The Countdown Begins
#34 of The Lost Element
The dream... I still remember it after awakening. It was the same as before. When it began, I found myself wearing a gold bracelet. And on Fluttershy's hoof was a matching silver one. It made sense since a gold one would be harder to spot against her pale golden coat. We were a couple. And yet, she had no recollection of what occurred during the wedding. Somehow... I knew this world was false. That I was doomed to awaken. Even so, I went on about my day, praying that this dream would not end. I truly wish I could write more of what occurred in that dream, but just trying to remember it leaves me feeling too miserably emotionally drained to even bring pen to paper.
The day was simple. I found myself working at the spa, offering massages to the likes of Twilight Sparkle, Fleetfoot of the Wonderbolt, and even Mrs. Cake for once. I joined my girlfriend... No, my wife. I joined her for lunch at the café. We were joined by Rarity, who spoke fondly of Gladesong once more. Everything felt so routine. So...perfect. A life I would not trade for anything.
And yet, it did. As I was on my way over to the schoolhouse that afternoon, I could feel something touch my cheek. I could feel it, but not see it. Was it...feathers? And soon... Words seemed to echo in my ears. Distant, yet familiar... And the voice... I believe they were... "Crestfallen soul... Rest for this night. Love is here, right here under my wings..."
It was the chorus of a song I know too well. A personal favorite. But who... Who was calling me? Who do I know that also knows that song? I could not remain asleep. The world around me faded and my vision soon faced a familiar window. The instant my eyes began to focus, it happened once more. The memories... They assaulted my mind without any provocation. Without me even trying to remember them. I felt weak. And angry. Who would dare awaken me from that wonderful dream?
I turned my head, my mind still in agony. But when I did, I saw someone gazing right down at me. For that instant, the memories all but faded as other memories rose to push them aside. The pain receded, even if just momentarily. I knew this mare. Someone dearly precious to me that I had somehow forgotten about, yet remembered the instant I saw her. The Princess of Dreams. Nightmare Moon.
My vision instantly became blurred as I beheld the majesty of her beauty for the first time since that wretched day. I needed her... Wanted to hold her. Finding strength I thought I no longer had, I forced myself up despite the pain that radiated through my right arm. Although I noticed it was duller than it was the day before. I lifted my left arm to her, and she responded in kind. She held me close with a foreleg wrapped around me while my head leaned against her. I struggled to silence myself even as the tears flowed.
She could feel my relief and my sorrow. I know she could. I heard her whisper into my ear. "Shhh... All is well, my dear... I am here now..."
God... I could not believe how relieved I was to see her. Almost as if I had forgotten how precious she is to me. But just as I was almost beginning to feel happy, the memories forced themselves to the forefront of my mind once more. The memories of being harmed... The turmoil I faced... I cringed, my grasp on her loosening.
Nightmare Moon was quick to notice something was not right. She tenderly lowered me back to my bed, her hoof softly resting upon my chest after she pulled my sheets back over me. She then spoke softly to me while those gorgeous exotic eyes never once looked away. She was both happy...yet fearful. "My friend... There are no words to express my relief that you have survived this ordeal. However... I can clearly see that a new crisis has begun."
"That obvious...?" I spoke weakly, feeling more drained than before due to the mental duress. I so desperately wanted to think of something else. To push those memories away. Perhaps think of a scene from a video game I played. Maybe even a song I would like to hum to myself. Or even just a special time I had with any of my friends. But no matter what I tried to think of, those memories were smothered by the presence of the memories I desperately wanted to forget.
My royal friend lifted her hoof out of her polished blue metal greave and tenderly caressed my head with such unexpected tenderness. Almost like a mother comforting her young. "You do not have to say anything to me, James. Since shortly after you fell into a deep slumber, Luna and I have been watching you time and again from within the dream realm. And what we saw...and felt...unnerved us."
"You... Both of you were there?" I asked, finding it hard to believe I could not detect a difference between them and the dream world. But at what point did I encounter them? During the wedding? Or some other time?"
Nightmare Moon nodded, noticing my puzzlement. "Yes. We were. But the only time we actually stood before you was at Sugarcube Corner when you introduced us to your daughter. Gladesong, was it?"
Gladesong... That adorable filly. I actually found myself missing her, even if she was just a dream. "Yeah..."
My friend seemed to notice how glum I felt as I barely managed to clearly think of her through the memories that constantly assaulted me. "She was a fine child... If you and Fluttershy are blessed with a filly somewhere in the future, I hope she will be just like her. But aside from that, Luna and I were doing more than just visiting. We were investigating."
Investigating... Leave it to the Princess of Dreams herself to find something not quite right in a dream. "Well... What was off about it?"
"Several aspects." She replied bluntly, although she then sat beside my bed and once more caressed my cheek. Not with her hoof, but with her beautiful billowing mane. "Just reaching your dreaming mind was a challenge. Something...or someone was attempting to keep me out. And when I attempted to force my way in, I... I was torn asunder, my entire body coming apart at the seams. That is all I remember before I awoke."
That description was nothing short of haunting. In other words...something killed her within the dream world to force Nightmare Moon to awaken. I remained silent, unsure of what I could say to that claim. Nightmare Moon then continued, "It required the combined might of both me and Luna to actually reach your dreaming mind. And even then, it was not without resistance. The first time, I am all but certain one of my wings was severed from my body and my left eye was destroyed. Of course, once we reached the other side, we could easily undo such harm to our bodies in the dream realm. But even so, we had to endure such maiming with each excursion into your dream."
"Why would you put up with that? Couldn't you just wait for me to wake up?" I asked in return, feeling bad that both she and Luna would put themselves through such pain just to see me.
My friend displayed a solemn smile before she spoke softly to me. "Because you are dear to us, my friend. We know what you went through and we so desperately wanted to be there for you in your time of need. And while being trapped in a coma prevented us from speaking to you in person, Luna and I can enter any dream in the world. Even in the comatose. It was the only way we could see you. But..."
She paused for a moment. Something was clearly troubling her. "When we did arrive for the first time and mended our wounds, we immediately noticed something...strange about the world. It felt too...real. It felt more like we were standing in the real Ponyville than a mere illusion of it."
I was puzzled by how anyone could tell the difference between the real world and an abnormally real dream world, but I suppose the Princess of Dreams herself could easily detect such a difference. I stayed silent to allow her to continue. Her story was providing me with something interesting to focus on in order to keep my most painful memories subdued. "Furthermore... In most dreams, the world revolves around the dreamer as only the dreamer is truly seeing it. Yet, no matter how far Luna and I strayed from you, the world remained active and alive. It was not being sustained by just your dreaming mind. It was as if it was a perfectly simulated living world."
Interesting. But then a thought occurred to me. "Well... Were you both there at the end when...THAT happened?"
Nightmare Moon bowed her head. She knew what I was referring to. "Luna was tending to some of her duties at the time, so she could not be there with me. But yes. I was there. The apparition that tried to keep us out was all but gone when I attempted to dive into your dream yesterday, so I was met with minimal resistance."
"And...did you feel the world quiver? The sky change and stuff?" I asked in return, wondering if all those strange phenomenon were something only I experienced.
She nodded with a frown. "I did. That was merely your body trying to wake up. But... The way the world melted... How it just fell apart... It was truly one of the most unsettling sights I have ever witnessed, dream or otherwise. Something truly vile must have been at work there. And I intend to find out what it was."
Something vile... I could still remember that overwhelming mental pain I felt yesterday when I saw the four mares who betrayed me... And how my memories simply will not stop tormenting me... I suppose she was right. That is not how the mind functions. Perhaps those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder may suffer similar symptoms, but... Surely, what I went through alone would not be enough for me to come down with that. Would it?
Strangely enough, I was feeling somewhat better while speaking to her and listening. I felt like I had slightly more energy than before. I was not feeling as mentally drained. And even though those memories were still present, they were somewhat ignorable. The pain was still there, but more diluted.
Even so, that did not stop her from speaking the grim truth. "And to that effect, I must address what is happening as of now. I have spoken to the nurses in the hospital who are charged with your care. Your body is...sadly...slowly deteriorating. And judging by the symptoms...the cause cannot possibly be natural."
I could not help thinking back to Discord. Out of anyone who may have had something to do with what was wrong with me, he was the only one who made sense. The rules I forced onto him. How he locked away every last spell that I could not use or had not mastered at the time. Is it possible he kept just one little spell up his sleeve to screw me over if I won? Considering all he did... I would not be surprised. "You think this has anything to do with Discord?"
