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Matsu smiled at him before pressing her hand to his cheek, it was soft, warm, comforting. She knew that he only came to see her when he needed some company and hoped that one day, perhaps he would see her as more than just a companion.

"It's ok. I understand," she spoke softly, her tender touch leaving his cheek and moving down to her chest, beginning to unbutton her blouse.

He stood still, watching her with the level of lust Matsu had come to expect of him, hoping he would never get bored of their little rendezvous'. She peeled open her shirt, letting it hang off the back of her shoulders, then unhooked the front clasp of her bra and let her breasts spring free from the confines of the cups which fell to either side of her chest.

"This is what you wanted, right?" Matsu smiled at him, looking up into his eyes with a still rather sheepish and embarrassed look. Even though this was their fourth meeting.

It didn't matter why, or how they met. All Matsu cared about was that he took solace in her, confided in her, used her. Even if he kept going back to the girl who broke his heart, she was thankful that he would come to her with each tear, each frustration, each greedy desire he had brewing within him and unleashed it all upon her. Whether she was a shoulder to cry on or a bitch to be fucked, she was happy to provide for him, all for him and him alone.

As the man in her heart reached for her chest, expecting him to ravish her like he usually would, her heart sank, and Matsu started to cry. His hands pulled her shirt closed, began to button it up as he watched his fingers.

"I'm sorry. I really think she means it this time." Those words stung her ears with cold. Though his voice was warm, even tender as it always was, she was left frost bitten, hear ears stinging yet numb.

"W-what? Then, why are you here?"

"I can't see you anymore. She knows."

"But, can't you see! She see's other men too, she doesn't really want you, she never did!"

Matsu cried, begged, pulled away from his hands and scattered buttons over the floor leaving her breasts to swing freely as she fell back, stumbling towards her bed.

"She's a bitch! All she does is lie and hurt you, she breaks your heart every time!"

She felt her face flare with soreness, the sting drowning out his words in the aftermath of a slap.

"Don't speak ill of her. I love her, damn it. I know. I know all of that, but I can't help how I feel!" He was as frustrated as ever, she was able to tell the moment he came in, it was the usual reason he came to visit.

"If she has to be the only girl in my life, so I can be with her, then so be it."

"No! She isn't worth it! She doesn't deserve you," she whimpered, sobbing her words as she fell to her knees from the bed and grasped the hem of his shirt.

"She's a selfish, heartless bitch. She doesn't deserve you. I do!"

Matsu stared up at him, her eyes cascading, pleading at him like a puppy as she knelt there, pulling on his shirt, begging between her sobs.

"Please. Please!"

"She never loved you, she doesn't love you. I do!" Her final words before being pushed off to fall to the ground and brace herself on her hands, tears pooling on the floor.

He turned away, opening her bedroom door and walked out, slowly, looking over his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Matsu."

"No! John, please!"

He leaves her behind, closing the door as he goes, her crying muffled. She never told him her name, it was best to stay unconnected, or so he said. But after all the time they had spoken, the times they had been connected. How could she ever turn off her emotions? Matsu pulled herself back up onto her bed to lay on it, pressing her face to a pillow to stifle her sorrow, the memory of their first night together, their meeting, torturing her.

They met online. Matsu the model and John the 'word-smith', she liked to read what he wrote, she never actually thought she would meet anyone through a website, but she seemed to find him anyway. And he, found a girl to confide in, one that didn't treat him like he was just some kind of game. They met for a drink and connected straight away, she was enticed by his mind, his creativity, his story telling. No wonder then, that it led to something sexual, even though he seemed distracted every time they met, she loved Johns company.

Then, Matsu found out about 'her' the girl who broke Johns heart in the past, yet still they spoke, rarely but enough to make him long for this other girl to be in his life still. And Matsu hated it, hated the girl, hated what she did to John, still does to him and how blinkered his view was. It made her sick. All the things John could do, if he wanted, all the nice stories he could write if only he could see past the other girl and only see her, only see Matsu. It wasn't fair. But what was?

Matsu's tears faded, she dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom to wash her clammy face, cleaning away the salt and the dirt of running mascara and smeared lipstick. Looking down at her chest she took in a deep breath, then released. Determined. Matsu had decided, the choice was hers and hers alone, it was hers to make. To choose to be his, no matter what the cost, she would prove to him that she was his, all his, if only he could see that. In her room, Matsu stripped down and looked at herself in her stretch mirror, at her figure, the shape, the curves of her breast, her shapely rear. She nodded, logged into her computer and brought up Johns profile, looking through his images for the picture she once recalled seeing and printed it off.

It didn't take long for her to reach town, an eighty pence bus fair and twenty minute journey dressed in a skirt and tank top. She knew exactly where to go, a hand pressed into her handbag as she strode down the street, turning and striding onward down alleys and roads until she reached 'Monsters Ink' tattoo parlour.

