FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

James whistled. "That's a big one."

The inflatable pumpkin he was looking at was indeed big. Vanessa didn't want to think about how much it must've cost. The neighborhood they were driving through had decorations on every lawn. Not all were as extravagant as the horror scenes set up or the miniature forests of brightly-lit inflatables, but there was no doubt that the place had Halloween spirit.

Vanessa herself was less enthusiastic. She was happy to hand out candy or dress up for a party, but she'd never been a fan of horror. Scaring so easily was a point of embarrassment for the huge tiger -- one that James frequently exploited. She glanced over at him for the hundredth time that ride, still unsure how the human had managed to convince her to go on this little trip to a haunted house. At least they were going well before Halloween -- there'd hardly be any traffic.

Living with the human for the better part of a year now probably didn't help. Since he'd moved into her apartment in the spring, Vanessa had been subject to more wheeling and dealing than she'd thought possible.

Have him clear the table? That deserved a kiss.

She wanted to stop somewhere after work to shop? Obviously that required a trip to Grape Grove.

When he had a place he wanted to go, he'd offer all sorts of favors.

And he did it all with that stupid, charming smile on his face that the tigress was so swayed by. She sighed to herself; he did go to all those antiques shows with her, and he'd managed to behave himself when her folks were in town. He'd earned a stupid little trip like this, she supposed.

"We turn onto Howard Street, right?" she asked, slowing down at an intersection.

"Yeah. It's a right on there, then a left at Greenpoint," James replied. "Then it'll be somewhere on the right."

Vanessa's van groaned a little as she took the corner. "How did you hear about this place again? Have you been taking secret trips to the suburbs without me?"

"Well, you said if we're gonna get a house, it'd need to be your size," he mused. "Figured the best place to look would be where the houses were built this century."

Vanessa snorted. "Are you going to propose to me, then?"

"No. Why would I?"

"I told you I wouldn't move in with you unless we were getting married!"

"V, we're living together right now."

The tigress spluttered for a moment before her growl matched the engine. "Wrong. You're living with me. I'm not living with you."

"Oh! So what, I'm the poor vagrant you took in off the street? The stray puppy that followed you home?"

"Yes."

James whined , putting his hands on the armrest as he leaned over towards her.

"Keep that up and I'm putting you in a cage at night," Vanessa rumbled, struggling not to smile; the human's puppydog act fell in an instant, replaced with a smirk.

"You wouldn't," James said, "I've heard what you mumble in the mornings."

He slouched back in his seat and snored loudly, mocking her half-awake tenor.

"Mmm... James, you're like a teddy bear..." he droned. "James, just five more minutes... I want to cuddle more... zzz..."

The tigress' ears flicked with embarrassment as she hunched over the wheel, forcing herself to focus on the road. She was considering whether or not to smother James in his sleep tonight or not when they hit the final turn. The human pulled himself from his act at the lurch of the van, and looked out the window for their stop. The house he pointed her to only looked slightly different from the others on the block. The lawn was filled with stake-in decorations like tombstones and reaching hands, light-up eyes peeking out from the bushes.

It was the cobwebs and faux weathering on the front porch that set it apart. Vanessa couldn't help but admire the lengths the owners had gone to for an old appearance. Paint was peeling and wood appeared cracked, crusted in lichen, and warped. The skeletons and makeshift ghosts hanging about the front porch in various poses actually looked out of place because of it. The decades-old styling is what sold it as a haunted house. She ignored James' light teasing as they climbed the front walk; it was difficult to spot where the decorations ended and the real house began.

The scarecrow costume the guy at the door was wearing had some effort to it, at least. The straw sticking out from between the seams was real -- at least that's what his scratching suggested. He looked up from his phone when James and Vanessa mounted the porch steps.

"Oh, uh, 'boo,'" he said, adjusting the burlap sack over his face. "You got tickets?"

James pulled out the QR codes he'd begged Vanessa to print off at her store. The scarecrow scanned them with his phone, nodding at the ding.

