Survey: Is this erotic to you?
Heya.
I am trying to better my writing style so I came up with this. It is the excerpt from a story and I was wondering if you like it. This part of the story is a little different to what I normally write and I am curious what your opinion is about it. "Too short, too long too, whatever" or "Good because" or "meh" or dunno.
I really could use some help in figuring out the best way to write erotic scenes and stories. I would very much appreciate it if you could check it out and tell me what you think of it.
I have created a poll on patreon, which is public. If you want, you can just give me your feedback there. https://www.patreon.com/posts/27795819
It would really, really help me if you give me a statement. I am trying to figure out the best writing style.
Excerpt from "Cal's Origin Story"
Cal gaped at her. His sense of logic immediately started pointing out warning signs to tell his mind that something_was wrong here. _How could she have heard that if she wasn't near me and I could barely hear the barkeep shouting from the top of his lungs directly at me? It wanted to know. Just as well as Why does this bombshell of a woman talk to me, a guy who doesn't even have enough money to buy her a proper drink? His libido however, had none of that. And while his mind was shouting warnings and throwing all the switches that were desperately labeled with_Warning_ or Danger ahead, his libido just unplugged the cord on the electricity with three simple words: Wow! Huge tits! It blared out, ignoring the frantic, logic part in Cal's head. A huge, almost dopey smile appeared on Cal's face as he started scanning the woman in front of him. Her large breasts looked painfully constricted under the tight piece of dark blue cloth that made no effort to hide her erect nipples. Instead, it only seemed to enhance the effect as they formed beautiful little nubs on the surface. Almost unable to believe his luck, Cal let his gaze sink down further where he spotted a beautiful bare waistline that could have caused models to cry their eyes out. Jackpot! Today is my lucky day!
"Hello gorgeous. You did hear right. Can you give me a good time?" It was difficult to draw his eyes away from those beautiful curves of her and focus back on her face. He noticed briefly that her face was smooth and even, with large brown eyes. But then his gaze flew downward again. The beautiful mammaries drew his attention with the strength of a siren song and he would have given anything in the world to be able to bury his face into them while he was pounding away between her legs. Did he imagine it or did the heady aroma hit him through the jumble of other smells?
"Only if you will give me one first." Two slender hands appeared in his field of view, cupping the breasts as much as possible and squishing them just hard enough that he could have dropped to his knees and start worshiping them. "I can give you the time of your life, stud. Are you interested?"
"Hell yes!" Best. Night. Ever!
"Good. But interest alone is not enough, you know?" The woman's hand shot forward and grabbed his crotch faster than Cal could react. Before he had so much as flinched backward, she was pulling him forward. Her lush breasts were snuggling up against his own chest, squishing obscenely out of the much too tight top. The stiff nipples were straining the cloth, threatening to rip it apart. A long, slender leg wrapped itself boldly around Cal's, bringing his crotch close to hears. The hand that had been holding his jeans wandered around to his butt and squeezed him hard. The skin tight miniskirt that woman wore welded itself against him. Heat radiated from the woman's pussy, enveloping Cal's already hard cock and beckoning him forward. When the woman spoke, she leaned forward, close to Cal's ear, her voice a needy whimper. "I need some _really_good fucking now. Can you serve, College Boy?" Hot lips brushed over Cal's earlobe and a wet tongue snaked out to caress him, sending shivers through his body. Teeth appeared on the sensitive flesh, just hard enough to make him feel them, while her pelvis rocked back and forth against him.
"Yes, I can serve", Cal babbled incoherently, his mind trying its best to string words together while his pulse was hammering in his throat. "Damn girl, Imma give you everything you want."
"Good." Another purr, one last caress over his bulging cock. Then she yanked him into the restroom and slammed him against the opposite wall. For the first time Cal noticed just how strong she was. Her slender arms did not indicate any sort of strength, but it was there. His breath whoofed out of him as he made intimate contact with the cold tiles. Like a cat with prey, she kept him pinned there, drawing her nails over his throat and following the slender curve of his chest and belly downward to his belt buckle. "You are the perfect prey, aren't you? Young, slender and helpless."
Unable to even think straight, Cal laughed nervously, slightly intimidated by the dominance of the woman. But he was nothing if not grateful for the opportunity and eager not to let it slip through his fingers. After all, no one knew when such a bomb of a woman would ever even remotely look into his direction. "Dammit Baby, I'll be anything you want tonight."
Brilliant white teeth sparkled as the woman grinned wickedly. "Good. There's a good pup." Her hand flew to his hair, grabbing a fistful of the black curls and yanking him painfully to her face. "I want you to be my little lapdog tonight. Can you do that? Can you give mommy a good lick?"
So close to her face Cal could smell the subtle perfume the woman was wearing. Something spicy or with herbs that seemed to tickle a primal instinct of Cal's brain. "Yes", he answered mechanically, not even sure of what he was saying. All he wanted to do was do whatever that woman wanted of him. When she used his hair to shove him down right in front of her, he followed like an obedient dog. Paper rustled under his legs as Cal knelt on the floor, not even bothering to brush away the paper towels. He knew that they would be directly visible from the door for anyone who came in, but he couldn't care less. All that mattered was the woman, who placed her left leg over his right shoulder and pulled him close.
