Alone: Tessi and her rapist
#3 of A Worthwhile Life
Note: Please don't call any of this sexy... even if you find it so. Please? Really? :( For those not understanding the beginning, read the stories 'Frustrated' and 'Confused' first.
Alone: Tessi and her rapist
Tessi the fox held the razor to her arm, tears streaming down her face. Her tail quivered with fear and distress. She had escaped rape this time but...
***
Four years ago she had been in her first real relationship. She had been so young! So naive! The man was a tall black weasel named Killi. He towered more than a foot over her scant 5' 1" frame. Tessi had been attracted to him in a dark, slightly masochistic way. Perhaps it was because he was a sadist. Maybe she just thought she deserved someone who would hurt her.
When the relationship ended, she had tried to stay friends with him but... he, he wanted other things...
It was only a month later when Tessi knocked on the door to Killi's house. He opened the door and beckoned her inside. The interior was usually a little messy but he lived with his parents along with a horde of adopted little ones. They did their best, Tessi knew. She didn't judge.
Tessi and Killi sat side by side on a long couch watching TV, in a manner that they had done for months while they were dating. He would keep stealing glances at her, but his demeanor seemed uneasy. Despite the various sexual exploits they had gone through in their relationship, Tessi still didn't know the cues that signaled his desire. She hadn't thought twice about wearing a short skirt that day. Her beautiful brown fur was clean and smooth. After a few hours, Tessi had had enough television, and told Killi so.
When she got up off of the couch to leave, Killi pulled Tessi onto his lap. At first, she thought it was for a nice hug. Tessi loved hugs! But his paws quickly wandered towards her underwear. When she caught on to his intentions, she struggled a little, but he was strong, and had hurt her before. Her parents had never liked the signs of his abuse.
He wrapped one arm around her waist while his other paw delved into her panties. He fingered her roughly, almost painfully, while she sat helpless in his lap. She kept thinking... 'no, no, please don't, please stop!', but she held still. Why did she hold still? He thrust into her with his fingers, twisting around quickly and harshly, affording her no pleasure, only grief and misery.
She tried again to pull away, but she was so frightened, and he held her immobile so easily. He was too strong! He unzipped his pants, revealing his erect member, his thin black tail waving off to the side with so much excitement. Killi pulled her panties down with one paw, just enough to be able to force his cock up, and into her. He pushed her forward for a better angle, squeezing the breath out of her. She practically hugged her knees while he enjoyed himself with her. He rammed, and rammed, seemingly forever. Just before he climaxed, he pulled himself out and released all over her back.
Why hadn't she tried harder to resist him? Tessi had felt so dirty. She had already been depressed, but this pushed her so close to the edge she could see the bottom on a clear day. For the next few months Tessi abandoned all sense of herself and became a virtual sex toy to Killi. She waited for him to come and see her, saw herself only as a way to fulfill his needs. After all, she was worthless, wasn't she? She was damaged goods... who would want a vixen that had done those things...
***
Tessi shivered, remembering that day. She drew the razer in her paw down from her wrist to her elbow. She didn't want to die, she just wanted - needed - to see blood. A thin red trickle flowed, but not enough to satisfy her longing to forget the pain. She hadn't pressed hard enough. Tessi, tears running in rivulets down her face, remembered how Killi had used her...
***
It was shortly after new years, six months after she had become his virtual sex slave. Unsatisfied with a compliant vixen, he had wanted to try something new - anal sex. Tessi was terrified by even the thought of such an act. She was so little... and he was very well endowed. But Tessi wanted to please Killi more than anything. Without too much pressuring by Killi, Tessi succummbed to his will.
They went downstairs into the basement, where Tessi had set up a small sitting area for studying. They were surrounded by gauze curtains, up on a dais raised above the floor. A green couch allowed seating for two. Tessi had hoped Killi might let her kiss him but... that was off limits. She didn't get hugs, either. Any normal sign of affection, any hint that she might be valuable, he denied her.
