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Chapter 17

It took Todd a moment to realize that he wasn't looking at the giant wall anymore. The dream-colors filled his vision, and he waited. After a few minutes - or perhaps longer - the scene resolved itself once again into the dungeon under Warkyn Warren. In the cell, Geraden sat on the wide bed, looking pensive. Geraden Warkyn... Geraden Corwin... the names played through Todd's mind, flipping and switching. Gradually, Todd became aware of other presences in the dream. He didn't know how he could sense them, but he knew Brutus was watching. Other people, too. Perhaps the Tigers?

The door to the room opened. Geraden stood. "Arvetis?"

The Wolf shambled through the door like a wounded soldier. He leaned on the table outside the cell for a moment, then slid into the chair, resting his head on his arms. His paws slid across the smooth surface of his bronze mask.

Geraden left the cell and walked to Arvetis, looking relieved. "You're late. You were due back last night."

"You didn't tell me," Arvetis croaked. Geraden put his paws on the Wolf's back.

"Didn't tell you what?"

"About Westriver."

"Ah." Geraden sat in the chair next to Arvetis. He reached over and pulled the mask off. Arvetis's face was haggard, the fur around his Contrition marks matted with dry tears. "Yes. Your order went through before the UPN fell. Fifty thousand troops... do a lot of damage."

"There's nothing but rubble, Geraden. There are places where they haven't even buried the dead yet. Ten years, and the bones are still on the ground."

"You're fixing it now, though." His conciliation sounded weak. "That's good. The Order is doing good work."

"It will be generations. Geraden... I thought I could atone. I thought I could do enough work to somehow justify my life. But I couldn't do it with three lifetimes."

Geraden sighed and rubbed the Wolf's back. "Arvetis... atonement isn't about how many buildings you reconstruct." He put a paw over Arvetis's on the table, then stood up. "Come on. You need rest." He led Arvetis into the cell and laid him down on the wide bed.

"I don't have time to rest," Arvetis complained, but he went along with the Rabbit.

"Hush." Geraden began to strip Arvetis's clothing, unbuttoning his plain khaki shirt and sliding off his pants. Arvetis turned on his side and curled on the bed as Geraden reached into a plastic package on the nightstand. He took out a thick diaper, spread it on the bed, and gently rolled the Wolf's hips onto it. Arvetis closed his eyes and relaxed a little as Geraden put the diaper on him.

"Thanks, Gerry."

Geraden ran a finger along the edge of Arvetis's leak guard. "Why does it help you?" he asked.

"I don't really know," Arvetis said, drawing his legs up and turning to lie on his side, facing Geraden. "It started as just a fetish, really. Now, though..." The marks on his faced flushed deep red. "I guess it's you. I mean, I never valued compassion before. And now you're feeding me, and hiding me... and caring for me. And it distracts me from my memories." He was hiding his face against the side of a pillow.

Geraden stared down at Arvetis's diaper for a long moment. He patted it, then rolled over and reached out for the bag, taking another diaper out. Arvetis looked up. "I don't need two," he said apprehensively.

Geraden shook his head. He unbuckled his belt and slid off his pants. "Oh!" Arvetis started to turn and face the other way, but Geraden put a paw on his shoulder, keeping him where he was. He unfolded the diaper and put it under himself, then pulled the front up snugly and taped it.

"It itches..."

"You have to pull out the frill." Arvetis was smiling.

Geraden reached down and adjusted the diaper. "Ah... yes, that's better." He rolled on his side to face Arvetis, and the Wolf put his nose against the Rabbit's.

"Why, Gerry?"

Geraden rubbed his nose softly on Arvetis's. "You're not the only one with memories to escape, Arvy."

Something changed subtly in the room, and Todd glanced at the ceiling. The grates had changed somehow. The light coming through them was dimmer. It was later in the evening, he realized. He looked back down to the bed in the cell, and if he'd had a muzzle, he would have covered it with his paws.

Arvetis was on his elbows and knees, his rear hiked high in the air. He was biting on a pillow. Behind him, Geraden's hips were pressed hard against his rear. Both of their diapers lay underneath Arvetis, open and wet. Geraden's arm was wrapped around Arvetis's hip, apparently pleasuring him from the front. Todd was mortified to be watching this scene along with Brutus and the others. He tried to retreat from it, but without a body, he couldn't move.

Geraden and Arvetis tensed at the same time, and the Wolf released the pillow long enough to let out a whimpering howl. Todd saw a splatter of semen hit the sheets between Arvetis's legs, and they both fell to the side against the soft bed, Geraden's arms wrapped tightly around Arvetis. The wolf pointed his nose up, leaning back towards Geraden, and lapped at the air.

