Star Zero episode 3
Story by Foxytime01 on SoFurry
Man, it's been so long since I posted these...oh wait, I guess I kinda forgot to. Whoops! This like old old content, but figured I'd share anyways since the original place it was on got taken down.
~Prologue~
~At Star Zero base~
*Kazufox*: Well, I’m a bit early so I’ll just mess around until James and James get here.
*ding, dong*
*Kazufox*: That’s odd. (answers door) Oh, hi Sephiroth. You know we’re still closed but if you want a job done then Star Zero is the right place!
*Sephiroth*: Actually, I didn’t come here for that.
*Kazufox*: You want a job here?
*Sephiroth*: No.
*Kazufox*: Then what then? (notices a book that Sephiroth is carrying) Sephy, could you please tell me that you’re selling magazines or something?
*Sephiroth*: No, I’m a Jenova Witness.
*Kazufox*: Uh huh…I see. Listen Sephy, nothing personal but, I don’t want to join your cult group, okay? Well, I’ve got to go, later.
~Kazufox tries to shut the door but Sephiroth sticks his foot in the way~
*Sephiroth*: I’m not going to take ‘no’ as an answer. Nothing personal.
*Kazufox*: Oh…I get it. *sigh* Okay, hold on a sec while I go do THIS!!!
~Kazufox forms his Shell Shurigun and punches Sephiroth in the face. Then jumps him and starts pounding away until Sephiroth teleports~
*Sephiroth*: That…was not a smart move.
*Kazufox*: And yours was? You come to my place and ask me to join your crazy psycho cult!? I don’t think so!
*Sephiroth*: Actually, I didn’t ask yet.
*Kazufox*: Oh…but still! I already had problems with Puff Daddy’s Vote or Die campaign!
*Sephiroth*: Very well then…(pulls out sword)
(~Sephiroth’s theme starts playing~)
*Sephiroth*: Now you shall die…
*Kazufox*: I’ve had enough talk! Let’s fight.
_Star Zero on the Move_
~Later at base~
*Human*: Hey, Kazu. What took so long?
*Kazufox*: (normal state) Had a little run in with Sephiroth this morning.
*Human*: What did he want?
*Kazufox*: He was trying to get us to join his cult.
*Human*: And you said ‘no’?
*Kazufox*: I said more than that, but I let my fists do most of the talking.
*Human*: You actually fought Sephiroth? Who won? You did otherwise you wouldn’t be here, right?
*Kazufox*: Actually…
~Flashback to: earlier that morning~
*Sephiroth*: I commend you on your efforts to resist me, but you will still die.
*Kazufox*: Shut up and fight! Shell…Shurigun…BUR-
*Ryusen*: Freeze right there!
~The two stop the battle and music stops playing~
*Kazufox*: Ryusen? What the hell are you doing here? Aren’t you going to be late for work at Dairy Queen or something?
*Ryusen*: I appreciate your concern but I quit those jobs. I’ve found a new one that’s more suitable.
*Kazufox*: And what’s that?
*Ryusen*: Working for the Galaxy Police! (flashes badge) And if you two don’t stop fighting right now then you will both be also charged with failure to comply with an officer.
*Kazufox*: Also? Wait we’re under arrest!?
*Ryusen*: That’s exactly what I’m saying.
*Kazufox*: You dirty son of a-
*Ryusen*: You both are under arrest! Put your hands on the ground. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney and if you can’t get one then one shall be provided for you.
*Kazufox*: Oh, okay. (flicks off Ryusen)
~Ryusen forms his alter, Suisun, and it uses its sword arms to wrap around Kazufox’s finger and throw him into the ground~
*Kazufox*: You bastard! You’d love to see me back in prison, don’t ya?
*Ryusen*: Nothing would please me more than to see dangerous criminals like you behind bars. I will escort you there personally.
*Kazufox*: Oh…but you can’t arrest me.
*Ryusen*: And why not?
