FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

_ Part 5 _

(Marek)

We spent a couple more hours with my parents in the living room, sharing stories and checking out old photos that had of me saved on their phones. Poring over picture after picture of my teenage self from fifteen years ago came with some awkward moments, but deep down, I couldn't say I disliked our long trek down memory lane. Certainly, with every image we saw of a youthful me with frizzed up headfur and a goofy smile, my little 'panda squeezed and nosed even firmer against my stomach. He really did enjoy seeing me as I was. Probably as much as I enjoyed seeing us as we were.

Way into the early hours, the time came for us all to start getting ready for bed, and just like any other occasion I had my 'panda here to stay, we did our usual routine together. Sam took his place on the bathroom counter, brushing his teeth at the edge of the sink while I did the same. And just like always, he couldn't resist reaching over to stroke my resting belly at least once.

With a long goodnight kiss, I settled him down onto my... our bed, allowing him some time to get comfy while I headed out for a glass of water from the kitchen.

"You're coming back, right?"

"Hmm?" Paw on the doorknob, I glanced back to find him grinning.

"Nice as it was, that kiss felt a little like a goodbye."

"I'm just going for some water," I said with a snerk, opening the door. "Do you want one?"

"I'm fine, thanks." He stayed there on the edge of the bed. "So you're not leaving?"

"Of course not."

"Then tell your lips. Or better yet, come back here and I'll let mine tell them."

I stepped into the hallway, leaning back to tell him to, "Keep those lips warm. I won't be a minute."

"I'll be counting!"

I ended up spending way more than that minute I promised in the kitchen, gulping down one glass of water, swiftly followed by another. A third came in due course. After that, stomach sloshing and full, I figured I needn't take another glass back to the bedroom with me.

Time crept slower as I left the kitchen, padding on through my darkened living room into the hallway. Each step carried me closer to Sam, his delicate scent strengthening the closer I moved towards the light seeping from behind the door of our bedroom. At that point, I was ready. I had nothing else to delay me. So why then did grabbing that doorknob pose such a challenge? Why then did I find myself standing alone in the dark, tail tightening until it hid between my legs? I'd never felt this way before. Not once had I ever been anything other than excited, desperate to see and to hold my little 'panda. The guilt took hold, raging. I was thirteen again. That same awkward kid grinning back from those photos. How had it come to this?

"Marek?" I heard Ma call, finding her along the hall, leaning out from the spare room. "Do you have any extra sheets?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah." My eyes needed wiping. What in the stars was wrong with me? "Should be... in the wardrobe."

I wanted her to leave. I wanted her to say 'thanks' and head back inside to find them. No such luck. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. The easy option.

"You're not still upset about the stories we shared about you, are you?"

"No... I just... I remembered something from earlier. It's nothing."

"Ah, I see..." I figured that was that, but Ma had other ideas, stepping out of her room in her robe, strolling down the hall towards me, yawning. "Oof. The early start today has really taken its toll on me."

"Understandable." I turned away, staring into the darkness rolling from the living room. "Long day."

"But it was a nice day. All in all."

"Yeah... Glad you enjoyed."

"A few early... tricky moments, but we got there in the end."

"Mmm."

"I think once we all sat down and really talked, really listened, we got on so well with each other." Ma stopped. Her voice carried from right beside me. "I hope Sam's parents felt the same."

"Yeah..." I couldn't avoid it any longer. No choice but to turn and peer down at her smiling from chest high. "They, uh... They did. Sam told me as much."

"Right." She glared at me kind of sideways.

"What? I'm not lying."

"Not about that, at least." I shrugged, opting to watch the dark, far less judgemental door right in front of my snout. "What's on your mind? Other than today."

"Nothing."

"I know that that's a firm _something_coming from you."

"Is it?"

"Come on." She reached up to rub my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

I closed my eyes. Stepped away from the door. Burying myself in yet more darkness did nothing to help. Ma's paw ran down my arm to my elbow, holding on until turned to her, forcing my eyes back open. "Nothing's wrong as such..." I sucked in air, letting it go with a sigh. It helped my chest clear. Less so my hazy head. Maybe all that wine at dinner had hit me harder than I thought. "Everything's right, I guess."

