Deer Diary by Cederwyn Whitefurr

Deer Diary

Cederwyn Whitefurr, Anal, Anal Knotting, Anthropomorphic, Buck, Deer, Emotional, Fantasy, Fiction, First Time, Friendship, Furry, Gray Wolf, Grey wolf, Knot, Knotting, M/M, NSFW, Oral Knotting, Orgasm, Penetration, Stag, Story, Virgin, smut

Will one night of pleasure, an exploration of boundaries and desire - ruin a friendship forever?

Deer Diary

Chapter One

11th September, 2024

Outside, the storm was relentless. Rain pelted the window in sheets, drumming against the glass as thunder rumbled constantly, like the echo of the ache deep in Rowan's chest. He sat near the window on a worn armchair, his back hunched slightly, legs drawn in just enough to rest his leather-bound journal on his lap. His large, expressive eyes stared out at the storm, but the young fallow buck's mind was elsewhere, lost in the silence that had followed that night with his best friend, the grey wolf, Ash.

A tear slipped down his cheek, then another. He didn't bother wiping them away. They fell softly onto his fur, his chest tightening with each shallow, quivering breath. It had been months since they'd spoken – months since everything had changed – the weight of it all still felt as raw as ever.

His fingers trembled as he turned back to his journal. The leather-bound cover felt heavy, the pages inside stained with confessions, regrets, and emotions too painful for the young buck to give voice to. Tonight – was no different. His three-fingered paw, picked up his quill, his hooflets clattering against the inkwell as he sniffled. His fingers began to write, the ink smudging slightly where his fingers lingered too long, hesitant to write the words.

Slowly, painfully, he began to write again. Though his hand shook, the words spilled onto the page, dragging memories with them.

Deer Diary, entry – unknown. Did you ever make a mistake? Something you did, in the moment, that had lasting and terrible consequences? Did you ever make a mistake you wish you could take back?

He paused, the quill poised above the page as another tear slipped from his eyes, his throat tightening.

I did...

Outside, the wind howled and a sharp crack of thunder followed. Lightning lit the room for a moment, casting shadows across his pale coat, the flicker of candlelight barely holding against the storm's intensity.

His heart ached. That single touch from Ash – meant to be nothing more than a friendly gesture – was enough to make his pulse quicken, even now. His paw shook again, driven by a will not his own. Rowan blinked back fresh tears, watching as the words blurred on the page.

It was with Ash. My best friend. One night... one moment, and now...

Rowan choked back the sob trying to escape him, shutting his eyes tightly as the rain intensified. Outside, the world blurred, but inside, the silence was louder than the storm. He could still feel the absence, still hear the unspoken words that followed their parting.

He let his paw fall limply to the side, the quill dropping softly onto the journal's open page, leaving a blot of ink. His heart felt too heavy, and for a long while, Rowan just sat here, staring at the blank spaces between the words, before he sniffled and slammed shut the journal with a snap.

Outside, the sound of the rain was all that was left, save for the unsteady rhythm of his breathing.

It was with Ash. My best friend. One night... one moment, and now...

Rowan's hand dropped to his lap, fingers curling weakly as the memory pulled him back – back to that night, that night... under the stars.

The crackling of the campfire had been the only sound, save for the occasional rustling of the leaves. He and Ash had spent the day hiking, sharing each other's company and love for the outdoors and nature. Now, their bellies full after a lovely campfire-cooked meal, they had been talking for hours, the way they always did when they were alone, the world reduced to just the two of them. The firelight flickered, casting soft shadows on Ash's grey fur, making him look more rugged, more... vulnerable.

“Whew, I'm getting hot – “ Ash grunted, as he tugged off his shirt and draped it over the log on which they sat, wiping a forearm over his forehead and panting.

Rowan merely flicked an ear, an annoying mosquito trying to land on them. His mind was filled with warmth, love and contentment, in nature, with his best friend – a friend even now – he'd never imagined he'd ever have.

