FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

He was sitting on his sofa with his feet up on the coffee table, just as he always did when he wanted to relax after a long, busy day. In his right hand, he held an ice-cold, freshly opened can of beer, whose tart, hoppy aroma was already wafting up to his nose and making his mouth water. Nelli had made herself comfortable next to him and rested her head relaxed on his lap, while his left hand rested gently on the back of her neck, stroking her softly.

It was a ritual that had quickly become a habit after Nelli moved in with him. He’d come home after work, take off his shoes, set down his jacket, keys, and phone, walk into the living room, and sit down on the sofa; she’d bring him his after-work beer and join him. The rest of the evening was wasted watching trash TV until he mustered the energy to make dinner.

But they weren’t quite there yet today; first, it was time for a little trash TV.

“Hmmm, what do you want to watch today?”

he asked gently, scratching her behind the ear while Nelli fumbled for the remote.

“I want to watch shopping TV ‒ it’s always so wonderfully silly.”

She replied, trying to turn on the TV but struggling with the tiny buttons. When she finally gave up after a few attempts, she huffed in frustration and grumbled as she handed him the remote, which was too small for her clumsy paws.

“Should I have bought you that Dragon Universal Remote they advertised last week?”

he joked as he turned on the TV and selected the desired channel. Nelli wasn’t amused and nipped at her “owner” ‒

as humans still called themselves, even though “employee” or “servant” would probably be a more fitting term. After all, he didn’t work overtime for nothing; he did it to fulfill “all” of “her” wishes, and ultimately, he brought the money home to “her” to fill “her” hoard, as she called her apartment, with all sorts of things ‒ and above all, food.

“Ouch… that wasn’t necessary!”

Cried the so-called “owner,” rubbing his thigh, where her small but needle-sharp teeth had just been embedded. By now she knew exactly how hard she could pinch him before actually hurting him ‒ after all, she didn’t want him to be unable to work. It was solely about teaching him a little lesson.

“Yes, it was… you should have bought that TV, the one with voice control!”

Protested the ‒ admittedly ‒ tiny green dragoness lounging next to him, already baring her teeth again. He quickly held his hand over his thigh before Nelli could get any silly ideas.

“Hey, you know exactly why that won’t work. I just don’t make enough to buy you a TV that costs more than two of my monthly salaries, just so you can reprogram it to Draconian and keep me from watching my shows.”

He replied, and was rewarded with a surprisingly deep growl.

“You’re not supposed to watch those weird meat-show movies. I’m the only female being in your life. PERIOD! End of discussion!”

Nelli hissed, delivering a few more light nibbles, careful to tease her “servant” without hurting him unnecessarily. He started squealing and laughing as he desperately tried to fend off the attacks from his little flying lizard without spilling his beer.

After another moment, she finally took pity on him, rested her head on his lap again, and nudged his hand with her nose. He took a deep breath and placed his free hand back on her neck, where he continued to stroke her smooth, supple scales. It wasn’t long before Nelli purred contentedly and snuggled closer to him. It wasn’t that she didn’t like this hairless monkey ‒ quite the opposite, in fact; she was more than glad that this human had chosen her when he came to the dragon rescue center. Who would want a green dragon with crippled wings… apparently, a human who was lonely and needed someone to keep him company.

The theme song of her favorite shopping show snapped her out of her thoughts before she could dwell on them any further.

…

The camera hovered over the studio, showing a wide shot of the elaborately designed set, while the theme song played in the background and a voiceover introduced the show’s two hosts:

“And here they are again, our charming Viola and our dashing Harry, and they’ve brought another colorful bouquet of great deals for you. Buckle up, dear viewers, because this roller coaster is just getting started.”

With that, the camera zoomed back across the set and toward the two hosts, dressed in expensive designer clothes, who emerged through a stylized door at the back of the studio, already smiling broadly. They looked into the camera and began their well-rehearsed and choreographed dance with the camera.

“Hello and a warm welcome, my dear viewers at home watching on your screens. My lovely colleague Viola and I have once again prepared many special offers for you today…”

Harry began in an artificially excited tone, gesturing toward Viola, who had already walked a few steps further and positioned herself at a counter where several items covered with red cloth lay.

“... oh yes, you can say that again, Harry. We have so many useful everyday items on offer for you today that I can already predict our lines will be ringing off the hook. So, if you see even one product on today’s show that interests you, don’t hesitate ‒ order it right away.”

Viola commented with a winning smile as she pointedly looked over at her co-host, who immediately took over again.

“That’s right, my dear ‒ our viewers definitely shouldn’t hesitate today. The last time we had such a top-notch lineup, we sold out right during the show. It was absolutely insane. But why don’t you tell the viewers what we have in store for them today?”

Asked Harry, who was moving leisurely through the studio, passing by the individual sections that had been set up to showcase the various offers. Meanwhile, Viola nodded eagerly from behind her counter and placed her hands on the first, still-covered product in front of her.

