Bojack Horseman: Diane Tries Something New
Peanutbutter gets a bit more than he expected after encouraging Diane to try something 'new' in the bedroom.
This story takes place (theoretically) at the beginning of Season 3, shortly before or after “Fish out of Water.
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PB had decided to throw a surprise anniversary party for Diane, and rather embarrassingly had chosen the theme based on something relationship counselor had given them to focus on: “Trying New Things Together."
To that end, he'd catered the party with food from places neither of them had ever tried, installed both a high dive and a bungee jump over their pool, and decorated out every room in the house based on places they'd never been together. One room was Mexico-themed, another was the spitting image of a Crackel Barrel, and one was- to Diane's utter mortification - some kind of sex dungeon.
“I know you get nervous about… trying new things in the bedroom," He'd said. “I thought it would be easier if our friends were around! And you said you wanted to try doing that new thing, and I thought, why not make it fun? We can all try new things, together!"
Diane had tried to explain why exactly this was a horrible idea, but it was impossible. She'd settled for telling him she 'wasn't ready for that yet' and locking the door to 'that' room as securely as she could.
Luckily aside from the 'dungeon room,' the party itself had turned out to be a fun time! They'd started in the afternoon, so by midnight most of the guests were gone, and the whole thing was much calmer and less crazy-drunk than usual. Diane liked that. Maybe it was a sign she was getting older, but hey. It was nice. Even Bojack had been less of a destructive mess than usual - although he was currently passed out on their couch, so the verdict wasn't out yet.
At the very least, she was alone. Diane meandered to the kitchen to see what the guests had left them to eat. The kitchen had managed to avoid getting 'themed' by her husband, so the only decorative eyesore she had to contend with there were half-eaten platters of Ethio-Somalian food and discarded glassware.
Diane's eyes fell on a conspicuous pair of glasses; a tumbler of whiskey next to a martini glass half-full of cosmo. Diane could swear that the whiskey was Bojack's. And she was sure the cosmo belonged to the floozy definitely-not-a-natural blonde he'd been chatting up earlier that evening.
“I'm a regular anthropologist." Diane thought to herself, sarcastically. She knew there was more to anthropology than lazy gender stereotyping, but... a blonde drinking girly cocktails, really? Ugh. She hoped the two hadn't somehow found their way to the sex-dungeon room.
“There you are, honey bunny!"
Diane's amateur anthropologizing was interrupted by her husband - a handsome yellow labrador whose perpetually upbeat attitude and stunning physique left little room for mental acuity.
“Oh, hey... Honey."
“Is my little blossom ready to try that new thing we talked about?"
Oh, right, Diane thought. That new thing. She swallowed nervously.
“Oh, um…" Diane stumbled as she tried to cobble together a last-ditch excuse. “I'm not so sure about doing something new… tonight"
“It's okay to be nervous, Honey! That's how you know you're trying a new thing - because it's new, and new things make you nervous!"
Diane looked away.
“But, tonight? S-shouldn't we wait until all our guests are gone, at least? I know I saw Todd around somewhere, and I think Bojack is still - "
PB's fur bristled a little - or maybe it was just a twitch, it was hard for Diane to tell.
“This night is about us, honey! Not Todd or Bojack." PB replied, but his voice held some tension. It was a sweet thing to say, but... Diane wasn't sure what to do. Then PB smiled goofily, draining the tension.
“I want us to have a good time tonight, together!" he said, “Bojack and Todd can take care of themselves." Then he pulled his wife into a big furry hug.
“Mff.." Diane replied, wrapped in her husband's fuzzy, perfectly toned arms. “I guess they do stay over pretty often anyway… It's not like they're gonna get lost."
“Exactly! And I don't want to wait another moment before trying something new with the woman I love."
Diane smiled and hugged her husband, but she was still nervous. And now she couldn't say no without being a huge jerk. She'd said she was ready to 'try new things,' and she couldn't well say that and keep putting it off. Not when PB had put so much effort into this whole party and everything. She had to try.
“Okay honey... Let's do this."
