FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

DISCLAIMER - The following story contains content of a sexual nature including explicit sexual actions between characters not necessarily at age of consent. If you are under age or this content is illegal in your region please do not continue reading and leave this page. This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental, though there may people mentioned who are present in real life.

This work is copyrighted to JakeM © 2013, do not use or distribute this material in any way without the strict permission of the author. Any names or products mentioned that are present in real life are copyrighted to their rightful owners.

<><><><><>

Gray

6 - The Sound of Silence

Ewan,

I cannot carry on like this. It seems I do nothing but hurt those around me, I take what they have to offer and I do not return it, except with an expectation for more. You have been there for me for the past 8 years, never leaving my side, ever. You were like a true brother to me and I did nothing but throw it back in your face. I have hurt you so much over the years, and I never realised it. For that, I can say nothing but sorry. Sorry that I have hurt you, sorry for being an awful friend, sorry for ruining your life.

I know that I am beyond help now, there's no crawling out from the pit I have found myself in, but for you there is hope. I want you to live your life, Ewan, be happy, find someone who can love you back, move on from me, I know that I will just hurt you again and again.

I love you, Ewan, thank you for everything. Goodbye, my brother, my love.

Arin

Ewan clutched the note tightly in his paws, the ink smudged from Arin's tears now smudged more from fresh ones added by the wolf. He held the paper so tightly it was scrunched up in his paws. 3 months later and reading Arin's note still made him an emotional wreck. He lowered the paper and looked upwards into the setting sun, the light reflecting off his tear soaked eyes and cheeks. His lower lip quivered as he tried to stop himself from completely breaking down and sobbing.

He stood there, in the middle of their favourite bridge, the one Arin had dreamed about, overlooking the city. He'd been up there often since Arin had committed suicide, it was a calm place that he could come and be alone and remember Arin, unfortunately that usually ended in him sobbing uncontrollably. He had done his best to get his emotions under control, but even after 3 months the memory of that day haunted him as if it was happening all over again.

*****

Ewan waited impatiently as the elevator took him to the top floor of the Apartment building in which he and Arin lived. The box that carried him was a fast one, but the fact it had to climb up nearly fifty stories to reach the rock star's penthouse apartment meant that it was a long and arduous journey.

The wolf faced the door and shifted his weight from each of his footpaws in a nervous fashion, anxious to get out of the contraption and talk to Arin. He couldn't deny that the Rabbit had deeply hurt him, not for the first time either, but this had been the event that tipped the scale, he'd boiled over and he'd let the rabbit's words get to him. Ewan, however, knew the fragile state that Arin was in, and for the wolf to leave like that after the way he'd sworn and shouted would surely have had an effect on the Rabbit, 'hopefully it would make him come to his senses,' Ewan thought, but he knew that he would have to talk to him nonetheless and sort out the problems, because he needed Arin as much as Arin needed him.

It was 12 hours after he'd stormed out and he'd walked around the city, blowing off as much steam as he could, he must have been walking for nearly all that time before he convinced himself to return and talk, his legs ached and his footpaws burned. His fur was bristled and he had noticeable bags under his slightly red eyes, from where he had rubbed them on the numerous occasions he had stopped to cry.

The elevator brought him out of his musings by making a very loud 'ding' noise, signalling he had reached his destination. The doors silently slid open to reveal the white tiled foyer leading to Arin's front door. Ewan stepped out of the lift and made his way to the black door, he took out his key and paused before sliding it into the hole and entering Arin's... and his, home. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, calming himself down once again, reminding himself of the fragile state the young rabbit was in, and that he needed support. He plucked up the courage and entered the darkened apartment. It wasn't that unusual that there were no lights on, Arin could generally be found in the recording studio or in his room. He flicked a switch which flooded the open plan living room/kitchen with light, he noticed a smashed up guitar in pieces all around the glass coffee table, which now had a large crack running down the centre. This worried Ewan, slightly. He threw his keys in a small bowl on a shelf near the door and made his way fully into the apartment.