*Kazufox*: Because, this is MY property! I own this place so us fighting here would be…self-defense on my part. (shows papers)
*Ryusen*: I see…but Sephiroth, you are still under arrest.
*Sephiroth*: He attacked first.
*Ryusen*: But you killed many others that refused to join your group so you’re charged with first-degree murder!
*Sephiroth*: Oh…(flies away)
*Ryusen*: Get back here! Looks like I’ve got more work to do.
*Kazufox*: Hey Ryusen, I’m still waiting for my apology.
*Ryusen*: (walks up to Kazufox) You’d better watch your step, Kazufox. You should even watch where you sneeze.
*Kazufox*: Oh yeah? You’re going to clean up my act with a tissue?
*Ryusen*: No, you fool. Someone is watching you.
~Back to now~
*Human*: What did he mean by that?
*Kazufox*: Don’t know.
*Human*: And what did he mean about locking you up for good?
*Kazufox*: That’s a long story. Where’s James?
*Fox Sr.*: Right here. (walks in with six-pack of beer)
*Human*: (gets a beer) Thanks. So, boss, what are we doing today?
*Kazufox*: Well, usually I’d like to get Marth when I’m this pissed but since we’ve got a new target I say we pay him a visit instead.
*Fox Sr.*: And who is this guy?
~Later at Falco’s~
~Falco wakes up after sleeping all morning but is scared stiff as he is surrounded by fried chicken legs dangling from the ceiling on pieces of string~
*Falco*: Mommy…(sucks thumb)
~Then the TV turns on showing a KFC commercial~
*Falco*: No…NNOOOOOOOOO!!!! Where’s the remote!?
~He reaches over to get the remote but finds an empty egg carton~
*Falco*: What the? Where are the eggs?
~He steps down but hears eggshells crack~
*Falco*: Crud! And I just showered last night!
~The bird freezes with fear as he sees on the TV on Ripley’s Believe It or Not, a farmer cuts off a chicken’s head and it starts running around and starts trying to climb the fence~
*Falco*: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH (takes a breath) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
~The TV then changes to show people eating chicken and enjoying it~
*Falco*: No…make it stop. Make it stop!
~The TV shows a chicken frolicking in the fields…~
*Falco*: Ahh…
~Before a pack of wolves jump and attack it~
*Falco*: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
~The TV changes again showing an eating contest…a chicken eating contest…and Pigma is there~
*Falco*: No…No…! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- (takes a breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
~Later at Falcon’s secret base (it isn’t a secret once people see where it is in the game)~
*Capt. Falcon*: Oh yeah, good morning me! You sexy stud, you.
~Goes into bathroom to wash up then spends his usual 20 minutes singing to his reflection in the mirror with a picture of Firiel flicking him off taped onto the side of the mirror~
*Capt. Falcon*: Hey there good lookin. What’s new? Oh just still being sexy in a non-sexy world. Cause I’m…too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my pants, too sexy for my body, too sexy for you…
~After the ritual is done he moves on still singing to get his tight blue spandex outfit~
*Capt. Falcon*: I’m…so sexy…so, so sexy…I’m just sexy.
~He puts on his helmet visor but doesn’t notice the lice inside~
*Capt. Falcon*: My head is itchy. Must be my sexiness trying to free itself.
~Capt. Falcon leaves his so-called ‘secret’ base not knowing that his outfit has ‘I love cocks’ spray painted on the back over the bird and also falcon on his back was also spray painted to look like a chicken.And also doesn’t know that the Blue Falcon’s G-diffusers was taken and replace by Falco’s crappy one from Starfox 64 and the machine was programmed to crash into a wall~
~Later in Hell~
*Satan*: Who dares disturb me? A new soul to torture?
*Recamen*: No Satan, it’s just me.
*Satan*: Oh, hi Reca. What are you doing here toady? Here for some fun?
*Recamen*: Actually I’m here to deliver this box to Pigma. Have you seen him?
*Satan*: He’s over in Simon’s area.