“Great!" PB barked excitedly. “Give me a second to get the bedroom ready. I had a GREAT idea for the theme- you're gonna love it…"
“You don't have to do a theme-"
But her husband had already bolted to their bedroom. She shuddered to think what ridiculous theme awaited her there. It couldn't be as bad as the sex dungeon… could it? But what if it was? What if she couldn't go along with it? She trusted her husband, but…
No. She trusted her husband, and tonight, that was it. Diane was just... making herself nervous. Her eyes wandered around the kitchen for something to calm her, drifting from Bojack's half-full whiskey, to the cupboards, to the floozy's cosmo cocktail, to the stove...
“Honey, are you coming?"
Crap! Peanutbutter was done getting ready and she wasn't any less nervous. There was no time to pour herself a stiff drink. She'd have to make do with what she had.
Faced with a split second decision, Diane made the first of what would be many poor choices this evening. She reached for the pink cosmo martini and downed its remnants. Then she downed the rest of Bojack's whiskey, and wobbled upstairs.
Shortly after Diane's departure, Bojack stumbled drunkenly into the empty kitchen, desperately looking for something edible that would calm the combination of ethiopian food and bourbon threatening to leave his stomach.
“Who caters a hollywood party with food from a starving, third-world country? Let me tell you, the only food any party needs is pizza and wings. Anything else is just gauche. Am I right, Todd?"
Todd had actually gone home an hour ago, but boozed-up Bojack was sure that he was still hanging out nearby, like on the couch or something. That he wasn't there at all made little difference to the conversation anyway. Even when sober, Bojack rarely paid attention to the people he was talking to.
“Screw this, I'm going up to PB's office. I know he keeps pretzels in there, I've seen him eat them. Don't tell him I went in there, okay Todd? Thanks."
Sometime later Diane managed to find her bedroom. At least, she thought it was her bedroom. Everything looked... grey? It was as if all the furniture, including their nice wardrobes and dressers, had been painted with cement. The full effect was something of a cross between a jail cell and a construction zone.
“Diane!" Barked a friendly voice. “How do you like it? Pretty sexy right?
“Wha... why is everything alll... “
“It's grey! 50 shades of it! As in 50 shades of grey, the bestselling erotic novel? I know you weren't really into the dungeon, but I know you LOVE books, and..."
Diane felt her stomach churn. Those drinks were not agreeing with her, and nor was this ridiculous bedroom display. Luckily the feeling passed quickly, replaced with a sort of tingly, warm sensation on her skin. In fact her whole body felt kinda tingly and warm. It was kind of nice. She wondered if she'd had anything besides alcohol in her drink. Whatever it was, it felt good.
“Now I admit I did not actually read the book," Peanutbutter continued, oblivious to his wife's mood, “but I did look at the Amazon reviews and they said-“
“Peanutbuh.... shush." Diane said, wobbling towards their now-monochromatic bed. “Less just... lets just fuck..."
Bojack continued his drunken tirade about appropriate party cuisine and third world countries as he stumbled up the stairs, partly to convince himself (and Todd, by association) that he had every right to break into Peanutbutter's office in search of 'real' food. This was a harder task to complete than he'd imagined. With the booze and the blonde's pills and the more booze, Bojack could barely distinguish which door in the house was which. He also had to keep reminding himself that he wasn't in his own house (this after pissing in a corner and saying, “It's fine, it's my house," to no one in particular. He was determined not to make the same mistake again. At least not tonight.)
Bojack was still fumbling for doorknobs in the dark when he heard Diane's voice cry out.
“ It huuuuuurts…. It hurts!"
“Diane?!" Bojack yelled. Was she in danger? He stumbled towards the sound of her voice, breaking into a drunken gallop as he searched for his friend. Finally, he followed her voice upstairs, finding Diane and Peanutbutter's bedroom unlocked.
He threw the door open. “What's going on? Diane, are you okay, are you - Oh. “
“Oh, heyyyy... Bojack!"
Bojack could scarcely believe what he was seeing. The contrast between Diane's calm greeting and the position she was in was ridiculous.
Diane was kneeling on her bed completely nude, her body spread-eagled in Bojack's direction. He could see her face almost level with his, sitting on her husband below, two furry canine legs visible between her pale thighs.