Ma's own head tilted. She wore a smile full of sympathy for me, staying silent until the bedroom door tempted my attention again. "Sam?"

My fur stood on end. The crack of my tail against the wall echoed through the hallway. "Right."

"He doesn't speak Zolnian, does he?"

"No," I scoffed. "Why would he?"

"Because I'd like to know if he can understand what we're talking about out here, if he can hear us."

"You just said his name." I shook my arm free of her grasp. "If he _can_hear us, he'll work it out."

"Okay, okay, never mind, just..." She came back for me, grabbing and holding my paw. Inside, I had to admit... it helped. "What's wrong? Or what's right, I should say."

I gripped Ma's smaller paw tighter, searching around for the guts to answer. I fought with myself to open up, but as my mouth did so, my throat simply closed itself off.

"Relax," Ma sang, rocking her arm with mine. "It's okay." She reached up high with her other paw, stroking down my cheek. "I might have to stretch to do this these days, but you're still not too big to talk to me."

A choked chuckle fell from my muzzle, joined by a stray tear rolling down my face. "I know."

"You don't need to keep everything bottled up inside."

"That's what Sam tells me... Don't be afraid to talk."

"He's right. You shouldn't be." She wiped that tear away. "Let it all out. You'll feel better for it."

Ma glowed amid the twilight, keeping her paw wrapped around mine. My answer would be stupid, embarrassing, much more so than any of those old photos. But, it would be the truth. Maybe it would help make sense of all this. Maybe I could feel less of a fool for holding onto it for so long. "I've been trying to ask Sam something... for weeks."

She didn't answer. In fact, she did nothing but hold her gaze for me, offering all the time and space I could ask for.

"I really... hate how things are now." I stumbled to get the next word ready, almost losing it as a lump in my throat. "I-I want him to move in with me. I don't want to see him leave again."

Ma beamed so bright that she helped lighten me, too. I wiped another tear away, feeling smaller even than that little kid barely big enough to fit his school uniform.

"Stupid, right?"

"I could tell this was something you wanted, sweetie."

"You could?"

"Of course! You two are so good together, and you certainly exploded loud enough when your father and I brought up your living situation this afternoon."

"Heh... Maybe a little."

"So why don't you?" Her tail swept and swung wide enough to brush over both walls. "It's a wonderful gesture. Not one to be scared of."

For the first time in an age, I could breathe easy. Free. Getting that off my chest had been a long time coming.

"Marek?"

But still, my fur wouldn't settle. It tickled almost as much as the dryness in my throat. "We've been together for nearly three months now... Only started dating a month before that. I don't want to rush him."

"Why do you say that? Why would you be?"

I took myself back to September, back to our first date downtown. That moment I saw him waiting there for me on our table at the coffee shop, cute, handsome, red fur glistening as the light flooded in from the window, I knew deep down that my Sam was special. We had so much fun that day... and a whole lot more fun later that night. I'd spare Ma the details, obviously, but it strengthened my resolve to push onwards.

"Things have moved so fast right from the start, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. It's been great and... He's amazing, Ma. I love him so much."

My cheeks flushed so hot, ear tips flicking with how intensely they burned, too. I swallowed hard, forcing that lump aside, grateful to still have Ma shining away as I poured out my feelings.

"I know that Sam worried about things going too quick early on... So I can't help but think that he'll still be worried now. Especially given... he'd be moving here, to my big apartment, when he's only ever lived at home in his little house."

"I see..." She lost some of that glow. A coldness spread at the back of my neck. "Have you spoken to him about this?"

"No."

"Has he mentioned that he thinks you're moving too fast lately?"

"No!"

"How often does he stay over?"

"Quite a bit, Ma, honestly." I clawed away at my neck, shaking hard, but not enough for her to lose her grasp on the paw in her possession. "Every week at this point, for days... and every week, I have to watch him leave, knowing I'll have to wait again to have him here."

