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Sean's tail popped he wagged it so hard. "Sorry... sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong,

I've wanted to do that for years," Sean said and panted, his hips still

pinning Oliver to the couch."Wow! I-I'm light headed, that was amazing," Oliver

said, then moaned when he rubbed his hips against Sean's.Sean traced a nail along Oliver's left ear, then said,

"You're kiss number eight.""Wait, you've only kissed eight times and you're

that good?!" Oliver asked.Sean chuckled, then said, "No just the eighth

fur.""Oh, well I have only made out with six," Oliver

said."We haven't been very active for our age," Sean

said then lay and nuzzled on Oliver."Sean, do you only like me because I'm a cat?" Oliver

asked, he smelled nervous."No but it makes everything so much easier for

me," Sean said."How is it easier, you're allergic to me?" Oliver

said then shifted under Sean, which made things more comfortable."Oh I just like cats, the way you smell, the way you

move, that you're not pack, that you don't mind if things are a bit..." Sean

said then stopped before he admitted he wanted someone who wanted pain to get

off. This killed his arousal."Cats don't mind what?" Oliver asked."I don't want to say, I just realized something I'm

not proud of," Sean said then tried to lift himself off Oliver."You can tell me, I have something I've wanted to

tell you, but because I thought it might change things I haven't. It's hard for

me to talk about it," Oliver said and held Sean to him."I've never told anyone this... no one," Sean said

sinking back into Oliver's arms."I had a hard time telling anyone, I told my closest

friends and they went home," Oliver said."Wait the two other Tigers, I thought you said they

wouldn't stay with you because you're gay?" Sean asked."It was that and something else, why do you want a

feline?" Oliver asked."I'm ashamed to say it Oliver," Sean said then

moved to the other side of the couch as he pulled away."Is it one of the cat fetishes, if you're into

getting sprayed that's ok, it's not my thing, but I won't judge you," Oliver

said.Sean laughed and said, "No its not water-sports, I think

I'm just fucked in the head, I have dark fantasies, and there's that stereotype

that all cats get off on pain during sex."Oliver blanched. "I see," He said, "So you

want to hurt me.""Alpha no, I hate that shit, it just pops into my

head, when I'm getting off all the time," Sean said, "I don't know if

it was from being raped or from being sent to conversion therapy right after it

happened.""Oh... Sean I'm not into pain," Oliver said

legs huddled to his chest."I've never thought of you that way, or Xander,"

Sean said, he wished he hadn't spoken and had just held Oliver."But you have thought of someone before?" Oliver

asked."Yeah I have... telling you fucked everything up

didn't it?" Sean asked."No, I still want you here, but your fetish is kind

of a turn off for me," Oliver said."I hate it too, remember I was the 'Runt' to my

rapist, I don't want to think about causing pain or raping someone but it just

comes up," Sean said, then stood, "I...I should go.""No!" Oliver said, jumping to grab Sean,

"I have scars from my rapist too, some inside and out, I don't think there

sexy and I don't like your scars they make me think of my own," Oliver said

then pulled his shirt off.Sean was startled, and stepped back.Oliver leaned showing Sean two rumpled parallel lines of

fur on his left shoulder, then said, "he bit me, scarring my heart, mind

and body, Sean, I hate thinking about it but I will for you, we'll get

counseling remember.""I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't know how

to make it stop," Sean said then felt along Oliver's scars."Will figure it out," Oliver said, then took Sean's

paw and kissed him, "I wouldn't miss you for the world either."Sean was pulled by Oliver back on to the couch and into

his arms."I just want that moment, you know, in the movies.

It probably doesn't exist where you get to just be with someone where

everything's right, no miss understandings or secrets, just each other and

happiness," Sean said while he tried to shape his thoughts with his paw in

the air."Sounds nice, but it would be very vulnerable,"

Oliver said. Sean felt Oliver pull him till he was draped over Oliver's chest.

