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Dan sat outside on his porch regretting the decision to stay home while his wife, Rose, was out of town for a few days. The sun shone brightly enough to be annoying even under the protection of his outstretched roof. Deciding he had been outside long enough to be considered active he went back inside the house. Dan plopped down onto his couch, fumbling for the remote before giving up on the realization he had already spent countless hours staring at commercials. He lay on the couch for an hour attempting to think of anything he could do to kill time, eventually a thought occurred to him. Dan reached over to the coffee table spilling the contents of a plastic bag onto the floor, thanking his past self for going to the rummage sale with Rose. As he sifted through for something to occupy himself with, a golden glint caught his attention from under some clothes. He shoved the clothes aside and found a square book staring back at him. Dan picked up the book, reading the title out loud, 'Magic For Dumbshits' scrunching his face as he read the title.

Pft… You'd have to be an idiot just to believe in magic. Dan slowly reached his fingers towards the leather snap holding it closed. Aw, what the hell, I have nothing better to do. When the latch came undone Dan felt a tingle go through his body, as if bugs were crawling under his skin. Dan shivered at the thought. The book started on the cover page with an index, numbered one through one-thousand seemingly trailing beyond the second page. Dan looked at the packet bemusedly, thinking it to be impossible that more than a thousand pages could possibly fit in this napkin sized booklet. Not caring enough, Dan started to read over the index; Elixir of Flaccidity... Gophers, Hamsters, Gerbils and Their Many Uses... Illusion of Fear… Combination and Physical Alterations. Dan paused at the sixty-fifth entry, looking slowly around his room, This will be an entertaining read. Dan shook his head and scoffed at himself. Dan tried to flip as little of the pages as he could, which seemed to be working, better than it should. The pages were going by exactly five every time. He quickly reached sixty-five, bolded letters in a curved design spelling out 'Phys. Alterations'. Dan began to read, expecting nothing more than a whimsical stroll through this 'magic' book. Yet the longer he read, he became wrapped in the words scrawled within. Dan read for hours, lost in the text and incoherent of time, only realizing how much had passed once his ring tone brought him out of the trance. Dan picked up the phone and answered it, “Hello, this is the Everson's, to whom am I speaking?"

“Hi honey, I'm calling to let you know I'll be back tomorrow! Things ended early here, so they got me a flight back early instead of a week from now!", Rose's voice boomed with excitement, which barely compared to how Dan was feeling.

“That's great news! Things are boring as all hell without you here."

“Don't worry honey, not for much longer! I have to pack, I'll call you back in a few hours to say goodnight. Love you, good-bye."

“Love you."

Unce, Unce Unce, Dan started dancing around the room in joy, “Thank you whatever ultimate being is watching over my boring ass life." After tiring himself out dancing around the room, he sat on the couch with a dopey smile on his face, which faded with ticking of every second he realized what he was doing last. Dan peered over at the coffee table which held Magic for Dumbshits. Dan reached over and grabbed the book opening it to Physical Alterations, “Let's see here…"

Dan had finished where he left off, looking for something that would intrigue him further than the mention of the topic already had, and was relieved to find a section titled The art of Combination. He began skimming through it, still marveling at how creative the writer must've been to come up with this. As the minutes ticked away, the boredom began to wrap its tendrils around him more firmly. Let's humour the book.

“First, acquire the items you wish to combine."

Dan pulled his wallet out of his pocket and placed on his desk next to his printer, “Check."

“Second, place a candle in front of your items.(See section detailing badassery within magic)"

Dan ran into the dining room and grabbed a tall candle, placing it in front of the items.

“Lastly, you must repeat the incantation without stutter while intensely focusing on what you wish them to be.(in the case that your mind wanders to the thought of something that wouldn't result from presented combination)"