Nightmare Moon sighed while looking noticeably displeased. I suspect the very thought of him made her slightly angry. "I would not be surprised by this point. Knowing that scoundrel, he would likely keep at least one ace in the hole ready incase things were not going his way. But even so... These circumstances seem far too grim for his tastes... I doubt he would want to drag anyone to the grave with him. He had never been any sort of a nihilist..."
She then turned her attention back to me after looking away briefly. "But that is beside the point. I have ordered the staff who are watching over you to provide my sisters and I with updates on your physical condition and activity every eight hours. I know something is wrong here. And I will be performing research in the royal archives to try to find a solution. We've come too far to lose you now, my friend."
Somewhere in my heart, I felt genuinely touched. I have always adored Nightmare Moon. I saved her back in the Everfree Forest. And now it was her turn to save me. Even so... I still had to ask. "Do you really think I'm worth keeping alive... Even after what I did?"
Nightmare Moon sighed with a truly solemn frown. Once more, her mane reached out and caressed my cheek. "My friend... That was not you. I know you well and the man who brought Discord down was not truly you. You are, as of this moment, still the friend I adore and the man your friends remember. Not the monster who ended Discord. So... Yes. You are indeed worthy of saving."
I felt a twinge of uneasiness as Nightmare Moon began to rise to a standing position once more. "Please... I know you are in a great deal of pain right now. But please, try to endure it for as long as you can. We will triumph over this obstacle, James. But you must stay alive long enough for that to happen. When I find out what it is that is plaguing you, I will return with the cure. Until then... Rest. You have earned it."
She turned to leave and began to approach the door. But as she did, I felt a tiny spark of desperation fill me. I did not want her to leave. "Wait... Are you leaving now?"
Nightmare Moon turned to gaze at me over her shoulder. She looked unhappy as well. "I must, James. I need to return to Canterlot and begin my research. The sooner I find the cure, the better."
"I know and I appreciate that. But..." I felt so embarrassed, feeling so desperate for her company. I knew I was going to sound like a pathetic child, but I did not want to wait and regret not telling her. "Could you... Would you please stay a while longer?"
Her expression brightened slightly, although it was mostly a show of shock. She clearly did not expect those words. But that rather surprised expression soon turned into a calm and relieved smile. "I would be honored, my friend."
And so she returned to my side. And there she stayed. She never once complained. Never asked if she could be excused. Even though I was bedridden, I never once truly felt bored. Nightmare Moon was always within reach. If I was not holding her, she was holding me.
The memories became less vivid. The pain receded. I could remember better times. The moment we first met. The time we were reunited in the castle ruins within the Everfree Forest. The relief upon seeing the crisis resolved with her set to return to the throne. And so many other times afterward. How could I have forgotten all that we had been through?
I am unsure how much time passed. Knowing I may have received a death sentence with an undecided due date and being confined to a hospital room causes time to be largely irrelevant to me. However, our time together was eventually interrupted by the arrival of one of the nurses with a wheeled cart carrying a tray of...hospital food.
"Breakfast time, Mr. Ja... Uh... Your highness?" A rather gruff woman's voice spoke from the doorway. The nurse I had come to recognize as Snowheart seemed genuinely surprised to find one of the princesses of Equestria sitting beside me. With a yellow coat similar to Apple Bloom's, green eyes, and a curled mane and tail of grayish blues, she always sounded either tired or annoyed and jaded. She is probably someone who is not entirely fond of her job, or just takes her job very seriously with almost no room for goofing around, something that I can certainly relate to.
Nightmare Moon was quick to glance in her direction, but then seemed to scowl as she gazed at the tray of food that was on the cart. "Nurse... You don't truly expect him to eat that slop, do you?"
I suspect seeing that food brought back some unpleasant memories of when Nightmare Moon was briefly hospitalized once she was brought back from the Everfree Forest. She really did not sound like she enjoyed their cooking... Snowheart glanced down at the food, apparently not being used to having patients, or anyone else for that matter, complain about the food. "Well...uh... You know we have to put nutrition before everything else, your highness. And... Have visiting hours started already?"
"If they have not, I hereby command you as Princess of Dreams to allow me to stay by his side regardless. And please, do try to add a bit more flair to his meals from now on." Nightmare Moon replied with a stern gaze. She certainly is not afraid to exert her authority when necessary.
"Well... All right then, your highness. I'll just leave this here with you." Snowheart said before pushing the cart to my bedside and making her way out of the room. The food definitely did not seem very appetizing at all. It seemed to consist of a pile of mashed green vegetables and a cube of cherry gelatin or something for dessert. Although I was liking the look of that red fruit punch.
Being someone who is right-handed, I had some difficulty manipulating the fork that was provided with my left hand due to my right hand being tightly bandaged. That, and it was likely still heavily burned to the point of being too painful to move. Fortunately, Nightmare Moon as all too willing to help guide my hand with the levitation spell. Drinking with my left hand has never been a problem though. Huh... I notice I am actually feeling rather happy by looking at my style of writing while I remember what happened with her...
The food was rather bland overall. Nothing to write home about. I somehow managed to finish it all despite feeling barely hungry at all. Nightmare Moon seemed quick to notice my lack of enjoyment while I ate. "Nothing special, am I right?"
"You can say that... I'm not that hungry to begin with." I replied quietly. For whatever reason, the memories were beginning to resurface at a snail's pace. And my enthusiasm and smile began to diminish with their return.
Nightmare Moon could clearly see that something was wrong, even though I sure I could be seen as being merely tired. She seemed reluctant to speak, but did so anyway. "My friend... I can see that whatever is plaguing you still has you in its grasp. I have no desire to leave you, but... I must return to Canterlot and begin my research. I will return whenever I can, but..."
I did not wish to see her go, but I understood why she had to. She wanted to insure that I stay alive. And while a part of me was welcoming my eventual doom, another part of me wanted to survive. She then stepped forward and placed a kiss upon my forehead, one that filled me with a tingling warmth. "Please stay alive. You...are my guiding light. For without you... I would be lost."
I could see and hear in her voice that she was trying to stay optimistic. She knew that there may be a way for me to be saved and that she was certain that she could find it. But at the same time, she was facing the certainty of the loss of someone important to her. That I would likely be dead before long if something was not done. Even so, I placed my hand on her shoulder. I wanted her to know I appreciate her efforts. "Thank you..."
Just as she was beginning to turn to leave, we froze at the sound of the door to the room beginning to open. And standing in the doorway was another familiar face that I was truly happy to see. "Huh? Nightmare Moon? I'm sorry, am I interrupting anything?"
Nightmare Moon turned to face the visitor and cast a somber smile towards her. "Not at all, Twilight Sparkle. I was just about to return to Canterlot. In fact... I have a favor to ask."
Twilight nodded and stood her ground while Nightmare Moon began to draw near. Once they were standing before each other, Nightmare Moon spoke calmly. "As you know, our friend is..." She then cast a solemn gaze back at me while I watched in silence. "He needs somepony near him. Somepony dear to him that he trusts. May I ask you to keep watch over him for as long as possible?"
I was unsure at first of just what it was she was requesting, especially with my thoughts being clouded of such wretched memories. But Twilight soon spoke the words I was trying to think of. "You mean... His caretaker?"
"That is precisely what I am asking. Do you feel you are up to it?" Nightmare Moon asked in return with her expression still seeming quite somber.
There was a moment of silence between the two mares. Twilight looked past the Princess of Dreams towards me, but then soon showed a somber smile. "I would be honored... I'll make sure he gets what he needs."
"Thank you, Twilight. Now, I must return to Canterlot. Time is of the essence." Nightmare Moon said with a satisfied smile before turning her gaze back towards me. "I shall return, my friend... Please, be safe." I silently waved at her while she made her way out the door, leaving me alone with Twilight.
My friend trotted over to me, trying to seem happy despite the gloom that was hanging over us. "Well... Looks like we're going to be seeing each other a lot more often for a while. How're you feeling today, James? Any better?"
I really wanted to say yes, but I was feeling far from fine. The memories were still filling my mind with every waking moment. It hurt... It sapped me of virtually any and all drive and enthusiasm. It faded momentarily when I first laid eyes on her, but it soon resurfaced. Almost... Almost as if the initial pleasant feelings that comes from seeing someone you deeply care about forced it back for a moment. "No... Not really."
Twilight reached out and caressed my lips with a piece of tissue paper. I suppose I still had a bit of something still on me from my breakfast. "I wish I knew what was wrong... The doctors and nurses are doing everything they can to find out what's happening. I'm sure they'll find the solution soon."
"Twi..." I spoke softly while she placed my food tray and its utensils back on the cart at the end of my bed. "I heard what Nurse Redheart told you and the others yesterday. I know I don't have long..."