A wolf and a deer, predator and prey – best friends for years, who'd have ever thought... Rowan's body suddenly tensed in nervousness, his thoughts splintering as he felt something he'd never imagined.

That's when it happened.

Ash's paw landed on Rowan's furred thigh. Casual. Friendly. It was nothing. Except, for Rowan, it was everything.

A sharp exhale escaped his lips, and he quickly turned his gaze away, heat rushing into his face. He could feel his pulse quickening, the warmth spreading through his chest. But he couldn't – he shouldn't –

Ash's voice had softened, curious and slightly concerned. “Rowan? You alright?"

Rowan hadn't been able to answer, his breath catching in his throat. He'd shifted uncomfortably, his body betraying him, the flush of desire... unmistakable.

He could feel Ash's eyes on him, studying him with a quiet curiosity, and then... Ash's paw lingered.

Rowan's heart pounded in his chest, a mixture of fear and longing. He'd turned back slowly, meeting Ash's gaze, the uncertainty clear in his friend's eyes. Yet, there had been something else too – something unspoken.

For a moment, neither of them moved.

Then, Rowan had leaned in, just slightly, testing the waters. Their noses brushed together. He'd felt Ash stiffen beside him, his breath catching, but the wolf didn't pull away. Instead, his paw trembled, sliding still further up Rowan's thigh, the touch deliberate. Curious.

Everything had changed in that moment. A single touch. A flicker of shared breath. Then, beneath the starlit sky, Rowan rolled the dice. Their lips met – tentatively at first, Rowan tilting his head over, awkward and uncertain, expecting Ash to pull away, even to grow angry... instead, the wolf did the opposite... Their first kiss was awkward and uncertain, but growing bolder with each passing moment.

Nervously, Ash's paw slid further, his leathery paw pads tentatively caressing and touching – exploring – feeling the slight firmness within the buck's shorts. Rowan's ears flattened, his paws finding their way to Ash's shoulders, pulling him closer, feeling the firmness of his body against his own. Ash responded, one paw sliding down to Rowan's waist, drawing him into a deeper embrace.

The world beyond the campfire had faded into the background. There was only the warmth of the fire, the building rhythm of their breathing, and the growing arousal and need between them. Their kisses become more fervent, each touch exploring new sensations, each whisper of panting breath more urgent.

Rowan's heart had raced as Ash's paw ventured into the shorts, caressing, soothing, exploring. His other paw slid upwards, exploring the soft fur beneath the deer's shirt. The touches were tentative, nervous yet filled with curiosity, each one sending waves of pleasure through Rowan. He guided the nervous Ash's movements gently, helping him navigate this new terrain. Ash had seemed nervous but eager, his trust evident in Rowan as he followed his lead.

Every touch, every caress, a blend of passion and tenderness, a discovery by Ash of Rowan's body, as Rowan gently pushed him down to his knees, then carefully rested Ash's back against the log. Ash was hesitant, confused and unsettled – but Rowan's gentle guidance helped him embrace the new sensations, and together, they began to explore the new boundaries of their growing connection.

“I've never - “ Ash began, but a gentle placement of Rowan's three fingers on his muzzle, silenced the quivering wolf.

Rowan looked up, raising his eyebrows, as he smiled and leaned forward, once more kissing and caressing, before he leaned even closer and gently brushed his lips against Ash's ear. “Do you trust me?"

Ash quivered before he uttered a low whimper – nodding twice. “I do..."

Rowan smiled, his fingers tracing down Ash's taught muscular chest, and his abdomen, then sliding into the waistband of the shorts. “Then trust me now..."

Rowan carefully slipped Ash's shorts down his thighs, gently guiding them over his ankles and placing them thoughtfully with the discarded shirt. Kneeling before Ash, he tenderly caressed then licked at the wolf's ankles, his supple tongue leaving a glistening trail of saliva through the thick fur. Every movement was deliberate, every touch infused with a mix of tenderness and desire.

