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—

Nicholas

—

I was driving down a stretch of highway that was just… corn. Corn to my left, corn to my right. For the last twenty miles, it had been fields and fields of nothing but corn. Man, I was not used to being in the country anymore. Ever since I graduated high school, I’d bailed on the farm town of Mavis (population: seven hundred and forty-two) for the hustle and bustle and oh-so-shiny lights of Greenwood, which, rather conveniently, was almost two hundred miles away. Sorry, mom and dad, but the city boy in me called strong, and I had to answer it.

Now look at me! Cruising down the highway in a shiny silver convertible, with slick low-profile tires on alloy rims, an engine that could go from zero to sixty in nothing flat, and a swanky black leather interior with real wood trim. And I paid for it myself, with the money I made as a big-shot lawyer. I cackled to myself, wiggling a little in my seat. Driving to my ten-year high-school reunion didn’t seem so bad, after all, and I’d get to surprise my parents that I was going to be staying the whole month!

Okay, so I had to take out a huge lease on the new car. And yeah, I was a lawyer, but big-shot was stretching it just a little. It was a pro-bono firm for destitute clients, which was morally rewarding, but it barely paid fifty grand a year. It was more than I’d ever made before, but somehow still never enough. I had dreams of picking up a huge case and taking down one of the many corrupt mega-corporations that poisoned our state’s waters and polluted our air. Unfortunately, almost all I’d gotten since I left college five years ago were workman’s comp cases. And while I kept telling myself I didn’t mind it, I couldn’t shake the feeling there had to be more out there.

I had to look good — successful, really — to make the right first impression; after all, I hadn’t been back in ten years. Hopefully, the big stink about me being gay had dissipated, since that was old history from back in high school. Knowing the old biddies in the town… well, I wouldn’t get my hopes up. I sighed and pulled down the visor to check my hair.

Yup, all still there.

My dark, straight brown hair contrasted with the wavy golden fur that shone in the sunlight pouring in through the open roof, a sign that I was all pure golden lab. The red flannel shirt I wore hugged my lean body closely; if I had to be five-foot six and all of a hundred and twenty-something pounds, I might as well make the most of it. The silver cuff on my right ear glinted as I folded up the visor. Maybe one day I’d have the courage to get an actual piercing, but that was a thought for another time.

Coming up on my right, I spied the road sign: MAVIS - 54 MILES, EXIT 209

Thank God, I’m almost there. Maybe this month off will do me some good. Get my head on straight, remind myself why I don’t want to move back home and sob about the unfairness of it all… I wonder if there’s even anyone on Grindr to —

My eyes picked up something in the road, headed right for my driver’s side tire. “Oh, fu-”

Whu-BAM!

“Shit!” I yelped, as I hit an absolutely massive rock that was just sitting there in the middle of the road. The car started pulling to the left, hard, and I knew I’d blown a tire. Ambling the vehicle to the side of the road, I put on my hazards and shut the damn thing off. My phone was my next priority, and I checked out my signal. “No bars. Friggin’ figures,” I muttered. It had been an hour or so since I saw any other vehicles on the road, too. Banging my head against the steering wheel, I let loose with every swear word I knew. Hell, think I might’ve made up a few new ones, too. I leaned back in my seat and let out a weary sigh as my eyes started stinging. Oh, no you do NOT, Nicholas Southwell! This is nothing. You just have to… get out and walk. Yeah. That’s it. Get out and walk!

—

“Fuck me,” I groaned. I’d been walking for what felt like hours, but from the mile markers, I’d only made it a whole five and a quarter miles. It was getting on to noon, and the sun pelted down on me as I wiped sweat out of my eyes. My drenched clothes clung to my body; the dressy button-down and the khakis would at least need a thorough washing, if they were salvageable at all. And some farmers were watering their fields. It was tempting to stand under the spray, but I knew for a fact that the farmers out here used gray water (water reclaimed from sewage that’s safe for watering crops and lawns, but not safe for consumption). Farming was in my genes; my mom and dad were both corn farmers, same as everyone else around my hometown. But I just couldn’t let some backwater hick town tie me down my whole life! What kind of life would that be, anyway? The dating scene alone would be wretched. Not that I’d been doing any of that anyway, but hope springs eternal and all that.

A fly started buzzing around my head, the little cretin. I swatted at it, but of course, there was no way I could’ve caught it. Nevertheless, I swiped and grasped at the fucker, and finally, I had it in my curled-up paw. I jumped for joy, letting out a whoop of triumph — okay, maybe I had a touch of heatstroke. Cackling, I squished the bug, then realized that I had nothing to wipe my hands on but my smelly, sweaty clothes. “Damn.”

As I was wiping my paw on the thigh of my pants, I heard a distant rumble. Thunder? I looked around at the horizon, but it was nothing but clear skies. I sighed. Guess it was too much to hope for a reprieve from this heat — Wait! Is that a car?!

Sure enough, an enormous, beat-up white truck was driving my way! I could’ve cried, but I held it together long enough to jump up and down and wave my arms like a lunatic over my head. “Here!” I screamed, yelling at the top of my lungs. “Over here!”

The truck flashed its brights at me a few times, acknowledging my presence. Relieved, I slumped to the ground and rested my head on top of my knees. I let out a single, massive sob of relief. And then exhaustion hit me like a sack of bricks. I couldn’t quite muster up the strength to move, not even when I heard the crunch of tires slowing to a stop next to me. But I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the door open hastily, and a deep, hesitant, rumbly voice spoke just three words to me.

