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"Seth. Hey Seth."

It's a Monday at school. The students are sleepy, the teachers are sleepy, the world is sleepy.

"Seth. Over here."

The white tiger pushes through crowds of other students near the cafeteria - they always flock there, who knows why. As he walks, one person follows and takes place beside him, then another. Toby and Melissa.

"Seth - Seth."

The crowd moves and breathes like a giant lethargic amoeba, never staying too far way from him and never coming too close. He pays it no mind - but that doesn't mean he doesn't realize he's being followed. He turns a corner.

"Seth."

Someone bumps into him, someone he doesn't know. He growls. Toby splits off down a different hallway, without so much as waving goodbye. Douche.

"Hey, cat. Over here."

He glances back to the crowd; they're all mingling with themselves, as if he doesn't exist. Who said that? Melissa disappears up the stairs. Someone else bumps into him, and he stumbles; a growled "move-" reaches his ears, and they flatten against his head. The crowd comes closer - he restabilizes his books under his arm and picks up his pace.

"Cat."

Who's saying that? No one calls me 'cat'.

"Seth. Hey. Don't ignore me."

I don't-

"Seth."

"Seth!"

"Queer."

What?

"Stupid cat."

I-

"Faggot." "Seth." "Why are you alive?" "Queer." "Move, cat." "Wanna sit in my lap, fag?" "Get away from me." "Faggot." "Faggot." "Seth..." "Faggot. "Faggot." "Faggot."

I'm not-

"Faggot."

~ ~ ~

Seth's eyes snap open, and he sucks in a few breaths. Dream. Dream. It was just a dream - nothing more. There's nothing to worry about. He looks over at his clock - a few minutes after six - then turns off the alarm and gets up. Monday again.

He stumbles through his schoolday morning routine with the same sleepy reluctance he does every Monday: stretch, flatten down his fur, stretch again, take all the luxurious time in the world to put on his clothes for that day, stretch a third time. There's not much to eat in the way of breakfast - but that's alright, he doesn't need to eat this morning. Besides, he'll be late for the bus if he does.

The dream enters his mind again, and he pauses while working his his history book into his bag. Why would he dream about something like that? It's not like he was gay or anything. That was preposterous. What a silly notion. Really.

He shakes his head and looks again at the clock - six twenty. Shit. He slings his bag over his shoulder, peeks into his mom's room to say goodbye, and goes for the door.

It's a cold morning outside, and he takes the time while walking to his bus top to go over his homework in his head: all his core classes he had finished Friday, knowing he wouldn't do them over the weekend; art, yes; engineering, yes; French - fuck. He had forgotten to do his French homework. Oh well, he could just do it in the classes before, or at lunch - after all, it is his last period today. A gentle wind blows through the trees lining the street as he walks, and he looks up: they sway gently from side to side, side to side, just as tired as this white tiger walking along in their shadows. What do trees dream of, he wonders?

The bus turns the corner onto his street after a few minutes of waiting, and he climbs on. Everyone sitting down looks to see who it is that's getting on, then turns back to the windows they were looking out of or the person they were talking to. Seth shifts the bag over his shoulder, sees Toby near the back, and heads that way.

"Hey, dude," says the coyote, scooting over to make room for Seth. "You look tired."

"Didn't sleep too well." Seth drops his bag to the floor and holds it between his feet.

"So you didn't stay up all weekend playing video games?"

"Well, yeah, that too, but."

Toby chuckles, and wipes the back of his paw across his brow. "Had me worried for a second there. What's on your mind?"

Seth shrugs, looks away, tries to keep his ears up. If his friend notices, he doesn't show it. "Eh, it's nothing - don't worry about it. Just couldn't sleep. One of those nights."

"One of those nights?" Toby's left ear flicks; then, his eyes wide, and he points a joking sharp-clawed finger at him. "Oh. I get it. One of those nights. Who was it?"

"What?"

"Was it Veronika? I bet it was Veronika. I've seen you checking her out - it was Veronika, wasn't it?"

Seth coughs out a laugh. "Oh. Oh! Dude, no, shut up, not like that I was having trouble sleeping, and that's it."

"Oh." Toby sits back against the seat, disappointment evident in his eyes "Well, long nights sitting in front of a screen can do that to you - especially if there are energy drinks involved. I'm running on, like, two hours of sleep and fourteen hours of Monster."

"Gross. Besides, if I could do someone, it sure wouldn't be Veronika-"

"What?"

"She's a whore!"

Toby is silent for a while, and scowls. "I'd bang the shit out of her."

"Dude, you'd bang the shit out of every vixen you come across."

He's silent again. "Well, yeah, you're right. If you wouldn't do her, who would you?"

Seth breathes out a sigh, and shifts in his seat - he could tell the truth, or he could say what his friend would want to hear. Though, there's no point telling the truth anyway, right? It's not like it was a guy. It's not like he's gay or anything. Nope. "...Yeah, you're right. I'd probably do Veronika."

"Yeah, of course I'm right." Toby reaches into his pocket, pulls out a strip of peppered jerky, tears into; Seth watches in amusement, and laughs to himself. Toby is one of those energetic and unpredictable types who it's fun to just hang around with - he can say the most hilarious of things, and while he's at the top in all of his classes, which are all advanced courses at that, he doesn't give off the 'nerd' vibe at all. He can never take anything seriously, though, and thus can't offer much in the way of advice - but who needs advice? Not Seth. He doesn't have any problems that need to be dealt with, especially ones shoved into the back of his mind that he's ashamed of.

He readjusts his position again and looks out the window around Toby's head. If he just ignored thoughts about the dream, it would - should - go away and he could forget about it. Besides, it was a dream, he would forget it soon enough anyway.

Hopefully.

The bus eventually slows to a stop In front of the school, and people begin filing out. Seth shoulders his bag and stands, and Toby follows after him. By now, the sun has risen above the horizon and shines down on the world from a low height in the sky - but it does so from behind a blanket of pale grey clouds. Seth pulls his jacket tighter around himself.

Toby steps up beside him as he walks - they spend their first two periods together, and in the first, they sit next to each other. "Ready for the test in history today?"

"Guess so. As ready as I'll ever be." They turn a corner and go up the stairs.

"Well, hey, don't worry about it." Toby flashes a grin. "If I can do it, you can too."

"Oh, shut up. That's a lie."

"I know."

Seth punches him in the arm; he laughs.

"Hey, sorry, I had to. Anyway, really, don't worry. I heard it's not hard at all." They come up to the class and slow down.

Seth opens the door. "Says you."

~ ~ ~

The bell rings to signal the end of first period; Seth growls and glares down t his test, almost finished but not quite. Maybe he should've actually read the chapter in the textbook instead of looking at every five sentences and telling himself he had read it. With a dejected sigh, he stands, places it on the teacher's desk, and heads for the door; Toby's there waiting for him, with a wagging tail.

"See?" he says, when the tiger pushes past him. "Easy. How do you think you did?"

"I don't know." Next period would be easier. Seth has always had problems in his social studies class, for whatever reason, and next is math - which there wouldn't be a test in today, just a continuation and elaboration on last class's lesson.

"Oh well. You know I could fail three consecutive tests in that class and still pass with, like, a seventy-five?"

"That's great. I could pass three and still fail with a sixty-eight."

Toby bites his lip. "Heh. Sorry."

In the next class, Seth sits next to Melissa, another good friend of his since early elementary. She's there in her seat when he enters - Toby goes to the other end of the room - and he plops down beside her.

"Hey there, floof," she says, and slips her phone into her pocket - he didn't notice she had it out. "How'd your history test?"

Why does everybody want to know about that? "Didn't finish it. Probably failed."

"Ah." She chews on her claw and flips a lock of hair out of her eyes. "Same here. Bullshit class - should be an elective, not required."

Melissa's some kind of mutt, with muddy tan-and-grey fur and long brown hair on the top of her head between two ears that flop over halfway up. She's loud and audacious, and most of the teachers hate her. She's also a lesbian, which Seth didn't accept at first but eventually got over. Eventually. It took three and a half years, and their friendship is still recovering from that.

"I agree completely. I hate it too."

"Didn't say I hate it." She pauses, then shrugs. "Okay, I do hate it, but whatever. Hate all of school - given the chance and choice, I'd have dropped out long ago."

"Why don't you?" Around Melissa's shoulder, Seth sees Toby bite into another strip of jerky. The bell rings; Melissa turns in her seat to the front of the room. "Fuckin' parents. Sure, I'm not eighteen for another three months and thus can't legally do much of anything on my own without them, but..." She shrugs again. "I've done things I'm not supposed to before. Not like I care what they want for me."

Seth thinks about how his father wants for him to marry a beautiful tigress, and shifts awkwardly in his seat. Beautiful, he could accomplish, but tigress, probably not...

...meaning it would be a lioness, or a she-wolf, or a vixen, of course. Nothing else. Of course he would marry a female - of course. Of course.

~ ~ ~

That class passes just as he had expected: quickly, easily, no problem. Next is art - easy enough, and it's just down the hall, too. Seth waves goodbye to Toby and Melissa and steps over that way -

• and when he reaches to open the door, his paw closes around one already there. "Oh - I'm sorry, he stammers, and then feels a blush warm his cheeks: the other paw belongs to Kyler, the otter he sits next to.

Warm aqua blue-green eyes look into his, and the slim otter smiles softly. "Oh, no," he says, in that smooth voice of his, "it's alright. You first."

Kyler. Seth thinks about him on his way to his seat - otter. Slim, lithe, but not skinny or wiry. Talented, artistic, musical: he's one of the main singers in the school's top men's choir, plays viola in the top orchestra, and often has one or two art pieces featured in the front hall. Friendly. Interesting. Caring. Cute.

-what?

Seth shifts in his seat and looks away: he's coming over now. He didn't have that thought. That thought wasn't his. He's straight - completely and totally straight. Bu Kyler? That's a different story: everyone knows he's gay. If it's not obvious enough in the way he speaks and acts, he came out at the start of freshman year. Seth had known him for two years prior, and honestly never once saw it coming.

Kyler takes his seat and accidentally bumps up against Seth, who jumps in surprise. "Oh... sorry. Zoned out?"

"Yeah." Seth breathes in, and breathes out. "It's alright. Don't... don't worry about it."

The otter finds a more comfortable position to sit in, and relaxes in his chair. "So how was your weekend?"

Seth freezes, and glances over: soft aquamarine eyes look back into his own with genuine interest. "I, uh..." He scratches his ear. "It was alright, I guess... could've been better."

"Oh?" Kyler rests his head in his paw with his elbow propped up on the table. "Well, what's on your mind?"

Should I tell hm?" "I just... couldn't sleep, I guess. I h..."

Kyler waits for him to finish that sentence, sees that he won't, and flicks his whiskers. "Well, if that keeps up, just let me know - my mom knows a bunch of old remedies and all that that'll knock you out better than an... uh... oh, I don't know. You have my number, right?"

Seth's heart bounces in his throat, and he wills it to calm down. Nothing's happening. A friend is just offering help for his sleep problem caused by a few months on-and-off of the same recurring dream. That's all, and nothing more. They won't be talking outside of school and setting up dates or anything like that. Just because Kyler's gay doesn't mean Seth is too. "N... no."

"Oh, alright. Remind me at lunch, and I'll get it to you then."

"Alright. Yeah, okay. Oh-"

"Yeah?"

"You do your French homework?"

"Yeah. You need it?"

Seth nods. "Forgot to do it."

"Alright. Looks like we're hanging out at lunch today." Kyler smiles, and turns his attention to the teacher; Seth just sits there, willing his heartbeat and breathing to return to normal and trying to keep himself from looking over at the otter too often. It's not like he has a secret crush on him - he's straight. Straight.

Seth reaches for the front pocked of his bag, where he keeps his special pencils for this class. He's supposed to hang out with Michael at lunch today, but he would see him next period anyway. They could just hang out at lunch tomorrow...

-because he really needs the homework for French. Nothing else.

~ ~ ~

Lunch.

At this time of day, it's impossible for anyone to get through any hall without bumping up against at least ten other people - everyone is in the exact same place at the exact same time, and they had all the time in the world to go absolutely nowhere in particular.

It pisses him off as he works his way through the halls in trying to keep up with Kyler - the otter said before class ended that he hardly ate lunch and instead went to a quiet place in the orchestra hall where people hardly were to read, or work on schoolwork, or simply to nap. Too bad that hallway is on the other side of the building and on the first floor.

Luckily, a few minutes into lunch, the halls clear up; Seth trots up and walks beside the otter, who was in front of him the whole time. "So... where, exactly, are we going?

"The hall behind the orchestra practice rooms. It's secluded, and quiet, and you can hear the music from the people practicing... it's fantastic."

Secluded.

"Found it a few years back, when I had orchestra fourth period instead of first - I could go down there for lunch, and my next class would be two turns and two halls away." Kyler pulls open one of the double doors to the orchestra hallway and lets Seth through first. "Now, though, I come back here because I like it... and for the memories."

"Memories?"

Their footsteps ring out loudly on the hard floor of the almost-empty hall. A violinist somewhere ahead and to the left swims easily through long, fast strings of notes, rising and falling, rising and falling on formidable yet smooth ocean waves. Kyler's ears perk and cup towards the source of this tuneful murmur. "Yeah. Memories. Back here, I had both my first and last kisses with my last boyfriend."

"Last?" Seth looks over, sees the drop in the otter's whiskers, notices his eyes are unfocused.

"Yeah - haven't had one since. His name was Mikko - that's with an I, not two E's. Wolf, black fur, blue eyes... his left ear had a way of always pointing to the left, kinda flop-like... anyway. We met the year before last, but didn't start going out until around October of last year... we were down here before we were together talking about life. I got into how my cousin killed himself, and Mikko took one of my paws, my left, tilted my chin up with his other... I stopped mid-sentence, and he wiped a tear off my cheek and then kissed me." Kyler sighs and leans against the wall; Seth can't see his face. "He was cute, sweet, nice, all that. ...Well, I thought so, at least."

The tiger leans against the wall next to him; Kyler deliberately avoids his eyes. "What... what happened?"

He says nothing for a short moment. "He broke up with me the next June, in the exact same spot he had first kissed me. He said... said he was never interested in me for me, said he used me. For the sex. He said I was weak, stupid, small, obnoxious. Said a dead infant would be better in bed than me, said I couldn't satisfy him, said I wasn't enough for him, I wasn't cute enough for him, I wasn't... just wasn't enough of anything for him. I begged him to stay, to keep me - I love you, I said, I need you - but he hit me, said... said 'nobody could ever love you, you clingy cunt', and left..." He wipes his eyes and sniffles.

Seth watches, helpless, and reaches forward to pat his arm. "Kyler, I... I'm so s-"

Kyler turns, throws his arms around the tiger, and buries his face in his neckfur. Seth can feel his sobbing. "It's just..." he stammers through gasped breathes, "it was so sudden. I don't know what led him to do it... he seemed so genuine with me, seemed like he actually did care, but... I guess not." He sniffs, and wipes his eyes again. "I've been scared of getting myself in another relationship ever since... one thing he taught me is that you can never tell who someone really is." He looks up at Seth. Little transparent gemstone tears pool in the corners of his eyes and cut small rivulets in the fur of his face. "He also taught me what it feels like to have a black eye and a broken arm."

Seth scans his friend's face, and unconsciously brings his arms up around his back. The violinist hits and holds a bittersweet high note. "I... I thought he hit you one."

"He did. I hit the corner of the wall, hard, and fell... I skipped fourth period and walked home, and didn't tell my parents about it, but they noticed very quickly." He wipes his nose on the back of his paw and lets out a tense, shuddering sigh. "Dad wanted to press charges on him, wanted to talk to his parents, have him suspended and arrested... I said, no, Dad-" He sniffs. "-he doesn't have any parents. His mother died in childbirth and he found his father hanging from the tree in their backyard two years ago. I told Dad, I've seen his house. No electricity, no water, no heat. He asked why I never told him, said he could've stayed with us... I said I knew it would only make it worse in the end."

"How did you know it was going to end?"

Kyler's uneven exhalations ruffle and tickle the fur on Seth's neck and upper chest. The violinist holds a note into silence.

"Because it always ends." The otter's voice, half-murmur, half-whisper, pulls at Seth's heart. "And, when it ends, there's pain - there's always pain. It's the time you spend with the person that matters." Kyler holds his gaze for a while longer, then leans forward and rests his head on Seth's shoulder.

Normally, the tiger would hate this, but... back here, out-of-sight, nobody sees or knows what he's doing - and they don't have to know. Though, it's still not like they were going to kiss or anything. "Ky?"

"Yes?"

"Do you like anyone?"

