Roadside Attraction
#3 of Roadside Series
AJ has broached the question of a date to Dakota, and after some hesitation the stallion agrees; with boundaries. Now that she has an evening to look forward to him, and after a phonecall from her mother, two questions linger- what will she learn about the stallion; and how can she be content when she finally leaves her ex-fiancee.
Lyrics (C) RHCP
"I know you don't doubt what I said about driving a truck being hard," Dakota said, as he and AJ ambled along the dirt path behind the trucker rooms. "But I don't think I explained it well enough to convey how hard it is. Just getting your CDL can take two or three months, cost about $5,000 to get educated if you don't have a source of financial aid- which I didn't- and your first year will require you to be assigned to the less-favorable routes that can make or break rookies just by the schedule alone. First-year drivers are almost never assigned partners, either- even people like me don't get partners, if their employers can't afford it. Having to sit on your ass for eight to twelve hours can wreak havoc on your body, unless you spend time each day working out like I do. And that's not even talking about the limited about of hometime," he added.
"Hometime?"
"Truck drivers sometimes gotta work seventy hours in eight days, and a lot of companies don't let you drive longer than eleven hours per day. Once you hit seventy hours, you're not allowed to drive for at least a day and a half; and after you've finished several weeks, you'll get a few days of hometime to actually relax wherever you live." The stallion jammed his hands in his pockets. "That's a bit difficult when you're not exactly welcome back home, though."
"Do you enjoy it, at least?" AJ asked, keeping step with him.
"I like where it takes me," he said. "Even if I only ever get a day or so explore, I don't regret being able to travel there. I just regret having to do it solo, and constantly being on the move instead of being allowed to linger a little. As you can imagine, it doesn't leave me much time to fraternize or build a relationship." He chuckled, shaking his head. "It was a hard lesson, learning that."
"It sounds like it," she said sympathetically, as he led her to a bench just to the side of a currently-unused playground.
"What about you, though?" he asked, taking a seat. "Do you have any difficulties with your job?"
She nodded, sitting next to him. "Sometimes. You learn quick enough that any demographic you're working for requires you to have an ear tuned specifically for certain kinds of music. Put simply, drawing in customers means using the same genre of music they enjoy- even if you outright hate it. Sometimes that means keeping up to date with pop culture, but other times it means listening to the same thing over and over again, until you get sick of it." She stared out into the distance. "I wish I could have traveled to other parts of the country, studied music a little more based on location and culture, and not have to blast my ears with dubstep and boy bands all day. Maybe I'd stop in New Orleans and study the birthplace of jazz; or Memphis, for rock and roll."
"Guess it'd be easy if either of us could trade places, if only for a little while," the stallion suggested with a quiet chuckle. "It'd make what you suggested a more feasible."
"Probably," she agreed. "If nothing else, it would give you the time to commit to what you want out of life."
It was now noon, and the pair had spent most of it in discussion. Dakota had been reluctant to give AJ a straight answer to the question she'd posed that morning, but the doe was not impatient for one, simply smiling and letting the discussion go where it would; both in terms of topic and location, as they ambled around the truck stop. In that time they talked about old flames, relationships that never gained ground, or falling out of touch with dear friends; family they'd grown apart from; the lives the led that were not quite as satisfying as they continued to tell themselves. But strangely enough, these discussions felt soothing to have; for while they did indeed speak of what connections and opportunities they lost, it made it a little easier to focus more on what those relationships had given them instead- what remained, beyond experiences and possessions, was the fact that neither of them were exactly where they wanted to be.
In a way, that truth felt more liberating than it did restrictive. At least now they felt compelled to seek out something more.
"So... a date," the stallion said, rubbing the back of his neck as he wore a confused smile and looked out into the vast stretch of desert before them- he finally seemed ready to answer. "I admit, that was not what I was expecting you to say, earlier."
"Is it too soon, do you think?" AJ asked. "I'm sorry if it seemed a little on-the-spot, considering how recently we just met."
"And_how_ we met," the stallion added. "And how things have been going since. I'm not going to lie, the prospect interests me. But I'm also a bit afraid of whether or not it's genuine, or how long it'll last; and I'm curious as to what prompted you to make that decision. I'd have thought you were still reeling from learning your fiancee was cheating on you." He paused. "Sorry- ex-fiancee."
AJ nodded, watching a pair of feral armadillos waddling towards each other. "I thought about what you'd said about taking the road less-traveled, finding out where it takes you," she admitted. "Something about that just clicked for me. I don't want to spend my time here moping in a hotel room until it's time for me to leave. I feel like I'd rather take a chance on someone like you, to take that opportunity before I lose it."
"I can appreciate that, but... you mentioned that you were in heat," he pointed out with a frown. "Adding that in with a recent heartbreak, that's two sources that could emotionally unbalance you. And I just want to be clear, I'm not saying that you can't be emotionally stable even after tanking two hefty blows like that; but I don't expect many could. I know _I_couldn't," he admitted quietly, looking back to her again. A hint of pain was in his eyes, causing the doe's stomach to knot slightly. "I just... don't want you to rush into decisions like I did."
Guilt welled up in the doe as she scooted along the bench, getting closer to him. "I don't feel like what I'm doing is a mistake. Maybe it's a sudden decision, but I still think it's a reasonable one," she said gently. "You've been nothing but kind to me."
"You've only known me a day," the stallion sighed- but he did not move away from her. Before them, the armadillos were snuffling at each other slowly, approaching with caution and seemingly unaware of the pair watching them. "I'm not sure you know enough about me. You were worried that moving in with your ex-fiancee three months into your relationship, and then getting engaged a month later, was too fast. At best, you'll have only known me for three _days_before you go back to California- at which point, I'm not likely to see you again." He swallowed. "And... I don't want that. I don't want to be _just_an opportunity, not to you."
He shivered, and for the first time since she'd met him the stallion looked vulnerable, hunched over with his eyes cast to the ground. He had, in the short time since she'd known him, been a pillar to keep her up, willing to hold her as she cried and weathered the storm of a devastating heartbreak; and then offered his advice and compassion, looking out for her when she needed it. Now he looked uncertain, concerned- even a little fearful of what was happening. The doe felt ashamed, now understanding that he was worried he was being taken advantage of in service to her getting over a breakup; a temporary rebound to aid in her recovery, a salve to soothe the hurt at his expense. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel that way.
