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I said nothing on the ride home from the police station that day, I simply sat there like a statue, listening to my mother but not actually hearing a word she said. I tried not to even let myself think, but I couldn't stop the fear that Snow would track me down, the anger at myself for letting another person die because of my lie, or the shame that I was still lying to my mother. It wasn't until I felt a warm paw on my shoulder that I even realized that we were home I looked at my mother seeing the worry painted across her face, I almost spoke to reassure her but instead pulled my gaze away looking out on our neighborhood noticing the squad car parked across from our house. "The detective said he was going to post an officer to you for protection" my mother said with notes of worry clearly in her voice. I just turned from the street and walked to the house opening the door and going directly to my room. Only once the door to my room closed and the world outside was hidden from me did I finally allow myself to react I fell onto my bed the tears already flowing freely from my eyes. I lay there curled into a ball venting my frustrations through my weeping long into the night, I heard my mom knock once but when she got no response she must have decided to leave me to myself.

At some point during the night I must have fallen asleep because I awoke to the sun shining in my eyes, and still wearing the clothes I put on two nights ago. I must have been more exhausted than I thought having slept through all of Saturday and into Sunday. My stomach chose that moment to remind me I hadn't eaten since Friday night and despite not wanting to have to talk to my mother I really needed to eat. The house was quiet as I left my room and walked slowly down the hall towards the living room stopping only momentarily to see if the squad car was still parked out front. "Don't worry sweetie I talked to the officer this morning he said they haven't seen Thaddeus since Friday night" I cowered away from her voice instinctually unable to stop myself. She walked up behind me wrapping her arms around me and hugging me "I'm sorry mom" she looked at me questioningly "sorry for what dear, you haven't done anything wrong". I was quiet for a minute not exactly sure when I had made the decision to tell her "yes I have I've been lying to you" I paused not sure if I had the courage to continue, my mother just stared at me. "I've been lying to myself too, mom I'm gay" I said this with my eyes downcast not exactly sure what to expect and shaking with fear, I finally mustered my courage and looked up. She was crying with a look of disbelief plastered on her face, I reached my paw out to try to comfort her "no, don't touch me your parents were right no wonder they didn't want you. You're a deviant and I want nothing to do with you. GET OUT!!"

I couldn't believe what I just heard, I turned and ran to my room grabbing some clothes my phone and my laptop computer and shoved them into a duffle bag, then grabbed my school bag and ran from the only home I had ever known not knowing if I would ever return or what would happen to me. I had no idea where I was going I just ran, away from the place where I used to feel safe toward an uncertain future and an unknown destination. Eventually I could no longer run the tears and sobs made it impossible to breathe normally, I looked around trying to get some idea of where I was and realized I must have run further than I thought. the high school I attended loomed in front of me its wall shrouded in afternoon darkness, there was garbage and broken glass scattered about at the base of the wall by the dumpsters and with no idea what I was planning I walked over finding a sharp piece of the shattered glass. I lifted it up staring through it watching the way it distorted the world, and all at once all that had happened in the past few weeks came crashing down on me, the tears almost forgotten, began again to flow silently down my cheeks. I could no longer find reason to exist, and with detachment from my body that scared me I slowly lifted the piece of glass and sliced open first one wrist and then the other feeling the blood warm and wet begin to flow freely from the wounds. I fell, my legs no longer able to support me, and just as my vision began to darken I saw a black figure run towards me I could hear it speak but I couldn't understand what it was saying and the last thing I felt was the warmth of a gentle touch. I closed my eyes the warmth on my shoulder my only anchor to reality as I released myself to oblivion.

The pain was the first thing I felt as I wandered through the darkness, was I dead, was the lightening I could see in the distance the relief I sought from the mess that my life had become, or was this just another trick that fate wanted to play on me before the end. I stepped into the light and the world thundered back around me. It took me a minute to realize I wasn't dead I had left the endless dark behind, and all I could do was cry, I again felt the warmth on my shoulder, and although my body seemed too heavy to move and my eyes would not open more than a slit I wanted desperately to know the source of this gentle touch. "I think he's waking up Andy, should I knock him out again?" I heard a strange voice ask as if he were talking through layers of cloth "go ahead we don't want the kid to panic and lose any more blood". I tried to struggle against the plastic mask that was being gently lowered over my muzzle but it was no use I was just too weak to fight it.

