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What's left to say after Meagan told me that Nikki planned on ending her life...? I had no idea what to say... Meagan called me that day to meet up and told me she found web-pages and search terms in her browsing history about painlessly ending your life on Nikki's notebook... That's when Meagan realized things were serious and called me... After all the things said and done, I wanted Nikki to be okay... But it turned out that's she's far from being okay if she really had suicidal thoughts... Nikki is the kind of girl who doesn't talk about her feelings... We never realized how bad she was doing until that evening... So imagine how shocked Meagan and I were when we found out... We wanted to help her except we had no idea how... Every attempt we made failed... But perhaps we were the wrong people to help... Perhaps she had to set something straight for herself first with a certain somebody before any of us try to pry open her mind... And that's when Meagan and I thought it was best to get Terry involved as well... But as you may recall, Terry and I had a very bad break-up... It's been months since I've last seen him... And even though Meagan would come along, I couldn't help but to feel very nervous about seeing him again...

'- Ceylan? Exit coming up.'

'Hm? Oh, I'm sorry, uhm...'

'Where to next?'

'Uh... Stay in the right lane... Follow Linford Heights...'

'Sure thing...'

It was around seven PM when Meagan and I drove to the other side of town to see Terry... I got lost in thoughts as I stared outside the window... We were driving at one hundred kilometers an hour on the freeway but it sure didn't feel like that... The street lights illuminated the interior of the car every two seconds as we were passing by... It had a certain rhythm to it, almost a hypnotic one, which probably caused me to space out... The radio playing quietly in the background and hearing the engine humming certainly played a part in that... When I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to meet up with Blain and when I looked at the display of my phone, I saw it was him who was calling... So I quickly answered...

'Blain!'

'Hey man, where you at?! I've been waiting for you for over half an hour!'

'I'm so sorry but I can't make it tonight, something urgent came up. I totally forgot to call you.'

'Why, what's wrong? Nothing bad, I hope?'

'It is... Look, I'll tell you everything when I get back, okay?'

'Alright... Where are you?'

'I'm in the car with a friend of mine, on my way to see Terry.'

'Terry??'

'Yeah, long story... I'll get back to you, okay?'

'... Uh, sure. Take your time, let me know how you're doing.'

'I will, see you soon.'

'Sure thing. Take care, Ceylan.'

Once the call ended, I placed it back in my pocket and sighed quietly as I stared outside the window... I couldn't help but to think of Nikki and what she was doing at the moment... Thinking about it made me feel guilty because somehow, I couldn't help but to feel responsible for all this as well... For not doing enough... For abandoning her... Feeling guilty not to have fought for her... And how easy it was to forget about her... "Gone but not forgotten" wasn't the case with me... Perhaps I did that because of the way she hurt my feelings... She wanted to let me go while I wanted to stay... I didn't understand back then that she did all that just for me... But now I do...

'Which way...?'

'Uh, take a left at the intersection, stay on the left lane...'

'Everything okay...?'

'No... I just can't believe what's happening...'

'Heh... Neither can I...'

'Go right at the next roundabout and just go straight ahead...'

'Wow... Look at all those villa's... Does he really live there...?'

'Yeah...'

Once we took a right at the roundabout, Meagan drove straight ahead like I told her to... Large villa's and mansions were scattered on the hills on either side of the road... Large garages with at least two cars in front of them... Some houses even had an exotic sports-car like a Ferrari or a Lamborghini in front of it... "Living the high life in Ravello..." People say that money can't buy happiness but it can buy a Ferrari, which would make ME fucking happy... So yeah, we definitely fell out of place... I could never get used living here... Some snobbish cunt who was walking down the street actually looked surprised at us as we were driving by... Suppose she wasn't used seeing an old rickety car driving down the street with two broke-ass girls inside... I guess it just shows the mentality of some people... Judging the look on Meagan's face, I could see she was thinking the same when she saw all those large villa's and expensive cars... She's struggling to make ends meet and can barely scrape a living together by literally working her ass off... How many people who lived here received their money from actual hard work...? And how many of them did absolutely nothing to earn such wealth and all that luxury...? It's unfair... Way, way unfair... But I guess that's just me thinking too much about it...

