Slutcat and Sworddog #2
#4 of Slutcat
In-Keeping with Ralof
In which Slutcat and Sworddog take on the Imperial Captain. And Ralof helps. A little.
|
Slutcat stepped into the keep with Sworddog close behind. The stormcloak, Ralof, was bending over a body but stood when she entered.
"That thing was a dragon. No doubt. Just like the children's stories and the legends. The harbingers of the End Times."
Slutcat cocked her head to the side. "Do you think? What was it that gave it away? Probably that whole breathing fire thing, huh?"
Ralof ignored her and continued, "May as well take Gunjar's gear... he won't be needing it anymore. Alright, get that armor on and give that axe a few swings. I'm going to see if I can find some way out of here."
Slutcat tried to put on the dead Stormcloak's armor but was failing miserably while Sworddog sat watching her amused. "Maybe you can stick your tail out between the top and bottom?" he offered helpfully.
"Dammit, no that doesn't work. It's a one-piece. I'll try and keep it tucked in," she mused while Ralof looked around for a way out.
Slutcat finally got the outfit mostly on and looked at Sworddog, "What do you think?"
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, the armor fell off her shoulders and pooled into a big pile at her feet. The dog just shook it's head. "Too big even with your boobs!"
Slutcat climbed out of the useless armor and knelt to pick up the axe. Though she did manage to get it off the ground, the head steadfastly refused to rise much higher than her ankles.
"Jeeze, this thing weighs a ton!"
"You've got no upper body strength Slutcat," the dog stated as Slutcat turned to her with a mournful look.
"Maybe if I..." she said and started spinning around. The head of the axe did rise above the ground a bit further before she lost her grip and the weapon went clattering across the floor, nearly hitting Sworddog.
"HEY! WATCH IT!"
"SHHH!" Ralof spat, motioning them to the side of the door. "It's the Imperials! Take cover!"
Slutcat and Sworddog squatted to one side while Ralof drew his own weapon on the other side. The woman who strode in was quite familiar in her Captain's armor. She turned and saw Slutcat cowering while her companion met Ralof's surprise assault. "YOU!" she cried, brandishing a mean looking sword.
Quickly, Slutcat finished doing something with Sworddog's tail, then she rolled out of the way of the Captain's swing, but the Imperial was a trained swords-woman and was upon her again in a second. The sword flashed again. It connected, unlikely as it may have been, with Slutcat's vest which stopped the heavy blade as if stopping a toothpick.
The Captain stopped and looked closely at her sword, "What the hell?"
But Slutcat didn't waste any time wondering what had happened and ran to the most distant point from her foe available, which happened to be just on the other side of the battling Ralof and the other Imperial. The Khajiit peered between the two as the Captain came forward, renewed hatred in her eyes. But Slutcat just maneuvered so the two fighting men stayed between her and the Captain. She could see the Captain was getting angry too. She stuck her tongue out. "NYAAA!"
The Captain's face began to show red and she ran full speed towards the cat to the left of the others, but Slutcat was nothing if not swift. She moved deftly to put them back between her and the Captain, then turned around and slapped her own ass. "NYAAA NYAAA!"
Fury radiated from the captain like flame. In a rage she crashed full into the two men, sword drawn. Unfortunately for the Imperial soldier, the sword was on his side and sliced his neck cleanly as the Captain barreled through, no heed given to her fellow who was now on the ground and bleeding his last. For his part, Ralof was on the ground himself and gasping to get his breath back after the full speed collision with the armored Captain.
But Slutcat wasn't watching all this. She was running as fast as she could around the perimeter of the circular room, her eyes now wide with fear. But a table blocked her path and the Captain advanced ruthlessly.
"Sworddog!" cried the Khajiit, now with nothing between her and death. The sword came barreling in, not with a slash that might be avoided but a direct thrust meant to skewer.
It hit Slutcat's belt buckle and stuck there. Slutcat looked at the Captain in wonder. The Captain looked at Slutcat in disbelief, then back to the sword and pulled it away from the belt and struck again. Once again, it hit the belt buckle. "WHAT THE FUCK?" screamed the enraged Imperial, looking at her sword like it had betrayed her.
Meanwhile Slutcat had dropped to her knees. "Fetch the mouse Sworddog!" she cried incongruously then rolled away from the dog as fast as she could.
Sworddog had walked calmly up behind the Captain before her master's command had come. Then she began looking for a mouse. She found it very nearby. But when she turned to try and fetch it, it scampered away. But not far. So she turned some more. And it scampered some more. Then she took after it in earnest, while the fake mouse tied to her tail flew ever out of her reach. The dog was spinning now at full speed, snapping at the never-quite-near-enough toy.
And then Slutcat kicked the Captain over. The odds of one of Sworddog's swords actually managing to wound the fully armored Imperial were slim to none. But in his mad whirling dervish spin the odds were just slightly increased. The Captain fell awkwardly and as she hit the floor, a sword struck her point-first in the face. She had time to let out a gurgle before she was gone.
"NYAAA NYAAA NYAAAA" Slutcat taunted the dead Imperial one last time as Sworddog stopped spinning. Then she turned to the dog. "Here girl!"
Sworddog panted up to her, glancing back every so often at the mouse that refused to be fetched. She was pleased when Slutcat removed its string from her tail and gave it to him directly. The taste of rubber was disappointing, but expected.
Ralof was standing, looking perplexed. "Why in hell are you not dead?"
"Inverse proportionality rule," Sworddog said between chews on the rubber toy.
"The WHAT?"
"Inverse proportionality rule. Of course you wouldn't know about that. You're male. Doesn't work for me either. (chew chew). Gotta have boobs."
"What is the inverse proportionality rule?" Ralof asked while looking at the dead Captain.
"The skimpier the armor, the greater the protection. It's a universal rule in this age of Tamriel from what I can tell," the dog concluded, then attacked the rubber mouse again.
Slutcat laughed. "And my armor is just about the skimpiest you can get!"
She kicked the steel breastplate of the Captain. "She apparently didn't know the rule."
Rajolf shook his head and bent to retrieve anything the Captain had in her inventory that might be of use. Sure enough there was a key. There was always a key.
"You want anything? That armor is valuable."
Slutcat began to remove the armor from the dead Captain. "Oh my! Going commando in full plate armor? Sworddog, this lady may have been the bravest woman in Skyrim. She was truly a woman after my own heart. In different circumstances, Captain, we would have made great friends. A moment of silence for her..."
"You're not going to wear her armor?" Ralof asked.
"Nope," Slutcat said cheerily while getting to her feet. "I'm good! Besides, you wouldn't want me to cage these puppies would you?" She wiggled her breasts at him for emphasis.
Rajolf shook his head. "This is not the time, nor the place for that! Let's get out of here before more come! What's your name anyway?"
"The name is Cat. Slut Cat."