Those words caused her to lose her magic grip on the piece of soft paper, dropping it to the floor. That look on her face... I could see that she was probably hoping that I did not know about my approaching fate. "You know...? I'm sorry... You weren't supposed to hear that..."
I was unsure of what to say. I felt that bitterness rising in me again. However, Twilight then reached out and placed her hoof upon my arm again. It was then that I felt the need to ask. "Twilight... What happened to me yesterday? Before I passed out..."
She sighed deeply. I was not expecting her to have the answer. Surprisingly, she did. "You are currently being monitored by the hospital's mainframe. Your vital signs are being constantly relayed to the nurses. According to them... At roughly the same time that all six of us came into the room... Your heart rate, blood pressure, adrenaline levels... Everything was skyrocketing in what seemed to be a response to extreme pain even though there was no actual damage being inflicted on you."
Through the memories that still haunted me, I remember that moment from the previous day. I felt fine when I saw Twilight. And I still felt at ease when I saw Rainbow Dash. But when I saw them... The four mares who betrayed me... "Yeah... That's pretty much all I felt... It's like... When I saw them, the memories... They just exploded in my head. I could feel my skin crawl... I felt something strike my head and chest... I heard voices yelling at me... Screaming and... It was just a vortex of negativity and pain... I couldn't hear anything aside from whatever was roaring in my head..."
Twilight seemed unnerved by what I told her. And at the same time, she seemed confused. I felt the need to ask. I had to know what happened from the view of someone else's eyes. "Twi... What did I do when they came in to see me? Everything is just a blur to me..."
She was clearly bothered by the memory since she hesitated momentarily. Her ears drooped while her eyes glanced elsewhere "I don't know what went wrong. Everything was fine when you were with me and Rainbow. But when they came in... You started quivering... You reached for your head. You didn't respond to anything that was said to you. I honestly thought that you were having a seizure by the point when you started foaming at the mouth. You threw a drink cup at them just before you collapsed. The sounds you were making... I honestly thought you were dying. The nurses rushed in right after that and made us leave while they tried to revive you. I think you just passed out from an adrenaline overdose or something, but it was still terrifying to watch... But you looked like you were in such terribly pain..."
I could not remember anything of what Twilight said. Anything I did remember was a blur. I turned my head, letting out a sigh while turning my gaze to the ceiling. "Twi... Be honest with me. How long do I have?"
Even though I was not looking at her, I still glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She turned her gaze towards the floor. "They said... Two weeks if you're lucky."
Why did I feel a slight twinge of excitement at that somewhere in my heart? Also as if I was looking forward to it... Even so... I just did not know what to feel. I felt so drained. So emotionally sapped that I hardly felt fazed by the grim news that had just been relayed to me. I was without words. However, I then turned to my left, my gaze falling upon the bouquet of flowers set in a vase. That reddish pink... I believe they were azaleas. While I had noticed it before, I had taken no interest in it. But I was feeling curious as to what was written in the tag that was attached to it. I tried reaching for it, but Twilight was quick to use the levitation spell to bring it to my hand. "There you go."
"Thanks..." I muttered quietly before fiddling with the tag to open it. Due to the size, I was not expecting much to be written in there at all. And I was right. But I still was caught by surprise by the contents. The writing was dainty neat. I recognized it after a moment. The card read 'We miss you, fellow Crusader. Best wishes from all of us. The CMC'. The tag was running out of room at the bottom, so I could see why the person who wrote it had to shorten the signature. Even so, I knew who wrote it out. The writing was Sweetie Belle's. And the flowers... Was there some symbolism behind them? Perhaps they remembered the information I bestowed on them about the language of flowers. Regardless, reading those words... I was reminded of those three darling fillies. And I could feel a tear building in my eye as I read the tag over again.
"James...? Are you OK?" Twilight asked, apparently having noticed that lone tear starting to flow down my cheek.
I am unsure of even where that tear came from. Through the storm of wretched memories came glimmers of happier ones. I truly missed those three fillies. "Twi... Have the Cutie Mark Crusaders stopped by while I was out?"
She looked like she was trying to smile. "I think so. They're the ones who gathered up those flowers, after all. From what I've heard, they really want to see you again, even if they didn't fully understand what a coma is. I know Scootaloo's been eager to visit you while you were still unconscious. Fluttershy's probably already told her that you're awake, so they'll probably stop by after school."
"I hope so..." I said quietly while placing the tag back on the cabinet by the vase. I could not believe how much I wanted to see the kids at that time. But that enthusiasm was soon drowned out by the memories once more. Almost as if they were...alive.
Twilight glanced away from me for a second before using her magic to open the blinds to the window right next to me. The sky was cloudy and dull, though not quite like there was a thunderstorm coming. It was just a gloomy day. And with autumn being not far off, my least favorite time of the year, the atmosphere was far uplifting. Strangely, it was what I preferred at that moment. A moment later, Twilight went about the room, seemingly tidying up whatever seemed out of place or crooked. It was then that she seemed to notice the journal entry sitting in the cardboard box next to my bed. Next to the stack of blank paper was my journal entry being held together by a paper clip. "You've been writing?"
"What else can I do while I'm stuck here...?" I replied dryly, the bitterness in my heart beginning to resurface at the thought of what I felt and saw the previous day. I truly did not want to drive Twilight away with my negativity, but... My mood and feelings were fluctuating so easily... Just what was wrong with me... I know the memories hurt, but... It is just so hard to not let them get to me, even when I am focusing on someone right in front of me.
She seemed to draw closer. Her hoof reached for the box, but stopped. I could see what she wanted to do. Twilight was likely curious of what my most recent journal contained. Possibly in the hopes of finding closure in my writings. I looked right at her, her face soon looking at me. "May I?"
I had nothing to hide. I saw no reason to keep her away from my recordings. "Sure."
Delicately, Twilight used her magic to lift the stack of paper from the box. I had turned it upside-down to keep anyone from casually glancing at the writing on the first page. The paper floated before Twilight while coated in her pink magic aura. She sat there at my bedside, reading them silently while occasionally flipping them behind the back of the final page to move to the next part. I said nothing to allow her to read in peace, knowing how much she loves her books and stories. I saw her constantly frown, but she would also smile warmly while lifting a hoof to her mouth as if she had just read an exceptionally warm and tender scene. At one point, she even let out a quiet snicker or chuckle. What did she read that made her laugh? Eventually, she did offer a little feedback. "This was such a nice dream you had..."
All I did was nod while she read on with a rather neutral expression. I suppose that is how everyone looks when they get really into a good story. Eventually, her expression began to darken. It became a rather sad frown. Her eyes began to quiver. I heard a sniffle come from Twilight. Tears had begun to stream down her face. She never once looked at me though. What part of my journal was she reading? Eventually, she lost her grip on the papers and let it fall to the floor. The tears were just cascading down her face while she turned to face me. She then asked as her voice began to break, "Is that what we really are to you...?"
It was then that I knew what she had read. And my response was a solemn nod. Twilight staggered to her feet before suddenly climbing partially onto my bed and tearfully holding me in a tender embrace. Her voice squeaked and quavered while she whispered right into my ear. "I'm so sorry... Please... Don't ever go away or change... I'm honored to be a part of your life... And you're a part of ours..."
I could feel her warm salty tears flowing down my bare shoulder. It was the single greatest show of weakness I had ever seen out of Twilight. What she just read... It must have touched her on a truly deep level. The scouring memories that hounded my mind regressed briefly at her touch. And for a moment, I felt at peace. I wrapped my left arm around her body, holding my dear friend close as I felt a tear or two building at the edges of my vision as well. I wanted to speak, but no words came. Although I did hear her speak once more. "I don't want to lose you... Not now... Please, don't go..."
She shuddered and gasped in sorrow. She was afraid. And so was I. As much as I wanted to tell her that I would not be going anywhere, I was not sure if I should. I was dying at the time, after all. Even so, I still did not want to let her go. My grip was tender, yet firm. I was glad that she was there.
Twilight did eventually release her grip on me, her tears having ceased for the moment. She pushed off my bed so that her hooves were back on the floor. She continued to speak to me while she used her magic to gather up my journal entry and straighten the papers out. "That dream you were having... It honestly sounded so real and beautiful. Simple, yet lovely. Did it really feel that real to you?"
"Yeah... I couldn't even have guessed that it was a dream. If you want, you can read a little further. Pinkie did something pretty funny right after that scene." I retorted quietly while motioning my hand towards the stack of papers being held together.
That seemed to pique her curiosity. Twilight then sat down and flipped through the pages until she had left off. A little bit later, she suddenly snickered while showing a slight grin. "Wooden puppets? Oh, wow... You know, I actually could see Pinkie Pie doing something like that."
