Equisseus: Yiffy stallion adventurer
In the beginning, in days of gods and monsters, there lived one conniving dirty bastard of a horse. These were tougher days; long centuries ago when all was not well because it sucked ass (oh, wait a minute-I did that yesterday).
The horse was named after an unfortunate event in history known as the great up shit creek without paddle' war. So he was named Equisseus after the infamous general who fucked up the whole war (which was nothing more serious than two girl scouts trying to beat each other up).
One day, before he was due to travel across the sea to do battle with the warriors of the island don't go there, girlfriend', he was much hearkened to discover his wife was ripe as a watermelon and nearly ready to bear him an heir.
Unfortunately, Equisseus knew he had to leave her behind for the fight ahead. However, he DID have many famous heroes of legend to help the Grik quest.
There was Hermules, the macro mix-up of Dawn province. He had the strength and sexual vitality of twenty stallions, but there was "five-to-seven days of the month I won't work." Hermules failed to elaborate on that comment, respectively.
Jazzin', of the popular mega-strip club for gay stallions known as the quest for the golden piece.' Why his many harem boyfriends whom the vain little pony dubbed his Argonuts' declined to cum on the journey as well perplexed everyone, but in the end, jazzin's privates business did not concern anyone.
And finally I-cum-ease; the nearly invulnerable equine warrior who fought naked because no arrow or spear could penetrate his skin. They say his only weakness was that he could be killed the one moment after he climaxed, which was why I-cum-ease was picky and suspicious of all those who tried to court him.
Three days of sailing later, (and much gay horsie sex which would make the ship light up like a Christmas tree if you used a blacklight.) Equisseus' ship had come across the fortified battlements placed upon the beach by other equines of the Grik army.
Gladdened he was that his many offerings of spooge and entertaining sex acts to the gods were accepted as worthy tributes for the safe crossing of all of his ships.
Of course, the gods must have an ungodly amount of humour, as they had granted safe passage to all shits, as well, and both allies and enemies gawked at the shoreline covered in perfect round green balls that had not dissipated in any way.
Neither fish nor sea-water had ruined them, and so they came prestine as if ready-made in a latrine.
But this cosmic joke was ignored as both armies made tributes to the gods with many orgies and much gay sex, so that the waves were covered in breakers of viscous bubbly stallion ejaculate.
Pose-it-on, the sea god, would likely be the most pleased, as when stallions tried to send tribute to the sky, their cum went into another horses' face by accident, and when they tried to burn it like others would tribute an animal, their special sauce would continually make the fire die. (or explode in the few cases a stallion had been drinking too much).
After an hour of crazy love-making and the popular party game who's got my cock?', stallions prepare to face each other on the field of battle with shields and-um-swords unsheathed-before they went boldly on the attack.
Equisseus nodded briefly in his nonchalance, for he saw the tide of battle turn in his favor. Hundreds of equine opposers were thus butchered nearly bloody, for there was no virgin tailhole or mouth in sight; all had been ravaged by the horny lust of his force.
With a victorious gratified smile, Equisseus rips his sword' viciously from the dark crevice of an enemy warriors tail-gate.' The kingdom of don't go there, girlfriend' immediately changes their name to you went there, and it hurt like hell' in respect to the yiffy conquerors of equine Grice.
Equisseus, much emboldened and arrogant from his victory, decides not to give tribute to the gods, which is fitting (like a snug thong wrapping his horseballs) to do if you do not want a certain thunder god to rip your ass wide open (similar to, but not sharing the same name as a popular giant equine phallus sex-toy).
After Equisseus and his soldiers take their prize from the defeated, (about three kegs of butt sex grease and eighty tons of silky feminine lingerie) they leave the island for home.
But unknown to Jazzin, Hermules, I-cum-ease, and Equisseus, the great and powerful pose-it-on was very pissed at the blatant disregard of Equisseus for declining to give proper sacrifice' for his well-worn achieved victory over their hard-assed (I'll say!) enemies across the ocean.
A sudden wind came and swept them far out in a direction they did not know; for they had lost their way after passing by eight playpony' strip clubs (and really, they all look alike, so it's hard to tell the difference).
After the twentieth playpony, they had no idea where the hell they were, and were tired of the singing of Corsiv the Yoko Ono singing opera whore, so they dumped him over after about two hours of that non-stop. (I personally would have kept him silent by fucking him in the mouth the whole way, but that was just me).
Finally, the boat grounds against the desolate beach of an almost feral wild island. There appears to be no big cities or civilization of any kind. All the same, horny stallions are prepared with swords hard and ready to subdue any threat (either with a knock-out slap or a good plowing).
