I also knew I'd be sleeping alone.

For the entire length of my walk, I debated with myself over and over again if I should have told her...would it have made a difference? Maybe it was for the best that I'd waited. Had I not...had I told her from the outset, maybe she would have fled in the night, and I would have found her body days later, twisted and broken by the Therus Fever. At least now, she was cured of it and could strike out on her own once more, heartbreaking as that was for me.

Admittedly I'd been selfish. I'd wanted her to stay with me so badly, but I had no right to ask that. Sure, I could have mentioned that she owed me her life because I saved it, but I'm not like that. I'm not out to make someone a slave just because I helped them out...what kind of_packla_ would do a thing like that? Actually, a few different Clans came to mind to answer that question, but in any case I wasn't about to keep her here against her will...it wasn't my way.

Still, as I reached for that doorknob, I felt myself tensing. It was like I was bracing myself for the darkness that lay beyond that threshold...afraid that once I stepped inside I was going to be swallowed whole by my own solitude. However, I knew I couldn't stay outside all night, so with a deep breath and a low growl, I turned the knob and pushed.

The sight that greeted my eyes nearly made me fall over. Where I expected only darkness, the inside of the dwelling was bathed in a golden light, courtesy of several candles scattered throughout. A roaring fire blazed away in the fireplace, and my nose was filled with the sweet, spicy scent of incense.

I blinked several times, convinced I'd finally taken leave of my senses...that my eyes were now trying to compensate for how lonely I was feeling. Yet, no matter what I did to try to dispel the illusion before me, it was still there.

I glanced over and saw a table...it was nothing fancy, but it was a table nonetheless. Four chairs surrounded it, and on it I could see three tall taper candles, and what looked like a bottle of wine. Again, I blinked...was this all a dream? What was going on?

"Welcome home."

I spun on my heel towards the voice. My mind was still trying to process all of this, so when I beheld the vision of Te'Ki standing there, dressed in a black silk dress, I didn't react right away. I was still trying to wrap my head around all of it when she walked towards me. It wasn't until she craned her neck up and kissed me tenderly that everything finally registered...everything made sense.

I dropped everything and swept my darling cougar into my arms. She giggled but held me just as tightly as our muzzles locked together. I was careful not to squeeze her too hard, given my enhanced strength, but I held her as tightly as I dared, afraid to let go.

"I...I thought you were gone," I choked, barely able to speak as the kiss broke. "After what I said, I..."

"Shhhh," she soothed, putting a finger to my lips. She guided me over to the table, and I noticed that not only was there a bottle of wine, but two sealed heating pods, one at either end of table. These pods used a type of chemical reaction in its lining to keep things inside warm for a time. Again, the military first pioneered this technology, but it wasn't too long before these devices had found their way into the civilian market.

I sat down and waited for Te'Ki to do the same before opening up the pod. The scent of a perfectly-cooked_Twaro_ steak filled my nostrils and nearly made me cry. After so long eating marginally nutritious camp meals, wild fruit, and drinking nothing but water, I was convinced I hadn't made it down off that mountain...that I'd somehow died and wound up in Paradise.

Te'Ki giggled at my reaction to the food, but when she opened her pod the reaction was pretty much the same. "Your grandfather brought these down earlier today," she said. "Along with everything else here. He wanted to make sure your Coming of Age was the best it could be, given the circumstances."

"Just you still being here is more than I could have hoped for," I admitted, reaching for the wine. The label said it was bottled by the Whispering Winds Clan, a bobcat Clan several kilometers to the west of us. Their wines were world-renowned, as well as a popular export from Bengalis. Rumours actually abound that when the Confederation High Command holds a diplomatic function, the wine served comes from that very Clan. An exile consuming wine like this is akin to the Dark One Himself drinking the blood of the innocent...I couldn't wait.

I poured us each a glass before putting the bottle back down. The wine was a blush colour...just like the kind I remember everyone at home drinking on special occasions. It must have come from Grandfather's private stock. I remember at that moment reminding myself someday to repay him in kind for still considering me worthy of such a thing when everyone else had seemingly turned their back on me.

"Happy birthday," said Te'Ki, raising her glass. I did the same. We clinked glasses and each took a sip of the wine. The taste was familiar to me, but it was also new...mainly because I'd had nothing like this in over a year. There wasn't much alcohol in the wine, but given my lack of exposure, even that small sip was enough to make me feel light-headed.

"Thank you," I said. We picked up our cutlery and tried our best to eat like civilized folk...hmph...easier said than done. I purred through my first few bites, making sure each and every one of my teeth got a chance to chew each piece before finally swallowing. It had been so long...so very, very long since I'd had anything so delicious. People who talk about dining as an experience, or a pleasure must have been talking about a meal like this. This was no mere means to sustain oneself...this was art...this was a masterpiece of culinary effort. Up to that point, I couldn't think of anything that had brought me more pleasure...well...almost.