She reached out, putting her hand on his wrist. "I'd like for you to be honest with me, Dakota. Do you like me?"
The stallion looked up at her, and though there was still a little pain in his eyes he nodded and smiled. "Hell yeah I do. You're smart, beautiful, loyal to people you care about, and you've been great to talk to. I've been sticking it out at the hub talking with you instead of hanging out in my semi cab reading, something I usually don't do. Anytime I have interaction with people, it's never been so... deep. It's different, with you. That's why I want something a little more than just a brief moment out in the middle of a desert oasis."
"I like you too," she admitted, sliding her hand into his and glancing back at the critters- both seemed to be more relaxed, with one following the other deeper into the wilderness, disappearing behind an outcrop of rocks. "You helped me when I needed a shoulder to cry on and words to keep me centered, despite knowing me only a few hours; and I enjoy your perspective and advice. I know for a fact that I'd be much worse-off if you weren't around to help me get through it. So... I would _love_to spend time getting to know you better. And maybe in the process spark something deeper than what I had before, even with the limited time we have."
Dakota stared at her, his expression unreadable as he gazed into her eyes. He seemed to be looking for something, whether it was an expression belying how she felt, or some assurance that she was being forthright. She did not look away. The stallion had been honest with her, revealed enough of himself that she was willing to give him as much as she could in kind.
He straightened up after about a minute, then squeezed her hand and smiled. "Alright... the grill is having a pool and karaoke night tomorrow. I'm going to treat you to it, and get to know you a bit better."
She smiled back . "Thank yo--"
"Under a few conditions," he added, holding up a hand.
She cocked her head, ready to agree to anything. "I'm open to hearing them. If you'd rather think of it as two friends, and _just_friends, going out to have a good time, I'm fine with that."
"Well... maybe I want it to be _more_than that, and I'm too much of a nice guy to ask," he suggested hopefully, shifting his position and facing her directly. "I'd prefer to put some work into a relationship, and to set some ground rules- for my peace of mind, I guess. So that I know that whatever happens is genuine."
"As someone who is hoping for something more out of this than just friends, I understand," she said. "What do you have in mind?"
He hesitated for a few moments. "First... after dinner and enjoying ourselves, you and I have to go to the bar and do three shots each. Then, we talk. Get some personal questions going. You get the phone out and start recording, so that anything you want to know about me, I'm either honest about, or you can tell if I'm lying about it based on my expression. And I'll do the same."
"That's... an interesting request," she replied, arching an eyebrow.
"Trust me, it's harder to lie when you're buzzed than when you're sober," he told her. "But if you have reservations, like... if you're worried that I'd be doing it just to get you drunk and take advantage of you, then we'll even ask the bartender to keep an eye on us, just to make sure things don't get too crazy."
"I don't believe you'd ever do that to me," AJ insisted firmly. "If you were some sexual predator you would have had your way with me last night while I was vulnerable, emotionally compromised, in the middle of my heat, and ready to do anything just to feel wanted and sexually fulfilled." She swallowed, blushing vividly. "I mean... it's not like I wasn't thinking about it last night, on some level."
His eyes widened. "You... thought about me like that? Assaulting you?"
"Huh? No!" she said, sitting up quickly. "No, I didn't mean-- oh fuck..." She winced, hoping she could clarify it better. "I wasn't expecting at any point that you'd take advantage of me, no. But... I did think about you after," she admitted timidly. "Physically. And.... consensually."
The stallion looked away, his face darkened with a bit of red as he let out a slight nicker of surprise- with a nervous smile on his face. "I'm... strangely okay with that. Although that's awfully bold of you to admit, AJ."
"I'm just trying to be honest with you," she said, beaming despite her own anxiety. "I trust you not to take advantage of me. You deserve that trust for what you've done, just like you deserve to set the boundaries on this if it means I can win _your_trust. I can agree to your idea. What else did you want to add?"
"Well... I know your car will be fixed up by tomorrow, but since you've told me you aren't going to follow through with your trip east, the second thing I would like is for you to stay here for another five days after. I don't think I'd be content with just a single date- not with you." He looked up hopefully. "That's on you, though. I can't make you stay here, and I'm not going to stop you from leaving. At the same time, though, I want enough time to be able spend knowing you, getting closer. I'm not going to get another chance at this, even if I do see you again. I hope you can understand that."
To AJ, it was a reasonable request. She did not blame him for wanting some assurance that she'd be around long enough for both to forge a better connection and spend as much time enjoying each other's company. "I can do that. After everything that's happened, I was thinking about hanging around anyway. It's lonely enough for both of us on the road, I'm a little keen on having some companionship now, even if it's out in the middle of nowhere."
"That's great," he said, looking relieved. "Third, I want you to take all of the rest of today for yourself, without me."
"I'm not smothering you, am I?" she asked, feeling doubtful as she pinned her ears back and shrunk back from him.
"Not at all," he clarified quickly, putting a friendly hand on her shoulder. "I love hanging out with you, and I want to do it _alot_more. But I don't doubt you're still feeling a little raw about your recent heartbreak. A little time apart would give you a chance to think things through, make any arrangements you need, and for me to get a little preparation done for when I have to eventually leave. I figure you might want time alone to process things, just in case. It'll just be for today, and then five days to spend."
It was more than a satisfactory answer, and she nodded. "Alright. I think I could use a day to just... relax. Maybe see if they've got some good ice cream and pig out a bit while seeing what's on the TV- or on my phone."
"There you go, a _classic_means of getting over a breakup. Watch a funny video with kittens, a few comedies, maybe hit up the arcade and shoot zombies while you pretend the undead legions are your ex and his family," the stallion said approvingly, getting a laugh from the doe. "We'll meet up around 5 PM tomorrow and go from there. And the last thing..." A moment of hesitation followed, with the stallion rubbing the back of his neck again.
She cocked her head. "Is it... relevant to sex?" she asked, blushing a little.
"Kind of? Not exactly," he said slowly, looking away with a slightly sheepish grin. "It _might_be relevant. It's just... depending on how this goes, I want you to promise that if it goes too far or too fast for you, or if it makes you feel uncomfortable at any point... tell me to stop. And if I tell you the same, you stop as well. No pressuring for anything- we either agree to it, or we don't do it."
