Untouchable: Chapter 12: Is It Enough
Xander left the service at eleven am he hadn't seen Sean anywhere, but why should he care. Paul hadn't wanted to join Xander for the service, he said, "I'm Pridian Its to different from a Pack service, I'll just stay home and podcast."Xander had never been to a service alone, the sermon seems flat and the songs mechanical. He missed harmonizing with Sean but the thought of missing him made him angry. "I'm not going to be a tool for him," Xander said nails sunk into the cover of his songbook. He dropped off the book hoping no one would notice the marks he had left in the cover.He headed to the exit nearest to his bus stop and waved at a few furs that greeted him as he left.He messaged Paul, "my service is over did you want to get lunch?""I made lunch enough for the both of us, if you want to come back over?" Paul messaged."I'll head right over, how was the podcast?" Xander asked."It was kind of lame the preacher got all political and how prey rights aren't as big of a deal now that we have reached equality," Paul messaged."So a guy with his head in the sand?" Xander messaged."More like her head up her own ass, I can talk when you get here I need both hands for a bit," Paul messaged.Xander boarded the bus and thought, "should I still be this angry, I mean I never told him how I felt."The city moved past as the stop and go rhythm of the bus continued. Rain drops pattered distorting the views."I can think rationally when I'm calm but I get angry every time I think of him." He thought.He messaged Paul, "do you think I'm justified to be angry at Sean?" He put away his phone till Paul might message next. "I love him, I hate him, how can I do both," Xander thought. The rest of the ride was spent intentionally not thinking about yelling at Sean and how sad it felt to hear his howl or how vindicated he felt hearing Sean's pain. He focused instead on the work he would need to get done on the new project, he would see and think about Sean tomorrow, not now.He got off the bus at a convenience store near by Paul's and trudged through the thick rain shower."I wonder how we will get the city to move on this plan, it requires very little capital but a ton of buy in," Xander thought then pulled his coat more tightly around him."Sean's the one who's going to get all the buy in, will it be awkward working together now," He didn't want to think about that, but he couldn't distract himself from Sean. He reminisced on all the times he and Sean had fought in there long friendship. In first grade when that Tabby kissed him, "What was his name, I was so jealous? Well till he started asphyxiating." He pictured when Sean yelled at him for having a crush on another boy. Then when they were young adults when Sean disappeared into his room for a week after he was raped. Sean
seemed to have been waiting to try gay sex after he was an adult. Xander had waited with Sean and felt hurt and confused that Sean slept with another despite the circumstances. Xander neared the turn to Paul's one car driveway."I cant believe I argued with him at the ER for kissing someone else, I was a weird seven year old, but not much better as an adult," Xander thought then knocked at the door.Tanner Paul's redtailed vulpine roommate opened the door, "Hello Xander, I see you're back, what was that two hours? must be a record since you two melded.""I just like the guy, is that weird?" Xander said with a glare to counter Tanners smirk."No, you are a herding dog, I hear you all cant be alone," Tanner said."Well I guess that's true, most dogs and wolves are like that, are foxes not?" Xander said then hung his coat on one of the pegs to the left of the door."We still prefer a group but we can be a loner for a little while, but just like with dogs its a stereotype that is true more often then not. The only question I really have is are you moving in, or am I going to need to get another roommate?" Tanner asked."Things are still new, Paul and I have chatted for a while but we have only gone on one date," Xander said."That has barely ever ended," Tanner said and scratched his tail, "I didn't even know what happened to Paul till you guys came over after the park.""Kept you up worrying?" Xander asked.Tanner laughed, "No, but Find-a-fur made me think he finally got with Oliver their profiles were together like all night. I never saw you on there.""I normally use Growler, and we met setting up my friends birthday," Xander said, and wondered if Sean was alone. Tanner headed off to his room, probably to play guitar which seemed to