FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Chapter 1

He closed the door behind himself with relief, leaning against the wall to rest a moment. His breath began to normalize again thanks to the sweet warmth inside his home.

«Lewis, is it you?» asked someone from the living room.

«Yes... it's me.» he answered while taking off the jacket. Then he entered the living room just to find his mother stretched on the sofa, watching the TV.

«Hi. How did it go?»

A single moment was enough to kill the words in Lewis's mouth. Even if he had the intention to tell her about what happened, after that gaze upon her he had no more. Lewis felt like he couldn't be trusting his own family, no, not only his family, it would have been better to not tell anyone.

Who could even believe this?

«All fine...» he answered in the end, but he couldn't bear her presence any longer. «I'm just a little tired; I think I'll have a shower and then go to bed.»

«Alright then, good night.»

Lewis nodded his head, then he went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water. The moment he put it back on the table his body shivered, while his mind returned on those few moments before he blacked out.

He closed his eyes and saw again that powerful light, the void, and then the darkness. He couldn't withstand it for long, that was enough to make him feel dizzy. He was standing there, just about to fall. He couldn't believe nothing happened.

No, it cannot be an hallucination. It can't be just a dream, I passed out, it was real...

He took some time to pull himself together. He never felt so much fear before in his life.

That light and that darkness. he shacked his head, trying to forget about it, but he knew it wasn't going to be easy.

He continued thinking about it while he was showering, so many thoughts were consuming his mind. He let entire minutes pass by, doing nothing. Steaming water flowed on his back, almost burning his skin, but it was a relief.

When he finally got out of the shower the steam had blurred the window and the mirror over the sink, but the air was still cold enough to give him goose bumps. His messed up hair was dripping water all over his back but. He approached the mirror and then wiped the vapor off.

A shock made him shiver. He jumped back in fear, retracting his hand, staring at his own image.

For a moment he saw a flash in his own eyes, something strange, like it was not him. It lasted for just a second, an heartbeat, then it was gone.

What was that? he thought, struggling to keep himself calm. It can't... it was not an hallucination.

But it was all so real. He was gripping the edges of the sink with all his strength.

I am going insane? Is that what's happening? I'm losing my mind? There was only fear left. No, let's not get carried away. I'm tired, it's the truth, that's all. A night of rest will get things back into shape.

He stopped watching the mirror and began to dry himself off as fast as he could. When he got to bed his hair was still wet, but he didn't care. All he wanted was that day to end. He completely forgot about his time spent with his friends.

Fear had wiped everything else, and, before falling asleep, Lewis saw again that image beyond the mirror, that creature with red eyes.

In his dreams darkness began to grow.

When he woke up there was something strange, an oppressive feeling permeating the air in his bedroom. There was something with him, he could feel it, right around him, a creature crawling on the floor, hiding in every corner, in the dark.

It was like a perfume in the air, or a really soft noise, except he was not smelling it, nor hearing it, nor seeing it. It was something that goes beyond the normal feelings.

And what now? he said almost desperate, trying to find it. But how? It was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Only on one thing Lewis was sure, himself only could feel it.

Well, from bad to worst. Yesterday I blacked out in the middle of the street, then saw my own eyes change in color. And this morning I can feel the presence of something around me...

What comes next?

In fact he didn't feel very well, but he couldn't tell if it was real or just a trick of his brain. How could someone possibly avoid any possibility when facing all of that nonsense? It was like is entire world was going to hell, and it wasn't going to end anytime soon.

And now, what the hell do I do?

It may have looked like a stupid question, but he felt the real gravity of the situation. That was not a game, not his life anymore, everything was going to change.

He looked over the night table and took the mobile: it was nine and an half of Saturday. His parents were both at work but he was free for the entire day.

In front of him there was a choice, the choice to tell someone about what was happening to him, but still he didn't think it was a good idea. No one would have believed him.

But keeping the secret seems just as bad. In either case it may not go really well for me. At least I'm not panicking or something like that...

He stood up and dressed up. He wanted to go out, even if only to calm down and to distract himself. It looked like the best thing to do, in fact after breakfast he already felt a little better and that feeling of him was not so strong anymore.

He prepared to get out, took the mobile and his wallet. When he came out of the main door the morning air gave him shivers. He fixed the collar of his jacket to protect himself from the cold, looking along the street.

The sun lighted up the road; it was a great morning, but it was rare for good weather to last in Faeras.