Rowan's gaze remained fixed on Ash, his eyes reflecting a blend of affection and anticipation. He inhaled deeply, savouring the unique scent of the wolf, letting every sense focus solely on Ash's pleasure and reaction. The quiet intensity of the moment was palpable, as Rowan's attentive touch aimed to evoke a deep, satisfying response from his partner.

By the time Rowan reached Ash's thighs, the response was unmistakable, and the scent filled Rowan's nostrils with an intoxicating blend of musk and heat.

Ash let out a soft whine, his cheeks flushing with a mix of embarrassment and pleasure. He reached down with one paw, gently holding his sheath and caressing it, the tip of his penis shyly sliding through the slit. His other paw tenderly patted Rowan's head, a gesture of both reassurance and appreciation.

“Your tongue... it's incredible," Ash murmured, his voice trembling slightly. The intensity of the sensation was evident in his reaction, each touch and caress exposing more and more of his penile length, the ache in his groin only adding to the unimagined pleasure.

Rowan snickered softly, his breath creating a gentle breeze against Ash's fur as he nestled his muzzle against the wolf's most sensitive area. He swished his head carefully from side to side, the furred testicles balanced on the bridge of his muzzle. Each movement, each motion, designed to further stimulate and arouse Ash.

“I've never... you know..." Ash's voice quivered, a low whimper escaping his muzzle as he looked away, his nerves and embarrassment evident. “Never with a man... or a woman..."

Rowan paused, his eyes widening softly in surprise. A gentle smile curled at the edges of his lips as he processed Ash's confession.

My wolf is a virgin? Rowan thought, a wave of warmth and tenderness filling him. He wants to share this moment with me – his first time, a precious and unforgettable gift...

Rowan took a deep breath, his gaze was soft and reassuring as he looked up at Ash. The wolf's nerves were on edge, his breaths shallow and uneven. Rowan's touch was gentle, his paws warm against Ash's fur, as he guided the wolf to lean back comfortably against the log.

“I'm here for you," Rowan murmured, his voice soothing. “Just relax and let me take care of you – and it..."

With that, Rowan slowly lowered his head, his movements delicate, his touch tender and careful. He began by placing soft, teasing kisses along the inner thighs, his lips brushing gently against Ash's sensitive skin. Each touch was intended to comfort and prepare Ash, ensuring he felt respected and cherished.

Rowan's tongue followed, moving in slow, deliberate strokes. He carefully explored Ash's sheath, using the webbing between the thumb and middle finger to delicately pull it back – Ash gasping as the full length of his penis was exposed, the knot quickly forming near the base.

Rowan took a few deep breaths, licking his lips before he kissed his way from the base of the knot to the tip, his tongue ever so tenderly tickling the hyper-sensitive penile tip. Ash's initial hesitance gradually melted away, as Rowan's skilled tongue conveyed his dedication to making this experience one neither would forget.

When Rowan finally took Ash into his mouth, he did so with a careful, measured approach. He began with light, exploratory movements – his tongue pressed beneath it, as his eyes gauged Ash's reactions. Rowan was skilled, gifted even, but even he struggled to fully take the slick, hard length into his muzzle.

Ash's whimpers and gasps were met with Rowan's attentive care. Each sound, each twitch of Ash's body was a cue for Rowan to adjust, to angle his head or just to enhance the experience. His lips brushed against the knot, then formed a tight seal as he slurped his way back up, his cheeks hollowing as he did so, to once again flicker his tongue over the tip.

Ash's body trembled, his whines louder and body trembling, as Rowan smirked and worked his way back down – finding a comfortable rhythm he could settle into as he skilfully orally pleasured the grey wolf.

His back warmed by the fire, Rowan's muzzle rose and fell, the slurping sounds making Ash whine and squirm, gripping Rowan's ears tight – not that Rowan minded. How long, Rowan worked Ash, he did not know, easing himself ever closer – his hot breath tickling the belly fur of the wolf, who began to groan and pant heavily.

Be careful young one, Rowan's conscience warned him. He is a wolf, as such...