"I want a tattoo," Matsu stated sternly to the heavy set man behind the desk, whipping out the image she had in her bag and setting it atop the counter.

"You want this? Where?"

"My lower back, just above my butt, in the centre."

The man tilted his head, 'Just above the crack?' he chuckled.

'Yeah. That a problem?' She began to quiver, her resolve slowly beginning to fade, forcing out her words with embarrassment.

"No problem. It's gonna hurt though." He smiled.

"T-that's fine!"

The large man looked her in the eyes, turned his attention to his computer, then looked her in the eyes once more.

"I have time now, if you want and you have I.D."

"Yes." She stood up straight, reached into her bag and took out her purse and learners driving licence, handing it over to the man.

"Alright. It's gonna cost yah," he stroked his short bushy beard for a moment.

"Eighty quid for the tat, twenty for the time."

Matsu's eyes widened, she never expected it to be so much, she never even considered having a tattoo before either, it was all spontaneous. But, she wanted it.

"D-do you take card payments?"

The man laughed "Of course."

Taking her licence back, Matsu followed the man over to a chair and she sat down, straddling it, resting her arms on the back as she leaned forward a little. He walked off into the back to make a transfer of her image as she sat there, shivering, fidgeting for a few moments before he returned with what he needed.

"Alright, luv. Show me where you want it, with your hand."

Reaching back she lifted her tank top and tugged the back of her skirt and knickers down a little to expose the very top of her butt crack, then patted just above it. The man lightly nudged her hand out of the way with his wrist as he settled the transfer into position and rubbed it against her skin, after a minute he peeled the paper away and lifted up a mirror.

"Here, right?"

Matsu looked over her shoulder at the mirror and nodded, it was in the perfect place, her arms lay rest on the chairs back once again, her tank top rolled up to just under her breasts, scrunched up to stay in place as the man returned her nod and turned on the equipment.

"Try to relax."

The needle connected with her flesh, like a thousand needles stabbing into her as it rapidly punctured her skin and seemed like it was gazing her very bone. Matsu bit her lip and whined surprised at the odd feeling and the pain. Maybe she was too thin, maybe she should have chose a different spot, but any other spot wouldn't do. Thoughts rushed her mind, overwhelming her with pain and anxiety as the needle skewered her.

"You alright? You want me to stop?"

"No. Keep going, I need it."

Every few moments, Matsu felt the brush of paper towel over her back, wiping away blood and ink as he continued, shaking his head to himself as he followed the outline of the image all the way around back to its starting point. The whole image was one simple shape and colour, so the tattoo artist proceeded to fill in the space within the outline with the same black ink. The image itself was only a couple inches in height on her lower back, it didn't take long to do or fill in, but to her it felt like it was taking an eternity as she bared with the pain until he finally finished.

"Right. You need to take one of these 'tattoo care' leaflets and follow its instructions, carefully."

His hands wiped away blood and ink, cleaning her back with a damp paper towel, then settled a small square of gauze over her new, small tattoo, taping it firmly in place before getting up to allow her to stand, handing her a small bag of gauze squares and the leaflet.

"Don't touch it and don't pick at it."

Lead over to the counter to pay, Matsu smiled to herself, eyes red and puffy, her cheeks glistened with tears as she tapped her pin number into the keypad. Then removing the card, taking her receipt and turning to leave.

"Thank you," she breathed out, pushing the door open and walking out onto the street.

On Thursday, she got a text from John. The girl told him that she had taken an overdose and he was worried and angry. He had lashed out and wasn't sure what to feel anymore and then nothing. Not until Saturday. John texted Matsu again, it said that he had fallen out with the girl again, that she wanted him out of her life and that he was nothing but a burden, someone who forced her to do things, pressured her and made unfair demands of her. That was the last Matsu heard from him, she knew how much the girl would have upset him, but she hoped he wouldn't do anything stupid, he didn't deserve what she was doing to him, what she had done. But deep down, Matsu knew, she knew that John was going to do something very stupid, even though she was there for him. Matsu knew that this other girl, the girl she had never met or seen, had now ruined her or any others chances of being with John.

She left her home that same night that John stopped responding to her. Saturday night, the busiest night for any town, someone could easily get lost amidst the crowd, the perfect busy night, to not be found. Matsu was worried sick and her back still hurt form Thursday, but she had to find him, somehow. She knew the streets well and she knew how he would disappear if he really wanted to. So she battled through the crowds of people and did her best to run to the river, but there were so many access points. There was no way for her to know which one he would use, or even if she was too late. She knew, the moment his body hit the river, it would float away, maybe never to be seen again. Crying, Matsu knew John was an incredibly stupid guy for someone so smart, so talented. He would weigh himself down enough to not sink but also not be too obvious on the surface of the water. Not that it mattered with how dark it was, she couldn't see a thing and just began to scream despondent, desperate and agonised cries filling the nights joyfully drunken air.

