My Little Mashup 25 - Cooldown
#25 of My Little Mashup
Luna finishes getting her act together - just in time?
Macidexia was left staring at the baby Jadis surrounded by the parts of the armor she had just worn when she had been adult.
She backed away in fright. Fluttershy swooped in and soothed the baby as the rest of the gang collapsed; Celes dismounted, I passed her the economizer, and she rushed to heal the wounded unicorns; Celestia trotted up in front of Macidexia.
Macidexia supplicated.
Celestia asked, iron behind her voice, "According to Twilight Sparkle, what's the worst thing I can do to one of my students?"
Macidexia took a long moment before replying, "Demote her to magic kindergarten."
Celestia turned her head, looking with one large eye directly at Macidexia. "She's wrong, of course. I could do much, much worse."
Macidexia winced.
She reached down and touched Macidexia's horn with her own, gently adding, "But I think that will suffice in this case..." The iron reentered her voice. "... if the lesson you've learned today sticks."
Macidexia nodded.
Celestia turned to me next. "I said 'no hints'. This would have gone much more smoothly if you'd been able to stick to that."
I swallowed. "My apologies."
"Accepted. And my apologies for pitting you against Discord."
"You did what you could with what you had."
She nodded in acknowledgement, and turned to the old lady. "Madame Flaubert, can you retrieve our banished allies?"
The old lady started towards us but replied, "I believe Omar can do that faster than I." To me, she said, "You haven't changed a day!"
I was confused, but then it struck me: "Polly?"
She nodded. "The very same!" Celestia had moved on to Celes, but I didn't catch what she said as I was still trying to cope with this idea.
"But... you're a hundred and sixty!"
"If I'm a hundred and sixty, you're a hundred and eight million." Fair enough. "Well, go on, or would it be faster for me to do it myself after all?"
I gingerly rummaged through Jadis' armor and found the rings. I grabbed the chains they were attached to, then touched the yellow one. The retrieval was boringly straightforward - the banished alicorns were still gathered around the pool trying to puzzle it out. I quickly explained, retrieved the ring that had sent them there, and brought us back.
Celestia was finishing up speaking with Celes when we returned; Twilight Sparkle and her brother, having recovered, were entangled in an embrace.
Celestia acknowledged the return of the alicorns and said to them, "It appears we'll have that prophecy hanging over us a while yet."
Luna finally spoke, saying, "Is that not up to me? I can still press my claim, and be struck down."
Celestia finally acknowledged her. "You could. I recommend you talk it over with your advisor first. I will be returning home to rest before we attend to Discord. You know where to find me." Then, to the ex-prisoners, "Do you still wish to visit Canterlot?"
Polly translated this into French, and both elephants nodded vigorously.
Meanwhile, Luna was looking at me intently.
The various alicorns swooped off into the distance in various elemental-ish forms, each bringing some of the others. And still Luna stared.
We were alone on the hilltop, the last departure being Twilight Sparkle and the finally-recovered Spike.
"All this and still you continue in your familiar disrespect. If you cannot remedy this, I see only two solutions: first, you are exiled from Canterlot, and preferably Equestria." She paused to let that sink in. "Second, we marry."
I kept my face straight. "If I'm not mistaken, I could alternately marry Celestia."
A pause.
She clarified, "That was a joke."
"And I was playing along."
"Oh." Pause. "I thought I had done it incorrectly. You see, I have not told a joke in somewhat over a thousand and two years."
"You did it fine. So... what's this about a prophecy?"
Luna sighed and sat down. "It no longer matters. I have made my decision."
I sat down facing her. "Are you sure?"
"Unless you talk me into declaring myself queen, then being slain, never to return, with various additional calamities to follow, the outcome will be unchanged."
I blinked. "Why would you have ever wanted to do that?"
"Because something like it will happen, eventually, somehow - and some of the calamities that have already struck - not the least simply having brought the leaders of all the realms together into one place - will have to happen again to completely fulfil it, unless this time is what it refers to. And I thought I might be the most deserving of the oblivion it would bring."
"You're not."
She looked to the hill that had been the imperial base. "I made thousands of ponies into killers."
Following her gaze, I saw that Celes, accompanied by Celestia herself, was raising the fallen. At least, judging by the colors and twinkling of magic, that was what what was going on.
Luna shook her head. "In their hearts, they are. And some... I doubt her magic can bring all of them back."
I recalled Walt Whitman, and recited:
"Word over all, beautiful as the sky! Beautiful that war, and all its deeds of carnage, must in time be utterly lost; That the hands of the sisters Death and Night, incessantly softly wash again, and ever again, this soil'd world."
The second half of the poem didn't fit, so I stopped. I'd said enough - she was crying.
After a minute, Celestia's sunbeam rose into the sky and off to Canterlot.
This drew our attention to the sun, which was still dancing with the moon most improperly.
Luna lifted her head. "Let us go. There is work still to be done."
"First... there's someone to pick up. Two hills before where that outlying force attacked the armada."
Luna nodded, and her mists grew about me like a warm embrace - calmer than Nightmare Moon's had ever been. We swirled off. In moments, we were hovering over the top of the hill. I looked down the hill to the large rock, and she followed my gaze. We rematerialized there.
I called out, "Cheerilee?"
To my surprise, though, I heard a raucous laugh.
"Oh! Look at it!" Discord?
The voice had come from under the rock. As I approached, I heard one of those high-pitched electronic whines that some lucky people can't hear.
Discord and Cheerilee were watching television. I was on the screen. Celestia's voice said, "I know this phrase..." Pause.