“Nick? That you?”

—

Knox

—

I’d been working on old Mrs. Wyrdmott’s car all freaking morning. And a good portion of yesterday, too. It didn’t matter how many times I told her to bring it around for an oil change, she always ran it till it smoked. Her late husband (bless his soul) was the mechanic who’d handed this shop down to me three years ago; I’d apprenticed under him right up until the day he died. Mr. Wyrdmott had also expressed a similar frustration and had resorted to ‘stealing’ the car from her when it needed maintenance. Even the promise of a free routine service couldn’t convince her to bring it in.

At least she paid me for the trouble.

I groaned as I levered myself up from under the car; a solidly serviceable four-door sedan painted her favorite color (candy apple red) and walked into the employee bathroom to tidy up.

Good thing I did, geez. I had a giant grease stain on my left cheek, causing the white, orange, and black-striped fur to look muddy and dark. Some of the special shampoo we kept in there took it right off, with some more just to rinse the sweat out of my hair, and I felt like a new tiger. My days as defensive tackle for the Mavis Destroyers in high school gave me the start of a muscular build, and I’d only gotten bigger since then. I twisted my upper body back and forth. All right, so I was ogling myself. Big deal. Everyone should check themselves out sometimes.

Exiting, I went to the waiting room, knocking lightly on the doorframe. I called out, “Hey, Mrs. Wyrd —”

“Clarissa, dear. You’re a grown man, too, now, and you’re an equal here.” Clarissa Wyrdmott was in her late seventies, though she didn’t look a day over two hundred. A wizened old white rabbit, with shaky hands, more wrinkles than that fitted sheet you hadn’t bothered to fold, and the most perfect smile of pearly whites you ever did see. Seriously, I needed to get the name of her dentist. “Now, what is it, Lennox?”

I rolled my eyes at my full name. “Tell you what, Clarissa. I’ll keep calling you by your first name, if you call me by my nickname.”

“Oh, but I remember when you were this high on me!” she crooned, putting a horizontal paw somewhere down by her calf. “I remember your parents bringing you into church for your baptism, and they announced their baby boy, Lennox, to the whole parish. You always were such a sweet boy. Well, except for that little hullabaloo in high school. You know, I always said it was awful how they treated little Nicky.”

I winced, but straightened my spine quickly in the hopes she wouldn’t notice. Scuffing a booted foot along the ground, I let out an uneasy chuckle. “Yeah-h-h… Um, so anyway, your car.” Thankfully, Clarissa seemed perfectly happy to change gears again, and she nodded. “You need an oil pan cap for your car, but we don’t have any at the shop. I checked the online inventory at the auto parts place up on Main, and they don’t have any in either, but there are some in Six Trails, just up the road apiece. M’gonna take off and pick some up for the shop, and then I can replace yours too; should be done by this evening. One of the guys can drive you home, so you don’t have to wait here.”

Clarissa nodded. “That would be wonderful, dear. Thank you so much. An old biddy like me needs all the help she can get!” Then she stood up, grabbing my oversized ear, and pulling me down. In a voice that she probably thought was a whisper, she said, “Try to get Marcus. He’s a strapping young thing, isn’t he?” Then, with a wicked and dazzling grin, she shuffled back to her seat, plopping down and kicking her tiny legs out like a schoolgirl waiting on her crush to walk by.

Five minutes later, she was Marcus’ problem as I tooled down 209 in my beat-up truck. Ol’ Marge was my work truck, and she had a pair of toolboxes built into the long ends of the bed, and a shorter one at the top behind the window. The dents and rust that marred the white paint were her battle scars. But I didn’t really care how Marge looked; that pickup had been faithfully serving me for 7 years now, and she had a massively roomy hood that made it easy as pie to work on her. The blue upholstered interior had a few grease stains from my time at the shop, a few rips, and yeah, the glass needed polishing… but that was a problem for future me. I put in a CD of some 80s metal and tried to zone out a little.

It wasn’t working.

All I could think about was that day in senior year, right before homecoming. They’d named me captain of the football team that year, and I was the hottest shit. Everyone wanted a piece of the tiger; guys wanted to be me, girls wanted to be with me. We’d won state that year, too, so people were coming out of the woodwork, all to see me. I think Ms. Folsom, the school nurse, even had a crush on me. It almost overwhelmed me, the sheer volume of confessions I was getting on the daily, but I just politely turned them all down. Still, I could’ve had any girl I wanted.

So why did it fuck me up so bad when Nick Southwell confessed to liking me?

We were in one of the spare classrooms after school, and he was tutoring me in science. I don’t even remember what we were studying, because all I was thinking about was how good he smelled. I never found out what cologne or body spray or whatever he wore, but it was exactly like fresh peaches and cinnamon. And I still don’t know why I remember that specific little detail all these years later, but he caught me staring at him.

It just… it got real quiet suddenly. I swear it was like I zoomed in on him, because he was all I could see.

Weird shit.

And then he looked away, and I nearly fell out of my chair from leaning so far forward. Caught myself before I bumped into him, though, thank goodness. And then he looked back at me, smiled a crooked smile, and with a soft, breathy laugh, he said, “Hey, so, uh, Knox? I need to tell you something.”