Suddenly, Rowan felt Ash's knot forcing his jaws wide, the intensity of the moment taking him by surprise. The knot pressed firmly, and Rowan's throat was filled with the hot, pulsing ejaculate. It was an intense experience, bordering on overwhelming, but Rowan managed to swallow the sticky, surprisingly sweet offering, his throat muscles rippling with the effort.

Rowan continued to pleasure Ash with care and attention, savouring the intimate moment they had shared, even though his jaws ached. The knot began to swell even more, Rowan's eyes beginning to water, his muzzle stretched uncomfortably tight. Carefully, Rowan pushed his head down, the knot finding a more comfortable position. Rowan twitched, helpless, knowing it'd be some time before he could lift his head, so he closed his eyes and began to use his tongue to great effect.

Their shared moment had been intense, with Ash's body trembling and his breathing coming in ragged gasps. Rowan waited for a few moments, moments that stretched into time Rowan had little concept of passing. They were locked together, Rowan's short, awkward breaths ruffling Ash's belly fur.

Ten minutes? An hour? Rowan didn't know – until, finally, as the pulse of the knot subsided slightly, Rowan tentatively lifted his head. He moved cautiously, mindful of the still-modestly firm knot inside his muzzle. Rowan's lips and tongue worked delicately, saliva slicking the knot, to ease it out, making sure to avoid any sudden movements that'd cause the wolf distress or even pain. He kept his eyes on Ash, although the Wolf's head was titled back, his breathing ragged and panting.

Rowan took his time, carefully puckering his lips as he lifted his head, guiding the firm length out and letting it slip delicately back against Ash's belly. With that final moment, Rowan's muzzle was freed, leaving Ash to catch his breath and the two friends to bask in the afterglow of their shared moment together.

Their campfire had dwindled to a soft glow of ash and embers, casting a warm, flickering light over the two figures, who snuggled close, Rowan tenderly caressing aimless patterns in Ash's chest fur. Rowan, his fur damp from the aftermath of the intimate moment, gently stroked, smelling Ash's like-wise slick fur. The heat of their shared warmth provided a comfort and a closeness, that words could scarcely capture.

Ash's breathing had finally slowed, a deep, contented sigh escaping him every now and again. Rowan's presence was soothing, a gentle reminder of what they'd explored together. The wolf's paws tenderly caressed and stroked Rowan's ears, his touch tender and affectionate.

Rowan could feel Ash's body relax further with each stroke of his hand, and he whispered soft reassurances, his voice hushed and soothing. “Ash, you did beautifully," Rowan murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of the wolf's head. “You're safe here, with me – if there's anything you'd like, anything at all..."

Ash responded with a low, appreciative growl, nuzzling closer to Rowan's warm body. The world outside their camp was a distant memory, reduced to the comforting sounds of their breathing and the crackle and pop of the remaining embers.

After a time, Ash shifted slightly, lifting his head to look into Rowan's wide, expressionate eyes. There was a vulnerability in his gaze, mixed with a newfound resolve. “Rowan," Ash began, his voice timid, yet filled with curiosity and earnestness. “There's... something I would like to ask of you."

Rowan looked at Ash with a gentle smile, his eyes reflecting his own warmth and curiosity. “Of course Ash. What is troubling you so?"

Ash's cheeks flushed slightly, his nervousness evident as he took a quivering breath. “I would like... to know, what it is like. What it is like to make love with a deer? I've never done anything like this before. You've helped me explore so much already. I'd like... for you to be my first, to guide me through this, to help me explore these... feelings."

Rowan's heart swelled at the request, touched by the trust and openness in Ash's words. He reached out, gently cupping Ash's chin in his paws. “You don't have to ask twice, Ash. I'm honoured that you'd want to share this with me."

Ash's eyes adopted a nervous, almost frightened look. “I just... I want to experience everything with you. You've shown me so much kindness, and I trust you more than anyone. I've never made love... I don't even..."

Tenderly, Rowan placed his three-fingered paw on Ash's lips, once more quietening him, as he gazed deeply into the obviously nervous wolf's eyes. “Then we shall explore this together. I'll be here every step of the way, guiding you and making sure you're comfortable. We'll take it slow and make it an experience you'll cherish, I promise."

