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>be Loona

>get invited by Vortex to his girlfriends house party on the Pride ring

>looks like he was serious about helping me make some friends

>never been to this part of Hell before

>actually a really nice neighborhood

>double check the address he sent me

>this is definitely the place

>as I walk up the steps to his door, the sound of drunken demons and dance music gets louder

>nervous to see Vortex again

>last time I saw him I acted like an awkward spaz

>well, I've come this far

>why stop now?

>knock on the door

>hear someone inside shout out to someone that I'm at the door

>after a minute of waiting, the door finally opens

>instead of Vortex like I was expecting, standing there is a short, plump and obviously drunk sheep demon girl

>"Yo, Wassup! Need something, puppy?"

>I'm caught off guard by the puppy comment so it takes me a moment to respond

>"Umm, hey. I'm here for the party. I was invited by Vortex, can I come in?"

>"Oh! You know Tex? On sec!"

>she suddenly spins around and shouts at the top of her lungs "EY TEX, COME TO THE DOOR!"

>a moment later she waving at someone out of sight

>when Vortex arrives and spots me, he gives me a small smile and a nod

>"Heeey, Loona. Glad you could make it. This is my girlfriend, La'Kisha."

>seriously?

>THIS is his girlfriend?

>"H-hey Tex! Thanks for inviting me."

>shit, I don't want to look rude

>turn to the sheep

>"...Hello, how's it going?"

>shes too drunk to detect any possible hostility

>"Hello!" she says in a sweet tone

>"Babe, this is Loona, a friend from work. I said I'd help her make some friends so I invited her to the party." Vortex says

>before I could get a word in and introduce myself, the sheep girl speaks

>"Aww, that's so sweet, baby! Welcome to the party Loona! Nice to meet you!

>"I'm going to go back to getting fucked up. If either of you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen. Have fun!"

>she saunters off to the kitchen, leaving Vortex and me alone

>Vortex chuckles as he watches her leave before looking back my way

>"Well, come in. I'll introduce you to some cool people I know."

>he waves me inside and leads me into the living room

>holy shit there are a lot of people here

>I make a quick scan across the room

>there's all sorts here

>Imps, Sinners, a human, Hellhounds, a couple of Succubi

>wait a minute

>back the fuck up

>a human?

>look back and there is in fact a human guy just chilling on a couch

>his feet kicked up onto a coffee table

>a coffee table covered in drugs of all kinds

>all neatly organized in a fashion similar to what you'd see at a flea market

>why is there just some random, normal looking human in Hell?

>maybe it's just a disguise

>but why the fuck would someone be wearing a human disguise down here?

>decide to ask Vortex about him

>"Hey Tex, what's the deal with that guy in the human disguise?"

>"Huh? Oh, him. Funny story, actually!"

>"You should ask him!"

>before I have a chance to object, he's already pushing me toward the couch with me stammering the whole way

>get a good look at him

>very tall for a human, probably slightly taller than me but shorter than Vortex

>kind of lanky

>shaggy medium length black hair

>wearing one of those leather jacket/hoodie combos, jeans, heavy work boots

>he's actually kind of cute

>he notices us just as we get to him

>"Tex, my guy. Watcha need?"

>he gets up off the couch and gives Vortex a broish hand shake

>he gives me a quick nod

>"Who's this?"

>"Hey, bro. This is Loona, a friend of mine. She had a question for you."

>he grins at me

>"Oh? Is that right?"

>just then, a familiar voice could be heard shouting from the other side of the house over the music

>"BABE! HELP ME MIX THIS DRINK, I'M STRUGGLING!"

>Vortex laughs and gives me a pat on the back

>"Well, duty calls. I'll be around later."

>he walks off towards the voice of his girlfriend

>call out to him as he leaves

>"Okay cool, l-later Tex!"

>the guy sits back down and gets comfortable then motions for me do the same

>as I sit, I blurt out a greeting

>"So, umm. Hey..."

>"Sup. So, what's your question, Loona?"