"So, again, why don't you ask?" Her bluntness put me on the backfoot. That chill in my neck spread down my spine. "Three months or not, if he's here as much as he's not, it sounds like you're both more than ready to make the move."

"Yeah..." The cold reached my tailbase, freezing me to the spot. "But what if he says no?"

"And what if he says yes?"

"Then great, but..." I spluttered out something close to laughter. "It's the no I'm worried about."

"Do you think that's how he'll answer?"

"...I don't know."

"Yes, you do. Deep down." Ma changed tack, prodding me hard, right in the stomach. "You wouldn't be torturing yourself over this decision if you really, honestly didn't believe he'd say yes."

"How--"

"And listen." She poked again. "This isn't a proposal or anything like that. If he's really not ready to move in yet... Then that's okay. You can carry on exactly as you are now and see how you both feel a little further down the line." The paw still clasping mine squeezed, reminding me of its presence. "Like you said earlier, there's no need to rush. Things will move in their own time... but to me, it sounds like this _is_the time."

My head hung heavy, dragging my shoulders down along with it. Ma's words all made perfect sense. They fortified my belief, my determination, aiding me in shouting down all those doubts that'd plagued my mind for weeks. If only the fear could be overcome so easily.

"You've always been so thoughtful." She reached up to rub beneath my chin. "For better, and for worse. But, no more thinking about this. Ask him. Tonight."

"...Okay."

"Promise?" She rocked my paw one last time, releasing with her warmest smile yet.

It spread to me, too, warmth coming with the tears still rolling down my cheeks. "Promise."

"Goodnight, sweetie."

"Night, Ma." We hugged tight. Burying my face down into neck fur helped dry my eyes. "Thank you."

"Mhmm."

Together we stood for a second or two more. With a pat at my side, Ma stepped back, tail swishing as she turned, dancing behind her on her way down the hall, disappearing back into the spare room.

"Is he okay?" I just about heard Dad ask.

"He's absolutely fine."

The door closed behind her, softening what little light remained out here. Only that thin strip of life escaping from my bedroom endured, beckoning me back towards it.

I set my paw on the door handle, exploring its every dimension with my pads twice over. Finally, I managed to twist it, to push it, and to make that narrow strip grow into a full-on glow. I was absolutely fine. No more thinking now.

"Hon!" Sam barely let me set foot in our room before his calling caught me on the hop. "You won't believe how many steps I've walked today."

"What's that?"

I found him punching the air at the head of our bed. Then I saw the delight as he admired the new SportMate on his wrist. "I always get a good workout when I'm rushing around your place, but this is something else."

Seeing all that joy and enthusiasm spawned a chestful of delight, but gods, it proved so hard to get out. A chuckle stalled as I watched Sam through damp eyes. Every step I took towards our bed felt riskier than the last. "Glad you like it."

All throughout, Sam watched me, legs tucked away beneath his little section of our duvet. Right where he belonged. "Everything okay?" His little head cocked. "I could hear you talking with your Ma outside. Not that I could understand it."

"Yeah." I stopped halfway to my side of the bed, gripping at my own arm. "My parents really like to talk in Zolnian whenever possible. Sorry."

"No, it's fine." His smile came with sadness. "But are you? Okay, I mean."

"Yes." That slipped out all too readily. "It wasn't anything. I'm just tired, that's all."

He nodded. "It's been a long day."

"It was nice, but glad it's over with." I wiped my eyes hard, faking a yawn. "My first time hosting a Blessing Day meal for more than just my parents, and I have to say, I wouldn't mind if it's my last."

"Aww, don't say that. I think it went great. After the initial, uh... teething problems."

"It did, in the end." I held onto that thought, taking a moment to slip off my trousers and start unbuttoning my shirt. So lost within myself, I came close to missing Sam's delight growing with every button I freed. "I was glad to have you here today. You made my life so much easier."