He leaned his head back onto Oliver's shoulder to nuzzle cheek to cheek."You're my first," Sean said."First cat I imagine," Oliver said."The first anyone since conversion therapy that I

have been this open with," Sean said which made Oliver squeeze him tightly

around the chest."Not even Xander?" Oliver asked."Particularly Xander, we made up after my therapy,

when we went to college together, but things just weren't the same," Sean said

then left them in silence not wanting to say more."At least he still wants you in his life," Oliver

said.Sean snorted, then said, "Doesn't feel like it

recently.""He does, you're both still playing tag, trying to

talk.... You know I told you my friends left because of my secret," Oliver

said."You can tell me, you haven't kicked me out for

mine," Sean said then licked Oliver's nose."Hey!... Fine, I'll tell you," Oliver said when

he wiped his nose with the back of his paw and sat there."Ah, you still haven't said anything," Sean said."Well it's about my health," Oliver said, then

his phone rang, "it shouldn't affect you but- one second. Hey it's Oliver."Sean was curious but unconcerned, till he recognized the

voice he faintly heard on the other end of Oliver's call."If I can? Yeah I can buzz you up, I'll have the key

for you," Oliver said, when he ended the call."Why was Xander calling you?" Sean asked when

he extracted himself from their cuddle."He's borrowing Paul's car, which Paul left here for

him," Oliver said. "Oh, so you guys hangout now cause I haven't seen

him in days?" Sean said annoyed at the implied exclusion."No just Paul, but with them being joined at the hip

so to speak I have gotten to talk with him a few times," Oliver said then

stood to walk to the door then hit the door buzzer. Oliver went to the bathroom

while Sean sat in thoughts about the past he thought he had forgiven Xander

for.  I got on AOL as

soon as I stopped crying and e-mailed Xander, "I'm so sorry, please

forgive me I need you right now, you don't know what it was like."My room's door knob

rattled, so I hit send and closed the browser then switched off the screen. I

stood up from where I had been kneeling still unable to sit on my hard desk

chair."Honey are

you-" Mom peaked in but recoiled at the smell, "so that's where the

air freshener went."My heart raced, I

lied, "I'm fine mom, what's up?""Well Xander

ran home and he just got here, and he mentioned you got in a fight," mom said."I didn't mean

too," I said as she advanced into my room looking concerned when she

flipped the lights on. I paced back from her across my room till my tail

brushed my bed I didn't want her to see my shorts and freak out like Xander

did. I flicked my tail up before I sat, that action and sitting made me wince,

I hoped mom hadn't seen."Honey what

happened?" She asked."I don't want

to talk about it, and I didn't mean to hit him but he wouldn't leave me

alone," I said."Him who, the

person you got in a fight with... wait you mean Xander? He said you weren't

sick, honey! You hit him, why did you two fight?" Mom asked then sat next

to me with a stern expression."Shit he told

her I got in a fight with someone else," I thought, then said, "Someone

picked a fight with me, not Xander.""But you did

hit Xander, that's why he ran home? For what reason? Sean I understand if you

got in a fight you didn't start, but I need an explanation, why would you hit Xander

and why did you lied about being sick," mom said.I sat for a bit

while I tried to think a way out of this, then said, "Xander was going to

tell about the fight. I didn't want him to tell you and he wouldn't listen and

I lost my temper.""Son you know

that's not ok, what is the punishment we decided as a family we'd get for hitting,"

mom said."No computer,

but I need to apologize to Xander?" I said trapped."You can send

one message, then I want the power cord to your computer, but I still want to

know why you lied about being sick," she said paws held in her lap, never

a good sign."I didn't want

to go to school," I said and tried not to fidget."Obviously,

but why?" She asked."Because if I

did go, I'd have to run in gym class," I said in an attempt to be

creative, but honest."So you didn't

want to run..." she said.We sat in silence

for a good while."I didn't want

to run cause it would hurt," I said."Sean why and

where would it hurt?" She asked.I thought like

crazy, "I could say, I hurt my foot kicking the attacker, no too easy to

disprove, I've been walking fine. Shit why did I say I couldn't run. My ribs, I

could say it's my ribs that hurts when you run." I wagged my tail from feeling

clever but that sent knives of pain up my spine. When I yelped mom asked,

"It's your tail they hurt your tail!" "Shit no way

out of this now," I thought. "Yeah the guy

grab me by the tail it... it hurts," I said then realized, "she might

want to see it and she'll see my shorts.""What guy Sean?