For good measure, Equisseus sends out three of his most lengthy troops in his employ. They leave for many hours, and no one can make heads or tailholes of their long absence, so Equisseus sets out himself.
After using his stallionhood as a machete on branches and vines in his way for a good half hour, he comes across a strange sight.
Twenty or so stallions, his warriors included, are lying down in the dirt prone, their muzzles jammed between the thighs of horny patiently waiting and moaning mares.
What magic is this?' Boldly bespoke our hero with a nervous twitch of his ear and lip as his nose found their scent combined and saturating the air with estrous musk.
Warriors of Grice! Waste no time with these mares; they are not as satisfying as the many stallion orgies that go on in the bath houses!'
But in response, one beautiful palomino invited him with a wag of her finger and a pair of blushing cheekbones.
Foul temptresses! What hath become of my legion?' Equisseus cried out with a trumpet as he tried to resist.
The mare smiled in apathy and declared; Welcome, young stallion. This is the island of the let-us-eat-her's.'
Whores! In a few days, your spell will be over, and you will no longer need to mate!'
But their amused looks were to the contrary, as they stroked the furry maned heads of the males between their dripping honeyed thighs.
This island keeps us in heat year round. There will be no end to our enchantment.'
At first, Equisseus thought he had been defeated, and his three warriors, and the other seventeen stallions would be trapped here forever between warm sexy succulent tasting thighs; so intoxicated on feminine fluid, they would forget the satisfying enjoyment of having their draw-bridges filled with hot thrusting meat.
Then, he remembered Hermules; whom had the libido of twenty stallions, and could not be stopped from his mission by one lap-feast alone. Equisseus just hoped that this was not one of Hermules' bitchy days.
Mark this hour, for the next will be filled with much misery and tiredness the like you had not seen before!' declared our hero as he retreated cautiously to put his plan into action.
Returning to the ship, he finds that Hermules is indeed of good favour for a long orgy session with multiple partners, for he smells the scent yonder beyond the forest and eagerly comes up a glistening rod between his two golden-furred palomino breasts.
Beyond there lies some interesting amusements.' Declared the macro draft horse.
Hermules. Beyond that jungle, you will ravage all mares and free the stallions of their spell. With all the mares sated and exhausted from your unquenchable attentions, they will be unable to stop your escape.'
Or you could kill them.' Hermules cynically offers.
Equisseus grabs his erect shaft and grins, laughing hard; I'd prefer they be alive, and their asses tattooed with the stallion love-bites of shame!'
So Hermules went on as directed, his lip curled, as he goes off in conquest of these distracting and sneaky equine femmes. It is not so hard for him to follow the path left behind by the determined and randy (but not randy enough) Equisseus. He smiles the whole way, his dirty pillows bouncing, and his hard rigid rod of hard justice ready to render judgment upon all slutty holes bared before it.
Hermules returned to the ship with all stallions in tow and the mares bitching him out as they lay in the dirt much engorged and fattened like turkeys by his seed.
What a thing of mirth, this event brought about, but it would not last as they boarded the ship and went onward to the next place of their journey.
The next island was covered by giant monolithic temples of marble pillars and arcs. Greeting them was a single mare whom sat upon a high throne in the largest of the buildings. Equisseus did not know whether she was a goddess in mortal guise or a prophet, but he sent an envoy to her private chambers; Hermules included so that they could not be seduced again like on the island of the let-us-eat-hers.'
The wait was arduous, and Equisseus heart was heavy with the suspicion of betrayal. He orders the crew to take on fresh water and to search for food, when Hermules came running back with terror stuck in his horsie eyes.
Brother of war. What hath happened?' Bespoke Equisseus.
The mare is neither goddess or prophet. She has transformed the rest of our comrades into vibrating animal-shaped dildoes!'
Much horror caressed the faces of all present like a shade from the wandering souls of Hades.
Damn. And what name did she give, as she turned all of thee into her toys?'
Out in the distance, they could hear the witch cackle and moan with the unmistakable sound of buzzing.
She gave none, but the most, I fear for my fellows.'
As I. Rest Hermules; I will deal with this personally.'
But my king, she will ensnare you in her vile spell as well!' Hermules protested, his bronzed chest heaving with bouncing jiggliness.
Perhaps. Or maybe she will desire the real thing. I will breed the secret out of her and bring all our friends back with much haste.'
Or you could kill her and avoid all that.' Hermules reiterates.
I will leave stallion love-bites upon all villainous tush's who bother this force! They bear the ultimate dishonour of our claim.'
Equisseus, in his cleverness, climbs a sheer cliff to get at her behind without her being suspicious of his attack. Upon the cliff, as he tires himself on a great climb, a white-coated stallion god with ivory wings on his shoes approaches him in mid-air with a smile-and nothing else.