His voice was like birds singing. How had I never noticed that before? “Yeah, anything, man.”

He took a deep breath. “Knox, I’m… I’m gay.” There was a long pause, and then the rest of the words tumbled out in a rush. “I’m gay, and I have a crush on you, and I think you’re amazing, and do you maybe wanna go to homecoming with me?”

Time stopped. I didn’t know what to think. My face heated, and my stomach twisted around and around itself. Somehow, even though it was wringing itself like an old dishtowel, I had a fluttery feeling in my stomach. And my whole body was tingling, like that time I stuck my finger onto the terminal of one of Grampa’s old tube lights he kept in his workshop.

And I freaked.

I shoved my books into my backpack as fast as I could go, while Nick begged me to stay, to talk to him, to tell him what was going on, and then finally, pleading with me to forget it. Just forget it. I left that classroom with Nick in tears, and I hadn’t said a damn word.

I ran all the way home, a weird clenching feeling in my gut that somehow also found its way to more southerly regions. Feelings of excitement and nervousness flooded me, and my whole body was still tingling, and I couldn’t figure out why. Was it the crying? God, I hoped not. That’d be fucked up. I burst through the front door, ditching my sneakers and my backpack in the entryway, then ran to the kitchen for a glass of cold water.

As I chugged it, Mom came into the kitchen and started making something. A sandwich, maybe? I really wasn’t paying attention. Eventually, she turned to look at me and said in the sweetest, most motherly voice, “Honey? What’s wrong?”

Nick asked me not to tell. Begged me not to tell. Cried over it, even. So what did I do? Opened my mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.

“Nick Southwell is gay, and… I think he asked me to homecoming.”

I’d never seen my mom’s face go darken so quickly. “And? What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything. I just left.” Like a coward.

“Good man. Excuse me, I need to make a phone call.”

And that was it. The next day, everybody in town knew what Nick had done, and basically all the kids in school started picking on him. And the park that killed me the most was that I, the guy he’d confessed to, that he had a crush on, had been the worst of the lot. I couldn’t lose my status, my support system, and if I hadn’t done anything, then our classmates would’ve picked on me, too, and thought I was gay. And that wasn’t something I could allow, so I just went with the flow.

The worst part? I never got to tell him how frickin’ sorry I was. God, I still have nightmares about the look on his face when I called him a faggot for the first time. I broke his heart, and for good measure, I spread the pieces all around the damn school.

There was the ten-year reunion. A part of me hoped he’d gotten out of this bigoted town and never, ever looked back. A much bigger part hoped that he’d come back to town, and I’d get one more chance at redemption.

Movement on the side of the road jolted me out of my reverie, and I squinted through the heat haze and harsh sun of the summer day. Was that… Oh, shit! It was a person! A very slender, petite someone, with golden fur, and a red flannel shirt with khakis that looked soaked and painted on. “It is way too hot out here for anyone to be walking. Must’ve run out of gas or something.” I flashed my brights a few times, and I watched the figure crumple to the ground, curling up into a ball. “Aw, heck, that ain’t good.” Pressing on the accelerator, I shifted down to help me speed up. I pulled up on the other side of the highway, and it only took me a few more moments to reach them as I popped open the door, stepped out, and started walking towards them. And like some vision of my dreams, I found out I recognized this little guy. He was sweaty, but I’d recognize that scent anywhere.

Peaches and cinnamon.

“Nick?” I called out, trying to keep my voice gentle. “That you?”

His entire body stiffened, and I watched him look up to glare at me wordlessly. But one look at his face was all I needed to see. “Holy shit, Nick, it is you! Oh my God, you’re soaked. You might actually have heatstroke. Let’s get you up and into some A/C.” I reached out a paw and placed it on his shoulder.

Nick wrenched his body away from me. “Don’t touch me, asshole!” He hissed. “I’m fine. We’re not in high school anymore, you know; touching me without my permission comes with actual repercussions now.” The look he was giving me could’ve cut diamonds, but then he looked away from me to stare down the road. I fumbled with my paws for a minute before he sullenly said, “The hell do you want with me, anyway? Didn’t you get some fancy football scholarship? It didn’t even occur to me you’d be here.”

“Whoa, whoa, hey there buddy —”

“We’re not buddies, jackass!” I reeled back at the retriever’s sudden shout. “You made my life a living nightmare for all of senior year! And for what? So you and your jock buddies could beat me up behind the bleachers after every game? Fuck you!” Nick tried to stand up, but his legs wobbled and he fell on his ass in the dirt, his whole body trembling.

“Okay, cool. You’re still pissed.” I sighed. “So look, you’re gonna die if we don’t get you in the cool air. Don’t hit me, or I’m gonna drop you.” I scooped the dog up in my arms, earning me an indignant squawk, but he didn’t struggle. He was feather light, and his body nestled between my arms made my heart flutter, and I felt like I was in my sophomore and junior years all over again, when we’d been friends. I’d pick him up and carry him around. He’d always hated that. I could still hear him laughing as he smacked me with whatever was close to paw. “Knox, come on! You don’t have to show off, I’m already impressed.”