“Might as well as fully commit to this bull if I've already come this far.", Dan envisioned a money printer and began to repeat the words from memory, playing with the thought of it working, “duxit te per interpres…", the last word slipped Dan's memory, he panicked and thought of what it might turn into or do if he failed to find the word. Upon remembering it he panicked and recited it without regaining his thoughts, “stercore!" There was a rush of energy throughout the room, and the items turned into an orb of purple light, returning back to physical form as a tiny foldable printer sitting on his desk. “What. The. Fuck. This is awesome!" He may have screwed up, but Dan was ready for some fun.

~~~

Dan blinked his eyes, blurred blobs scattering the floor everywhere, a ringing noise coming from behind him. As his vision focused so did his hearing. My phone! Dan sat up abruptly and crawled over the back of his couch flailing about for the vibrating object on the floor. Dan got ahold of his phone, noticing its size to be bigger than he remembered, “Ughn. Hello, this is Dan, what do you want?"

“And here I thought I was missed," a female voice came back from the other end.

“Oh, damn, sorry. Just woke up, you know I don't have your work phone in my contacts."

“You just woke up? Dan, are you alright? it's almost two in the afternoon. Is that why you didn't answer when I called to say good-"

Dan cut her off, his head starting to pound from her increasing panic, “No. No, I'm fine. Just calm down, nothing bad happened, I was just," Dan looked around the room, the blurry blobs could now be clearly seen as his combinations from yesterday, “Tired. I did some cleaning around the house for you. You'll see you when you get home."

“Aww, that's so sweet of you! I should be home by four, don't sleep too long, love you."

“Love you, bye." Dan hung up. Shit. He took a moment to admire his collection of items. A few such as beer bottles shaped like dildos and loose bills stood out to him among the mess. Dan crawled over to the money, I did it! Dan started collecting all the bills he could find, stuffing them into his pockets. Once he felt satisfied with all the bills that were in his wallet, he got up off his knees and looked around the room. There were objects everywhere on the floor. An enlarged fingernail clipper that folded like a pocket knife, plastic cups stuck to the fridge, even the beer bottles shaped like dicks from before littered the floor. I must have been on a roll. Yet he remembered none of it. Just to be sure, Dan ran into the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror. Thank God, all normal. Dan remembered reading in the book that living things can only be combined with other living things when they make physical contact, and that said combination is delayed. He decided it would be best to avoid his dog for a while. As Dan went to leave the bathroom he looked over at the clock above the door. it's already three? There was only an hour left to clean up all the clutter on the floor, and any other of his 'projects' hiding around.

After a half hour Dan had finally finished picking up all the items off the floor and started checking for objects in their places. He moved over to the coffee table and saw that the remote was now rainbow colored and had glitter embedded into it What in the hell? He decided to leave it and explain later, there was little time to worry about small matters. Dan checked the other rooms of his house, noticing the printer was back in the corner, with his now normal sized wallet sitting atop it. “Oh, cool." Dan did a thorough check of the rooms left, feeling satisfied that his handiwork mainly occurred in the living room. Kist to be extra sure, Dan did one last check around the house to ensure that everything obvious was gone. Satisfied with his work he plopped back down onto to the couch and picked up a magazine he had already read five times.

~~~

“Honey, I'm finally home!" Dan gave a startled yell before falling off the couch and smacking his elbow on the way down.

“Agh. Welcome back home, Rose," Dan got up and walked over to his wife embracing her in a hug with a kiss on the cheek.

“Ugh, it's so good to be back, driving here from the airport was hell!

The door to Dan's bedroom creaked open, alerting him to Rose entering the room as he hung up his clothes in the closet. A few moments passed and all Dan heard was a loud, quick, panting coming from near his bed. “Rose, honey, you alright? You sound as if you could use a glass of water." The panting only continued. Dan cautiously peered around the corner of his closet to see his dog standing on its hind legs, with its rocket shaped penis sticking up. Yet it contained his wife's lovely breasts that any man could get lost in for days, perked up and covered in fur. Its head was also covered in his wife's hazel hair streaming down to its mid-back. The woman-dog's tail was wagging so fast, it looked like the box fans his brothers used to use when the AC would break. Dan moved back into the closet, before it was able to look in his direction, hoping that it had not seen him trying to assess his chances of escape. Dan thought about trying to make a run for it, but it would most likely go all fours and chase him down. The only other option was to try and reason with it, maybe it was still enough Rose that he could reason with it.

