Untouchable: Chapter 9 Wants and Wishes
Xander walked down the hall of Paul's place looking for the towels he had been told they were in a closet. Paul's place was bigger than Sean's but he shared it with some roommates. It was an old craftsman home on the lakeside of the hill, Oliver's and Sean's places were on the sound side of the hill.
"So you're really fine with giving me a ride and picking me up later?" Xander said.
Paul's answer came faint from the living room, "yeah I like you and I still want you to see dating as an option."
"Oh I think it's definitely looking more and more likely," Xander said, "oh I found them, be right back."
As he got into the shower Xander thought, "all these showers can't be good for my coat."
He noticed that the shampoos that Paul had were the same as Oliver's, "must be a cat marketed brand or one that is formulated for them." He thought.
He had had a great night and day with Paul but he missed Sean. He had soaped his thigh when he realized the he missed Sean a lot, "why do I always miss him like this... He doesn't feel the way I do." Xander said.
He thought of Paul in the kitchen and had a giddy guilt filled knot form in his chest.
"Sean doesn't love me like that, why do I feel like this," He thought.
He finished his shower then shook and then wondered if that was rude to do in a cat house, and finished with the towel instead.
He left the bathroom and found Paul in a book in the living room.
Sean said, "Thanks again Paul, I can head home after or we could cuddle and watch something."
Paul's tail danced, "I'd like that, you know how to make a guy feel wanted, I can meet you at your place or pick you up?"
Xander said, "I don't want to be a bother I can get a-"
"You're not a bother, I can get you, when are you done?" Paul said.
"That will probably be around nine thirty or ten PM," Xander said, "I wish I could hug you but I just showered."
"I understand, but it's a bummer, lets go," Paul said, "But if you have a friends thanksgiving that will make helping in the kitchen a challenge."
"Guess you'll be head of house," Xander said.
"I hate working from home," Paul said, "I can just be a wall flower."
They got in the car and the drive sped past, Xander could feel his crush on Paul grow.
"You said Jill was visiting, will I get to meet her?" Xander asked before getting out of the car.
"She will insist on it, you are the fur to steal me from her," Paul said with a wink, " now go enjoy your meal. The sooner you do the sooner we get to go spoon."
"Trying to get me hard before you send me up," Xander said.
"No, that would be a waste I'm trying to get you not to flake on me," Paul said, Xander got out of the car and waved goodbye.
He jogged to the door then used the door keycard Sean gave him. He ran up the stairs because the elevator was very slow in this old building. Xander let himself inside Sean's place.
"Who's there," sean called from the bedroom.
"Use your nose," Xander said then grabbed a soda from the fridge.
"Your coming and going here so often I can never tell when it's you," sean said.
"You'd know if I was coming believe you me," Xander said then walked through the long narrow apartment to the bedroom door.
"Yeah yeah yeah, you have amazing gonades, so apparently my sister is testing a treatment for Otters with shellfish allergies," sean said.
Sean laid on his belly naked, while he read something on his laptop.
"That's a lame allergy for an otter, and do you ever where cloths," Xander said then turned away from the door.
"Why should I wear cloths when the door was locked, you are the only other fur with a key," sean said, "well I guess my landlord too, but he would call first."
Xander leaned against the wall by the doorway then said, "The front door was unlocked, I could have been an ax murderer."
"Ax murdered, if I die let it be original, like with a metal spork," sean said.
Xander slid back to the wall down to the floor, then said, "that sounds slow and painful."
"Yeah probably would be, this research is exciting," sean said.
"Didn't know you cared so much for otters diets," xander said, he set his soda down and read through the texts he and Paul had sent earlier. He missed Paul. He thought "When I was with Paul, I missed Sean, and now the reverse, why can't I be happy where I am," Xander thought.
Sean left the bed room, then said, "had a good date, was that the Guy from the restaurant?"
Xander's attention stolen from the phone he said, "yeah his names paul, it was a good date but weird the intire time I was with him I kept thinking of-" Xander looked up to see sean was still naked and bits of him were quite close to his face while Sean try to read Xander's texts over his shoulder. Xander's head made a loud crack when he tried to get away from Sean's bits.
"Put your damned clothes on!" Xander yelped while he rubbed the back of his head.
"Why? it's like you've never seen one before, but based on those texts you definitely did last night," sean said then went back into the bedroom.
While he got up Xander said, "Shut up, you can't just hang dangling dong in someone's face and not startle them."
"There I have underwear on," sean said from the bedroom, "you never used to care about being naked around me or me being naked around you, what's the deal?"
"The deal is I developed feelings for you," Xander thought, went to the couch then said, "probably puberty and growing up."
"You didn't care till we were twenty, you were done by then or at least I assume you were captain show-er," sean said.
"I was done but you would understand," Xander said.
"Are you calling me dumb," sean said and marched in the skimpiest briefs Xander had ever seen out of the bedroom.
"You call that underwear? And you are an idiot, you only have so much blood and it wasn't going to your brain during puberty, commander grower," Xander said.
"I don't call this underwear, I call them butt-floss wanabies," sean said as his tail wagged.