We ate in silence for what felt like forever. I began to feel full, and noticed close to half my meal was still there. I decided to slow down a bit, not wanting to make myself sick. Te'Ki seemed to pick up on this, and she too paused. "This sure beats that stew at the warehouse," she said, taking a sip of wine. "And you used to eat like this all the time?"

"Not really," I said. "Twaro steaks were more a special occasion kind of food...at least, ones prepared like this." I took another bite. "I mean sure, we'd have burgers or other dishes made from Twaro meat, but for Grandfather to make a meal like this, it meant something big."

"Can't think of anything bigger than one's Coming of Age," she said. She went silent again, and the look on her face seemed to transform before my eyes. What started as a happy, almost cheerful look seemed to darken in the expanse of a few moments. Even her eyes, which seemingly glowed like a pair of jewels in the candlelight seemed to dull. I tensed.

"Is everything all right?" I asked.

"You wanted to know why I stayed," she said finally, her voice now timid.

I nodded. "I thought when I told you what I was training to become, I'd scared you off," I said.

She smiled thinly. "No," she said. "I was just surprised. In the tribe lands, the Beast Walkers are considered the shepherds of the land. We never see them, but we know they're out there. Sometimes, late at night I used to hear them hunting. I'd hear a growl or a roar, followed by the sound of some small animal dying. When I was a kitten those sounds would scare me, but Mother always said it was a good sound...it meant we were blessed."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. In Shonto, the L'au Tari were considered deviants...evil...servants of the Dark One. Yet, in Tanaya, or at least in the lands where the tribes dwelt, they were akin to gods...like real, living Patrons. At that revelation, I almost felt ashamed...even a little angry. Did she...think me some kind of demi-god? Was I something to be worshipped in her eyes?

"Our chiefs always told us to respect the laws of the land," she continued, "or else the Beast Walkers would punish us. We should never take from the land more than we need, and always give back if we had more than we should." She finished her wine and paused in her story as I refilled her glass.

She took another long pull before she continued. "When I learned about...what you were...I was just filled with...hope."

"Hope?"

"The High Priest of the Ten Tribes cursed me when I was exiled," she said. Her voice was heavy with shame, and I reached across the table. I clasped her free hand in mine and squeezed gently. "That's why I...I came to Shonto," she said. "I...I thought I could outrun the curse, or at the very least find some way to start over. I thought that by being in another country I could disappear from it all...be invisible and just live my life." She sighed. "Then, I got sick, and I thought the curse had followed me. I thought the gods had finally decided that I'd lived long enough."

Her voice began to crack. "And then, you saved me...a Beast Walker took this exile in and nursed her back to health." I saw a tear form in her eye. "I suddenly felt...confused."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"The Beast Walkers were charged by the gods to watch over the tribes," she explained. "Well, that is if you believe what the shamans say. If that were true, and if I was in fact cursed, then no Beast Walker would ever help me, save to end my life by their hand. Yet, here you are...and here I am, alive...thanks to you."

I smiled, not really sure how to respond. "Te'Ki," I said. "Even if I wasn't training to be a L'au...er...a Beast Walker, I would have helped you. Like you said before, big heart, remember?"

"I know," she said. "And I don't want you to think that that was the only reason I stayed...not that it's much of a reason. I just wanted you to know that where I'm from, being a Beast Walker is nothing to be ashamed of or be secretive about like it is here. Back where I'm from, it's an honour to be one."

Up to that point I hadn't really been looking for any kind of validation for my training. As far as I was concerned, whatever the Clans thought of what I was becoming meant nothing to me. However, hearing that the L'au Tari were actually accepted somewhere...that started me thinking.

What if, when it was all said and done, I left Shonto?

I mean, what was there here for me anymore...really? Even if I somehow managed to regain my honour, I'd never fit in with the Clans again. I'd seen too much already. How could even think of becoming akin to those_Shatlia_ who murdered those cubs? Was I just supposed to forget it all...to just sweep it under the rug in the name of something like 'protocol' or 'dogma?'

Maybe it was time to consider a change of location...somewhere far, far away from all this.

I continued to think about it as we finished off the rest of our meals. Part of me wanted to suggest my idea of leaving to Te'Ki, but I held back. In truth, I didn't know how long it was going to take me until I was considered a full-fledged_L'au Tari_, and until I knew that, I knew any plans I made would be far too long term to be considered even tangible. It would be a slow process to put everything into place, but at least now there was a goal...there was a light at the end of this exile tunnel in which we were both traveling.

