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rain, rain go away come back another day" every since my young days as a toddler that rhyme followed me to the days I live now even in high school I could hear it since most of the time I choose to stay out of things such as group activates and arguments other people have. It seemed whenever I did get involved that people would just acknowledge my existence or give me the kind of stare that says "why does he even try ...he doesn't belong here" something that I've been asking myself most of the time really but more in the sense of where do I belong?.

I keep asking myself every day I wake up and every day I worked and lived in the city of Corkwood walking the damp crowded streets through the hustle and bustle of the people heading to their place's of work. Taking steps to work myself was a task just due to the fact the only reason I went to work is to do what anyone would do work for to get paid and to have a place to stay and food on the table so I won't starve could be worse but I'm thankful it's not.

Someone leaving or dying who was important to you really hits home just last year my grandfather died of natural causes doctors said he went peacefully something I'm happy for yet I was sad to see him go. last words he told me last I saw him was "When am I going home Ender" I couldn't bring myself to say he was not going home so I just smiled and held his hand during that time.

It hurt to see him go just as so many friends have left my life but it does not make me any less thankful that I'm here though sometimes I just wish it wasn't behind the counter of a tool store. working from seven thirty in the morning till six in the evening. Leavening psychically exhausted by the time I go shower and eat before laying down to relax with my laptop in front of me and the TV on while sipping some hot chocolate as I read the sports and music articles online.

Anyway before I get ahead of myself my names Ender I am a twenty year old border- collie who lives in a rundown apartment in the middle of Corkwood working day in day out at that same old tool store with no real aims beyond that in life. I never had any real close friends since I got the job here in this town nether any girl friends since I left the city I grew up in most of them ended in heart break anyway everyone of them by the girl giving some crappy reason as to why things "did not work out" which only made what was the beginning of a large void in my life bigger as the number of heartbreaks piled up behind me.

But I guess when it comes to love most people have had a numerous amount of heartbreaks since they started learning about love and all its secrets something I have yet to fully understand. You'd think I'd have a fresh start since I moved to a place where no one knew me or my past but seems most of the women are either too young or spoken for my mostly guys who have no real intention of loving them at all the way they should.

Life certainly gives out a load of crappy people is all I have to say about those kind of guys who just use women. So many guys who are better mannered and well behaved should be given a chance but seems most of the women here like a guy with money and sweat pants that make them look like they crapped themselves twenty-four seven which is kind of sad. But I can't really say I'm any better since I cut myself from time to time I even have the white marks on my arms to prove it from time to time it makes me feel alive something other people never seem to do other times I find joy in the little things be it a old photo or some funny edited video some with too much time on their hands made.

I do speak to other people now though mostly through online social networking sights sometimes by the webcam app Bluecam but I only really used that to talk to a co-worker of mine not a friend but a someone who seemed to understand me on a different level than other people ever could something I considered rare these days. We mostly spoke of work and how things are He never interfered with what I did even the whole cutting thing he didn't stop me just gently reassured me from time to time he was there if I needed him.

His name was Jacob he's a Dingo from the southern parts of the county but moved to Corkwood to have independence from his parents that and he wanted to be away from the bigots who hate Bisexual people in his former place of work. Something he never really told me about till we got close. to give you a idea of what a conversation between me and him was like it tends to go something like this:

Jacob would be at his desk working putting out orders and booking in any times to be put out onto the store shelves till eventually I would stop and sit for a minute to give my hands a rest from lifting heavy boxes. Then he would go onto make a joke his most recent one was "working hard or hardly working?" before snickering to himself and eventually breaking into conversation "you shouldn't push yourself you know Ender I'm sure the boss will understand if you need some time off to clear your head" I could only look at him with the same blank expression before it turned to a sad face along with my ears going down before rubbing the back of my head feeling dejected "I'm fine Jacob no need to worry just focus on your work ok"

Jacob would nod and sigh to himself with the same expression he always gets when I tell him I'm ok the kind of look a child would get when his or her father tells them why their dog died or why their fish had to go down the toilet bowl. All I could do to reassure him myself was to speak to him on Bluecam after work and go for a drink with him now then during the weekends which seemed to keep him on the happy side now and then but not enough to stop him from worrying about if he will see me the next day or if my mind was not broken beyond repair to the point I was a insane as Gary Docket who only got fired two days ago for throwing things at the boss all over a chocolate cake which kind of got him the knick name dumb ass fuck.

One day Jacob handed me a envelope with something inside he told me to open it after I finished my shift making be swear and cross my heart that I would wait before leaving to go back to his desk. I did do as I was told and waited through a tiring day of work with the supervisor yelling at me and the box's of products pilling up in the back to the point that I was happy to have got to the end of my shift.

I eventually opened it when we spoke again on Bluecam looking at what was inside kind of threw me for a loop something I did not expect him to give me tickets to a rock concert something I did not think he was into till just now. He looked at me on the screen with a hopeful look on his face waiting for me to respond to what was inside "Jacob I though you didn't like this kind of music...at least you don't seem to anyway" He just giggled and smiled at me "yer but you do and I wanted to show you just how much I care about you ok...please come I want to see a smile on your face for once please..for me"

I don't know what to do I buried myself away in nothingness when it came to feeling anything for anyone since I moved here but now I was just confused what should I say? what should I do? Jacob waited for a answer but I still did not know what to say should I consider it...should I go?