The Quest for the Holy Dildo #28

Story by bluedraggy on SoFurry

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#32 of Holy Dildo

In which the Quest is completed, Devilah learns TMI, and a discussion does NOT ensue concerning the pros and cons of realism in sex toy design and implementation.

And lots of gratuitous butt shots.


| "How on earth did they..." started Devilah.

"How did he?" finished Faniel.

"I'd better figure out some way to keep this frozen. You know, this is more than I could get out of any man in a year, with maximum use!"

Devilah then remembered the note in her hand and continued reading. | | | "'However, Paarthurnax sends his best as well, which we're fairly sure will more than make up for Wulfgar.'"

The stared at the container again.

"This is getting me horny," Devilah admitted.

"Hey, we're guests of the Jarl and his new Queen," Faniel said. "Let's get a servant to take this out and keep it cold." | | | "Okay - just... let me grab a sip of Bolli," Devilah said, snatching a bottle.

"Down the hatch!" Devilah laughed as she downed the contents.

"So? How is it?"

Devilah tasted the liquid like a fine wine connoseur. "Cool, but not stale at all. More like Argonian spunk in that respect, but still definitely from the prostate and balls of a man. And the unique taste of Bolli comes through loud and clear as well. I can get used to this! Here, you want to try some?"

Faniel responded, backing away with a queasy look on her face, "No thank you Devilah!" | | | Sampson woke up later, and they decided not to mention the delivery. Instead, Devilah and Sampson got dressed and they all went down to the great hall where the Jarl and Muz-Ra were holding court, Muz-Ra now wearing a circlet to denote her new rank as Queen. Muz-Ra motioned them to a side room, closed the door behind her and sat on the bed.

"Now, what is this all about? What is it you're looking for? We're not in the habit of stealing you know. It's unlikely whatever it is that you're looking for is here."

"It's here your Grace. I could walk directly to it if you like. In fact, it's in your bedroom." Faniel said quietly. | | | Muz-Ra didn't fail to notice the courtesy and smiled at Faniel before inquiring, "In my bedroom? What on earth are you talking about?"

"A dildo," Devilah said flatly. "Pretty large, black. About this big. A button on the bottom that makes it vibrate if the batteries haven't run out."

"BLACK BEAUTY!" Muz-Ra said, eyes widening. | | | "You know it then?"

"Well of course I know it. A girl doesn't forget a thing like that. Not once it's been inside her."

"Hey! That was my dildo!" Devilah protested.

"Well I sure as hell didn't know whose it was! It's not like I don't WASH it you know." | | | "Well I should hope so!" Devilah said, calming down.

"Considering some of the holes it's been in..."

"NO! Don't tell me. You used there?"

"Well, yeah. And..."

"What, there's more?"

"Well, let's see... I had to loan it to my friend Ubergard..." | | | "The giant Argonian? Well, she seems alright..."

"And then there was that time I used it on the Jarl..."

"Not up his..."

"You should have seen his reaction when I stuck it in! It's a great prostate massager..."

Devilah let out a little choked scream.

"Yeah," Muz-Ra said cheerfully. "Pretty much like that!" | | | "How'd it end up here anyway?" Muz-Ra asked, turning to Faniel.

"Long story," said Faniel. "And don't look so sad Devilah. She said she keeps it clean."

"But it was my little Sparky. We... shared many happy hours together."

"Sorry kitten," Muz-Ra said, looking contrite. | | | "Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know. But I'll never be able to look at it the same way again."

"By the way, the batteries died a long time ago. At least, it stopped vibrating. But it still does... something."

"That's the Essence. That's what I'm doing here. I need to return it to where it belongs." | | | "Well, wait here for a minute. I need to explain to the Jarl, then I'll go get it."

In fact, she was gone for quite a while before she returned.

"Here it is, good as new," she said while handing over the dildo to Devilah. "Well, maybe not good as new but clean anyway."

Devilah took the dildo and sat it upright on a table. | | | "That it?" Muz-Ra asked.

"Yes. That's it," Devilah said. "Faniel?"

The angel hadn't taken her eyes off the dildo since Muz-Ra had brought it into the room. "Yes," she said, "The Essence is there."

"Doesn't look much like a penis," Sampson noted, causing all three females to look at him with menacing looks.

"Well it doesn't!" | |