Xander to be all that he ever did. Xander marched up the stairs to the living room. Paul stood by the kitchen counter and fanned two cake layers."Hey Paul," Xander said cheeks heated, "What are you making?""I made Sean a birthday cake there wasn't one at the party and everyone deserves one," Paul said, "I wore gloves and a furnet, and everything.""Damn I was hoping you were making a kinky fashion statement for me," Xander said, "And I don't think you needed to make a cake, Sean and I aren't talking.""You mean your not talking to Sean, I saw that he has tried both calling and texting and you've been ignoring them." Paul said, "I may be new to knowing you both, but you two need to talk and its hard to fight while eating cake.""Its a nice idea but I'm really not ready to see him, I'm irrationally angry and I don't want that to get in the way when we talk," Xander said, "I'll talk to him at work tomorrow.""Ok, then I can let these cool naturally but I still want to take the cake over today," Paul said then took off the gloves and gave Xander a warm
hug. "Thats fine, he'll appreciate it I'm sure, I'll get you his address when you need it," Xander said, "so why are you leaving the netting on?""Its a bitch and a half to put on and I... Oh shit I'm so sorry, I shouldn't say that." Paul said.Xander chuckled and sat at Paul's dinning room table, "no you shouldn't and your apology is accepted.""You can forgive me but can you forgive Sean I don't really know him, and I'm just starting to know you, but what ever's wrong seems to be eating you up." Paul said then started rubbing Xander's ears."You have a gift," Xander murmured happily."I have attentive eyes and my paws listen to them," Paul said then sat slowly on Xander's lap."Your hands are amazing but you are so nice too," Xander said then licked Paul's cheek and nuzzled.Paul vibrated as he purred, "I don't know where or what you want, kits, pups, house, and future, but I want to talk about them with you and see where we can go.""You know the only other person I talk about those things with is Sean," Xander said.Paul's purring stopped abruptly, "were you guys dating, I thought you were single?""I am, Sean and I have never dated, we have been friends since we were kids, I guess I have feelings for him, but..." Xander said and shifted Paul, so he was cradled in his arms."He doesn't feel the same?" Paul said."No, well maybe I don't know, he flirts with me and I smell he is attracted to me at times, but it drives me crazy that he single mindlessly pursues furs he cant have." Xander said then squeezed Paul, I need the restroom."Paul smelled uncomfortable Xander asked, "Whats wrong?""I just know how you feel, Oliver and I chatted for quite a long time before he moved out here and I kinda have feelings, but he's not into me or something," Paul said, "Go to the bathroom."Xander squeezed Paul's paw, "He doesn't know what he is missing.""Neither of then do, hurry up before I have to wash the floor," Paul said."Fine, fine," Xander said and hurried to the bathroom."Paul is such a nice guy, I could see him being a great dad, I should find out if he is planning on kids," Xander thought then washed his paws.When he left the bathroom he bumped into Tanner again, "oops sorry about that.""It's not a problem, but do you have a second?" Tanner asked."Ok..." Xander said."Why does Paul never go to your place?" Tanner asked."My place... I don't know I just hang out where other furs are, he was here," Xander said."Wow it's true, I thought that article was a joke," Tanner said."Article? I don't know what you are talking about," Xander said."Just learning about your breed, apparently you will definitely be sticking around," Tanner said then waved and wandered
off."...weird, now I have to look up my breed." Xander said then dug out his phone.He thought back to the memes and jokes he read online and wondered if unknowingly he acted like one.When he got back to the kitchen Paul had donned new gloves and iced the cake."Wow that looks tasty!" Xander said."Well if you came with me to drop it off maybe you'd get some," Paul said."So your roommate seems to think I'm a walking talking sheepdog stereotype," Xander said.Paul paused tilted his head in thought and nodded, "yeah you kinda are.""Crap I don't even know it," Xander said."And that's why it's so cute, can you pass me the blue icing piping bag next to you on the counter?" Paul asked."Tell me how I'm like a stereotype?" Xander asked and passed the bag of icing."That would spoil it," Paul said while he rotated the cake adding blue swoops."No