Cheerilee jumped up and rushed to me. Her front hooves on my elbows, she put her head over my shoulder for a moment before her weight got to be a bit too much for me and I had to put her down.
Discord looked round. "Why, here he is. Have a seat. And the great 'empress' Luna, too."
"Discord." She seemed more confused than any other reaction, but there was a weary enmity in her voice.
Discord waved a claw. "Can't I celebrate a great victory too? And especially one won with such style? You were totally right, my boy. With her around, I'd give it a month before she popped the place. Then what would I have to enjoy? The little rocks getting into little rock arguments? But look - here's the best part."
Celestia continued speaking, and the camera watched me. When she said 'Qrrbrbirlbel', it went into slow motion. My poker face hadn't exactly held, then.
"That lady knows how to lie by telling the truth better than anyone else I know." Discord sighed admiringly. "She got the bluffer himself to believe it! Ha!"
"So it's not a magic phrase?"
Discord gestured, and the TV flickered. Celesteville palace. Celestia was lying on the grass, with a juvenile elephant sitting in front of her, showing her the Demented Cartoon Movie on an iPad. "Not exactly what she would have picked, but when you're quasi-delirious you can't exactly make the details of your preferences clear. So." He sobered up. "When you get back, you can tell her... oh..."
I took a stab in the dark. "'All your base'?"
"No, not so much. I had the privilege to witness those six with the elements of harmony. They don't look like much, but they used them twice in six minutes. Another time an hour before, and another the day before... and the last was at full power! Even if they may not use them on me directly for a time, that's enough to be a serious annoyance. There are easier places to work."
Luna declared, "We shall pursue you."
"Yeah, I bet you will." He got up and tapped the TV. It turned into a matchbox, which he tucked into his ear.
"Just where do you think you can hide?"
"Sore wa himitsu desu! Sayonara." He disappeared in a flash.
Luna repeated his words, mystified. I translated, "That's a secret. Good bye."
Cheerilee hugged me again. "You were brilliant."
Luna finally spared her a glance, but instead of saying anything, simply spread the mists, and we swirled off to Canterlot.
We landed on a balcony facing up-slope. Luna took off her helmet and chest-plate, then turned and commanded Cheerilee, "You are not well. My chamberlain will attend to you." The words did not form a command, but there was no doubt that it was.
Cheerilee supplicated briefly and reluctantly went inside.
Luna closed the balcony door and turned to me. "This was the one you dreamed of?"
I nodded.
Quietly, intensely: "She is not who you imagine. You will find, in due time, just how ordinary she is."
"You could say the same of me."
Her brow furrowed. "You are not ordinary. How could you even think that? You..." She flailed for words.
"I failed to intimidate Macidexia. I couldn't have - I don't know what I was thinking. I failed to even slightly impede Discord."
She declared: "You devised the dragons. You chronogated our way home and made it the rest of the way back here with whatever happened to be lying around, without any magic..."
"You've only ever seen me in super-high-stress situations. I do respond well to stress, I grant. Maybe I'm exceptional in that one dimension."
"And in compassion! You saw me through my evil, right from the beginning. Joined me, then gave me hope!"
My stomach plummeted. "I... uh. I didn't mean to, actually. I was trying to distract you so they could hit you with the elements."
Luna gaped.
She recovered. "Of course. You do realize that brings you even further beyond her, don't you?"
"She dismantled Discord's plan to destroy Ponyville, in three minutes flat. Without magic. I know she's not all I've made up in my head about her. I recognize my fantasies. And I know she's not that extraordinary - maybe 90th percentile in intelligence, not 99-point-9th. But if it turns out she's totally average... I'm fine with that. Look. Why are you harping on this? Do you love me?"
She screwed up her eyes. "No, I need you. My roots are very shallow right now, and I need all the anchor I can get, until I'm better. And I don't want to grow just around my sister all over again."
My sigh of relief must have been visible. Emotional dependence is only really poisonous when it's not on the table. "All right. if you want me to stay on as your advisor, I will. If you - and circumstances - will allow me to be your friend, I can try that. Cheerilee won't come between us. But this is going to have an end date, all right?"
Luna took a deep breath, nodded, and regained her composure. "She really foiled Discord?"
I nodded. "The rest of us were completely ineffective. At best."
"Then perhaps I need her as an advisor as well."
She opened the door and we went into her suite. She lay down on a large cushion and I followed suit. A minute passed of us just gathering our wits again.
The door slammed open. Two earth pony guards flanked Celestia as she in entered in a hurry. A pair each of pegasus and unicorn guards followed - with the gang behind, decidedly droopy. Fluttershy was erratically hovering along, cradling Jadis in her forelegs. Sighting the floor cushions, she rushed forward and placed - almost dropped - the baby next to me.
Celestia almost barked, "Discord is about to strike Las Pegasus. Be the empress one last time."
Luna looked her in the eye, and said, "No."
Celestia raised an eyebrow.
Luna clarified, "We are in no condition to fight. In particular, they are in no condition to wield the elements again - look at them." She paused significantly, looking back and forth between the gang and Celestia. "I presume you gathered this threat from the pink earth pony who was just speaking with him? Then I suspect a trap. And if I start taking orders from you, then our pretext for evading your lost bet evaporates. Let us not add another failed gamble to the list."
Celestia's eyes flickered orange, and for a moment I thought we were going to see what Celestia's version of Nightare Moon was. It barely subsided as she declared, "Enjoy being empress of the ninth floor. I have all of Equestria to take care of." She reared up and stalked out, followed by her guards.
Twilight Sparkle tried to follow, but Celestia slammed the door in her face.