Let's go then...

He started walking without even having any idea where to go. Maybe he could have gone to one of his friends, but he wasn't sure; he wasn't in the right mood to meet with someone. And he wasn't the kind of person who immediately asks for help whenever he's in a tight spot. It would have been better not to count on anyone.

He was confused, he never felt so lost before. He would have wanted to leave everything behind, to overcome the fear that he couldn't still explain.

That presence around him continued to follow him, it was something that infested every being, even himself. It was in his body, in every single bone and muscle, like a liquid in place of his blood. There was another heart beating alongside his.

It's inside me...

Realizing that gave him an headache. He felt a stab of pain in his stomach, enough to make him want to throw up.

He wasn't so far from home, but he felt like he couldn't make it to there. He would have fallen after a few steps, so he reached for the wall, leaning against it.

That monster is inside me...

It was it, he could not lie to himself. He felt it.

And now what?

To fear was added terror. Every last hope he had was slowly fading below the brutal strikes of truth. It was difficult for him to remain standing. That moment for the first time he felt the desire of giving up.

How could it possibly get better? It can't, but there are thousands of ways it could get worst. From what I've seen anything could happen, imaginable or not.

Something lightened his mind. If what he thought was true then there was a chance. He would have not gave up, but he needed some time to pull himself together, and he knew the perfect place for that.

He walked till the end of the road and found before him one of the largest park of Nethir. Of course it was not something amazing like the great gardens of the capital city of Gelr, on the shore of the eastern ocean, but it was still pretty cool.

Lewis got in from one of the main entrances and followed the gravel road.

The evergreen trees were all whitened by the snow, still in the silence inside the park. The snow muffled the noise of the city, that and the absence of anyone make that park a place detached from the world.

Lewis arrived at one of the plazas inside the park, a big open area surrounded by trees with many others roads spreading from it. In the middle there was a fountain but the water was completely frozen.

There were even some benches and Lewis sat on one of them, even though the metal was icy cold. It was a pleasure to sit for a second and relax the muscles, releasing the tension accumulated before, but it was not for long.

Another stab of pain hit him, beginning from the legs and extending to the entire body. He almost cried out in pain while falling on the ground, his head was exploding, his body shaken like hit by a lightning.

He was face on the snow, his hand clawing the ground. The time slowly passed by while he was unable to control himself, then, minute after minute, the pain faded. Only then he was able to get his face of the ground.

«What is happening to me?» he said, his hand holding his head. He was almost going to cry.

If before he was able to ignore that feeling, now it was stronger than ever. He could feel that creature inside him, but this time there was something more.

Is this darkness that permeate everything...

He was alone in pure darkness, nothing else was there but an endless void. That was the true nature of his monster, that only he could see and see through.

It's consuming me like a disease.

He remembered about the eyes he saw in the mirror.

It was my creature... He's winning against my body, little by little he's defeating me...

In that moment he understood everything. No more lies, no more hope. There was nothing to do. He was a fool to act like that, now it was clear. Now the problem was the same, what to do? This time he was sure.

I cannot continue alone... If these attacks continue to worsen, and they will do, then I will not say anymore it was the right choice not to say anything.

He needed to explain everything to someone as soon as possible, no matter how difficult that would have been. He had no other choice.

He took a deep breath, then he sat again on the bench. He took the mobile searching for a number on his contact list.

After a few second someone answered, a friend of him.

«Hello?»

«Hi, Matt, it's Lewis. Would you mind if pass by?» he asked without wasting time.

«Ok... when?» he answered, taken by surprise.

«In twenty minutes, I'm already on the way.»

«Well... fine, I'm waiting for you.» he was a little suspicious about that. Maybe he understood there was something wrong, but he couldn't imagine the gravity of the situation.

«See you, then...»

He returned to his steps until he got out of the park, from there he needed to walk another quarter of an hour. He's only hope was not to get stabbed by pain again.

While walking Lewis began to question his courage, he didn't want to go forth, but going back was even harder. When he finally arrived in front of Matt's doorstep he just wanted to run away, but he couldn't.

His friend opened the door, welcomed him and let him in. It wasn't the first time Lewis went there, so he proceeded to the living room and took his jacket off. It was so warm he was almost suffocating.

Matt followed him and sat on the couch, then he watched him worried and asked:

«Are you ok, Lewis? You look terrible.»

Yes, it must be true. he thought trying to visualize his own face: the one of a man hiding a monster inside.

