Bleeding Heart, Weeping Soul
Bleeding Heart, Weeping Soul
Story copyright Lobito (2003)
Written as an art exchange for LemurKat
Characters, setting, etc. intellectual property of LemurKat
"Do I know you?"
"I, uh... No. I... found a note from my mother, Alianna. She saidâ€""
"Alianna? Alliana Christie?"
"Um, yesâ€""
"You know her? How is she? Where is she?"
"She's... she's dead. The wasting sickness took her. Five months ago."
"...dead?"
"Mr. Lowe? It's time for your lunch."
Though the nurse's voice shook Julius from his memory, he made no gesture of recognition, instead letting his eyes continue to stare unseeing over the city of Eriwyn.
"Mr. Lowe?"
Julius sighed. "Just leave it on the table, Garrett, thanks."
There was the familiar clatter of silverware as a tray was put on the small stand at the foot of the bed. It was followed by a gentle rustling of clothing and the click of a door being shut as the healer's assistantâ€"a nervous young ferret, no more than twentyâ€"left to attend to the other patients. The man couldn't help but sigh again; he couldn't remember how long he had been stuck in this hole in the ground (literallyâ€"Eriwyn's hospital resembled a rabbit's burrow more than anything else), but it was far too long for his liking. Wildness was in his blood. He was a Lycaon, a wild dog, for Elysia's sake! He didn't like being cooped up like this.
He also didn't like brooding on the past. With that thought, Julius wrapped his fingers around the cold rubber of his wheelchair's tires and turned himself away from the window. A quick glance at the sparse offerings of his lunch tray elicited a snort from the canineâ€"while he knew that the hospital was overcrowded at the moment, it still grated that they only graced his palate with delicate vegetable stews and various other concoctions no doubt garnered from lapines or the like. There was rarely anything to satisfy those of a more carnivorous bent.
After one quick wheeling around the roomâ€"the closest the crippled Lycaon could come to pacingâ€"he found himself back at the window, though he had already memorized the view from far too many days sitting and staring since the... incident.
Dead. She was dead... and she'd had a child. His child. Julius smirked, though the expression ran entirely contrary to the stab of pain he felt in his chest. Well, at least that would explain where she'd been all these years, why he hadn't seen her at any of his concerts. He had looked every time, specifically asked about her. Hell, he wrote a song about her; he figured if that didn't get her attention, nothing would. That one song was the only constant in the band's concert setâ€"they played it at every show, even that Elysia-damned reunion performance that had ended him up here. Even now, no one was sure what, exactly, had happened. They had just started a song, the song, her song, when BLAM, everything went hot and white and next thing Julius knew, he was here and had lost all feeling in the bottom half of his body. Not exactly the comeback he'd been hoping for.
To be honest, he hadn't been hoping for a comeback at all. Though he would never have admitted it before, since that girl, his daughter, had shown up two days ago, he realized there was one reason and one reason only that he agreed to do this one final concert, and that was the slim hope that maybe she'd be there, maybe she'd finally come.
"Alliana."
The knock on the dressing room door was so soft and timid that Julius barely heard it. His wine bottle pausing with its mouth just above the glass, the lead singer of Aeternity pricked his ears, smirking ever so slightly.
There it was againâ€"a light, hesitant rap on the smooth oak door. Julius grinned, setting down bottle and glass and sliding over to the door in one quick motion. He let his hand rest on the knob for a moment, letting the girl (he had no doubt it was a girl, maybe more than one) suffer in anxiety while he put on his usual dashing smile. And then, not wanting to give this shy one time to run off, he opened the door.
He could see the female Aardwolf start slightly at the sight of him; yes, she certainly was nervous. She looked like she'd almost been hoping he wouldn't answer. Julius' smile grew; this should be fun.
She was pretty, he'd give her that, and youngâ€"probably no more than eighteen, if that. Her eyes were the first thing that caught his attention, which was quite uncharacteristic for him. But he found it impossible to miss those large, deep brown spheres that seemed to shiver behind the lenses of her thin-framed glasses. Their shiny depths betrayed her every emotion and the singer could see from them that she was just as nervous as he had guessed. Characteristic of her breed, she a swath of black fur running just beneath each eye that contrasted sharply with the light brown of the majority of her face, giving her countenance a sad, mournful quality.
Pulling his eyes away from the girl's, he gave the rest of her a quick once-over. The rest of her face was sharp and thin, covered with short brown hair except for under her eyes and a hint of black around her muzzle. Her pointed ears, a little too large-seeming for a hyaenine of her size, poked through a head of thick, shiny brown hair that was straight and just a bit damp and stringy from being in the heat of the audience all night.
She was shortâ€"Julius had a good six inches on her, easyâ€"and curvy, by no means frail or emaciated-looking, which was how he preferred his women. None of those stick-thin models for him, thanks. She was clad in a tight black dress that clung to her rounded edges and ended around mid-thighâ€"a daring length for such a shy girl. It betrayed only the slightest hint of her décolletage, the thin black stripes in her fur running down beneath the upper edge of her dress, inviting contemplation on what lay beneath. Julius grinned as the girl stared at him nervously; she was a gem, this one. Maybe not the prettiest piece to stop by his dressing room after a concert, but there was something about her anxious, awkward beauty that Julius found enticing.