We finally finished our meal, and not too long after finished off the wine. I started cleaning off the table while Te'Ki suddenly disappeared into the darkness behind the candles. Moments later, soft music filled the air. It wasn't anything I recognized, but then again I'd been in a coma for a year. Any music or entertainment with which I'd be familiar was all probably considered passé by now.

When Te'Ki reappeared, she walked straight towards me and held out her hand. Wordlessly I accepted her invitation and took it. I stood up and followed her to the center of the dwelling...to the center of all the candles that ringed the place. We held each other close, arms wrapped tightly around each other as we slowly swayed to the music. I felt her muzzle tuck into my neck, and I moved one hand up to gently scritch behind her ears, something I learned she enjoyed.

"There's something else, Dalan," she said softly as we moved. "Something else I need to tell you." Regretfully, I felt her pull away, but just enough so that I could see her face. While her eyes no longer had that dark look they had earlier, there was still something there...some other revelation that she needed to let out. However, I watched as she bit her lower lip, a sure sign that what she was about to say was not going to be a comfortable thing.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Before I answer," she said, "there's something I need to know from you." I cocked my head to one side. "All those nights...this past week. I...I wasn't always completely asleep, and I heard you...I heard you say it."

Said it? What did she...oh gods, no. My heart began to race and my ears felt hot from the humiliation that was settling in. It wasn't until I saw her slight smirk that I began to relax, if only a little. "Te'Ki," I said. "I...well...that is I..."

She craned her neck up and gave me a small kiss on the cheek. "It's ok," she said softly. "Just tell me...did you mean it?"

I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes...and nodded. After that, the words just started pouring out. "I can't explain it," I said. "I mean at first you were just a patient to me, and my only goal was to get you back on your feet."

"So what changed?" she asked.

"That night, when you came out to see if I was all right, remember?" I said. "The night I actually learned your name, I started to feel...well...comfortable around you. Suddenly coming back here after a day's work or a practice session didn't seem so bad anymore. If anything, it was something to look forward to. I never realized how lonely I'd been until I finally had someone to talk to."

I took another deep breath. "But it was when we kissed in the woods that it all fell into place," I said. "Suddenly everything became crystal clear to me. I'd never felt like this with anyone before, not even the girl to whom I'd been promised."

"Promised? You mean you were betrothed?"

I nodded. "I loved her," I said, "but whatever feelings I had for her are nothing compared to what I feel for you, Te'Ki. All the time I was away all I could think of was how empty my life would be if you'd left. I had visions of myself becoming one of those soulless walking corpses at the warehouse...having nothing to live for." I ran a hand over her cheek, which she nuzzled slightly. "I should have told you earlier, Te'Ki...I was just too scared to...that you'd think I was just some kid overdosed on his hormones. But yes, you asked if I meant it, and I do. I love you, Te'Ki...pure, plain, and simple...I love you."

In the back of my mind, I was envisioning her suddenly feeling smothered and wanting to pull away from me. After all, nearly every romantic comedy written had the same scenario, didn't they? Boy meets girl, boy falls in love, girl freaks out and needs time to process. However, when I felt her hand around the back of my neck and felt her pulling me towards her waiting lips, I realized that this was no script.

I pulled her tightly to me as we shared yet another long, passionate kiss. It felt like the temperature in the place had gone up ten fold. When we finally came up for air, she gazed into my eyes. "From the moment I saw you," she said, "I knew there was something different. Maybe it was that you were a new exile, but something told me that you were somehow important to me."

"Then why..."

"I told you once that it's hard for me to trust people," she said. "Especially when everyone you've met...wants...something from you."

There was more to that statement than she was letting on. Part of me wanted to pursue it further, but as she continued, I ignored that gut feeling.

"Even though I had that feeling, the usual barriers went up," she tried to explain. "But this past week's allowed me to let those barriers fall, Dalan...fall and let me realize the truth...and the truth is...I love you too."

I couldn't believe she said it...even though I had a hunch it was coming, when she actually admitted she loved me, it still made most of my fur feel like it was standing on end. She smiled up at me, and I saw another single tear begin to fall from her eye. Slowly I brought my hand up and wiped it away before cupping her lovely face in it. I leaned forward, this time slowly, and kissed her tenderly.

We melted back into our embrace, letting our bodies move and sway to the music. Had the night ended merely like that, I would have been more than satisfied. I'd already gotten more from my Coming of Age than I ever would have as a Clansman. Sure, there would have been gifts, well-wishes from people I only vaguely knew, and the knowledge that soon I'd be married, but all of that seemed so shallow now...so artificial. What I now had in my arms was real...completely and utterly real and I wouldn't have traded it for anything...even my honour.

The music soon faded away, and I realized that our dancing had led us over to where we'd set up our makeshift bed. Te'Ki kissed me again, this time with the same fiery passion as before. Her hands began moving towards my hips, gripping my shirt and slowly un-tucking it. At first I was surprised at her movements, but I made no move to stop her. Instead I continued to run my hands over her silk-clad back, realizing to my surprise that beneath her dress was very little else.