"No arguments from me," she remarked, scooting in closer. "I'll hold back if I do anything makes you uncomfortable, you have my word- not that I can think anything that _would_make you uncomfortable," she chuckled.
"Oh, believe me," he smiled wanly, "in some of my desperate, failed attempts at sparking a little on the road, I've made the mistake of sticking my dick in crazy. You're not even _close_to them, but they helped make it clear where my limits are. Moreover," he added seriously, squeezing her hand, "I don't want to risk hurting you, even accidentally. Setting that boundary keeps both of us safe."
"I appreciate that," she said, leaning against him. Dakota stiffened, but though he did seem a little awkward he looked far from unhappy. "Can I make two requests of my own?"
"Shoot."
"Do you sing?"
"Badly," the stallion laughed, shaking his head. "Even though music is about the only thing I've got to keep me occupied on the road, I try_not_ to sing- I don't have the voice for it, and I'd prefer not to mentally scar anybody."
"Well... I'd like for you to do one song during karaoke, is the first thing. It can be any song you want, you don't have to impress me." She gave him a smile. "I just want to know what you sound like when you're expressing yourself."
"If you promise not to mock me over it," the stallion said with a reluctant smile, "then alright. I'll do _one_song. And the other?"
Her smile broadened. "Let me thank you properly, the way I should have this whole time."
And before he could say anything, she leaned in and wrapped her arms around him in a warm, tight hug. It took only a few seconds for her to feel him respond in kind, a content sigh escaping his muzzle as he held her close.
AJ immediately followed the stallion's advice to give spend the rest of the day apart so she could rest up and relax, and it was not long before she started to appreciate how good of an idea it had been. In many ways the doe felt strange; not as a result of her lingering estrus, but because circumstances in her life had changed so abruptly and thoroughly without notice, that it felt hard to believe she was still Allison Jean Tilton. In only twenty-four hours she had gone from being an engaged doe on her way to meet her fiancee's family, to a doe that had discovered her fiancee cheating and was now ready to move on with her life by dating a handsome stallion she'd only met the previous day. It should have been an agonizing shock, but her head wasn't spinning; instead, she felt an odd sort of pleasant energy, a rush of freedom that could only come from looking forward to a better future with limitless possibilities- of doing something new and unexpected.
Not that she was a stranger to ice-cream binging and watching TV in her pajamas- or in this case, frozen yogurt and watching funny internet videos while naked, she mused, a spoon in her mouth as she typed up search queries on her laptop. It was close to sunset and she had just struck the enter key to look for sports flubs when her phone went off.
She glanced at it, feeling a tightness in her stomach as she expected to see Richard's face on the screen. When her eyes instead fell on a portrait of her mother (an elder doe with brown hair and pince-nez glasses), the lurch vanished and she grinned, snatching the device up and accepting it without question. "Hi mom!" she chirped, feeling better.
"Hello, Allison," the elder doe said warmly. "I hope I caught you at a good time, I figured you'd be off the road and in a hotel by now."
"Well... you're not wrong," the doe said fairly, looking at her surroundings. "I'm just setting down for the night with some videos and frozen yogurt. How are you and dad?"
"We're fine, although your dad has been eager to see you. I supposed he really wanted to send you off right with a dinner, but your fiancee's trip was rather abrupt. He'll want you to come visit when you get back. It sounds like I caught you in a good mood, I'm guessing your trip has been going well? You should be in the Texas panhandle by now, if I remember right."
"Ugh, I wish I was," the doe sighed. "My trip has been a nightmare- I hit three hours of traffic around Needles and got pulled over in Arizona before they let me off. Now I've hit massive car trouble, one of my engine belts snapped. The mechanic says it's a quick job, but he won't have the part until tomorrow, so I'm staying five more days at this truck stop hotel."
"Are you alright?" she asked, sounding genuinely concerned. "If you need me to wire you any money to pay for it, you know your father and I can help you, like always."
"I'm..." she trailed off, frowning a little as she thought about how best to speak about her current situation. "Financially, I'll be okay. I've got a good job, I can cover it."
"I assume Richard already has you covered?" came the chilled query- it was no secret that her mother did not think much of the stag, mainly due to his unwillingness to spend time with AJ's family. "If not, I'll want to have words with that man when you return. I personally think he should have traveled with you instead of worrying about his cousin- if she lived in Brooklyn, she could clearly take care of herself."
"No, he hasn't," AJ told her, setting her frozen treat aside and leaning back against the bed's headboard. Her next words were quiet- even knowing how Richard had betrayed her and lied to her over the phone, it still felt terrible thinking on it. "Mother... things have changed. Alot."
There was a pause on the other end, her mother clearly hearing the hurt in her voice. "What's wrong, Allison?" the elder woman asked gently.
Throughout her life, AJ's mother had been a figure in her life in whom she could confide anything, regardless of how serious or trivial. So while it initially took a few moments to start (and another moment to put her half-eaten pint of frozen yogurt in the mini-fridge), she began to tell her story starting with her car breaking down. For the next half-hour, AJ recounted everything that had happened: her phone being stolen before Dakota had intervened; spending a large amount of time talking to the stallion and enjoying his company; Richard not calling or even texting to check up on her after she'd informed him through text that she'd nearly be robbed; and, though it took a few minutes of hesitation to tell her, Richard revealing his infidelity unknowingly and almost certainly and intentionally fathering a child with his cousin. All the while her mother remained quiet and did not interrupt, only informing her with care that she was still on the line and ready to listen when AJ found it difficult to continue.
"And because of that," she finished dully, "I've decided I'm... not going to continue my trip to North Carolina. There's no point."
"Oh Allison," the elder doe sighed. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Mark my words, I'll make sure everyone I know hears about his lack of loyalty. You deserved better than what you got from him."
"I agree," the doe said, her voice hardening. "But as much as it hurts, I refuse to let him make me unhappy, so I'm doing my best to move on."
"Hence the frozen yogurt and videos you mentioned," her mother said, seeming to catch on. "That's my girl. Have you decided what to do when you get back?"
"I'm going to move out and rent a storage unit for my stuff, then look for a place of my own again," AJ informed her.