“Oh Harry, you’re going to love it. Later, Vergil from Deluxe Panther will stop by and introduce us to their latest product, a smart panty… I was, as always, a little cheeky and took a peek at it already… I know who’s going to place a big order later.”

She practically called out to her colleague, who had just reached the other end of the studio.

“Oh wow, that sounds interesting!”

He replied, standing in front of a large steel door. Meanwhile, Viola moved on to the next item.

“Oh yes, very much so, but first let’s welcome an old friend of ours. Cathrin from Winged-Logistics is coming by and will show us how we can make life a little more comfortable for our dragons.”

The host explained, turning toward a door in the background, which was dramatically opened to let in a middle-aged woman who entered the studio smiling and waving cheerfully. Harry, who was still standing in another section of the studio, walked quickly over to the two women and greeted Cathrin in a cheerful voice:

“Oh, Cathrin, it’s so nice to have you back here in the studio.”

Cathrin waved and blew him a kiss as she made her way over to Viola at the counter and hugged the host.

“Yes, I’m also happy to be visiting you both again ‒ it’s been far too long.”

She exclaimed, flashing a broad, clearly forced smile at the camera.

Of course, it was all just an act, but that was just part of the job.

While Harry joined them, Viola delved a little deeper into the small talk.

“Tell me, Cathrin, what was the last product you introduced to us?”

Cathrin raised her hand and counted off on her fingers for maximum audience impact:

“Well, the last time I was here, I presented our modular harness system, which lets you use your dragon much more effectively as a shopping assistant…”

She began, and Viola immediately chimed in:

“Oh yes, I remember ‒ an absolute bestseller; we sold out right there on the air back then…”

She commented, and her guest nodded eagerly.

“Mhm, we had real shipping problems for quite a while. Customers snatched them right out of our hands as soon as they were back in stock. After that, I introduced the Flight-Goggles Pilot easy pro on your show…”

This time it was Harry who spoke up:

“Oh yeah, I even bought two of those myself, and I’ve never regretted it.”

Cathrin grinned.

“By the way, how’s Schmaugi-Snaugi doing? I hope he’s in the best of health.”

Harry couldn’t quite hold back a laugh at that question.

“Oh, don’t ever let him hear that nickname, or he might really get mad. But I can tell you, the little guy is doing great, and we use the goggles on every outing.”

He replied, mimicking the act of putting on the flight goggles, while the two women laughed heartily.

“Yes, ha ha ha, that’s how it should be. Of course, we can’t forget the Joyride either ‒ a true masterpiece from our research department that customers are still buying in large quantities.”

Cathrin explained, mimicking a rider at a gallop. Once again, cheerful laughter broke out among the hosts.

“Oh yeah, exactly ‒ how could anyone forget that? But enough of those old stories ‒ what have you brought us today? I’m sooo curious.”

Replied Viola, and Harry nodded eagerly as well. The representative from Winged-Logistics stepped up to the counter, clasped her hands, and took a deep breath before beginning her explanation:

“Well, I need to back up a bit first. As you all surely know, here at Winged-Logistics, we primarily rely on green dragons for our deliveries. Not only because their color matches our logo so well, but above all because green dragons are generally more approachable, less aggressive, and significantly easier to train. We do have a few blue and red dragons on the payroll, but the vast majority of our delivery dragons actually have green scales.”

She began, and Viola nodded, while Harry interjected:

“Well, I can’t complain about aggression issues with my red dragon. Smaug is a very well-behaved little dragon.”

The host explained, and Cathrin grinned broadly at him.

“Well, it’s hard to compare a little pet dragon to a full-grown Archon dragon. Our dragons generally weigh between 4 and 6 metric tons and could gobble you up as a snack, any time between noon and midday.”

She retorted with a mischievous grin, causing Harry to chuckle nervously.

“So, as I’m sure you all know, green dragons are primarily found in forested areas. Temperate climates, mild winters, warm summers, but no extreme temperatures. We all know that dragons are essentially reptiles that can only regulate their body temperature to a limited extent.”

She restated the obvious for the audience before switching fully into teacher mode:

“Red dragons are adapted to the hot climate of desert regions and volcanoes, and thanks to their own fire, they can manage for a while even in cold regions. Blue dragons, on the other hand, are adapted to the harsh climate of high mountains and Arctic regions, but they reach their limits in hotter areas.”

She explained, raising a warning finger.

“With green dragons ‒ which, as we know, don’t have their own fire ‒ the situation is quite different. In harsher weather conditions, they quickly reach their limits and can no longer be deployed.”

She concluded her lesson, and Harry immediately chimed in again:

“That’s right ‒ green dragons spit acid, don’t they?”

He asked, but Cathrin shook her head in denial.

“Not exactly acid. It’s a mixture of their gastric juices and a secretion from one of the glands in their throats. It’s highly toxic, corrosive, and serves to blind and disorient potential opponents. But we’re getting off track.”