"I didn't do much." He remained transfixed upon my stomach. Even more so once I slipped off my shirt to reveal it completely. "Mostly all I could do was cheer you on."

"Hey, even forgetting your help with the cooking, and stopping our parents from talking about even heavier topics than they did... just having you in my corner's more than I could ask for."

He cooed out loud again, longer, even more joyful, tail flicking up under the duvet. "That's sweet." His arms opened wide, almost outdoing his grin, beckoning me over like so many nights before. "Come get yourself to bed, big 'panda."

Those last few steps towards the bed came easier than I feared they might. Helped in no small part to Sam's subtle squeaks and squirms with every stride I took.

I pulled down the duvet, rocking my hips to offer some extra sway to my stomach. He grunted, eyes closing, readying himself for my final descent.

As much as my Sam loved it, throwing my weight around for him came with equal pleasure. All that groaning and grinning, his scrambling and sliding towards me as my belly and I flopped and settled onto the bed. Knowing I could win reactions like that, every sit, drop or otherwise came with the desire to please him. Truthfully, it wasn't the hardest task. "Was that a good one?"

"Like the ground moved." He rubbed and nuzzled at my paw, carrying on long after I'd rolled onto my side and cuddled him into the fuzz filling the steepened hills of my chest. "Hot."

"Heh." I wrapped my second paw around him, tail bouncing around my duvet and mattress. "Glad I could rock your world."

"And everyone else in it." Sam stretched to nose up at the bottom of my chin. "Are your folks off to bed?"

"Mhmm. They've finished making the spare room home."

"That's good." He yawned hard, trembling in my hold. Adorable. "I'm actually glad they'll be staying a few more days."

"Actually, you say?"

"Oh, you know what I mean. As opposed to us being alone this weekend, free to find out just what that butt and gut of yours can _really_do."

"Sam," I complained through a chuckle. "They're right next door and these walls aren't that thick."

"Sorry." He brought his voice lower. "But can you blame me?"

"I guess not." My turn to start nosing, stroking over the fur between his perked ears. "You know, your parents were welcome to take the Maleni room."

"I know, and I offered, but I think they were happier just to get themselves back home."

"Oh."

"Not like that." He grabbed one of my fingers wrapping his stomach and squeezed. "I meant that my parents are kinda funny in that they prefer to sleep in their own bed whenever possible. It's always been the same, even with our family get togethers. We always used to head home late rather than stay over in a hotel or whatever like the others. I dunno why..."

"People have their quirks."

"My folks for sure."

"Heh." I moved a finger down to start stroking one of Sam's strong little thighs. "I'm happy you don't seem to share their sentiment. And that you're not as anxious around Visoka as they are."

"Anxious?"

"Yeah."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean they've been wary around me and parents all day, little 'panda." He started to shift harder against my chest. I peered down past my muzzle to find his baffled self gawking back. "You told me they were quiet, but that was on a whole different level." I made sure to lift my cheeks for him. "It's fine, I'm not hurt or anything... I just hope they liked me."

"They did!" His eyes went wide. "They do!" Then shrank back down again. "I suppose they are a little anxious."

"Yeah..." Goofy little 'panda. He really couldn't see it. "Only a little."

"Either way." He squirmed even deeper into my chest ruff, reaching up to tickle my chin fur. "I'm way, way more comfortable being up close and personal with at least one huge, heavy Visoka, so I'm_definitely_ happy to be sleeping over. Nice as my bed is, it's nowhere near large or strong enough to fit my big 'panda."

I snickered with as much ease as I'd managed in a good while. "This is definitely a good bed we have ourselves here. Even better when you're here to share it."

"Oh, hon..." Sam's little muzzle rubbed between my whiskers. "That's so corny."

"Hey--"

He shifted to peck a kiss at my lip. "But very, very sweet."

Our chatting broke there, easing into soft rubbing and snuggling sprinkled with kisses that steadily grew both longer and warmer. The peace stretched on and on, with only our heartbeats adding a quickening, rhythmic percussion to our affections. Sam's scent flooded my mind, his taste lingering on my lips and tongue. No matter how close we lied or how deeply we shared ourselves, I had to offer more. I had to show my little 'panda that he meant the world to me, and to tell how much I needed him here with me.