Silence, except for another sniffle. The otter is warm, soft... Seth moves his arms down to the middle of his back. "Yes, but... I don't think he likes me back. And... and I'm scared. Still scared of another Mikko."

Seth wants to say, I'm not like him. I'm not. I won't hurt you. But - he doesn't know if it's even him the otter likes. Why would he want that, anyway? He's straight. Just because he's letting another guy cry into his shirt and asking who he likes doesn't mean he cares about him as more than a friend. Maybe he just wants to get to know him better. Yeah, that's it.

"Do... do you like anyone?"

His heart once again jumps into his throat - and again, he could tell either the truth or what is wanted to be heard... but, here, he's not entirely sure there's a difference. Kyler can feel his change in heartbeat, as his arms tighten and he looks up again. "I..."

"It's alright... you can tell me, but you don't have to if you don't want to. I just poured out my heart to you, because I feel I can really trust you... but, that's just me. Trusting. Too much, maybe..."

Dammit. Otters are as cunning and good with words as foxes - sometimes Seth thinks the only difference is that otters are brown and rudderier. "Yeah. I do want to. But..." He sighs, and looks away.

"But...?"

"...But... I..." He swallows. He feels a bit dizzy, a bit sick "...I don't know if he likes me back."

That word hangs in the air, a stiff icicle in the most inconvenient of places that refuses to break. It holds there, obvious, ugly, frightening. Seth feels it there, knows its truth, is ashamed of it. He knows Kyler is looking at him, ignores it, looks away - he pulls himself away, reaches for his bag on the floor, throws it over his shoulder.

"I have to go. I, uh... Michael has something for me. Sorry."

Kyler holds on to his arm. "Michael? Farallon? He's not here today-"

"I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

Their paws clasp for a fraction of a second before Seth pulls away. "What about the French homework?"

He's gone.

Kyler sits against the wall and slides down to the floor. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Shouldn't have pushed him.

~ ~ ~

That night, Seth lies in his bed, naked, lonely, tired but unable to get to sleep. He looks over at the clock for the fourth time since laying down: crimson-red bars glare a stolid 1:07 AM back at him. I have to be awake in five hours. Fantastic.

He rolls over, throws his arm over his head, slips it under his pillow, sticks it out in front of him, rolls over. He can't stop thinking about what happened earlier today, with Kyler - what he said just came out. He didn't really mean it.

...Did he?

He realizes he never got the otter's number and mouths a curse - fuck.

Okay, maybe he did mean it.

His phone on his nightstand lights up and vibrates - he grabs it, sets it to silent, checks the text. It's from a number he doesn't recognize: "Seth?"

"Who is this?"

Short pause as the other person taps in their response. "Kyler. I was worried about you, and can see you're having sleeping problems again. Got your number from Melissa in fourth period."

Didn't know they knew each other. You learn something new every day. "Thanks. I just got nervous."

"Nervous? About what?"

"About being with..." He looks over that, thinks about it, erases it. That wouldn't sound right. "About talking to you. Nobody but you knows I like someone."

"Why should they know? It's not their business."

"It's not your business."

"You told me anyway."

Fuck. "I'm sorry I left today."

"I'm sorry I forced you to say something you weren't comfortable with. I shouldn't have done that."

Seth looks at that text for a while. "It was my choice to tell you. I feel I can trust you."

"I'm sure you can trust all your friends with the knowledge you like someone."

"Not with the knowledge that I like a guy."

The wait between these two is longer than the others. He looks at the clock again: 1:22 AM. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Seth."

"Says you. You've been out for years now - nobody even suspects anything of me." He recalls the conversation with Toby on the bus earlier in the morning. "They all expect me to be straight. I'm scared to tell them otherwise, scared of what they'll think and say, what they'll do."

"You don't have to tell them now. Do it when you're ready, like how you told me today. You'll know when."

Sigh. "The thing is, though, I'm not even sure myself."

Give this guy a try, and if he says yes and it works out, just stay under the radar for a bit. If it doesn't , you won't have to tell anyone anything."

"How did you deal with it?"

"I didn't so much deal with it as I did learn about it. When other guys were talking about and eyeing girls, I was talking about and eyeing boys. It was easy for me, so I can't offer much help to you... sorry."

"No, no, don't be. Just talking to you is helping."

And it really is. Seth can feel the heavy weight on his chest and throat being lifted, lifted, lifted. He feels as if he can pour out all his deepest secrets to this cute - yes, cute - otter, who he knows is willing to listen... and who's to say he can't?

"To be honest, I've been having trouble sleeping, too. Been kept up thinking about the guy I like... again, scared to ask him out."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He's funny, kind, handsome... again, though, I don't think he likes me back. If he does, he really doesn't show it. So, tell me about who you like. Don't just leave me hanging."

"Well..." Seth smiles as he conjures up a picture of the otter in his mind. "He's really cute, nice, a bit shy, sweet... he's got a great body and beautiful eyes that I would be completely happy with just staring into for eternity... he's talented, musical, smart..."

"Wow, sounds great. You should go for it."

"I know, but again, I'm scared just like you, and I don't know if he likes me back either." I wish he does, and wonder if he does.

"You'll get over that. But, promise me this, Seth: promise me you'll ask him out tomorrow. At lunch, alright?"

"Tomorrow?"

"At lunch."

"Alright. I'll try... I will."

"alright, good. Anyway, I'm really tired, gonna take another shot at sleeping. Night, Seth."

"Goodnight. It was great talking to you."

"As it was with you. Sleep well, tiger."

"Sweet dreams, otter."

~ ~ ~

No bad dreams that night. Seth turns off his alarm, stretches his arms over his head, yawns luxuriously, throws on some clothes, packs his bag, stumbles downstairs to eat breakfast with the few extra minutes of time he has. With that done, he steps back upstairs to grab his bag and say goodbye to his mother, and he's out the door.

It's warmer today than it was yesterday, but not by much, and the bus comes within seconds of his arrival at the stop. He plops down next to Toby again, who casts him a sleepy glare.

"What's with you?" growls the coyote. "You're never this peppy in the morning. Did you reach your Great Enlightenment last night or some shit?"

"Not exactly, no. Things have just been... going my way recently." Seth flips through the messages on his phone - everything he said about Kyler while describing him is true. He's no longer afraid to admit it to himself. Amazing, what a few texts can do.

"Well, it's giving me a headache, so make like a computer monitor and turn your brightness down." Toby looks back out the window; his ears are half-down.

Seth sits back in his seat and just... smiles to himself. It's been so long since he smiled without trying - not meaning he's had a bad life, which he really hasn't... it's just that, now, he feels better about himself and everything. It took a lot of courage to admit what he did to Kyler - someone who has been through this before, someone who has already figured it all out - and, in doing so, he finally admitted to himself something he had been denying and pushing away. He's admitted it, but he still hasn't fully accepted it: there's that doubt in the back of his mind, that paranoid and slightly hopeful doubt that nags at his heart and consciousness, that says, you're making a mistake. This isn't right. You're not right. People are going to tell you, it's not right. You're wrong. You're wrong. They'll call you faggot. It's not right. Queer. Faggot. You're not right, Faggot. You're a faggot, and nothing more.

Seth looks around: nobody's looking at him, even though he feels that everyone in the world is. There's nothing to be afraid of, he tells himself, they don't know, they don't ever have to know. What if this is just one of those stupid things a simple one-time fling? Or... what if we do work and I'm with him for the rest of the year, for longer? What if... what if I'm not the guy he likes after all, and he says no? What if? What if?

If there's nothing to be afraid of, why am I still so afraid?

~ ~ ~

First period. Today, he has chemistry class with Toby a few seats away - they share a lot of classes this year, a drastic change from not having any together for the last two. The coyote sits with his head on his desk and ears lowered, and his tail swings idly out the back of his chair - perhaps, like Seth yesterday, he's just simply tired. Maybe he's having problems of his own, problems with love -

...Toby?

...Gay?

Nah. His parents probably just made him take his meds - that really tones him down, and makes him no fun.

Seth looks around the class again. I wonder how many of these students have secrets of their own - things they're willing to reveal to nobody other than their most trusted? All of them, probably. I have my secret, Seth realizes. I have mine; Mikko is Kyler's; dropping out is Melissa's; and Toby's is that he has an atypical attraction to vixens. Strange secret of a strange person. Is there a whole network of secrets and gossip that everybody knows about and that nobody knows about? Could there be?

~ ~ ~

Second period. Study hall, with nobody particularly special. HE takes the time to finish the homework he didn't have the chance to the previous night, and once that's done, he tries to sleep but can't. His mind and thoughts are too awake and energetic - he sees Kyler smiling, he sees himself, sees them holding paws, kissing, vanishing, hears a million insults In a million disapproving voices.

I'm not so sure about this, he realizes with a slight shock. Yesterday, last night, it seemed like a wonderful idea... but, now, I'm not so sure. There were no people to judge me in my bed, in the back orchestra hallway. In the real world, in everyday life, you're constantly being judged, even if you don't know it - no matter what you say, what you like, what you do, no matter who you are. I can hardly handle being judged now - I don't think I can do this. I'm scared. I'm really, really scared.

The bell rings, and he jumps. The world really is an unfriendly place, he tells himself while gathering his things. Already, people insult me and make fun of me for the video games I play, the color of my fur, the classes that I'm in... what will they have to say when they learn I'm with another guy?

He turns a corner and pushes past a wolf in gym shorts. I've heard several stories of g gay students being bullied to death, be it by the bullies themselves or suicide... I won't kill myself. But... that's probably exactly what they all said. I don't know what I should do. I'm scared, and worried, and nervous, but... but I still want to do this. I want to see what it's like, but I also don't want to.

Someone bumps into and bounces off him; he turns another corner and spots his next class. I'll just talk to Kyler. He'll know what to tell me; he'll know how to calm me down. Just one more period, and then I can see him.

How long did it take me to realize that I'm... attracted to him? Seth ponders this as he opens the door to his class and goes for his seat. Hard to say - I never actually admitted it to myself until yesterday. I wouldn't let myself believe it. It was a wall of glass: took a bit of force, but once there, it all just fell away.

Now I just need to not step on the shards.

"...Seth? You there?"

"Hm?" He turns.

"I've been trying to get your attention since you sat down." The tabby sitting next to him tilts her head. "Could you figure out the homework from last class?"

The bell rings. "Yeah, but admittedly, it took me a while - see, there are two..."

~ ~ ~

Seth stands in the middle of the hallway looking around. It's so clean, and you can actually breathe without smelling the scents of three thousand different students and species - here, there's only four or five he can pick out, two of which are his and Kyler's, and surely a few more if he was to have a better nose. One end of the hall ends in always-locked double doors that lead to the old storage room before the school expanded and got renovated. It's a fairly small hall, too, enough so that he could lay down with his arms above his head and touch both walls. All in all, a pleasant and cozy place, and he can see why the otter likes it so much. Today, instead of a violinist, there's a pair of cellists playing a slow, somber duet he thinks he's heard somewhere before; under that is the gentle whispered murmur of the conversations of the other people in the main hall.

He reaches into his pocket, checks his phone, puts it away. Such impatience - where's Kyler? By this time yesterday, he was crying into the tiger's shirt. Maybe he had to do something at the start of lunch, or maybe he's coming from farther away with a longer route, or maybe he got distracted, or maybe he's not even here today, or -

Nope. Kyler turns the corner with his phone in his paws, humming the harmony of the cello duet - didn't know his voice could go that low. Again, you learn something new every day. "Hey," says Seth; the otter glances up.

"Oh, hi." He slips his phone into his pocket. "So, how'd it go with the guy?"

Seth feels his ears lower, and he avoids those pretty blue-green eyes. "I, uh... I dunno yet."

"Hey, hey, hey, don't be scared." Kyler reaches out and pats his arm - his paw is so warm... "If you get rejected, you get rejected. Oh well. There are other guys - other girls, whatever. You'll never truly know who the right one is until the day you die. Don't worry too much - a little anxiety is natural.

"...Well..." Seth scratches his back, still looking away. "See, Ky, the thing is, I..."

"Hey. Seth." Kyler drops what he's carrying - his sketchbook and a history book - and steps forward; he takes one of Seth's paws, who tries to pull away - but he keeps a tight grip. "Maybe this will help your confidence..."

He starts to lean in; Seth watches, eyes wide, and feels his heart pound. What's he doing? Is he going to kiss me? What's going on?

The otter does kiss him, but not where he first thought - those soft lips warm his nose for a second and a half, and that gentle voice soothes his beating heart: "Now, I believe you had something to ask?

Seth looks into the pair of half-closed jewels in front of him. "I..." He feels dizzy again, feels like he's watching this from someone else's perspective. "Kyler, I..."

The otter brings his other paw to Seth's chest and holds it there; his claws gently tug on the soft dyed cotton of his shirt. He squeezes Seth's paw.

"Kyler..."

"Yes, Seth?"

The cellos sing back and forth, back and forth, as sweetly melodious as the otter's voice. "Would... would you..." Seth swallows. Now or never. "Would you, maybe... like to go out with me?..."

The otter smiles and leans in close; Seth can feel the soft exhalations on his face. "I'd love to."

Seth breathes out a sigh he didn't know he had been holding and pulls Kyler close; the otter brings his arms up around his back and hugs him back. Through the fast heartbeat and nervous breaths in his ear, Kyler can still hear the cellists slowly dancing, singing a solemn, somber tune. He closes his eyes and breathes in Seth's scent, the tang of dirt, floral detergent, and the comforting aroma he had inhaled when he was buried in his white neckfur the previous day. He breathes in, and breathes out.

"How'd you know it was you?"

The vibrations of his voice through his chest make the otter's ear flick. "To be honest, I didn't. I just had a hunch, though, based on what happened yesterday... and, I was kinda hoping. Took a risk."

Seth looks down at him. "I was hoping that I was the guy you liked... looks like I was right."

"You were."

Seth breathes out, smiles, and gives the otter's paw a squeeze. "So..." he says, heart still beating a bit quickly, "where'd you like to go f... for our date?"

"...Hm." Kyler leans back in the tiger's arms. "We could see a movie. That 'Island of Lost Minds' one looks pretty good."

"Yeah, I had my eye on that one, too." Movie theater. A dark place, where they could hold paws without being seen, a place where they could enjoy each other's company without being judged. That would be nice. "When are you open for that?"

"Friday night's good."

"That's so far away though! It's Tuesday."

"Yes, but halfway through Tuesday. Tomorrow's Wednesday, and that's halfway through the week. You can handle it." Kyler kisses Seth's nose again. "Tell you what. Until then, let's you and me meet here. This'll be our spot."

Seth works up the courage to kiss his nose back, and does. Maybe - just maybe - this isn't going to be so bad after all. "I'd like that."

"...But I can't promise we'll always be the only ones here."

"What?"

Kyler steps back and shrugs. "Well, people walk by, you know. And, like I've said, sometimes some of my friends come by to hang out."

"Oh." Seth looks around. "I... I guess that's okay."

"What's wrong?"

Of course he saw right through that. Damn otters. "I just... I'm just figuring things out, Ky. Could we... maybe keep this between just us for a while?"

"Like a secret?"

"Well... when you say it like that..." The tiger fidgets. "...No. I just mean, like, not public... not too public."

"Oh, sure." Kyler intertwines his paws with Seth's and smiles softly. "Can we still hold paws while back here?"

"If... if we're the only ones."

"Understandable... alright. I can do that." He pats his shoulder. "If I try to do something you're not comfortable with, just let me know, okay?"

"Alright. Thanks."

Kyler smiles again. "So how'd French go?"

~ ~ ~

"How was fourth period?"

Seth types in the response to his phone. "Boring, Shakespeare always is."

"Well, I like it."

"Last time I checked, I'm not you. :P"

"Heh. You're right. I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Seth smiles at the warmth blooming in his chest. "I couldn't focus either. Excited for Friday."

"Me too... gonna be great. You sure you're up for it, though? I don't want to push you into anything you don't really want to do."

Seth takes a glance over at the clock - 11:37 PM. He's a bit tired, actually. "Your concern is really sweet, but I think I can do this. Besides, if I never do anything new, I'll never get more comfortable with being seen in public with you." The 'with you' at the end of that made it sound like he was ashamed, so he erased that part and sent it.

Longer delay between sent message and received message... Seth yawns. "You're right. I'm proud of you, Seth - you've dealt with so much, and in such a short period of time. I know it's hard for you, but it'll get both better and easier in time."

He looks at that for a while, and sighs. "How do you deal with the bullies?"

"Bullies? There actually haven't been as many as you'd think... but that might be just because they know I accept who I am and it doesn't bother me. I really don't know what to say in the event you get tormented, but... you're my boyfriend, and I'll do my best to help."