'Where to next?'

'See that white villa with the red roof-tiles up ahead?'

'Yeah?'

'That's the place. Take a left at the next intersection, then drive up the hill.'

'Oh wow...'

'There's a parking lot up ahead where you can park the car.'

Once Meagan parked the car, she turned the ignition off as I had my eyes closed for a moment... I sighed quietly and looked at the entrance of the drive-way leading to his house... I looked at Meagan when she placed her hand on mine and looked me in the eyes...

'Ceylan...?'

'Yeah...?'

'I know it's not easy for you to see him but...'

'I know but I just can't think straight... I really have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to say...'

'I think it's best that we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves...'

'Heh...'

'Remember that we're doing this for her...'

'Yeah... What if Terry keeps sticking his head in the sand...? What if he doesn't even want to talk to us...? '

'I guess there's only one way to find out...'

The two of us were looking at the gate of the driveway and then back at each other... Sighing quietly, I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car. I waited for Meagan to get out and once she locked her car, we crossed the street and walked up to the intercom near the gate... Meagan and I looked at each other once more before I pressed the buzzer... Several moments later, I heard Terry's mom answering the intercom... I looked straight in the camera the moment I heard her voice...

'Williams residence.'

'Hi, Simone, it's me, Ceylan...'

'... Ceylan? It's been so long, dear. What brings you here?'

'Uhm... I was wondering if Terry's home...'

'Terry is here, yes.'

'Can I see him, please...? It's very important...'

'Sure, come on in.'

When the large gate opened, Meagan and I walked on the drive-way towards the house... Once we made our way to the front-porch, the door was still shut... I could hear some arguing going on inside and when the door finally opened, Terry got outside, looking rather angry at me... That's when I knew it was a mistake to come here...

'Why'd you even bother to show up? I've got nothing to say to you, Ceylan.'

'Hi Terry...'

Terry was so fixated on me that he didn't even notice Meagan. When Terry heard her voice, he turned his head to face her and immediately toned down a bit... He seemed very surprised when he saw her...

'Meagan?? Hi! What's, uh... What's all this about? Why are you here?'

I saw Meagan's eyes and she totally clammed up the moment Terry asked that... She already had to bring the message across once, I guess she couldn't handle it a second time... I understand though...

'We need to talk...'

'And what do you expect me to say after you fucked me over? Even now, you come here, acting like nothing ever happened, trying to justify yourself! For what, to make you feel better about it?!'

'That's not why I'm here...'

'You said you wanted to talk, right?! Go ahead, talk all you want! You never wanted to talk before, never gave me an explanation and NOW you show up?!'

When Meagan saw that things were getting out of hand and he wouldn't listen to me, she intervened in an attempt to calm the situation down... I can't blame Meagan that she tried to... But the thing is, it only made it worse... I suppose none of us could think straight that evening...

'Terry... There are several things that happened between you and Nikki that never got worked out before... And uhm... We think it´s one of the reasons why Nikki is not doing well...'

'What are you on about?'

'Meagan knows what happened... I told her...'

'... Everything?'

'Yeah, I know "everything"...'

'Jesus Christ, you told her?! You fucking told her?! That was supposed to stay between us!'

'Meagan had to know after she told me what's going on! If you could just listen-'

'I've lost my best friends because of you, you know that?! Talking shit about me behind my back, fucking me over and now you´re at it again?!'

'You really think I did that?! And in no way, you had anything to do with that with way you acted?! What the hell did you expect after the stunt you pulled off on her?! What the hell were you thinking treating her like that for?!'

'Nikki played us both in all this and look where that got us!'

'Nikki never tried to set us up against each other! She tried to make things right again!'

'Riiiiight,right so that's why she fucked me over when she chose for you! Isn't this that you wanted?!'

'No!! It's not what I wanted! But I'm sick and tired of you putting the blame on me while you know damn well that you had a part in all of this as well! She trusted you, Terry! And you just fucked off and abandoned her when she needed you the most!'

'Abandoned her like you abandoned me?!'

'Goddamn it!! This isn't about us, Terry!! This isn't about you, this isn't about me! It's about Nikki and she needs our help, now more then ever!'

