How to Not Fuck Up Writing Porn - Issue One
When writing porn, people generally run into two major problems:
1) They're goddamned terrible at it.
2) They have not a single clue how to improve.
This is going to be a very short guide to creating a good story which, really, shouldn't be too hard to do. But the only thing more surprising than the low standards for written porn is how consistently authors manage to fall short of them. So here's a quick guide to writing a good, simple, hot story. Did you ever, as a kid, have a book of crafts? One that showed you how to fold paper into designs, or string beads into jewelry, or whatever? Remember how the first design was almost insultingly simple, meant to introduce you to the world of Whateverthefuck? Think of this guide as that first insultingly simple guide,
**HOW TO NOT FUCK UP WRITING PORN - ISSUE ONE
or
"Don't create plots that are simply excuses for your characters to fuck you idiots."**
Many times when I get commissions or requests, the requester is unsure of exactly what they want. Which is understandable, really, since most people don't have experience commissioning stories. The most immediate mistake people make is partaking in the belief that plot is the most important element of a story. Want to know a secret? Plot is bullshit. In porn, and in real literature too. The best stories have only a semblance of a plot, whereas trash is plotted out to insane, inane degrees. You know how much of a plot there is in Notes From Underground? Pretty much none. Yet you'd fill just as many pages just brushing over the major plot points in any popular sci-fi/fantasy novel. (The sci-fi/fantasy genre, you should know, is nearly entirely complete garbage, and the fact that it's the preferred genre of furries is anywhere between mostly and entirely responsible for why furry erotica is so goddamn terrible.)
So, when I get these requests, they very often go along the lines of "Well, there are these two guys skiing, and there's a blizzard and they're snowed in, and well..."
Who out there has a fetish for skiing? Who out there finds blizzard to be sexually stimulating? And yet these are the only points these guys have planned out. They are come up with, often, because people always think there needs to be some kind of reason, some kind of excuse, for the characters to fuck. So they spend all their energy thinking of a reason to get two dudes in bed, dreaming up everything from setting (so they're in a farmhouse) to relationships (so he's the other guy's mortgage broker) to events (and that's when their flight gets delayed for two hours) even though nobody thinks that farmhouses, mortgage brokers, and delayed flights are hot.
So, how does one construct a plot for furry porn? Well, the natural desire is to work a story from beginning to end. In reality, the most effective way is to work from the middle outward.
Ask yourself, "What is hot?" Make a short list. It might look like this:
Spontaneous sex
Experienced partner "initiating" an inexperienced partner
Public situations
interplay of power relationships
Sex with clothes on
Now, you've just made a short list of concepts you find hot, completely absent of characters, setting, plot, anything that resembles a story, so you might naturally feel as if you have nothing. But look at your list. You might find a few inherent connections. Such as, sex in public is more likely to involve clothes being partially on since the possibility of being caught would require a quick getaway. Sex in public is also liable to be spontaneous. So you've already got the slightest glimmer of a plot. Two guys being overcome with passion in some public setting so that they try to manage a quickie with their clothes still on. Now, keep making those connections. Perhaps the sex is spontaneous because one character who has a bit more power than the other is pushing it, which would also segue naturally into the concept of an experienced partner initiating an inexperienced partner. See how a story is developing here? We've got one character who is in a position of power, having a meeting with a less powerful, less experienced character in public. The more powerful character must take a shine to the other fella for some reason, and pulls the guy along for a quick fuck that the other guy certainly must not be expecting.
See how our characters are developing without our knowing so much their names, their species, their phsyical builds, or really anything about them at all? Well, that's where we start adding in those things. Our more dominant character we know is in a position of power that would allow him to intermingle with subordinates. What kind of role would fit that? Well, let's say perhaps our dominant guy is the head chef at a fancy restaurant, and our other character is a waiter. That would fit the roles we've already assigned to them, yes? They are in an inherently public setting, they will be wearing uniforms to half get out of later, and they have options for places to fuck in public THAT ARE NOT A BATHROOM (more on that later).
And we've got a good Core to a story. I capitalize Core because that is what you need before you can move anywhere else. It's important. Everything in the Core is an essential. Everything we have in the Core directly relates to the porn. Anything you change within that Core will lead to a story that is fundamentally different, not just in how the characters meet and fuck, but in the emotions created when they do. What's our Core? A head chef uses his position of power in a restaurant to sweet talk a cute, young, inexperienced waiter into having spontaneous sex at work, neither able to take off their uniform entirely just in case the owner pops into the kitchen to check up on things.
