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Abiding Fervor - Vol. 1 - Chapter 2

As I strolled through the Sephronian kingdom, as they called it, my eyes were searching for Zal but everyone else's eyes were fixated on me like I was some kind of alien. I chose to ignore them, suggesting that perhaps they were staring because I was new to the family. After a few minutes of searching, I finally saw red fur with white markings that was unmistakably Zal's. I walked up to him and once he saw me, he looked at me with a nervous expression and ended up grabbing my arm and pulling me somewhere private where no one could hear our conversation.

"Fen..." The fox said my name in a nervous tone.

"Zal, what is it?" I asked, my expression one of concern.

"It's... It's Jade. I... I don't know who else to turn to... I don't have anyone else to go to... I..." Zal began to cry, his tears streaming down his face as he held my biceps to brace his limp body up. I could feel him shaking as he sobbed. I narrowed my eyes in sadness for the frail fox who looked so helpless.

"What happened with Jade?" I asked, wanting to understand the full story before issuing any advice I had to offer. As he kept a grip onto my arms, his head hung down so that I couldn't see his crying face but I could feel his tears hit my feet. He sniffed and tried to stop crying long enough to answer my question.

"Jade... he won't listen to me. He always tells me the same thing but I'm so sick of waiting for his stupid answer... He won't pick me anyway... Neko is the one he wants, I just know it." Zal explained as more sobs and tears came with a hiccup somewhere in the middle. As sad as the fox looked, I couldn't help but smile. I was so happy that I was the one he came to when feeling sad, lonely and desperate. I wrapped my arms around him and embraced him in a tight hug. His eyes became wide with shock from the movement as his chin rest on my shoulder. He hiccuped once more and then slowly wrapped his arms around me as if accepting my hug. "Fen..." he said in a small voice. In a soft whisper I replied back.

"It's okay to cry Zal... it's okay to come to me for comfort... I'll always be here for you." I whispered this with my eyes closed and a smile on my face. I knew Zal was still somewhat together with Jade so I didn't want to try and make any moves on the poor fox. But it surprised me when the fox looked up at me with those puffy red eyes from crying so hard and leaned up to plant his lips on mine. I couldn't very well reject a frail fox in need of comfort so I kissed him back, closing my eyes and holding his cheeks in my palms. Even if this fox was using me as a comfort tool, I didn't mind nor did I care. I had no one special to go home to nor did I have anybody waiting for me. Zal was the only person I've ever been so close to and if he wanted to kiss me then so be it, I wasn't going to reject him or complain. Once again I tasted his delicious tongue collide with mine and I could hear the fox panting for air. I decided to let him breathe while I slid my tongue along his neck and I was careful to not let my fangs touch. If I ended up stabbing him with my fangs, I would most likely taste his blood and that was something I couldn't let myself do; otherwise I just might regret it. The fox let out a moan when I tasted his neck, slicking my tongue over the Adams apple and moving down to his collar bones. I could hear Zal's breathing getting heavier; his small whimpers were doing me no justice in trying to stop myself from continuing. I will never understand why I chose this fox out of so many others, after so many people I've ignored over the years and never letting myself get close to anyone. I will never understand why I let my guard down around this fox and let him see a side of me that I rarely showed to anyone else. Perhaps it was the way he whimpered my name so softly in my sensitive ears or maybe it was the way he looked at me with those wide emerald eyes that would sparkle with excitement every time he saw me. Maybe there were many reasons why he was so special; perhaps there wasn't just one simple explanation as to why this fox intrigued me so much. I knew the fox liked me but I had no idea how much considering he was still madly in love with Jade when he made it obvious after balling his eyes out in front of me because of him. Even knowing this, I still couldn't let the fox go, and there were a few other reasons why I wanted to let him go. There was a part of me that I never wanted Zal to see and if I wasn't careful, he would see it and most likely be scared of me afterwards or worse, he could end up getting hurt or killed because if it. That was something I never wanted to let happen but if we continued going down the path we were heading, it would happen and I wouldn't be able to stop it. Suddenly my thoughts were cut off when I heard Zal moan and I realized that my hand was rubbing against his erection through his pants. He was hard and the scent he was giving off was driving me insane. My mouth suddenly became hungry to taste him as my mouth opened wider and my fangs grazed along his skin.