Boyfriend. He rolls that word around in his head - I'm Kyler's boyfriend. He's my boyfriend. We're boyfriends. We're fags -

No.

"Thanks. That really means a lot. Anyway, I'm tired, gonna head to bed... goodnight, Ky. See you in art tomorrow."

"Yeah. Sleep well, kitten."

Seth places his phone on the nightstand and pulls the blankets up to his chin. Something in his heart tells him that this is the start of a very good thing.

When his alarm buzzes him awake the next morning, it's raining; the gentle ceaseless drumming provides an easy background to his morning routine, and when he leaves the house, he finds himself in a fantastic mood despite the dull grey wetness of just about everything.

He stands beneath a tree at his bus stop at the end of the street, hood up, looking around, a smile on his face. He wonders if Toby managed to forget to take his meds, and grins at that thought - such a silly kid. He's so vulgar when off his meds, and that makes him so much more fun. It'd also be great if he did take his medicine, because then he'd be really easy to piss off... and that was even better.

He hears the bus before he sees it: it drives up, turns the corner, stops, lets him on, starts again. Toby's in his usual seat near the back, nomming on another scrap of jerky.

"What the fuck!" he growls when Seth sits next to him.

He forgot - 'forgot' - to take his meds. "What?"

"Where were you at lunch yesterday, man? Left me n' Michael hanging!"

...Fuck, that's right? They had scheduled Tuesday lunch to work on a project for Shakespeare. "Oh... sorry, I forgot, I -"

"Sorry doesn't cut it! You'd better be there today." The coyote tears off a strip of meat and wipes fog off a spot on the window. "Douche. Where'd you even go? I mean, it's not like you actually have friends or anything like that."

"Shut up, man." Seth laughs and tries to think up a fast response; it doesn't seem like Toby's paying much attention though, so he swallows and sits back in the seat.

"Well?"

"I was... with someone. A friend."

"With?" Toby looks over; the bus goes over a bump, and his sharp ears flap. "A friend? More important than a project that will fail us for this grading period if we don't finish? There's something you're not telling me."

Yeah, well, fuck you. Seth sighs. "Fine. I asked someone out."

Those sharp dusty-grey ears perk. "What? Who? What'd she say? ...Was it Veronika? It was Veronika, wasn't it?"

...Yeah. She. "No - no, it wasn't Veronika. It's someone you don't know."

"I bet it's someone I do."

"It's not."

"You have any classes with her?"

..."Art. I... we sit together."

"Oh. Art. Gross." Toby tears off another piece of jerky. "Yeah, I probably don't know her. I don't know many people in art."

Seth pulls in a deep breath and slowly, slowly sighs it out; the bus smells of warm, moist fur, which does absolutely nothing for his agitated nerves other than grate on them even more. I don't think I can handle it if everyone questions me like that - he didn't even suspect anything, and I'm all nervous and shaky. These next few days are gonna be hard.

~ ~ ~

First period comes and goes with the same lethargic drag it always does, and soon, Seth is sliding into his seat for math.

"Hey." Melissa, sitting on her desk, slaps his back. "Fluffball. I heard you're going out with our rudderbutt."

Seth freezes. "What?" "Kyler. That true?"

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. "Who told you?"

"He did, of course. Who do you think?"

"You know him?"

"Didn't you know all the fags hang out together? We're a family or somethin' like that."

His heart thumps at that word. Fag. That's what I am. Faggot.

"Anyway." She leans in close, and rests a paw on his desk for balance. "How long has this been going on? Did you not think it necessary to tell me first?

"I..." He swallows. Oh God. "I wasn't planning on telling anybody for a while, really. I just... I'm figuring things out, okay?"

She looks at him under lashes emboldened by mascara. "Alright." She slips off into her seat. "Just checkin'. If you ask me, girls are better... when you're finished with guys, all they wanna do is conk out and go to sleep, no matter how much energy you've still got -"

"Melissa -"

"- and guys tend to be really bony and painful, and they worry too much -"

"Meliss -"

"- and besides, girls always seem to have sharper teeth and longer tongues, if you know what I mean, and -"

"Melissa!"

"Alright! Sorry." She laughs and checks her phone under her desk after a quick glance up at the teacher. "Though, in all seriousness - if you ever need any help or advice, I'm here. You have my number, I've got yours - and you also have that otter of yours. He's a real catch, you know; this past year alone, he's been asked out... nine times, I think it was, and he turned down everyone... then this happened." She shrugs. "Damn lucky cat."

Seth breathes for a while, and then relaxes - or tries to, at least - in his chair; so Melissa supports him. He shouldn't be that surprised, really - he just feels that everyone's against him because of his choice -

• choice?

No, that's not right. Not a choice. He didn't just choose to start liking Kyler one day. He didn't choose to be unexplainably attracted to his personality and body. He didn't choose to change his life in such a way as to possibly destroy his friendships and reputation. You can't choose who you fall in love with. Seth can see that now: if this doesn't work, there's really nothing he can do about it.

Is that supposed to bring me comfort?

It still is nice to know that not everyone is against him - he has Kyler, and he has Melissa, and nobody even knows anything yet. Maybe, just maybe, his fears of the world are much worse than the world really is. No matter what, he just can't shake this great feeling he both fell asleep and woke up with... not that he wants to, of course.

~ ~ ~

He sits in his seat for art and looks back at the door every few seconds - calm down, Seth, don't look too excited. He'll get here when he gets here, and when he does, he -

The otter waves at him as soon as he steps into the room, and rushes to his seat. "Hey, kitty," he says after giving him a quick hug - something the tiger is comfortable with, as he was the one to offer, and he does it all the time with his other friends. "Good to see you. How's your day been?"

"Slow, but good. Been looking forward to this period." Seth turns to the front of the room and pats the otter's leg; a warm paw closes around his under the table for a fleeting second and a half before pulling away. His heart doesn't bounce in nervousness, but instead in joy. "I've been in a good mood all day."

"You too?" Kyler grins; his greenish eyes sparkle in jocund opalescence. "Oh, I just have absolutely no idea whatsoever as to why that may be."

Seth giggles and shifts in his chair, remembering his conversation with Toby on the bus that morning. "Oh... Ky, I can't make it lunch today."

"Hm?"

"I have to do a project with Toby and Michael - I was supposed to help them yesterday, but I forgot, and I was with you, and I'm sorry, and -"

"Shush." A finger at his lips silences him. "Kitten, it's alright, don't worry about it. School comes before anything else. We still have lunch tomorrow and the next day, and then -" He leans in; Seth glances around. "- and then our date."

The tiger smiles and nods - for some reason, two days seems so much shorter a time than three, but still pretty long. "Cool, thanks... I didn't think you'd have a problem with it, but I still wanted to check in with you and let you know anyway."

The bell rings to signify the start of class. "I'm glad you did - I would've worried, and probably would have just asked after school." Kyler puts his sketchbook on his desk and flips to a blank page; Seth catches a few brief snatches of figures, landscapes, and other things in graphite, watercolor, ink. My boyfriend's an artist, he realizes, in many different areas - so what am I?

Every once in a while throughout class, Kyler will do something cute - like brush Seth's paw while reaching for a pencil, or bump his leg with his knee, or accidentally brush their tails together. Because they sit in a back corner of the classroom, Seth doesn't worry too much about being seen... however, whenever a classmate does happen to look over here, he completely freezes up and tries not to show any hint of his relationship with the otter.

Class passes fairly quickly, and he gives Kyler another hug before leaving to track down his other friends - and while doing this, he deeply wishes the coyote wouldn't press any further about this new relationship...

~ ~ ~

...But, knowing Toby, that's just simply too much to ask for. "So what species is she?"

Seth sighs and flips through the pages of his textbook. "Otter."

"Ooh. Parents okay with that? Not being the same as you, and all?"

"Parents don't know yet." Will they ever?

"I see how it is. Been there." Toby pulls his netbook out of his backpack and boots it up on his desk. "Is Michael here today? I know he was sick yesterday."

"Dunno. He's in my fourth period, but that's no help to us right now."

Toby breathes a curse and taps something into his computer. "So. This girl." Fuck. "Tell me about her. Eye color? Fur color? Need to know what she looks like so I know who to mock for going out with you."

"Shut up." The tiger lounges back in his chair. "Well... you know when you find a clean pond somewhere and it's so clear you can see to the bottom?"

"Yeah?"

"Imagine that color, but richer, more... charismatic. H... eyes are that color, that kind of aquamarine-turquoise... teal, I guess."

"And fur?"

"Otter, so brown. Chocolate. Nothing really special there."

"I've seen an otter with black fur. People are different. You never know."

"That was Alex, and he dyed his fur."

"Still. Okay, how about jewelry? Anything there?"

Seth has to think about that for a moment. He conjures up and image of Kyler, smiles to himself... oh, an opal necklace would go so fantastic with those eyes... "...Nope. I can think of something that would look good, though..."

Toby shakes his head; Seth grins in response. "Dude, you're hopeless. Must be pretty happy."

"Yeah." He skims over a page of the textbook. "Yeah, I guess you're right... I am pretty happy. I really am."

~ ~ ~

Wednesday evening. Thursday morning, lunch, afternoon, evening. Friday morning, lunch -

Kyler churrs excitedly and bounces on the balls of his feet, holding Seth's paws in his own. "Tonight's the night!... I'm so excited!"

The tiger giggles - he can't keep himself from smiling, either. "Excited for me or the movie?"

Kyler pauses, and grins. "Both!"

Today, there's a string quartet playing a piece that he thinks he recognizes. "I'm excited, too... told my mom I was going somewhere with a friend, and luckily, she didn't ask who. She said it was alright."

Kyler's ears flick at the word 'luckily', and then perk back towards the main hall. "I would've forced you to come even if she had said no. Oh - some of my friends are coming. Alex and Melissa, I think. Dunno what they want."

And, sure enough, the mutt and another darker-furred otter turn the corner. Seth releases his boyfriend's - boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend - paws and slips his own into his pockets, hoping the two - Alex, at least - hadn't seen anything.

"What's up, otterbutt?" Melissa flicks her eyes over at Seth; he meets them, warily, and shifts.

"We were just talking about that new movie - the psychological thriller one." Kyler grins, and his tail sways - and bumps against the tiger's leg, who takes a step out of the way. "I'm gonna go see it this weekend."

"Oh really?" Melissa raises her eyebrow; Seth's heartbeat quickens. "You going with anyone?"

Kyler shrugs - oh, please, please pull this off. Please don't be stupid... "Going with a friend, and that's it. Nobody likes sitting in a theater by themselves. So what are you two doing here?

"Just wanted to check up on you - haven't seen you in a few days, fluff." Melissa unwraps a stick of gum from her pocket and begins chewing it. She watches Seth with a kind of half-amused boredom. If only she could read my mind, he muses - she could hear all the words I have picked out for her.

...Actually, on second thought, her being able to read his mind would be quite the opposite of a good thing. Instead, he gives her his most vile glare - which earns a glance from Alex - and leaves it at that; she smacks her gum and gives him a teasing nod in return.

"Uh..." He taps Kyler's shoulder. "I've, uh, gotta go. Toby and Michael might want some more help on our project."

"Hm?" The otter looks confused for a moment, and then nods a few times. "Oh - yeah, sure, of course. I'll see ya later, I guess."

The tiger shoulders his bag and pushes past Melissa on his way down the hall - man, I'm really going to take some flak for this later...

~ ~ ~

"So... what happened today?"

Seth sits back in his chair with his feet up on the desk in his room. A glance at his clock tells him it's not even five yet. "I'm sorry. I just got really nervous.'

"They both know about us. There's no reason to worry. Besides, you know how Alex is - he hardly says anything to anyone."

"You told him, too?"

"Should I not have? It's not like he cares."

"Well, I care. I just wish you'd have come to me first."

Short delay. He checks his phone to make sure he didn't get the text and just not notice. "Alright. I apologize. I really should have asked if you were okay with it first - it just slipped my mind, I guess. Again, I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't worry about it. Ready for the movie?"

"Yeah, I was just about to start heading your way. See you soon, cat."

He readjusts his position in his chair and closes his eyes; he tries to calm the excited and nervous jitters all over his body, but just can't. Yes, he's a bit anxious of being seen in public with the otter - maybe they could pass themselves off as friends, not boyfriends - and his usual fears of that, but also, he really wants that time with him - that one-on-one, just you-and-me time. He really enjoys spending time with Kyler, which actually comes as a bit of a surprise upon first realization: he never once thought this might be a serious thing, never really thought that he might be... that he might actually be gay. It's strange to think about: him, Seth, white tiger, semi-popular in school once common modesty is disregarded - holding paws with, hugging, kissing, fucking another guy? There may not be any other guys. Kyler might be the only one - that had been the case with one or two of his friends, a kind of isolated interest in only one other member of the same gender. If that's the case, what is it about Kyler that makes him so special?

You're overthinking things, Seth tells himself. It's not that complicated - calm down and think. Who cares what it is that makes him special? We're together now - and I'm happy - and he's happy - and we're both happy - and that's all that should matter.

He looks out the window next to him, holds the gaze of his reflection for a short while, then looks past it and down at the street below. A couple is walking by on the sidewalk down below - male and female, predictably, and same-species as well. Perhaps they're husband and wife. Never see a husband-husband couple. Is there a reason for that?

It's because it's wrong, isn't it?

No. It's not. Seth silently scolds himself for thinking that. It's not wrong just because people - [everyone else] - say it is. It's not wrong. Kyler's the one that helped me figure that out - he's the one that looked me in the eye and said, sternly, it's okay. When the rest of the world - when I - was saying otherwise, he was there for me.

He looks through the texts from the otter on his phone. He was there for me, and he'll be there for me for awhile longer - a day, a week, a month, a year, two, three, the rest of my life - he's going to be there, right by my side. I'm not Mikko. I'll treat him right, and he'll stay.

...Seth pauses in his thoughts, and blinks. Was it that easy? It was that easy. All those sleepless nights spent in fear of what - no, of who - he was, of who he is - they were all for nothing. Having been together for not even a full week, this is what Kyler has taught him. Fear is a stupid, pointless thing for the hearts strong enough to overcome it, and when he's with Kyler, when he's with his boyfriend, his heart is more than strong enough.

The doorbell rings; his mom calls for him. "Seth! Your friend is here!"

He feels in his pocket for his wallet and phone, and takes one last lookaround his room before leaving. Is his heart really strong enough, as he so believes? He pads quickly down the stairs, and smiles and waves at the familiar otter in the front doorway. That's not what today's event at lunch says. It's not what all his dreams, his nightmares, say - though, these were all before Kyler.

"I'll see you later, Mom." The door closes behind him; Kyler gives him a hug and takes his paw.

"You ready for this?"

"Yeah - really excited." he's comfortable with holding paws in public, but not while there are other people around - reasonable. Wait, no, it's not -

"I figured we could just go to the theater a mile or so down that way - closer than any other, and cheaper too. That cool?" Kyler skirts around to the driver's side of his car and yanks the door open.

Seth opens his door as well. "Yeah. I'll pay."

• as he would be perfectly comfortable with holding paws with a female in a public area with other people around, like that couple he saw on the sidewalk -

"No you won't. I will."

• but, then again, he's only now figuring things out, and it's been just a few days since he admitted this to himself - how could he already be doing it, be coming out to others? - and it's sure to get better and easier in time -

"I'm the one who asked you out."

• but really, there's no way to actually tell how this goes until he does it, and if only he could take his own advice and not worry about it -

"Yeah, well, I'm the dominant one in my relationships."

Seth looks over, an amused smile on his face. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Kyler glances back at him, flashes him a grin, looks back to the road. "If you don't believe me, I'm willing to prove it - right here, right now. I still have opportunity to pull over."

...What. "No, no, it's fine, I believe you."

"Are you okay with that?"

Is he? Does it - should it - really matter? "Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Don't see why not."

Kyler looks out the window and turns onto the highway. "Good, because I'd have to punish you if you weren't." He glances over again. "Heh, kidding, kidding. Yeah, we're gonna get along just fine."

Seth smiles and sits back - that much is clear to be true. No girlfriend of his had ever gotten him to smile like this or feel like he does right now - Kyler, this otter, this male, is something different, something... better, perhaps? That'll show itself in time.

What will I tell Mom, though? The tiger shifts in his seat. Eventually - sooner or later - she'll suspect something, and I'll certainly have to tell her something at some point in time... how often will I be going out with Kyler? How often will there be others in our hall with us? How long will I be afraid of letting others know - how long will I be closeted?

"You doing alright?"

"Hm?" Seth looks over. "Oh... yeah. Just thinking."