>"Umm, okay. I wanted to asks what's up with the Human disguise. Seem pretty stupid to single yourself out like that."

>he throws his head back and laughs

>"Ha! Fuckin' knew that what you'd ask. It's always either that or "Can you hook me up?"

>"Well, to answer your question, it's not a disguise. I'm human."

>bullshit, this guy is messing with me

>"Bullshit, you're fucking with me!" I shout

>"I bullshit you not. I'm as human as tax evasion, no word of a lie." he replies

>"Then how are you here? If you died, you would of been turned into a sinner demon." I retort

>"I didn't die and wake up here. I was kicked through a portal."

>shit, I suppose that makes sense

>there was that one asshole kid that Blitzo brought back

>the kid that Blitzo killed

>and I helped dispose the body of

>probably shouldn't bring that up

>"Kicked through a portal? By who?"

>just as he was about to reply, a scrawny imp shuffles up

>"Hehe hey dude, any chance I could get some Molly?"

>"I'm in the middle of a conversation, red dick. Fuck off and come back later."

>"Aww come on, pleeeease? I'm trying to impress th-"

>"Do I look like I care, cunt?"

>the imp gets a desperate look on his face

>"I'll pay extra!"

>the human seems to consider this for a second then looks at me

>"You mind?"

>"Uh, it's cool. Do your thing, dude." I say to him

>the human and the imp have a back and forth using drug terminology I don't really understand

>he then grabs one of the bottles of pills on coffee table and puts three colorful little pills into a tiny plastic container

>the imp hands him a wad of money and the human makes the motion of handing the imp his drugs but pulls back

>"Go get us a six pack from the kitchen, then you get your drugs."

>without any self-respect or hesitation, the imp bolts off towards the kitchen

>he's only gone for no more than 12 seconds with a six pack of beer in hand

>"Here you go! Drugs now, please?"

>the human tosses the imp the little plastic box with the pills in it

>"There's a good man. Enjoy!"

>the imp clutches his prize and scuttles off upstairs

>with that taken care of, he reaches for the six pack

>he takes two bottles of Wicked Hot Slash Imports and hands me one

>free beer, fuck yes

>we both crack them open

>he takes a quick sip from his bottle while I down almost all of mine

>he gives me an amused look and gently kicks the other beers to my side of the coffee table

>"Right then, so what was it I was talkin' about?"

>"You were telling me how you got kicked through a portal to Hell?"

>"Ahh, right you are. Well..."

>he readjusts his sitting position and scoots closer to me

>"Back when I lived on Earth I had a partner named Carlito."

>"He was in charge of finances and all that stuff. Real smart guy. Good with numbers."

>"When we first started workin' together we were best friends. On top of the fucking world."

>"Problems started when he got into the heavy shit. It fucked his mind up and he went all schizo on me."

>"He thought I was planning on backstabbing him or something. Of course I wasn't, but crack does that to you."

>"Then he started getting into all that weird occult stuff. Most of it was total horseshit but some of it was legit, apparently."

>"Long story short. He got me drunk one night, somehow opened a portal to here and kicked me through."

>woah, that's a lot to take in

>with his story finished he takes a sip from his beer, shakes his head and laughs

>"Heh, crazy fucker."

>I tilt my head in confusion

>"You don't... seem all that upset about being sent here."

>he almost seems confused at my comment

>"What? Nah. Why would I be? This place is fucking sick. I love it here!"

>"Really? Why?" I reply

>"Everyone's a druggie, loads of interesting people, there's always wacky shit happening and the DEA has no jurisdiction here."

>"This fuckin' place is a paradise."

>he makes a good point

>most of the Sinner Demons seem to like it here in Hell

>"So you don't miss Earth at all?"

>"Fuck no! Well... Kind of. I do miss my dog."

>he's a dog person?

>...

>nice

>"O-oh, you had a dog? Tell me about them."

>he take another sip and signs

>"Yeah, she was a Pittie. Had her since I was 17. Named her Princess."

>nearly spit out some of the beer I was drinking from laughing when I heard the name

>"Seriously, dude? Princess?"

