I Remember
I don't remember much.
I remember the feeling of floating.
Opening my eyes, seeing blinking lights.
I remember looking up and seeing a humans face, a surgical mask tied to it.
I remember my arm slipping off the stretcher, and me being too weak to lift it.
And picturing his face. I remember that.
I remember, because it was to be my last thought.
I want to tell you a story. Yes, the story of how I died.
He meant everything to me, whether he knew it or not. I thought maybe at one point he felt the same, but I don't care anymore. I find it hard to care.
I met him in college. It's the classic case of opposites attracting. I, a charcoal fox, and he a human. Me being more worried about class work and grades to have fun, him a party boy. I was a picture of innocence on the outside. I didn't date; I never could trust people very well. He came to classes drunk at times, and was with a new girl every week. Yet somehow, this is how I met Liam, because of his irresponsible attitude. And, this is how I fell in love with him.
We were sitting in class, and for some reason this six foot, golden haired Adonis chose me to sit by. My stomach floated inside me; I'd never admit it to anyone, but I did find him attractive. No matter how I felt on the inside, I kept my feelings there, inside myself. I glanced at him, then back at my binder, flipping through my pages of notes. It was Biology class, my favorite. Apparently, though, not his.
This was how our relationship started. First the useless banter, then the part where I help him through class. Next was the study sessions during lunch. Its one of these that our relationship took a turn, whether it was for the better or worse, I didn't know at the time.
"I just don't get it. Seriously, I feel like we've gone over the same thing over and over again." Liam splayed out on the grass underneath the oak tree that we sat under. He covered his face with his hands, sighing in frustration. I smiled.
"That's because we have." I swatted him playfully with my tail, causing him to move his hands and grab it. He sat up, still holding my tail, smiling at me. The next thing I know, his arm is around my waist, his mouth to mine. I remember wondering if he was really kissing me. When our mouths separated, he looked away, embarrassed.
"Sorry about that. I just didn't know how else to thank you for your patience and helping me with all this shit." He looked away, picking up his stuff and standing. I grabbed his hand.
"Where are you going?" I asked, pulling myself up to face him. He stood silent for a moment, then looked at me again, his eyes sparkling like they did the first day we met.
"Look, I could really use your help with more of this. Would you be interested in stopping by my dorm today? I honestly don't know what I'm doing, and you've been helping me so much. You have no idea what it would mean to me if you could." He smiled nervously. This was not the guy I knew, the Liam I always saw was never nervous, especially around a member of the opposite sex.
I glanced at him suspiciously. "Tell you what, I'll meet you in the library tonight." He smiled, nodded and walked away.
When we met at the library, we didn't study as much as I had assumed we would. He seemed to be more interested in me at the moment. I'm not saying I didn't mind, but it was definitely different for me. I don't trust people, but he was so kind and seemed so caring, that I couldn't help but being to trust him. Throughout our many evening study sessions in the library, he began to learn everything about me, and I learned almost everything about him that wasn't already seen.
But I'll skip to the more interesting part, shall I? Things progressed in a normal fashion, one could say. After a few months, we stopped meeting at the library, as I took him up on his offer to meet him in his dorm. Eventually we started dating, and I do admit it was nice. It was nice having someone there that you could talk to, that you thought would be there for you for the good and the bad. We'd long since finished our Biology class, and we didn't have 'study sessions' any more, they weren't needed.
I remember our most memorable night, or at least the most memorable for me. We'd been dating for around 5 months, and I'd fallen asleep in his dorm. We'd been watching a movie, but I was too tired to pay attention. I woke up the next morning, his arm over my side, my back pressed against his stomach.
I turned, greeted by his eyes. He looked as if he's been awake for a while already. I kissed him softly on the lips, then his neck. He pushed me fully onto my back, leaning over my form, kissing me back softly, his tongue snaking its way into my mouth.
Things progressed rather quickly, the pile of clothes ten minutes later could attest for that. I was left in only my panties, my body pinned under his. His body was completely uncovered, and I could feel his already hardened member pressed against my stomach. Together we worked off my panties, and his hand immediately snaked down between my thighs. I moaned softly as he worked one of his skilled fingers into my body. I wondered how many times he had done this. I felt him move his body downward, feeling his hard shaft moving towards my mound. I gasped as I felt the head touch my lips, and he smiled sweetly at me.