"What's on your mind, kitten?"

"Just... oh, I dunno. I don't think I can be as open about... our relationship and who I am as much as you can."

"Well, yeah, we already know that. Don't worry about it - it's always hard at first. I wasn't always this open, you know."

"No, I mean..." He sighs. "...Never mind."

"No, no, you can tell me." The otter turns off the highway and catches sight of the theater. "I'm your boyfriend. I'm supposed to listen and offer advice. Get that into your head - boyfriend. Boy-friend."

Another sigh. "I'm not sure what I'm going to say to my mom, or how I'll tell her I'm - different, and I'm worried about my friends and -"

"Hey." Kyler pulls into a parking space and places a paw on Seth's leg. "You think too much. Everything will make sense in its own time - don't you worry. And if something does go wrong, you just let me know and I'll take care of it. Okay?" He leans in and plants a light kiss on Seth's cheek. "Okay?"

"Okay... alright. Thanks, Ky." Seth leans forward, puts his arm around the otter, and pulls him into a hug - then draws back when he realizes there are people walking around outside the car.

Kyler smiles and gives his paw a quick squeeze before opening the door. "Now come on. We've got a movie to see."

~ ~ ~

Dark. Noise enough to cover the noise they make. Back of the theater, where nobody ever bothers to look. Armrest between them up, leaning on each other, paws intertwined, Seth's head on Kyler's shoulder - the tiger can honestly say right now that he is truly happy. Yes, every once in a while he does cast a glance around, but here, he feels safe. In their own little bubble, their own little world. He can do anything he wants to, and nobody but his otter would notice.

...Okay, he can do almost anything he wants. There are limits to everything.

Seth lets out a happy sigh and nuzzles his date, who smiles and gives his paw a squeeze in return. If only it could always be like this - if only, if only.

"When you wanna plan our next date? I'm open for whenever - never have anything to do."

This date's not even half over and he's inquiring about the next one? How seet. "Well, you could come over to my place sometime next week." Seth readjusts how he's sitting, and lifts his head. "We could just hang out, go for a walk maybe."

"Yeah... that sounds nice. Let me know when, alright?"

"Alright." Seth puts his head back down and lets a soft purr rumble in his throat when the otter puts his other arm around him and softly strokes his fur. He had not slept through only nightmares about this, about being gay - no, for he had also slept through dreams sweet and wonderful. This had been one of them: watching a movie in this theater, with this otter. The mornings after those dreams, he was always tempted to go ahead and carry through with his wants, but at the end of each day, he never could... just what was it that built up the rest of the courage?

It was Kyler. He had offered his paw and helped Seth scale his mountain. He had given him just the right push in just the right direction. He had led Seth to discover who he really was and is - he had led him to happiness.

Seth still holds on to that paw, and he knows he won't let go of it for a long, long time. He's holding onto it right now, in the darkness between them. If only it was this easy everywhere else. He can remember something an old ex said to him a year or so ago - "Let's go to the movies and not watch the movie"...

~ ~ ~

Time passes slow enough, and Seth isn't interested enough to pay constant attention to the screen - eventually, though, the movie ends, and apparently it's one of those deserving of applause at the end. He files out behind Kyler and they step down the stairs and down the hall.

"so." Kyler stretches his arms over his as he walks. "What'd you think?

"Didn't watch it. Couldn't say." The tiger pauses for a moment, then glances over. "I liked it though. I really did."

"I'm glad you did." Oh God, that smile. "I liked it too. Want me to go ahead and drop you off at your place?"

"No, no, we still have some time - told Mom it was a three hour movie, so we've still got, like, half an hour." Seth holds open the door for the otter and lets him pass - outside, it's already dark. They took a side exit out the theater: now, they stand in the wan circle of yellow light given off by a streetlight out over a back road that leads around behind the theater. Nobody's around.

Kyler sits on the curb and gives rise to a wide yawn, which transfers to his date. "Man," he says, "it's weird going in when it's light outside and coming out when it's dark. Throws me off."

"No kidding." Seth sits next to him. "It's only, like, eight though."

"I know. Still weird." The sounds of people and cars out front seem to grow and ferment in the pleasant warmth of tonight's air. Kyler seems a bit preoccupied: he looks up at the bulb of the streetlight, scratches the side of his nose, looks off to the left, scratches his nose again, licks his lips idly.

"Otter."

"Tiger."

"Something's bothering you. What's on your mind?"

He sighs, and looks away. "It... it's nothing. You don't have to worry about it."

"Come on. You're -" Seth stutters. "- my boyfriend. You can tell me."

Kyler's silent for another moment. A car drives away out front. "It's just... Seth, I've known you for a while now - what, two, three years? It's that I... listen, I know we shouldn't be doing much more than holding paws. I know, I know, I..." He sighs again. "...I want more. That's it. I've had my eye on you for a while before we got together, and it's been a long time since I was last in a good relationship with someone..."

Seth's heart is beating powerfully - what can he do? "Kyler -"

"Seth, I know you're new to this. I know you're nervous and unsure of yourself, and I respect that. I don't want to do anything you don't want to or that will make you uncomfortable, but knowing me, I'll just get impatient and push you..."

Seth bites his lip and lowers his ears - what is he supposed to say? What does Kyler expect him to say?

...Is he breaking up with me?

No, no, no, that can't be it. That's not it. That can't be it.

"I'm scared of losing you, Seth. That's all I'm trying to say." Kyler turns and looks at him; tears line the rims of those beautiful gemstone eyes. "You're my friend, and now, my boyfriend, and I want to go faster, but I also don't..."

Seth takes the otter's paws and holds them tight. "Look at me," he growls; Kyler does, and sniffles. "I'll be fine. I'll let you know if you do something I'm not okay with. You have nothing to be afraid of."

"I feel like I'm not good enough. Mikko said he wouldn't leave me, and -"

"I'm not Mikko." Seth scans those two blue-green eyes. "I'm Seth. I'm Kyler's boyfriend - and I plan to remain like that. You hear me?"

Weak nod. Come on.

"I said, you hear me?"

"Yes... yes."

"Come on, Ky. Let's go home. I -"

Kyler lurches in suddenly and interrupts him midsentence, one paw half-raised, mouth open. Time freezes for Seth: he doesn't breathe, he doesn't blink, his heart doesn't beat. The cars and people and whatever fade to silence, the streetlight darkens, the half-thought of the movie he just half-saw melts to all-blackness.

I'm kissing a guy - I'm kissing Kyler. Oh my God.

The otter draws back and looks down. "...I'm sorry. That was... I should've -"

"...No, no, no, don't worry." Seth tilts his head back up with a paw under his chin; his heart beats normally. All his fear and nervousness is gone. Maybe he knew what he wanted and instead didn't know what Kyler wanted. " I was... you didn't give me enough time to get ready."

Kyler wipes his nose on the back of his paw, and his ears perk up a bit. "Oh... should we try again?"

"Yeah."

Seth is not new to kissing - he's just new to kissing guys. He sees Kyler lean in and does the same, slowly, slowly, slowly... oh God. Behind his closed eyes flash the memories of all his exes and everything he had done with them, along with thoughts of what would happen if this was to get out, and -

• and it all fades away once more when Kyler's warm lips press to his own and lock. Oh God. A shiver runs down his spine, and he melts.

Kyler draws back and licks his lips again. "You like?"

Seth nods. That's all he can think to do. "Wow."

"Glad you think so - that really makes me feel better. Come on, I'll drop you off."

~ ~ ~

The car slows to a stop in front of Seth's house; the tiger sits in his seat, quiet in thought.

"You alright?" Kyler reaches out and places his paw on the tiger's leg.

Seth places his own paw on that one and smiles softly. "Yeah, I'm fine - I'm great. Had a good time tonight."

The otter returns the smile. "I'm glad you did. I did too."

"I'll be seeing you later, then, I guess." Seth opens the door with his other paw.

"Wait. Kitten."

He turns back around - and jumps a bit when the otter's paw lightly caresses his cheek and that still-unfamiliar pair of lips press to his once more and then pull back. "See you later."

He waves at the car when it drives off, then walks to his door and opens it.

"So how was it?" his mom asks, with the click of the door closing behind him.

He steps up one step of the stairs, trying to hide the soft smile and blush on his face that will last as long as the physical memory of the kiss will. "Hm? Oh... good. It was good." He climbs the rest of the stairs, heads down the hall to his room, opens the door, lies on his bed, and closes his eyes.

Oh my God.

So many things happened to him today - so many new things, scary and frightening yet still comforting, relaxing, welcoming. I kissed him. I kissed him. I really kissed him. I really kissed a guy - and... and I enjoyed it. I haven't felt that good in a long time, he realizes with a slight shock. Not since... not since ever, really.

Though, perhaps, are we going too fast? He rolls onto his side and stares into the bright red of the digits of his clock. Kyler did say he's liked me for a while, and - like it or not - I've been wishing for something more than friendship from him for some time, too. Is that the same, though? ...Does it even matter? I like him, he likes me, we both want more - shouldn't that be enough? There's always the chance that this is just stupid naïve infatuation, though, that it's nothing more than curious lust...

Seth.

Calm down.

He closes his eyes again; he breathes in; he breathes out; he breathes in; he breathes out. I like Kyler. I want Kyler. However this goes is how it's meant to be.

I just wish... what? What do I wish? I don't need to be afraid of anything or anyone - Kyler is there for me. I still will be afraid, but... I'll get used to everything eventually.

...Won't I?

~ ~ ~

Saturday. Slow, lazy day for Mom; busy, exciting day for Seth as he leans forward on the couch, elbows propped on his knees, controller in his paws, and headphones over his ears. On Saturdays, he and Toby usually log on together and play a game or two (or three or four or five or six, sometimes long into the night) with scarce eating or bathroom breaks. Fun times indeed.

They're deep into a capture-the-flag match on that new shooter game that came out last week when Seth hears over the mic: "So you're with someone."

He freezes. Blinks. Panics, just slightly. "What?" Someone shoots him in his stupor; the screen goes red. You have lost the flag.

"C'mon, don't act awkward and single like you usually do. Melissa told me - told me not to tell you she told me, but you probably told her not to tell me what she told me, so. You know."

He hits the pause button and sits back. The sounds on the match continue on, a minor detail in the very back of his mind. "I... she told you?"

"Yup. Now, don't just stand there, man, team needs you."

Seth's mom, who is visible in the other room, pays no attention. Seth readjusts his headset, shaking a little. "So... so you know?"

Toby responds with a short burst of laughter - or maybe an exasperated sigh, who knows? "Of course I know. That's what I just said, didn't I? Really, tiger. Maybe dropping that advanced class wasn't such a bad idea for you after all."

"And... you don't care?"

"Why would I? Do I sound like I do? Now that you're off the list, people expect me to make a move and get someone for myself. Gee, thanks. Dick."

Wow. Wasn't expecting that kind of response, especially from Toby - looks like Seth's worry really is much greater than what there is to worry about.

The screen goes red again beneath the grey of the pause screen, and he turns his attention back to that. His team is losing by four points - before he paused it, they were winning by one. Better get to it.

~ ~ ~

Sunday. One day closer to Monday. Another lazy day - this time for both Seth and his mother, who he wakes up to find out doing errands or something. Nobody knows for sure what mothers do outside of home on Sundays. She left him a note: he has to do the dishes, mow the lawn, and clean his room. He can do all that later. It's eleven in the morning, and he has an otter to talk to.

The phone at his ear dials the number and rings a few times as he sits back on the couch. The silence and emptiness of the house seems foreign and strange, and he shifts slightly.

A click, and a familiar voice he heard not all that long ago. "What's up, kitten?"

"Hey." The smile lifting the corners of his lips somehow manages to thwart all his attempts of shy suppression. "So... yesterday I learned that Toby knows about us."

"Toby?"

"My best friend. Coyote?"

"Ah, that Toby. What'd he say?"

"He said he doesn't care, and he's happy for me. Imagine that."

Kyler's cute little giggle spreads to Seth. "Aw, see, fluffbutt, you can get through this. Don't worry about it too much."

"I mean - Melissa doesn't care, and he doesn't care, and you don't care of course, and... those are really all the opinions in the world that matter to me."

"Well, Seth, no opinions should really matter but your own. If someone doesn't like it, that's their problem, not yours."

"I know, I know." The trees outside sway in a slow breeze, warping their shadows that filter in through the window. "I'm just... I'm happy, you know?"

"What about your mother?"

Mom.

"Does she know?"

The giddy warmth inside the tiger slowly begins to bleed out to something colder. "...No. She doesn't. She... she doesn't have to."

"Seth -"

"She'll find out eventually. Melissa found out. Toby found out. I'm sure she will, too."

"- and everyone else in the world will find out at point or another in time as well, not just her -"

"I'm not entirely sure what she'll think if she finds out - when she does. I mean, yeah, she's cool about most things, but... I don't know."

"- whether you like it or not -"

"It shouldn't really matter - after all, I am her son. But, then again, I've heard stories... do your parents know?"

"Seth." Silence. "You're freaking out. Calm down. You're not ready now to tell her, but maybe you will be in a week, or two, or three, or a month. Just tell her when you're ready, if she hadn't already figured it out by then. You just need to relax and handle things logically - sure, it might be hard, but you'll find it's much better than panicking and worrying all the time. I've been there."

Seth drags his paw down his face and sighs. "How'd you get through it?"

"Hard to say. I mean, part of it was the fact that I had surrounded myself with friends and people who simply didn't care one way or another, and another part was because - like I said before - the opinions of other people don't really bother me. Yeah, it's a bit hard to ignore when they're all annoying you and such, but, you know, what can you do about that?"

"Yeah. I just wish it was easier somehow."

"You haven't seen anything, kitty."

"I know." He flips on the television in an absent mind. Wonder when Mom will be getting home. "That's exactly my point. I'm already having a bit of trouble now."

"Oh? Like what? What's on your mind?"

"Like... I get nervous when around groups of people, and whenever someone mentions me being with someone or asks whether I'm single or not, that sort of thing... I'm just really paranoid, you know?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's understandable... don't worry, that'll all pass."

Hearing Kyler's voice, free of worry and thick with compassion and understanding, makes things that much better for the white tiger sitting on his couch - Seth wants to tell him that, just to be sweet and sincere instead of helpless and frightened, but he can't bring himself to. Suddenly, the memory of the other night's kiss enters his mind and refuses to leave; he raises his paw to his muzzle. Can still feel the phantom touch on his lips. "Kyler?"

"Yes?"

He shifts and sighs softly. He shouldn't have said anything. "I... nothing. Never mind."

"Hm? Oh, no, you can tell me."

"I..." Oh God. What's wrong with me?" "...Kyler, I want you."

Silence. "Well." The otter gives a light chuckle. "That escalated quickly. You're so cute. I want you too, kitten - we're gonna see each other this week, remember? Hold yourself until then."

What's that supposed to mean? Seth bites his lower lip and shifts again - it's again a bit uncomfortable in this position. Right now, he's the only one in the house, and he has his boyfriend on the phone. Also, he's wearing nothing but the pajama pants he woke up in... "...What are you wearing?"

More silence. "Underwear. Usually walk around at home. With no more than this."

Kyler. In underwear. And nothing more. Huh. Seth thinks about that for a while, lets that image hang in his thoughts: slim, sleek-furred otter, probably muscled a bit due to his being on the swim team... dear God, I'm a horrible person. We're horrible people.

"Dude, I can practically hear you purring. Not now, alright? We have more important things to attend to first. Anyway, Mom just woke up - I'll talk to you later alright, kitty?" Kyler makes a kissing sound and hangs up - and leaves Seth there, somewhat stunned and somewhat aroused. By the tone of his voice, it sounded like Kyler didn't have the same intentions he did - that's preposterous. He's an otter! He's supposed to be horny! All joking aside, his stern words did surprise him a bit... maybe there's more to this otter than I previously though. Or, maybe, I just simply let my boner get the best of me. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Maybe this whole relationship thing actually is going to be a bit tough, on top of all my other problems...

~ ~ ~

Kyler didn't call or text the rest of the day; Seth looks through his phone on the walk to the bus stop the next morning to make sure he hadn't missed anything. He hadn't. That worries him greatly, and Toby notices it as soon as he takes his usual seat next to him.

"What's goin' on in that fat fuzzy head of yours, meowzers?"

Seth growls in his throat and checks his phone - again. "It's... nothing. Nothing you need to worry about."

"Uh huh. Well, you just let me know if I need to choke a bitch."

A short burst of uncontrollable giggles results from the absurdity of that idea; then, Seth thinks, I may be the bitch you need to choke, depending on how things are going.