>"Oh, fuck off." he retorts

>"It's a good name!"

>"Sure it is. For a chihuahua or something." I say

>"Pfft, whatever. Thought was funny to give a killer a cute name so I went with Princess."

>wait, killer?

>"Back up! Did "Princess" kill someone?"

>he smirks to himself while staring at the ceiling

>"Yep. Took her for a walk one night shortly after adopting her. Still haven't named her at that point, mind you."

>"Then some heroin addict tried to mug me and she tore his fuckin' throat out."

>"Was a sight to see."

>damn, that's hardcore

>still a shit name, though

>"Holy shit, that's nuts. Sounds like she was pretty protective of you."

>"Yeah. She was a good dog. Like a gun that loved you back..."

>he take a swig of his beer and lapses into silence

>shit, he sounds bummed out

>probably should change the subject

>"So umm... What's it like being a drug dealer?" I ask

>"Hmm? Oh. Yeah, I like it well enough, I guess."

>"Get invited to lots of parties, get to meet celebrities."

>"Not to mention I make loadsa money."

>then he gives me a curious look

>"What do you do work?"

>fuck

>should I lie?

>I can't imagine he'll be cool with knowing I work for a company that murders people in the human world

>Or maybe he would be

>he doesn't really strike me as a beacon of morality

>"Alright. Every hear of I.M.P?" I say to him

>"Imp? That sounds weirdly familiar..." he muses

>"I think I fell asleep to a commercial that played for hours that was about a company called I.M.P."

>"It had a really catchy but annoying jingle that was stuck in my head for weeks."

>"Don't remember what they sold, though."

>bring up a picture of the company logo and show it to him

>"Yeah, that one. I.M.P stands for "Immediate Murder Professionals."

>"We get payed by Sinners to go to the human world and get revenge for them."

>his face lights up

>"No fuckin' way. That's so sick! So you're like an assassin or somethin'?"

>"No, nothing like that. I just answer the phones and act as dispatch when they're on a job." I say

>"But sometimes I go up there to help them with stuff up there."

>he nods

>"Ooooh okay. That's still pretty cool."

>"How would I go about hiring you guys?"

>oh shit, wasn't expecting him to be THAT cool with it

>"Wait, really? You want to hire us? Why?"

>"To kill my ex-partner, Carlito." he answers

>I raise an eyebrow

>"I thought you didn't care that he sent you to Hell."

>"I don't really mind it, no. It's more of a matter of honor, I suppose. He fucked me over, so I'll fuck him over right back." he replies

>"In the case, I could talk to my d- um, my boss Blitz and see about getting you an appointment." I tell him

>"Ha, Fuck yeah! Sounds like a plan."

>now's my chance

>"Great. So... I think maybe we should give each other our numbers."

>"So I can let you know you know when you can come in and talk to my boss!"

>he takes out his phone

>"Right right. Here."

>we exchange numbers and call each other just to make sure

>"Cool. Can't wait to meet your boss. Never met a hitman before."

>I'm looking at his number on my phone when I realize something

>"Wait! You haven't told me your name yet."

>he looks surprised

>"I haven't? Well fuck, I guess I haven't."

>"It's Ricky."

>yeah, he would have a name like Ricky

>after that we shoot the shit for the next couple of hours

>every now and again other party goers would buy drugs off him

>after some time, Vortex and his pet sheep joined us in the living room

>bringing liquor and mixers with them

>things start getting fuzzy after they arrived

>Ricky and Tex are telling me the story of how they meet but I'm too far gone to really keep up

>and then I blacked out

---

>be Ricky, drug slinging scumbag and proud of it

>be at a house party hosted by my friend Vortex

>shooting the shit with a Hellhound chick that Tex introduced me to named Loona

>she's kind of bitchy (pun intended) and rude at times

>which is good, I like women with a bit of fire in them

>I get the feeling that she hasn't had many chances to make friends

>she's fun to talk to though

>she's been knocking back those beers for the last two hours now

>Loona is officially fucking wasted

>she's got a stupid grin on her face and she's swaying back and forth

>I'm telling her the story of how me and Tex got acquainted

>just as I'm getting to the really juicy bit my phone goes off

>"Fuck sakes. One sec, guys."

