FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Oliver should have been happy. Sean was supported by so

many at the hospital, but it only reminded him of how much he missed his family.

Despite all that had happened to hurt him, he wanted his old connections. He felt

it move and flex, that phantom life that could have been. It tingled as if mom

or dad would call any minute, to ask about his day and job. He had no contact

with them since they shunned him, but every year despite saying he wouldn't, he

found himself yet again calling to listen to the recording just to hear their

voice. A different kind of medicine to inoculate himself every birthday and on

holidays. He wanted to call now, but what would that help, they had caller ID

and never answered for him."Thanks for dinner Oliver. Soup for Soups?" Paul

asked."Yeah, but I let better cooks then me make it,"

Oliver said he was feeling the light headed fuzz of his medicine settle over

him as it had before."Oliver, what's it like?" Xander asked staring

out the restaurant window."What's what like, my meds?" Oliver asked."No, getting over what happened?" Xander asked.Paul's tail lashed brushing Oliver's."I don't think you get over it, it's more making it

to the other side of, I can live with what happened, or I can't," Oliver said,

then asked, "do you mean getting raped or shunned?""Man I don't understand either of those... I don't

know. I mean where is Sean in all that, with being raped? What should I do or could

we do?" Xander asked."I think he's trying to open up," Paul said,

"When my dad died, I couldn't talk about how I felt because I didn't want

to feel any of it again, it was overwhelming.""Then why now?" Xander asked."I think it's my fault, he can't avoid it, because

I'm a screaming example of a similar experience," Oliver said, "I

mean being around him is making me work through it too.""That's probably true, plus I got all angry at

him... damnit, I want him to be better, life isn't fair," Xander said pounding

the table."Hey, you being there for him makes it a bit

fairer," Paul said, "it would have been fair if I could have my dad

like everyone else, I didn't. What I wanted, what I got, and what I expected

weren't the same for a long time.""What do you mean wanted and expected?" Xander asked."I wanted my dad, I expected to be alone, but Mr.

Greyhouse, Jill's dad, made space in his life for me, he is what I got and he

made my life better... more fair.""Sounds like a good man," Oliver said."I just want to be half the man he is for my

kit," Paul said."When you have a kit you will," Xander said.They all sat around bowls they were done eating."Oliver, what do I do if Sean does bring all that

stuff up, what if I don't know what to say?" Xander asked. "You let him share, and don't avoid it. If he thinks

that he's making you uncomfortable, he might stop sharing. I know I did... well

do. I could never tell my family, I didn't want them to think I blamed them, or

that it was their fault," Oliver said, "Sean told his sisters and his

mom, he's trying to reach out.""You talked to me about what happened to you," Paul

said, "were you reaching out."Oliver shifted under Paul's steady eyes, "you're the

only 'family' I have left."Oliver felt a small paw in his."What happened, if it's not too personal?" Xander

asked."I haven't talked to them since, you know, they had

me excommunicated. I was still on my parents insurance in college, I was a

fifth year senior getting a dual major," Oliver said, "I got tested.

I hadn't before because of the needles but I found out about a cheek swab. Mom

found out in the insurance bill.""So she told everyone?" Xander asked."Don't know... but I think it just confirmed her

fear that I was going to be a lifelong sinner, taking metal into my veins,

chemicals each day, and was 'probably' sexually active in a not going to have

kids way," Oliver said."But you don't, you're the biggest prude I

know," Paul said."That's never seemed to matter, they never asked

what I really get up too or how it happened. They wouldn't want to know," Oliver

said sipping at his now lukewarm green tea."My parents hardly know what's going on with me, but

they had so many pups, they just never have the time," Xander said."But their ok with you being gay?" Oliver asked."Yeah they're cool, they had five grand babies, from

two litters, three that share the last name, all by the time Sean and I

finished high school," Xander said."So you're an uncle?" Paul said happily."Yeah I baby sit, well Sean and I do, when my brother

or sister want a night on the town," Xander said, "but they are starting

to get bored at Sean's, I guess I just don't have the right game

consoles."Oliver felt a happy warmth that Paul was seeing someone

so family oriented, he said, "you could get them a good book.""I'm the fun uncle, I don't want to get demoted,

they have several others to choose from," Xander said."So you like spoiling kids? You're going to be the

big softy," Paul said."Yeah I am, I'm seeing more and more how herding dog

I am," Xander said stirring some leftover broth in his bowl."Well don't change, I love you for it," Paul said

tail freezing."You've said that a few times now," Xander said

self-consciously avoiding Oliver and Paul's unwavering cat eyes."I have, and it's how I feel," Paul said,