I don't know how long I was out this time but, when I awoke the pain in my arms had receded to a dull throb and the warmth I had felt on my shoulder was gone. This fact more than any other disappointed me, I didn't even know who's paw I had felt but I had felt a connection that I hadn't in days one of warmth and true concern. I opened my eyes to the stark utility of a hospital room, I was still incredibly weak but I had enough strength to move slightly and to hold my eyes open on my own. I rolled my head to the side so I could see the door of the room and saw an unfamiliar police officer standing on alert by the door, a tall cheetah, my mind still a bit addled by the sedative they had given me earlier I wondered if this cop might have known detective Kaye. I don't know how long I lay there lost in my thoughts, before I heard the familiar voice of Dr. Roberts, "I'll be honest Koru I'm not surprised to see you here under these circumstances although it does sadden me that it came to this, I was really hoping your mother would be able to help you through your ordeal". I made no reaction whatsoever to the doctors words I just lay there, silently wishing to feel that warm touch on my shoulder again my soul yearning for it. After a couple minutes of the awkward silence in the room I heard the quiet footfalls of Dr. Roberts leave the room, she stopped momentarily in the hall to talk to the officer at the door, and then her footsteps receded down the hall and out of hearing range.

After the doctor left I only received periodic visits from the nurses for the next couple hours, this time gave me the opportunity to fully assess my situation I looked down at my arms which were bandaged from hand to elbow, I tried to move my left arm but stopped as soon as the pain hit, it was sharp and excruciating, I hadn't realized how deep I must have cut myself when I lost control. Just as I was laying my left arm back down I heard a cough from the door I turned my head slowly, a beautiful lioness was standing in the door "I'm sorry if I startled you my name is Dr. Liconis, would you mind if I came in and talked to you for a minute?" I shook my head slightly, and she entered and pulled a chair over to my bedside, "now I have read your file but I still need to ask these questions if you don't want to answer you don't have to ok?" Again I shook my head and she continued "can you tell me what made you hurt yourself?" I looked at her for a while trying to judge her character finally deciding she looked trustworthy before saying in a quiet voice "I told my mother I'm gay this morning and she kicked me out , she told me I was a deviant and that was why my birth parents abandoned me". The doctor looked up from the notepad she was holding, a look of disbelief painted across her face as she listened to what I told her; about how I had run from the house with my few possessions eventually finding myself behind the school and about how I had come to the decision to end myself.

Before I knew what was going on her arms were wrapped around me hugging me close, and even though I couldn't believe I had any left my tears began to flow again, when she released me I noticed there were wet streaks on the golden fur of her face as well "don't worry hun, things will get better, I just need to go finish my rounds and have a chat with the officer by the door but I will come back to see you before I head home ok" I shook my head to the affirmative not trusting my voice. I don't think I expected the kind lioness to actually come back to see me, but about four hours later I woke from a fitful slumber to see her standing over me a serene smile on her face "I'm glad you woke up before I had to leave for the day, I've been talking to the officer out there and he confirmed that your mother has forfeited custody of you to the state, but don't let it worry you I'm already working on getting you set up with a caring foster family that will be accepting of you no matter what" she smiled at me again and turned to leave, "doctor?" I asked tentatively, she turned back to me a question on her face "could I have another hug" I asked quietly not looking in her in the eyes. She smiled again and hugged me again and for the first time in what seemed like a long time I smiled and truly felt happiness. She left shortly after telling me she wished she could stay to talk longer but that she needed to get home to her family.

When the doctor was gone I lay there considering the events of the day and there was only one thing I could think, I still didn't have any idea of who's paw it had been on my shoulder and for some reason I needed to know who that paw belonged to and why their touch made me feel so warm and safe. I lay there the rest of the night thinking of that touch and the promise made by the lioness Dr. before she had left, I wanted to hope that maybe something was finally going to happen that didn't just make me regret living, but hope comes hard after being let down so many times, and eventually after hours of this thought process my body decided that I was too exhausted to stay awake and I drifted to sleep. I awoke the next morning to the sound of three doctors arguing "yes I know that because of the suicide attempt that the boy needs to be kept under watch especially since he is the only living witness in the case and again I argue that being placed with a doctor would be for the best he can be watched and we can start trying to get him back on a normal routine, both of which are important to his physical and mental health". I tried to sit up momentarily forgetting about my self-inflicted wounds, but as soon as I put weight on my arms I was reminded. I gasped and groaned loudly before falling back against the bed, ruining any chance of eavesdropping on the doctors conversation as all three looked over and then walked up to my bed. "Well I'm glad to see your starting to feel a little stronger, Dr. Andrews thinks that you may be ready to be discharged today" Dr. Liconis said with a smile "we are just waiting to see if the police agree with me on your living arrangements after release". I looked at the lioness a question in my eyes before asking "what do you mean by if they agree with you", she began to open her mouth to speak when the officer by the door called her over, and they talked for a minute before Dr. Liconis motioned for the other doctors to follow her out of the room.