"Alright, go on through," he said, pressing a button on the arm of his chair before pausing. "You attached to those clothes?" he asked.

James and Vanessa looked down at his casual jeans and sweatshirt and her shorts and sweater, the tigress with wider eyes.

"You didn't say anything about --!" she began.

"The website didn't say anything about --" James replied, looking at the scarecrow.

"There's nothing too bad, just be careful how close you get to some of the scenes, " the guy replied with a bored kind of calm. He looked up at Vanessa, unphased by her size. "There's decorations on the ceiling, so, uh, you know. You might need to duck."

He slouched back in his chair and returned to his phone. The tigress' eyes lingered on him until James pulled at her hand. After giving her boyfriend a harsh glare, she reluctantly followed through the open door. She almost didn't recognize that she didn't have to duck. The mudroom was similarly built to a robust anthro-sized standard; more proof that the house was built recently. But like the porch, the decoration details disguised it well. Dinge and dirt seemed ingrained into the wood and paint. Soft, mechanical noises echoed from further in the house, and strobes promised static displays. It put Vanessa somewhat at ease. Rooms full of cheap animatronics and basic atmosphere she could handle.

She still jumped slightly when speakers came on with a slight crackle.

"Welcome, welcome to the homely House of Horrors!" a deep voice said. "I am Sir Ramos Aimsworth, your spectral steward and tour guide. Allow me to show you around the property -- you'll surely find that it's to die for!"

Vanessa rolled her eyes as the recording broke out into a cliche laugh. James' grin threatened to split his face in two.

"You scared yet, kitty cat?" he asked, offering his hand to her.

"Very."

The human was undeterred by her lack of enthusiasm. He led the way into the next room; a fake wall of rubble blocked a stairway to the next floor, guiding them to the attraction's first scene.

"This is the 'living' room," the ghostly tour guide said over the speakers; a trio of bodies sat on a ratty couch facing away from them, an old tube TV flickering with static in front of them. "Do be careful -- no one likes their shows being interrupted!"

Naturally, a thick net of cotton cobwebs blocked the only other path. James looked up at her, savoring her expression.

"We could just go through the --"

"Shut up," she growled. "You go first."

James snickered. He held back his snide remarks, and flourished the bottom of his sweatshirt like a cape before marching forward. The space between the coffee table in front of the couch and the television was unsurprisingly narrow. Wet-looking viscera sat was laid out like a Superbowl snack platter. Vanessa tried to take solace in how cheap the figures on the couch looked with their torn clothes and dollar-store masks.

A hiss of pneumatics quickly gave her a much closer look.

Canned roaring and growling effects played as the trio of ghouls jumped up from the couch. Vanessa responded with one of her own, her fur standing on end. James held in a laugh while the tigress slowly relaxed, watching the figures' arms stiffly rock back and forth in a vague approximation of a threat.

"...I-it's not even scary, it's just startling," she said, her ears still laid low to her skull. "Would you move, James?"

"I thought you wanted me to go first?" he asked, meandering slowly in front of the TV. "You sure you're not spooked?"

She pushed him forward with a grunt, her soft mass hard to argue with. The figures retracted back onto the couch as the living followed the path out of the living room. The sounds of chainsaws and screaming guided their way through the poorly lit path. A yellowish light illuminated a doorway off to the side, partially blocked by an overturned tool chest. Another scene of horror was framed in the room beyond.

"That room was a kitchen before a tenant turned it into a workshop," Aimsworth said over the speakers. More screaming and chainsaws played over another set as an animatronic in a bloody butcher's outfit swung its prop behind a curtain; a flickering backlight revealed a shaking human silhouette and generous bloodsplatters.

"The perfect place for uninterrupted work!" the ghost added with another ominous laugh.

"How much were the tickets for this place again?" Vanessa asked as the two of them moved on. She snorted and growled quietly when the plastic bats haunting the ceiling caught on her fur.

"Not much," James said. "That's why I wanted to go. And I heard good things."