"Well, you're always welcome back home, no matter how long it takes," the older doe offered her.
"Thank you, mom, but I'll be fine. I just wish I knew why Richard even bothered in the first place, if he was going to this to me," she sighed.
"Silly girl," the elder doe chided with what sounded like a smile. "If love wasn't a factor at any point from his position, he'd still have gotten engaged assuming there was something in it for him- like a substantial tax break, if he could get you to stop working and pop out a few kids."
"_Please_don't say that," AJ shuddered- where once the thought had been enticing, it only sickened her now.
"The point I'm getting at is he likely wanted some kind of stability and comfort in his life, or any number of boons that marriage provides- inheritance, social security, reputation and the social status that comes from being the son-in-law of a wealthy family. Mind you, I'm only looking at this from a business perspective, because if he cared enough about family, he might have at least had the decency to see us more often; so I can only assume his key interest was the benefits it brings. It's possible he may _like_you, but it's clear he does not respect you."
"I hate the idea that most or all of our relationship was based on what he wanted from it, and not what he wanted to give," AJ said sadly, remembering how quickly things seemed progress despite any reservations she had; be it moving in together, abrupt decisions to meet his family, or proposing to her four months after meeting her.
For a few moments there was silence, and in that time AJ got the feeling her mother was hesitating to speak. "I'm going to tell you something you may be surprised to hear, at least from me."
"What's that?" AJ asked.
"Marriage is bullshit."
"... Wait, what?"
"I know, I know," the elder woman sighed, intercepting the question AJ was simply too stunned to ask. "If that was really the case, why would I be married to your father? The truth is that I love him with all my heart, and the thirty-odd years of marriage we've had were completely worth it. But that's only because the vows we both made were ones we were comfortable with- boundaries we had every intention of respecting, a nice little cage that we were comfortable sharing. I'm content with it. But it's _not_necessary in life."
"You really believe that?" AJ asked skeptically.
"If the social pressure to enter a union with your father hadn't been so prevalent, the both of us would have been just as happy remaining single- and together. Being in love, having children, and growing old together were _never_dependent on being married. Had things turned south, in fact, it would have been far worse. We might have lost _all_of those things in a divorce. It may be for the best that you're breaking things off this soon."
"Maybe, but I still I feel like I've lost time."
"You have- but what's four months out of the rest of our lives?" she countered. "And now you're free to live as you'd like. Love who and how you want, and never feel obligated to other people unless you're willing to commit to them. That, more than anything, is what causes me to despise Richard. By getting engaged, he entered a personal bond with you and you alone. If he had no intention of honoring that promise, then he had no business making it in the first place- better if he had just remained an intimate friend, than take advantage of you for his own gain under the pretense of love and hurting you in the long run."
The younger doe hesitated. "... Do you really mean what you said, about me loving who I want and how I want?"
"I do, sweetheart," she replied.
The doe steeled herself. "So what if I told you that tomorrow I'm going on a date?"
There were a few seconds of silence, followed by a genuinely amused chuckle. "Well, I'm certainly glad you got over Richard _that_fast. You don't need my permission- but you have my approval, as long as you're responsible about it."
"Thank you, Mom," AJ smiled. "That does mean a lot to me."
"You'll have my support always, dear. So, who is the lucky man? That stallion you mentioned, Dakota, I think?"
"That's the one," AJ confirmed, blushing and smiling. "It's weird, I feel like I know him better than I knew Richard, like I've shared more about who I am- and after everything he's done to help me, I feel like I owe it to myself and to him to take a chance. Is that... weird? Dating someone a day after you find out your fiancee is cheating?"
"To me, it says you may now realize how little your relationship with Richard was worth, even if you valued it before," she suggested. "You have every right to seek out something better, though I will ask if you've talked to your ex about this yet."
"No, not yet," AJ admitted. "At first I just wanted to call him up and yell at him, but it wouldn't change things. Now I just want to forget about him, head back home and pack things up. Just leave him and everything about him behind."
"You don't need to wait to be able to do that. And you shouldn't just let this stand, he needs to be dealt with somehow. At some point, you _will_need to confront him- scumbag though he may be, he at least deserves that much."
"I'm not looking to get into any more drama, mother," she replied firmly. "Attacking or confronting him would just make the breakup more bitter than it needs to be, and I'd rather spend my energy just trying to be happy with myself than getting aggressive and becoming a bitch because of _his_personal flaws."
"Hmm." There was a pause. "That's a very mature position to take, Allison."
"You can chalk that lesson up to Dakota," she said, unable to keep her smile from forming.
"He sounds like he has the right idea, and to be honest I'm starting to like this young man the more I hear about him. If he's ever in town, I'd like to meet him- any man who looks after my baby girl when she needs it, is a man with whom I'd gladly shake hands and invite to dinner. But as sensible and positive as your stance is, to not want to confront your scumbag of an ex-fiancee, it _is_possible to be happy with yourself _and_get back at him."
"Realistically, he still wins, no matter how much I don't want him to- he still has his cousin and his own kid. Even if I wanted to show him up, how would I go about it?" she asked, leaning back and slumping.
"With dignity, class, and happiness Allison," the elder told her with a hint of a chuckle. "In the words of Frank Sinatra, 'the best revenge is massive success.' Don't live your life trying to prove Richard wrong, because chances are he'll end up doing that on his own; live your life proving you don't need him, and have never needed him. You've already taken the first step, assuming you aren't dating this Dakota gentleman just to get back at him. It doesn't sound like it, at any rate."
"No, not at all," AJ insisted, sitting up. "He's sweet, insightful, and he's shown me a lot of respect and care. And he genuinely seems interested in the work I do, the things I talk about. I never felt that way about Richard. In fact... most of the time when we talked, we focused more on..."
"On him," her mother finished. "Your father and I got that impression of him as well, when we met him. Which means he loves the attention, the idea of him getting the prizes he wants. He craves any source of admiration, even from himself; and loathes any situation that suggests he can be bested in any way, or which forces him to admit he's less than he insists he is. I'm sure you know what word we use to describe such people, my dear."
"Narcissism," AJ nodded.