There was a pair of black lace panties hidden under the tight miniskirt. The cloth was so snug, that the lips of her pussy formed small mountains with a wet valley in the middle. Thick, heady scent wafted out, the scent strong enough to cause Cal to briefly reel from the sheer intensity. Then he caught himself again.
"Na-uh. No hands, bad boy. You have to move that cloth with your tongue or die trying."
What a kinky bitch you are, Cal thought. Instead of pulling the panties down like he had set out to do, he wrapped one hand around her leg and placed the other around her thighs to pull her closer. Then he went to town. Sticking out his tongue, he drew it squarely over the silken cloth, wedging it deeply between her moist pussy lips. It was a long lick, slow and sensuous that aimed to use the cloth for extra friction. A sweet, throaty moan ran like hot fingers down his spine and Cal shuddered as he repeated the motion. Juices squelched through the fine pores of the cloth, wetting Cal's mouth and his appetite for more. She tasted wild and untamed, horny and _so_needy!
Still using the cloth as friction, Cal pressed his tongue upward, feeling for the hard nub that betrayed her clit. When he felt it, he started lightly slapping it with his tongue, poking it and slapping it swiftly from left to right. Another long, whispered moan was his answer and when he looked up, he could see that the woman had leaned her head against the tiles. Her eyes were closed and she bit her lip while pressing her pelvis against Cal's mouth with another eager moan. A soft, whispered "Oh yes, that's it. Keep it going, boy" caused him to smile briefly, then he went back to his job.
Juices were squelching out abundantly now, squishing through the cloth and soaking Cal's lips. Like Lassie in the movies, he gave her pussy long laps from just above her anus to the beginning of her pelvic bone. Her lips parted like cloth around him and he could feel nails scratching his scalp. Every time he let go, he could feel the material of the panties return to where they belonged, causing swift downward rubs along the sensitive clit.
Feeling that it was about time that he remove the cloth, he used his teeth and tongue to pull it to the side, struggling a moment as the soaked fabric refused to follow his motion. On the first try, it snapped back when he let it go, causing both of them to curse softly. The second time he nudged it with his nose and tongue, trying his best to shove it out of the way when an impatient hand intervened. Groaning needily, she removed the cloth herself and shoved it firmly into the crack of her groin before pressing him resolutely back between her soaked folds. Her juices squelched as he hit her pussy nose-first, wedging her juices unintentionally up his nose. Quickly he wiped it away so he could breathe unhindered. But probably everything would smell like her soaked pussy for the foreseeable future.
Teasing her a little more, he hovered above her swollen clit for a heartbeat or two, then flicked his tongue over it in a quick motion. The woman jerked lightly, moaning a little as she did. A sharp sigh erupted out of her throat, then another, following every single one of his flicking motions. When he pressed forward to wrap his lips around her clit and sucked her gently, she rocked forward, mashing her hips yearningly against his face. Throaty moans started to echo through the bathroom, following the motions as he pressed his lips down on the sensitive nub and rolled them back and forth. By now she was so eager that her body twitched every time he flicked his tongue against her clit, so he decided to push her over with the same motion until she came.
By now she was so wet, that her juices flew freely down his chin, following the curve of his throat. For a moment they clung to his Adams apple and eventually hit the collar of his shirt below. The door behind Cal opened and a man entered. A sharp wolf-whistle echoed from the tiles, but neither of the two lovers paid him any heed. They continued their business, ignoring the audience completely. And while the men in the background were watching - some trying to piss past an erection, others giving themselves a little pleasure as well - Cal focused all his efforts on flicking his tongue back and forth. Nails scratched painfully over his scalp as he did and he heard the woman's whispered moans coming faster and faster until she suddenly thrust her pelvis forward, rocking it into his face. Her hand wrapped itself greedily around his head and she pressed him closer, almost suffocating him as she rode her orgasm on his still flicking tongue. Several times she twitched, her whole body rocking back and forth as the waves of orgasm shook her body. Juices squelched against Cal's chin, bathing him in her cum.
"Ah damn, that was good", she muttered, pulling him up to her face by his hair. Her lips kissed his own, tongue twirling around his as she licked her own juices off herself. To a whistling audience they made out like two long lost lovers seeing themselves for the first time after years. Cal's brain barely registered, that the woman's fingers fumbled with his belt buckles, gave up and pulled down his zipper. Eager hands pulled him free and between her soaked legs. His bare, precum soaked head met her soaked nethers and he thrust forward, sheathing himself inside her. Another deep, lustful groan erupted from her throat as she welcomed him inside her. Her hands and leg wrapped themselves around his butt and pulled him closer. Somewhere between those kisses, she managed to whisper "Fuck me, make me your bitch."
He did. To a chorus of shouts and whistles from the audience, Cal wrapped both hands around her thighs and started fucking her. Every single one of his thrusts caused her hips to thud loudly against the tiles as he harvested the fruit of his labor, fucking his bitch with the shamelessness of a porn star in front of the cameras. His balls smacked forcefully against her soaked pelvis and he buried his head between her tits. It took a mere few thrusts until he came, pumping his cum into his willing bitch. He rocked forward, once, twice, then rested, buried to the root in her tight snatch and feeling his cock throb until he had emptied his entire load.