"Are you ready?" he whispered to me, I could barely hear him over the hammering of my heart. I nodded, trying to relax. I gasped again as I felt him struggle to push the head of his cock into my body. I wrapped my legs around his body as he pushed farther into my body, causing me to arch my back and moan louder. His hands played over my body gently, touching me all over. I hear him breathe heavily as he finally hilted himself inside my body. He pulled out slowly, being gentle. The pleasure was amazing. He continued his gentle thrusting, bringing me closer to climax slowly, drawing out the experience. I clenched my muscles around his cock, milking his cock while he continued to thrust, trying to bring him closer to climax. He moaned loudly at this, his thrusts starting to pick up speed. I held onto his body, legs around his waist, arms around his shoulders. He rocked my body with his powerful thrusts, and I could tell he was close. He drew his cock nearly all the way out of my body, slamming it as deep as he could for his final thrust. At this, I screamed, my climax shaking my body around the cock that impaled me. I heard him moan as I felt his seed in my body, me panting and basking in the afterglow as he finished up. He kissed me again softly, and held me in his arms. He told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him back. Sleep overcame us both.
I walked down the hallway of the boys dorm, smiling slightly and humming my favorite song. I held in a paw a bag, a six pack of beer inside. I planned on surprising Liam today, spending part of our weekend together. As I approached his room, I could her voices. Curious, I approached slowly, quietly. The conversation I heard broke my heart right there in the hallway.
"Seriously? Did you finally get her in the sack?" a strange, gruff voice rang out in Liam's dorm. "Damn, I guess I owe Chad..."
"I'm dead serious Joe, you wouldn't believe how easy it was. A couple days of playing the hopeless romantic and she was putty in my hands." Liam's voice rang out, with a small laugh playing out at the end of his sentence.
I sat outside Liam's dorm, trying to block out what I was hearing, trying to convince myself that I wasn't hearing it. This wasn't happening to me, how could he play me like this? How could he put bets on me? Was I just a game? Why?
'This is all my fault. This is what you get for trusting people, Kayleigh. You get played.'
I had planned to surprise him, I had planned to spend a possibly intimate day with Liam. I guess you could say I loved him. Foolish, just like a girl to fall in love so quickly. I ran down the hallway, having abandoned the beer at his door. I bumped into a wolf on my way out.
"Hey, you're Kayleigh, right? Thanks for winning me $50! I thought you'd never fuck him!" This must have been Chad. I ran down the hall, tears starting to run down my cheeks. How could I let this happen?
I sat in my class, eyes on the floor, head back, ears drooped. I was miserable. I had my arms folded on my binder, just starting at the floor. I head a noise next to me, and glancing over I was shocked to see Liam. I immediately began picking up my things, tears already forming on my face. He grabbed my shoulder before I could go.
"Kayleigh, I never meant for you to get hurt, I swear." He looked at me, an almost sorry look in his eyes.
I couldn't think of a thing to say. There was so much I wanted to say, but I couldn't get it out. I let my actions speak instead. I remember the sting, my hand almost hurting after the slap. He kept his face turned to the side as he stood and walked away, joining his friends in the back row, who were laughing.
Things continued to progress in this fashion. Liam tried a few times to 'correct' things, but he eventually stopped. He even reached a new low and started joining his friends in teasing and tormenting me. They made sure I had a constant reminder that I was played. I grew more and more miserable as time went by, and by the end of three weeks of this constant torture, I couldn't take anymore.
I remember sitting in my room, listening to my music, hoping it would drown out some of the pain. Unfortunately, it seems to enhance it. I remember walking to the bathroom and glancing in the mirror, seeing a horrible reflection, the reflection of a person who didn't deserve to live. The reflection of a stupid girl, someone who let herself fall into a lie. I remember crying until I had nothing left to cry. The feeling of numbness set in, not feeling anything but the pang of pain my heart jolted through my body each time it beat my miserable blood. This is when things got fuzzy.
I remember silver, light reflecting off of silver. I remember that reflection dancing over the ceiling. I remember the feeling of something slipping through my fur, pressed against my skin. I remember my hand getting warm, and glancing down to see red blood pouring over my palm. I remember pressing harder, feeling the blade hit something hard. I couldn't move my fingers, having cut through the muscles. I smiled as I fell to the ground, unable to stand due to the loss of blood. I remember a quiet peace surrounding me, even when my roommate ran in and found me, a stream of red leading away from my arm.
I remember looking up at the doctors and nurses as they carried me on the stretcher, and I remember that peace that I felt. And I smiled. The last thing I did was smile as I died, having killed myself. I was free. I was finally free.