~Recamen heads over and finds fat people working out because Richard Simons told them~
*Richard Simons*: That’s right, work that fat! Whoo! Okay people, we’ll take a ten-minute break. Oh hi there Reca! How are you this wonderfully glorious day?
*Recamen*: Err…Okay. But this is for Pigma.
*Richard Simons*: Okay, Pigma! Hmm…he’s right there. (points to cardboard cut out)
*Recamen*: That’s just a…
*Pigma*: (waddles in) Yes?
*Richard Simons*: This is for you.
*Pigma*: Who’s it from?
*Richard Simons*: It’s a secret. Do you have a secret admirer?
*Recamen*: I’m just going to leave before I get any sicker. (leaves)
*Pigma*: Oh boy, I wonder what it could be. (opens box) I hope it’s a box of chocolates!
~Inside the box is a basket of fruit~
*Pigma*: UGH!! Disgusting! (throws fruit)
~The fruit then comes alive and topple over Pigma making the whole underworld shake~
*BOOOOM*
*Apple*: So, you think we’re disgusting, eh?
*Pigma*: *gulp*
*Pear*: Let’s feed him…
~The fruit line up and starting with the oranges, they stuff themselves into Pigma’s mouth~
*Pigma thinking*: NOOOO!!! This is horrible!! Who would do such a thing, and why!? (finds note) ‘To Pigma, from James. You fat bastard, this is what you get for leaving me stuck in Andross’ brain for all those years.’ I’m sorry! Please stop!
*Banana*: Bring out the grapes!
*Pigma*: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO- (takes a breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
~Later at base~
~The three Star Zero members are laughing from the videotaped pranks on Falco, Capt. Falcon, and Pigma~
*Kazufox*: Did you see that!? HAHAHAHA!!!
*Human*: That was funny! HAHAHA!!
*Fox Sr.*: You see, we told you that all you needed to do was find someone you hate. HAHAHAHAHA!!!
*ROB DS*: Hey Kazufox.
*Kazufox*: Ha ha…yeah ROB?
*ROB DS*: There’s someone at the door for you.
*Kazufox*: Who?
*ROB DS*: She didn’t say, but I’ve got a bad feeling about her.
*Kazufox*: I’ll be out in a minute.
~Kazufox puts on his disguise, his alter eyepiece, Luigi’s shaved mustache and a nametag with ‘Steve’ on it, and answers the door~
*Kazufox*: How may I help you…?
*Firiel*: Hello…(reads nametag) Steve. I’m looking for Kazufox.
*Kazufox*: And-a why may I-a ask-a?
*Firiel*: I just want to talk to him a little about some of the things regarding Marth and the fact that how he can call him ‘gay’ and how strange things have been happening to him!! *huff, huff* That’s all.
*Kazufox*: Err…Wait right here please.
~As Firiel waits at the door the Star Zero team use the underground hangar’s warp gate to escape undetected~
~Later in space~
*Kazufox*: Okay team, we’re out here a bit earlier than I expected but we have to expect that.
*Fox Sr.*: Why do you call Marth ‘gay’ anyways?
*Kazufox*: Because he is! Now focus.
*Human*: There’s a large vessel heading this way.
*Kazufox*: Now that’s what I’m talking about! Star Zero, let’s take it to them.
~The three fly in formation and…~
*Kazufox*: 3…2…1…NOW!!!
~Moon the ship as usual~
*Crowd*: *GASP*
*Kazufox*: Aw man! We actually got them! Good work team. Let’s go ho-
*Fox Sr.*: Wait, the hatch on the front is opening.
*Human*: Fighters?
*Kazufox*: ROB, check the ship’s status.
*ROB DS*: You got it! Let’s see…Oh no! That’s a giant vacuum!!
*Kazufox*: Alright team, let’s move!
~The three ships try to escape but get caught in the suction~
*Kazufox*: This isn’t good!
*ROB DS*: Sorry to tell you but that ship belongs to Oprah.
*Kazufox*: Oprah!?! NOOOOO!!!
*Human*: What is it?