She replied, and the two hosts nodded in agreement.

“So, back to the topic: Since our green dragons can only handle extreme hot and cold temperatures to a limited extent, we’ve tasked our R&D department with finding a solution to this problem. At first, we thought we could simply modify those climate vests that can both heat and cool…”

She began, and once again it was Harry who practically cut her off:

“Oh yeah, those are great ‒ I wear them almost every day so I don’t sweat so much…”

He chattered, pulling up his shirt and pointing to the garment crisscrossed with tiny tubes. Viola pointed at him, giggling.

“Look, look, he can’t handle the pressure.”

She joked, and her guest couldn’t argue with that; instead, she continued.

“... Yes, those are exactly the vests I’m talking about. We had some prototypes built that should have fit our dragons in terms of size, but our tests revealed that the dragons couldn’t tolerate the vests. They interfered with flight, caused wind turbulence, and hindered the free movement of their wings. On top of that, the batteries needed to power these cooling vests were simply too heavy and reduced the dragons’ carrying capacity so much that it was just no longer economical to use them.”

She explained, pointing to a sort of tent that had been set up a little further back on the stage. Viola looked over at the structure and blinked in disbelief.

“What, is that one of those vests?”

She asked, looking back at Cathrin. Cathrin nodded.

“Yes, in fact, I brought one of the prototypes with me so you can get an idea of what it’s like. So we needed a different solution for our ‒ or rather, the problem of our dragons."

She continued, turning to the left before motioning for the two of them to follow her as she walked slowly through the stage set to the area they had prepared for her product.

“As you surely know, it’s common practice to run cold water over your wrists to cool off on hot days.”

Cathrin explained, demonstrating the process at a sink by holding her wrists under the running water, while the two hosts nodded eagerly.

“Yes, exactly ‒ that’s what my grandma always did when it was this hot.”

Viola agreed and joined Cathrin.

“But how are you supposed to run cold water over a dragon’s wrists in the desert?”

She asked, pointing to her guest’s wrists as the guest, grinning broadly, turned off the faucet and reached for a towel lying ready next to the sink.

“That’s an excellent question ‒ and one our product developers asked themselves as well. They came up with the brilliant idea of designing bracelets that use a tube to pump chilled water from a reservoir and circulate it around our dragons’ wrists before pumping it back into the reservoir.”

She explained, beckoning her two TV shopping hosts over to another table where something was still covered by a cloth.

“Oh, did you bring it for us?”

Harry asked, reaching for the cloth, but Cathrin gave him a tap on the fingers before raising her index finger in warning.

“Yes, as you know, I like to bring new toys to the show, but I have to warn you ‒ this is a prototype that might not be quite ready yet.”

She said, placing her hands conspiratorially on the red velvet.

“Unfortunately, we’ve had to conclude that this idea isn’t suitable for our dragons either. The bracelet is too big and too bulky to be used effectively, and on top of that, the cooling performance was too severely limited by our dragons’ scaly skin. We couldn’t significantly improve the cooling performance without further increasing the device’s size and weight, which ruled it out for the same reason as the cooling vest.”

Cathrin explained, slowly pulling the velvet cloth off the device sitting on the table. Both Harry and Viola looked at it with a mixture of genuine fascination and feigned admiration.

For a prototype, it already looked surprisingly ready for mass production. The casing was made of a mixture of carbon fiber and aluminum ‒ an effort to save weight ‒ and there were two viewing windows in the casing revealing a dark blue liquid reminiscent of the cooling gel so commonly found in cold packs. The inner sleeve appeared to be made of some kind of synthetic fabric, and a few small LEDs were flashing here and there.

All in all, it looked like a futuristic brace you’d wear if you’d sprained your arm or leg, and Harry could understand why the Dragons considered it too bulky. Carefully, he slipped his hand into the opening ‒ which was much too large for a human ‒ and felt the fabric inside.

“Well, it’s definitely cold.”

He admitted after his examination, and Cathrin confirmed his assessment.

“Oh yes, it works wonderfully, and we’ll probably actually use it in a modified form for our ground crew, but unfortunately, it’s unsuitable for our courier dragons.”

She explained, carefully covering the prototype again. Viola looked at her skeptically and raised her hand slightly.

“So, if that’s not the product, then what is it?”

She asked, looking around but seeing no further product demonstration ‒ only Cathrin’s devilish grin as she slipped her hand into her jacket pocket.

“Well, I know how curious you can be, so I brought the product straight to the studio so you couldn’t sneak a peek!”

She said with a mischievous glee, and while Viola was still struggling not to show her indignation too openly, Cathrin pulled her hand out of her jacket pocket again.

What she was now holding in her hand looked a lot like a large sex toy.

“I present to you the Cooler Vent 3000 Ultra Max.”

Cathrin announced with the practiced tone of a market crier touting the latest and greatest product. Viola’s comment got stuck in her throat, while Harry gasped briefly. Neither of them had expected this, which seemed to truly delight Cathrin. She turned the phallus over and over in her hands so that the camera could see it from every conceivable angle.