"Ah! Fen... That hurts..." Zal said in a breathy voice. My eyes suddenly shot open when I realized what I was doing or what I was about to do. "M-more..." the fox pleaded with that cute innocent voice of his that made things even harder for me.

"No!" I shoved him away and placed a hand over my mouth as I backed away from him with a look of horror. His expression was one of confusion, probably wondering why I pushed him away. "I... I'm sorry..." I apologized as I held my arm and hung my head as I stared at the ground, afraid to look at him.

"Fen, what's wrong? Did I do something I shouldn't have?" The fox asked me with a look of concern. He looked as though he was about to cry again and it pained me to see it. I shook my head in reply.

"No... You did nothing wrong. I'm just... I just don't think we should be doing this anymore... I..." I wanted to tell the fox everything but I couldn't find the words to say much less the right ones. He looked at me, waiting for me to finish. I held my head in my hand, covering my eyes and hiding my expression from his view. "You've already got a boyfriend and I... I'm just not good for you." The words that were coming from my lips were words I never wanted to say to anybody, but yet I said them to the one person I truly ever cared for. Zal looked at me with a blank expression as if in shock. Then he looked at the ground with his hair covering his face and I could no longer see his expression.

"So what you said about how I could come to you for comfort and that you would always be there for me... It was a lie?" he asked in a shaky voice which I could tell he was trying hard not to cry. I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him which probably surprised the frail fox.

"Don't be stupid... I meant every word I said. You can still come to me if you need someone to comfort and listen to you. But let's leave things at that, let's just remain friends or like brothers, okay?" I said as I pulled away from the hug to look at him. Even though he smiled at me to assure me that he understood, he still looked destroyed inside and it made me feel like an asshole. Here I was complaining about Jade being a dick and hurting Zal when I was standing there and doing the very same thing. At least I was more pleasant about things; Jade on the other hand seemed to show no interest in Zal anymore and followed Neko around like a lost puppy. I was heading back outside to leave the kingdom when Zal grabbed my arm which caused me to stop and turn to look at him. He gave me an expression that looked like determination as if he wasn't about to let me leave the place.

"I know Jade isn't the reason... You're hiding something but you won't tell me... Why?" He asked, keeping the grip on my arm as if afraid I was going to run away to avoid answering his question, but I was no child.

"...Because I don't want to lose you. If I can't keep you as a lover then I want to at least have you as a friend." I explained without giving my truth completely away. The fox began to look angry and finally let my arm go.

"Damn it! Why won't you just tell me!? Whatever it is... Whatever you're so afraid of telling me... I can handle it." He assured me by grabbing my hand and holding it. I pulled my hand away and turned my back to him as I stared at the ground.

"It's too complicated for you to understand... and if I did tell you... If you found out... you would never want me ever again... You wouldn't even want me as a friend." I explained to the fox before walking away and leaving him there by himself to ponder over what had been said. That night when I lay in my new bedding that I made in a clearing of grass where I could see the sky clearly, I stared up at the stars, regretting everything I said and everything I didn't say but wanted to. How could I have let things get this far over such a short amount of time? How could I have let myself get so close to this innocent fox who deserved someone better than me and definitely someone better then Jade. Damn that Jade... How could he treat such a cute fox so poorly? How could he ever allow himself to hurt such an innocent soul like that? But then... wasn't I doing the same thing? Wasn't I hurting Zal too? I placed my arm over my face to cover my eyes and I clenched my teeth out of frustration, feeling like I was going to cry. That was a feeling I had long since forgotten when I trained myself to feel nothing after all these years. I wasn't good with people and people weren't good with me so I figured I would shut the world out; if I felt no emotions then no one could hurt me. I never did cry that night but Zal was certainly making me feel a lot of emotions I never thought I could feel. If it was true that Zal could handle the secret I kept, perhaps everything would work out. Then all there would be left standing in my way was Jade, and I was already confident that I wouldn't lose to him. It was true that I hurt Zal but I wouldn't allow myself to do it again. I decided I would tell Zal my secret and if the frail fox couldn't handle it, then at least I could say I tried and continue to live on with my pathetic soulless life I've been living up until now. But if he could handle it and accept me for who I was, then that would bring me one step closer to making this amazing red fox mine. That thought alone was enough to get me to smile before I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.