Leaving Noise
It's amazing how big a difference is made with a few small changes.Edit I changed the Title. Used to be "Running from Noise".
I waste time, staying silent -- not wanting to say the wrong thing. I don't know what to say or do, so I hide. I hide because things are not right. I hide from this person who says they're changing, so I pipe down, and stop running.
How... How am I to spend time with anyone. I think of plains, of deserts, of the hot, angry sun. I stay alone, and everyone knows... that. I remember a tune of a life ages ago.
Even if I tell myself this is wrong, that I'm not a bomb, I find myself saying I'm not strong. I run, I cry, I stomp and scream, "Why must I do this all the time? Why must I bury emotions, thinking it is a crime?" I run, I stomp, I fall and dive into a shallow recess.
Through out this whole event, I can feel the pain. It comes like fire, in sparks, it ruins the earth like it is meant to. I scream and run from the heat, I hug myself for comfort, and feel the world drift away as I become numb to the rain.
"There's pain? What pain? The pain of loving, of laughing, of crying? The pain of losing someone, whether they're leaving, or they're dying? You should recede to the plains, where nothing but grass can warm you up."
After a while, after a few hours, I leave my comfortable bed. I feel tired, no nap can ease my burning head. My head is not cool, not collected, yet I leave the house and enter a world that's red. I feel the dawn of another day, a day filled with things not spoken, not seen, and that only brings dread.
I stay for while in this red world, trying to be cool and calm and collected. I see people, people who talk nonsense. They talk of love and hate, of sex and what's great... It grates my head. I hate this hand I've been dealt. Others say that I'll be alright, that things are okay - I don't believe it, but I try be what they say.
I feel stressed, I feel overwhelmed, so I retreat into my own world hard pressed. I wrap myself up, I add water to my wet face, and I sleep, but not rest.
It's in this pain of life. This feeling of numbness. From the noise, I run swiftly. From you, from love, from life, all things sweet. I'm running. Running from me, and my cluelessness.
I want peace.