It felt like hours before anyone came back into the room and I was honestly surprised to see it was Detective Kaye "hey kid glad to see ya, so the doctor said she told you we were looking into a place for you to stay since your mom won't take you back, well we had a volunteer and honestly I think it's a good choice. You'll be leaving for your new home in a couple hours, and just so you know there will still be an officer watching you, we still need you to testify against that sicko when we catch him", I shook my head a little taken aback at how quick this process seemed to be going. "oh yeah your new guardian gave me this to give to you" he said as he put my backpack and duffle bag on the chair next to my bed adding a plastic shopping bag on top "unfortunately the clothes you were wearing when you were brought in weren't salvageable so they gave me this for you as well, go ahead and get changed when you want but stay in the room till they come and get ya kid" he then turned and left the room with a small wave. I stayed in my bed for a few minutes before my curiosity finally got the better of me, I slowly slipped from the bed trying my best to not jostle my wounded arms arounds but still grunting in pain a few times.

When I got the shopping bag open I was surprised whoever this person was they seemed to know exactly what I liked there were a pair of jeans a black t-shirt and a black hooded sweatshirt with tribal designs in white on the left arm, once I managed to get the clothes from the bag on and found my shoes in the closet of the hospital room, I stood back and looked at myself in the mirror and even with the cuts and bruises on my face I almost looked back to my old self. I spent the rest of my time waiting going through the things I had thrown into my bags when I had left my former home finding that fortunately I had grabbed the chargers for my electronics and even had a couple of my favorite books as well.

Time flew by as I was digging through my few possessions and eventually the time to meet my new guardians drew close, if I said I wasn't extremely nervous I would have been lying but at the same time there was something there I hadn't felt in a long time. I eventually moved my things to the floor and sat on the chair by the bed, all the pacing had worn me out and I was feeling a little queasy. I didn't even notice when Dr. Liconis entered the room dressed in an elegant skirt and blouse but lacking her usual white lab coat and carrying a bag from the hospitals pharmacy, "I see you found the new clothes to your liking, I'm glad they fit you ok" I turned to look at her, "are you taking me to my new home?" she laughed lightly smiling and shook her head motioning for me to follow her. As we passed the room door the officer stationed there turned and followed us, I looked at him once and he tipped his hat to me smiling, a bit embarrassed that I had been caught looking I quickly turned back to the hall in front of us as we made our way to the elevators. The walk to Dr. Liconiss' car wasn't far and the drive to the house was only about 10 minutes but by the time we pulled into the driveway I was shaking with fear at meeting a family who had never even met me but were willing to give me a home. I looked over at the doctor and she smiled "don't worry Koru I can guarantee this family will love you, are you ready to go in?" I shook my head and began to get out of the car. The doctor helped me grab my bags out of the trunk taking the heavier duffle out and carrying it for me as I swung my book bag over my shoulder wincing slightly at the movement, and followed the doctor up to the front door.

I took a quick moment to look over the house; it was a huge modern designed mansion the whole of my old house could have easily fit into it many times over. I snapped my attention back to my feet as I heard Dr. Liconis ring the doorbell, listening intently for any sign of movement from the other side of the door. I stood there shaking slightly as I listened to someone yell from inside the house, and then as footsteps ran up to the door, I didn't look up when it opened, "ummmm mom is there some reason you didn't just use your key?" I heard a young male voice say. I couldn't help myself my eyes shot up to Dr. Liconiss face, she was holding back her laughter behind her paw "I'm so sorry Koru but I just couldn't help myself". It was then I felt it the warmth of the paw on my shoulder, it was the same feeling as the day when I cut myself, the warmth I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes and I saw something I had almost given up on, hope.