*Kazufox*: This is Oprah’s! If she catches us then we’ll be put on her show!
*Fox Sr.*: NO!! I…won’t…AAAAAHH!!! (gets sucked in)
*Human*: James!!
*Kazufox*: We have to keep going!
*Human*: I’m running out of…NOOOOOO!!! (gets sucked in)
*Kazufox*: JAMES!!! Got to…get…help! I won’t end up…emotional…on TV! GAAAAAHH!! (gets sucked in)
~Later…~
*Oprah*: Welcome everyone to the Oprah Winfry Show!
*applause*
*Kazufox*: (whispering) Psst! Listen, this is an emotional show. If we keep our answers simple and short then we won’t end up crying on public TV.
*Both James*: (whispering) Got it.
*Oprah*: Today’s guests are the mercenary team Star Zero. Please give a hand for Kazufox, James McCloud and well, James McCloud!
*applause*
*Star Zero*: *gulp*
*Oprah*: Now Kazufox, you’re the leader of the team, correct?
*Kazufox*: Yeah, that’s true.
*Oprah*: What is the main reason for starting this mercenary team?
*Kazufox*: Well, you see Oprah, I was at an interview with James, the furry one…
*Oprah*: So you’re a Starwing interviewer?
*Kazufox*: Well in a way, yes. It’s complicated and all.
*Oprah*: So please continue.
*Kazufox*: I was interviewing furry James but the human James also. Then afterwards things were getting boring so I decided to form Star Zero.
*Oprah*: I see, so now why the James’?
*Kazufox*: Because they are experienced at this and I have some myself and us getting along as friends makes us stronger.
*Oprah*: That is heartwarming, truly heartwarming, give them a round of applause.
*applause*
*Oprah*: This is for the human James, right? Recently you had an F-Zero race and you had a terrible crash accident. What was going through your mind when that happened?
*Human*: Well to be honest, just beating Falcon. He knew he cheated but would never admit it. And if I don’t beat him then who will?
*Oprah*: True, very true. You were with Galaxy Dog so what happened?
*Human*: As peacetime came around, there wasn’t much work for me and my team so we went our separate ways but we keep in touch.
*Oprah*: I’m glad you still do, James McCloud everybody.
*applause*
*Oprah*: Now for the furry James. I understand that all three of you have lived very hard lives but I understand that James had according to the team the worst. How so?
*Fox Sr.*: Well, it…was a long time ago. My wife ended up being killed in a car bomb in an attempt to kill me. I was almost killed in a blackhole. And one of my former teammates betrayed me and I ended up eaten by a giant monkey head.
*Oprah*: That is horrible. How did you escape?
*Fox Sr.*: Well, my son, Fox, made it to Venom and killed Andross and freed me in the process.
*Oprah*: Amazing. When you look back at all of this how do you feel?
*Fox Sr.*: Well, to be honest, sometimes I feel really hurt. *sniff* And stuff…
*Oprah*: And you made it through all that and still have the strength to go on. But just remember you are not alone. You’ve got friends here that will help you.
*Fox Sr.*: Thanks Oprah. *sniff*
*Oprah*: It’s okay. Isn’t it everybody?
*applause*
*Oprah*: These three brave men put their lives on the line to take down criminals although for a strange price, they’re more affordable than Starfox or just about anyone. And just like everyone else they need a vacation…to the Bahamas!
*applause*
*Oprah*: This has been Oprah meeting with Star Zero, but before I go, Kazufox. I noticed that your team was mooning my ship. What’s up with that? Are you guys also strippers?
*Kazufox*: Well, no. And that was for…our code! That’s how we say ‘hi’ to other ships! Heh heh heh…
*Both James*: ……-.-
*Oprah*: Well, that’s a funny way of saying ‘hi’ to someone.
*Kazufox*: It’s better than mugging someone like those aliens in Scary Movie 3.
*Oprah*: And I have to agree with that. That ends today’s show let’s give one more round of applause for Star Zero! Goodnight everybody!