Rowan gently guided Ash onto his back, his touch tender and reassuring. He positioned himself carefully, ensuring every movement was careful and deliberate, attuned to Ash's nerves and desires. The bond they shared was one forged this night in friendship and trust, and Rowan wanted to keep it that way.

“I just don't..." Ash's nerves began to fray, his voice trembling with uncertainty.

“Shhh," Rowan reassured him, positioning himself so his rump pressed against Ash's furred sheath. “I know what I'm doing. Just let yourself relax. It's alright."

Whether it was Rowan's soothing words or the way he sensuously moved, it didn't take much for Ash to quickly regain his arousal. Rowan angled himself carefully, smiling down at Ash, making sure his position was just right. The wolf's sensitive penile tip brushed against Rowan's fluttering, teardrop-like tail, creating a sensual and delicious friction.

“Mmm, that's it – “ Rowan murmured, easing himself back, feeling the first warmth as Ash began to mount him. Rowan rocked back and forth, his paws resting gently on Ash's chest as he shuddered and adjusted his angle, allowing the wolf to slide deeper and deeper until Rowan felt the firm knot press hard against the underside of his tail.

“No... you... you can't..." Ash whined, his eyes wide with fear. “It'll hurt you..."

Rowan leaned forward, the tight knot pressing uncomfortably against his sphincter. He placed his paws gently on either side of Ash's head and brushed his nose with the wolf's. “I know," Rowan murmured, his voice soothing and stead. “It's not my first... time." He then pressed his lips to Ash's, silencing any further concerns with a tender kiss.

Ash's eyes widened as he felt the pressure and tightness intensify. With a sudden, merciful pop, his knot, lubricated by the pre-ejaculate that had already accumulated, slipped inside Rowan's body. Rowan's sudden exhalation puffed out Ash's cheeks as the deer shuddered, arching his back inward and panting heavily. The knot swiftly tied them together, creating a deep, sensual connection between buck and wolf.

Rowan's breath came in short, ragged bursts, as he adjusted to the fullness of Ash's knot. The initial discomfort was sharp but fleeting, overshadowed by his determination to make this moment unforgettable for the young wolf beneath him. He tried his best to mask his discomfort, focusing instead on the pleasure he could give to Ash.

Ash's large, muscular frame was beneath Rowan, the warmth of the wolf's body a stark contrast to the cool night air. Rowan could feel every powerful pulse of the wolf's heartbeat through the connection of their bodies – and the even stronger pulse, as more and more pre-ejaculate spurted inside Rowan. Despite the awkwardness, Rowan moved gently with practised grace, his own instincts guiding him through the unnatural lovemaking.

With a gentle, encouraging movement, Rowan angled his hips and slid Ash even deeper inside him, his muscles tightening and relaxing in a sensual dance of arousal. He shifted ever so slightly, adjusting his position to accommodate the wolf's impressive length and girth – the knot alone felt like a baseball inside of him, whilst maintaining a steady, rhythmic rocking. His paws rested on Ash's shoulders, providing him balance and support, his touch both firm and reassuring.

Ash's whimpers of pleasure grew louder, mingling with Rowan's own quiet gasps as they moved together. The wolf's thrusts were slow and deliberate, a stark contrast to his earlier hesitance. Rowan's soft, encouraging murmurs and the gentle caress of his touch helped guide Ash's movements, each motion carefully measured to maximise each other's comfort and pleasure.

Rowan felt the ache, that intolerable ache, deep in his rump. It was present, persistent – but manageable. He took deep breaths, his focus entirely on the wolf beneath him, his eyes never leaving Ash's face. He could see the raw emotion in Ash's eyes, the joy and awe of experiencing something so new and profound.