'What do you mean, now more then ever?'

'Nikki is planning to commit suicide!'

It had a huge impact on him when I told him that... Well, yelling at him was more like it... All he did was staring in disbelieve at me for a moment... When he looked at Meagan, all she did was biting her lip and nodded slowly...

'Jesus Christ... For real...?'

'Yes...'

'H-How, I mean... Uhm... How'd you find out...?'

'I saw her internet history... It was about painlessly ending your life... That's when I called Ceylan and told her everything...'

'Holy shit... Uhm... Is she for real...? Is she really planning to commit suicide...?'

'I don't know...'

'Would you really want to wait and find out if she´s for real or not...?'

'Fucking hell...'

'That's why we need you... That's why we're here...'

It stayed silent for a long time as Terry stood there nervously... He didn't want people to know that he slept with Nikki but now that Meagan knew what happened, he started to feel very ashamed... Terry looked confused, as if he just started to question why he did that... And like so many things, he didn't had an answer to that... I could see the shame and the hesitation in his eyes and he wasn't facing us anymore...

'I know there are a lot of things that we never worked out before, Terry... But we can either fight each other like old times or we can set our differences aside to help someone who needs us...'

'Hm...'

'I'm not telling you... But I'm asking, Terry...'

'Not after everything that happened...'

'How's that even relevant...?'

'It's what got us in this situation in the first place, Ceylan...'

'True... But someone once told me that we can't change the direction of the wind... But we can adjust our sails...'

'Maybe...'

'We can't change what happened or undo the things we did... But it doesn't matter anymore... What matters is that we need to support her in every way we can...'

'Even the ones who hurt her the most...?'

'Yes... I myself included...'

'Heh...'

'You don't have to stay in contact with me if that makes you feel uncomfortable... I can understand that you don't want to see me... But I'm asking you to see her and talk about what happened... To work things out... Meagan want to help but we can't help her with this...'

'W-Why, I mean...'

'If Nikki finds out that we know she slept with you, I'm afraid it will only make things worse... How do you feel now that Meagan knows that you took advantage of Nikki and fucked her...?'

'That's not... Goddamn it... That's never... For fucks sake...'

'No, but that is exactly what happened, Terry... And I can't help you with that... You can stick your head in the sand and deny that it ever happened but you and I both know better...'

'I can't stay friends with her anymore... Fucking hell... Goddamn it, I can't even look her straight in the eyes...'

Maybe it was a bit of a dick-move to make him feel guilty... But I felt it was the only way in order for him to understand the severity of the situation... Things were already down the drain, how much worse could it possibly get if he went to talk to her...? What really worried me was how much worse things COULD get if Terry didn't went to see her... I was hoping that it would have made him come to his senses... But sadly, it had an opposite effect on him... He was either stubborn, oblivious or a coward for not taking responsibility for his actions... Maybe it was anger... Perhaps it was frustration or fear that got the better of me... But whatever it was, it pissed me off...

'I can't, man... I can't see her... You said you were always-'

'For fucks sake, Terry! You've got your head so far up your ass that you don't want to see what's happening! Well, guess what?! This really IS happening now! You keep blaming me for the things that happened but at least I had the courage to come out! I had the decency to tell the truth, even though it wasn't always pretty! And yes, I made mistakes and I don't have a clean conscious in all of this! But at least I was willing to take my responsibilities and I dealt with the consequences, unlike you! So stop blaming ME!!'

Terry closed his eyes and sighed quietly when he averted his eyes from us as it stayed silent for a long time... He just shook his head and looked down... And when I realized that Terry wasn't willing to talk to her, the tears were rolling down my eyes out of pure frustration... He didn't have to stay with Meagan and me... I at least expected him to see Nikki alone in order to work things out... But even that was too much to have asked for... I looked at Meagan and I could see the look in her eyes... She too thought that our pleas felt on deaf ears... And like I said, he was either too stubborn, too oblivious or too ashamed to admit he did something wrong, even though he knows all too well... But I suppose that's just how the world works... Some people take responsibilities for their actions and deal with the consequences... And others don't... That's why the world is such a fucked up place because of people like that... Meagan and I didn't want to be a part of that... And that's why we had to leave...