Its smooth, black casing gleamed under the light of the studio spotlights, making it difficult to determine the object’s true surface texture. At the top, it tapered to a slight pear shape, while at the bottom of the device there were three ring-shaped bulges.

Cathrin cradled it in the crook of her arm, as one might carry a large bottle, and beckoned the two hosts over to her.

Harry was the first to snap out of his state of shock and find his voice again:

“Please tell me that’s not what it looks like.”

He pleaded, stepping closer to get a better look at the Cooler Vent 3000 Ultra Max, while Viola still seemed completely dumbfounded. Her guest, on the other hand, grinned and nodded cheerfully.

“Oh yes, it is, and to top it all off, it works exactly as you’re imagining right now.”

She explained, placing the phallus in Harry’s hand. He took it carefully and examined it more closely. Meanwhile, Viola shook her head and joined the other two.

“And… and the dragons tolerate… that?”

She finally asked, pointing to the device in her colleague’s hands, who seemed to be delighted like a little child and kept running his hand over its surface. Cathrin nodded and made an inviting gesture toward the large steel door that marked the end of the stage set.

“Oh, they don’t just tolerate it ‒ they love it. Come on, let me show you.”

She announced, striding quickly over to the large airlock, where she handed each of the hosts one of the thick jackets hanging next to the door.

Both took the jackets and slipped them over their designer costumes; they looked terribly silly in the bright orange down jackets, but also Cathrin, who was wearing the same jacket, seemed completely out of place in the warm studio. Then, however, she opened the airlock, and the freezing cold air from inside the cold chamber fell like fog onto the stage.

“It’s minus forty degrees in there. That’s colder than most of the areas we even fly to with our dragons.”

She explained, and started to enter the chamber, but when she saw the two of them hesitate, she grinned.

“So, I also have a version for smaller races, if you ever want one for testing purposes?!”

She offered with a wink, but both hosts waved her off vigorously and giggled sheepishly. Cathrin nodded knowingly and then entered the chamber, followed by Harry and Viola, as well as a cameraman.

The cold chamber was larger on the inside than one would have expected from the outside. The walls and floor were made of mesh panels, behind which the cooling fins and the chamber’s machinery were hidden; pipes ran along the ceiling, and several fluorescent tubes flooded the interior with a cold white light, while in the middle of the room stood a huge block of ice on which a large, green dragon lay dozing.

Anyone who knew even the slightest bit about these lizards knew that at these temperatures ‒ if it were still alive at all ‒ a green dragon would be huddled tightly in a corner, trembling like a leaf, but not this one. The flying lizard lay stretched out on the ice and seemed completely relaxed as it watched the new arrivals through half-closed eyes.

“Normally, we would never expose a green dragon to such conditions, but we’ve received written permission from him. May I introduce you to Kronkh?”

Cathrin asked, leading her companions to the dragon, whose eyes were now slowly opening a little wider. Viola stared at the majestic creature with her mouth agape, while Harry smiled as he stepped closer to get a better look at the dragon.

“As you can see, Kronkh is a green dragon, and as I’ve already explained, green dragons generally can’t produce enough body heat to function under these conditions. Under normal circumstances, he’d already be frozen stiff… but I think…”

She continued, gently stroking the dragon’s large, broad nose, which was rewarded with a contented grunt.

“...we can agree that he’s doing pretty well right now.”

She finally concluded, turning to the hosts, who were both staring at her with a mixture of curiosity and amazement.

“But… but how?”

Viola finally asked, and Harry nodded eagerly.

“Didn’t you say the Cooling Vent 3000 Ultra Max is meant to cool a dragon down? I mean, it doesn’t really get any colder than it is in here…”

The host added, stamping his foot as the cold slowly crept up his legs, but Cathrin just grinned and nodded.

“Oh yes, but that’s the second-best feature of our product ‒ it can be used for both situations. It cools your blue dragons in the desert and warms your green dragons in the Arctic. It ensures a comfortable climate in every situation and helps our scaly friends regulate their body temperature to the exact degree at all times.”

The representative explained, pulling another small device out of her pocket.

“Each of our Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max units comes with this small transponder, which clips behind the wearer’s ear. It not only transmits telemetry data to the base station but also allows the dragon to configure its Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max via voice control. This allows us at the logistics center ‒ or our customers from their own homes ‒ to monitor all of the wearer’s data. Heart rate, temperatures, blood pressure, and the tracking data from the integrated GPS receiver are transmitted to the base station in real time. And don’t worry ‒ of course, this data is encrypted using an end-to-end process and 128-bit encryption. No one ‒ not even us ‒ can intercept or decrypt this data; only the customer who owns the base station associated with the transponder can do so.”

She extolled the features and functions of her product, never losing her smile, while it was slowly but surely becoming apparent that the cold was getting to the two hosts ‒ even the cameraman was having trouble keeping the camera steady. Cathrin, on the other hand, remained unfazed by the cold and waited for her hosts’ questions.