"From who?" the tigress asked as they entered the dining room.

"Some of my buddies at work. A lot of 'em are still in college and the like, you know? They love this kinda shit," he said, ignoring their ghostly house guide's recording. "It's an excuse for them to go somewhere while buzzed, get their girl to jump into their arms..."

Vanessa groaned at his wiggling eyebrows.

"You want me to jump on you?" she asked, some teeth to her grin.

"Maybe when we get to the bedroom."

The tigress' smile quickly turned to a snarl. "I'm not doing you in a haunted house," she said, puffing herself up. She certainly was scarier than the dinner scene they were walking through -- all the animatronics were doing here was following them and waving while at plates covered in body parts and sausage. It would've been more unnerving if the holes for their motion detectors weren't so big and placed right on their faces.

"Woah! When did I say anything sexual?" James replied with a smile. "You're the one jumping to that, tiny!"

"James..."

"Good news is if this really is a haunted house, you'll probably survive," he said, heading on toward the kitchen nonchalantly. "You're that 'shy but beautiful nerd girl that won't put out' right now. They always survive."

Vanessa clenched her fists and threw her head back with a groan. "And you're the meathead jock that thinks he's all that..." she grumbled. It turned to a soft rumble when James chuckled.

"Then I hope you'll scream my name dramatically when your muscly man gets mauled by some monster," he said.

Vanessa held her tongue to keep from giving him more ammo. She focused on the room instead.

"Ahh yes, the kitchen," Aimsworth said from an unseen speaker, "where the sausage is made!"

A pair of legs twitched from the top of a comically oversized meatgrinder; a loud rumbling startled James just as much as it did the tigress when it turned on for a few moments. The legs still flailed after it shut off and the pair of them realized it was built over the sink's garbage disposal. Another lumpy-looking animatronic chopped fingers at the opposite counter. The cleaver's loud, rhythmic _clack_s against the counter were followed by scrapes as the sliced-up fingers were brushed across the blood-slicked cutting board. A transparent track brought the parts down into a garbage can cauldron when they slid off the edge.

Vanessa huffed when James bent down to inspect where the track dipped into the goop. "Really? Do you need to?" she asked.

"What? It's pretty cool," he said, brushing past her to try and get a better look at the bag the butcher was pulling the fingers from. "They're clean when they come out from the gunk somehow!"

"Ask the guy out front how it works, or for a behind the scenes tour." Vanessa replied. "Let's go, James..."

"C'mon, it'll only take a --"

The rumble of the disposer made them both jump when it again filled the room.

"J-James!"

"Alright, alright," the human relented, watching the tigress' tail twitch sharply back and forth. Her hackles were still settling when he slipped past her to take the lead again. The way out from the kitchen brought them to the other side of the faux-rubble that'd greeted them at the beginning. A small door was built into it, right across from one covered in caution tape and numerous warning signs.

"Looks like the only way is up," James said, eyeing the stairway. "Don't think we're supposed to go through the mummy door."

"What about --" Vanessa started, reaching for the rubble one when a speaker came to life.

"My apologies, but the basement won't be included in our tour," Aimsworth said, a hint of genuine professionalism sneaking through the act. "Years ago one of the tenants' 'pets' dug their way out through the concrete... and now something else has come in."

There was a thump against the door on cue.

"There's no cause for alarm. But I wouldn't linger too long. It loves the smell of the living..."

More thumping and muffled growls tightened Vanessa's grip on James -- and then she realized she was holding onto him. The shit-eating grin that greeted her made her want to hurl.

"Don't worry, Stacy, I'll protect you," James said in a thick dude-bro imitation. He puffed out his chest as she let him go and flexed his arms at the door. "Stupid extradimensional horrors aren't coming between me and my ho-co date!"

"Run along upstairs; the key for the way out is up there," Aimsworth said before Vanessa could retch.

"C'mon, Stacy," James said, mounting the creaking stairs, "the limo guy gets paid by the hour!"