'Terry... I'll walk out of your life and you'll never see me again if that's what you really want... I can't blame you if you'd ask that from me... You've got all the right to do so...'

'Heh...'

'A lot of things happened between us that never got worked out before... But now is not the time or the place to do so... I never gave you an explanation before simply because I didn't have any... But now I do and more importantly, I understand why... And I was hoping that maybe one day, you'd give me a chance to explain... But it's okay, I understand... I don't expect you to listen to me...'

'Hm...'

'But this isn't about you or me, Terry... This is about a friend who needs our help, now more then ever... Despite everything that happened, I still care for Nikki and I want her to be okay... Even if it means I can't be friends with her anymore... If you always cared for her the way you claimed to, you'll know it's the right thing to do...'

'Right...'

'You know what's happening now and it's up to you to decide what you're gonna do with it... And if you want me gone, sure... You'll never have to see me again... You don't have to see Nikki if that makes you feel uncomfortable... You don't have to work things out with her if you'd rather want to stick your head in the sand and deny what's happening...'

'Heh...'

'But Terry...'

'Yeah...?'

'If Nikki really does end her life, I'll make sure you're the first to receive a mourning card... See if you still feel the same way about it when you read it... I know I'll have peace with myself if that day ever comes because I know I did everything I could for her... But the question is, can you...? Would you be able to live with the idea that you played a part in her death and did absolutely nothing...? For your sake, I hope you can if that day ever comes... I really hope you can...'

Meagan and I stood there with tears in our eyes, looking at Terry... All he did was staring right back at us... Perhaps it was a mistake thinking that he would help... But at least we tried... Meagan was the first to turn his back on him and started walking back to her car... But I stayed there, looking in his eyes and I just didn't understand... I shook my head once more and turned around to walk away... It's sad that it had to end this way... But I suppose that's just the way things were...

'She once told me that she wished for an end to everything... But I just told her that things aren't as bad as they seem...'

When I turned around and faced Terry, he stood there with tears in his eyes... I know it's difficult to face someone you have wronged... It's not easy to forgive yourself when you know you've brought harm to someone else... But sometimes it's necessary to set those feelings aside... Because Terry still cared about Nikki deep down inside... No one wanted things to turn out like this... But we couldn't changed what happened... When Terry realized that we can change the things that lied ahead of us, the tears were rolling down his cheek... And it was very moving to have seen him cry for the very first time in my life...

'She really is planning on ending her life, isn't she...?'

It started to sink in... And Terry just stood there, feeling powerless while clenching his hair while I kept staring at him... I really shouldn't have brought the message across like this... I had regrets the moment I saw him like that... Meagan walked towards and gave him a hug while she caressed the back of his head, whispering that everything will be alright... The two of them were holding each other close as I just watched... I walked towards them and placed my hand on his shoulder... He looked up the moment I did and I just stared in his eyes... And that's when I held him close and hugged him tight...

'I'm so sorry, Terry...'

'Me too...'

The three of us were holding each other and all the emotions that were bottled up over the months came over us like a tidal wave... All that anger, all that sorrow... Everything... No more fights, no more secrets... It felt so liberating... Terry and Meagan felt the same... As if a huge burden fell down their shoulders... It wasn't going to be easy... But at least I didn't had to walk the path alone... No matter which direction we'd take, we would be together, like we once were... Sometimes, things need to get worse before it gets better... We knew that all too well, considering it couldn't get much worse... But I suppose that was also what brought us closer together...

It didn't seem like it at the time but it was good that this whole crisis happened and affected all of us... It caused us to seek each other out and make amends for the hurtful things said and done in the past... It caused us to grow closer together as friends and understand each other better than anyone ever did... So perhaps its good that this ever happened... I don't want to think about what would've happened if I didn't answered my phone that day... I don't want to know what would have happened if I had walked off on Terry... But I'm glad it's something I never have to experience... Our lives would've been so much different if Meagan didn't reached out to me that day... The road was long and bumpy and oh so tiresome to walk for us... But we got there, eventually... We just had to make sure to see it through...