*applause*
~Later~
*Kazufox*: Wow, a week’s paid vacation to the Bahamas! This is so awesome!
*Both James*: Rock on!
*Kazufox*: We could even have ROB and Miyu come along.
*Human*: I didn’t know that we got five tickets.
*Kazufox*: We didn’t but since ROB can transform, we’ll smuggle him aboard.
*Both James*: ……-.-
*Kazufox*: But I don’t get why people say Oprah is evil.
*Random guy*: Oprah sux.
Oprah: (demonic voice) WHAAAAAAT!?!?!
~The Star Zero team watches as Oprah beats the living crap out of the guy with wads of cold hard cash then bites his head off~
*Star Zero*: O_O
*Oprah*: Well that was a good show. And if you guys happen to moon one of my ships again…(demonic voice) I’ll eat your souls!! (walks off)
*Star Zero*: o.o
~Back at base that night~
*Fox Sr.*: That was an adventure.
*Human*: Yeah, no kidding.
*Kazufox*: I’m glad to finally enjoy some peace here at home.
*ding, dong*
*Kazufox*: I got it. And ROB, put in a slide door, alright? (gets door) Hello? Oh crap…it’s you…
*Katt*: Is that any way to greet a girl?
*Sephiroth*: Hello again, Kazufox.
*Kazufox*: Sephiroth!
*Sephiroth*: I won’t kill you Kazu, for now anyways, but here’s the next best thing. (throws Katt on Kazufox)
*Kazufox*: GAAAH!! Get it off! Get it off!!
*Sephiroth*: Beware of Jenova. (leaves)
*Katt*: Just one kiss.
*Kazufox*: NOOOOOOO!!!!
*Katt*: I saw you guys on Oprah and it’s so sad what you guys have to go through. But for you, the least I can do is give you a kiss.
*Kazufox*: I said I was fine! What about Falco?
*Katt*: He’s in the nuthouse talking about chicken.
~Kazufox pulls away and runs in the back room~
*Katt*: Wait, come back little man. (chases)
*Kazufox thinking*: Where’s Edward Elric when you need him?
~Katt corners Kazufox in the bathroom~
*Katt*: I’ve got you now!
*Kazufox*: Fine, I know when I’m beat. Come here and let’s kiss.
~Katt walks over to Kazufox and starts making out with him. And after a twenty minute kissing session, it ends~
*Katt*: That was amazing! It was so…electrifying!
*Kazufox*: You were good too, for a furry life form.
*Katt*: What do you mean by that?
~Kazufox transforms into ROB DS~
*Katt*: You’re…
*ROB DS*: A robot? Yeah, I know.
*Katt*: Where’s Kazufox?
*ROB DS*: He snook out when you weren’t looking. He was hiding under the sink.
*Katt*: Oh, shoot. But it was nice. Hey, how about we… (whispers something to ROB)
*ROB DS*: Really? Sure!
~The two start making out again~
*Fox Sr.*: What happened?
*Human*: We thought you were a gonner.
*Kazufox*: It takes more than Katt to stop a Kazufox! Well, since they’re distracted, let’s head home for the night. Star Zero, dismissed!
*The End*
*Greg*: A cat and a robot. Now I’ve seen everything. I mean, this makes ME look bad since I’m a robot too. There is a lesson here. Not all rich people are bad, like Oprah, she’s nice…unless pissed off but that’s all women…okay most. And Kazufox doesn’t just pick on Marth, he picks on every showoff snob that pisses him off. And because Ryusen is with the police, I’ve really got to watch where I deal my stupid pills…wanna buy some?
~Nintendo characters are copyright to Nintendo.~
~Satan and demon fruit are copyright to Hell.~
~Firiel is copyright to herself.~
~Recamen is copyright to himself.~
~Oprah is copyright to herself.~
~Celebrities are copyright to themselves.~
~Sephiroth is copyright to Square Enix.~
~Kazufox, Greg, ROB DS, Ryusen are copyright to Kazufox.~