Vanessa let out a deep sigh. "Just to be clear, I'd never have gone to a dance with you," she said, testing one of the creaky steps before following after him.

"What, cause you didn't go to them at all?" he asked from the platform.

"No, because --"

Vanessa paused; her tiger ears twitched. Above the noise of the stairs and all the displays below, there was a sound. Something between fast footsteps and scraping.

"What? Traumatized by a bunch of middle-school memories?" James asked.

"Shut up."

He did, a little off guard. Her intense look of focus wasn't at him. Vanessa strained her ears, listening for the sound again with no success. It was odd; she was more afraid of the sound not coming again than she was of it repeating like the rest of the racket.

"You hear something?" he asked when she started going up the stairs again.

"I thought so, but I guess not," she said. James spluttered when she knocked him into the wall with a hip-check to the shoulder. "This place is just stressing me out..."

Watching the human lose his composure for a change brought Vanessa some satisfaction, even if it was temporary. He shook himself a little before addressing her with that annoyingly charming smile once more.

"Don't worry, V," he said, patting her ass a little hard, "I promise I'll help you work all of it out when we're done."

A twitch of her flank enhanced the jiggle of her rear. "You touch, you buy, little man..."

"I thought you weren't gonna do me in here?"

The tigress moved him towards the next set of stairs with a firm hand and a growl. "Just go," she said, edging on a chuckle. The noises from below faded away as they entered the second floor. The decorations were as sparse as the lighting, the long L-shaped hallway open to the stairwell. Save for strings of cobwebs interwoven through the balusters, the little "OPEN" signs above each door were the only obvious decoration; only one of them was currently on.

"Guess that's the way to go,"James said. Vanessa didn't argue. She followed close behind him, the relative silence putting her back on edge. The door opened with an appropriate cacophony of squeaking and creaking.

"This is the library," Aismworth announced as the pair entered, notably more quiet. "It used to be an art studio, but the last owner preferred books and did some... Remodeling."

That explained the paintings floating around the sparse and spooky bookshelves. They were mostly landscape pieces that'd probably been picked up from a second-hand store. The bookshelves seemed to be there more to support whatever suspension system for the paintings hummed and clicked softly above them; there were more cobwebs and plastic skulls on them than books. The few that were there had blatantly large titles on their spines, all appropriate to the season.

James and Vanessa carefully filtered into the room, the tall tigress shoving aside the paintings with slight annoyance. There wasn't an obvious path like on the first floor. The tigress' eyes darted about in search of whatever tired jumpscare was coming next, but no ghouls lurked behind the shelves.

"What do we have to do?" she whispered.

"Find the key, I guess," James replied, similarly quiet. "Heh, look at that."

The human pointed up at one of the paintings. In the gloom of the half-covered windows, Vanessa could see only one supporting string. Above it lay a rectangular cut-out in the ceiling.

"I'll bet that's a stairway to the attic."

"If it doesn't have the key in it, I don't care," Vanessa sighed.

"I'm surprised it's not part of the experience. Nothing more scary than a bat-infested attic... or one with spi--"

"Shut up."

James snickered at the tiger's droning growl. She was about to smack him when he beat her to the punch, suddenly shoving at her hips.

"James! What--"

He pointed up at a painting she'd been brushing against; the once-blase scene of waves against a shore was glistening red. Blood pooled along the bottom edge as Vanessa's fur rose. She patted at her head for any signs of dampness while the other paintings around them began to bleed.

"The artist had a habit of using blood for their ink," Aimsworths' voice whispered from the speaker. "The night after the bookworm moved their collection here, the ink in their tomes bled off the pages."

A quieter ominous laugh echoed through the room. It almost hid the quiet buzz of a pump as red began to run from the sparse tomes on the shelves. Vanessa got up on her toes as the stuff fell to the floor--it probably wasn't blood, but it would probably be a pain to get out of her fur.