Sat at the edge of a bridge, her legs dangling and swinging over the side, she stared at the rippling surface and wiped her face. Maybe someone caught him, maybe someone saw his body floating, maybe he chickened out. Matsu moved off of the bridges edge and walked back into town, nobody knew he was missing for sure, not even her, she just assumed the worst, perhaps she didn't know John as well as she thought, or if John was even his real name. Then she remembered something he said. Something about where he lived, a hint to where his flat was. She tensed her brow, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to remember.

When her eyes opened, she walked the streets in a daze, clouded by foggy memories and the rough direction of where he might live. She came to a door and rung the bell. A man answered, he looked at her.

"Can I, help you?"

"I-is he here?"

"Is who, here?"

"J-John."

"John? There's no John here."

She cried, whimpering, sobbing, her hand pressed into the door frame as her fingers gripped the wood, mumbling and muttering to herself 'Where are you, John' the words garbled.

"Oh! Do you mean Tom? Yeah, he lives here, but he's been out for a while now. We don't know where he's gotten to."

Matsu stared at the man, eyes blurred "He's not here? He's missing?"

"Yeah, he said he was going out. He doesn't usually do that and we haven't heard from him since."

"Thanks." She turned to leave, the man's hands clasping her by the shoulder.

"Wait. Who are you? Do you know something?"

Shaking her head, she pulled away from his grasp.

"No. Nothing," she sobbed, walking away.

Matsu closed the door to her room. It started raining before she got back and she was soaked to the bone. Taking off her clothes and letting them fall into a soggy pile, she kicked them aside into a corner with the rest of her laundry before peeling off the gauze that protected her tattoo, looking at it in her mirror with a blank face. Her eyes dulled. Letting her computer whirr into life as she showered, before returning to her room to sit on her bed and log into the website, bringing up John's profile. Tom's profile. No activity for six hours. Matsu clicked her mail inbox, seventeen new messages. The usual.

'Can you show me your tits.'

'Put up some pictures slut!'

'Are you taken? If not, you're mine.'

And other ridiculous messages, insults, rude people contacting her and acting like she was nothing but meat or there for their entertainment. She looked over at her desk, her digital camera sat atop it and a small bag of items that he had left behind by mistake.

"I'm his. And nobody knows," she trailed off, talking to herself.

Matsu's hands roamed her mouse around the website and entered her profile, clicked edit and changed her relationship statuses. In a relationship, taken, owned, slave of. She chose everything she could that the site offered and made sense to her, selecting his profile with each one. Then, she would honour him the only way she could think of. Commenting on some of his photos, his writings, writing a journal about how much she loved him and missed him. And finally opened his bag of items to see what was in there.

"Oh, Tom..." Matsu' face wavered from its tense determination, back to sorrow.

Her fingers traced the latch of the leather collar and its several rings, sitting it on the bed before taking out a pair of soft kitten paw gloves, hair clip ears, a home-made anal bead tail instead of a plug and Matsu began to cry again as she realized he made it for her. She was an anal play virgin and enjoyed pet play, so he had gone to the effort of making her an anal bead tail since she couldn't handle a plug yet. He was sweet, kind and thoughtful. She already missed him so much as she lay the items on the bed and bit back her sadness, the taste of blood flooding her senses as she picked the collar back up and put it on.

About to scrunch the bag up and toss it aside, Matsu felt some weight to it, two small objects were hidden in the bottom corner of the bag that she hadn't noticed and she took them out. The first a small golden bell and the other was a pet tag with her name engraved into the surface. Her fingers played over the split-ring of the bell, pulling it apart to slide the name tag onto it before attaching it to the front d-ring of the collar. Then she picked up her camera, turned it on and took the first photo she had ever taken of herself for the profile. It was real, emotional, raw. Her upper bare body, collar and a teary eyed distressed face that nobody could ignore, or fake. She turned off her camera and uploaded the photo straight away. Her profile had gone imageless ever since its creation and now it finally showed her to the world, as the girl she longed to be (but could not be), his girl. She saved the caption as his profile title and then the comment 'Always and forever his' after it.

Matsu continued to take several photos of herself, using the timer on her camera to take photos of her in the kitten play items, saving the images to the site and captioning them with his website title in every photo before she took one last photo that would sit at the start of all the others. It took her a while to take the perfect shot, by her standards, of her rear and the tattoo of his symbol. His mark. The thing to prove she would always be his, sitting atop her perfect, pert buttocks. She uploaded the last photo, gave it the usual opening of his screen name and finished it off with '- Always and forever your slave, your kitten and your love. No other man will replace you. Please, don't be dead.'.