“That… that all sounds wonderful, and I’m assuming that this transponder and the base station are probably the best features of this invention?”

Asked Viola, her voice trembling slightly, and Harry emphasized the question with an expectant nod, but before Cathrin could answer, the dragon’s rough, deep voice filled the room.

“Wrong… by far the best feature of this device is the reward function…”

Kronkh growled contentedly and stretched with relish, while Harry turned to Cathrin.

“Reward function?”

“If the dragon has done its job well, you can trigger a reward from the base station.”

Explained Cathrin, and her statement was underscored by a deep, contented growl emitted by the dragon behind her. Viola blinked, and Harry shook his head.

“You can’t be serious…”

It practically burst out of him, while a very faint hum could be heard in the background.

“You can’t be serious…”

It practically burst out of him, while a very faint buzzing could be heard in the background.

“Yes… it vibrates… there are ten different settings.”

Cathrin admitted with a giggle and turned to Kronkh once more:

“Be a dear and lift your leg a little, Kronkh, so the audience can get a quick peek at it.”

She asked the green flying lizard. Kronkh looked at her with a slight smile and grumbled something about privacy, but then complied with her request anyway, turning slightly onto his side and lifting his hind leg. The Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max immediately caught the eye of the interested spectators, as its matte black color stood out sharply against the dragon’s pale green scales. It was practically flush with the surface, and now that Kronkh had lifted his leg, the hum of the device could be heard even more clearly.

“Thanks, Kronkh, you can relax again.”

Cathrin said, turning back to Harry and Viola, who were both standing there with their mouths agape.

“Ooooh… Oh wow…”

Viola stammered, and in his mind’s eye, Harry compared the device in his arms to the one that was so obviously inserted into Kronkh.

“Yeah, it’s quite a sight.”

Cathrin remarked, stroking the dragon’s broad nose, which he acknowledged with a contented grunt.

“And… and he just accepts this Cooling Vent… just like that…?”

Harry asked, examining the device, which was longer and thicker than his forearm, but Cathrin just grinned and nodded.

“As a rule, the dragons tolerate it. Of course, you should exercise a little caution, especially the first time you insert it ‒ or you can let the dragon do it itself. Most of our dragons take their units on their own right at the start of their shift…”

She explained, mimicking the insertion of the phallus, causing Viola to gasp.

“Should Kronkh demonstrate it for you?”

She asked with a giggle, but both Harry and Viola shook their heads vehemently. The representative from Winged Logistics had actually wanted to talk a little more about Kronkh and the Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max, but she caught Viola casting a furtive glance toward the airlock. She took pity on the hosts and pointed to the saving opening in the room.

“I think we’ll continue our conversation outside… see you later, Kronkh.”

She said, bidding farewell to the dragon, who nodded with a gentle smile before resting his head back on the ice. Meanwhile, Cathrin led her small entourage out of the cold chamber and closed the airlock behind the cameraman.

Once they were all back outside, the feed switched back to one of the large, stationary cameras, and the three of them took off their jackets; while Harry and Viola were clearly struggling with the aftereffects of their time in the cold chamber, Cathrin seemed completely unaffected by it.

Finally, it was Harry who was the first to bring this up:

“So… um… it didn’t escape my notice that the cold in the chamber didn’t bother you any more than it did Kronkh. Please tell me you’re not using a Cooler Vent 3000 ultra max right now.”

The grin on Cathrin’s lips spoke louder than a thousand words.

“Well, then I won’t tell you.”

She replied with a brief giggle, clearly enjoying how the host across from her gasped for air, while Viola simply covered her mouth with her hand and stared at the camera in shock.

“I told you, I have models for smaller races, too.”

She added, making sure Harry took another gasp-filled look at the device in his hands.

You could literally see the little cogs turning in his head as the realization slowly sank in. When he finally pointed at the phallus in his hands and then at Cathrin, she burst out laughing.

“Ha ha ha ha ha … you should see your face right now. Hopefully the cameras are capturing this for the viewers and preserving it for eternity.”

With that comment, one of the studio’s cameras swiveled around and showed a close-up of the flustered host, whose cheeks turned deep red with astonishing speed. The Winged-Logistics representative waved it off with a giggle and turned to Viola, who still had her hand over her mouth.

“Don’t worry, the model I’m wearing is significantly smaller and not quite as powerful.”

She explained, pulling another Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max out of her pocket, which was indeed significantly smaller and more of a size that even a normal person could still wear “comfortably.” She held it between her thumb and index finger and showed it to the camera.

“The model that Harry is so affectionately holding to his chest is the size we use for our dragons weighing up to four metric tons. It’s capable of keeping a dragon operational between minus forty and plus sixty-five degrees for about five to six hours; after that, the built-in charger takes about fifty minutes to recharge the internal battery to eighty percent. A full charge takes about two and a half hours.”