Ash's thrusts slowly grew more confidant, Rowan matching his pace, each bringing Ash closer and closer to the peak of their shared connection. The air around them was filled with the sound of their mingled breaths, and soon, the slap of fur against fur. Rowan's back arched a gentle curve that mirrored the deep, steady thrusts of Ash's hips. He encouraged the wolf with whispered affirmations and praise, his voice steady and soothing.

Finally, as Ash reached the crescendo of their lovemaking, Rowan's focus was entirely on Ash's pleasure, his own discomfort and desires all but forgotten in the wake of the wolf's intense, powerful climax. Rowan gasped, as it was more intense, powerful and forceful than the first. He panted and moaned, trying to guide Ash through the final moments with paws that quivered and a heart that thundered in his chest. He was adamant that he'd make this encounter as thrilling and memorable as it could be for his beloved friend.

When it was over, Rowan lay shivering softly, the warmth of Ash's body a soothing presence against him. After what felt like an eternity, the knot slowly began to soften, and Rowan carefully manoeuvred himself, rolling into his side while keeping his rump pressed against Ash's. The wolf followed their bodies still intimately connected.

Unexpectedly, Ash's furred fingers traced a gentle path along Rowan's sheath, starting a sensual, playful caress that sent shivers through the deer. Rowan's breath caught in his throat, a gasp escaping his lips as the wolf's touch ignited a new wave of pleasure. Ash's soft growl vibrated against the back of Rowan's neck, adding to the tantalising sensation.

Rowan's hips involuntarily convulsed, a mix of surprise and delight in his reaction. His climax, previously suppressed, surged forth with powerful intensity. Thick, viscous bursts of fluid spattered over the fading embers of the campfire.

Ash's eyes widened in amused surprise as he felt Rowan's body clench and push back against him. A low chuckle escaped his lips, the sensation of Rowan's unexpected climax adding a pleasurable twist to their already intimate encounter. The playful nudge of Ash's fingers continued, each touch attuning itself to Rowan's reactions.

As Rowan quivered in Ash's embrace, he felt the first stirrings from within him once more, the wolf's breath hitching and the knot swelling once more. The sensation, unexpected but welcome, was accompanied by Ash's deepening growls. The wolf's tongue tracked along Rowan's sweat-slick neck, each lick sending shivers of renewed pleasure through the deer. Ash's touch was gentle, yet fervent, his growls turning more lustful as he nuzzled against Rowan, his breath warm and steady against the deer's fur.

Rowan's body responded instinctively, feeling the swell of desire rekindle as Ash's affectionate gestures heightened their connection. In the stillness of the night, their shared body warmth and the beating of their hearts created a cocoon of intimacy. The moment was tender and profound, a melding of their bodies and emotions, that transcended the physical, drawing predator and prey even closer in a way that was exhilarating and comforting...

Sometime later, a loud, braying howl tore through the pre-dawn night—followed by the sharp, piercing bleating of a deer

The first rays of dawn began to filter through the trees, casting a soft golden light over the campsite. Rowan stirred, his body feeling heavy and spent from the previous night. He awoke to the chill of the morning, and the lingering scent of intimacy still clinging to the air. His fur was slick with sweat and morning dew, his muscles aching pleasantly from the exertion.

Slowly, Rowan's eyes fluttered open. He shifted, trying to find the comforting warmth of Ash beside him, but instead, found an empty space where the wolf had lain. His heart skipped a beat, and a pang of anxiety settled in his chest. He sat up, his rump aching and tender, body protesting the sudden movement, his head turning as he scanned the campsite.

The fire had long since died down to a few smouldering embers, and the morning chill was beginning to creep in. There was no sign of Ash – the wolf's clothes were gone, his belongings had been packed away and even his car was no longer parked beside Rowan's.

A wave of unease washed over Rowan. He felt a gnawing emptiness inside him, both physically and emotionally. His thoughts raced as he tried to piece together what had happened. The night had been intense, and the bond they had felt so real, so profound. Yet in the light of day, it seemed to have vanished as abruptly as it had begun.