All this contemplation took less than three secondsâ€"the singer had grown quite adept at appraising these women as soon as they appeared, at studying them covertly while remaining his charming demeanor. It's probably best that it took no longerâ€"the poor girl's eyes were widened to their limits, and it looked quite possible she'd dart off if he stared at her much longer. So, instead, Julius extended his hand and gave a slight bow.
"And to whom do I owe the pleasure?"
"A.. Alliana." Her small, warm paw slipped into his and the Lycaon gripped it, held it as he locked eyes with her.
"Alliana? A fittingly unique name for a girl so beautiful." He leaned forward, kissing her hand before releasing it. The line slipped off his tongue easily. Though he had used it before, he found that he meant it, this time, in a way he hadn't before; her name matched the way her body looked, soft and flowing. He smiled again and stepped to the side.
"I was just about to have a glass of wine. Would you like to join me?"
The Aardwolf jumped slightly, staring at him with those wide brown eyes of hers. "I..." She visibly swallowed and self-consciously pushed her glasses up her nose. "I'd love to, thank you, Mr. Lowe."
Julius moved no further to the side, watching as she took a tentative step across the threshold of the door, brushing his chest against her arm as he closed the door behind her.
"Julius, please," he said, moving away from her suddenly, letting her concentrate on taking in the entirety of his room. As he poured two glasses of wine, Julius watched the girl out of the corner of his eye, examining her face as she studied the lit candles that decorated the walls, the posters and clothes that scattered a table in one corner, his precious harp that stood against the far wall. He noted with particular amusement the way her eyes widened again upon seeing the four-poster bed to her left, made up with gold satin sheets and a matching, silky blanket. He chose that as his moment to approach with a winning smile and a glass for her.
Alliana accepted the glass and took a hesitant sip. Julius did the same, never taking his eyes off of her. Finally, the girl grew uncomfortable and tried to break the silence.
"I really love your music, Mr.... Julius. You have a really beautiful voice."
Julius shrugged slightly, brushing the compliment off as he always did. "Elysia blesses us all with our own gifts. The key is recognizing yours and putting it to use in a way that makes your life and others' more complete."
The girl smiled slightly. "That's part of what I like so much about you and your music. You're so... hopeful."
Julius laughed. Despite himself, he found that he was enjoying the conversation and losing his focus on the seduction, at least for the moment. "I feel that while Elysia watches over us, there's no reason not to be. She wants us to be happy, to live our lives and bring joy. There's no room for pessimism in all that."
Placing her glass on the table, Alliana seemed to move closer unconsciously. "Yeah," she breathed. "I really like how you put it in your first song: ‘With all of our souls like candles, we live in a world full of lightâ€"'"
"‘â€"so shed all of your pains and fears, there's no love you ever need fight,'" Julius finished, singing softly. The girl got a dreamy smile and closed her eyesâ€"he knew the magick of his voice was affecting her, as it did nearly all his fans. He took advantage of this, setting down his glass as he moved in closer and lowered his head so his muzzle was only inches from Alliana's. She opened her eyes, seeming startled. But, while he could see that she was trembling, she didn't pull away, merely closing her eyes again. With a slight smile, Julius brought his face forward, letting his muzzle rub gently against the front of hers. Her face was warm, her breathing quiet and shallowâ€"she was nervous, and she looked so cute and innocent as Julius nuzzled her affectionately, watching her with his eyes slightly opened.
She gave another of her little jumps when he licked the front of her muzzle, letting his tongue brush against her lips. The singer expected her to tense up even more, but instead, she melted. Suddenly, Julius found her body pressed against his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist as his own responded without any conscious volition, covering her shoulders and holding her close as he felt her return his gesture with a tentative lick of her own. Closing his eyes, Julius lost himself in the feeling of having her soft, enticing body against him, of the heat and moisture of her breath on his face, the roughness of her tongue caressing his lips and muzzle. Most of the women he had been with solely put lust into their actions, their caresses and nuzzles, but this girl, Alliana, she had so much passion. She covered his face with licks and seemed to bask in the feeling of him doing the same to her, as if she were savoring every moment of it instead of... rushing through it. It was an incredible sensation, simply to be sharing in her excitement, taking part in something that she so obviously enjoyed and relished.
And he found that her enthusiasm was contagious. Usually the nuzzles, the licks, they were all just prerequisitesâ€"fun, sure, but not particularly attention-grabbing. His mind was always on the eventual coming-together, the feeling of fur rubbing against fur against gold satin... but this time, instead, he lost track of that goal, lost track of everything. There was only this, only the gentle ardor of her tongue, the sound of her soft growls of appreciation, the way her body melded so perfectly against his.
Finally, after an eternity, they pulled their faces away, and Julius just stared at her. What was it about this girl, this woman? She was so young, but she was... alive, in a way that the other women who had come into his room never were. She was nervous, innocent, but... passionate, experiencing everything for all it was worth. He'd never felt quite so moved by simple foreplay before. If lying with her was anything like this, it was going to be an incredible evening, he thought.