In this position Bojack could see clearly her smallish round breasts, the nipples pointed directly at him, dark pink circles against her pale skin. He could see her peach-colored pussy, dripping pink with sweat and her own juices. Below her open slit, a red, fleshy dog knot glistened between her legs.
Bojack felt his cock stiffen in his jeans. Diane had almost an entire dog cock buried up her ass - for the first time, by the sound of it.
“Uh…"
“Bojack! Hey! We're uh…. trying something new!" barked a familiar voice from behind Diane. This explanation did nothing to calm Bojack, who was now unsure whether he should be trying to help Diane off of her husband or if he was being invited to a threesome. He looked to Diane's face for clues.
Diane seemed... happy. She was clearly very drunk and enjoying herself. Beads of sweat were running down her forehead, strands of hair stuck to her face from her wet exertion. In her own way, she looked very beautiful.
“I should go." Bojack mumbled.
“I-It's okay Bojack, you don't have to go…" Diane slurred.
“Uh honey, are you sure?"
“Yeah, it's okay…" She said, wiggling a little over her husband's cock, “We're trying newww things... "
“Uhh…"
Bojack wasn't sure quite what was going on, but he knew an invitation to a threesome when he heard one. His cock wasn't getting any softer staring at the two of them, either. Bojack unzipped his jeans.
“ So we're uh, we're doing this! Okay!" Peanutbutter yelped from behind his wife.
“Fffuck…" Diane slurred, looking at Bojack's cock for the first time.
Bojack may have been smaller than his his wild ancestors, but not by much. Diane could see clearly all 14 inches of horsecock as it was exposed, the shaft lined with veins, tip already drooling precum. Peanutbutter could only guess, positioned beneath his wife's body as he was.
“So, uh, boundaries." Peanutbutter stated as Bojack pulled off his clothes and climbed onto the bed bed beside them. “Diane- My wife, isn't really into anything too rough, so no slapping, hair-pulling, none of that. Also no name-calling, she definitely doesn't like it when you-"
“Yeah whatever" Bojack burped. He'd never seen Diane this way before, and he wasn't going to miss this for the world. Her milky white skin, perfect breasts, legs parted and dripping pussy were all ready for his cock.
He knelt down and pushed his flared cockhead agaisnt her pussy, spreading her wet cunt wide to fit. Diane gasped as he pushed her open. That first thrust stretched her wider than she'd ever been before.
“Never fucked a horse before, huh…" Bojack grunted. He was obviously much bigger than she was used to. He could tell. He gave a short thrust forward, sinking a few inches in, savoring the look of her pussy stretched wide around the thick, round head of his cock. She was already dripping wet. He pushed forward again, a little harder this time, and her tight pussy closed around the head of his cock, easily taking more of his length and wanting more.
Moments later the normally cold, sardonic, impossible-to-please Diane was panting and writhing like a hormone-addled whore, animal cock in both her holes. Bojack took advantage of her eagerness to push further, sinking his cock in a few more inches with each thrust. Her stomach slightly bulged as she was stretched, with the canine cock thrusting further into her ass with each of Bojack's thrusts, rubbing against and stimulating Bojack's massive cock through Diane's inner wall.
Diane had never been so filled. She let out a hungry moan and spread her legs further, twitching with exertion and pleasure as she gave her holes over to her animal lovers.
Peanutbutter could hear his wife's moans of enjoyment. She wasn't complaining about being shared, and as Bojack's hips pressed his wife up against his own penis, Peanutbutter was feeling pretty good too. The thick, massive horsecock rubbed against him through his wife, pressing her tight against his cock. He matched his thrusts with Bojack's,sliding deeper into Diane's ass until the beginning of his knot pressed against her hole. He'd had difficulty getting his fist-sized knot into Diane's pussy before- but Peanutbutter was determined to get it into her ass now. The labrador jerked his hips upward, matching Bojack's zeal with his own. He could feel Bojack's balls slapping against his with each thrust - he could only imagine how big they were compared to his.