Rowan stumbled to his cloven hooves, his vision blurring slightly with exhaustion and the remnants of his emotions. He looked around the clearing, hoping for some sign, some clue as to where Ash had gone. There was nothing – just the lingering scent, the silent trees and the whispering breeze, carrying with it the faintest echoes of their night together.

With a heavy sigh, and an even heavier heart, Rowan slumped back onto the ground, his thoughts racing through the memories of the night. He was left with an aching heart and a gnawing sense of abandonment. The warmth and the intimacy he had felt seemed like a fleeting dream, and he was left alone in the cold light of morning, grappling with the reality of Ash's sudden abandonment.

Rowan returned to town, each moment feeling heavier than the last. The vibrant colours of the forest had seemed so alive and welcoming but now felt distant and muted. His heart was weighed down with the lingering sense of loss, and his thoughts were a tangled mess of sorrow and confusion. The morning's chill seemed to follow him, a constant reminder of the empty space – that should have been occupied by Ash.

When he finally arrived at his home, Rowan was met with the familiar sights and sounds of his daily life, but they offered little comfort. The cosy warmth of his living room felt cold and unwelcoming. He sank into his favourite chair, staring at the blank screen of his phone, the previous night replaying in his mind like a bittersweet dream.

Desperate to reconnect, Rowan started typing out a message to Ash. His fingers hovered over the screen, trying to find the right words. The message he eventually sent was simple but filled with the weight of his emotions.

Hey, can we talk? I really need to know what happened. Please, call me back.

He sent the message and waited. Hours passed, and as the sun dipped below the horizon, Rowan's hope began to wane. He tried calling Ash several times, each call met with a voicemail. The silence on the other end was deafening, and Rowan's anxiety grew with each unanswered attempt.

By the third day, the initial pangs of disappointment had turned into a deep, aching sadness. Rowan found himself staring at his phone, willing it to ring, to show a sign that Ash was there, that their connection hadn't been a fleeting illusion. The house was quiet, too quiet, the solitude pressing down on him like a heavier and heavier weight.

His messages remained unanswered. Each time he checked his phone, his heart sank a little further towards his cloven hooves.

I just want to talk, he typed, his fingers trembling. Please, Ash? Where are you? I need to understand...

Again, no response.

Days turned into a blur of growing despondency. Rowan's attempts to reach Ash became increasingly frantic. He sent messages pleading for a conversation, calling at all hours, but the silence was unbroken. He even resorted to driving across town to Ash's apartment – only to find it empty, a for rent sign out the front. The loneliness began to seep into every corner of Rowan's life, turning his home into a hollow shell of its former self.

Rowan's friends noticed his absence, his once-bright demeanour now overshadowed by a deep melancholy. He withdrew from social activities, his mind consumed with thoughts that Ash had simply walked away, leaving him behind. Broken, discarded.

Forgotten.

The emptiness felt unbearable, and Rowan struggled to find solace in anything.

In his darkest moments, Rowan would sit by the window, staring at the night sky, a 9mm pistol clutched in his trembling paws. He prayed for a miracle, a message, anything that would break the agonising silence. The nights were the hardest, filled with restless dreams and waking moments of despair.

Tears welled in Rowan's eyes as he sank into the creaky old armchair by the window. The night outside was lit by the flashes of a distant thunderstorm, the resulting rumble of thunder adding a poignant echo to his own dark, troubled thoughts, the only other sound his own, ragged breathing. He reached for his old, leather-bound journal, one he'd kept for years. The journal was well worn from use, its pages crinkled, the oldest pages yellowed with age. As he flipped through the pages, each turn felt like a reminder of better times, of his life, of a friendship that had meant everything to him.

The pistol on the small table caught the faint glow of the candle beside him, its presence a dark and chilling contrast to the warmth of the memories he struggled to retain, the pictures and words he held in his hands, contained within the journal. Rowan's gaze kept drifting to the weapon, his thoughts turning dark and troubled. The weight of his sadness was crushing, a gnawing sense that he couldn't continue living in this unrelenting agony.

He opened his journal to a blank page and dipped an old feather quill into the ink pot before he began to write, his handwriting shaky and uneven.