Frustrated, he finally slips his phone back into his pocket and sighs - at the worst, I can just talk to him in art or at lunch. There's really nothing to be worried about: it was a simple silly mistake, and he's an understanding person. There's nothing to worry about.

Why, then, am I still so worried?

He keeps his paw on his phone through the fabric of his pants for the whole bus ride to the school, with a steadily increasing sense of dread. Nothing's wrong, he tells himself over and over. He won't be mad. Nothing's wrong. Nothing's wrong. He pulls his phone out again when he steps off the bus -

"Okay, tell me." Toby nudges him. "What's bothering you? You keep on checking your phone. Someone dying or something?"

Seth mutters a curse and once again pockets his phone; he can probably expect the same for the rest of the day, or at least until lunch. Kyler doesn't really seem like the kind of person to text in class. "He's not texting me."

"Who?"

"Hm?" Once inside the building, the tiger instinctively lowers his voice to avoid being heard. "Oh. Kyler.

"...Kyler?"

His heart skips a beat. Could Toby maybe not...? "My... my boyfriend?"

The coyote's ears flick and then flatten back a little at that word, and he pauses in his walking for half a second. "I didn't know you're gay."

The venom dripping off those words stuns Seth - enough so as to make him not pay attention and bump into someone. "But... but you said -"

"I said Melissa told me that you're in a relationship with someone - not that you're gay. How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you been gay?"

He wants to tell him to shut up, wants to hit him, wants him to just stop talking and forget that anything about the matter had ever been said. "I... my..." God, there are so many people around! He feels as though his heart is beating both fast and hard enough to send ripples through his shirt. "I don't... I don't know."

"Well, how long have you keen with Kyle?"

"Kyler. And, I don't know... a few days, a week? Why does it matter?"

"Wanna know how long you've been lying to me."

What? Seriously? "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Why are you... I mean, why?"

"Why am I what?"

"Queer."

Seth catches a flick of ears from someone passing by, and his flash of anger is replaced by fear and panic. His voice fails when he first tries to speak. "I - I can't believe you. You're my best friend...!"

By now, Toby's ear shave completely flattened against his head, and his lips are curled back in a thinly veiled snarl. "Do you know what could happen to me if it got out that my best friend is a fag?"

Fag. That word. Spat like poison, like a bad taste. He hears that word, that knife, over and over a thousand times in one second. Queer. Fag. Seth.

You know what? Fuck these people. "I can't fucking believe you!" All around, heads turn, ears perk, conversations lull and stop. "You... you're ridiculous! I thought you were intelligent, but I guess - all these years - I was wrong after all."

Seth stands a few inches taller than Toby; the smaller coyote glares up, eyes glinting in the too-many lights of the school ceiling. "So now it's not intelligent to care about the reputation one carries? Really? What else is wrong with you?"

"Well, when you abandon your best friend of seven years -"

"Who wouldn't, especially if that 'best friend' is a faggot?"

The hall is silent. Seth can tell that everyone else knows what Toby said to be truth and not a halfhearted attempt at an insult - maybe it was his voice that told them, or maybe it was Seth's face and reaction.

Stunned. Shocked. Outraged, angered. All of these, words to describe his face and the multitude of hot black emotions running through his mind and veins. Toby knows he shouldn't have gone that far - not in front of all these people. He knows he did something wrong. He knows Seth is stronger than him. He tries to take a step back, tries to evade whatever it is that's coming to him -

• and then the tiger's fist is there, cracking his head to one side, making him stumble on his half-complete step backwards and fall; a collective gasp ripples through the people around, the crowd, the audience, the spectators. Spatters of hot crimson mar the otherwise impeccable white of Seth's knuckles; Toby sits up, ears down, paw held to the side of his face the tiger hit. Blood cuts a deep rivulet in the fur of his face from under his paw and drips down to the floor.

Seth readjusts his backpack on his shoulders, checks his phone, turns, and walks to class.

~ ~ ~

Toby doesn't show up to first period - good. Not only would things be a few exponentiations up of awkward, people - if not the teacher - would surely ask what happened, and, judging by how that dog acted earlier, he'd probably give the full story and get Seth in trouble faster.

He already knows he's going to be punished at some point in time - something like what happened before class does not simply go unspoken of afterwards. People in the halls step away from and skirt around Seth as he walks: it's already getting around among the students. This many people weren't there, and he doesn't recognize or remember some of them. It's just a matter of time before a teacher hears about - and one of the police officers around will certainly know about it by then, too.

Really messed up this time, didn't you?

"He deserved it," Melissa calls as soon as he enters his next class. As usual, she's sitting on her desk.

"What?" Seth looks around the room before stepping towards his seat. "You heard? ...Did you talk to him?"

"Of course I heard, fuzzbrain. I also heard you brained the kid because he called you a faggot." She brushes some hair out of her face and grins down at him; he looks around again - a few ears are perked in this direction, but that's the most of it. The teacher is bent over his desk at the end of the room and is too focused on whatever it is he's doing to pay attention. "Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration;. He was bleeding, though - must've caught him with your knuckles or something."

"Yeah, that sounds about right. Sore." He waves his paw out; the red-stained fur leers a triumphant grin at him. "How bad? I didn't see."

"Cut his face from under his eye to the middle of his cheek - I heard he has to get, like, seven stitches." She shakes her head and exhales. "Hoo. Shit for him - really not like him to explode on you like that; he was fine with me."

"You weren't his best friend."

"What should that have to do with it? I bet he's secretly closeted. You were once like that, you know, if not just a bit less extreme - and see how you turned out."

"Yeah, I dunno. Could be he's just really fucking stupid."

The bell rings, and Melissa slides down into her seat. "Always a possibility. Also, if you get suspended or whatever, know that I would've done the same thing, and I'm on your side."

The slurry of hopelessly mixed emotions and thoughts stirring around inside Seth can't aid him in producing a genuine smile. "Thanks. Thanks, Melissa.'"

"Hey, if I know anything about guys, it's tat there are only three emotions that can overpower the strongest of minds and willpowers, and those are: anger, lust, and love."

Anger? Been there. Lust? Check. Seth muses silently to himself as the teacher begins the lesson.

~ ~ ~

Art. Art art art art art. Kyler. Seth is nervous and somewhat frightened, but he knows there's no way out of this - and, he just wants to see his otter.

Kyler's not there when he steps in. He's not there when he takes his seat. Each time the door opens he turns, and each time, it's not Kyler. Seth thinks back to what he said and what he did - and then realizes it made him seem like a sleazy greaseball.

The bell rings.

Kyler's not here.

Seth feels his ears droop and rests his head on his elbow. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The teacher begins. The other students pay attention and follow along. Seth mulls over his mistakes and curses time and time again under his breath, every once in a while casting forlorn eyes over at the empty seat next to him.

Such foolish stupidity. He's a sweet, cute guy, a nice and understanding friend, a levelheaded ott with a pleasant voice and [mostly] good intentions. He really doesn't deserve to be treated as just another friend-with-benefits, someone to call on for casual sex every weekend. That's not what a relationship is about - no, that's not it at all. Seth recalls something his mom had told him a few years ago, something that his pompous early teen self dismissed as cheesy and unrealistic: she told him that sex is one of the highest expressions of love, that it should be shared between two people whose hearts are only for each other, that it's not something to be tossed around and given out. Yes, Seth wants it. Yes, Kyler wants it - maybe. However, their want does not imply meaning. Kyler was right - it just wouldn't be right this early.

I wish I could turn back time - just one day, if even that. I messed up. That much is clear. I'm sorry.

Behind him, the door opens and then closes; he doesn't bother expending the energy to lift his head and look. It's not like it's Kyler, anyway. He sighs and closes his eyes. Maybe he'll get called up to the office sometime this period so he can go home and go to bed.

The seat next to him is pulled out, and someone plops down in it. His heart speeds up a little. "You alright?" murmurs a familiar voice right next to his ear. "Just sleepy?"

He lifts his head - and, sure enough, there Kyler is. The tiger's ears remain down. "Listen, I'm really sorry about yesterday - that was really stupid of me, and I just -"

"Hey." A warm paw intertwines with his under the table and squeezes. "I know. Don't worry about it - I'm not mad, kitten. I realized it may have come off like that at the end of our conversation, and I'm sorry for any worry or guilt that might've caused." He looks up at the teacher and gives Seth's paw another tight squeeze. "Hey, listen - we'll talk more at lunch, alright? Teacher's lookin' at us."

The tiger nods. Their paws remain intertwined for the rest of the class - except for when they have to reach for something or do something with both paws, in which case they go right back under the table and intertwine once the task is done. It's a sweet, unspoken thing that does more to lift Seth's spirits than any amount of words ever could. It tells him that everything is going to be alright.

~ ~ ~

Once through the noise-dampening doors of the orchestra hall, Seth reaches for and takes Kyler's paw, who looks over at him.

"Kitty," he says, "there are people down here."

"I know."

"And you don't care?"

"Nope." Seth wipes his nose with his other paw, making an effort of showing the blood.

Kyler, of course, spots it immediately and tightens his grip on his paw. "What happened there...?"

"You didn't hear?"

"Hear what? I overslept - that's why I was late to art."

"Oh." He sighs and looks toward the ground. "I... kinda got into a fight."

"Oh dear."

"Well, not really a fight... I mean, he was calling me things and insulting me, and I just let my anger get the best of me and..." He shows the back of his paw. "...hit him."

"Oh my God..." Kyler takes the bloodstained paw in his other and holds them at his sides. He leans back against the wall of their hallway and looks over his boyfriend. "What was he saying? Are you okay?"

"Called me queer. Faggot. Said he didn't want to be my friend since I'm gay, things like that. And, me? I'm fine - just in a lot of trouble, soon enough. Him, not so much. Apparently I cut his face open and he has to get stitches - the blood is his. He didn't touch me."

"Jesus." Kyler lifts the bloody paw to his nose and sniffs at it. "Hurting someone like that isn't something to be proud of, Seth... but I'm glad you faced up to something you were afraid of, and looked cool while doing it - I assume. So, who was he?"

"Toby."

"Toby?" The otter's eyes widen. "Like... your best friend Toby?"

"...Yeah. At least, that's what he was."

"Aw, hon..." Kyler runs the back of his paw over Seth's cheek; the tiger brings his own up to it and gives a gentle squeeze. "I'm so sorry... are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah... yeah, I'm fine." Seth sighs. "I've just wanted to see you all day. After last night, I was scared, and nervous, and -"

Kyler puts a finger to his boyfriend's lips and waits until he trails off into silence. "Shh," he says, "don't worry about that."

"I'm sorry. I just feel like I owe you something, like I need to do something for you to forgive me."

Kyler thinks for a moment. "Kiss me."

"What?"

"I said, kiss me."

"Here?"

"You hold my paw with people around but won't kiss me with nobody."

"I never said that."

"You sure did it."

Seth takes the otter's head in his paws and leans forward, pressing his lips to the warm pair waiting for him - and suddenly the colors of the world are all rejuvenated and energized, every sound is amplified and sharpened and Kyler's scent sticks rich in his nostrils. He must be doing something right, as this is a feeling he's never felt with anyone else before.

Kyler pulls back and smiles a smug smile. "There. All forgiven. Wasn't so bad, was it?"

Seth taps his chin in mock thought. "...I did something bad. Will you forgive me?"

The otter giggles and leans back in, pressing his broad nose to Seth's. "I don't know. Will I?"

He tilts his head up and gives him a swift peck. "I say yes."

"I guess I do, then!"

Another quick kiss, and then their eyes meet. Slowly, slowly, the world drips away, as does what nervousness they may have and all their inhibitions. To Seth this feels... right. Before Kyler, he wouldn't so much as let himself think for a fraction of a second that he'd be happy with a guy instead of a girl, but now... he'd have it no other way. Back here, in the orchestra hall, he can be himself, without any restrictions or fears. Maybe one day he can be himself everywhere, but for now, this little side-hall is his and Kyler's private universe.

Eyes half-closed and breathing lowered, Kyler gently brushes his lips against Seth's; Seth leans in with a little more force and closes the kiss. The otter's eyes drift shut and he is struck motionless for a few everlasting seconds - then, his arms come up around Seth's lower back and he tilts his head to one side, pinching off the kiss and beginning a new one. Inside Seth's heart bubbles a rich, bright euphoria, and his heartbeats feel to him amplified, magnified... but all his fears are once more put to rest by this otter.

His tongue is gently, sweet, textured, confident and sure - and Seth instantly rubs his own back against it. He both hears and feels the otter's soft purring, and quickly starts his own. Rich, passionate, rapturous, unmatched, unequaled - all of these and more. Seth swirls his tongue around Kyler's and kisses him again, and again, and loses himself -

Kyler leans back against the wall and licks his lips, panting softly. "Wow. I mean... wow."

"Exactly what I was thinking." Seth grins and wipes his mouth on the back of his paw.

"So." The otter licks his lips again. "You open for tonight?"

"I... don't know. I mean, there's this whole fight thing I've gotta deal with, and Mom's probably gonna ground me on top of whatever school punishment I'll get..."

"Ouch."

"...so I might not see you for a while." Kyler sighs, and pulls the tiger to him. "I know it'll be hard, but I won't go anywhere."

"I'll miss you."

"Hey hey hey, you don't know your sentence just yet. Get back to me on that, alright?" The otter slides down to the floor and pats next to him. "Now, c'mere, kitten. Lunch isn't quite over yet, and I wanna spend all the time with you I can."

~ ~ ~

"Four days on-campus suspension?"

"Mom -"

"And possible police involvement?"

"Mom..."

"What did you do?"

"I -"

"I hope you know you're grounded for the rest of the week."

"Mom!"

"No phone, no internet, no games, no friends, no nothing."

"I can't invite people over?"

"I said no friends. You're eternally damned for the rest of the week to be alone and miserable."

Well, at least she managed to hold on to her sense of humor. Seth drags out a sigh and slams his head on the table. "Got that right. Mom, can I kill myself yet?"

"Not yet. What did you do?"

"Punched someone."

"Who?"

"Toby."

"Your best friend Toby?"

"...Different Toby."

"Why?"

"He was a bully, and he pissed me off. That's it."

His mom is quiet for a while, phone in her paw - she was just talking with the person who informed her of what Seth did. "Alright. Upstairs with you. Go do whatever it is you do when you have nothing to do. Sleep or something."

This is going to be a long, long week.

~ ~ ~

Monday night. Tuesday morning. Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday night. Wednesday? Wednesday afternoon? It's like summer, only with less to do. Friday? Thursday? Who can tell? So much nothing, so much boredom, so little regret. Each of these days seems to last three times as long as any other. Also, it seems Toby doesn't ride the bus anymore.

Friday afternoon. Finally. Seth kicks off his shoes, heads upstairs to his room - and sees his phone, the TV remote, his headset, and a twenty dollar bill on his bed. Mom was always soft with her punishments; he really should have expected something like this.

After charging his phone for a few minutes, he takes a quick look through it: either he got no text messages all week, or his mom read and then deleted any that might have come in - a slightly infuriating thought, but he knows for a fact it's not below her. He types out a quick text to Kyler - really, who else? - and then lays back on his bed.

Well. This week turned out worse than he hoped it would, but it was still only a small, slight hindrance in the Greater Scheme of Things. He's going to see his otter soon enough; he can get back to his normal daily life; the world went on in his absence, and it's still going on now. One thing he had discovered during his punishment is that: things change. It's really that simple. He and Toby were best friends - emphasis, 'were'. Then, something changed, and something else changed, and their friendship changed. It's like how something inside Seth changed when he caught himself looking at and thinking about Kyler, before all of this started - or how something changed to help him build up the courage to ask him on a date - or how something changes in him each time he kisses Kyler, a change that makes him care a little more about that sweet otter and a little less about what everyone else thinks. Everything is fluid and nothing is truly set in stone - and that frightens him, elicits in him a deep-seated fear that can't be dispelled by petty things as actions and words. He holds his phone close to his chest and closes his eyes. He doesn't want anything to change between him and his boyfriend - not for the worse, at least; not like what happened with Toby. What if love's nature is more sinister than it's reputed to be - what if it's all just a ward against fear and unwanted change in things?

No, no, that's not right. That's not love - not true love. If that's not love, though, then... what is?

His phone vibrates in his paws, and he quickly reads the text: "*pounce* I missed you!"

"I missed you too! *kiss*"

"How was OCS?"

Just talking to the otter is enough to further lighten his mood; this day just keeps getting better and better. "I'd rather die."

"If you died, you wouldn't be able to see me."

"That's my point!"

"Wow. Things were boring without you - I actually had to go back to doing things in art and lunch."

"Oh dear." Seth smiles to himself. "So how have your few days been?"