We disentangled ourselves just long enough for her to pull my shirt up over my head, at which point she buried her muzzle in my chest. I could hear and feel her breathing in my scent deeply, and with each successive breath her purrs grew louder...deeper. I felt her hands move again, this time to the belt keeping my jeans on. Again, I made no move to stop her as she deftly undid the buckle. My jeans slid to the floor, the buckle making a slight thump as it hit.

We sunk to our knees on her mat, our muzzles never separating and our hands never stopping their explorations. Before long I found myself on my back with her atop me. Hesitantly I began to pull at her dress, still unsure if this was the right thing to do. She moaned slightly as she felt the silk begin to move over her body, and my hands were soon touching places that until that night they had only felt through the obstruction of clothing.

She broke the kiss and adjusted herself until she was kneeling atop me. With a smile on her muzzle she finished the job my hands had started, and pulled the dress up over her head. Everything I'd imagined about her...what she would look like...I hadn't even come close to the reality over which my eyes now danced.

"Happy birthday, lover," she said softly before settling atop me once more. After that, everything became a blur of lust and sensation. Lips, tongues, fingers, and claws traveled over our bodies, probing, exploring...bringing us ever closer to the pinnacle of passion, but always stopping before it overtook us completely. We teased each other to the point that moans were becoming growls, and what were once light pricks with our claws were becoming more aggressive, more feral as we slowly surrendered to our primal natures.

She finally rolled me onto my back and straddled me. Her eyes seemingly glowed with lust as I felt her hand hold me up. Our bodies touched in the most intimate of ways, and as she slowly descended it was everything I could do not to end it prematurely. Every fantasy I'd ever had...every dream of Shiana and I on our wedding night...none of it compared to what I felt at that moment.

She collapsed atop me and kissed me once more. We began moving to some unconscious, primal rhythm, our bodies moving in perfect time with each other. Growls of pleasure now turned to moans and mewls of dripping lust as we carefully balanced the ever impending need for release with the want to prolong what we were both experiencing.

The need soon won out, and with a roar we each reached that pinnacle of pleasure. I exploded into her and she gripped me tightly, coaxing everything she could out of me. Our bodies convulsed and spasmed wildly as we rode out each successive wave of passion. I felt her claws dig deep into my shoulders, but the pain only seemed to heighten what I was feeling. In truth, she could have eviscerated me at that moment and I wouldn't have cared.

After what felt like an eternity the spasming stopped. What had started as near convulsions in my darling Te'Ki now turned to light quivers as she settled down atop me. Our bodies were still locked together, tough neither of us were in any condition to do more than lie there and bask in the afterglow. I wrapped my arms around her tightly, as though by letting her go I'd never see her again. I could hear her whisper something in another language in between her deep, exhausted breaths. I made a mental note to ask her about it later...when my head stopped spinning.

She eventually slid off me and snuggled up to my side. I remained on my back, and even as I heard her fall asleep I remained awake. My body now satiated in its desire, my mind seemed to open up. I was experiencing a sense of clarity unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It wasn't like a holy revelation or anything...just a feeling like for the first time in ages, I was able to think clearly.

Te'Ki softly nuzzled my neck and shoulder as she slept, and I realized that merely leaving Shonto wouldn't do for us. The Shatlia were known for traveling around the world to pursue an exile, and even Grandfather's influence wouldn't keep them at bay forever. Moreover, even if I succeeded in becoming a_L'au Tari_, that was no guarantee that we'd be safe. The tribes would still see Te'Ki as an exile, and to have one of their so-called guardians as her lover could raise far too many questions.

No...something more needed to be done...new priorities had to be made...new plans, new goals.

I had to protect her...of that there was no doubt. After all, that's what people in love do, right? My top priority was no longer my training, or even reclaiming my family name. No...first and foremost was Te'Ki's safety. Beyond that little else mattered. Leaving the Clan lands of Shonto would buy us a measure of safety, but mere geography was no guarantee.

That was when I realized it. In the dead of night, with my darling cougar snuggled up next to me, it all came into focus with absolute clarity. The only true way I could protect her was to leave. Not just leave the country...leave the planet.

I was terrified at this revelation, but the logic was inescapable. On any other world the Shatlia would be seen as mere murderers, and on many of those worlds the penalty for murder made suicide seem a desirable alternative. It would be perfect. We could start fresh...start anew with no stigma of our exiles to hold us back.

The more I thought about it, the more I looked forward to it. There was a lot of planning ahead for this, and I still wasn't sure if it would work. But for her...for us...I was willing to risk it.

I had to protect her...no matter the cost...

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