No clue what that meant, but I’d deal with it… never. I pulled open the passenger side of my truck, yanking on it a couple times since the door stuck. Placing Nick down as gently as I could manage, I shut the door and trotted to the driver’s side to hop in. When I turned to look at Nick, I saw he was panting, desperately trying to cool off. I turned on the truck and cranked the A/C up as high as it would go before reaching into the back bench seat. Rummaging around, I found what I was looking for, and hauled two bottles of water out of the cooler I kept around in the summer. “Here, drink one of these. Slowly, little sips. It’ll help.”

Nick must’ve been out of it, because he didn’t argue at all. He just grabbed the bottle and twisted the cap before taking a couple of gulps. The labrador sighed and relaxed a little. “S-Sorry,” he breathed out. “Didn’t mean to blow up at you like that.”

My face flushed at the apology. “Hey, man, like… I get it. I’ve, uh, been waitin’ a long time to say this, man, but I’m really —”

“We need to go to my car,” he announced, cutting me off. My apology stuck in my throat and hardened into a lump that I tried to swallow down. “I have all my luggage in there. Just be careful, there’s a big-ass rock in the road.”

I blinked. “Shit, really? Usually, Gus patrols this stretch of road and keeps it clear. Oh, he’s a sheriff’s deputy now. You remember him? Gus Evanston?”

Nick laughed bitterly. “Yeah. He was defensive tackle too, right? He used to trip me in the lunchroom so that I’d spill my food. Truly one of the best and brightest; the force couldn’t ask for a more… adequate deputy.”

I flinched at his venomous tone. Damn, I just keep stepping in it, don’t I? “Um, well, let’s go get your stuff. You up the road here?”

“Just a piece — er, a bit! I was only walking for a touch more than an hour.”

I smiled to myself, happy to hear his twang coming back. Seems there’s still a country boy in there, after all. I put the truck in gear and headed up the highway.

Nick may be prickly now, I thought, but I’ll win him over. I know I hurt him, but I’ll show him I’ve changed! And then we can…

We can… what, exactly?

After all this time, what do I even want?

—

Nicholas

—

As I sipped the ice-cold bottle of water and luxuriated in the A/C, I slowly started feeling more like a real person. I turned my head slightly to look at Knox. He was almost like I remembered him, with the biceps that strained the cuffs of his rolled-up sleeves, which also highlighted his glossy black-and-orange striped fur. Some grease marks muddled the fur, but it really didn’t detract at all from his overall looks; in fact, I thought it added to it, those little imperfections. His chest still bulged against his shirt, just as it had back when we were sixteen, although his belly now stuck out further than it had back then. He’d definitely put on some weight, but that just made me want to snuggle up and —

Damn it, how are you HOTTER than in high school? You’re a walking red flag, and I just need to keep telling myself that. You’re no good for me, you… sleazebag! So, stop being nice to me. It’s, frankly, creepy as hell —

“Do I got somethin’ on my face?” Shit, Knox caught me staring at him. The tiger rubbed a meaty paw over his cheek, scrubbing at it. “Sorry. Working at the auto shop is kinda messy.”

“Nope! I, uh, nope, you got it! All good.” I babbled, praying to whatever god could hear me, that Knox didn’t notice that I’d been drooling over him. I turned to face forward again, and a silver shape caught my eye. “Oh! That’s me!”

Knox peered out at the convertible, nodding silently as we drove up. Once we got there, he made a surprisingly nimble u-turn and parked behind my poor car, and let out a low whistle. “Damn, Nick. You must be doin’ all right for yourself, yeah? Sweet ride.”

I felt my face flush. In Mavis, you were either into cars or going to the salon. It was the only trope I’d fallen into, and it thrilled me that my car impressed the great and mighty Knox, master of all things mechanical. “Uh, yeah. It’s pretty… pretty great.” I paused for a minute, not sure how to continue. The silence lingered like the smell of a dumpster the day before pickup, and when I couldn’t stand it anymore, I blurted out, “You still fixing up that classic car?”

The tiger winced, grimacing. “I done did. Had to give it to Katie in the divorce.”

A divorce? He’d been married and divorced already in the ten years since graduation? Damn. And he loved that car, was practically all he talked about back then. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to lose something that precious to you, and I told him as much.

Knox gave a rueful chuckle. “It’s all water under the bridge now. Been a couple years. I tell you what, though, I’d have just given her the car if I’d known she wanted it that bad. Maybe then she wouldn’t have left me…” The tiger stared out the windshield into the distance for a few moments, then shook himself. “You, um, wanna unlock your car?”

“Oh!” I cried, suddenly remembering that, of course, I had the keys. I fumbled for them in my pocket and sidled toward the door, getting ready to hop out.

Knox, apparently, was having none of that. He snatched the keys from me, then pointed at the in-dash thermometer. “Nick, it’s a hundred and three out there right now. You just got done having a literal meltdown. Park your ass, and let me grab your shit. In the trunk, or in the backseat?”

I grumbled, but did as I was told. I shot him a sour look to show my displeasure at being treated like I was fragile, but through my petulance, I said, “Both. There’s a duffel in the backseat, and a suitcase in the trunk.”

He nodded and hopped out of the truck, cursing a little as the boiling heat hit him. The first thing he did was to run up and inspect the wheel with the popped tire. I could see he was talking to himself, but obviously I couldn’t hear what he said, and try as I might, I couldn’t read his lips. Then he grabbed my belongings, placing them in the bed of his truck with surprising softness. When he jumped back up into the truck, the first thing he did was grab another pair of water bottles, handing one to me and sipping at the other.