He gets up and goes to put his headset by his gaming console, so a bit of time passes before he checks his phone again; when he does, he has to sit down and read it a few times before his brain processes the words. "Alright, I guess. Bad news, though - Melissa left the first day you were gone. Ran away, like she's been saying she would all this time. Nobody's seen her since, and she left her phone, laptop, everything that could be used to track her. Also heard she cut and dyed her hair."

...What?

Melissa gone?

The only person other than Kyler who approves of Seth's sexuality?

No.

Just... no.

He dials Kyler's number. "Where'd she go?"

"Nobody knows." Oh God, I'm shaking. "Police have been asking around the school - everyone knows she's been planning to leave, but nobody knows where she went. I know she left her phone because her mom picked up when I called and told me everything."

"Fuck!"

"Exactly what I said - her mom, too, apparently."

Seth huffs out a sigh and drops his head into his other paw.

"Listen, I know you two were close. I know that. I -"

"You don't understand, Ky. She and I... I trusted her."

"Well, of course, I'm -"

"No, I mean I trusted her. She knew things about me that now only you do." He wipes his nose on the back of his paw. "One thing in particular."

Short silence. Then, a half-audible gasp, a soft intake of air. "Oh. Oh, jeez, hon... I thought -"

"She was the second person to know - second to you. Then Toby, and... I doubt he'll speak to me again."

"There will be other people, Seth. The world isn't as bad and hateful as you think it is. You'd be able to see that if you could step outside your safe zone, if you only for one, two days. I did - I saw the world for myself instead of through warped black-and-white glasses, and everything turned out okay."

"How can you be so sure? Toby left. Melissa left."

"Seth, don't you -"

"- and now the only one left to leave is you."

The following silence seems cold, still, devoid of anything and everything. That last sentence festers in the air.

Kyler's voice sounds dull and quieted. "...Oh," he says, softly. "I didn't know you thought I wanted to leave you. I... I thought I made it clear how much I want to be with you, how much I... how much I cared - how much I do care."

Seth wipes at his eyes again and pulls in a sniff. "Toby was my best friend, and he left. Melissa was my best friend, and she left. You're -"

"- your boyfriend. Does that not count for anything? To you, am I just a friend you hug, kiss, date - or in this case, a best friend - or whatever? Do you think I'll suddenly drop out of your life because two others did?"

"We've only been together for two weeks, I -"

"What? You what, Seth? You didn't expect us to last? You still don't?" Kyler pauses; the tiger can hear his breathing through the phone. "I've waited all week to talk to you. I've missed you. Yes, Melissa's leaving did upset me, but - surprise, shit happens, wake up, welcome to the real world. There are no re-dos, no saves to go back to like in your video games. Toby's gone. Melissa's gone. I'm not - but, if you want me gone, just say the word."

Seth is speechless for a moment - did all of that just come out of Kyler? His Kyler? His happy, bubbly, carefree Kyler? "Kyler, please, I don't want -"

"Me? Do you not want me, Seth?" It's not his anger that frightens the tiger - it's that Seth was the cause of this anger. "I know you're still figuring things out. Am I just an experiment to you, a person used as a tool to find out more about yourself? Is that all? Because you're more to me than that, Seth. You're much, much more. If I'm wrong for feeling something more for you than any casual one-night stand, then let me know. Just let me know."

Seth breathes in and breathes out - breathes in and breathes out. What the fuck did he do wrong? Why is Kyler being like this? "Please, Kyler, I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're scared." The swift reply - almost before he finished talking - catches the tiger off-guard. "That's what I'm talking about. You're scared. Scared of being seen with me, scared of the truth, scared of who you are - ashamed, even. Don't like the pressure, the bullies, the hated? Too fucking bad. You'll have all those no matter who you are, Seth. I dealt with it. Melissa dealt with it. Every other fag who ever went through high school dealt with it. Why can't you?"

You're scared. Those words echo in the tiger's head, blatantly true, hot, burning into his heart and pressing at the backs of his eyes, bleeding out as little gemdrop tears. "I'm not scared. I just need time." "You've had two weeks."

"I need more time."

"You'll be saying that very same thing in two more weeks."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I've been there!" Seth can't tell whether the elevated breathing he hears is his or Kyler's. "...Seth."

"What now?"

"Do you want me or not?"

"I -"

"Do you want to deal with all the pain, the stress, the fear, and the anger, just to have me in the end?"

Silence, other than the gentle gasp of a suppressed sniffle every now and again. What do I do? What do I say...? "I..." Kyler is an understand person. He'll be there if I regret what I say. He'll be there. He'll always be there.

Seth remains silent.

Kyler breathes out a soft sigh. "I see." The note of anger in his voice has been replaced with something colder, something... less colorful, something grey. "We'll put our relationship on hold, then, until you can figure things out - and, this time, you'll have to do it without me." Click. He hangs up.

Seth lets his phone slide out of his paw and fall to the ground, and then drops his face into his palms and cries.

Who knows how long Seth sits there? He lifts his head at some point in time, drags his paw across his eyes, and lays back on his bed. What just happened? What did he just go through?

He keeps his eyes squeezed shut and deliberately steadies his breathing. Everything will be okay - this will all blow over in a few days. Everything will be okay. It always turns out that way - always.

He brings his phone up and looks through all the texts that aren't there, all the sweet voicemails that Kyler never left. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy for once? Was Kyler happy to be with me?

Seth rolls over onto his side and stares at the wall; he feels empty, cold, lifeless. Kyler's mad because I'm scared...? Well, of course I'm scared! I don't want someone to do to me what I did to Toby. Or... is there something else, some other reason?

How long will it be before I talk to him again?

~ ~ ~

Seth's eyes snap open; his room is dark. He must have fallen asleep. A glance over at his clock validates this: it's just after eight. Wonderful. Looks like I'm not sleeping tonight.

At some point in time during his nap, his phone had dropped off the bed and onto the floor; he leaves it there when he stand sup. It's not like he got any texts or calls or anything like that.

The house is quiet - Mom must be out doing something. Good, he thinks to himself - I want to be alone right now. It's like the color in everything suddenly bled out, and the world became this cold, dull grey - when he kissed Kyler, all that color became energized and brightened, and now that he's gone - now that their relationship is 'on hold' - all that energy faded. Nothing's interesting right now; the one thing he wants to do is put this out of his mind, but there's nothing to replace it. Why, Kyler? Why? What did I even do?

Seth steps into the bathroom and flicks on the light; in the mirror above the sink, a white tiger with tired steel-blue eyes stares back at him. His fur is ruffled, his gaze bleary, unfocused, his ears down, his posture withered and crumpled. Every time a girl broke up with me, I didn't get like this - and Kyler didn't even break up with me. What did he say? "Figure things out"? And then, the last thing before he hung up - "without me"?

He leans in, looks into his own eyes. I know what I want. I want Kyler - I want him to know how much it hurts, this prospect of losing him. If I could just call him up and -

No. He won't pick up. I don't want to sound desperate... but why not? Am I scared? Scared of being judged? Kyler is - was - is? - my boyfriend. He shouldn't judge me, should he? The open door of Seth's room gapes at him in the mirror; the shaft of light from the bathroom falls on his phone next to the unmade bed. It could be so easy - if he picks up, we could settle this. If not, we don't. It's certainly not actually going to be that easy, though - he'll probably ask Seth to prove that he's not afraid, or that he can overcome that fear... and he can't do that right now.

Am I really that strong? The sapphires in the mirror look with doubt at him. That's not what my actions in the past have said - I was getting better, though. I really was. If he had only given me another week - one more week! I'll show him confidence - I'll beat fear down and make it bleed like Toby all over again -

• No.

That's not right.

He reaches up and puts his paw to the glass of the mirror. Anger? Prove how much he means to me - through force? No, no, no, that's not right - that wouldn't mean anything. It would mean less than anything. "Good God, Seth," he growls - the eyes looking into his flick to one side and then back. "You're so fucking stupid."

The tiger in the mirror has no response for him.

He exits the bathroom and goes back into his room, leaving the light off. It's so cool, so dark... he lays on the bed and looks up at the ceiling, arms behind his head. On the floor, his phone lights up and vibrates.

I wonder if I'll ever see what Kyler's bedroom looks like.

~ ~ ~

The otter breathes out a sigh and rolls over in his bed once more - it's cold tonight, too cold. The four blankets of varying thicknesses and weights he has are all pulled up to his chin, and he's still somehow a bit chilly.

Through heavy eyelids and blurred vision, he manages to make out 5:35 AM on his nightstand clock. Jesus. He was up all night. Fantastic.

With a deep sigh lowlighted by a soft growl, he sits up and rubs at his tired eyes; his blankets fall away from the unkempt cream fur of his chest and belly. The dawn light filters in through his green curtains as a dim, even blue-grey; the pastel olive of his room's walls looks a deep marshy forest tone in this light. His phone rests at a haphazard angle near his clock; he looks at it for a few seconds, then reaches over, picks it up, looks at it a bit more, turns the screen on... and sees he has no new text messages. He sighs and looks at the last message he sent to Seth to make sure it did send; the screen makes him squint in its brightness. "I'm sorry."

A pang of something - sadness? Regret, perhaps? Worry? - shoots through his heart, and he forces himself to put the phone back down - there's nothing more to do here. He stands, stretches, flattens down the patches of his fur that stick up - and thinks to himself: how's Seth doing?

I know I was the one that started this - I had to. Kyler reassures himself of this as he pulls on a pair of pants from his closet - if I didn't, he'd never get any better. He'd never be able to be open about what's between us, he'd never be able to truly accept who he is, he'd never be able to be his actual, real self around his friends, his family... hell, he should be thanking me.

...Is it this hard for him, too?

Kyler half-steps-half-stumbles into the bathroom and flicks on the light. He stands there for a moment looking over himself in the mirror - from his little ears to the ruff of fur in the top of his chest to the faint nuances of muscle at his belly to the pants that are a little too large for his slim form - and imagines a white tiger looking back at him. That image fades though, and he's left looking into his own brown eyes, rimmed on the edges with green. To his right rest the contacts he wears to make his eyes bright turquoise; his paw hovers over the case, but then - why bother? Dad doesn't care. Mom prefers I don't wear them. It's not like I'll be seeing anyone else, so why put in the work?

He takes another look at himself - brown and creamy tan fur, brown and green eyes. Slim. Average height, maybe a little bit taller than others. Every other guy wanted me for my body, my sex - is Seth any different? How can I tell? I'm an artist. I'm a swimmer. I'm an otter. I'm another face in the crowd, another student at school, just another anybody.

Seth's scared of us, ashamed of us. He's scared and ashamed of me, scared and ashamed of himself. We'll see if he really does want me - or if I'm nothing more than a little fling of an experiment to him, something not worth the trouble.

Kyler sighs and rubs at his eyes again. God, I miss you, Seth.

~ ~ ~

The weekend drags on by, and the tiger manages somehow to survive it. The daily weather has started to get more cool and wet, more grey; he looks up at the sky and notes the clods on his way to the bus stop - looks like it's going to rain soon.

Today, his phone is nothing but a weight in his pocket. He expects no texts or calls, and neither does he think he'll make nay: his two best friends and his boyfriend are gone. As the bus rounds the corner and slows to a halt, he wonders how everything could fall apart so quickly.

He gets a few looks when he steps onto the bus, but nowhere near as many as the morning after he punched Toby. The seat near the back where they used to sit is open, as it has been every day since then; he slides into it, sits his backpack next to him, and looks out the window. The bus lurches forward, and then the trees, the houses, everything outside begins to go by the window - slowly at first, then faster, faster, and slower again as the next bus stop is approached, and -

"Excuse me - can I sit here?"

He glances back at the aisle: a black wolf with blue eyes stands there watching him. "Uh, sure, I guess."

"Thanks." He takes the seat after Seth moves his backpack to the floor, then extends his paw. "I'm Nicki."

The tiger looks back at him; those blue eyes hold the life of a bright, friendly soul. "Seth," he says, taking the paw and shaking it. "Your name's Nicki?"

"Yeah." The wolf scratches his back - when he speaks, his voice and soft and gentle, a bit on the high side. "...Well, it's actually Nicholas, but I go by Nicki."

"Oh. Any reason why?" Seth feigns polite interest as he looks back out the window.

"Well, it's what my boyfriend calls me, so... why not, you know?"

His ears perk, and he looks back over. "Your... boyfriend?"

The wolf nods. "Oh, yeah - his name's Rufe. He's a cat, mostly black... maybe you've met him?"

This wolf, this Nicki, is strange - he gets on the bus, sits down next to someone he doesn't know, and is this open about himself? Why is it so easy for some people...? "I... can't say that I have, sorry."

"Oh, really? Huh. Coulda sworn... ah, never mind." Nicki licks the back of his paw; those sharp sapphires remain fixed on Seth, who shifts nervously under their gaze. "Anyway. Sorry if I'm a bit nosy, but - you in a relationship?"

Seth's heart pounds in his throat, and he swallows it down. "I... I don't..." Fuck, what do I say? Do I tell him?" "...it's complicated. I'd... like to leave it at that, if you don't mind."

"Oh, no, no, no, I understand completely. Relationships have their bumps, things happen. You know, me and Rufe each caught the other cheating, but neither of us really cared that much, so we've been in an open relationship since then." Nicki puffs out a light laugh through his nose. "That kitty's sweet, though - I'm glad we met. We've been together for, what... two, three years now?"

I used to be Kyler's kitty, Seth thinks. Fuck, I don't even know what I am to him anymore. I have art today... that's probably going to be way more than really awkward, but at least it'll give me a chance to sort things out with him. If he so chooses to speak with me, that is.

He tilts his head. "...Nicki. Do we have any classes together, you and me?"

"We might. I think I've seen you around before - this is my first time riding the bus, and I thought I recognized you, so." The wolf swallows back a yawn - which soon transfers to Seth - and then wipes his eyes. "Yeah... yeah, I think we have art together. Dunno, though, could be something else."

"Oh." Well. Imagine that.

The bus pulls to a halt in front of the school and the door opens. "Well," Seth says, "it was nice talking to you."

"Yeah, it was. I hope we do have a class together - if not, I'll hunt you down at lunch or something." Nicki turns his head back as he walks down the aisle of the bus. "I'm gonna have you meet Rufe at some point today."

"Yeah." Seth thinks he feels his phone vibrate, but he can't be sure - and he also can't be bothered to check it today. "Yeah, I'd really like that."

~ ~ ~

Kyler slumps into his seat for art and looks straight ahead, to one side but not the other, up, down - anywhere but in Seth's direction. He doesn't really know why, other than that he feels compelled to, that he feels it's the correct thing to do in this situation.

"Kyler..."

"What?"

He feels the tiger shift next to him. "I wanna talk."

"About what?"

"You know what."

"Okay then, let's talk. What do you want?"

"I want to be with you."

"So what? I want to be with you too. You, however, are too scared to do anything about your 'want' for me when faced with a complication or difficulty."

"I'm not scared."

"Then -" Kyler turns and looks into the stunning blue eyes he had just started to get to know. In those eyes, he sees emotion, not at all like what he had expected, and falters. "- what are you, Seth? Can you tell me that?

"I -"

"You can't so much as hold my paw in the presence of two people who - mark this: who know perfectly well about our relationship - and if that's not fear, what is it?"

The tiger twirls his pencil between is fingers and stares straight ahead. His paws shake. "Kyler, that was a while ago! You can't say that you were as open as you are now a few days after f -" He trips over his words, and he lowers his voice almost imperceptibly; Kyler catches it, though, and snorts. "- finding out you're attracted to another guy."

"You were scared."

"Of course I was! Don't be ridiculous and pretend like it's strange! I need time - this isn't something to be rushed."

Kyler grits his teeth and looks away once more. A few tables away, a black wolf with blue eyes watches in thinly-veiled interest. "You're so damn full of yourself. Have you ever tried thinking about others for once, Seth? Maybe - just maybe - I've been pushing you because I want to be able to spend more time with you, but I can't because of your stupid fear of being seen in public with your own boyfriend. Did you ever think about that? Have you ever thought that, perhaps, a relationship should be more important than what people you don't know think about you?"

The tiger's pencil breaks in his paw, and the two fragments clatter to the table. "Boys in back," the teacher calls, "quiet down."

Seth raises his paw, not lifting his eyes from the broken pencil. "Can I go to the restroom?"

"Yes."

He gets up and leaves. Shortly after, the blue-eyed wolf also raises his paw and says "Can I go too?"

The teacher waves a paw at him. "Okay, but be fast."

Kyler sighs and opens his personal sketchbook, flipping to a page near the back; on that page is the unfinished sketch of an otter and a tiger kissing beneath a streetlight in the rain.