"Hon," he cooed, muffled in part by my chest fur and my fingers caressing his face. "Not that I mind at all, but you're hugging me like I might try to get away."

I shifted around, rolling onto my back, spotting what he meant. My paws held my 'panda so tight that his outstretched arms were more sprawling over than hugging at my chest. Further down, his red and brown legs pressed tight against the top of my stomach, digging their own little trenches into its lighter brown curve. I eased my hold and let him rise back out of my fur and bulk. "Oops."

"Don't worry." He grinned with the deeper breath he took. It eased as his head tilted and his eyes found mine. "Is everything really okay?"

I nodded, only too aware of the speed that the dryness returned to my throat and the dampness around my eyes. He'd not have noticed my tail sliding closer to my leg behind him. My folding ears however were a different story.

"Listen." He crawled up closer, past my muzzletip, dropping down onto my pillow to settle against my cheek and neck. "I know you. Whatever it is, if you wanna tell me or talk about it, you know I'm all ears. Always."

Bless his heart. Gods, how lucky was I? Could I really risk all of this? His blue eyes shone for me, delicate paw stroking the thicker fur of my cheek. That lump in my throat returned in force, another stray tear gave up any remaining disguise behind my stoic insistence. "I..."

Sam didn't budge. He watched me with love, patiently maintaining that slow, steady rub of his pads across my face. Another tear rolled, falling to the pillow between us.

"Talking about sharing beds earlier..." I huffed so hard at the effort those five small words took. A long, deep breath recharged me enough to continue. "I've wanted to ask something for a while now. But I was conscious about... rushing things. Making you uncomfortable."

"Okay," he replied with nothing but that same kindness. Short and so very sweet.

"But, now's the right time. I think. After today turned out as well as it did... It shows, proves that we're really good together. We're right together."

"I totally think so, too." He nosed into the soft flesh and fur under my muzzle, tail beating the pillow. "We're a great team. The best."

"Mhmm." I giggled from the tickle of his nose and whiskers, but more so from that glowing endorsement. "So, with that in mind, I wanted to ask... Would you maybe consider... moving in with me?"

I trembled. My eyes went wide and my heart stopped. I wanted to reach out, grab those words and pull them right back into my mouth. My little Sam didn't leave me long to fret.

"Yes. Gods, yes." With the most force yet, he fell against me and smooched me hard on the cheek. "Wasn't that easy?"

"Heh. Huh... Really? You're not... nervous?"

"Nervous? Why would I be?"

"Because..." Hearing his elation, failing to find any hint of anxiety in his perked up ears or swishing tail, all my worries and fears began to evaporate. "Just because."

"No, come on." Up he reached, scritching behind my ear. "Get it off your chest."

His touch felt good. Everything did. "I figured you might be unsure... what with my apartment being... big. Bigger than what you're used to."

"It is, sure." His paws worked deeper into my ear fuzz. "And yeah, I think I still need to get used to some stuff, and my parents might need a minute to get used to the idea of me moving out to come live here, but... You're here. And you outweigh all that. By a lot."

"Figuratively or literally?"

"Yes." Sam snorted into my ear. His scritching turned to petting, then to caressing. "Hon, I promise you, I would love nothing more in the world than to come and live with my boyfriend. No doubt in my mind."

"Oh... Wow!" My heart raced up to a hundred, then a thousand beats per minute. I took a breath so deep, so sweet, that I ascended to a whole new, undiscovered plane of joy, permitting me to float above everything and find nothing but Sam's handsome smile beaming back. "Yes... I'm so happy you said yes."

"And I'm happy you asked! I've been hoping you would for a while myself... if only so I don't have to keep getting upset when the time comes to head back home."

"Same! So much." I reached to grab and squeeze him so fast and so tight that I practically bounced him up into my paws. "You won't have to leave again. We won't have to go through that anymore."