“You good?” I asked, and I shocked myself to find that I actually cared if he was okay or not. Earlier today, he could’ve driven off a cliff, and I’d… maybe I wouldn’t have celebrated, but I wouldn’t have wasted much energy on mourning. But here he was, doing me a massive favor, and — wait, don’t mechanics charge fees for this kind of thing? Exactly how much is he billing me for this?

My brows knitted together as my eyes narrowed, and I opened my mouth to say something like, ‘This is too good to be true,’ or ‘What’re you getting out of this, you lousy so-and-so,’ but he spoke first.

“So at the very least, your tire is shot. The thing has a hole in it the size of a moon crater. I’m not sure about the wheel, but I can get it on a lift first thing in the morning and check it out. I’m about to text one of my guys at the shop to bring the tow truck out here and haul that pretty little thing back to town.” He pressed the cold, condensation-speckled bottle to the back of his neck and let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, and don’t worry about making an insurance claim or nothin’. This one’s on me.”

My eyebrow arched. “Nothing’s free. If you really mean that, I want it in writing before any work is done.”

“Really?” Knox rolled his eyes. “What happened to small-town trust?”

And that little quip really soured my mood. “I trusted you once, remember? And you remember how that ended up? No thanks. Hell, I’ll even pay for the repairs myself before I let you try to slip one by me, you lousy —”

Huh. Knox’s ears folded back, his whiskers drooped, and his tail wrapped around his waist. Picking at a claw, he almost sounded defeated when he spoke again. “I’ll… I’ll write something up when we get back to the shop. I really want to do this for you, Nick. Please, let me try to do at least one nice fuckin’ thing for you in my lifetime?”

And I just sat there, my mouth hanging wide open. I didn’t even know Knox was capable of contrition, but he seemed to be legitimately sorry. So, I shut my mouth and cleared my throat. “O-okay. Yeah, that’s… that’d be fine.”

With a small nod, he buckled himself in, and in moments, we were back on the highway heading to town. He dropped me off at my folks’ house, and insisted on carrying my bags to the door for me, even though I told him it was unnecessary. “I’ll let you know what I find out about your car, and um… I’ll write something up for you about the repairs. The letter you were talkin’ about.” he said meekly, not meeting my eyes.

A gusty sigh escaped my lips. I’d really been mean as hell to this man, and he’d been nothing but nice to me today. For some reason. I still didn’t know what his angle was, but when he started turning to go, I stopped him with a paw on his shoulder. “Look, man, don’t worry about the letter. Clearly, we got some shit to work out, but you look like I drank your last beer two days before payday, and I know I’ve been real mean.” I swallowed hard past the lump that rose in my throat. “You get one, count ‘em one, chance here. Do not fuck with me again. We’re adults now, and that will have consequences.”

And without waiting for a response from the speechless tiger, I hiked up my bags and walked into my parent’s house. God, explaining all this to Mom and Dad was gonna be so weird.

—

Knox

—

I felt light as a feather, walking away from Nick’s door. My head was in the clouds the entire way back to the shop, and once I got in, two things brought me crashing back down to Earth.

One, I couldn’t expense the repairs on Nick’s supremely expensive car to the shop. I was gonna have to pay it out of my own pocket.

Two, I… what was it again… aw, hell, I completely forgot the dang oil pan caps! Shit, Mrs. Wyrdmott! I dashed to the back office and dialed her number. It took a few rings, but she answered soon enough.

“Hello, Lennox, dear! How are you doing?”

I rolled my eyes and tried not to let the sass creep into my voice. “I thought we agreed on Knox, yeah? And wait, how did you know it was me?”

“Oh, little Lennox. I’m old! How can I be bothered to remember more than one name for a single man?”

“You do it for your granddaughter just fine,” I muttered. Two years ago, her grandson had come out as transgender, and Clarissa had immediately gone out with her to buy a whole new wardrobe. To say the old lady was obsessed was an understatement.

“Tabitha’s family, dear. She’s different,” Clarissa said archly, then dissolved into a fit of giggles. “And perhaps I love winding you up.”

I finally cracked a smile. “Okay, Clarissa. I do actually have some bad news for you.”

“Mmhmm?”

Gulping against my nerves, I said, “Yeah, so, there was an accident on the highway out of town —”

“Goodness! Is everyone all right? Were you injured at all? Oh, and… was it anyone we know?”

“Hah, yeah, everyone’s fine now, and no, I wasn’t hurt. But, er… do you remember Nick Southwell?”

She gasped. “No, little Nicky’s back in town? Whatever for? Oh, no, is he hurt?!”

I couldn’t seem to get comfortable in my seat all of a sudden. “He’s fine, ma’am. Said he’s here for the class reunion in a couple days. But look, Nick hit a rock in the road, and blew a tire. I picked him up and carried him back here, and in all the fuss I forgot to get your oil cap. It’s too late to drive today, so I’ll head out tomorrow morning and get your car fixed up, if that’s okay with you.”

“Oh, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky. I wonder if he still likes those lavender shortbreads — oh, I’ll bake some anyway. I assume he’s staying with Richard and Connie?”

It took me a moment to remember that those were Nick’s parents. “Oh! Uh, yeah. I dropped him there just before I came back to the shop.”

“Good! And did you get to talk with him at all, finally? I know you’d been hung up on that boy for years.”