"You don't make any sense you like being nude or wearing something so tight, it looks like revenge of the mummy your junk edition," Xander said, "weren't we going to have dinner?"
"Yeah, I have a lasagna resting in the fridge I can put it in the oven anytime, but you should try a pair of these they are super comfortable," sean said and ran back to his bedroom.
"I'm not putting on your underwear, and second you have bigger hips than me," Xander said then walked to the kitchen and put the lasagna in the oven.
Sean bounded back with a black version of the blue underwear he had on. Sean said, "no these will fit you they sent one the wrong size but I thought I'd keep it because it matches your fur."
"Then I'd look like I was naked," Xander said while he stayed behind the table away from sean.
"Come on try them," sean said then moved to get around the table.
Xander kept orbit around the table with him, then said, "you can't make me put them on I don't want too."
"Oh come on you'd look great in them," sean said his tail still wagged as he paced the table.
"That doesn't matter," Xander said, as pace to pace he matched sean.
"Looking good doesn't matter," sean asked.
"It does, but it shouldn't matter for us," Xander said.
"It's not for us it's for the world," sean said.
"It's not a game Sean, I won't wear them," Xander barked.
Sean's postured diminished, he tossed the underwear on the table, then said, "sorry i just thought you might like them."
"I probably would like them sean but I can't wear them," Xander said, He grabbed the thin cloth, "why does it have three holes?"
"It's for the tail," sean said, then sat on the couch, "you're different what's changed?"
"Nothing's changed sean that's the problem," Xander said, he stood behind the couch.
Sean craned around, "I don't understand I'm sorry for forcing the underwear on you, I'll return it next time."
"I don't care about the damn underwear, sean just forget it," Xander said then he stashed the underwear in his pocket.
Sean switched on the tv and said, "Then what the hell was all that about."
"Just drop it, what are we watching?" Xander said then sat on the couch.
"You pick I need to put the lasanga in the oven," sean said.
"That's already done," Xander said and put South Park on the TV.
Sean asked, "how was the date with... Paul?"
"It was good today we went to the park and last night we cuddled and watched archer," Xander said.
"Sounds like what we do all the time," sean said.
Xander clenched his teeth.
"What's up, you seem distant," sean said.
"Nothing's up," Xander said.
"If nothings wrong, why are you huddle up like an angry spring?" Sean asked.
Xander hadn't realized how tense he was, his nails dug into his opposite forearms.
"I don't know, I'm just tense," Xander said, and tried to relax. Xander felt Sean's arm slide across his shoulders and it felt so good it terrified him.
Xander pushed sean away, "stop it!"
"Stop what, we always cuddle while watching tv?" Sean said.
"We can't sean, we are practically naked," Xander said.
"That was never and issue before, and we've done it, often completely naked," sean said.
"That's the problem," Xander said.
"That I was naked, geez, I'll go put on cloths," sean said, "then we can cuddle?"
"No it's not that you were naked and yes it was, sean you don't get it I missed you during my date," Xander snapped.
"I miss you, when your not around too," sean said clearly confused.
Xander's voice broke, "you don't understand, this is not normal."
"You are my best friend, I don't do this with just anyone," sean said.
He smelled scared.
Xander's anger kept everything together, "I can't do this with my best friend, this isn't the same for me as it is for you."
"You don't enjoy cuddling," sean asked.
"Of course I do, this just means something different for me than it does for you," Xander said then his nose started to run.
"It means everything to me what did I do wrong," sean said.
"You haven't done anything wrong, you just haven't done right by me and I need to go," Xander said and got to his feet.
"What the hell, you can't leave, we're having dinner!" sean shouted.
"Sean, I can't do what's happening here, I need space. You love these times together, for you it's all good fun till you find that special guy," Xander said, "I can't be a place holder."
"But your doing the same," sean said.
Xander walked to the door, Sean ran to get in the way, "let me go sean."
"No, please!" sean whimpered, "why... what happened? Tell me?"
"Sean you're not a brother to me but I love you, I think of you all the time, but to you I'm just the brother you never had. To me your the lover I'll never get," Xander shouted then tried to push past Sean, "now let me go!"
"I love you too, I'm sorry I don't love you the same as you love me, are we still friends, your freaking me out right now!" sean cried.
"I just need some space!" Xander said and pried Sean from the door.
"This is because you aren't my type?" Sean asked.
"And what is your type sean? even if I was a cat we couldn't be together," Xander said.
"You aren't my size," sean said.
Xander ripped the door open, "I'm not your size, fuck you, you have been given shit all your life and you throw that in my face go to hell!"
Xander slammed the door and rushed to the stair well. Sean didn't come after him.
"He should come after me," Xander thought as he took the stairs two at a time, "no fuck him."
His vision tunneled till he reached the lobby and remembered to breathe, then exitted the building.
He heard a wailing howl from the windows several floors up.
Oliver walked towards him on the sidewalk.
"Hey Xander what was that?" Oliver asked.
"You shouldn't be here you'll only kill him," Xander said and passed him. He texted Paul, "food at Sean's didn't workout, want to get Thai?"