"And in living the wealthy life, you learn one thing very quickly; narcissism does not know guilt, but it does know shame. If you don't know the difference, it's simple- he will brush off the idea that he did anything wrong. But he will _feel it_when he's looked on with derision and contempt. Even indifference will wound him. If you can find a way to do that, you will have bested him." There was a pause as her mother seemed to let the words sink it. "... But that's just my advice, dear. It's your life to live, and I'm hoping you'll at least be happy living it."
"Thank you, mother," the doe sighed, smiling broadly. "I don't know if I'll follow through, but I'll definitely try to enjoy myself for the next few days."
"A good start. Well, I'll let you go so you can relax and look forward to your date tomorrow. You have fun- and make sure he wears a condom! Or not, I still want grandchildren someday."
"Mom!" AJ shouted, her cheeks burning hot. "I've known him only a couple of days, now!"
"Oh calm down, dear," she chuckled. "There's nothing wrong with some great sex on the first date, no matter how many idiots say you shouldn't. You'll know when the time is right."
"I hope so... thanks for calling, mother. I think this helped me out a lot."
"I'm only doing as a mother should- but you're welcome. Call us when you get back home, or better yet, call _me_to let me know how your date went if you'd like."
"I will- I love you, mom."
"I love you too, Allison. Take care."
"Bye." The call ended and she set her phone aside.
For a few minutes, AJ sat back against the headboard and mulled on her mother's words. While her advice had not compelled her to call Richard up and get an update from him, she couldn't deny that the idea of having him punished in some capacity was appealing. Dakota had only told her to stay her hand and be a better person so that she would not become bitter and jaded by biting back- but what her mother was suggesting was not necessarily 'biting back,' either. To move on and be happy would be healthy; and to render him unsatisfied and shamed would only be fair.
It intrigued her. The only question was how.
A thought occurred to her and she perked up, grabbing her phone again. No new notifications had popped up since she had spent the day to herself, but then, she had no expectations of Richard texting or calling her; not when he could put his focus towards infidelity. She quickly brought up the GPS phone locator app she'd used to find where he'd been calling from, picking his number again from the list- sure enough, he was still in New York City. There was no way to tell when he would leave unless she kept her focus on him every hour, and as far as she was concerned she had better things to do.
And with that in mind, she closed the app and started checking her phone's recent files. It only took a moment to find what she was looking for, a smirk on her face.
"Well, now. What have we here."
Her minor project only took a few hours to complete, after which she finally used the hub's shower stalls to clean herself up, then retreated back to her room for a full night's rest. She awoke the next morning with every intention of preparing herself as best as she could with limited resources at her disposal, only to eventually remember that her date was taking place at a bar and grill with karaoke. So used to expensive dinners and being shown off in social gatherings, the doe had been halfway into slipping into her dress before stopping short, throwing it aside, and tossing on a pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt. It wasn't until she got in front of the mirror to adjust her hair when she noticed the glint of light on her left hand.
She set down her brush and stared at the wedding ring with a frown. She'd been wearing the jewelry the entire time without thinking about it. Now aware of its presence, it took only a moment for her to pull the ring off, having half a mind to toss it down the drain. Instead, she flicked it over to the nearby table, resolving to deal with it later. Without sparing it any more thought, she crossed the room, grabbed her wallet, set her phone to silent, and walked right out the door with a bounce in her step.
Having not seen the stallion in over a day, AJ felt her chest flutter a little when she saw him sitting on a bench outside the side of the station, now dressed in a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt and looking slightly nervous. Nevertheless, his smile was wide when he noticed her approaching, getting to his feet and clearing his throat. "Uh... hey, AJ," he managed to say quietly.
"Hello, Dakota," she beamed. "Been waiting long?"
"More than a day, looking forward to this," he said with a chuckle. "You look great."
"Thanks," she replied, heart hammering in her chest- it was hard not to feel like she was a grade-school fawn on her first movie-date. "I nearly got gussied up for this, but then I thought you might not have cared, either. You look handsome."
The stallion blushed hard and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ahh... c'mon, you don't need to..."
"I'm being serious," she insisted warmly. "I've been looking forward to this as well. I don't want to impress or have a one-up contest. I just want to have fun- with you."
"So do I," Dakota said, holding out his hand with a smile. "Let's get started, then."
She smiled back, took his hand, and allowed herself to be led inside.
"So there I am at the wheel, with Miguel passed out after a twenty-six hour driving shift, his head in my lap and drooling like my grandmother after misplacing her dentures. I tried _so hard_to get the poor guy up and awake for about two hours, everything from slapping his face, blasting the radio, and calling up his old lady so she could scream at him to wake up. I honestly thought that last idea would work, and so did she; but after maybe four liquid energy shots and driving from Tucson to Tulsa, he was just out," the stallion chuckled. "All things considered, he's lucky I didn't report him to his employer, and luckier still that he hadn't crashed as a result."
"So what got you pulled over?" AJ pressed, leaning forward with rapt attention as she chewed on her last stuffed cabbage roll.
"So, I'm about halfway in the panhandle when I tried pushing him off my lap and back upright with one hand on the wheel. Stupid, I know, but like I said, this was my first year driving. Around then is when he started to shift like he was waking up, but in the process he stretches out and hits the emergency signal just as a state trooper gets onto the highway. I'm out on the side of the road about a minute later, still trying to get Miguel out of my lap, and the trooper figures there's somebody else in the semi with me. Sure enough, just as he's hollering at him to get up, Miguel wakes up and looks out the window with this huge string of drool hanging off his chin, looking like he'd just gone to town on me! I knew _exactly_what it looked like and thought 'aw shit, I'm goin' to jail.'"
"Oh my god!" AJ laughed. "You mean he thought that he was giving you... like..."
He nodded. "Yep, that's _exactly_what he though. The term we use is 'road head,' and it _does_happen, but you can lose your job over it; and if it's two guys doing it in Oklahoma, that's ten years because of their bullshit anti-gay laws. I denied it as loudly as I could, but he told me to get out of the vehicle and I did, with my jeans sopping wet at the crotch because this lug broke the driving rules and passed out. They searched for drugs and alcohol, of course they didn't find any, but tried arresting us for some bullshit same-sex crime. I told them to call Miguel's wife and thankfully they humored me. Ten minutes and an angry latina tirade later, we were off the hook," Dakota laughed, poking at his plate. "And I didn't stop chewing him out until we reached Amarillo and found a hotel. I made sure to book _two_rooms."