"Find the key, find the key!" she said in a rising tone. James saved his wisecracks for later and looked the shelves up and down, avoiding the drips and slow-growing pools of blood. Aimsworth's laughter grew louder and deeper as Vanessa backed towards the door. She closed her eyes when she hit the wood. It was all just a stupid haunted house. It wasn't real blood, it was just loud noises--she should be annoyed, not scared.

James' curse made her eyes fly open with a jump. He was wrestling with an oversized key, the other person invisible. "It won't--move--!" he grunted, yanking at it some more. "What's wrong with--"

A bell rang out and silenced the laughter of the ghost. The paintings stopped in their tracks, swaying slowly from momentum while they continued to drip. No new blood gushed from the books. A light shined from wherever the human had pulled the key from on the shelf, and he hesitantly put it back. He returned to Vanessa just on edge as her.

"I think we can go on now," he said, gesturing to the door she was pressed against.

"W-What's with the key?"

"It was on a wire. Either they don't want to reset it each time, or it's part of the act."

"So we can leave?" she asked, the door handle jittering slightly in her paw; the lights in the stairwell answered her question. The tigress groaned softly at the 'closed' sign hung at the top of the stairs. One of the 'open' signs above a different door was now lit. James gave her a gentle pat on the hip, lacking the sauce from before.

"Looks like two more doors, V. Then we can cuddle and eat popcorn or something."

"I'm thinking a bath. And then a massage..." she sighed, following him to the next door.

Dozens of glowing eyes greeted them when James opened it.

"This is the second bedroom," Aimsworth announced; interference from all the wind-up and radio toys in the room bled through the speakers. Vanessa reluctantly followed her boyfriend further in, careful to avoid stepping on the various racecars and robots that zipped around the floor. Blacklights moved around like prison spotlights, exposing symbols and crude drawings on the walls and furniture. More toys were posted on the desk and the bunkbed, dart-launchers poking out from the dresser drawers

"We all leave pieces of ourselves in our childhood homes," the ghost said. "The children of this house tended to leave their souls... And they always adore new playmates!"

The low drone of the toys stopped at his words; the eyes and lights all pointed at the tigress and human. The silence hung in the air for a moment. Vanessa heard something at the edge of it, those quick, scraping footsteps. The toy army restarted before she could place it--and their newfound focus prevented her from trying to listen again.

James kicked the plastic soldier that came after his foot away while Vanessa suffered a barrage from the dart-launching tanks. All it garnered was an annoyed growl, but the pokes and bumps of plastic figures against her feet were getting annoying. She pushed past James to look for the room's key. He sputtered as something launched a net into his face and made a dramatic show of being overwhelmed. Vanessa rolled her eyes as he rolled around on the floor.

"You're an excellent actor, James," she said, spotting an old-looking key held by a platoon of action figures. The way they pulled back when she grabbed it was unnerving. Their uncanny faces of plastic were dead; she couldn't tell if that helped her unease or not. A wire attached to the key went taut and sent them flying when the tigress used her strength. Like the last room, a bell chimed that stopped the tiny onslaught of the toys, and Vanessa put the key back into its slot--the one action figure that'd been bolted to the table with its arms still raised.

"Come on," she said, brushing the dead vehicles off her human with a footpaw. "Let's go, James. Last room."

"W-what?" he said, eyes darting when he sat up. "They're all stopped! St-Stacy, how'd you--?"

"Up, James."

He grumbled with defeat, cussing when he put his weight on one of the toys. "Kinda creepy that the lights are still on," he said, nodding to the variety of eyes and lasers still pointed their way.

"That's why I want to leave..."

Vanessa led the way out this time, leaving James to follow her tail. The last door's 'open' sign was lit up as expected.

"Ahh, the master bedroom. Where one lays a weary head to rest after a long day's work," Aimsworth burbled over the speakers when Vanessa stepped in. The room looked almost normal, save the bodies in the bed--including a severed horse head between them, staining the sheets crimson.

"Space shan't be a concern for the home's next owners. The closet is as spacious as the bed--a perfect place to hide all the skeletons of one's past!"