It was a good thing I wrote that all down yesterday. It helped reinforce my memory. Twilight continued to read and laughed quietly again before muttering, "Oh, Pinkie... Rarity would hate to read this part."
Twilight was quiet for a while longer, but she soon started snickering again. "Oh, wow... That's one way to get the Elements out of him." A moment later, Twilight lowered the pages she had already flipped through back over the others. "If only things did turn out that simple..."
It was then that I felt the urge to ask. I could still remember everything I did to Discord. And they saw it all. "Twilight... Are you afraid of me?"
My friend sighed while lowering the journal pages back into the box beside the bed. "I won't lie... I kind of was. I think we all were. But at the same time... I guess I kind of knew that it wasn't really you who took Discord down. I wasn't going to let myself judge you until I could speak to you in person... And I'm so glad that you're still you."
I let out a sigh, unsure of what to say. The memories had returned to the forefront of my mind. It is just...so tiring. Although Twilight did continue to speak while she walked by me. "I'll be honest... I would've never wished what you did upon Discord, as much as I couldn't stand him... But when all is said and done... It's probably for the best. Discord's gone for good, James. We'll never have to worry about him again."
Despite hearing what was clearly praise, I did not feel happy with myself at all. How could I? Even if my rage towards him was justified... For that brief time, I was worse than he had ever been. Who was the true villain at that time?
After a moment more, Twilight seemed to take a look around the room. She did not seem to be looking at anything in particular. But she did soon turn to face me with a slight smile. "Hey... Would it be all right if I went to get something from my place? I think I have something that'll spice the room up, seeing as how you might be here for a while..."
I could see what she meant. She wanted to make me feel at home. To make my surroundings more homelike. I saw no harm with that and nodded. "Sure... I don't mind what you decide to bring."
"All right. I'll be back as soon as I can. Don't push yourself." Twilight said with a somber smile before trotting out the door. I was alone again.
Several minutes passed while I just stared out the window. A gloomy day... Strangely fitting for what was happening. However, I soon thought I heard heavy and swift footsteps. When I turned to my left to look at the door, I saw the window. Nurse Sweetheart and Snowheart pushing along a stretcher at almost running speed. And lying upon it with a respirator's mask over her mouth was...
I cringed at the sight, my head once more filled with a sharp pain. But with how briefly I caught sight of her, it did not last long. But I was still left baffled and concerned by what I had seen. "Fluttershy...?"
Why in the world was she, of all people, being admitted to the hospital? I did not have to wait long for someone else to walk by the window. Rainbow Dash stepped into view, coming to a stop in front of my window while looking noticeably worried. It seemed she wanted to follow the nurses, but knew there was nothing else she could do by that point.
My curiosity got the better of me. I tried weakly waving at her with my left hand. And it worked. Rainbow glanced in my direction before looking directly at me. She then promptly opened the door and stepped inside while looking a bit happier than before as she trotted towards me. "Hey there, big guy... How're you holding up?"
I responded with a question of my own. "Why was Fluttershy on that stretcher just now? What happened to her?"
That was a clear blow to her mood. Her ears drooped while she looked noticeably jarred by something. Rainbow Dash looked away from me for a second, almost as if she was unsure if she should tell me something. But she did. "She tried to drown herself in the pond at the park... If I hadn't been flying by when she went under..."
"She... You're serious?" I asked with a sense of alarm coming over me, the memories that haunted me once more regressing. While still fearful of Fluttershy, I could not help being worried about her. "Are you sure she didn't just have some trouble swimming?"
Rainbow was still just as distraught as before, looking at me with uneasy eyes. "She had a big rock tied to her hoof, James. She tried to kill herself. It's still sitting at the bottom of the pond right now. She was still conscious when I got her out, but I called the hospital anyway just to be safe."
"But...why?" As emotionally fragile as Fluttershy has always been, she also has a fairly strong will. Suicide sounds like something she would never be able to bring herself to do. Was there a motive? "Did she say anything to you?"
"Why...?" Rainbow Dash said softly before falling momentarily silent. She seemed to be going through some inner debate. Almost like there was something she knew that she was unsure she should tell me.
"Rainbow... You can tell me." I said weakly, still feeling quite drained. The moment had become tense. Very tense. I could almost feel my skin crawl with anticipation.
"I know I can. But..." Rainbow said with a sigh before looking right at me with her ears still drooping. She looked very distraught indeed. "James... I really shouldn't be the one telling you this. But seeing as how it looks like Fluttershy can't get anywhere near you without you having a seizure..."
She looked around briefly while apparently checking to make certain no one was within earshot. Rainbow Dash then let out a sigh before speaking something to me that I never expected to hear. "James... You're gonna be a dad."
At first, I had no idea how to comprehend what it was that I had just heard. Eventually, I asked, "I'm... What?"
This time, he was a bit more direct. "I mean... Fluttershy's pregnant. She told me when I got her outta the pond. And before you ask who the father is..." She then rested her hoof on my arm without looking away from me. "It's yours."
My mind was filled with a haze. Even as the memories began to rise up again, I was left utterly stunned. No words came. I laid my head back down on my pillow with my gaze directed at the ceiling. Fluttershy is with child? And it is mine? She did go into heat a few days before that mess with Discord happened. But... Are we truly compatible? Although I did feel the need to ask. "That's why she... What about the foal?"
Rainbow Dash let out a sigh. "She said because she couldn't live with herself knowing that the daddy of her kid was going to die because of her. But I managed to talk her out of it by reminding her that you're not dead yet. And that... She shouldn't take her baby down with her. I don't think she's gonna be in the hospital overnight though. I got her outta the pond pretty fast."
"All right..." I said quietly while just trying to think. Fluttershy...carrying my child? Was I ready to be a father? Would I even live long enough to see our child's birth? What would our child even look... My thoughts went back to that wonderful dream I was experiencing. Gladesong? Would our child look just like her? "Rainbow... How long until it comes?"
She did not seem too surprised that I would ask such a question. "It's gonna be a while. We mares take about eleven months to give birth. Plenty of time to think things over, huh?"
Eleven months... Almost a year. But even so... I replied while still keeping my gaze directed at the ceiling. "Assuming I live that long..."
I know those words were bitter. And it was painful for Rainbow to hear them. Even so, I noticed her come a little closer out of the corner of my eye. "James... Do you still love her?"
Those words circulated in my head a few times. And I decided to answer as honestly as I could. "I... I really just don't know, Rainbow..."
She let out a long sigh before idly rubbing her hoof along the length of my arm. "James... I'll be honest. If Fluttershy loses you now, it's gonna kill her. I've known her a lot longer than anypony else has. She's always been shy, but pretty lonely too. She's always been hoping to find a sweet guy who would always love her no matter what and... I'll admit it. She needs you more than I do. So... You'll stay with her once everything gets better, right?"
I was unsure of what to think. Even though I had not heard that before, it was far from surprising. "You do know that this isn't the first time a woman has betrayed me, right?"
"I... Well, I think Rarity told me something like that once. Her name was Christina, right?" Rainbow Dash replied, apparently having been told by Rarity of what I had told her about my first girlfriend, although I cannot recall when I ever revealed her name.
Even so, I still had not told her the full story. With my voice stuck in a dull monotone, I began to speak while directing my gaze at nothing in particular. "Well, I guess you know about how that relationship ended. But it's what I found later that hurt me most. I found out that I had essentially been used. From what I discovered, she had been cheating on me with two other guys for close to a year before the breakup occurred, one of which was a friend of mine at one time."
Rainbow's expression instantly darkened to one of concern and also noticeable disgust. "So... A typical psycho slut, huh?"
"That about sums it up... She was emotionally unstable. I lost count of how many times she acted suicidal whenever we spoke. We at times let each other borrow some things to enjoy. But after the breakup, she never returned what I let her borrow. I was basically robbed." I continued on while not feeling much of anything.
My friend merely nodded at me to show that she understood what I was saying. I then continued to speak. "And finally, when I wrote something out for closure to express my frustration with her actions, she went so far as to spread lies about me, such as that I stalked her mother, who is a woman twice my age. And worst of all, she claimed I raped her to send idiotic vigilantes of sorts with no common sense after me to ruin my reputation, even going so far to hack my e-mails and send messages to my own family claiming that I am homosexual. At one point, they even used it to insult my newborn nephew. The only good thing is that my family knew me better than they took them for. The constant harassment did not end until four months later. And she probably still denies any wrongdoing to this day."