Again the scene shifted. The furniture had changed; there was a desk in the corner, stacked with papers. A Rabbit sat at the desk, scribbling on a form. He was mature - possibly in his fifties - and wearing nothing but a diaper. Todd realized that he was looking at Geraden Warkyn. Arvetis was nowhere to be seen.

"Sir," said a voice from the door. Todd turned and saw Skander entering, favoring one foot. It looked like an old injury. "Is that what I think it is? You've actually done it?"

"Yes," Geraden said, signing the form with a quick scrawl. "I have now officially changed my name."

"It was an old name, sir." Skander looked at the floor.

"And a good one! But no longer appropriate. Also, Geraden Warkyn has become quite too famous for my comfort. Let him fade into the history books as the hero who killed Agathos. 'Corwin,' I think, will suit me nicely. 'Heart's wine,' for the blood spilt, and the blood saved."

"Yes, sir..." Skander paused. "And what will you do, Gel-Herathin?"

Geraden sighed. "As long as my Enemy is alive," he said, "I feel no compulsion to leave. I know someone, Skander, whom I think I can help. He's a lot like Arvetis, in some ways. I'm going to invite him here, as a guest of course... and see what I can do for him."

"You're going to try the, ah. Diapers?" Skander sounded embarrassed.

Geraden grinned. "I'm not sure yet. Maybe. First, though, I'm going to try compassion."

Skander nodded, then turned to leave. He stopped himself, though, and turned back around, holding out an envelope. "Apologies... I forgot. This arrived from Arvetis. He sends his love from Tokyo, and promises to be back by the end of the month."

Geraden nodded, took the letter, then held up the form on the desk. "Geraden Corwin," he read. "Geraden Corwin. Hmm."

And Geraden was gone. And the writing desk, and the rest of the furniture. Only the bed and the table stayed. Lamps filled the room, and a plush carpet lined the inside of the cell. On the bed lay a ragged, patchy clump of grey fur. Next to the bed, an ancient Rabbit knelt, naked and unkempt.

Todd shifted his focus in, and saw that the large mass of grey fur was Arvetis. He looked so old... ninety, at least, Todd thought, but his eyes looked a thousand. Todd did a quick bit of mental arithmetic - about eighty years ago, he estimated.

Arvetis clutched his chest with one paw and made a horrible, wheezing, gurgling sound. "Hurts..." he choked.

"I know," Geraden said next to the bed, rubbing Arvetis's paw softly. He, too, was old, but he still looked healthy and regal. "You're having another heart attack, Arvetis." His calm voice broke in a sudden hitch, and he began to cry.

"Not enough time... wasn't enough time." Arvetis arched his back in pain for a moment, then relaxed and resumed wheezing.

"You did so much, Arvy" Geraden said between sobs. "I love you so much." He laid his head on Arvetis, his ear pressed against the Wolf's chest.

Todd wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but by the time he became aware of the Tiger's presence, Arvetis's chest was barely moving.

"It's almost time," Lord Tsugaru said, standing behind Geraden. He looked the same age he had in the cavern underneath the chapel - young and healthy.

"I know," Geraden breathed. "I'm almost ready."

"He did well, Gel-Herathin. He did very well. Perhaps the same strategy can be employed in the future, against other Enemies."

Arvetis let out a gurgling rasp, staring at the ceiling, and Geraden hung his head. He stood, and said weakly, "I'm coming."

Tsugaru smiled. "Good. You'll feel better once-"

"And I'm bringing him with me." Geraden fixed Tsugaru with a steely glare.

"What?"

"And my memories. I have to know who he is... so you'll let me keep my memories this time."

"Wait." Tsugaru put a paw on Geraden's shoulder. "What do you mean, you're bringing him with you?"

"I mean you're going to do to him... whatever you do to me."

Tsugaru shook his head sadly. "Gel-Herathin, that isn't possible. We aren't magicians - our resources are limited. You fill a function, you serve us, and so you are kept."

"Has he served no function?" Geraden's eyes were wide, and his look desperate. "You said so yourself. He's done more for us in the past seventy years than I have in the last three lifetimes."

"And in the four years before that, he did ten times as much against us," Tsugaru said grimly.

"So let him keep working! How much more good might he do? Do you think he'll backslide? After seventy years of penitence, do you think he'll turn against you?"

Tsugaru shook his head. "No, Gel-Herathin. But it's not possible. I would, if I could, but it takes all three."

"Then I won't go willingly," Geraden groaned. "You can force me, of course, but you'd better take my memory and never give it back."

"Gel-Herathin... be reasonable."

"A thousand lives!" Geraden shouted. "A thousand lives and I never loved! Did you think it would have no effect on me? Did Akita think it wouldn't change me when she stayed my hand?" His voice quieted. "You want me to go back to how I was before? That's what isn't possible."