How go your day, my fair Equisseus?'
This witch; she hath entrapped my people. I must save them!'
Why don't you just kill her?'
Why does everyone keep saying that? Do I bear a sign upon my bullocks or something?'
I wish it were so; then there were more a reason to look upon your stunning glorious mortal horse-ass!'
Unless you came with a specific message, please go away. I am struggling to climb this high distance.'
I see. Grandly, I do. But I do indeed have news. The witch mare is named mirce. And her spell has limits. Her magic will not work if you have a twig sticking out of your buns.'
Strange proposition. How am I to keep it there?'
Shove it all the way up. You'll be rid of it next time there is a green tide.'
True Her-mememe's. Just don't remind me of this later. I feel you gods may remember for eons, but how fortunate indeed, the memories of mortals.'
The descendants may wish to erect a statue of you for your glorious deeds.'
Oh ho! I don't blow that way. I make my own erections, if you don't mind. No statue for Equisseus; I'm already confused seeing just one of me.'
Then what of the poets and ballads?' Returned Her-mememe's crisply with mirth.
One's being written as we speak! Do you not notice that lanky insomniac dude with the big tits and the cd player blasting Disturbed' at five in the morning?'
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The writer of this story is mystified to be pointed out so blatantly by his creations......
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Creations? You forgo a pregnancy and call us your creations!'
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I can delete this story and get rid of all of this silly nonsense.
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Yes, truly, but we think you won't. You're a little pussy.'
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Pussy? Who would rather fuck an enemy and leave nibbles of doom than kill? Can we get back to your retarded ballad? I think I'm ready to shit myself laughing at what I have in store for you later on in this story.
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Keep laughing, and do whatever you wish. Your heinous deeds will be repaid with rough mean plowing and so many love-bites, your fat human ass will be cherry-red!'
Equisseus reaches the top with a twig burrowed deep in his horse crater; never to see the light of day for some time. Strange he found the sensation; now he could tell the difference between an ill-equipped lover and a stick up his ass!
Mirci (seriously, who names these things? Oh, shit, wait a minute; I do! Lolz!) is mystified that Equisseus so easily dispels her magic; all chants and powders are useless against him, as the swirling pink words of transformation simply
bounce off his glistening white chest like hookah smoke.
'Foul whore, you will return my brethren to their normal not so vibromatic selves, even though I think some of them are better at love-making like this.'
She shrieked, throwing herself at him and tried to beat him up with just her fists. Equisseus, of course, was used to worse treatment than this. Her hammering was nothing compared to previous gang-bangs earlier in his life.
He returned with his warriors following behind, some humming or shaking oddly like they had chills-but he knew that some of them looked better in plastic. In his hoof was held an old tattered parchment sealed with a kiss. Mirce had given them blessing and advice on the coming challenges.
After a week of sailing, they come across an island where some pretty naked mares were sunning themselves. Upon seeing the vessels approach their land, they begin a littany of whimsical verse unworthy even of the oracle herself. Sound of beauty with such splendor, the crew is mesmerized-intent on divining the ships closer to listen.
Even Equisseus, with his complete detestation for all mares save his wife, was enthralled by their sweet music in his funnel ears.
'Come! Let us go closer!' Urged Jazzin', in a frantic rush to remove his pink camisole, panties, and all the rest of his femme boi garb. If ever there was a whorish twink, it would be that exhuberant slut Jazzin'.
Equisseus smiled with a coy giggle, turning the wheel of the ship-until it was pointed at some big scary rocks.
They waved the sailors on eagerly, wishing for the company of the equine studs. All were blind to the danger, and so death crept unto them at the speed of the wind. Eventually, they came not closer than ten yards to the nearest seashore crag when the ship jerked suddenly around.
Hermules threw Equisseus from the wheel and turned their pathetic vessel back on their way back to Grice, much to the unsatisfied moaning of his fellow crewmates.
'Shut the fuck up already! I'm tired; I don't want to deal with anymore shit!'
And for good measure, Hermules jumped from the ship, swam to the island, and fucked all the singing mares in their mouths so they wouldn't be able to lure any other sailors to doom for quite some time.
Swimming back to the ship, he grunts tiredly with a heave of his breasts and slams the door shut behind him as he goes back to sleep in his querters, much to the stunned reverence of all those aboard.
Yes, Hermules had a bitchy day-too bad nobody told the Not-So-Shyrens.
The next challenge was going to be a tight fit. Tight like a shire cock in a ponies' ass. And it would be very hard. Hard as a stallion cock after he gets a full face of mare pussy jammed in his muzzle.