But the yellow labrador had more important things to think about. Diane moaned loudly, her ass suddenly relaxing, becoming the slippery fuck-hole he dreamed of. Her pussy had always been tight, but her ass felt ready to take his entire knot in a single thrust. Peanutbutter took his chance, pushing as hard as he could up into his wife's ass. He wanted to lock with her, to breed her, to see her completely stretched around his knotted dick - and he was almost there when suddenly his cock met resistance and started to slip out.
“OH GOD it's so BIG! Fuck me Bojack! Fuuuuck!"
“That's it, take it, take it like a whore-"
“Language!" Barked PB, trying to time his thrusts so he could stay in his wife while Bojack jackhammered his cock in and out of her pussy. He was making it difficult, filling up all the space in his wife with his huge horsecock so that he could barely keep inside her. Diane twitched and squeezed around both the animal cocks inside of her, which felt amazing, but only made it harder for Peanutbutter as Bojack's powerful thrusts lifted Diane up and off of her husband. Peanutbutter felt his cock slip out, pushed aside by the thrusting stallion on top of them. Oblivious as to what had just happened, the two rolled onto the bed and continued fucking, leaving her husband to the role of voyeur.
And what a view he had. No longer blocked by his wife's body, Peanutbutter could see every inch of Bojack's massive cock fucking his wife's pussy as he towered over her. Bojack's balls easily dwarfed his, giving no mistake as to who the stallion was in the room.
Bojack was now pounding Diane as he could, each time bringing his flaring cockhead as deep as it could go, pushing up against her cervix with each thrust. She moaned in response, spreading her legs wide and practically drooling with pleasure. Diane had never fucked a horse before, but she was taking it like a champ.
Bojack could tell Diane had wanted him to fuck her before this. He knew she wanted him. Just like everyone else did. Yeah, thought Bojack, She's always wanted to fuck me. He could feel Diane getting wetter, her pussy affirming his thoughts about her, her thrusts against him desperate and erratic. Diane needed him to fuck her like a wild animal, and he was glad to do it.
Diane hit her limit. She clutched Bojack's hips and moaned, arching her back as orgasm took her. Her pussy squeezed around Bojack's cock, milking him and massaging around the ring of his cock as she rode out her orgasm. Bojack felt her body shiver beneath him, pulling him close as she writhed in absolute bliss. It felt so good, and he was getting close. He managed a few more short, twitching thrusts before his tail started flagging, fully exposing the heavy balls that were about to release into Peanutbutter's wife.
Peanutbutter saw Bojack's tail start to flag. Should he do something? His cock dangled uselessly between his legs - there was no question of getting back into his wife's ass. Maybe he could-
“Oh, FUCK!" Bojack groaned as the first hot bursts of cum erupted from his cock. Pushed as deep as he could go in her pussy, there was no question who Diane's next child would belong to. Bojack could feel his hot cum pooling inside her as each squirt filled her. Her cervix twitched against the flared head of his cock, accepting a flood of horse cum directly into her unprotected womb. If Diane knew what had happened, she didn't seem to care, her legs wrapped around his hips as if desperate to get even more horsecock into her small body. She let out a squeal of pleasure, twitching as the horsecum began to spill out of her, the huge amount too much for her small body to hold.
Bojack twitched against Diane's body as the last few spurts of cum left him. She let out a small, happy moan, running her fingers through Bojack's sweaty fur as his cum started flowing out of her pussy, giving warm, tingly pleasure to Bojacks' softening cock.
He felt amazing. Why hadn't they done this sooner? Bojack gently nuzzled his head into Diane's hair and immediately fell asleep, his half-erect cock still buried in her cum soaked cunt.
“Uh, guys? Guys?" Peanutbutter asked, prodding the drunken couple on his bed with a cautious paw. The only response was a loud snore from Diane. They were completely passed out. As Peanutbutter looked over the two, he noticed a huge amount of horsecum dripping out of his wife's pussy. Fuck, he thought. Not once had he thought to mention condoms. As he watched the sticky white pool between Diane's thighs spill out onto the sheets, Peanutbutter could only imagine how much cum was still inside her - and what the consequences would be tomorrow morning.