Rainbow Dash's expression showed a silent rage building in those vibrant rose-colored eyes. "I don't really get the whole hacking e-mails thing, but... Well, she's lucky I can't get to her world. If I ever meet this whore, I'll pile drive her into the pavement. I mean, seriously. Rape? Did they ever check her body to see if you had really boned her once? I mean this Christina whore sounds like a total scumbag, but the guys who actually believed her without checking the facts first? Brainless, plain and simple. And her... No honor at all. I bet she doesn't even have a heart or care about her friends at all. And that's assuming anyone's dumb enough to get close to her."
I said nothing, though I felt somewhat relieved to know Rainbow Dash had my back. She then stepped forward and then draped her wing over my arm while being mindful of the IV tube. "You deserve better than that, James... I've known you for a while now, and I know you're not the kinda guy who would do that to a girl. You actually care about your partner and you respect women. You're too sweet a guy to ever hurt a girl like that... You just don't have it in you."
"At least somepony understands me..." I replied quietly. "In the end though, I felt glad to be rid of her. She's just...a total sociopath. It's a relationship I can look back on and laugh at in hindsight. I might've lost some things, but I became wiser in the process and knew I am a better person than she is. But... With Fluttershy..."
Rainbow Dash's sweet compassionate expression darkened into a more somber one. "Right... You'll give her another chance, right?"
I tilted my head back somewhat. The memories were still strong. I could remember her actions. Her words... "Rainbow... She dumped me on the spot because I am not someone who enjoys pain. Even if that wasn't really her... It was still her in person... And after being betrayed once by someone who I genuinely loved... Someone who tried to ruin me while playing the victim... I don't know if I can risk that again..."
My friend's ears drooped once more while her eyes lowered. "I... I get it... I think the saying goes like your heart says yes, but your mind says no. I mean, you've already been hurt the same way once. So a second time would... I understand, James... I don't think I'd be able to trust somepony the same way if I was put through the same thing too..."
I merely nodded. Somewhere inside me, I truly wanted to get back together with Fluttershy and forget this all ever happened. At the same time though... She dumped me and kicked me squarely in the head. She demanded that I slit my neck with my own sword. She wanted to see me in pain. She wanted to see me bleed. As much as I want to forget, I simply cannot. I am going to keep my distance...
Rainbow Dash began to climb onto my bed and effectively straddled me with her head resting on my chest. Her eyes were looking right at me. "Well... James... I don't want to see you and Fluttershy drift apart. I really mean that. But if... And this is just one big if, all right? If that does happen... I'll always be there for you."
Her hoof tenderly stroked my face as a single tear flowed down her cheek. "I love you, big guy... And I always will. If thing's don't work out in the end, you'll still have me. I'll be your mare and I'll never leave you. All right?"
Despite our differences, a part of me liked the sound of that. Rainbow Dash and I have very little in common. She is brash, loud, and confident while I am largely the opposite. And yet, I do adore her. And I could never forget what happened this year on Hearts and Hooves Day. Having her as a lover... It would likely be very fulfilling. Even so, my heart was feeling too heavy for me to fully comprehend the weight of her words. She meant every single word of what she said, but I was too emotionally drained to fully care at that time. "I'll keep that in mind."
"Good... But only if things with you and Fluttershy don't work out. Just... Don't give up yet, all right? Just because she can't get anywhere near you doesn't mean she's given up." Rainbow Dash added while she tried to smile at me. But at that moment, I heard the door to the room open. And standing in the doorway was Twilight Sparkle.
"Huh? Oh... Am I interrupting anything, you two?" Our friend asked while there seemed to be something behind her.
Rainbow Dash seemed to instantly blush as she found herself in a rather compromising position while resting atop me. She flapped her wings to propel herself off me while I tried to not crack a smile at her reaction. "Uh... Nope! What's up, Twilight?"
"I was just bringing something over to help give the place a splash of color. I mean... James might be here for a while, so it'd be nice to make him feel more at home, you know?" Twilight explained while she walked in. Floating behind her while it and her horn were coated by wavering pink magic auras was a potted planted. It seemed to consist of light blue flowers of similar appearance to a daisy. Definitely a type of aster flower. It seemed a bit familiar too.
Twilight levitated the potted flowers over me and set them in the corner just to my right. Being that close to the window meant it would receive a decent amount of sunlight. "There we go. That's just the right amount of sun exposure over there. And you'll be able to smell it more easily too."
"Thanks, Twi..." I muttered quietly while looking at the flowers beside me. It was a nice little touch to the room.
Rainbow Dash seemed to take note of Twilight's little housewarming gift. She seemed to be looking at the flower while rubbing the top of her head with her hoof. Suddenly, she smiled brightly. "Ooh! I know what I can add! I'll be right back!" She then rushed out the door and was gone.
"You think she's gonna bring something from her house?" I asked, having no real idea of where Rainbow Dash even lives.
Twilight just shrugged her shoulders at me. "I honestly have no idea what she would even bring. I've never even set foot inside her place."
We barely had time to converse at all before Rainbow Dash came trotting back into the room. Only it seemed she brought a passenger of sorts along for the ride. A cloud that was roughly her size was being pushed in with her head. "OK, just give me a minute to get this bad boy straightened out."
Twilight and I watched while she pulled and stretched and bent the cloud, thinning it out. How strange it must have been to have a cloud indoors that was not a veil of mist. Eventually, it started to take on a shape that I recognized. Twilight made the first guess. "The frame of a wheel?"
"Nope!" Rainbow barked before lifting the cloud to the ceiling and just leaving it there. It had become a very narrow cylinder that led down to a disc that had four long and broad extensions reaching out to the sides. Once it was in place, Rainbow Dash gave one of the flat parts a light smack that sent the disc and everything attached to it into a spin. It seemed that she had just installed a ceiling fan. All made out of clouds. Despite having no physical mass, I did feel a gentle breeze blowing upon me. "That's my little contribution. Pretty nice, right?"
That actually got a smile out of me. Not much of a smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Yeah... It is. Thanks."
Rainbow Dash seemed pretty proud of her work judging by how she hovered up there with her arms crossed. I suppose the lack of mass was what was keeping the fan from slowing down. And the fact that it was made out of clouds did bring her to mind. However, Twilight then asked, "Why didn't you bring something from your own home?"
Our bold and brazen friend looked down at Twilight and rolled her eyes with a smirk spread across her face. "Because my whole house is made outta clouds. What's the difference?" That actually got a bit of a chuckle out of me.
Twilight seemed to take note of my reaction to Rainbow's words. "You sound like you've perked up, James. Are you already feeling better?"
It was strange. Despite the scarring memories still constantly replaying themselves in my mind, I felt at ease around the two mares. I even smiled a little. "I guess... Maybe you girls are helping me heal just by being here."
Rainbow Dash lowered herself back to the floor and folded her wings while giving me a subdued smile. "I guess that's the magic of friendship, huh? Maybe it's hard to stay depressed whenever you're with good friends... Huh?"
Just then, the door to the room opened again. And in walked in one of the doctors. A unicorn stallion with a pair of spectacles on his snout and a caramel-colored coat and light brown mane, I never did get his name. But he seemed to recognize my friends. "Oh, good morning, Miss Sparkle and Miss Dash. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"Nah, it's cool. What's up, doc?" Rainbow replied while letting the doctor pass.
"I was just going to replace his bandages. We're trying to get that burn healed up as quickly as possible." The doctor explained while moving around to the right side of my bed. My right arm from the elbow down was still tightly wrapped to the point of almost being in a cast. "How're you feeling today, James? Does it hurt when you try to move your arm?"
"Yeah, but it's just a dull pain right now." I replied while testing my fingers. The pain seemed to spring up whenever my skin bended or shifted in any way.
The doctor then used his levitation magic to bring a pair of medical scissor up and began to snip off my bandages. "That's completely normal. Your burns were second degree, but came very close to being third degree. It would've gotten more complicated if it crossed that threshold."
Having a small amount of knowledge of burn damage, I expected my arm to be covered in broken or intact blisters. Either way, I was unsure I wanted to see what my arm looked like, so I turned my head to the left and gazed at my two friends. They too seemed rather uneasy about the burn. Twilight then asked, "Well... How is he looking, doctor?"
Once I felt my skin being exposed to the faint breeze of the makeshift ceiling fan in the room, I assumed that the bandages were entirely off. The doctor sounded pleased with what he was seeing. "I have to say he's looking very good. The new skin is growing in under the damaged skin quite nicely. I'd say that it'll be ready to peel off in just a couple more days."
I then felt a cool wet feeling beginning to cover my arm. It seemed that the doctor was wrapping it in new bandages that had been wetted down with some type of ointment. He even made sure that the spaces between my fingers were coming in contact with it. Even so, I was baffled that a burn, which are infamous for taking extensive amounts of time to heal, could be getting this close to being healed in less than a month. "Are you sure it'll be all healed that soon?"