Tsugaru shook his head and closed his eyes. "Hold, please." His image seemed to flicker, and he was gone. Geraden didn't blink. He pressed his face against the Wolf's still chest and sobbed.

"I tried, Arvy."

Todd's perception grew fuzzy for a moment, but when it came back, the scene hadn't changed at all, save that Tsugaru was back. "We've met, and debated your requests." Todd wasn't sure if he'd skipped more time, but Geraden didn't seem surprised at the Tiger's sudden re-appearance.

"What will you do?"

"Not for his benefit, Gel-Herathin, but for yours, we will grant it. He will have another chance. Only one."

Geraden slumped to his knees in front of Tsugaru, taking the Tiger's large paw in his. "Thank you," he breathed.

"Your memories are... a more complicated issue, Gel-Herathin. They burden you heavily. Remember that you almost killed Arvetis when you re-gained them this time around. You forgot compassion."

"I won't, I swear. I won't. Let me remember him, at least."

"We will let you keep your memory of this life. Your previous ones will wait, as always, until you are called. This will be a test, Gel-Herathin. A trial. If your memory impedes your usefulness... there will be consequences."

Geraden nodded. "Thank you, Lord Tsugaru. I owe you three so much. Please, I am ready. My bones hurt."

Tsugaru nodded, and helped the old Rabbit up onto the bed, laying him next to the still form of Arvetis. Geraden wrapped his arms around the Wolf.

"You'll be returning immediately, I'm afraid," the Tiger said.

"So soon? It will happen again, so soon?"

"We don't know, exactly. With two of you... it's more difficult to predict. It's possible that you may live a peaceful life. But not likely."

Geraden nodded. "All right. Let's get on with it, then."

Tsugaru put his paw on Geraden's side. "Release yourself, Gel-Herathin," he said lowly, and then he was gone. An orange mist hung over the bed, though, bright and shining, and Geraden began to change. His old fur, patchy in places, turned shining and timeless. His eyes opened wide, golden and featureless, and then mist descended on him. It enveloped Arvetis, too, obscuring both of them from sight. When it lifted, the old Sentients were gone. In their places were an infant Rabbit and Wolf, shivering and naked.

The newborn Wolf opened his eyes and released a loud wail, scrabbling his paws around the Rabbit next to him. Todd focused his attention on the Canine face... two long-healed scars, incongruous on an infant, marked his cheeks. Tiny, perfect Contrition marks.

About eighty years ago. The figure floated back to Todd's recollection. His mind reeled as he grasped the implications. Not his grandfather, he groaned wordlessly. Not his grandfather.

***

"It's a brick wall, Todd. What's it going to do, take a picture?"

Todd's mind throbbed as awareness returned. How long had the colors lasted this time? Days? Years?

"It's a brick wall and an alley. What if someone sees you?"

He felt panic rising. The other presences were still here; he did not want them to see this. He tried to struggle against the vision and pull out, to wake up, but it wouldn't happen.

"If someone sees me, they'll think 'gee, look, a stranger in a diaper.'"

"They'd think you're weak, Lisa." Todd started. He hadn't said that. "They'll wonder what I was thinking, associating myself with someone like you in the first place."

Todd felt a flare of heat from the presence he thought was Brutus. Anger. He tried to shout, that's not what I said!

It's what I meant, came a reply from the vision-space.

"You're such a pig sometimes, Todd."

"And you're a Mouse. My parents were right about you. Too delicate, too pathetic." No, that's not what he'd meant. He knew he'd never mean that, no matter what he'd said.

"Is that what you think, Todd? You think I'm weak?"

"What else could I think? Look at you. I'm leaving, Lisa. When I come back, the diapers are gone. Or you are. Either would be fine by me, really."

"Todd!"

"Leave me, Lisa."

"I can't. Not like this." The thunk was her head coming to rest against the cabinet.

The door slammed. She didn't, Todd thought.

***

Todd sat up, eyes wide, gasping and retching for air. He flailed his arms in front of him, trying to push the colors away. After a moment, he realized they were not his dream-colors; he was staring at the Touchstone.

"Relax, Todd." Arvetis knelt next to him, putting a paw on his chest and pressing him downwards. "You did well. They say you're a true witness. You'll have to be inducted, of course. We need to know we can trust you, so you need to join the Order. We'll have to mark you."

Todd's muscles clenched. His teeth clattered.

"You're going too fast, Arvetis," Geraden said, standing above the Wolf. "That's not quite how we'll do things. Don't worry, Todd."

Todd didn't hear him. He was staring up at Arvetis as if he'd never seen him before. This person... this Wolf... this monster out of the history books and the documentaries was kneeling above him, in the flesh, older than he had any right to be. Talking about marking him.

Todd screamed.