Lewis was about to answer Matt, about to say that he wasn't feeling good at all, that he feel something strange in his body and around himself. But the moment he watched his friend he felt the creature in his heart roaring stronger. It was going to attack again soon.

He was in a cold sweat, he felt the pain coming. He had to go away, now.

«Yes, yes, I'm fine. It's just... I need to go to the bathroom for a moment...» he said, then, without waiting for an answer, he ran away.

Just in time. A moment after he closed the door he was stricken with pain. This time he didn't fall on the floor, but only because he grasped onto the sink. The pain was even stronger than before, but Lewis focused all his strength to control himself, to prevent any sound to leave his mouth.

He suffered in silence to not give Matt any clues about what was happening to him. He didn't know why he changed his mind, he didn't trust his friend anymore.

He was out of breath, watching himself in the mirror.

There is it... watching his monster answering his glance. I'm losing control of myself.

His eyes were bright red, surrounded by many shades. They were not cruel though, or merciless, they were desperate. It was shocking at first, but after a while it was just sad. There was something human in those eyes, but he wasn't human anymore.

Slowly that image faded to normality while pain decreased.

I'm becoming a monster, Lewis won't be alive for long.

There was no more choice, nothing remained.

I'm lost.

When he got out of the bathroom he wasn't prepared to face his friend. He couldn't answer his questions, the only thing he could do was to find an excuse to go away.

«Are you sure it's everything okay?» asked Matt. He was even more worried than before.

«Yeah... everything's fine... I haven't sleep well this night.» he said, but he wasn't very convincing. «I'm sorry, I thought about stay here a little longer, but now I must really go.»

Matt wasn't sure at all, but he didn't want to insist. He knew that Lewis wasn't the kind of person that explains everything that came to his mind; surely there was a right reason for him to behave like this.

«Well, see you then...»

«Sure...» he whispered.

The moment he turned his back to his friend something inside him began to scream to not go away. He was hoping in the impossible.

Please Matt, stop me...

But it was too late, he was already outside, the door closed behind him. There was no one to ask for help, he was alone. In just a few hours he saw so many doors closing on him, now only one way remained, the one Lewis always hoped not to take.

He swallowed all his regrets and all the fear that paralyzed him. He took his decision.

Now it's just me and my monster.

While he watched the view moving outside the window he thought about how far away he got. He was far from home, and he was going even farther.

The bus was taking him out of town, to the north, driving along a road of trees covered with snow. The forest of Arka.

Lewis remembered when his parents brought him there, many years ago. It was summer at the time, there wasn't any snow, but it was still cold. They walked a lot in the part of the park that was open to public, near to the city. He remembered those trees so tall they prevented to see the sky, and a carpet of leaves and sticks that covered the ground. Those were happy days, not like today.

Today it was different, there were gray clouds darkening the sky, the shadows of the trees began to lengthen. The sun would have set in a few hours, a storm was going to strike during the night. Lewis didn't know what time it was, but he didn't care; in that situation time was only an enemy.

His goal was far away, but he wasn't even sure to have one.

When he got out his friend home he began to wander, until he decided on the direction. With the subway he reached the northern train station of Nethir, where he stopped to eat. Then he took a bus that went back and forth from the cities on the coast of the western sea.

If he wanted to be safe though, then he'd had to go even far north. The forest of Arka covered hundreds and hundreds of kilometers of land: from the city of Nethir towards the wasted ice lands of the north and from the shores of the sea west to the mountain chain of Narsa to the east. It was an area so huge that no one would have ever found him.

There was loneliness up there, he could have stayed hidden. Beyond the strait on the arctic sea, after the last city, in those uninhabited lands, if he hadn't the strength to contain his monster then that was the right place. There was nothing to destroy, no one to hurt, his beast wouldn't have caused any problem.

Two hours were passed from when he got on the bus and he already began to feel the pain of an animal scratching his inside. Lewis was praying for it to stop while concealing anyway possible what he truly felt.

There were four persons on the bus beside himself, he didn't want to draw the attention.

Minutes passed slowly in that suffering, to resist he focused on the darkness itself. It was a presence so strong that he actually was able to hold onto himself. But with the pain withering away he realized something terrible.

I won't make it, I won't arrive at the end of this journey.

It was like an ice bucket right in the face, after all was happened that day it seem that there was something more. He realized that he couldn't make it to the end, his creature would have taken him earlier. He couldn't have stayed any longer on the bus, his secret was to be revealed.