Cathrin explained, pointing to the smaller model in her hand.

“This one is our second-smallest size. It’s designed for dragons weighing up to about seventy-five kilograms, and yes, it can also protect a person from heatstroke or hypothermia. However, due to its size, the battery life for this model is limited to about two hours, and you’ll need an external charger. On the other hand, the battery is fully charged again in just over thirty minutes.”

She continued, ignoring the hosts for a moment as they were still trying to compose themselves.

Finally, Viola came to her senses and turned to Cathrin.

“Well, that’s all very… interesting… enlightening… and the fact that… women can also use this device…”

The host didn’t get any further before Cathrin turned to her and grinned broadly.

“Well, don’t worry, this model works very well for men, too. It’s almost like a suppository…”

She began, glancing at Harry, to whom the Cooling Vent in his arms suddenly felt so much heavier.

“…it doesn’t hurt at all.”

She added, not without a touch of schadenfreude, whereupon Harry shook his head vigorously.

“Oh no, I don’t think I’m cold anymore, but thank you very much for the offer. Why don’t you take a moment to explain to our esteemed viewers what you have to offer them, while I very carefully set this priceless prototype down here.”

Replied the host, setting the phallus down on one of the tables before walking ‒ somewhat stiffly ‒ over to Cathrin, who was waiting for two studio staff members to roll a counter toward her, on which several bundles had been laid out representing today’s offers.

“That’s a great idea, Harry, so let’s see what deals I’ve brought you this time.”

she began, stepping behind the first small package, which contained two of the smaller Cooling Vents, a small black box, and two transponders.

“First, we have our little starter package here, consisting of two Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max XS units, a base station, and two transponders paired with it‒and, of course, the corresponding chargers. This package is perfect for anyone who has one or two small kites, or…”

with a wink toward the host to her left.

“…maybe never want to feel cold themselves again. It’s ready to use right out of the box and requires no further installation. Plug-and-play, so to speak. Then we come to our second package. Here we have a Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max XS and one in size M, which should fit most dragons that can still be considered pets. Of course, this package is also rounded out with a base station and the necessary accessories.”

Cathrin explained, cupping the second package in her hands ‒ its second phallus was already significantly larger, but perhaps still just within the realm of what an ambitious person could handle ‒ but then she took another step to the right and presented the last package, which was waiting on the table.

“And last but definitely not least, we have our large package here, consisting of an original Cooling Vent 3000 Ultra Max in size L, including the corresponding base station and the required transponder. This Cooling Vent 3000 Ultra Max was developed for Archon dragons weighing four metric tons or more and is definitely not suitable for other species …”

She explained with a winning smile.

“…though, of course, we can’t force that on you.”

She added with a quick sideways glance, and Harry chuckled nervously while Viola moved to stand on Cathrin’s other side and examined the offer with wide eyes.

“That all sounds nice, but how much does it cost?”

She asked, completely in her element, and her guest nodded eagerly while holding her hands protectively over the largest package.

“That’s a valid question, of course ‒ let me explain. This, our large standard package, costs our viewers just 369.99, including shipping, today only as part of our super special offer. A real bargain for a device that makes your dragon’s life so much easier.”

She explained, and Viola nodded as she looked at a little card she pulled from her costume.

“That sounds nice, but can’t you throw in a little something extra? I mean, 370 bucks is still a lot of money, and keeping a big dragon isn’t cheap to begin with.”

Viola remarked, and Harry nodded as he rubbed his thumb and index finger together. Cathrin just grinned and shook her head.

“Oh, you two are worse than the welfare office, but sure, I’ll throw in a little extra. Anyone who orders before the end of our broadcast will get a second Cooling Vent 3000 Ultra Max L on top of that.”

She said, quickly moving on to the next package before Viola could take advantage of her any further. Of course, it had all been planned in advance, as was always the case on these shows. When she stood in front of the middle package, she made a sweeping gesture.

“This little gem also comes in at 369.99, but before you start complaining, don’t forget ‒ it’s actually two Cooling Vents right from the start, including all the accessories needed to run them.”

She explained, but Viola still pressed the issue.

“Yes, there are two, but they’re the smaller models. Come on, Cathrin, sweetie, make it a little more appealing to our customers.”

The host demanded with a predatory smile, and her guest couldn’t help but grin.

“Oh, I’m telling you, you’re a bunch of crooks! My boss is going to hate me, but all right, I’ll make this offer a little more appealing for you, too. I’ll throw in another Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max in size M on top of that, so that interested buyers can equip another dragon with it.”

The representative offered, pointing to the base station in the package.

“By the way, you can run up to sixteen Cooling Vents per base station, and you can easily assign any additional Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max to a base station. It basically works just like your Bluetooth headphones. You press this little button here on the device and then this one here on the Cooling Vent.”

She explained, briefly demonstrating the process before moving on to the last package. The smallest of the package deals was already waiting for the trio, and this time it was Harry who cut Cathrin off before she could even begin.

