One-of-a-Kind Necromancer

Story by Unknown73 on SoFurry

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Imported from SF2 with no description.


"My undead army is clearly way more powerful than yours!"

"We've had this debate hundreds of times, pal, and I'm telling you, mine is better!"

"Yeah, then show me proof, smartass!"

"I won 501 matches out of 1000 with your stupid army, you buffoon!"

"So? I won the other 499 matches, that doesn't mean yours is more powerful!"

"If you even analyzed how these matches go, you would realize that my 501 wins are due to the army of undead werewolves I got that can smell your weaklings, and ravage their sorry asses!"

"That's bullshit and you know it. Those undead mutts are easily distracted. My undead ogres can easily distract them by bringing items with very strong smells! What kind of strong undeads would get distracted by that!?"

"It's called being smart, you idiot! What kind of necromancer expects a fair fight? And besides, the fact that my ogres thought of that on their own means they way smarter than yours, and thus way stronger because of that!"

Meanwhile, on the other side of the tavern...

"Ugh, barkeep, they're at it again, huh?" I shook my head.

Barkeep smiled, "Oh, trust me, at least they make for some nice entertainment. As heated their debates are, they never cause a brawl. In fact, the other customers have started placing bets on who would win next time, considering their 50:50 win rate. You in?"

I sighed, "I'll be honest with you, I just want to take care of these guys, you know? Sure, they are undeads, but I don't like them being involved in this debate, or even fighting each other. So, barkeep, how about giving them some of your best snacks here, I'll pay for them!"

The undead werewolves howled as I announce this, and the ogres cheered in return. The undead werewolf's leader, Wulfric, as well as the undead ogre's leader, Kerchak, gave a group hug. "Ahhh, appreciate you treating us like this, necromancer. I wish our masters would give us a better treatment," Kerchak said. Wulfric nodded excitedly, "I really wish you're the one summoning us instead, but that stupid contract is still intact, 50 more years and I'll be free from their stupid banters."

The barkeep shook his head, "Will never not be surprised to see a necromancer like you, lad. These other necromancers would just make undeads here and there just to stroke their egos, and then, here you are, having fun with these undeads as if they're your childhood friends."

I chuckled, "Well, what can I say? I always believe that necromancy is more about giving a second chance for these folks that met an untimely death. Sure, I will ask for their assistance should I am in danger, but I just want them to enjoy themselves, you know? Besides, they do provide some good company too, don't you think."

The barkeep, Wulfric, and Kerchak laughed at that, and raised their mugs. "Such a one-of-a-kind. Cheers to you, kind soul, may they be part of your army soon enough!"

I smiled, "Thank you. I'll do my best on that, I promise. Good luck on the incoming 1001th match though!"