Was it all for nothing? He wrote, the pen scratching against the paper. Did our friendship, what we shared, did it all mean so little, that he could just disappear like this?

Each word felt like a knife plunged into his body, and the tears streaming down his face blurred the ink on the page. Rowan tried to focus, but the pain was overwhelming, the ache in his chest an unbearable reminder of Ash's absence. The journal had always been a place for his thoughts, his hopes, and his dreams, but now, it felt like a testament to his loneliness and despair.

The room was heavy with silence, the only comfort coming from the soft rustle of the journal pages, and the occasional sigh he let out. The journal had seen him through many trials, but never had he felt so lost, so abandoned.

He clutched the journal to his chest, his sobs wracking his body. The world outside seemed distant and indifferent, and the future seemed impossibly bleak. The comfort of his old journal and the cold steel of the pistol he'd picked up seemed to be his only companions in that moment of profound solitude.

“I don't know how much longer I can bear this," he whispered into the darkness, the weight of his sorrow pressing down on him like a heavy, unyielding shroud.

Slowly, painfully, he began to write again. Though his hand shook, the words spilled onto the page, dragging memories with them.

Deer Diary, entry – unknown.

Did you ever make a mistake? Something you did, in the moment, that had lasting and terrible consequences? Did you ever make a mistake you wish you could take back?

He paused, the quill poised above the page as another tear slipped from his eyes, his throat tightening.

I did...

It was with Ash. My best friend. One night... one moment, and now...

Outside, the sound of the rain was all that was left, save for the unsteady rhythm of his breathing.

It was with Ash. My best friend. One night... one moment, and now...

Tears welled in his eyes as he contemplated the unbearable weight of his sorrow. In the stillness of the room, the despair seemed almost tangible. He reached for the pistol, his heart aching with the finality of the decision he was about to make. But just as his fingers curled around the cold metal, a sharp, frenetic knocking on the door shattered the silence.

Rowan's head snapped up, his heart racing as he blinked through his tears. The knock was unexpected, so out of place in this, his moment of quiet despair, that it took him a moment to process it.

Hesitating for a few seconds, Rowan slowly rose from the armchair, his movements heavy and disoriented. The knock came again, more instant this time. Rowan moved toward the door, each step a journey from the depths of his anguish towards something – anything – different.

With trembling hands, he reached for the door handle and pulled it open. His breath caught in his throat as he stared in disbelief at the figure standing on the doorstep. Ash was there, drenched from the rain, his fur plastered to his body, and his eyes filled with a mix of guilt and determination.

Rowan's eyes widened in shock, the tears still wet on his cheeks as he took in the sight of his friend. For a moment, the world seemed to stand still, the enormity of the moment crashing down on him.

“Ash..." Rowan's voice was barely a whisper, his mind struggling to process the unexpected.

Ash took a half-step forward, his expression both sorrow and hope. “I... I did not mean to just... walk away. I needed time to think, to... find myself, who I really am..." His voice was strained, his eyes locking on Rowan's, beseeching and honest. “Please... please... will you give me another chance?"

Rowan's emotions overwhelmed him. He burst into tears, his sobs escaping in ragged gasps. Without a word, he threw his arms around the wet, shuddering wolf, pulling him into a tight embrace. The storm outside seemed to pause in its ferocity as the warmth of their reunion filled the space between them.

With trembling paws, Rowan dragged Ash inside, the door slamming shut behind them with a resonant thud. As the storm continued to rage outside, the room now held a different kind of storm – one of powerful, mixed emotions. Rowan's heart pounded in his chest as he held Ash close, the world outside becoming a distant murmur compared to the profound relief and love that surged within them both.

“I want..." Ash murmured, taking Rowan's paws in his own, gazing down into the smaller deers' wide, tear-filled eyes. “I want to be with you... now and until our last days, if you will have me..."

Ash's words began to chase away the shadows of Rowan's despair, filling the void left behind with a sense of hope and possibility between them both.

END

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