~ ~ ~

Seth bends over one of the sinks and looks at himself in the mirror. Every time he looks, it seems as if there's something different about his reflection, something off, something... wrong.

Today, there's the glimmer of a tear in the corner of his eye that he just can't seem to get rid of.

Kyler. Is he trying to break me? Is he testing me? What the fuck did he mean by all that about relationships and people I don't know? If people I haven't met don't like me, then I'll never make any new friends or meet anyone new - and, guess what? All the friends that really mattered to me are gone. Right now, I have nobody. Yes, there's Michael, and Jesse, and Trevor, and all the others in my other classes, along with this new Nicki fellow - but I'm not really close to any of them, and I doubt that's going to change anytime soon.

I just wish things were like they used to be. I want my otter back.

A paw lightly closes around his shoulder, and he jumps. "You okay?"

In the mirror behind him is Nicki. "Yeah... yeah, I'm fine." He wipes his forehead and sighs. "I'll be fine."

"I heard what you two were saying." The wolf leans back against the next sink; his ears are slightly down. "He your boyfriend?"

"I don't know anymore. He 'put our relationship on hold' apparently because I'm not open about being gay as much as he'd like me to be." It felt good to say it out loud, felt good to know that this is someone he can trust, someone who has probably gone through the very same thing.

"How long have you known?"

Seth shrugs. "Since around when I first asked him out... like, three weeks ago."

"Three weeks?"

"Three weeks."

"I don't know about him, but it took me something like a year to be completely open about it to everyone. IT changes for people. One thing I know, though - it takes time."

"That's what I've been trying to tell him!" Seth turns the faucet off and straightens up. "I've been saying - I need time, just another week or so, I need time - and he just says: no, you've had enough time. I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have to argue about it if I'd had enough time."

"Guys can be a pain sometimes. All relationships can." Nicki chews on a claw and looks over. "You two will get through this, though. IF you both want it to work, it will work. Like most things, it'll just take time."

"That's the thing, though, I don't know if he wants us to work. Not as much as I do, at least. I mean, he said he did, but... in all honesty, I don't really believe him."

"I know he did. I heard."

"You did?"

"Yes. I heard most of your conversation - and I would assume that most people around the same distance I was heard quite a bit, too."

Seth pounds the corner of the sink with a tightly-closed fist, and instantly regrets it. "Fuck!" He turns and looks at the wolf, who raises an eyebrow. "I don't need half the class knowing about this!"

"Seth - most people don't care. I know it may be a bit hard to believe, but it's the truth. Other places? Things may be different other places. Here, though, people don't really care about what's going on in the lives of people other than themselves and their friends. I'm sure he's told you something like that before."

"Yes. Yes, he has, I just..." The tiger sighs. "I don't know, okay? I'm angry and stressed out and I don't even know what else... and the worst thing about this is not knowing what's going on in Kyler's head. It tears me apart because... because I want him to be happy, but he's not - because of me. Because I..." He wipes at his eyes and avoids the wolf's. "Because I am scared. I've tried to convince myself otherwise, but I really am. I don't want people to know I'm gay. I don't want people to know I'm a faggot. I just want to be with Kyler, and I want to be happy, and I want him to be happy."

Nicki stays quiet for a moment. "Sounds to me like you can't have any of those without having all of them. I know it's hard, Seth, but eventually you'll get over it, and you'll be fine with people knowing about you and him. I went through that, too. So did Rufe. I'm sure your Kyler's been there too, no matter how much he says otherwise. Hey, tell you what... I'll give you my number, and if you can, you'll come over tonight to hang out with me and Rufe, and we'll talk about this. Alright?"

Seth keeps his eyes down and nods.

"Alright?"

"Yeah. Sure." The tiger fishes his phone out of his pocket and hands it over; Nicki looks at it for a moment, then does his thing and hands it back.

He heads for the door. "Oh, you've got a text."

Seth wipes his eyes again and looks down: turns out he really did get a text this morning on the bus. Predictably, it's from Kyler, and when he reads it...

"I miss you, Seth."

God, I'm an asshole.

~ ~ ~

"Kyler..."

"What? What now?"

"I'm sorry."

"You should be."

"I'm trying to apologize! You don't have to be a douchebag."

"Okay - listen to me, cat," growls Kyler, turning and jamming a finger into Seth's chest. "I don't want to talk to you right now. When I said you have to figure things out without me, I meant it."

Seth swallows back a hot-tempered retort and glares into those two - brown? - eyes, now blistering with anger. "You're right. I am scared. I've been scared. I -"

"You're damn right I'm right. Only took you, what, three weeks to figure out what that feeling inside you is?"

"Kyler, please. I've been talking with a friend, and he's helped me figure some things out -"

"So what? You can't watch one porno and consider yourself a master cocksucker."

"...What?"

"Someone gave you relationship advice, told you something you didn't know before. Great. I mean, since each and every single relationship is exactly the same in every way. Uh huh. Well, guess what? They're not. You can't understand some things until you experience them for yourself. Relationship problems, coming out of the closet, cocksucking, you name it. Come on, Seth."

"You're a dick."

"Surprise."

Seth sighs and punches the wall as he walks. All around, people bustle past, heading to wherever they go at this time during the day. "Kyler."

"Oh my fucking God, what?"

"What's happened to us? It's been one day."

"What's happened is what happens when -" The otter leans in and raises his voice; Seth glances around the hall. "- someone is ashamed of his own boyfriend!"

Silence. Seth clenches and unclenches his fists at his sides.

"What?" Kyler leans in closer. "Not gonna hit me, like you hit Toby?"

"Why would I? You're my boyfriend."

Seth says that a bit louder than he intended to; the otter blinks and backs up a bit. "Seth..."

"What?"

"...Prove it."

Seth flinches, and swallows. No more hiding from the truth. No more. "...No." He sighs. "I can't. I... I'm too scared."

The fire returns to the otter's eyes and the snarl to his muzzle, and he turns back around. "That's what I thought."

Seth leans back against the wall and looks up to the ceiling while Kyler goes off to lunch. Fuck.

~ ~ ~

On the bus ride home that day, Seth has to check the morning's text from Kyler to be sure he really received such a thing, to be sure it wasn't something out of his imagination - and, sure enough, every time he checks, it's still there. Still real, as hard to believe as it is.

It looks like Nicki doesn't ride the bus in the afternoon; Seth sent a text his way a few minutes ago, saying who it was and asking the usual what's up. He hasn't yet received a response, and he looks out the window at the passing colors and figures. What a day today has been - he's found out more about himself and Kyler since art than he has in the past few weeks.

Kyler. How does his head work? How exactly do his thoughts get to be what they are? What is it that goes through his mind? He's indecipherable, he's confusing, he's infuriating, he's more than Seth has words for. How does he accomplish it? How can he care about me with such fervency one day and then treat me like less than shit literally the next? It hurts. Yes, I got angry and said some things to him I probably shouldn't have, but that was all because of him. Everything that's been happening is all because of him. I don't care what he says; I'm not the one with the problem - he is. If it took him no time at all to come to terms with his sexuality, as Nicki suggested, good for him. What he doesn't understand is that I'm not him. I need longer than a few days to get used to things. The things he said to me, though... I'm not sure we'll ever be as close as we used to be with that rift between us.

All this, and it's only been one day.

His phone vibrates in his paw, and he looks down; it's Nicki, responding to his text. "Cool! Text me your address when you get home so me and Rufe can come get you."

Mom won't get home from work for another two or three hours, and if we're just going to talk, I should be back by then... she doesn't have to know about this - especially not that I'm going to talk with a guy and his boyfriend about my own boyfriend. When she does, learn, though... oh, that's a day I dread.

...But why?

Yes, there's always the possibility she'll overreact and throw me out, but I doubt that. The worst she could do is... what?

The bus pulls to a stop, and he gets off. I'm sure she could think of something. And... what about Kyler' I'd assume his parents know, but I can never really be sure until I meet them... if that ever happens.

The silence of his house when he steps in and closes the door behind him is like when he gets a new video game - alien and unfamiliar at first, but he quickly gets used to it, quickly becomes comfortable. Such silence as this is a much-needed and welcome break from the ceaseless and stressful noise of today; Seth throws his backpack to the ground and slumps on the couch, closing his eyes. Finally, some time to himself, his thoughts, and nobody else... not for long, though. He remembers Nicki, and Rufe, and his phone in his pocket, and breathes out a sigh. I don't really like going places, but I never really have a problem once I'm there... besides, this is Nicki. It won't be that bad. And, plus, I'll get to meet that boyfriend of his.

The text takes less than a few seconds to type and send to the wolf, and he sits back on his couch when it's done. Maybe tonight, he thinks, I can conquer my returning insomnia and get to sleep on time.

Before he puts his phone away, he hovers on the inbox with his thumb over a key. It would be so easy to just send a quick text to Kyler, to talk to him just a little bit more... but what would he say? After today, why would he want to so much as look at that otter?

That otter, Seth reminds himself, is my boyfriend, and I want to make this work. I'm determined for it to work.

Now if only confidence was as easy in public as it was in private. Seriously? Fuck people.

The things Kyler said today, though... they were all completely out of line, and there's no denying that. He didn't have to be so rude about everything. He didn't have to respond to my apology with sadistic sarcasm. It was a side of him that Seth had never seen, and in all honesty, that frightens him. What else about Kyler does he not know? What was all that about cocksucking...?

Though, then again, I wasn't so civil in some of the things I said to him. What was all that Melissa said, about overpowering the mind? Love, lust, and anger? Today was certainly an anger day - and tomorrow probably will be too, as well as the next, and the next, and the next...

It's all on you, Seth. You're the only one who can change things.

Why is it so damn hard, then?

After a while of staring at his phone screen - even long after it goes dark - the doorbell rings, and he goes to answer it. Nicki's there, of course, and from behind him, a dark-furred cat waves timidly.

"Seth, this is Rufe." The wolf smiles and steps to the side. "Rufus, this is the one I was talking about."

Seth extends his paw and puts on a smile - yes, seeing Nicki has raised his spirits, but he's not quite there yet. "Nice to meet you. I'm Seth."

The cat takes his paw and gives it a light squeeze and shake; his grip is warm, laid-back... "Rufus. Nicki calls me Rufe, though, so... I don't really care."

Rufe is soft, shy, quiet, an almost drastic opposite of Nicki - this cat seems like the kind of person to talk to about Seth's current problem, based solely on what of his personality he has seen so far.

"So," says the cat, "tell me about yourself. What's going on in your life?"

"Eh." Seth shrugs. "Shit with my boyfriend. He won't be with me because I can't be open about our relationship. I found out I'm gay three weeks ago, and we've been dating for three weeks."

"And he's dumping you?" Nicki looks over as they walk. "Just because you're not yet ready to be open?"

"Well, not exactly. We haven't broken up." Seth sighs. "Not yet, at least. Again, he 'put our relationship on hold', as he said, because I'm not yet ready to be open." He huffs out an exasperated sigh and shakes his head. "It's ridiculous, but... I really want to be with him." Is that stupid of me?

Rufe walks beside him and gently pats his shoulder. "I know how that is. My first boyfriend was like that, too... we broke up, like, a month after we got together."

"That doesn't really make me feel much better." If it hurts like this to be kind-of together, what would it be like to be apart? Will I ever have to go through that? What if, at the end of this, I'm still not good enough for him?

"If it turns out you two don't work out - which, I'm not saying you won't," says Nicki, "you have to remember: if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Move on and be happy with someone else."

"It's hardly ever that easy, Nick." Rufe leans over and looks his boyfriend in the eye. "IF it's real, actual love, it's not going to be as simple as 'move on'."

"That's not what I meant - of course it'll take more than that. If you ever want to be happy again, though, you'll have to move on at some point in time."

Seth watches the lines in the sidewalk pass and keeps his paws shoved into his pockets. Love? This is a question of love? Me and Kyler... love? He likes me, I like him, he wants me, I want him... I've never really thought of it as more than that. We're boyfriends - that's it.

...That's it?

This is the real world. This is life. Kyler's told me that before. Shit gets real in high school - and, I'm almost out of high school. He wants me to be open because... why?

Oh my God.

If I'm not open when I'm with him, he knows I will be with someone else - sometime soon or far into the future. I'm wrong about all of this. He's not being pushy or selfish or any of that... he just wants to keep me his.

I've made a huge mistake. "Hey, uh..."

The wolf and cat both look at him.

Seth swallows and sighs. "When we get there, I... need to call someone." Call, not text.

Nicki nods and points to a house. "Right there. Who you have to talk to?"

"Kyler." Seth sighs again. "I have to try to make things right."

~ ~ ~

His heart has never beat harder than it does right now, while the sound of the phone dialing Kyler's number echoes in his ear. The tiger sits on the corner of Nicki's bed; a distance away is the couple, laying on the mattress, paws intertwined, silent.

"What?"

Oh, thank God, he picked up. We've made it this far. "Kyler, I just called to tell you something."

"Again, what? I have to go soon. Hurry up."

Seth swallows and glances over at Nicki; the wolf meets his eyes, but no more. "I'm... sorry. It's taken me longer than it should have to realize it, but... you've been wrong all along. I do need to be more open, and... I will. Tomorrow."

A soft sigh on the other end of the line; when the otter speaks this time, his voice is softer, calmer, more familiar. "...Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure. I know I've given you more shit than what it should be worth, but I'm glad you'll still talk to me, at least."

"Seth..." There it is. The old Kyler - my Kyler. "How can I believe you?"

"You have to. You just have to. I know that's not much to go by, but please... I miss you, Ky. I miss hugging you, I miss holding your paw, I miss kissing you... and the want for all those, for you, is more than enough to push me. As long as I can have you, as long as you'll be mine again, I don't care what anyone has to think or say about it."

"...Seth..."

"It'll be hard, but not as hard as it is to not have you."

"Seth, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Kyler..."

"Yes?"

Seth closes his eyes and clenches his free paw. "I love you."

The following silence stretches on for a million eternities in three seconds. And, then, softly: "I love you too, Seth."

Those short few words solve everything. The turmoil in the tiger's head is cleared; his heart slows and relaxes; he actually feels a smile warm his face. Everything's alright, he realizes. Everything's going to be alright. Everything is alright.

He loosely holds the now-silent phone and looks back at the worried faces of Nicki and Rufe, the faces of two people - two friends - he just met. He knows that these two will be closer to him than Toby ever was - and how does he know this? He can be open with them. They're two of three people he can be open with, but he's certain that list will grow and expand in time. Maybe, life is not as bad as what he first thought it to be. Maybe he was just looking at everything wrong.

How do I know I love Kyler? Seth gives a smile to his friends; they smile back, and Nicki pumps his fist into the air.

I know I love him because a single sentence from him can completely change my outlook on life. I know I love him because everything I've done these past few days was all to get him back. I know I love him because I can't be happy without him.

~ ~ ~

That's all there was to it. He spent another hour or so at Nicki's, trading stories with the couple, giving and receiving advice, and just simply talking; and on the walk home, he looked at the world in a new light. This is what it's like to be open - maybe not to the world, but at least to myself. I thought I was open before, but... I was far off. To be open is to be free - is this why Kyler's such a happy person? There's no more guilt, no more shame, no more fear, no more hate. Kyler loves me. That's all I've wanted.

I feel like I can sprint two miles right now.

The sky is grey and the air is moist and lukewarm. Half-empty treetops dance and sway in each occasional breeze, dropping a few more leaves and whispering among themselves. A car drives by and is gone down the street. Everything is soft, quiet, calm, and absolutely perfect.

It's like he had tilted his head forty-five degrees, like he flipped a puzzle piece, like he redid the equation from the start. Suddenly, everything made sense.

~ ~ ~

He awakens the next morning a good fifteen minutes before his alarm; at this time of morning, the sun still hangs just below the horizon, the dew still sits undisturbed on every other leaf and blade of grass - at this time of morning, it's still night.

He takes the extra time after getting ready to send a text: "You awake?"

At first, he somewhat doubts that the otter would reply - but, luckily, that doubt is quickly put to rest. "Yeah. Couldn't really sleep."

"I was having trouble too, but I got it eventually." The tiger thinks about what to put after that. "I miss you."

"I'm taking a real chance on you today, you know." His heart drops for a second - and then, in another message: "I miss you too. Don't doubt that."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

Seth sighs. "Why did you really do this?"

"We'll talk about it later, okay?"

And that was that. Nicki doesn't get on the bus that morning, but the tiger is too excited and anxious to pay it much mind. Why can't lunch be first period? Why does the school day have to be so long? I don't have art today. Why isn't Kyler in any of my other classes?