The doctor did not sound surprised by my puzzlement. He then answered me while continuing to make certain my new bandages were being properly applied. "Why, yes. There have been some recent advances in treating burns. The trick was to develop a means to speed up the development of new skin to replace the damaged and destroyed tissue. When this is all over, your old burned skin will just peel off like a giant sleeve of dead skin. Basically just one giant blister."
As disgusting as that sounded, I had an idea of what he meant. I at one timed overworked my hands to the point of developing a layer of tiny blisters along my entire palm and undersides of my fingers. But after just two weeks, my old skin peeled away and left my palms covered in perfectly soft and supple new skin. If anything, my arm is going to look better than ever when all is said and done.
"There we go. Just try to not move it and just let the ointment be absorbed into your skin." The doctor explained as I felt him finish tightening the bandages around my arm. The ointment felt rather soothing against my sensitive skin. But then the doctor came over to my left side. I felt rather uneasy when he seemed to be eyeing the IV tube that was connected to the vein near my elbow joint. "I think we can go ahead and remove this now. Since you are conscious and consuming nutrients now, I see no need to keep this in you."
Twilight and Rainbow turned away from me as the doctor grasped the needle that lay under my skin. I sighed and just looked away, not wanting to see it. A sudden sharp made me grunt, though I then felt a soft wad of cotton being applied to the spot followed by a band aid or some other tiny bandage holding it in place. As someone who has long hated needles, I was not happy with the fact that they had to use some on me, but I did understand that it was necessary.
While the doctor began to roll the IV drip stand towards the door, Rainbow Dash then stepped forward to make him stop. "Hey, doc... You have any updates on Fluttershy?"
This seemed to catch Twilight by surprise, if that startled expression served as any indication. However, the doctor spoke before she could. "From what I understand, she seems to be fine. She suffered no oxygen deprivation and seems perfectly healthy. She'll likely be released in a couple of hours."
Twilight then spoke up while taking a step forward. "Wait a minute... Fluttershy? What's she doing here? She was just fine yesterday."
The doctor seemed like he was ready to explain something to her, but Rainbow Dash quickly motioned for him to leave instead. He seemed to understand and left with the IV stand behind him. Rainbow then seemed to whisper something into her ear, prompting a look of horror on Twilight's face. "What?! Why?!"
Rainbow then whispered something else to her, causing Twilight's look of horror to become one of silent shock. She glanced over at me, a clear sign that she had likely been told about Fluttershy's unexpected pregnancy. I still can hardly believe it myself. She then asked, "Well... Which room is she in?"
A second later Rainbow Dash whispered the answer t her, Twilight used her magic to open the room's door while looking at me. "I... I need to go see Fluttershy right now. James, Rainbow Dash will stay here with you. I'll be right back." With that, she left the room and galloped past the window to the right.
With no one else there to speak to, Rainbow Dash slowly walked over to me. "I still can't believe it either... How're the other girls gonna handle the news?"
I did not say anything. What could I say? All I did was look away and out the window. Besides, at the rate things were going... Would I even live long enough to see the birth of our child? Would it be a cute little colt? Or a...
My thoughts went back to Gladesong. Such a darling filly... But my thoughts did not last long. The memories in my mind were still festering. But suddenly... As I was trying to focus on the memory of little Gladesong... The face. And those words. They suddenly screamed out in my head much louder than before. "I'm said I'm done with you, idiot!"
I felt my head throb. And the memory of Gladesong instantly sank into the depths of my memory. Almost as if that wretched memory was bullying me into not thinking of something more pleasant, if that is even possible. Rainbow Dash seemed to notice my discomfort and came closer. "Hey... You OK, big guy?"
With the fact that I had been bedridden for some time, I was still lacking in energy. And with those memories constantly tormenting me... I was desperate for some relief. Even if they would only come in the form of a brief escape into the dream realm. "Uh... Rainbow, would you mind leaving me alone for a while? I'm gonna try to take a nap for a little while."
She seemed to have no problem with that. Rainbow Dash nodded with a small smile. "OK... I'll let Twilight know to leave you alone for a few hours. Sweet dreams, big guy. And have some fun in there."
Rainbow proceeded to trot out of the room. Although when she passed by the window to the right, she looked in my direction with a sad, yet hopeful smile. I waved at her just before she left my sight. Hoping to sleep off the memories, I closed my eyes and pulled some of the sheets up to the side of my head to discourage the likelihood of it tilting to the right and to help me feel more covered and secure. With only the sound of my heart monitor breaking the silence, I slowly drifted off to sleep.
I am unsure how long I was asleep. It must have been for a few hours at least. I am not even sure what I dreamed of. But I did start to awaken to the sound of children chatting. The voices sounded familiar, but I could not quite put my finger on it. Finally, I opened my eyes. My gaze was turned towards the ceiling and I was still feeling quite groggy. I would have liked to go back to sleep, but the presence of someone being in the room with me made it impossible. When I turned my head to the left, I saw three very familiar fillies lying on the floor in a circle with notebooks and pencils in front of them along with a textbook or two. Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo. It seemed that they were doing homework.
They were all quite engrossed with whatever they were doing since they barely said anything. However, with Sweetie Belle being the only one actually facing me, it did not take long before her big green eyes glanced upward. And immediately after that, she lifted her head to look right at me in a look of surprise. But that gaze of shock became an excited smile before she glanced back and forth at her fellow Crusaders. "Scoot! Apple Bloom! He's awake!"
The two other fillies instantly looked in my direction, excited and relieved smiles quickly adorning their faces. "Finally!" Scootaloo called out while the three of them stood up and trotted to my bedside.
I was feeling quite happy to be seeing those girls again. I have always been fond of them, even though their antics in searching for their talents does land them in a bit of trouble now and then. Due to the top of my mattress being aligned with an adult pony's shoulders, the three Crusaders had to prop themselves up on their hind legs while resting their forelegs on the bed to bring their faces to my elevation. Not that they minded. Apple Bloom then smiled at me, but also looked somewhat worried. "We heard ya might never wake up. Y'all feelin' all right? Applejack was lookin' really down last night and she wouldn't say why."
So, Applejack could not bring herself to say the truth to her own sister. And in all fairness, I could not either. What was I going to say to them? That I have only two weeks to live at most if the doctors could not find out what was gradually weakening my vital signs? Even so, I could not help smiling at the innocent little faces of my youngest friends and little adopted sister. "Hey, girls. What's been happening?"
Scootaloo then scooted a little to her right and reached out to nuzzle my face. "Well, we've been pretty worried. It was kinda creepy whenever we visited since you wouldn't wake up no matter what we did or said. What kind of sleeping disease is a coma anyway?"
I was not surprised at all that they could not comprehend exactly what a coma even is. But then again, how does one explain what a coma exactly is? I reached out with my left hand and gently rubbed Scootaloo's head while managing to smile a little. "It's not a disease, Scoot. It's... Well... I'm not sure how to describe it. But it's not caused by any viral strains or the like."
"Phew! So that means we can't catch it? That's good... Just imagine all the homework we'd be stuck with if we fell asleep for two weeks!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed, prompting a chuckle from her friends. But then the little unicorn filly hopped up onto my bed and then nuzzled her head against my chest. "We really missed you... It was...kind of scary when you wouldn't wake up..."
I felt genuinely touched that these kids were so deeply concerned for me. Even though I have not been terribly active in their activities to acquire their cutie marks, I still always adored them. My finger gently traced the edges of Sweetie Belle's ear. "Sorry that I worried you... I missed you girls too."
Sweetie Belle quietly giggled at my touch, almost like she was trying to take a nap on me. Meanwhile, Scootaloo glanced at Apple Bloom. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Sure am!" Apple Bloom replied cheerfully before she and my sister bounded up onto the bed with Apple Bloom on my left and Scootaloo on my right. Sweetie Belle seemed to know what was going on too since she quickly stood up on my chest. "Group hug, girls!"
The three fillies then basically charged me and threw their arms around my neck from different angles. It was sickeningly cute, especially the way they giggled in excitement. And I... I do not know where it came from, but I felt myself shudder as tears built in my eyes. I did all I could to hold them back. The girls had already worried about me enough. They did not need something else to trouble them. In response to their group embrace, I draped my left arm across their shoulders.
For the moment, they did not say anything. The three fillies just cuddled and nuzzled their heads against me. Although after a little while, the sound of the door creaking open got our attention. And of all ponies... It was the only other member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "Huh? Oh, hi. Are you girls keeping James company?"