“The other deals were pretty nice, but I’m curious to see what you have to offer us here.”

The host chattered, and Cathrin nodded slowly.

“Yes, this little package offers many great options for interested customers. We can offer this package for the incredible price of just 333.99, and since I know you’re going to ask me anyway, I’ll tell you right now: If customers order this package while the show is still on the air, I’ll not only throw in two extra cooling vents, but also a care kit.”

She said with complete conviction and was rewarded with an enthusiastic nod from the hosts.

“We’ve already opened the lines for you, dear viewers; the numbers for the individual packages will now be displayed at the bottom of the screen. Don’t hesitate, because we only have limited quantities in stock. Once they’re gone, they’re gone!”

Viola explained to the camera, pointing downward to where the bottom of the screen would be.

“Did I actually mention that the Cooling Vent 3000 Ultra Max comes with a five-year warranty?”

Asked the representative from Winged Logistics, and Viola shook her head.

“No, you didn’t, but that’s good to know. Five years is quite a long time for a device like this,”

she remarked, and her counterpart nodded eagerly.

“Yes, we’re so confident in the quality of our products that we don’t just offer the standard two-year warranty‒we provide a full five-year all-inclusive warranty right off the bat,”

Cathrin confirmed, nodding at the camera.

“Whether the battery dies, the radio module gives out, the reward feature can’t be turned off, or your dragon has been using the Cooling Vent 3000 Ultra Max as a chew toy ‒ just contact our customer service, and one of our courier dragons will bring you a replacement right away.”

She counted off on her fingers with a smile, while Harry behind her mouthed a “Wow.”

“That’s the kind of customer-friendliness we’ve come to expect from you ‒ I’m thrilled.”

Viola agreed, giving a double thumbs-up. Meanwhile, Cathrin nodded contentedly at the camera and then turned to the host.

“Yes, we’re quite proud of our customer satisfaction.”

Harry looked over the individual offers once more and then raised his hand questioningly.

“So, Cathrin, we now know what this device can do and how to use it in theory, and I find the offers you’ve made us really appealing, but one question comes to mind…”

He began, and Cathrin turned to face him.

“But of course you can also use it for lonely hours at night. I recommend reward level six or seven.”

She replied before he could even ask his actual question, and Viola burst out laughing, while Harry’s ears began to turn red. It took a moment for the two hosts to regain their composure, which Cathrin shamelessly took advantage of by picking up one of the small Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max units from the display table and sliding it ‒ like a dildo ‒ through the ring formed by the thumb and index finger of her other hand.

Finally, it was Harry who regained his composure first and turned to his guest.

“... Oh Cathrin, what are you thinking about me again?”

He complained, and his counterpart fired back without hesitation.

“What? Am I that far off?”

She asked, pointing the Cooling Vent at him.

“That’s not what I… hrm… that’s not what I meant.”

He defended himself, while Cathrin leaned toward Viola and:

“That’s what she said.”

She murmured, whereupon the poor host immediately burst into hysterical laughter again and Harry rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Good thing we don’t go on the air until after ten o’clock.”

He hissed, clearing his throat once more ‒ which at least earned him Cathrin’s attention.

“Can we please turn to a serious topic for just a moment?”

He asked, and when he saw his counterpart already taking a breath to make another comment, he hurried to get his question out first.

“If this cooling vent is located in the dragon’s orifice ‒ the one it also uses for its… hmmm… excretions ‒ then the device should not only be sturdy but also easy to clean. How does it measure up in that regard, Cathrin?”

For just a split second, you could see how much it bothered her that he’d ruined her chance to take another dig, but she recovered immediately, and her ever-present smile returned to her lips.

“Oh, of course, Harry. Cleaning is, of course, an essential issue, especially when ‒ as you so rightly pointed out ‒ the device is used INSIDE the dragon’s body.”

She emphasized the “in” with air quotes and held the Cooling Vent in her hands up to the camera.

“As you can see, the housing is hermetically sealed, and the charging port has been sealed to the highest standards against liquid ingress. In our labs, we were able to verify water resistance down to ten meters, which should be more than sufficient for the vast majority of applications. The outer shell is made of an aluminum-carbon composite that should be resistant to nearly all environmental influences and should withstand even the harshest mistreatment by a dragon. So even if your dragon decides to use the Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max as a chew toy, that shouldn’t be a problem ‒ and if it does manage to damage it, our all-around worry-free warranty will cover it!”

Cathrin explained, then slowly walked over with the device to the sink where she’d initially demonstrated how to cool her wrists. She pointed the Vent at the camera once more, turned on the water, and dramatically dropped the device into the sink for the audience’s benefit. The clatter of the plastic against the stainless steel basin could be heard clearly as she continued to grin at the camera.

“If you’ve used your Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max, it won’t really be clean afterward, as Harry so aptly pointed out. But that’s not a problem at all, because, as I already mentioned, your Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max is completely waterproof, and you can easily clean it under running water with a little soap or dish soap.”