"That's insane," she said, shaking her head in amusement. "It's a good thing you bailed him out."
If AJ had the mind to let her thoughts stray on the date as it was thus far, she would have compared it to the dozens that Richard had taken her on. It would have been honest to say they were nice, amusing, and remarkably expensive; with plates that were delectable and unfulfilling, shows that were high-class and boring, and thrills that were easily bought but not made. She had enjoyed them then- but they paled in comparison to how much fun she was having now.
This was different, even though the only thing that had changed was that they were eating dinner among a lively crowd. Yet she had been so focused on her date that her thoughts never once strayed back to her ex. Not a minute had gone by without there being a smile on her face, whether from swapping stories about their youths or discussing their shared interests; and in the process, her anxieties and worries faded away. Even her heat, which before had been uncomfortable to bear, was easily forgotten while she was in Dakota's company. The warmth in her chest burned all the more as she saw him enjoying himself just as much, becoming more relaxed as time passed.
"So, any word on your car getting fixed?" Dakota asked.
"I got a text saying it'd be done later tonight," the doe said. "I told them it was fine, I'm not going anywhere for a few days anyway. Not that I'd want to."
"Yeah?" the stallion said hopefully. "So you're enjoying yourself then?"
"Very much, yes. I don't think I've ever been on a date where I've enjoyed the food or the company more than I have now. I don't believe in fate or destiny, but _some_kind of luck or fortune has to exist to have come across you while you were here," AJ suggested, pushing her empty plate away and leaning forward. "I don't want to spoil the mood by thinking about what would have happened if we _hadn't_crossed paths."
"Neither do I," Dakota said, leaning in as well. "And the scary part is that... I almost walked away."
"How so?"
The stallion clasped his hands. "I mean... I saw you when I first entered. Just this gorgeous doe sitting in a booth, listening to her music, looking a little lost but patient. I feel like any guy with more balls would have walked straight up to you and had a chat, but all I did was just look away, deciding not to bother a nice lady with a stranger's company. I just wanted to buy a pack of gum and some cream soda, then kick back in my cab for the rest of the day."
"You were interested in talking with me?"
"I would have loved to talk with you! But I just kind of chickened out and figured I wasn't worth your time, y'know? Then that little punk snatched your phone and I just... I knew I had to do something. I didn't give it a second thought, I just acted and followed my gut."
"I would have expected even brave men to back down from a thug with a knife," AJ said. "Why didn't you?"
"It was just a knife, and a switchblade at that," the stallion shrugged. "Living on a reservation, you see knives _much_longer and deadlier, and my grandad made sure his kin learned proper self-defense against them- with rubber toy knives, of course. I was taller, my arms were longer, and he was just a punk that pulled the weapon as a last resort, so I wasn't _too_worried."
"It was still you risking your life," AJ said quietly, placing her hand on his. "And nobody else did. Can I still think of you as a hero?"
"Ah, well..." The stallion blushed. "I mean... that's on you. You'd figure a hero would be more confident, right? I kinda wonder why you were set on dating someone like me in the first place, in fact, I always used to hear that most women prefer a guy with confidence."
"You are, when you need to be," AJ assured him with a smile. "And you're humble at all other times. I mean, politics are filled with creeps that talk a good game and get nothing done, boastful employees get promoted without the skills they need, and most women that fall for confidence alone end up unsatisfied by men who don't live up to their own hype. I feel like I've seen enough of the real you, doing a brave and right thing on reflex; not because you wanted to impress me, but because you were a good enough person to give a shit in the first place." She laughed. "Hell, even Superman had confidence issues."
"Superman didn't piss himself at the thought of having to get up on a stage and sing, did he?" he asked, casting a reluctant look to the currently occupied stage, where a young wolf was warbling the last few lines of an old disco tune.
"You'll be fine," she insisted firmly. "Don't focus on trying to impress anyone, just put your heart into whatever song you pick. Just one song and it'll be over- and you'll never have to sing in front of people again if you don't want to."
The bar broke out in moderate applause as the wolf waved to the onlookers and handed the mic to the bar's owner, an elderly female cow with a tablet in her other hand. "Alright, good performance, sweetie! Nobody's claimed the next spot, so if anyone is looking to handle the mic, here's your chance! If you need a few minutes, just come see me by the bar and I'll set you up- we've got over a thousand songs to choose from, just take your pick!"
AJ grinned and got to her feet. "We've got one over here!" she called out, pointing over to Dakota as a few heads turned their way.
"Bring him up here!"
As hesitant as Dakota looked, he did not pull back as AJ tugged him by the wrist up towards the stage. "Just pick something you're comfortable with, or that you like. Don't worry about the crowd, just try to enjoy yourself- or focus on me, if it helps. You know I won't think less of you."
"I'm holding you to that, AJ," the stallion replied, taking in a deep breath and jumping onto the stage, while the doe returned to her seat.
"Need me to pick something out for you, honey?" the cow offered, showing him a selection of songs on the tablet.
"Nah, I think I know what to look for," Dakota said uncertainly. "Anything under Red Ho-- there it is."
"That one? Good choice," the cow nodded approvingly, tapping the tablet. "There we go, good luck."
For a few seconds after the cow left, the stage was silent, and Dakota could not have looked more awkward and out-of-place. A brief feeling of uncertainty grew in AJ, the doe wondering if maybe she'd gone too far in insisting he do something he wasn't comfortable doing; but they had both promised they'd say no to anything that brought them out of their comfort zone, and the knowledge that he'd not backed out was enough for her to trust he was doing alright.
The speakers popped briefly, and a lone air guitar started playing gently. A trio of displays, angled so that everyone in the room could see them, displayed the name of the song- Under the Bridge. A fourth display, AJ knew, had to be in Dakota's line of sight, likely behind the other three facing him. But as the solo continued, she noticed he was staring directly at her; and continued to do so even when the lyrics started.
What he was singing, she realized, he already knew by heart.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the City of Angels
Lonely as I am, together we cry.
He was not professional, he had been honest. But AJ had heard the voices of hundreds of professionals, both natural and autotuned, and only rarely heard a singer that had any love for the music they were performing. What imperfections his voice might have had, which to the doe amounted to very little, were smoothed out by what was clearly a massive amount of appreciation for the song he was performing. And still, he did not look away.