>excuse myself and answer the call in a mostly vacant hallway

>Vortex nods in understanding and starts leading the conversation in my absence

>"Ricky here, who's this?" I say into the phone

>"Boss, we gotta problem."

>recognize the Polynesian accent over the phone

>one of my "workers"

>in my inebriated state it takes me a second to try and remember who I'm speaking to

>a giant bird Sinner demon named Tui

>out of all my Hellish workers he's been with me the longest, usually acting as an enforcer or bodyguard

>"Ahh, right. Hey Tui. Listen, I'm busy right now. Can this wait till later?" I ask

>"Aww yeah nah, Boss. I caught Dingo stealing some merchandise."

>fucking great, just what I wanted to hear

>I'm drawing a blank on the name "Dingo", as well

>"Whatever, fine. Smack the thief around a bit, take it out of his pay and get him back to work. I really don't care right now, man." I say

>"No, listen boss. You don't understand. He tried to take ALOT, bro'."

>A lot?

>"Hold on, the fuck do you mean by "A lot?" I asked, anger starting to bleed into my voice

>"Me and the boys caught him trying to hand off a whole shipment to some of our rivals."

>hearing this, I just about shout into phone

>"WHA- WHO THE FU- What!? Why the shit are you talking to me for?! Jesus Christ, get my fucking drugs back!"

>"Hey, Hey! Boss, calm down! It's no worries, I took care of it. The shipments right here." he replies

>"I got Dingo tied up here at the warehouse on Agares street, as well. Thought you'd want a chat with the little fucka."

>take a moment to calm down

>"Ahh... Right then. Good shit, Tui. You were right to call me."

>try to remember where Agares Street is

>it takes me a couple of seconds, but I remember that it's on the Pride Ring

>it's a bit far from the Vortex's girlfriends house, if I'm remembering correctly

>"Yeah, I'm actually on the Pride Ring right now, should be there soon."

>Tui says goodbye and hangs up

>head back into the living room

>see that most of the party goers have staggered off home now, though there are some stragglers

>find Tex and La'Kisha talking about personal shit, all while Loona is splayed out on the couch nursing a mixed drink

>she's seems in her own world at the moment

>noticing me, Tex speaks up

>"Hey. Everyone good, bro? We could hear you from here."

>"Yeah, all good, man. Just some work shit. Gonna need to call it for tonight, though. Somethings come up." I reply

>looking around at the mostly empty living room, Tex nods

>"No problem, Ricky. See you around."

>collect the few left over narcotics on the coffee table

>take a look at the absolutely intoxicated Hellhound on the couch

>"Loona, I'll see you around! Remember to talk to your boss for me!" I shout to her

>"Huhhhh... Buh Byeeeee~" she slurs

>Hell, she's really out of it

>"Tex, can you make sure this fucking drunk gets home safe?" I say

>hearing this, the Hellhound in question pushes herself up

>"H-hey, fu-*hiccup*-ck you!"

>"Haha, yeah bro. I barely had anything to drink, so I'm still good to drive. We'll take her back home in a little bit." he says

>"Yeah, Puppy can count on us!" La'Kisha interjects

>thank the smol Sheep demon for the party, give Tex a fist bump and head out

>quickly find my car out on the street and hop in

>start driving towards Agares Street

>the drive is dull and uneventful, leaving my mind to wander

>start getting progressively more pissed off

>I try to treat my workers good, pay them well

>and this is how this "Dingo" fella repays me? With a knife in the back?

>maybe I'm just too trusting

>trusting Carlito is the reason I'm down here

>hopefully these "Immediate Murder Professionals" guys can fix that little issue for me

>drive the rest of the way white knuckling the steering wheel

>whoever this Dingo cunt is, he's going to regret trying to fuck me over