"I... I'll stop saying it if it makes you uncomfortable, it's ok if you

don't feel the same, someday I hope you do.""I'm heading that way, for sure," Xander said

bumping Oliver's leg under the table on his way to play pawsie with Paul."So does he know," Oliver asked Paul."Not yet Jill's coming up this weekend, I want them

to meet first," Paul said."Yeah, first!" Oliver laughed, which got him a

sharp elbow jab to the ribs."I hate being excluded," Xander said."Cheer up big boy, you'll know soon," Oliver said."So I'm big boy to you too now?" Xander asked

tilting his head to the side."Ah, well that's true to in your case, but that's

just a phrase my dad used to say," Oliver said."Xander it's big but not the center of the

universe," Paul said."So I was thinking of calling my family," Oliver

said, to change the subject."Even after everything?" Paul asked."I'm mean there my family no matter what, but they

never answer when it's my number," Oliver said."You can use my phone, when were you thinking,"

Paul asked."Tomorrow or the day after, if I call during the day

I am pretty sure to get Mom," Oliver said."Are you calling in sick again?" Paul asked."I might I need to figure out these meds, I might

let them know I'm still sick but work on projects from home most of the

day," Oliver said."Hey Oliver, you seem to know the hospital better

than me, when are visiting hours over?" Xander asked."I think they're still open but not for much

longer," Oliver said."Let's walk back," Paul said, Oliver felt good

as Paul took Xander's paw as they all left."Fucking Faggots," someone yelled from the

other side of the restaurant.Xander and Paul flinched. Oliver said, "Well fuck

you too, come on guys."Oliver hung a pace behind Paul and Xander in case the

dick from the restaurant followed. It took them all a little bit to relax, but

after half a block they did. Xander asked Paul, "My mom loves to bake

fresh breads and meat or fish pies, do you think they like doing that

together?""Mom loves to cook, but isn't much of a baker she'd

probably love to get a new skill.""If she likes Irish baking then she'll be

fine," Xander said."Mom does more Italian, but Irish and Italian are

both food and family cultures," Paul said."So, I know you said Jill is coming up to visit, but

I'd like to go down to Portland and meet the Greyhouse's and your mom, you met

Momma and Papa Miller, if we see them, then all that's left is getting you up

to Everett to Ma and Pa," Xander rambled.There were rapids steps behind them, Oliver whirled

around glimpsing an object flying towards him. He batted it out of the air,

then it shattered on the ground. His claws out, he braced himself for more. Whoever

threw the bottle had run away."What was that?" Paul asked in alarm."Just a coward, let's walk a bit faster," Oliver

said pulse racing.They didn't talk till they got into Swedish. "That was the first time I didn't feel safe

here," Xander said face drawn."I'm small I rarely feel safe," Paul said."Yet, you stood up to Sharron and Samantha?" Xander

asked."What happened?" Oliver asked."When Sharron and Sam were all freaked out that Sean

was going off with you that first time they got protective," Xander said."By protective he means inappropriately aggressive

because of their size," Paul said."Well, Paul's a little spit fire, you better watch

yourself Xander," Oliver said.The front desk said that they could go up.When they reached the room, Ken had arrived with blankets

and toiletries for Mr. and Mrs. Miller."He's dreaming and his system seems to be flushing

everything he can't metabolize," Pence explained as they arrived,

"the urea is not overly discolored, so his kidneys probably haven't been

permanently damaged.""Praise the Alpha," Mr. Miller said."I wish I could stay but I have my rounds,"

Pence said."You have been wonderful honey, thank you," Mrs.

Miller said then gave him a warm hug.Ken had started talking to Paul about the way they

managed their different businesses. Xander had pulled Neal aside and Oliver

didn't know where they were now. It was just him and the Miller's.Oliver gathered his courage and stepped up next to Sean's

bed by them, then said, "I... I wanted to apologize to you both and to Sean.""What for?" Mrs. Miller asked."He took my meds, and they interacted with

his," Oliver said heart racing faster than when they were attacked in the

street."Young man, mistakes happen, Sean will be ok, we

know he'll forgive you, he has a good heart," Mr. Miller said.Mrs. Miller was holding Sean's paw she took Oliver's and

held them all together."You think so?" Oliver asked."Yes, when things get personal, Sean forgives,"

Mrs. Miller said squeezing his paw."Well can you both forgive me, I'm sorry that I hurt

your son," Oliver said.Mr. Miller said, "The Alpha forgives, and we do as

well."Could the Alpha and

the Prime be the same as so many Universalists claim, my parents aren't

forgiving. Maybe if we talked and they understood, they would be, Oliver

prayed silently, "Alpha are you the Prime? Prime are you the Alpha?" 

He got no answer, they stood there in a silent

vigil, with Mrs. Miller holding his and Sean's paw.