Searching Without a Goal by Kinoshi

Searching Without a Goal

Kinoshi, Anal, Badger, M/M, Oral, Reptile, Short

#4 of The Diary of Lucifer Stone

I'm searching for something but I have no clue what it is. All I can do is assume I'll know it when I see it, or at least well enough to hold onto it.

A badger came by, he just left actually. The funny thing is that I didn't really want to fuck him all that badly. It's getting close to midnight and I have to be at work early which is why I usually don't fuck on Sundays and if I do, I make sure that it's earlier. But I hadn't gotten any in the last few days and I'd been trading emails with him for a couple days now; this just happened to be the first partially convenient time for him to come over.

Right now, I'm not exactly sure why I had him come over, but that's to be expected since I just came, I guess. I had what felt like a savage nut I needed to fire off andâ€"to be frankâ€"I was kind of desperate. It's not really a matter, I guess, because there's a bit of desperation to all my fucks nowadays and it usually doesn't bother me.

He came over and I was pretty surprised despite the fact that I only half-heartedly let him in. He dressed loosely and the lights were off so I didn't get a good look at him or his frame until he was in my bedroom. He's older than me (I doubt he's anywhere even remotely close to Christoph, though) and it was pretty obvious, but he wasn't lying about being in shape. His fur and pelt felt like they should have been loose but were actually pulled tightly over well defined muscles. The scent he was wearing was one of the first things I recognized about him as he walked in, but in retrospect, that might have been anti-persperant. I can still smell it on my hand when I scratch my nose.

He only wore like a layer and a half of clothes so it was easy enough getting him out of those and I was in shorts and a sweatshirt so the same went for me. It was pretty clear from the beginning who'd be top and who'd be bottom so I pushed him back onto the bed and straddled his lap. A lick here, a nip there; I had a bit of fun with his nipples which he seemed to enjoy decently enough. I really wasn't planning on making a deal of foreplay since it was already late and I still was feeling kind of half hearted about actually fucking the guy.

I could feel his sheath filling against my leg and that started to make more content to be with him at the time. It felt solid and thick enough and when I reached down to toy with his peaking member, I could tell it was quite thick without even looking down. Thicker than me but not the thickest I've ever taken (though it was pretty close, I'd wager).

Being the good bottom I am, I crawled down his body into his lap and started teasing around his shaft and sheath without actually watching it grow. I could feel it against my neck or jaw though so I wasn't in the dark completely, I guess. I'm not sure why I bothered, but I started licking and nipping at the spot that folds between the leg and the sheath... I don't think it's the thigh or hip but... that spot (on both sides, mind you) and I was surprised by the reaction actually.

Badgers make one of the odder feral sounds I've ever heard. He wasn't the first badger I've ever fucked nor the first one to actually make that sound, but it still caught me by surprise since I don't fuck badgers all that often. I can't really describe it, though. I don't particularly care to try, either.

Anyway. Eventually I got to his memberâ€"which was pretty much full grown and while not impressive, it certainly wasn't disappointingâ€"and toyed with it between my lips. It's been a long time, now that I think of it, since I actually sucked a guy off til he came so by reflex, I attack my dick sucking like it's only for the purposes of foreplay. Guess that may be a bit of a porn mentality but... eh... it works.

Like I expected, he pulled me up a bit at which point I figured he'd either flip me over and fuck me on the spot or push me on my back and go down on me. Mind you, I was done with being half-hearted about wanting to fuck him by the time I got his dick in my muzzle, but I still wasn't expecting him to be a considerate top. Now, one of these days, I'm going to explain why I hate getting head so muchâ€"but suffice it to say, it usually sucks. So my reflex whenever someone guides my dick to their muzzles is to suppress a sigh, shut my eyes, and enjoy what I can for how little time I can.

If there was nothing else that was a pleasant surprise, that was. I can't say that badgers have a natural dick sucking tongue like felines, but he worked well with what he had. I kept my eyes shut so I wouldn't be frustrated at watching him only deal with like half my member, but it was still some pretty good head. He twisted and bobbed and stroked at it like he actually enjoyed giving head.

It must have been because he was good at it that prompted me to delve into one of my long lost passions of sixty-nine'ing. I haven't done that in ages since... well... I'll give the "I hate getting my dick sucked" rant later. But yeah, it's been a long time and I used to love it since sucking a dick (which is hot) while having your dick sucked (which used to be hot) is almost foolproof.