Without thinking a second he pressed the buzzer. It didn't matter where he was, only to escape. Lewis spent the little time remaining before getting off the bus really worried, but he finally was free when he saw a small parking lot on the side of the road right in front a couple of wooden cottages.

There were not houses, but one of the entrances to the park. Lewis was never there before, it was too far away from the city, but fate brought him there, and there was something telling him that it was not a bad route to take.

When the automatic doors opened before him the cold air revived his body, then he get off the bus and after a few moments he was alone, on the wayside many kilometers from home, with a monster inside.

In the parking lot there was not a single car, probably because of the weather. Better like this, with no one around.

Lewis went forth to the entrance, the gate was opened and he thought about sneaking inside without being seen by anyone, but after a couple of meters a voice called him from behind.

«Ehy, you, where are you going?»

Lewis stopped mid sentence, his heart beating like crazy, then he turned around. A door was open on the cottage on the left, and standing on the doorstep there was a guard, watching Lewis as he was investigating him.

Lewis was about to lie, but it wasn't necessary.

«The park close at 18:00. Be back for that time.» he said, then returned on the inside and closed the door.

Lewis was still watching, surprised by that. He was waiting for the guard to return, or a figure watching him from the window on the side, but nothing happened. Then he answered, whispering:

«I'm not going back...» and he ventured into the forest following a dirt road.

No more plans to follow, nothing to do but escape.

He got up from the ground, with a taste of bile in the mouth and his legs shaking. He vomited that last time, collapsing on the ground with convulsions. And there it go his last meal.

Why? Why can't it stop soon?

The pain has not going away, it remained after the last time, a constant presence like his creature. Together they reminded him every moment about his state, slowed down his steps; they didn't stop, only grew stronger and stronger, with every attack they destroyed every last hope he had.

He himself didn't knew how he was able to go on, how could he get up after every attack despite the pain. Sooner or later he wouldn't have got any strength left.

The sun set hours before, disappeared behind the trees. The road he was following went deeper and deeper in the forest. He remembered there was a map of all the roads at the entrance, but he saw that for just a second and forget the details soon.

He continued to go north, that what's matter. Sooner or later he would have arrived somewhere, but more important, his true escape was going to begin.

By now they will be searching for me, I'm really close to the end then.

Forced to escape and now hunted. He didn't feel any different from an animal. He was behaving like one, he had his fear and desperation, there was little left to make him human, his beast had killed everything inside him.

Another shiver down the spine, maybe only because it was really cold, maybe because of what he was thinking.

In fact he had thought it was going to be worse than that, because of how dark it could have been in a forest at night. But the light of the Maelstrom seeped through the clouds and the leaves and lightened the path.

After a turn he began to hear the thunderous noise of a river, then the trees thin out. For the first time he entered the park he was able to see clearly the sky and the majesty of the eye of the goddess, filling half of the sky.

The sound of the river covered any other. It was right in front of him, cutting through the forest from west to east. Fortunately there was a bridge, and the sign at the beginning of it said that was the river Colwak.

Here everything begins.

The gray waters were moving with torment, dragging anything they found on their way with the rumble of a mountain river, a restless river of fire.

Lewis began to cross over the bridge knowing that, once on the other side, he would have been free and nothing of him was to remain. At every step he felt the darkness grow.

He walked to the side of the bridge, near the parapet, watching the current dragging itself downstream, and the sky declaring storm over men.

He was almost to the middle of the bridge when darkness fall over him. In a few seconds he found himself destroyed by pain, the monster growing even stronger. This time he couldn't have won, he couldn't have withstand any longer. He lost his battle, that moment Lewis ceased to exist and another creature came to life.

«You! Stop! Stay right where you are!» somebody shouted at him from the end of the bridge.

Lewis was terrorized, his worst fears were becoming true.

Two men were at the end, pointing flashlights at him. They were coming for him, fast. One was talking in a radio, probably to advise the others they found him.

No! they can't take me! if they did it would have been the end for him.

He looked for an escape route behind himself, but the bridge was long, and he was too tired and aching with pain. He was already feeling his body changing, running away was not an option.

He looked to the only way possible. The guards began to run, but they were too far.

He already accepted it, Lewis was no more.

He gathered his last strength and stand on his feet, leaning forward.

He closed his eyes.

The he fell in the stream.