Now, start building the characters. The head chef, he's perfectly willing to exploit his power for a quick fuck. Sounds a little like the fuck-them-and-leave-them type, hm? Or maybe he thinks he's just bringing a cloistered young fella out of an emotional shell. And the waiter obviously doesn't have the highest standards if he's letting himself be taken advantage of by one of his superiors in public. Is he too curious about sex for his own good? Or just too shy to stop the chef's advances? (You can see that while there's leeway in where you take your characters, the Core of your story will drive you in certain related directions. The chef could be cruel or playful, but he's still forceful. The waiter could be slutty or subby, but he's still easily worked into a lather by more experienced hands. See how this is going?)
And what kind of species fit these kinds of characterizations? If you're like me and you think species pairing is overrated, you might just a spin a wheel and go with whatever. Or, you might stress over it a little. You might recognize the predatory nature and do a predator/prey pairing. Perhaps a cat and mouse, or wolf and bunny, whatever. Or you might approach each character singularly and decide that it makes sense for a boar to be obsessed with food and brash in his demeanor, and you might decide a tentative squirrel makes sense for a waiter who is a little easily startled and excited.
So then you get into the sex itself. Where are they likely to go? The tiger chef would likely choose the spot, and might find the walk in fridge a suitable place for the act (and if they're covered in fur they should be able to acclimate to the cold, right?) Locks it from the inside and they go at it. Fill in whatever you favorite sex acts are here.
So, now you've got a story.
It's a slow night at the restaurant, but a stressful one, as the only party is a group of incredibly demanding businessmen from a nearby convention. The chef is annoyed by their constant demands, and the tension gets released in playful cat calls when the waiter comes back to pick up food. When the party finally leaves, and the tiger finds that the squirrel is responding with badly-hidden blushes to the comments, he sees his in, and finds an excuse to lure the squirrel into the fridge, where he proceeds to sweet talk and smooch him until the squirrel is putty in his hands. The squirrel, it's evident, has little experience with sex, and is easily impressed by the tiger's extensive knowledge of sensitive spots. The squirrel almost thinks the tiger must read minds with how well those mighty orange paws finds spots on his body that make him melt, and, having never received the treatment before, is immensely impressed (to understate it just a little). Things progress, the pants drop to the ankles, the apron is lifted, and they have a quick fuck before coming out to find a stack of orders waiting for them, and in a moment they're back at work, the tiger giving grotesque, obvious winks every time the squirrel comes back, which make the smaller guy blush just as much as always though he now, sheepishly, returns the winks right back.
Holy shit, you just wrote a porn story!
Feel free to (no, wait, please) ask me questions in the comments. This is the first time I've ever attempted a guide like this, and I'm certain there are parts I unintentionally skipped over, or may have made unclear. Also keep in mind that this is not the only way to write a story, just that it is one effective way of writing a story if your only goal is to get dudes to post creepy comments about how much they came (which I love getting even if they are really, really creepy).
A NOTE ON BATHROOMS
No one finds actual bathrooms hot, unless they find the idea of being fucked in such close proximity to toilets degrading or whatever. That's not really all that many people, though. The real reason so many stories occur in bathrooms is because people enjoy public sex and think bathrooms are the only realistic place to accomplish that.
Be more imaginative you nerds. Also keep in mind that it's porn and you can get away on paper with things you couldn't get away with in real life. The refrigerator is a good example. If the chef locked it from the outside, and took the key in with him, no one would be able to get in, but those doors open from the inside, so they'd still be able to get out.
KEEP IN MIND that there are essentially three different levels of "public" fucking.
1) No chance of being caught. e.x. locking the refrigerator door and taking the key inside.
2) Some chance of being caught. e.x. closing the refrigerator door and hoping no one needs anything in the next few minutes
3) Don't care about being caught. e.x. squirrel gets fucked right on the prep table so the whole kitchen crew can watch.
Most people prefer 2, because while 1 almost makes the public aspect superfluous, and 3 puts it too far in line with humiliating and hardcore domination, 2 is the perfect blend of risk and privacy that lots of people find irresistible.
Seriously though unless you specifically have a thing for bathrooms don't ever write fucking in bathrooms okay?