“Well,” I hesitated, uncertain if what we’d done was really talking. “I talked. He mostly yelled at me and called me names.”

I could practically feel Clarissa nodding through the phone. “Understandable, dear. You spread his private business all over town. Have you at least taken responsibility for that little lapse in judgement?”

“Uh…”

“Good heavens, boy! You get your butt over here right after work, so I can smack you. Then, you’re going to meet up with him and say you’re sorry!” She made a tch! sound, and sighed into the phone. “Men, I swear. What good are you?”

I smiled sheepishly. “Hey, I’ll remember you said that next time you can’t open your jar of spicy pickles.”

Clarissa let out a squawk, and I cracked up, laughing so hard tears ran down my face. She always had a way of calming me down like nobody else. We chatted a little longer, then I hung up the phone and headed back into the shop to get some cars fixed up.

I left a lift open for Nick’s car and got it up in the air as soon as it arrived. Marcus, the young stoat fresh out of high school who Clarissa was creeping on, helped me get the wheel off, and inspect it for damage.

“Aw, man,” Marcus breathed. “What’d this guy hit?”

“His name is Nick Southwell, and he hit a rock coming into town.” I grimaced at the damage. The inside rim of the wheel was bent in on itself; there’d be no saving it. He’d need a whole new wheel, and that was gonna need to be delivered by courier, which could take weeks out here in the boonies. Maybe I could go pick it up in one of the bigger cities, and cart it back myself —

Marcus suddenly registered the name I’d given him. “Wait-wait-wait, do you mean the Nick Southwell? The infamous gay dude?”

I bristled at Nick being ‘infamous’. Biting out my words, they came out sharp and clipped… much sharper than I’d intended. “He’s a real person, not some kind of cryptid. And what were you, eight when that happened? How the hell do you even know about that? And why do you care?”

The wiry stoat threw his hands up in a placating gesture. “No, no, man, my entire grade was cool with it, don’t get me wrong. It’s the older set that still things LGBT folks are gross and bad. Hell, his story even got me to tell my friends that I was —” he cut off suddenly, staring me down and searching for… I dunno, something, in my eyes. He must’ve found it, because Marcus grabbed my shoulder and pulled me down to whisper in my ear. “I’m bi.”

I stood, blinking. If I had a nickel for every time someone came out to me, I’d have two nickels. It’s not a lot, but it’s kinda freaky that it happened twice. I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded. “Um, thank you. F-for trusting me with that. I promise, your secret’s safe with me.”

“I know,” he said matter-of-factly, which shocked me. Opening my mouth to contradict his opinion of me, he cut me off and said, “Just don’t go telling the entire town. That’d be a real dick move.” Grinning cheekily, he started disassembling the wheel hub to see if there was any other damage. I stared at him, stunned, and felt my ears tingle with the heat of shame again for what I’d done to Nick all those years ago. I really needed to talk to him again, and properly say how sorry I was…

The rest of the day flew by, and five o’clock hit right as my crew was flagging. Poor Marcus looked like a zombie, shambling around the office in search of the coffee pods. I left the assistant manager in charge of closing up and hustled off to Mrs. Wyrdmott’s house. After knocking on the door three times, I was prepared to wait, but it opened almost instantly. “You’re just in time,” the wrinkled hare announced in a light, sing-song voice. “We’re making cookies!”

“What? Oh, no, you’re making cookies. You can’t expect me to bake, I’m a mechanic. You —”

But she grabbed me by the lapels, and with surprising strength, hauled me through the door. “Nuh-uh, buster. No excuses. You’re making cookies, and you’ll learn today.” Nudging the door shut with her foot, she quipped, “Oh, and I hope you’re not wearing that to see Nicky…”

—

Nick

—

Other than hitting a big-ass rock, getting heatstroke, and being rescued by my real-life villain, I supposed the day had been pretty uneventful. Mom and Dad had said they’d be out at the lake for a couple of days after I got there, which suited me just fine, and so I set myself up in my old room. My folks weren’t the ‘leave everything as it was, preserve it as a time capsule’ people, and I loved them for that. They’d converted my room into a guest room; Mom must’ve picked the colors, because they’d painted the walls a lovely shade of robin’s egg blue with white accents, and the room came complete with mini-fridge, desk, cellphone chargers, and a brand-new queen size memory foam mattress. I hung my clothes in the closet, which was the only thing that hadn’t changed, placed my shoes on the shoe rack by the door, and immediately went to get a towel so I could shower.

As I let the warm water sluice over my body, carrying away the sweat and grime, I thought about Knox. I had so many questions, like why he’s trying to be nice to me, why he’s acting protective of me, or why he thought anything he could do would make a difference, this far gone from high school.

The problem was that to get the answers to those questions, I needed to actually talk to the man, and I couldn’t stand him. I hated him for what he did to me. He destroyed my reputation. I just… hate him!

Do you? The voice of reason said.

Of course I hate him! I have every right to be pissed as hell for what he did.

You did, once upon a time. But does it still feel like hatred? When you woke up this morning, did you still hate him?

Huh. I guess I didn’t hate him when I woke up. I didn’t even think about him till he showed up to…

To rescue me.

Shit, I’ve been an unbelievable dick, haven’t I?

I couldn’t even call him, because I didn’t get his cell phone number. Well, he said he’d be working on my car, so I’d definitely see him again. I finished washing, turned off the shower, and dried off.