The ghosts' chuckles were more restrained this time. The tigress gave the room another once-over while James slipped from behind her; one of the shapes under the bed's covers shot up straight when he walked past. Vanessa was slightly proud when he jumped and she didn't. James laughed a little to get over the jitters, and continued further in. The other body and the horse-head writhed as Vanessa slowly approached the bed. It looked familiar, though she couldn't place where she'd seen it. She reached down to move the sheets when James exclaimed from the other side of the room.

"Got the key!"

James stood just outside the open closet doors, another key in his hand and a smile on his face. "Funny, there's no wire on this one. And no creepy challenge, ei--"

The tigress jumped a little when he threw himself back into the closet. Then she was filled with annoyance.

"Ha-ha, James. Very--"

The heavy thumps made her eyes go wide.

Vanessa bolted to the closet as the thumping and scraping above came again for sure. Plastic skeletons swung on the clothes rack. She batted them aside and found herself staring at a small, dark hole in the back wall, where paint had cracked and chipped. Her breath quickened as there were more noises from above, a weight being dragged added to the skittering steps.

"Mmm..." Aimsworth hummed, making the tigress jump, "Poor fool. She hasn't been fed in ages... At least that means she'll be quick."

Vanessa's stilted breaths seemed muffled in the small space. She froze when he spoke again.

"I would run if I were you, kitty," the ghost purred from somewhere new--somewhere close-- "He won't fill her for long... And you're quite the juicy morsel..."

The tigress flew out from the closet as a maniacal laugh filled the speakers. Not just the ones there, but everywhere. He followed her out of the room and into the hallway, growing louder and louder. Vanessa's claws scraped the wood when she hesitated at the stairs; more sounds came from below of blades and groans. They weren't there before.

Her eyes caught the flickering 'open' sign above the library and she dashed towards it with a nervous growl. Aimsworth's mocking laughter continued when she bowled through the door. A painting knocked her in the face as she rushed forward, and she batted it aside with a shaky snarl. Her tail lashed as she searched the ceiling for that cutout again; the painting hanging on the attic drawstring clattered to the floor when she found it. The stairway unfolded with a creaking crash, and Vanessa flew up it before she considered whether it'd hold her weight.

The attic was silent. Her heart pounded. The speakers and the laughing cut out when the stairway crashed down but she could still hear it in her head. Even her breaths seemed muffled in the low space. Her feline eyes adjusted to the dark in moments, light filtering in from some far-off window. Boxes and sheet-covered furniture crowded the usable space, leaving only a narrow hallway. Vanessa's fur bristled on end as she eyed it up. Thick cobwebs were coming into view--and she couldn't tell if they were fake.

She pushed forward with a deep breath.

Her ears flicked, honing in on every creak of the floorboards and sigh of the house. She shakily cleared the cobwebs that came in her way with extended claws. The corridor between the boxes was tight. The sheets caught on her clothes and the boxes threatened to shift and fall as her curves pushed against them. Vanessa bit back the growl in her throat as she came up to a wall; there was a clear way around it that led to the source of light. Taking a few quick breaths, the tigress rounded the corner with claws at the ready.

A glittering set of eyes and an otherworldly hiss greeted her. Shadowy limbs arced through the air as the giant spider reared up against the wall, chelicerae clacking like garden sheers. A white lump of webbing sat at its base. The boxes next to the tigress toppled as she staggered back. Adrenaline hijacked her senses and threw out a swipe even as her mind whimpered. Vanessa tore away the sheets and hurled whatever she could find at the creature, earning more hisses. She roared desperately in response.

A massive limb swiped more boxes and sent them tumbling across the open space--then someone else yelled.

Vanessa stared, frozen in disbelief as a human figure burst from the scattered boxes and hacked at the spider with a glowing blade.

"Die, monster!" he yelled, "You don't belong in this world!"