I drive on the streets 'cause she's my companionship
I walk through the hills 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my goods deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry- now that is a lie
A pause in the lyrics, and Dakota drew back, taking a deep breath to calm himself. AJ braced herself, knowing where the piece was going from here and expecting the stallion to pour all he had into the performance. He straightened up, looking at AJ a few moments longer, before closing his eyes and letting himself be carried away by the lyrics.
I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
But take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
But take me to the place I love
Take me all the way...
And as he charged through the chorus with a clear and strong voice, AJ could hear the slight, lamenting undertone beneath the lyrics; an understanding of what they meant, and a connection to it all. It was not just that Dakota was expressing himself, she realized- there was a specific reason he had chosen this song. She took in every word he sang, until the piece swelled into a triumphant chorus that he followed through, almost seeming to ignore his surroundings.
Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away...
"Aaaand... thirty minutes. Still shaking?" AJ asked, feeling a slight buzz as she set her phone to record.
"Just a little," the stallion acknowledged, taking in steady breaths and flexing his fingers. "I work out every morning, but I'm not used to major adrenaline rushes like that. Damn, look at me... getting worked up over one song. I bet you'd sing a full set without breaking a sweat, right?"
"I've sung, but not in front of a crowd," she told him. "But I will if you want me to."
He chuckled. "I'll think about it."
They were now at the bar, the crowd having dispersed to one side of the facility to watch the pool players and sports playing on overhead displays. Dakota's performance had garnered a fairly strong applause, though AJ was certain she'd cheered the loudest. As agreed, the two had ordered six shots, explaining their plan to the feline bartender, who had agreed to keep watch over them as they talked. He was now sliding all six shot glasses back onto his tray. "Alright, those are your three shots each, I'll come by in ten minutes for your fourth and fifth. But if it looks like either of you are getting a little too touchy-feely, I'm cutting you off; and if it looks like you're buzzed enough, I'll cut the shots short, got it?" They both nodded and he lifted the tray. "Alright, I'm gonna serve my other customers, but I'm watching you." With that he left, taking orders from the only other people at the bar, on the opposite end.
The stallion gestured to her. "Well... ladies first."
AJ hesitated. "Are you... mad at me at all? For getting you up on the stage?"
He blinked, looking confused. "Why would I be mad? I mean, I'm not gonna lie and tell you it was comfortable, but we agreed we'd tell each other to stop if we were going outside of our comfort zone. I was nervous- but I was fine, AJ," he insisted.
"Alright... I just wanted to be sure," she said, sighing in relief. "You're a really sweet guy, I didn't want you to resent me."
"It's fine," the stallion said, his smile genuine. "In the end, I kind of liked being able to perform that. So now it's my turn- how did I do?"
"Honestly? You were great," she told him grinning. "You've got a rough voice, but that could always be polished with some work, and you made up for it with enthusiasm."
"You really mean that?" he asked, looking skeptical.
"I've listened to who the hell knows how many 'popular' vocalists talking about sex, boys, girls, and fame. I've heard so many fake, auto-tuned singers that don't give a rat's ass about the lyrics. You, though... you expressed yourself. And even in a professional setting, that matters. You did great, like I said," she finished, touching his hand.
"Thanks. It's a song I... well... it stuck with me, I guess," he said uncertainly. The way he said it brought a question to the doe's mind, but she pushed it back, intending to save it later. "Your turn."
"Alright... what's one thing that bugs you more than anything else?" she asked.
"That's an easy one," he said. "Speed-demon cars on any road. From a trucker's perspective, they're like hot potatoes- you don't know which one is going to end up crashing and burning, but it's going to be one of them. An SUV or a responsible mid-sized car is pretty safe, but most people who drive speedy compacts either stop short or hide out of sight of my mirrors- they have no idea how easily it could get them killed. I'm just glad I haven't gotten into an accident with one."
"I see... good, it means I'm probably safe with you in a car," she chuckled. "I'll count that as an upside. Your question."
"This one doesn't count, but how... er... _personal_can these questions be?" he asked.
"I'll tell you if you're asking something too personal- but... you can get a little lewd," she winked.
"Damn..." he muttered, looking amused. "Alright, starting small, then. How many guys have you had relationships with?"
"Two," she said without a moment's thought. "One in grade school which lasted about six months; and then one in college from sophomore to my junior year. The second one, we ended breaking up because he thought I wasn't aiming high enough, like I should be the next new pop-music star." She scoffed. "I love music, not fame."
"What about-- er... I mean..." The stallion trailed off, looking slightly ashamed for nearly bringing up her ex-fiancee.
She shook her head. "I talked with my mother yesterday. All things considered, I wouldn't call my time with Richard a relationship, not when it was mostly about him. Don't worry, I'm not mad- I've been having so much fun with you tonight that he's the last thing on my mind." She beamed back up at him, and at once he seemed to look better, knowing she did not take offense to his inquiry and that it hadn't spoiled the mood. "My turn- same question. How many women have you had relationships with? Or slept with, if you want to add them."
"Hmm..." The stallion did not answer immediately, but despite the pleasant buzz she was feeling AJ got the sense that he was attempting to recall an exact number, and not give a made-up on. "Adding Aylen, four in total. But the other three were pretty brief, intense relationships. I think I knew in the back of my head they were just gonna burn out quickly, much as I would've wanted them to last. And that's also including the ones I've slept with," he added. He leaned on the bar, looking a little more relaxed now. "So, what's next... alright, what kind of movies do you enjoy?"
"I'll make that my question to you, next- but science fiction. Anything with aliens in 'em," she said. "Bonus points for action or alien sex scenes."
"Okay, if I ever get the chance to date you again outside of this hub, we're renting Species and the _Alien_series," Dakota laughed. "For me it's the same- but I love bad, riffable movies."
"MST3K?"
"Now you're making me fall in love with you," he laughed- though not quite as hard, she noticed, as he was blushing. The words brought on a shy but genuine smile on her face and a matching blush as well.
"Next shots, lovebirds," the bartender told them, pushing another two shot glasses towards them. The two took them up and imbibed, and the questioning continued.