Was it someone from school?" She asked then took my paw in hers."No," I said."Who was

it?" She asked."It was no one

just a random guy," I said."Honey you

were attacked by a random guy, but you won't say who... when did it

happen?" She asked."Friday night

after the game," I said."I thought you

were hanging out with Xander?" Mom asked."I was,"

I said, I knew she didn't like my story."Really so he

was there for the fight, that's how he knows about it?" Mom asked,

"I'll need to talk to his mom."Mom got up too

leave. "Ok I wasn't with Xander," I blurted out."So you're lying

again, why can't you tell the truth, I didn't raise you to be a liar," mom

said."If I tell you

and dad you'll both freak out," I said like an idiot."Oh... so what

were you doing?" Mom asked like an immovable statue."I... I can't

say," I said while blood pounded in my ears so I couldn't think."Honey, you

mean you won't say. All I've heard is that you got in a fight, you hit Xander,

you have a tail injury, you lied about being sick, stole the air freshener,

obviously trying to hide something from me, and now you won't talk about

it," she said mixed anger and worry in the lines of her drawn brows."I can't mom,

dad would freak out!" I said it had gotten harder to breathe."Again you say

can't when you mean won't, why won't you... why?" She asked."Why can't you

tell me, does this have something to do with a girl... a gang.... drugs what's

going on?" She asked."No mom, I'd

never be in a gang, and it wasn't a girl!" I said my joints popped as I

kneaded my paws."You didn't

answer if it was drugs. Was it drugs?" She asked disappointment clearly

showing.I remember the

tangy smelling bottle under my nose which made me light headed while I was told

to shut up and be a good little runt. He hadn't used lube.I hung my head

tired of lying, not knowing what to say."So you were

doing drugs and got into a fight... I'm going to talk with your father and One

of us will need that power cord when we get back then The three of us can

discuss further punishments," mom said and stood."I didn't want

to do it," I said, unable to think of how to get out of the situation. "We all have

choices, you know that, I'll be right back," she said then walked rigidly

out of the room.My vision tunneled

as I hyperventilated, then when I calm down a bit, I change my shorts and threw

all of my bloody clothes into the closet under a blanket. I sprayed air

freshener then went to the computer.When I signed in Xander

had replied, "I hate you, you couldn't wait, you're a liar and you hit me,

what the hell was that, some friend you are."I wrote back,

"Mom thinks I'm on drugs now, why did you tell her I got in a fight, I

wanted to wait he didn't let me Xander, I'm sorry I shouldn't have hit you. I

won't be able to message, my mom's taking the power cord. I can't go to the

doctor then everyone would know."I sent the message

and heard loud voices downstairs. "They never

yell why can't they just yell, oh Alpha, I don't know what to do," I

prayed."Karl I should

be there too," mom said while I heard them come up the stairs.My heart raced I thought

about climbing out the window and running away, but sat breathing heavily. They

passed my room."It's ok I

just need to print something and talk to him, then we can talk to him about the

change," dad said.I pressed myself

against the door to listen."You really think

it's needed," mom said."Stephanie I

talked to Julian about it well before any if this happened, Sean will graduate

even if we go this route, and I think it's needed he's getting to the point

where if we don't get him on the right path there won't be another

chance," dad said while they moved down the hall."I came to

faith late in life, I know we need to be there for him, but maybe we should let

him learn from his mistakes, I mean this is drastic and we can't isolate

him" mom said till I couldn't hear them anymore."Fuck!....

fuck fuck fuck! Julian! What is dad talking to the principal about," I thought

while I paced the room and tried not to cry. "I've cried too many times,

I'm not going to be weak anymore, I won't be the runt anymore."The door opened, I

held my breath.Samantha and Sharron

came in, Sharron asked, "Sean what's going on?""I can't

say," I said and shrank back to the bed. They sat to either side of me."Are you ok,

mom was telling dad you hit Xander, why would you do that?" Sharron asked."He was going

to tell mom something I.... she couldn't know," I said and wished they

would leave."Was Xander

going to tell mom that you're gay?" Samantha asked.My heart stopped, I

said "how did you?... get out!""Sean you're

gay?" Sharron asked.I cried again,

"please just leave before mom and dad, they're going to come back.""I'm right

aren't I, I don't care if you're gay Xander came out to me a longtime

ago," Samantha said."Sam it's a

sin," Sharron said."Please leave!

Both of you just leave! I never wanted any of this!" I yelled my world

fallen apart.Sharron hugged me,

and said, "I love you, there's hope ok.""I love you no

matter what," Samantha said and hugged me too."You don't

understand... it's more there's more... please leave!" I said in sobs."Girls I need to

talk to Sean," dad said from the door.I wheezed as I

neared an asthmatic episode. Sharron and Samantha left and mom guided them down

stairs while I scrambled for my inhaler.Dad stood patiently

as an executioner safe in the knowledge that he had far more time than I did.I huffed in the