There was a death squeal as the figure plunged the sword into the sea of eyes, the light of his sword going dim for a moment. Then the room turned blindingly bright; Vanessa shaded her eyes, blinking as they narrowed. Before her stood a familiar figure, his jeans and sweatshirt now covered in rough platemail made of beer cans. James lifted the visor of his similarly-constructed helmet, giving her a generous bow.

"M'lady." He said.

James held the pose, sweating. The armor was hot and the attic made it even worse. He wasn't sure how she'd react. With the lights on and the spider mock-up all torn, she shouldn't be paralyzed anymore. But--

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

He suddenly wished he'd kept his visor down.

Vanessa tackled him like a freight train. The sudden weight pinning him to the creaking boards drove the air from his lungs in a comical puff. The tigress pinned his shoulders with ease and snarled in his face with more ferocity than he'd ever seen.

"Why would you do this!?" she roared, thudding her weight down on him for emphasis, "You think it's funny? You think it's funny to--to set up an entire house just to fuck with me and scare me? To make me think you died? I--"

She paused, panting in his face. Oh, God; he did just set up a whole haunted house for her. All the set pieces, all the recordings...

"If-- I said-- 'Cause I love you'-- would you kill me?" the human wheezed beneath her.

"Yes," she said; James chuckled.

"'Cause I love you'."

Vanessa descended on him with a heavy groan. The can-armor crinkled audibly as she attempted to squeeze the life out of him, digging her chin into the back of his neck.

"You are such a pain in the ass, James," she rumbled. She kneaded at the back of his helmet. "You know, maybe I shouldn't push you to propose... Being stuck with you forever sounds like hell."

"That's a-- shame-- you should've seen what I-- had planned for that--"

Vanessa chuckled. "I'm saying no if it involves spiders."

"Ahh--Damn," the human said. His sarcasm was hard to make out under the tigress's weight, but it was there. She rolled to the side and let him breathe a little more--but he was still firmly in her clutches. "I was gonna have one be the ringbearer."

"Oh, you had a plan for the wedding and the proposal, huh?" she asked.

"It wasn't far along, but--yeah." He panted, looking up at her with that stupid smile she couldn't help but return. "So--uh--what'd you think of the house?"

Vanessa huffed. "Not even a moment to breathe?"

"No, no, the-- house. The building. Not the--gags," he said. "I know those were great."

"Well, I was a bit distracted..."

James shifted uncomfortably in her grip.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was thinking we could-- buy it," he managed.

The tigress snorted at the joke. Then she realized he was serious.

"A-after everything you did to me in it? You think I'd ever want to come back?"

"It's got the-- size requirement you want--" James said. "And the workshop is right by the garage. Good for-- all the restoring you do."

Vanessa's eyes softened, just a hair.

"James, we can't afford this," she sighed. "Especially not with however much you blew on this little stunt..."

"W-well, about that," the human said hastily, trying to get ahead of her mounting realization, "it, uh, didn't cost much. I-In fact, it's getting us a better deal on the house. I-if we buy it."

"How?" she asked, expression still harsh.

"...I've gotta run the haunted house the rest of the month," he said. "The manager of the Maynerds in the mall owns this place. He got it and wanted to fix it up and flip it, but he's getting promoted to corporate soon. So, I, uh..."

"...Did your James-y dealings with him," Vanessa said for him, "I understand." She looked around, her chest puffing up against him before she let out a long sigh. "How much?"

"Mortgage is $2300 a month."

Vanessa couldn't help herself; she squeezed him with a laugh.

"James, that's great! That's--that's way less than even smaller places!" she said. She beamed down at him, the brightest she had the whole night.

"W-well, I'm glad you're happy," James said in relief. "N-now, if you could, uh, let me go, I could send him a--"

Claws punched through aluminum.

"Not a chance, little man," Vanessa rumbled, her smile turning wicked. "You didn't think this wouldn't come without consequences, did you?"

The human gulped as the tigress rolled atop him once more, shredding his armor piece by piece. He prayed the joists below him weren't on the list of things to fix--but they probably would be soon.