'Arin?' He called out, slightly cautiously. There was no reply. He knew he hadn't gone out as his phone was lying on the bar surface which separated the kitchen from the living area, Arin never went anywhere without it, he hated being out of contact with people. The wolf padded over and picked up the smart phone in one of his paws, he woke it up and noticed he had about 5 missed calls and at least 20 unread texts, this was very unusual indeed. He figured the rabbit must have gone into his studio to record some more songs, it was the only place he went without his phone, maybe he had lost track of time, it wouldn't be the first time. Once, Ewan had left Arin in the studio at about 9am to go and run some errands in town, he didn't return until late that night, and he had found Arin in pretty much the exact position as when he had left him, guitar in lap and wearing headphones, his fingers were nearly raw from playing for over 12 hours straight. The wolf smiled at the memory as he made his way into the studio.

He peered in, but it was completely dark and soundless, except for the odd LED light from various pieces of equipment and the electrical hum of computers. He backed out and called 'Arin?' again. He must be in his room, maybe he had his earphones in, watching a film or something. He walked and stood outside of the rabbit's bedroom, which, unusually, was closed. Ewan knocked on the door, out of respect, mainly, he wasn't sure what state Arin was in. 'Arin?' He called again. No reply. Ewan was really starting to get worried now, he thought maybe Arin was really upset, and was ignoring him. He placed his paw on the door handle and started to open it. As he did so he put on his most reasonable tone of voice. 'Look, Arin, I've come back to apologise, the way I talked to you this morning was-' He was cut short as his breath caught in his throat.

Lying in the middle of the bed was the lifeless corpse of Arin Gray. He lay peacefully, but for a dribble of blood coming from his nose, and some froth around his slightly open mouth. A syringe lay next to him, and a rag tied tightly around his arm. His eyes were open, glazed over and no longer their icy blue. His chest was still, no sign of movement at all. Ewan stood in the doorway, he involuntarily steadied himself on the door frame. He couldn't move, his legs quivered and if he stepped forward he feared he would collapse. He had seen Arin in a similar state many times before, and he usually jumped into action instantly, but this time was different. This time the room felt... empty. He knew Arin was gone, that there was no bringing him back this time. Ewan kept his eyes fixed on Arin's body as he sank down to his knees, leaning heavily on the door frame. Once he felt the ground under his knees he let go, the emotions flowed freely, his sobs were long and drawn out, tears flowed down his white cheeks, matting his fur. So many memories of their life together flashed through his mind, but mainly the fact that the last words to the only boy he had ever loved were 'Go fuck yourself, Arin.'

He tore his gaze away from the limp rabbit and closed his eyes, tears still leaking through his lids. The image of his friend was still implanted on his retinas, the cold, lifelessness of Arin's eyes sent his mind racing to every single time he had gazed into those beautiful blue portals, every time he had seen Arin laugh, cry, shout, sing. One of these memories was so strong, burned into his heart and mind. Ewan forced his eyes shut as he remembered the first time the wolf had met the rabbit.

*****

The 10 year old white wolf stood in the park. A large green spread out in front of him, dotted with many couples and families basking in sun, sitting on picnic blankets, the occasional elderly couple had brought some camp chairs. It was a beautiful day, the sun shone brightly, one or two clouds added contrast to the vast blue atmosphere, and a cool breeze rolled through the open space. The inner city park was a large one and all varieties of furs could be found within its limits, from cyclists, runners, fat lazy furs sweating so much they may pass out, and, of course, lots of children. The wolf stood on the edge of the green, ears twirling around and nose twitching from the new sounds and smells he was experiencing. He had only just been allowed to go to the park on his own , so he was a bit nervous, but he lived nearby so it wasn't an issue. In his paws he tightly gripped a remote control for the small helicopter he had just got for his birthday, he really wanted to try it out in the open, as his parents' small apartment was not very roomy, so he had taken his first trip to the park on his own with his new toy.

Carefully he played and twisted the buttons on the controller as he skilfully brought the bright helicopter into a hovering position at about his head height. His tongue poked out from the end of his muzzle in a 'concentration' face. Once he was satisfied the flying machine was stable he started moving it about in the air, up and down, from side to side, and around in circles. He smiled to himself, happy that he was able to fly so easily. He got a bit bored from just doing the same things, so he brought the helicopter in to land, it floated down and landed lightly on the short grass gracefully. He lowered the controller to his side and looked about him briefly, noticing there weren't quite as many people as there were when he started playing, he must've really been captured in the helicopter not to notice the time passing.