They had brought down some lubrication. Lately, she had been very dry. It wasn't very suprising - she wasn't ever aroused, even though Killi thought she should be. To her, her only value lay in giving herself to Killi. She stripped down, no foreplay of course, while Killi did the same. Killi picked up a footrest and sat it in front of the couch. His black fur seemed sinister to Tessi. In some ways, she hated the sight of him.
He had Tessi get on all fours, tail in the air, while he prepared himself behind her. She had a hold on the footrest, but when he finally began to push himself against her hole, the pain was so intense she leaned away. Killi pulled her back, holding her still while he tried to enter her again. Tessi couldn't help screaming in agony - she had never felt such excrutiating pain before!
She felt him part her, and instinctually she kicked away so hard she shoved the couch back and the footstool forward, sprawling her on the floor. Rather than letting Tessi rest, or giving up entirely, Killi got a pair of socks...
"Bite this" he said, "to keep you from screaming so much." Suffering, crying, Tessi complied, fixing the couch and the footstool. She bit the socks, leaned over again, and lifted her tail. Her whole body shook with fear. This time, he held her hips while he thrust. After only one or two pulses Tessi was crying around the socks in her mouth to get away, tears streaming down her face. She flailed, but she lacked the position she had had before, and was unable to escape as he wracked her body over and over again in unimaginable agony.
When he was done, Killi got dressed and left. Tessi didn't get to cuddle, she wasn't held afterwards. She was covered in the residue of his sex, forced to clean herself up, wincing every time she moved. She bled for days afterwards, and that was the last time he had wanted her. After that, she was abandoned and worthless...
***
Tessi shook her head vigorously, ears turned back in sorrow. She bit her lip with her sharp canines to keep from yowling her emotional misery. She dragged the sharp razor down her arm again, hating herself. This time, several scarlet droplets fell from her arm to the vintage yellow tile floor. She had escaped the would-be rapist from the store, but she could never run far enough from her past.
Tessi cut herself again, feeling slightly mollified by the sight of her blood. Something about it numbed her, calmed her senses. The blade became slick in her hand, covered in the liquid symbolism of her sadness. She wasn't worried about bleeding to death. She had tried before... but that was another story.
Here she was, alone, wanting a hero. Tessi knew better than that now. You don't get heroes. Everyone lets you down. And its not their fault, either. She had given up believing in people not because she hated them, but because she loved them so much, she didn't want to hurt them with her dissapointment. So why did she want to call that wonderful fox Iefan so much?
Tessi kept slashing away at the soft inner portion of her arm until a small pool of blood had formed on the floor in the corner where she sat. She felt... a little better. Calmer. Empty. Numb. But the tigers' smell was still on her fur and it made her nauseous. She desperately needed to clean up.
Tessi took off her clothes somewhat fearfully and turned on the hot water in her shower. The faucet wasn't very good and the water pressure left a lot to be desired, but it sufficed for the purposes of cleaning. She stepped into the tub, and pulled the lever that made the water start coming out of the showerhead.
The water was very hot, and everywhere it touched her arms it sent excrutiating pain shooting up her limbs, as though she were running the razor along them all over again. She felt weak, and tired, and turned on in a way that made her tears all the more bittersweet. She washed herself as best she could, but it was always hard to hold things when her arms were in this state. For a while, she sat on the floor of the tub, watching as her blood swirled in the water, down the drain. The hot water began to wane and, satisfied that she had done her best, Tessi stopped the water and dried off. She walked into the living room, knowing she would feel no more secure with clothing on. The door was locked, but her mind roamed the haunted alleyways of her past.
Still damp and naked, Tessi sat down at the computer and stared blankly at the black screen. She felt so alone. It was a familiar sensation. Should she call Iefan? Could she handle being turned away, when she only sought comfort from a friend? Tessi grabbed a stuffed animal and held it tightly to her chest as she sobbed silently. When she could hold it in no longer, Tessi began to wail, to howl till the neighboring apartments were sure to hear the noise. She wished she could ask him to hold her, to let her cry on his shoulder. But it was no use, she couldn't do that to him, she wouldn't do that to him. She could never really tell someone she cared for just how much she hurt inside.
***
Is there more suffering in Tessi's past? How can she make it through the night without help? Tune in for more Tessi!