Pulling on a loose-fitting pair of gym shorts, I moseyed back down to the kitchen, helping myself to some cold cuts and the weird “high fiber” bread that Mom made Dad eat. ‘It’s good for his colon!’ Yeah, and the less time I spend talking about Dad’s colon, the better! Oh well, I thought, digging through the crisper for some lettuce. It’s honestly not that bad. I guess.

Sandwiches eaten and consumed, I wandered around aimlessly. I could’ve walked into town, but then if Knox stopped by I wouldn’t be able to talk to him, and so it was really for my conscience that I stayed home. Definitely not because I wanted to see his perfectly muscled arms again… don’t judge me! I had eyes in my head; the man was six-foot-four of freaking beefcake. I can be mad at him and still think he’s hot.

I’d thought… I’d thought he was interested, way back then. I mean, I’d clearly been wrong, but he used to pull my chair out for me during our study sessions, and he always sat just close enough that our knees touched. He literally carried me like a princess in his arms all the time. And once, I mentioned it was gonna be cold walking home from class, and he’d taken off his hoodie right in the middle of the hall to give it to me so I wouldn’t be cold. For the next three days, he’d come to school with the sniffles, and when I tried to apologize, he just gave me that cocky grin and said, “Hey, no worries, bro. For you, I’d do it again.”

Okay, so the logical part of my brain realized, now, that this had been a flimsy basis to start a relationship on. But we’d been best friends all of sophomore and junior year! And it’s not like there were any ‘gay mentors’ I could ask about this kind of thing. This town’s only had one gay person in its entire history, and it’s me. Deciding a nap was in order, I plunked my ass down on the sofa in the living room, kicked back, and zonked out.

I have no idea how long I slept for, or if I even did. My brain kept playing out ‘what if’ scenarios in my head, and most of them involved Knox. What if he’d kept his big mouth shut, what if I’d never met him, what if I hadn’t told him in the first place… what if he’d said ‘yes’ and gone to prom with me? Even as just a friend, it would’ve made more sense than bullying me for most of senior year. The only common denominator was that all of my thoughts seemed to revolve around my former friend. I slammed my face into a pillow and let out a wail, and I wasn’t sure if I was mad, depressed, or some mixture of the two. All I know is that when the doorbell rang, the sun was just beginning to set; beautiful pinks and oranges cast a magical glow through the windows.

Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I plodded to the door and opened it wide. “Hello — Knox? What’re you doing here?”

The tiger had a few streaks of flour on his stripy face (odd), but otherwise, he looked surprisingly nice. Pastel yellow polo shirt, khakis, and clean, new sneakers. On closer inspection, it seemed like the khakis were a bit too short, exposing his ankle, and the shirt was somehow too loose for the massive man. He held his paws behind his back, and was practically vibrating with nervous energy, although his eyes betrayed his exhaustion. Still, he smiled widely, looking down and away somewhere on the porch.

“Hey, Nick,” he said, finally schooling his expression and meeting my eyes. “I just wanted to come by and say, I’m really, really sorry for —”

“Stop.” He looked so sad, his whiskers drooping and ears folding flat against his head. I punched him in the shoulder and gave a tentative chuckle. “Don’t look at me like that, man. Against my better judgement, I’ll hear you out, but let’s do that inside, y’know?” I stepped aside and motioned for him to follow. “You can come in.”

His eyes went wide, and I watched him take a step across the threshold like it was going to bite him. Okay, so this was kinda cute. I shut and locked the door, then headed back to the couch, quickly picking up pillows that had fallen during my maybe-nap. Guess I must’ve gotten a little sleep after all.

I sat on one end of the sofa, and he took the other, producing a container that had to be from the eighties and setting it on his lap. With a sigh, I mentally braced myself for whatever he was about to say, and then, to help things get started, I said, “Okay, so, this is more comfy, right? Now, what did you want to tell me?”

His tail twitched and quivered behind him, and I could see his fur dampen with sweat on his forehead. “Uh, well… first, these are for you.” He held out the container to me, “As kind of a peace offering. They’re lavender shortbreads; Mrs. Wyrdmott said that they were your favorite? I really hope she’s right, I don’t know how to bake anything else.”

I gave a little gasp and snatched the plastic box from him. Opening it up, the delicate scent of lavender and sweet sugar and vanilla rose to greet me. They looked almost perfect — a good many of them were misshapen or lumpy. I almost questioned Clarissa’s baking prowess, but then something he’d just said gave me pause. “You don’t know how to bake anything else… wait. You baked these?”

“Uh-huh. S’why they’re kinda weird looking, but she said they’d be more, like, special, or something if I made them for you, I dunno.” He rubbed a paw through the fur on the back of his neck and started bouncing his foot up and down. “They’re probably not any good, but yeah, I… I tried.”

Well, we’d see about that. I pulled out one of the lumpy cookies and took a bite. The light floral flavor danced across my tongue, and the sweetness was just perfect as it brought forward the vanilla. The texture was absolutely divine, too, melting away in my mouth with hardly a chance to chew. I couldn’t help but let out a moan as my eyes fluttered shut. “Wow, Knox, these are delicious! Here, you have to try one.” I fished another cookie out and held it out to him.

“Oh, no-no-no, I couldn’t. I made those for you to enjoy.” Still, the tiger was eyeing the dessert in my paw with an undeniable hunger.