~ ~ ~

The sky opens up and it beings raining at some point during first or second period; Seth is only made aware of this when thunder booms during third while he's checking his phone for the time, as he had done three times in the past seven minutes. The teacher is talking about absolutely nothing, the clock ticks a thousand times before a minute has passed, and time couldn't possibly go any slower.

Eventually - finally - the bell rings and class is over. Seth picks up his things and pushes past the slower people, down to the orchestra hall. He feels his heart beat faster as he gets closer, and tries to calm himself - it's okay, I'll get to see Kyler, I'll be able to have my otter back.

These have been the longest two and a half days of my fucking life.

He pushes open one of the doors, which slowly closes behind him and then blocks out all outside sound. Nobody is playing any music today: there's only silence, interrupted by the rare snatch of quiet conversation from someone further down the hall.

The rain patters softly on the roof overhead. Seth slows his pace, quiets his steps, breathes in, breathes out...

...and, there he is.

Kyler. A completely and totally different person than who spat a few angry words at him in art yesterday. Today's regal aquamarine eyes hold a different light than the chilled olive-brown of yesterday; his ears are slightly down, as is his tail, and his gaze averted. "Seth."

"Hey there, cutie."

Those ears rise a bit. "So... what were you planning to do to prove you're not scared?"

Seth offers his paw. "We're going for a walk."

Kyler looks at it, then looks at the tiger's face, then looks back at the paw. "Where?" he asks, taking it.

Seth gives a squeeze and wills a smile to come; it does. "Oh, I dunno - around the school. Wherever we feel like going."

Kyler looks at him again. "With all those people around?"

"I'm proving to you that fear can be overcome - and I intend to go through with it."

Those first few steps. from their side-hall to the orchestra hall doors, are the hardest - he's venturing into unknown territory, going somewhere he's never gone before, and is unable to go back. This is what real life is like, he realizes. 'There are no saves to go back to' - Kyler had it figured out all along. I just didn't take his words to heart.

He feels Kyler's paw squeeze his as those doors close behind them; they step out into the main hallway, where the noise is more than any ear can bear, where one has to have no physical presence to get anywhere through the writhing mass of students, where everyone is in the same place at once. Seth's heart beats powerfully and he lets out a shuddering breath - I can't give up. I can't go back. I have to continue.

And he does.

He pushes through the innumerous people while keeping a tight grip on Kyler's paw - to keep the otter there, to prove his determination, to comfort himself. The school feels like it did on his first day as a freshman: an endless labyrinth of twisting and intersection passages, each infinitely strange, unfamiliar, frightening. Faces turn, eyes flick, voices hush; Kyler says something, but he's not sure what. He sees one person he recognizes, and then another, and another; they nod their heads, some point at the otter and raise an eyebrow, some smile and give him a thumbs-up.

Everything begins to clear up after that. The incessant roar of a thousand shouting voices returns to the gentle rumble of five or six low conversations; a few friends and teachers wave, and he waves back; his heartbeat returns to normal...

...and, at the end of it all, they are just another two people walking in the hallway.

~ ~ ~

Seth leans back on his bed and keeps the phone at his ear. "So..."

"So." Kyler chuckles softly. "You really surprised me today, kitten."

"I kinda surprised myself, too... it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." The tiger closes his eyes and brings up all the faces he saw, all the faces he had recognized. "I'm glad I went through with it, though. I was getting to the point where I'd do about anything to get you back."

"I was never really gone." Kyler sighs. "To be honest, it hurt me, too. Every chance I got, I'd check my phone in hopes of seeing something from you, just to know that you hadn't given up."

"And all the anger?"

"A façade. Motivation, I guess." Another sigh. "I did it all to keep you. I knew that if you remained closeted, you'd just feel worse and worse about your relationship and yourself... I know." He's quiet for a moment; the rain continues murmuring half-heard words on the roof. "I've been there.

"Aw, Ky..."

"Don't worry. It was a long time ago - I'm okay now. Don't worry."

"Kyler..."

"I'm proud of you, Seth."

The tiger forgets what he was going to say - the tone of Kyler's vice right there sends a shiver through his whole body. He licks his lips and swallows. "Can you come over tonight?" Mom's getting home late.

"Of course. I'll be right over."

"See you soon."

"See ya, cutie."

The gentle drumming of the rain as the only sound in the house creates a quiet, laid-back ambience; this is cuddle weather. It's darker outside than it should be at this time, and it's only bound to get darker.

So, what exactly happened today? I got my otter back. I got no schoolwork done. I showed the school who I really am. Yes, it took courage, more than I had - but Kyler gave me the rest of that courage I needed. Without him, I wouldn't have been able to do it - without him, I wouldn't have had to do it.

Without him, I wouldn't be happy now.

Seth looks back through his phone, back through old contacts, old exes, saved messages, saved pictures. He looks back through them and deletes them, one by one. No more of that. He doesn't need anyone else.

Me and Kyler?

I have a feeling we can get through anything.

For a while, the tiger will have the house to himself - and, then, he'll have it to him and his boyfriend. It's amazing, the ease with which that word now comes - boyfriend. Boy-friend. He mouths it to himself and smiles. As smooth and natural as any word ought to be.

He steps downstairs, goes into the living room. His gaming headset sleeps on top of the console, cold and neglected; it can stay that way for a while longer, he decides. I've got more important things to spend my time one.

But how will I tell Mom? What will happen if she gets home while Kyler's here? How much will I have to explain? Will Kyler get mad and make me come out to her...?

No, Seth. Kyler knows I just went through a lot - as did he. He's my boyfriend and he cares about me; he won't do that. Yes, there are hard parts of life, but they come and go - and I've been through more than enough for quite a while. I have a feeling that life is going to be smooth and easy for quite some time.

The doorbell rings; he feels his ears perk and goes over to answer it. Upon opening the door, a wet Kyler greets him with a giggly smile and bright eyes.

"Hey there, baby," says the otter, taking off his coat. "Love this weather. Reminds me of back home."

"Aren't you cold?" Seth takes his paw and leads him upstairs.

"No, no, not really - it's still fairly warm out there. It'll get colder later in the night, that's for sure, but... it's actually kinda cold in here."

Seth smiles and closes the door of his room behind him; his heartbeat is a little fast, but not at all like what he's used to. This time, each beat sends a soft shiver of sweet joy through his body.

Kyler turns to face him and takes his paws; he looks down at the white fur striped with black, gentle turquoise eyes taking in each detail. "Kitty, you're shivering... nervous? Or just cold, too?"

"I'm excited to see you, is all." The tiger squeezes Kyler's paws and smiles. "And, well, I could be cold..."

Kyler's sly smile sends another shiver down his spine. "There's a bed right over there... and I imagine there's room enough for the both of us/"

Things seem to go in slow motion as the otter steps over and pulls Seth after him, as he climbs in and pulls the covers over him, as he pats next to him and moves over to make room. Those eyes - oh God, those eyes... Seth lays down next to his boyfriend, never once taking his gaze from those beautiful eyes. "Ky..."

"Yes?" The otter brings his arms up Seth's back and pulls him close; Seth can feel the warmth from his body seeping into his own, can feel his nervousness melt away and be replaced by something else, something much, much better...

He swallows and lets out a soft sigh. "You... you mean so much to me. It hurt not to have you, and... and that made me realize I never want to have to be without you. I don't care what the world throws at me - I'll stay at your side throughout all of it, and -"

"Shh." Kyler puts a finger to the tiger's lips. "That's enough.

He moves his finger away, slowly - and his own lips take its place once, then again, and again, and again.

Seth closes his eyes and slips into bliss; Kyler pulls back and licks his lips, purring deep in his throat. "The rain got to my shirt... you mind if I take it off?"

"No," Seth breathes, watching the otter sit up, "not at all."

Kyler lifts it up over his head and sits back in front of Seth after, tossing it to the side. "Mm, that's better..." He stretches his arms over his head; his creamy off-white perfect chest catches and keeps Seth's eyes.

The tiger can't think straight right now - his brain just simply can't take this much. "I..." he murmurs, and swallows, "I think some got on your pants, too..."

"Oh, really?" Kyler moves up and sits on Seth's legs. "Well, I think I'll need some help getting those off..."

Oh dear God.

"Here, let me show you..."

He reaches out and takes one of Seth's paws, who watches in awe. The otter licks his lips and presses that paw against the front of his pants - there, Seth can feel a rich warmth and eager hardness, and looks up into those half-closed eyes.

"Go on. Don't be shy."

Seth hooks his thumb around the waistband and fumbles with the button before employing the use of his other paw - turns out, it's much harder to undo someone else's fly than your own. He gets it eventually, though, and pulls open the otter's pants; a tantalizing bulge waits behind tight-fitting underwear, and he finds the courage somewhere to trace his finger up that bulge. Oh God, this is amazing.

"Oh... let me get that for you."

Kyler slips off the bed and stands, back facing Seth, where his pants fall to the ground; he kicks them to the side, and - with a glance back at the tiger - hooks his thumbs in his underwear and slides that down, down, down his legs, bending over as he does, tail raised and uninhibited by any past restrictions... Seth takes the time while watching to pull off his own shirt and begin undoing his pants, when Kyler looks back at him.

"No need to worry about that." The now-nude otter climbs back onto the bed. "I'll get it - you helped me, so I'll help you..."

Seth lifts his hips as his zipper is pulled down; he can feel Kyler pressing into his leg, can feel each occasional breath wash out over his fur. "I don't..."

"- wear underwear?" The otter tugs his pants down and breathes out a puff of warm air over Seth's revealed erection. "I know." He licks his lips once more, then leans in, tongue extended, towards the base of his boyfriend's cock...

...and Seth lets out a long, deep moan. This is not his first time, no = but never before has he felt such bright, rich passion in one single movement... he has just enough control over his body to glance down into two charismatic gems of turquoise before his eyes drift shut once more.

Each of Kyler's movements, be it of his leg, his paw, or, oh God, his tongue, feels amplified a thousand times over, to the point where each little twitch sends another shock through his body. Kyler lets loose a warm breath over Seth's meat and drags his tongue up along his length again and again and again -

The otter lifts his head and slips up Seth's body, pressing his own hard cock into the patterned fur. "You like that, kitten?" he purrs, breath rustling the fur near his ears.

All Seth can do is nod.

Kyler rolls on top of him and presses himself against the tiger, then leans in and kisses him deeply. This is everything Seth had ever dreamt it to be and so, so much more - just the feeling of Kyler's full hard length pressed against his, this tantalizing new sensation of a warm sack on his own - and, better yet, how he can taste his own musk and pre on Kyler's tongue as it meets and intertwines with his. He gives voice to another moan and brings his arms up Kyler's back, pulling hm closer, closer, ever closer...

"You're mine," growls the otter after the kiss breaks, "to do what I want with... now - I want you to taste my cock."

Seth nods and watches him sit back; his reddish-pink meat rises from a sea of off-white in front of the tiger's nose.

"I want you to do what I did to you, but more."

He flops onto his stomach to get into a better position and leans in; the warmth is quickly palpable, having been pent up all day behind so-restricting clothing...

"I want you to do all you want to - I want you to sate that curiosity that I know burns inside you."

It's like one of the dreams he has had so, so many times before - but, this time, it's real, it's actual, it's happening. He knows by the feel of Kyler's sack in his paw when he reaches out and cups it, when he moves his fingers and massages the warm flesh. He knows it's real by the almost-imperceptible reactions of Kyler's body - the flick of his tail, the hitch in his voice, the catch in his breath, the momentary unfocused look in his eyes.

He brings his paw down on Seth's head and scritches behind his ear while pulling him closer. "I want you to thirst for more," he purrs. "I want you to want me."

Seth rubs his nose up against the otter's cock, just breathing, just taking in the scent - the aroma - and just getting used to everything; then, the hungry paw on the back of his head reminds him of just what it is he's nuzzling in to.

"Seth."

He moves his head up, tilts Kyler's cock towards his parted lips, slips his tongue out...

"I want you to make me cum."

He breathes in, and breathes out, and takes one lick over the pink tip; the salty tang of pre crawls up over the surface of his tongue, and he blinks, startled.

"Don't stop..." murmurs Kyler, with another push on his head. "Practice makes perfect."

Seth swallows down the taste and licks the tip again, then one side, then the other, then the underside - slowly at first, and then faster, faster as he grows to want to taste more, faster, faster, more, more... he wraps two of his fingers around the base and closes his lips around the tip, any past nervousness now just a half-believable thing of the past. This warmth, this rich taste between his lips and on his tongue, sliding in and filling more and more of his muzzle, consuming more and more of his mind...

Kyler's hips move in a slow wave, opposite to Seth's steady up-and-down bobbing; the tiger lets his eyes drift shut and works one paw under himself to stroke his own meat - a week ago, this was only a dream, a fantasy. Never did he think that such a thing could become true anytime soon! And yet, here he is now, Kyler's cock deep in his muzzle, pushing his own in and out of a tight-clenched paw - here he is now, living one of the greatest expressions of love.

A moan escapes the otter's lips, and his paw tightens on the back of Seth's head before pulling him off. "That's enough for now," he says, and licks his lips. "Turn around, get on your paws and knees, and raise your tail."

"What?"

"You heard me." Kyler sits back and runs his paw up and down his shaft, glistening with the tiger's saliva.

A blush burning on his cheeks, Seth pulls himself up, turns around, and does so; he looks back at his boyfriend. "You mean like this...?"

"Yes..." The otter positions himself behind him and rubs a thumb against his tailhole; he jumps and half-closes his eyes - oh, God, this feels so wrong but so good at the same time... "Just like that... now, hold still..."

Seth knows What's coming. He knows it and waits for it: he never really did enjoy squeezing himself into someone - maybe this will be better. Yes, he had thought about this before, but always pushed those thoughts away: it was somewhat embarrassing to think about, as he always found himself with an obvious bulge in his pants, and it seemed too much of a fantasy to actually happen. Also, he had never really thought himself to be the one to -

Oh God.

His thoughts turn to mud, and his breath catches in his throat. Kyler's paws on his hips pull him back while the otter sinks into him. Dear God, never before had he felt such a kind of pain - but, never before had pain felt so, so good! It's a new, odd feeling - it makes him breathe in unsteady gasps and moans - it makes him squeeze his eyes shut and clench his entire body - it makes him writhe and push back against Kyler, who responds by mirroring the movement and pushing further into him.

"You like that, mm?" Kyler bends over the tiger and drags his tongue over the white fur of his neck.

Seth nods and drools out another moan, sheets of his bed clenched in his tight fists.

"Good..." Kyler begins to pull out in preparation to push right back in. "I'll give you all that you want, and more. I'll make you empty yourself all over your bed, you'll see..."

The speed with which time passes seems, then, to fluctuate and bend - all that Seth knows behind closed eyes are the waves of motion, of pleasure sent through his body by the otter inside him, the lurch forward and back against the bed, forward and back, forward and back. He is vaguely aware of the increasing speed, vaguely aware of Kyler's moans and sighs, vaguely aware of the rain outside. All he is sure of is the hard meat sliding in and out of him and the hot, bright euphoria it brings, of his own and Kyler's rising force and urgency, of the steady moan seeping out through his parted lips -

• and Kyler slams into him and digs his claws into his skin, spewing burst after burst of thick cum into the tiger's deepest reaches - while Seth pants beneath him, his own cum already dripping further into the fabrics of the blankets.

Words don't come. Kyler bends over him once more and licks his neck, then gingerly slips out of him; Seth collapses on the bed with his own breathing heavy in his ears and hardly notices when the otter lays next to him and pulls him close.

~ ~ ~

Seth leans against the threshold of the front door and sighs. "You have to go so soon?"

"Hon, we fell asleep for three hours. My mom wants me home, and your mom could get back at any moment." Kyler pushes past the tiger and kisses his cheek.

"At least let me walk you to your car."

The rain hasn't let up. Kyler parked his car beneath a streetlight; beads of molten glass spatter the body of his car, popping and moving as more rain falls, stained yellow by the light above. The otter hurries toward it with his boyfriend close behind.

He turns when he gets there and smiles. "Today was nice," he says, taking his paw. "We should do it again sometime."

"We really should." Seth leans in and closes the space between their lips; Kyler's other paw comes up and caresses his cheek. Through his half-closed eyes, Seth sees a car drive by; he sees someone walk past; he sees a break in the clouds; he sees his mom's car pull up; and he closes his eyes.

"Bye, Seth," Kyler says, and smiles. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah." Seth opens the door for him; he hears his garage open. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The car door closes; the garage finishes opening, and then also closes; Kyler drives off.

Seth looks up at the sky and lets the rain drip down his face.