For in this trial, they had to steer the ship between a giant whirpool which seemed to suck as good as the best blow job any of them had it, and a monster with a thousand cock-shaped tentacles for heads.
Equisseus, fearing the danger of getting sucked into a giant water anus decides to take the ship close to the giant creature-seeming to be the gods' cosmic embodiment of lust.
It plucked many a stallion from the deck of the ships, and all they could hear in the dark were the sounds of the equines screaming aloud with pleasure and discomfort as it rammed its heads into their many passages-then silence as Equisseus well knew they had tentacle in their mouth as well.
They went on shaken, not a thing they could do for their lost comrades still in the grasp of eternal pleasuring and passion for all eternity.
The ship is lighter after the abduction of many of their friends.
The next few days of sailing are spent in silence until they come to another island. The stallions disembark to find food and water, Equisseus venturing with a small party to a dankly lit cave which had a great smell of cheese about it. They ate of it and drank deeply of sweet honey ambrosia they had taken with them in fine leather sacks.
After an hour of feasting and cutting the cheese, a loud thunder fills the air-
But there are no clouds!
Equisseus and his party are mystified until a giant equine creature stoops into the cave, and one giant shiny eye spies them from the middle of the monsters' forehead.
'Bah! I am Ponymus! Who trespasses in my cave?'
Then he sits on his big ass at the entrance and traps them inside.
'I am Noneof yours.' Equisseus responds with a little laugh, lifting a wine flask to his lips.
'And you've ravaged my cave. This cheese is mine.' The giant remarked.
'Sorry, we were hungry after many days of travel. It was rude of us, but we have many things we could offer you.' Jazzin' remarked with that seductive smile.
The giant looked at the scantily clad tiny horse and smiled with interest.
'You look pretty. I will keep you all as my pets forever and you can dance in dirty ways while I fap.'
Jazzin' looked around nervously.
'Um.'
Equisseus smiled, an idea of brilliance only the gods could congratulate.
'I will go first, and I will fap as you fap.'
Ponymus clapped with giant ear-splitting thunder, pleased as he picked up the small stallion in his hand before lifting the equine to close to his eye while he reached down into his loincloth and played with his giant sheathe-which looked like he was stroking a cow that had no limbs or hea-Oh, I speak too soon, here comes the head.
'Ponymus like. Be dirty Mr. pony so I can make much happy.'
'Ooookaaaaay.'...
Then he began to strip and dance on the great hand, throwing his thong far down below-right into Jazzins' surprised equine face even as he sqealed out in surprise like a little filly.
Equisseus reached one hand around, rubbing his butt and tossing his long pretty tail for the giant as he stroked an erection that looked like a toothpick to the giant.
After several moments of stroking himself and moaning, Equisseus smiled with a giggle and whispered in feminine taunts.
'I'm cumming. I'm going to fill your face with my spooge. You like my ass, don't you bitch? Too bad you can't fuck it.'
Then Equisseus braced himself for a monster orgasm, shooting his cum right into the giant eye staring at him.
'Here's creampie in your eye!' Equisseus screamed out with amusement as the great beast reels; blinded as he tosses the small horse right at the cheese in his anger before he runs out of the cave screaming.
'Noneof yours has blinded me! Noneof yours has blinded me!' He yelled to his neighbors, surprised as hell the tiny pony slut could shoot that far.
Equisseus and his friends make a hasty escape back to their ship, and as they sail away, the giant, in his anger, begins to paw a great cannon of a cock.
'You don't want to be around when that goes off.' Equisseus remarked nervously, looking back at the furious pawing giant horse with his one red angry eye.
'That's what she said!' I-Cum-ease joked in good fun. He had nothing to worry about; he was almost immortal.
Ponymus finally orgasms, shooting a load so close that it made the ship rock as if it were on stormy seas.
'Way to stay on target!' Jazzin' teased, bending over and showing Ponymus his naughty little butt and pony hole.
They look back nervously until the land of the giant one-eyed horses leaves their sight.
Finally, after sailing for much time, the harbor of Grice is in view with the many temples and shoreline fire-lit orgies upon the beaches.
But all is not well, as Equisseus returns to his home and comes to greet his wife, he hears a disheartening truth. In his absence, many equine suitors sought to breed his wife and make his son their sex slave when he is of the proper age.
Equisseus, much angered by this news goes to every house of every equine who has ever wronged his family, and overpowers them with his superrior strength as he gives them all what they deserve in the end.
In the end. Lols. With the giant powerful stony pony cock of Grik justice.
And they lived happily ever after-until Equisseus pissed the gods off again.
But that is a different story, and I will not tell it so nyah nyah.
*points finger at reader in a teasing way*