Sam's paws rubbed and tugged at every strand of my cheek fur. Jumping from kisses, hugs and nuzzles, he scrambled out of my grasp, climbing and bounding back up onto my chest with every last drop of his athleticism. Sitting himself down, wrapping his arms around my muzzle, he shared all his love for me with a gentle push of his between my lips. "Actually..."

"What?" I shook. "What is it?"

"I'll have to go home at least once more. Tell my parents... pack up my stuff."

"Oh my gods," I sighed all over him, throwing my paw around his back and squeezing him into me. "I'm aware."

"Good."

"Jeez, Sam." I sniffed, wiped my eyes dry, rewarding his lick at my nose by returning one to his whole snout. "I wasn't expecting you and your things to magically be here right now."

"I know! Just saying, that's all."

"Goofy 'panda."

"Oh, shush."

I held my little 'panda like the most prized, valuable trophy in the world, showering him with licks and kisses until it looked as if he'd just stepped out of the shower. He didn't complain, and nor did I from the dampness he'd left all over my own face and snout.

"You know." I weaved his tail between my fingers, enjoying how his red and white complimented and felt against my brown. "I've been wanting to ask you that for a few weeks now, ever since that night after our after-hours session at the gym, but I suppose I didn't want to push my luck."

"That_session? Oh, hon, honestly, after how that ended and what you did to me, I'd have said yes to _anything."

We snickered away together, tallying up another kiss. "Then there was last Saturday morning in bed, when you were giving me a stroke and a massage. I was so close to coming out with it... but all I could think about was how much it'd hurt if you said no."

"I understand--"

"Then there was today, in the kitchen, when we were talking about our gifts... but I lost my nerve, again."

"Hey, hey." Sam shook his little rear for me, pushing back as I continued to play with his tail. "Come on. Don't beat yourself up about it. Please."

"...I'll do my best."

He took me by surprise, heaving out a huge, whisker-waving sigh. "It's at times like this that I wish I was a Visoka, too."

"Hmm?" My paw stopped. "Why?"

"So that I could get my arms around you, and squeeze, and really show you how much I love you."

I choked up all over again, eyes watering. All kinds of squeaks and sounds slipped between my lips. I was speechless all over again.

"Well... I'd almost be able to get them around you, maybe. You'd still be a whole lot bigger than me, big 'panda."

My ears flicked and danced like crazy, white hot cheeks lifting. "Sweetheart, you're amazing just the way you are." I threw him deep into my fur, rumbling along in tune with his own. "Besides, I can do the squeezing for both of us."

"Hey!" he sang out through my fingers, pressing at my throat fur. "I can still do my fair share, too!"

I slipped my paws around him, lifting and returning him to take pride of place upon a bed made from the fuzzy valley of my chest.

"So..." He sprawled out on his belly, wiggling from another yawn. "I'm sleeping on you tonight?"

"You've never complained before."

"Am I complaining?"

"You tell me."

Sam bopped me on the nose. "Not in the slightest."

I gave him a moment to get comfy before settling my paw atop him. "You know, as great as those coffee beans are, you've just given me the best New Year's present ever."

"Right back at you. Nice as this new SportMate is, I think I like you more."

"Heh." I reached over to grab his little pillow, then down to pull the duvet up over my stomach and to his shoulders. "I have to tell you... There's a good chance I might never let you go."

"You don't have to." He set his head down, clawing circles in my fur. "Unless I need the toilet or something."

I snorted along with him, pausing to take in the sight of my boyfriend nestled safely in my grasp. It made reaching out to turn off our bedside lamp tough.

Settling down in tranquil darkness, at as much ease as I could ever recall, my love for him still demanded more. I wanted to tell him again how much he meant to me. I wanted to hear him say it back. But we were so restful, so peaceful, and so tired, I suppose we both drifted off to sleep together soon after. No matter. Tomorrow would be another day. Just the first of many that we could look forward to spending _truly_together. The gods might have blessed us all with a new year, but for me, and I hoped for Sam too, they'd offered so much more.