Dan walked out with all the courage he had, but only being in his boxers made that a lot harder than anticipated. The Rose-Dog immediately looked over at him and growled low. “Rose, honey, I know you're feeling... different, but I need to go get a special pill that'll make you all better, and then we can sleep all night into the late morning together, ok?" The Rose-Dog changed its stance to a more upright position, moving more towards the bed. Assuming he had talked sense into the Rose part of that he started walking to the door only to be tackled mid stride and pinned beneath the weight of his Dog and Wife combined. Pain seared through his back as the dog started tearing away at his boxers, but was failing due to the shaking from anticipation and lust. The dog moved lower over Dan cushioning against its enormous breasts in order to more easily line itself up with Dan's tight asshole. Dan tried to roll over in order to protect his rear end from getting plowed by his wife and house pet, but was immediately flipped back over due to his underestimating the dog's adaptations to a human body. Rose-Dog rested on its legs and pulled him into its throbbing red rod by his thighs to stop his struggling. Dan grunted in pain as he was penetrated in a place never before explored. The dog pulled him back off when it was only an inch deep, pressing it's weight onto his shoulders and ramming itself back into him all, six inches at a time. Dan started to cry out in pain as he felt his ass being pounded mercilessly by his dog. At Dan's demise it began to thrust harder, it's knot slapping up against his asshole. Dan was getting used to the feeling of the dog's meat pushing in and out of him and was starting to relax a bit more, easing up on his muscles. The dog, noticing his relaxing, thrusted with all it had, lodging it's inch-round knot into his hole. Dan coughed out all of his air at the feeling, and began wiggling to try and get off its knot, only to cause himself more pain as it went in further. He started to feel a warm feeling deep inside him as the canine started dripping pre. The dog popped it's knot off him and gave him a second to think it was over before vigorously ramming itself back-and-forth all the way into him, knot and all. Dan tensed up at the new pace. The dog, enjoying the new tightness, only began to thrust harder against him than before. The knot started to enlarge as the dog got closer to its end, widening Dan's more ass with every thrust. The dog gave one final thrust before shoving it's knot in him as it enlarged to its max point of two inches around. Dan felt a warm sensation fill him up as the dog started to release its seed deep inside his ass. After a few moments the dog's knot started to shrink and it slumped in its posture, shifting it's weight to the side more. Dan took the opportunity to look behind him to see if there was any escape. He saw that his own member had grown quite erect during the time,silently cursing to himself he went back on track. As the dog's rod popped out with a wet pop he took the opportunity to crawl away from the dog making it halfway to the door before succumbing to the pain in his rear end. Dan rubbed his ass with his hand only to find a sticky wetness covering him. Dan, not wanting a repeat, regained the vigor he needed to crawl his way out of there.

By then it was already too late. The dog had regained its composure and was striding over to him with what he could only call a smirk on its face. It flipped him over onto his back, sending waves of pain throughout his sore muscles. With its large member, now gone, Dan could see wet lips just below where it's balls sat. Dan's own dick hardened at the sight of its dripping wetness just waiting to be taken. The dog sat on his thighs, his member leaning against its ass cheeks. The dog then began to slide itself back until his member was pressed between its slit and his thighs. The dog then began grinding itself on him until he became restless from the throbbing of his pinned member. The dog lifted its weight to line him up with its slit and brought itself back down, it's breasts jiggling at the movement. Dan, overtaken by lust, moved a bit to better position himself for thrusting, but was thwarted by the canine leaning itself forward and smothering him with its breasts. It's lifting motions caused them to wobble just tantalizingly enough from him to begin groping them. The canine began panting as Dan's hands worked at its breasts with the help of his mouth. The dog began to lose its edge over Dan as it was overcome with pleasure. Dan took advantage of the canine's weakness and rolled the two of them over with the dog on bottom. The pleasure stricken dog gave no fight at Dan's role swapping as he began thrusting himself deep into the canine. Dan took his hands off the floor and put them on the breasts in order to stabilize himself in a position allowing him to mouth at the teats. Dan took his unused hand and began stroking off the red flesh that had started to rise back up from his attention to pleasure. Between his right hand massaging her breast and tweaking it's nipple, and his mouth suckling at the left breasts teat the dog's dick began to leak pre providing enough lubricant for him to effortlessly slide his hand up in down in a twisting motion, bouncing off the dog's knot. Along with the dog's pre came the lubricating of his member as it rubbed against the walls of the canine's slit, urging him to thrust harder and faster. Happy to oblige with the canine's body he began to thrust himself until he bottomed out, his balls slapping against the canine's ass every time. The dog's inner walls tightened around Dan's dick, bring him closer to a his own climax as the increasing pressure against his member made the thrusting all the more pleasurable. Dan could only give a few more thrusts before he gave in to his primal desires and rammed himself all the way in, releasing his seed deep inside. Once he recovered from his haze he turned all his attention to the dog's still alert member, taking it in his mouth and twisting his head as his bobbed his head up and down it, swirling his tongue across the shaft as he went. He used his off hand in order to pleasure what he couldn't with his head while he groped the knot with his other. The dog soon tensed up and he deepthroated its hot thick meat down to the knot as it released its load down the back of throat, rewarding him with a warm full feeling in his stomach. Dan slid his mouth off with a loud pop before he rolled off the dog and onto the floor heaving. Dan drifted off into sleep, not quite sure of what had just happened, but the happiness he felt removed any worry from his system.