puffs and tried not to cry."Son let's

have a little chat," dad said gesturing to my bed.I sat hating

everything being a runt, Xander, being runted and bloody, myself, and dad for

putting me through this.I gingerly scooted

back on the bed and held my knees to my chest."So is there

something you want to tell me?" Dad asked."No, I really

don't, I just want everyone to leave me alone," I said, wishing he would

just understand."Fine, then

I'll share a story with you," dad said then sat next to me papers in paw."What are

those?" I asked while a chill flowed through me."There a

story, and I think they say what is really going on here, your mom said you

tried drugs, I think that could be true but isn't the issue here," he said,

"you could just tell me."I sat in the

silence."Ok," dad

said, then started to read, "March eleventh four sixteen PM, user

Shepherds-Catwolf signed into craigslist list male for male Seattle

metro...." He looked at me

while I sat in shock, then said, "I can read what you wrote but I haven't

at this point, nor did I print it for our little chat, I get that you were

curious everyone has urges, but this is a phase and behavior you can't allow to

become a habit.""How did

you... why?" I stammered."I got watchdog

when we first got a family computer, none of you knew, but son I've known

you've been looking at these forums, chats, and Alpha only knows what else

since you were thirteen, I block the sites hoping you would learn but you

haven't." Dad said.I stammered,

"I... dad it's not that... I never wanted this, I..." "It's ok son

this is a hardship but you don't have to bare it alone, we have a plan and it

won't jeopardize college for you, but before we go into that I want us to

pray," dad said.I had been for

hours and years that this conversation would never happen."Son do you see

yourself as... gay," dad said."I never thought

of myself as anything," I said."Well do you

find yourself attracted to men?" He asked."I think..."

I could hardly speak my throat was so dry, "yes I am.""Alpha help

us," dad said then he showed his throat, "we can fix this, we can

help you and protect the family from this."I choked on the

words when I asked, "How, are you going to disown me?""We will not

disown you, we will help you, let's pray," dad said still settled in

submission to the Alpha."I'm sorry, I

didn't want to disappoint you but I can't make it stop," I said."The alpha

knows, let us pray... Dear leading father... submit son, "Dad said then he

waited till I joined him in a posture of submission my silent tears rolled back

up my forehead."Dear leading

father, I put before you my son, who as you as all-knowing can see needs you,

please help us to lead him through these life decisions, Alpha we know that you

never give us something greater than we can bare, I know then that this is

something we can change please show us how," dad prayed then waited for my

prayer."I.... I can't

change, I... don't know what to do..." I mumbled."Please help

him, amen," dad said then he sat up and said, "I'm getting your

mother."I sat in silent self-hatred

while he left the room.Then I prayed,

"Why are you doing this to me, do you hate me? I've loved you in

everything my whole life, but I can't change this. Do you hate-"Dad and mom came

into my room, mom didn't look happy. "They hate me

because their ashamed of me," I thought.Mom and dad sat to

each side of me, mom held my paw. "Son we have

an alternative education program that helps those in your situation," dad said.I didn't know what

to say."You'll be starting

tomorrow," mom said with a squeeze of my paw."What does

that mean," I asked."We are

pulling you out of school, the public school isn't good for you, and will start

at Hope Wins school till you graduate in June," dad said."What! No, all

my friends, that's not fair!" I shouted."It's been

decided, you said you don't know how to change, and they know how to help

you," dad said."I've never heard

of them, where is this Hope Wins place," I said."It's not really

a school school, it's a therapy system, and camp in Idaho," mom said."You're

sending me away, please! Please don't send me away!" I said."It's already

been decided, Julian has made sure you'll graduate while we get you

therapy," dad said."But my

friends and track, I'll miss prom, what will everyone say," I yelled."Son we have

to do this before you get yourself raped and murdered," dad snapped.I burst into tears

and hugged mom, I feared dad knew what happened and hated me for it.They talked at me

but I couldn't hear them. Mom and dad let me write one last e-mail to Xander

then I was grounded from the computer. They left the room, I got back online.Xander had messaged,

"serves you right for hitting me, I was only trying to help. I've decided

to forgive you but only if you come out."I laughed bitterly

then wrote, "You got what you wanted. I'm out. But this is my last

message. We can't talk anymore. I'll miss you, I hope we can still be friends

even though this is your fault. See you after graduation. I love you still."

Sean sat looking at his message then deleted it."So I'm out

now, my parents flipped out. There sending me away. I'll miss you. Please don't

hate me if I'm different when I get back. If you want to know if I'm still me

just ask, are we good. Sean." He hit send and turned off the computer.  Sean came back to himself when the toilet flushed. His

eyes were blurred. He thought, "I won't cry stop it."

His throat choked on his pain.