I nudged at one of his legs and repositioned myself to be on my back (always the least comfortable position of the two but... eh) and he just kept going at it. Which, of course, prompted me to suck him off with as much passion. Being unable to move your head makes actually doing it a little more difficult, but you just have to manage correctly. I kept pretty much all of his dick in my muzzle the whole time and virtually assaulted his head and the first inch and a half or so (which, yes, I know, is bad manners) with my tongue alone. As we were going at it, I got so into it that I even moaned. I don't remember the last time I moaned at having my dick in someone else's muzzle.

Between the grinding and the near face-fucking on both our behalfs, he managed to pull out of my muzzle before he came... which was right about the time the wind in my sails began to die down. I got a taste of his pre (which was neither bad nor amazing), though. But yeah, he kept going at my dick (which still felt pretty good) and I couldn't really do much other than hold onto his waste and nuzzle his crotch for fear of getting him off. And the more he sucked me off... the more I began to think "fuck it", so much so that I almost finished him in my muzzle 1 or 2 more times before I finally managed to pull my dick from his muzzle and get the lube for him.

Bless his soul for either liking doggy style or being complacent about it because after I handed it to him, I merely assumed the position. He didn't say a damned thing about it, which was fine with me. Though fuck him for being a sheer top because only sheer tops make the mistake of entry (especially with a thick member like his) without so much as a finger's worth of stretching. I had a sense of foreboding when I felt him lube the outside of my sphincter like he was wiping ointment on a wound or something. I could have said something, but I had way too much dick in my muzzle for way too long to be sensible.

And it hurt just as much as I fucking knew it would when he pushed his way in. I mean, the pain subsided quickly like I knew it would, but there's a principle to be followed. You don't fuck someone without stretching them at least a little.

Anyway, he lasted longer than I thought he would. I sort of expected him to be in for like 2 or 3 minutes, hammer away, and be done before I had loosened up for his girth. But we settled into a rhythm quickly enough. He didn't have enough length to get a really great thrust, but it was a good enough for me to feel it. And it was thick. And that's good enough.

He got the hang of me loosening up about the same as I got the hang of actually having him in my painlessly and that's when I just put my head down in my pillow and started rocking against him. I won't lie; I really needed that fucking and he actually delivered. I'm pleased to say that I had a good time.

He fucked me on my knees for a bit before lowering me down to lie on my stomach and kept fucking me like that. I don't get fucked while actually laying flat on my stomach too often, but it's a pleasure when it happens. The angle is better, if you ask me and it's pretty much impossible to keep quiet. Plus, it almost forces your top to lay on your back, and more body contact is always better.

I had really gotten into it and completely zoned out when he pulled out and I had to actively try to hide my disappointment. Sure, he lasted longer than expected, but what's wrong with wishing the guy fucking you could literally go on for eternity (or until you cum)?

He rolled me onto my back and we both ended up finishing in our hand and paw respectively. I shot hard because I needed that fucking for a couple days. He didn't shoot all that hard but by the time it happened, I didn't really give a fuck.

Pretty much everyone I fuck I'm glad to see out the door but it's been a minute since I've so quickly wished that my partner would just get the fuck up and leave. Actually, in truth, I wished I was alone and had just jacked off instead because I really didn't want him there. And yet we lie there with our limbs tangled and he kept grinding into me while kissing me and I did what I could to give as many non-verbal "quit it"s as possible.

I glanced over his shoulder and saw how late it was and I had a flashback of the bear I fucked not too long ago; the one I almost killed. That was... strange. Surprisingly enough, the thought "I could kill him right now" only flashed through my head for an instant and took a backseat to the ever so powerful "I want him gone yesterday" that was parading through my skull.

It's funny... because as he was getting dressed, I looked over at the bed sheets which I still have to change before I turn in tonight, and seriously thought "fuck... I have to wash those now. It really wasn't even that worth it." Simultaneously, it occurred to me how badly I wished he was still fucking me after he pulled out and how the notion to beg him to just finish inside actually occurred to me. I'm used to my craving for sex dissipating soon after an orgasm, but it's been a while since it was such a powerful change so quickly.

But yeah, he left eventlessly (thank someone), and I'm still sitting here looking over at the bed sheets from time to time. And I can't help but wonder, why am I doing this? It's very clear to me that I don't want to be looking at soiled sheets thinking "it wasn't worth the detergent I'm going to have to use." It's very clear that I don't want to cum and, immediately afterwards, wish that my partner would just disappear into thin air. It's very clear that I don't want to spend my afterglows thinking "is this all?"

But what isn't clear to me at all, is what I do want.

I know for sure it's not this, but I've said to myself "I'm done with these random hookups" before and I still do it, so I'm not going to waste the energy. But as for what it is... I don't know.

Until then, I'm just searching. Unfortunately, I don't know what for.

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