it wouldn't, it would help me with an obvious blind spot," Xander said."Ok but only because you're cute," Paul said, "finished, now to box it up." Xander watched and waited while Paul boxed up the cake. Xander asked, "so are you going to tell me?"Paul tore his gloves when he took them off then said, "yeah I just wanted to get this all off.""But you look good in a furnet," Xander said. "You say that till your nails get stuck," Paul said then sat in a chair by Xander, "so you want to know the weird ways that you are yourself?""Yeah kinda, I feel it's good to know yourself," Xander said."Good, I agree," Paul said, "so do you have an apartment?""Yeah I invited you to it, it's just not close by," Xander said."When were you last there," Paul asked."Uhm, a couple weeks ago," Xander said.Paul burst out laughing, "sorry, sorry, your more of the stereotype than I thought, why did you go home a couple weeks ago?""My phone reminded me to get the mail and pay my bills," Xander said annoyed.Paul laughed again, "you have a reminder to go home, you are so cute.""Ok now I'm just feeling like you are mocking me," Xander said and bristled."Sorry, I wasn't expecting that but it fits with the stereotype," Paul said."Which is?" Xander growled."Calm down, The stereotype is that sheepdogs don't really have a home they just float around, couch surfing, and kind of sticking like a tick to whoever is there current fur," Paul said."I have a place," Xander said."Which you haven't been to in weeks," Paul said."All my friends have guest rooms, and I have keys to their places," Xander said."Interesting so my question is why did you feel nervous staying at Oliver's," Paul said."I don't know him well, my friends just never kick me out, I pretty much lived at Sean's house growing up,
and now my friends places," Xander said."You're there even when they want to be intimate?" Paul asked."I can smell that and go to the guest bedroom, well except for at Sean's he and I were generally the single ones. So there was never really a need to go to the guest room. Do you really think I'm really that big of a mooch?" Xander asked."No you just stay with your flock," Paul said."There my friends, who I guess I live with," Xander said."Why the sad face, they seem to get it, you have keys so they trust you," Paul said."Oh that's not it, I don't know I feel weird," Xander said."Would a key for this place make you feel better?" Paul asked in a singsong way."Either you are mocking me or I'm very none threatening," Xander said."Why can't it be both," Paul said."I don't know, the stereotypes are offensive, I don't want to be one," Xander said."Is it because the stereotypes are mocked?" Paul asked."Yeah, I like who I am but I don't like being degraded for it," Xander said.Paul shifted uncomfortably, "I'm sorry I laughed," he said."It's not you, I'm realizing that I have been living differently than I thought I was," Xander said, "self actualizing is weird, and thanks for the apology.""So, how was your service?" Paul asked."It was lonely I sat and sang alone for the first time in more than a decade," Xander said then took Paul's paws, "I kinda wished you and Sean were there, I know it's not your culture but I wanted to sing with you."Paul smelt embarrassed and said, "uhm we could do karaoke tonight, but I'm not a great singer. You should really come with me to drop off the cake.""I... I'll see Sean tomorrow I still want to think," Xander said."Can you text me the directions?" Paul said."I can give you my key," Xander said."No, I don't know Sean, the directions and paging code will be fine," Paul said."Ok, want to cuddle and watch something?" Xander asked."Do you mean Netflix and chill or watch something?" Paul asked a glint in his eyes."Why not both?" Xander asked."Because only one of my roomies is gay, and I don't want them to see how big I can take with no complaining," Paul said.Xander chuckled, "Yeah, I was surprised, you're a champ, do you have tons of massive dildos or something?"Paul pulled him to his feet, "shut it, or we are just watching the movies.""Heaven forbid," Xander said as he followed Paul to his bedroom, "you know I really do like you?""So I'm a keeper like Sean?" Paul said and pulled Xander onto his bed across from the tv on his dresser."Yeah I want you both," Xander said but this made Paul darkened and smelt surprised, "what!""Am I a replacement best friend?" Paul asked."I... don't
know, but I think I would like you regardless," Xander said.Paul stopped pulling away and leaned back into Xander's arms, "I think I'll like you regardless too."