Alliana was staring at him, her eyes half-lidded. She was trembling visibly, but she didn't seem as nervous as before. She just watched him with a hint of shyness, waiting to see what he would do next.
Before he quite knew what he was doing, Julius was against her again, licking at her muzzle and neck lustfully as he gently pushed the straps of her dress off her shoulders, sliding the garment off her. He could feel the heat of embarrassment emanating from her cheeks, but she made no protest, merely wriggling to slip out of her tight outfit.
She really was quite beautiful, the Lycaon acknowledged once again. The black of her undergarments matched the stripes that colored her brown fur and the black that covered her stomach and paws. Her stomach and hips were gently curved, looking soft and inviting. Julius couldn't help but notice how her tail whipped around as she stood, more than a little embarrassed, visibly struggling not to cover herself with her hands.
He didn't get to study her for long, however. Shy though he was, the Aardwolf was eager, and she pressed close to him once again, nuzzling with him as she slid his white, silken shirt up his chest, then breaking away just long enough to pull it over his head.
Time melted in the heat between them as they pressed close, peeling the bothersome clothes from one another, nuzzling, licking, exploring. The singer found himself kneeling on the golden satin of his bed above the girl, who was stretched out beneath him, beautifully nude, her hands gently resting against his chest. He hadn't bothered to find a seed-stopping spellâ€"they were different species, and pregnancy from such couplings were nearly unheard of in their rarity. This close to her, this close to quenching this fire that burned throughout his body, he doubted he'd have the patience to deal with such a distraction. He needed this, needed her far more than he'd ever needed any of those other groupies who'd shared his bed. This time, this once, his lust burned for her and her alone, not for the act.
Just before he pressed closer, Alliana surprised him by speaking.
"Be..." She swallowed. "Be gentle. I've... I've never..." She trailed off.
Julius froze, shocked. She was a virgin? He had never laid with a virgin beforeâ€"the girls who came to him were usually well-experienced and seeking to simply share a pleasant evening. He had never been someone's first, someone's introduction. No wonder she had been so nervous...
But, even as his brain struggled with this revelation, his heart accepted it. He pulled the girl into a gentle embrace, nuzzling the side of her face, then looking directly into her eyes.
"I will, Alliana. I wouldn't ever want to hurt you."
And with that, they came together. All thoughts, all feelings were lost only to the singular sensation of being molded together into one being, of the immense sensual beauty of sharing this act, this sensation with her and her alone, of existing, for that moment, only for her. It was so intense he nearly cried, instead merely holding the girl even closer, as she did the same to him, wrapping her body around his. They were lost, there, in one another, and the world disappeared.
They slept for a scant few hours, and then Julius found himself roused by a light lick on his muzzle. Alliana was above him, dressed once more, her eyes gentle and a little sad.
"I need to get home. It's late," she stated quietly. Julius flinchedâ€"despite his usual indifference to his bed partners in the morning, he didn't want her to go. But he knew that arguing was useless; he could see it in her eyes. Instead, he merely slipped out of bed and gave her one last, long embrace with a gentle lick to her face.
"You were beautiful, Alliana. Thank you for coming tonight." He wanted to say more, so much more, but there were no words; there was only the light ache in his chest and the way his eyes locked with hers before she turned away, embarrassed. Before he could stop her, she began walking quickly to the door. All he could do was call her name out after her, causing her to pause just before she exited his dressing room.
The singer tried to flip her one of his infamous flirty smiles, the ones that always drove his female fans wild, but it came across as a sad, almost forlorn expression insteadâ€"a smile that verged on pleading. He took a breath. "If you ever come to another concert, come back and see me after the show, alright?"
The girl smiled shyly and nodded, disappearing into the hall without another word, leaving his room, leaving him to curl back into bed, unable to shake her face from his thoughts.
Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. He shouldn't have let her leave, should have said something else. And now it was too late. Alliana was dead and that fire that she had planted in him, that need, could never be quenched. No other woman had ever made him feel this way, and he didn't fight hard enough to keep her there that night, or make her come see him again. All he had was the memories of that single night, the lingering taste of her tongue on his lips, the ring of her voice in his ears, dulled by the passage of so many years.
The Lycaon didn't bother to fight the tears that had been building since two days ago. The hope that he would see her again had obsessed him over the past years. It had haunted his dreams, wiggled its way into his songs, his music, his very soul. And now that hope that had so long flooded his being turned only to pain, a burning that ate at his chest and elicited agonized moans from the singer. There was nothing more he could do, Julius knew. She was gone, and there was no remedying the mistakes of the past. He had lost her, lost his hope, and there was nothing left, nothing but this pain as his body mourned the death of a small piece of his heart.
And, suddenly, despite himself, Julius found himself singing. Unbidden, the song he had made for her, written to get her to see him once more, came forth through his choked sobs, as if it had been lurking inside him ever since that fateful concert, waiting to be completed. And so now the Lycaon sang, his voice fueled by his pain, finishing this song, letting it be voiced for what he knew was the last time.
"Christie, my heart bleeds for you. Christie, how my soul weeps for you. Christie, there is no cure for the scars left by you..."