Something caught his eye though. On a nearby bench just behind him, about 10 feet away, sat a sad looking bunny boy, about the same age as the wolf. His elbows rested on his knees as he sat forward, studying the movements and actions of the white wolf. His face was that of interest, yet his icy blue eyes spoke of sadness and pain. He did not notice the wolf also looking at him.

The wolf walked a little closer to the curious boy. 'D'you wanna go?' He asked, holding out the remote control to the boy.

The rabbit was brought out of the trance he was in and he sat up with a start, looking up at the wolf, who was smiling kindly down at him. He struggled for words. 'Uhh, I, umm... Y-yeah, sure.' He finally got out.

The wolf smiled and handed the controller to the rabbit and they walked over to the parked helicopter. The wolf showed the rabbit what to do and helped him get the helicopter going steadily. The rabbit started smiling and he noticeably perked up when he got the hang of controlling the mini chopper. But when he tried to land it, it came crashing down into the floor, it didn't break but the sound of it made the rabbit wince. He looked suddenly at the wolf and stuttered again. 'O-Oh my g-god! I'm so s-sorry! I didn't mean to! I swear!'

The wolf looked at him reassuringly and placed a paw on the rabbit's shoulder. 'Hey, it's alright, it doesn't matter.' He smiled. The rabbit calmed down a little but still looked very worried.

'A-are you sure?' He squeaked, almost inaudibly.

'Yeah.' The wolf replied. He found it strange that the rabbit would be so worried about something not that important. It's not like he broke it or anything. 'What's wrong with you, why are you so upset?' He asked, not particularly tactfully.

The rabbit played with his paws nervously - having handed back the wolf his controller - and looked to the floor, he could feel the beginning of tears form in his eyes. He wasn't sure what to say and knew he had to give the wolf that had been so kind to him some sort of answer. 'My parents...' was all he managed to say, he looked up into the friendly wolf's eyes as he felt a tear roll down his cheek.

The wolf frowned in worry then quickly took the rabbit in a protective hug. 'Hey, it's okay, don't worry. I'm here for you, I'll be your friend.' The wolf felt the rabbit grip tighter onto him, as more tears leaked from his eyes.

Eventually the young rabbit pulled away and smiled up at the wolf, feeling a bit better. 'Thank you, uhh...'

'Ewan. My name is Ewan.'

The rabbit's smile widened in amusement. 'Ewan? Like Ewan McGregor, from Star Wars!'

The wolf rolled his eyes and then giggled. 'Yes, just like Ewan McGregor from Star Wars... What's your name?'

'Arin.' Was all he said in reply, Ewan gave him another tight hug, which Arin was very glad to receive. He really liked his new friend.

*****

The wolf stood on the long bridge, gazing down at the rocks and into the water, he was adding to its volume due to the large amount of tears falling freely from his eyes as he sobbed uncontrollably, his body shook from the power of his cries. He still held the suicide note in his paws, scrunching it tightly, not wanting to ever lose it. He tried to control himself as he looked up into the setting sun, its heat beating down on him, despite it being the evening. He knew what he had to do now. It was clear.

Carefully he threw his left leg over the railing, and shifted his weight so he landed on the tiny ledge on the other side, there was no railing this side to stop his fall. He turned around so his back was facing the bridge, and his front out to the city and the water. Tears were still slowly falling down his cheeks as he kept the images of his love in his mind, from the very first time they met in the park that sunny summer's day - not unlike today, actually - to the painful picture of Arin's limp lifeless corpse sprawled out on the bed, blood coming from his nose. Ewan closed his eyes in an attempt to push that memory aside and just focus on the good times.

In his momentary lapse of concentration he felt one of his paws slip and he instinctively tightened his grip on the railing behind him, but this small slip caused him to lose his grip on Arin's suicide note. He watched in anguish as the messy piece of paper floated down in an unusual path, caught by different winds at different places, before finally coming to rest on the calm water's surface. Ewan stifled an audible sob and he closed his eyes. He knew that this was the only way he could truly move on, truly be happy, be with his love and have no regrets.

Calmly he stepped forward into space, letting go of the railing and allowing his body to fall. He fell for a few silent and long drawn out seconds, before meeting his death at the hands of the jagged rocks below. He managed to whisper something, smiling to himself, before the point of impact:

'Hello, darkness, my old friend.'

Fin.

JakeM