It was Mitta. Another friend I had all but forgotten. The three fillies all looked to their right and smiled at the gray and crimson mare as she walked towards us. Apple Bloom then waved at our friend cheerfully. "Howdy, Mitta! James just woke up and he's all right!"
All right, huh? Well... To be fair, I was feeling slightly better at that moment. Although whether or not I would still be all right in a few days was a question we could not answer. Scootaloo then spoke up while glancing at all of us, "Wow, when was the last time all of the Cutie Mark Crusaders were together like this?"
"Yeah, sorry... I'm not a kid, so I have other things to deal with besides just hanging out with you girls." I replied, knowing that I just do not visit the clubhouse all that often. Perhaps I should just stop by in the evening sometime after I get out of the hospital. Or rather...IF I ever get out.
Sweetie Belle did not seem to mind at all, even going so far as to smile and nuzzle my cheek while speaking in her sweet high-pitched voice. "It's OK. We know grownups have lots of other stuff to do besides playing. And you already have your cutie mark, right?"
"Yep! And it's right there!" Scootaloo added while pointing to my upper arm. Since I was entirely topless, my arms were exposed. And right there below the shoulders were my cutie marks. The same artistic twin white dove forms creating the shape of a heart between them with wings spread. I had all but forgotten that they were even there. Although I was beginning to wonder if they were accurate considering what I had done...
Mitta then stepped closer, her crimson eyes gazing right at me while a rather solemn expression spread across her face. Did she know? "How are you feeling, James? How long has it been? Ten days? Maybe more?"
"I only just woke up yesterday, Mitta. So... Yeah. Eleven days." I replied while still feeling rather drained. I wanted to reach out and embrace her, but... Just... Why? Why were the memories resurfacing? Why could they just not leave me alone?
Finally, Apple Bloom brought up the one question I was hoping would not be asked. At least not by them. "Hey, uh... Come ta think of it... What happened that got ya stuck in a coma anyway? Applejack said y'all had ta go to Canterlot, but... What happened?"
All eyes fell upon me. And yet, I knew better than to tell them. They are simply too young and innocent to know what happened that day. In fact, I would say that no one in Equestria should ever know what happened that day. And so I tried to dismiss the question the best I could. "I... I really don't want to talk about it."
If I was in better shape, I would not be surprised if the girls would try to pester me into telling them something. But not this time. Considering my condition, they could likely tell that I really was in no shape to be stressing myself over anything. Their ears drooped while they all frowned at each other. Scootaloo then nodded at me and said, "That's OK... It must've been real bad, but... I guess I kinda get why you don't wanna think about it."
"Thanks, girls." I muttered briefly, relieved I would not have to think any harder about that day than I already was being forced to.
However, Scootaloo then brought up a question I was not expecting. "But... When are you coming home? It's lonely when you're not there at night. Angela's really missing you too."
This time, I was forced to lie. They needed to know the truth, and yet... I could not tell them. "I'm not sure. Maybe in a week? The doctor said it's pretty unclear right now..."
I tried to change the subject, my eyes glancing around the room for something to draw attention to. And I found it. The vase of flowers that they had placed on the cabinet next to my bed. Although... After looking at it just now, I think its design is actually closer to a wooden nightstand complete with a couple of drawers. Regardless, I pointed at the vase. "Did you girls get these?"
That got them to smile. Apple Bloom nodded and extended her hoof towards it. "Sure did! We wanted ta get ya somethin' to wish ya well, so we started lookin' up the meanin' of all sorts of flowers. Ya know, that stuff ya taught us a lil' while ago? And we thought azaleas would be just right."
Sweetie Belle then explained, "They mean... Uh... What did that book say...? Um... Oh, right. One of their meanings is to wish somepony well...I think."
Scootaloo then spoke up while looking a bit nervous judging by that awkward grin. "Just don't go trying to have them as a snack. Trust me, those things are really poisonous. But everypony knows that pretty much."
"Wouldn't even dream of it." I replied dryly, knowing better than to take a bite out of a plant I know next to nothing about.
At that point, Mitta stepped forward while the Cute Mark Crusaders stepped back. I suspect they knew she wanted some time with me since they then went back to doing their homework. Mitta smiled solemnly at me and whispered, "I was worried about you when Rarity came home yesterday. She couldn't stop crying... How do you feel?"
I sighed while setting my head back down on the pillow under me. "Lousy... Actually... I don't even know what I feel right now... My mind is just a mess."
Mitta then reached out and tried to embrace me, a gesture of affection I was all too willing to receive. "I heard about what happened... Just... Why? I never even heard of Discord, but... How could he do that to you? I can't even imagine you doing what you did." She was careful to keep her voice as a mere whisper so as to not draw the attention of the children sitting in the corner of the room.
I could barely even focus enough to remember everything through the miasma that clouded my every thought. "I don't know... I just... Calling it a mess would be an understatement..."
Mitta stayed with me for a good while and the Cutie Mark Crusaders did not budge from their spot in the room. Our conversations did not cover a whole lot of interesting topics, but I relished being able to partially distract myself with the presence of a good friend. It almost started to feel like they were trying to stall for time so they could stay with me as long as they could before they had to go home. I pray Scootaloo does not ever find out about Fluttershy's suicide attempt. After a while, Mitta did have to depart to run some errands for Rarity. I was even beginning to wonder what was keeping Twilight. Surely she would be back soon.
Sometime into the afternoon, I heard a knock at the door. It also seemed to get the attention of my three little friends since they all looked away from their books. However, no one came in. Instead, a small piece of paper was slid under the door. And right after that... With how close the door was to the window... That brief flash of pink hair... Was that Fluttershy?
"Mail call!" Sweetie Belle said while she trotted over to the paper and pick it up in her mouth. I suppose she was just trying to stay cheerful to try to keep my mood up. She certainly was cute with how she carried it over to me. "I think it's for you, James."
I managed to give her a tired smile while I gently petted her on the head before taking the paper in hand. It seemed to be a type of 'get well' card. "Thanks, Sweetie."
While Sweetie Belle went back over to her friends, I propped myself up to a bit more of a sitting position. A part of me was dreading that it was indeed from Fluttershy. As fearful as I was of her after what she did, another part of me wanted closure. And it is generally much easier and more effective to get your thoughts and feelings out by writing them down. With some hesitation, I flipped the card open to read its contents.
"Dear James... I am..." I muttered to myself as I began to read the first line. However, that was as far as I got. I felt my head throb as the ink... It began to ooze down the paper. At the bottom of each line of text, it became a line of rippling black fluid. But soon, that fluid became red. The red ink then began to creep back up to reapply itself, essentially rewriting the message. But instead of a thought out sentence, each line began to repeat the exact same word over and over in capital letters.
DIE
One after the other. The same word over and over in crimson ink. At the same time, my ears began to be filled with noise. Just an incomprehensible racket that partially drowned out everything around me. But I could hear one thing clearly. The heart monitor that was hooked up to me began to beep rapidly while also letting out extended prolonged beeps that shifted in pitch as if it was malfunctioning. This clearly got the attention of the Cutie Mark Crusaders since they suddenly ran to my side as I could see out of the corner of my vision.
Why... What twisted sorcery was this, if sorcery at all? As that one haunting command was written over and over, line after line, I felt a new agonizing pain fill me. One by one, several of the letters extended out of the paper and pushed right into my torso. But it did not feel like I was being prodded with blunt poles. The tips of these strange extensions felt as if they had been sharpened to a razor's edge. They pierced me, the feeling of a fluid thicker than water oozing down my skin as searing pain filled me. And yet, I could not make a sound. I could not let go of the note in front of me. And I could not look away. But most strangely of all, the three fillies beside me, while clearly distraught and shaking me, did not seem to be showing the proper reaction to seeing a friend of theirs being skewered. They were clearly worried, but not as horrified as they should have been.
The list of crimson words reached all the way to the bottom of the paper. I could even hear her voice in my head. Commanding my life to end. Filled with such spite and malice, just as I remembered. However, I soon felt the many crimson spears withdraw from me and back into the paper, though my wounds continued to spill my blood. My body continued to betray me, unable to move or look away. A sense of relief began to fill me as I began to think I would soon be freed of this nightmarish torment. The crimson letters once more melted down the length of the paper, leaving it blank while it pooled at the bottom without dripping off.
However, mere seconds later, the ink suddenly and alarmingly quickly rose back up over the paper, spelling out a single word that spanned its entire length. DIE.
That was the last thing I recall seeing before everything went black. I am unsure when I awoke, but the room was darker than before. And most puzzling was the fact that the puncture wounds I had suffered were nowhere to be seen. Just... What in the world happened? Had I been poisoned with some sort of hallucinogenic drug? Those wounds felt so real... I could feel my blood spilling. I felt the pain... My god, the pain...