She explained, showing the camera how she cleaned the device under running water.

“The surface is pretty smooth, so dirt shouldn’t usually stick to it. However, we deliberately decided against using a non-stick coating. For one thing, these coatings are often toxic; for another, they’re quite delicate. Also, during the testing phase, our testers gave us feedback that they found the texture of the surface quite pleasant and that the Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max might slip out too easily if we made the surface too smooth … sooo, done …”

She continued, and when she was done with her demonstration, she turned off the water and shook the device a little before holding it up to the camera and just as demonstratively turning it on.

“... and as you can see, it works perfectly.”

She noted, turning to Harry, who came over to her, nodding and smiling.

“Oh, that all sounds fantastic. I’d been wondering why it’s textured like that, but of course it makes sense if you don’t want to secure it any other way.”

He commented, and Cathrin nodded as she pointed to the bulb and the rings at either end of the shaft.

“Yes, that was actually a problem we had from the very beginning, but after many attempts ‒ some of which were quite funny ‒ we settled on this design in collaboration with our dragons.”

She said, cupping the bulb at the top with her hand.

“This bulb can be easily gripped by the dragons’ internal muscles and holds the shaft of the Cooling Vent 3000 ultra max firmly and securely inside the dragon, and these rings…”

She explained, running her fingers over the three ring-shaped protrusions at the bottom of the device.

“... on the one hand, they also serve to anchor the shaft at the entrance to the… am I even allowed to say that on TV?”

She asked, glancing at Harry, who shrugged but then nodded.

“All right, if you say so. They serve to anchor the shaft at the entrance to the dragon’s cloaca, and at the same time, they function as a kind of sealing ring so that nothing… drips.”

She concluded her explanation and saw Viola start to giggle again, but this time she was at least able to control herself somewhat. Cathrin grinned and slowly made her way back to the counter, where the promotional items were laid out, and put the device back in its place.

Even as she was busy aligning the Cooling Vent just right, Harry spoke up again.

“So, I just got word that the starter set is already almost twenty-five percent sold out, and we only have half of the large set left. Our lines are, of course, still open for you ‒ grab them while supplies last.”

The host promoted, pointing once more at the numbers displayed on the screen.

…

Nelli was still staring at the screen with a mixture of fascination and disbelief, while her human could barely contain his laughter. He was tempted to reach for his phone when she gave him a hard pinch on the thigh.

“Ow…”

He complained as the little dragoness glared at him.

“Don’t you dare order something like that, or I’ll test out which of your body orifices it can be stuffed into.”

She hissed, watching as her owner rubbed his thigh and started to reply. She didn’t give him a chance, but nipped him again, just to drive her point home.

“Aaah… what was that for?”

He whined, trying to cover both thighs with his hands in the hope of stopping Nelli from tormenting him further.

“That was for…”

She began, snapping her teeth at the air.

“…the fact that you even thought about it.”

She continued, snapping at him two more times.

“I’m not your toy.”

She stated emphatically.

“And I’m not your chew toy!”

He countered, carefully pushing her snout away from his lap. The little dragoness let him have his way; he was right ‒ he wasn’t her chew toy ‒ but it was just so much fun to tease him, and she knew that, if he were honest, he’d want it too. Well, maybe not quite as hard as she sometimes bit.

“But you won’t listen to me any other way!”

Nelli complained, pushing her head back onto his lap and snuggling closer to him. Giggling, he scratched her behind the ears.

“I can’t always just do what you want, you little monster.”

He retorted, enjoying the soft, contented purr of his dragoness.

“Hrrrmmm… of course you can. I’m your goddess, your salvation, and your damnation.”

The matter-of-fact way Nelli said this struck him deeply, yet at the same time he was sure she didn’t really mean it that way. He took a deep breath and sighed before continuing to stroke her.

On TV, Cathrin continued to tout her Cooling Vent, and the hosts never tired of reminding viewers just how limited their supplies were and what a great deal this was. You’d be foolish not to take advantage of it and order at least one of the offers.

“You know, Nelli…”

He began softly, letting his hand glide very slowly down her neck toward her shoulders.

“... Hmm …?”

She murmured, stretching her neck and her small, stubby wings so he could reach the muscles in her back more easily.

“... I think I should actually order one of these sets.”

He whispered, but before she could react or complain, he gently placed his other hand on her nose.

“I think we could have a lot of fun with this, don’t you think?”

He asked softly, massaging one of her muscles a little more firmly, which made her growl softly. She thought about it for a moment and finally shook her head very gently.

“No. If I needed that, I’d know where to get it.”

She whispered softly, glancing up at him out of the corner of her eye. There was a certain sparkle in her eyes, and he couldn’t help but smile.

Yes, she knew exactly where to look for it.

…

Concept and Idea by

El Poyo Diabolo

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El Poyo Diabolo

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El Poyo Diabolo

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