It wasn't all laughs, but then again none of the questions delved into uncomfortable topics. Things that embarrassed them were quickly asked, followed by greatest fears (AJ had admitted she was deathly afraid of scorpions; Dakota revealed his was flying, though not heights); the topic shifted to how they spent free time (AJ listened to music and played any number card games; Dakota, reading and portable gaming) and topics like cooking (the doe slightly ashamed of her lousy cooking; the stallion having learned from his mother before he left for college). As personal as the question of religion had been, AJ was glad that it was one both were comfortable sharing (none at all, with AJ non-practicing and Dakota atheist, though raised Catholic and drawn to Native American mythology).
It changed after the fifth shot, when Dakota asked a deeper question.
"So... ex-fiancee excluded... what would you say is the largest regret you've had in life?" he asked slowly.
By now the buzz had enveloped her, although she knew she was still in control of herself. Nevertheless, she cast her eyes away. "Promise not to criticize harshly?" she asked quietly.
"Never," the stallion assured her gently. "If it's too personal..."
"No, it's not, but..." she sighed. "So... there was this one time when I was working as an intern for a music talent agency. I'll spare you the details of the work, but this one singer, a male fox who couldn't have been older than I was at the time, came up with a tape cassette with his work. My boss back then was an asshole, and didn't have old playback equipment; the bullshit reason he gave was that talent needed to keep up with the times. But this boy... he looked so desperate for a chance, I couldn't say no to him- so I told him to give me a minute to speak with him." She swallowed. "He was livid. Started shouting at me, giving me his spiel on not having tech from the 80s. He took the tape and got to the waiting room, saw this kid. He was, to put it lightly, clearly gay. My boss chucked the tape at his head and... told him to leave in the most homophobic way possible," she said. "And I just... did nothing. I was too shocked and seized up to intervene, even though I knew it was wrong at the time. The kid was in tears when he left."
"That's horrible," the stallion said, frowning.
"California might be considered a progressive state, but that doesn't mean it's perfect," she said. "Far from it. I hope that kid didn't commit suicide, that he got the chance he needed to progress."
"You tried to give him a chance, AJ," he told her gently, sliding his hand over hers. "I don't blame you for seizing up and stepping in, it can't have been easy to deal with a dickhead like that."
"If I'd been a little more like you," she started to say, but he shook his head.
"You can only be who you are, and grow to be stronger and better as a person," he said. "As long as you grew from that, I would never judge you harshly."
"Thank you," she said, wiping at her eyes. "So... with that in mind, whatever your answer is to my question, I promise not to judge you harshly, either. Just please be honest."
He cocked his head. "Sure. What did you want to ask."
She stared him directly in his amber-gold eyes. "Are you... sober?"
He stared back. "I'm a little buzzed right now," he replied, but she shook her head.
"You sang Under the Bridge, Dakota."
At that, he flinched.
"I know the lyrics as well as you do," she said quietly. "Most folks in the industry know what Anthony Keidis was singing about. Do you?"
The stallion swallowed and cast his gaze away from her. "Yeah. It was his... addiction. To heroin."
"I promise I won't think less of you," she said, leaning in close. "Nor will I ever tell another soul, living or dead, what your answer is. Are you an addict, or were you ever one?"
"I... was." The stallion's face was one of shame as he nodded. "After Aylen, I ended up turning to alcohol. I had no idea what to do with my life, the tribe council elder my ex had been fucking was using me as an abject lesson of any failure he could think of, and I was breaking my mother's heart by getting into fights. She thought I was turning into my own father, only this time she believed it wasn't my fault; that I'd only turned to booze because of a broken heart." He shook his head. "'s bullshit."
"It can't have been easy for you," AJ reasoned, but the stallion held his hand up.
"It wasn't, but I didn't have an excuse for that," he said. "My ex was the only person who hurt me, the only one who broke her promise. But I was the one who tried to deal with my pain by making everyone else more miserable and turning the world around me into an ugly place. Allison... I fucked up. I fucked up a lot. And I'm gonna tell you right now that I am far from a perfect person. I've seen what I look like when I'm drunk and hateful, and... believe me, I wish I could take everything I did back."
"Is that why you chose that song?" she asked. "Because it... resonated with you?"
The stallion nodded, wiping at his eyes. "Yeah... it took a few years, but my mother got me the help I needed, got me into a twelve-step program outside the reservation. I worked at trying to repair my life, move on from it. My grandfather, may he rest in peace, was key to it. He told me when a feral horse finds bitter water and bare grass, he needs to go elsewhere to survive. With his help, I got my CDL and a job driving bus routes while working on trucking school. I stayed clean after that. The traveling helped, as did having little time to socialize. But even though I'd occasionally have a drink here or there, I never let myself get drunk. I never forgot what I'd done. I didn't want to hurt anyone- even my ex-fiancee- ever again. As much as she hurt me, nothing excused my hitting her out of anger." He shivered, looking away.
The doe looked up at him sadly, then got to her feet, moving her hands up and cupping his face gently.
"Would you ever hurt me?"
The stallion's eyes widened. "No! Fuck, no... you're amazing, Allison. I'd drive myself off a cliff before _ever_thinking of hurting you. Part of the reason I sang that piece was to remind myself that I'm clean again, and thankful for it. All the more because that event, that road that I chose to take, gave me the chance to meet you. I wish I could have met you a far better man than I am now, but I hoped that being clean would be, if even on some small level, worth something to someone as great as you."
"You mean that?" AJ asked her, heart thumping.
"If it's not enough for you, I'll spend every waking moment improving myself," he said, without a moment of hesitation. "Just so it will be."
The tingle in her body, the effects of light inebriation, were not enough for her to shut out her ability to make rational decisions; though it did release her inhibitions, the small flickers of anxiety that would prevent her from boldness. Free from fear and worry, without a care spared towards any potential onlookers, she leaned in and pressed her lips against Dakota's, her hand sliding onto his shoulder and pulling him a little closer. Perhaps stunned, it took him several seconds to respond; but when he did his hands went towards her waist and pulled her in as he returned the gentle, heartfelt affection. At no point while they held each other did AJ feel things had gone too fast; her heart had already given up on her fiancee, ready to find someone better.
And as they broke off and stared into each other's eyes, she could not have been more certain of the one she'd chosen.