It took me a moment, but I soon noticed the faint touch of a light breeze upon my cheek. A moment of focusing my eyes revealed to me that the ceiling fan made out of clouds was still in the center of the room on the ceiling where Rainbow Dash had left it. And a bit more gazing around the room revealed that it was being softly illuminated by a lamp on the nightstand next to me. "That wasn't there before..."
My voice got the attention of someone in the room. And it was pretty much just the person I was hoping to see. She trotted my way from a stool in the far corner of the room. "Oh, thank goodness... Are you OK, James?"
Twilight Sparkle. I wonder how long she had been waiting there for me to wake up. I was about to reply to her, but I then noticed something being held in her magical grasp. A flat rectangular slip of paper folded in half down the middle. And those flowery patterns on one side...
I knew what was in that card. And I was terrified of having to go through that experience again. I tried to push myself further away from that side of the bed, but could not get far with my bandaged arm. "Twilight... No, I don't want to see that card. Please..."
She could clearly see how fearful I was and stopped in her tracks. "James, what's wrong? I normally don't see you get this antsy unless there's a wasp in the room..." She then happened to glance at the card that was floating next to her head. She then gave me a small smile and added, "Wait... This? I hope you don't mind that I read it. Fluttershy sent this, right? It's very sweet. I think you'll like to..."
"No, please! Keep it away from me!" I practically yelled as I saw it starting to open while facing my direction. I held up my hand to block my view of its contents. One time through that experience was enough for me.
Twilight stopped in her tracks and pulled the card back. It seemed like she wanted to ask me something, but seemed to choose not to as I kept my hand partially raised. With myself relaxing just a bit, I decided to try to break the ice and get my mind off of the contents of that horrible piece of stationery. "Twi... What happened? Did you see anything?"
She seemed to hesitate before speaking while placing the card in the top drawer of the nightstand to my left before closing it. "I had only just come back to the hospital when I saw a couple of nurses rushing down the hall. I followed them and... The girls were panicking. Scootaloo was in tears and... You looked like you had passed out. And that card was in your hand. The nurses made us leave the room, but they came out a few minutes later. It looked like you had merely fainted from something, but they couldn't find a real cause. They said that your vital signs were showing extreme stress levels at the time you likely fainted. But... Well, you're at least no worse than you were last night."
Starting to feel somewhat paranoid, I glanced at my chest. Still no signs of any wounds. Not even a scar. "Twi... Did they happen to check my blood for any poison?"
"Poison? Why would... Well, yes... They did draw some blood while you were unconscious. They didn't find anything foreign in you. No poisons or anything like that. Why?" She replied while sounding and looking slightly alarmed.
"Just worried..." I said softly while trying to relax. I did not want to make her worry any more than she was already. I then tried to draw attention to the lamp that was beside me. It looked familiar, being made of porcelain with a white and gold finished with a domed shade. Shimmering diamonds or crystals hung from the bottom edges as tassels, causing the light to cast some entertaining shadows around the room. "Hey... Where'd this come from? I think I've seen it somewhere before."
The mention of the lamp seemed to calm Twilight down a bit. "Well, it should. It's from Rarity's house. I stopped by to check on her today and brought up that Rainbow and I added some things from our places to add some color and flair to your room here to make your stay more...pleasant. So she decided to donate that lamp. You like it?"
It certainly was generous of her to let me borrow such a nice lamp. I reached up into the shade and flipped the lamp off for a second with a tiny brass flip switch before turning it back on. The sudden change in lighting left me seeing spots for a few seconds. "I do. Thank you."
Twilight smiled with a sigh. However, I then felt the need to ask. I turned to her and spoke, "Hey... About Scootaloo. Do you think she knows about... You know. The foal?"
Her ears drooped instantly. "No... Fluttershy requested that Rainbow Dash and I keep her pregnancy a secret for now. We don't need the situation complicated further... But... What about you? I mean... You're the father, after all..."
I turned my head back and looked at the ceiling. With all the chaos going on in my own head, I have not been able to consciously think about that subject much at all today. "I just don't know, Twilight... I can barely even think about that. Besides... It's not like I'm going to live to see it at this rate."
She came closer to me and gently rested her hoof upon my arm. "Don't say that... You're not dead yet. The nurses are still doing everything they can. They'll find a way."
"Well... How are the readings today? Any improvements?" I asked in return, wondering if my physical condition had started to improve.
Twilight paused for a moment before solemnly shaking her head. "No... If anything, your signs have become marginally weaker over the course of today. And there's still no sign of a cause. It doesn't even match any known illness they know of. It's...frustrating."
"OK..." I muttered disinterestedly, my head turning away. I was not really expecting a pleasant answer.
"James... Just... Don't give up, all right? Because we haven't. I don't want to lose you... Not now..." I heard Twilight whisper to me. And then... The feel of her lips upon my cheek. "I love you... Don't ever forget that, all right?"
I managed to crack a smile. It felt good knowing I still had her. Slowly, I lifted my hand to her cheek and tenderly caressed her face, prompting an almost tearful smile from her. "I won't... Thanks for being here, Twilight."
"Its always a pleasure..." She whispered in return. However, she then glanced at what seemed to be a clock on the far wall. 8:30 PM. "Well... I don't want to be the bearer of any bad news, but I need to be going. I'll be back in the morning, all right?"
"Really? You can't stay?" I asked, feeling disappointed that Twilight already had to leave so soon after I had awakened. After what I just went through... I was feeling more than a little uneasy knowing that a letter that may have been cursed by the devil himself for all I know was in a wooden drawer right next to me. I was really craving a bit of company from someone I trust.
Twilight did not seem happy about it either. "I'm sorry... Visiting hours end at 8 PM and overnight stays aren't permitted. I was lucky they allowed me to stay this late just to check on you if you woke up..." However, she then smiled a little. "But don't worry. I was informed to tell you that until you're finally better, Princess Luna and Nightmare Moon will be visiting you every night in your dreams. So all you have to do is go to sleep and they'll be arriving shortly."
That definitely calmed my nerves a bit. The two royal sisters of the night have always been dear to me and I could never turn them away. "Cool... I better get to sleep then..."
However, Twilight then seemed to glance at the window before looking back at me. "Oh, and one last thing. I sent a message to Princess Celestia today. I think I know somepony who might be able to help you. They should be stopping by tomorrow. I think around noon?"
"They?" I asked, completely at a loss of who could possibly help me when my symptoms are so unclear. A team of doctors from Canterlot?
She nodded again. "Mmhm. And you know them both. But for right now, I had better get going. I don't want to get in trouble with security. Just..." She then leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "Just take it easy, James... Sweet dreams."
"You too, Twi... Good night." I said softly in reply while running my fingers through her mane. Reluctantly, my dear friend turned and left the room. But not before pausing to look at me over her shoulder one last time.
As of this moment, I am writing this entry with more of the paper Twilight Sparkle provided me with only Rarity's lamp lighting up the immediate area. It does a good job of adding a punch of sophistication to the place. The only sound that breaks the nightly silence is the scratching of the pen against the paper and the beeping of my heart monitor. The rhythm of the beeping is slightly slower than it was when I woke up. Barely noticeable, but it is there. My respirator was removed earlier today since I seem to not need it right now.
The memories still linger. Maybe I am becoming more tolerant of them. Or perhaps I am just becoming numb to the pain. I am so tired... More mentally and emotionally than physically. But soon I will be asleep and... Wait. Something seems different. Did something happen to that flower vase?
I just now noticed it. I mean, it is right on the other side of the lamp, so it is hard to miss. I seem to recall the flowers being inside a porcelain vase with a green finish. Maybe even seafoam. But right now... The polish... It is black.
Why... No one could have snuck in and swapped the vases without my knowledge. It was not black at the time Twilight departed for home. So...
There is something...unsettling about what I am seeing. Those azaleas... Beautiful, yet poisonous...in a black vase... Now, I am no expert of the language of flowers, but... There is just something about that combination that makes me feel as if I have just now received a death sentence.
What is wrong with me... I keep seeing and hearing things that are not there, seeing colors that are false, feeling pain when I am not harmed... I just... I will sleep with my head turned to the right tonight. Looking at those flowers and that vase... I feel as if I am being watched.
I am unsure what to think. With these memories haunting me... Yet, with those that do care for me... I want it to end, yet I want to see things get better. Why am I so torn on this? I want to live, yet I want to die. And unless they find a cure... My days are numbered.
But even moreso... Who did Twilight request to visit us? And what can they do for me? Maybe tomorrow holds the way out of this dilemma. But for now, I better get to sleep. Luna and Nightmare Moon are waiting for me.