I raised an eyebrow at him. “You sayin’ that because you think you’ll take something away from me if you say yes? Or are you saying it because you’d feel guilty sharing my apology cookies? Because neither are true.”

He blinked once, twice, then let out a hearty laugh. “Okay, uh, so maybe it’s both? Sorry, you know this city. Gotta play by the rules.”

“Apparently, I just break ‘em by existing. I want you to have this cookie. You worked hard on these, and I want you to know what they taste like. And honestly?” I waved the confection under his nose. “These are just as good as Mrs. Wyrdmott’s. Seriously, you’ve got to have one.”

His eyebrows shot up. “As good as — huh. That’s a high bar to clear. You know she’s the only reason anyone goes to the bake sales around here.” Knox took the proffered pastry and sniffed it gingerly, then took a bite. He grunted in surprised satisfaction and spoke around a mouthful of cookie. “Ow my gawb.” Then he swallowed and grinned at me. “Those are freaking delicious! I can’t believe I made those.”

That grin was infectious, I had to admit, and I smiled back. “You did a good job, bud.” We both froze. I hadn’t called him bud since the day after he’d outed me. Not since we’d been friends… I let out a weak laugh. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean to — I mean, it’s not — ugh. Just pretend I didn’t say that. I know we’re not friends anymore, I promise. I just slipped up.”

Instead of making him look at ease, instead he looked dejected. He cleared his throat, and said, “I, uh… I actually didn’t mind it…” I blinked in surprise, and before I could think of something to say, he continued, “But! I know there’s stuff we gotta talk about first, so here I go.”

Knox took a deep breath and blew it out through his nose before speaking. “So, I know that outing you was a pathetic, awful thing to do. It wasn’t my story to tell. Just, that day when you came out to me, I was so confused. I was feeling a lot of things, and I couldn’t deal because, man, we were just kids back then. So I ran home, and I sat on it for a while till my mom asked what was wrong, and I just… blurted it out to her. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I swear I’d take it back. If I’d known she was gonna start calling the phone tree, I wouldn’t have —”

“Stop.” I held up my hand, my breathing fast and shallow, and a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Stop. Are you telling me that all this time, you only told one person?” Knox opened his mouth, but I cut him off. “Yes or no answers, Knox. This is important.

“Well, er… yes? But it was still my fault that —”

“Shut up!” I roared, causing the tiger to flinch. “And you just let them all pin the whole thing on you? Why?!”

“B-because, like I was going to say, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have told her.”

I leveled a sharp look at him, the kind I used when I was cross-examining witnesses. “So how many people did you, yourself, tell that I was gay?”

He blinked rapidly a few times. “Well, I guess, technically, only one?”

I sank back down into the couch — I hadn’t even realized I was standing. “You massive idiot.” Jumping back to my feet, startling Knox, I paced over to the liquor cabinet. “I need whiskey. You want a whiskey?”

—

Knox

—

“I need whiskey. You want a whiskey?” I watched him walk over to a cabinet full of bottles of amber and clear liquid. Nick sashayed when he walked, his petite hips swaying in rhythm to his steps. I heard him clear his throat, and say, “Hey, my eyes are up here.”

I snapped my eyes up to meet his gaze and saw mischief twinkling there. “Oh! Uh, s-sorry. Didn’t mean to stare. You, um, you walk funny.”

He grimaced, and I felt panic flood my stomach. “N-no! I didn’t mean that, you just walk a particular way, and it’s kinda noticeable and…” I buried my face in my hands. “Fuck me. Make mine a double.”

Nick chuckled, satisfied with that. He pulled out two rocks glasses and filled them both with whiskey. He brought them back, handing one to me. I gratefully took it and drank mine in a single gulp. The resulting burn was unlike anything I’d ever experienced in my life, and I sputtered and gasped in an attempt to quell the burn of the hellfire I’d just swallowed. When I finished coughing and heaving like a dry fish, I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked at Nick. He’d raised one eyebrow and was giving me a shit-eating grin. “What the hell was that?” I said, a hint of a growl sneaking into my voice.

“That was a 25-year-old scotch.” He smirked and took a sip. “I bought it for my Dad as a Christmas present last year, but he never drinks it. Says it’s too fancy.”

“Yeah. Fancy.” I muttered, setting my glass down on the table. Everything swayed a little, and I swayed with it. “Whoa. What proof is that?”

“180,” he said nonchalantly, and took a sip of his whiskey. “It’s definitely meant for sipping.” He looked like he was thinking for a moment, then leaned over the couch and held his glass out to me. “Here. I’m sorry, I should’ve warned you. I, well… I guess I thought it would be funny. Try a couple sips of mine, and if you like it, I’ll get you another glass.”

I side-eyed the cut crystal glass. “You sure? This fancy stuff’d be wasted on me.”

Nick just swirled the glass around some more. “You never know till you try it!”

Gingerly, I took the glass and lifted it to my lips, pulling in a small sip of the liquor. Then I swallowed, giving an appreciative grunt. “That’s actually not bad. Tastes like oak and vanilla, I think?”

Nick’s eyes brightened, and he smiled widely, giving an enthusiastic nod. “Yeah! I’m impressed; Dad didn’t like it ‘cause all he tasted was the burn. Would you like another glass?”

“Sure, thanks. Might make this next bit easier.” Nick went and refilled my glass, and I took another sip. It really was tasty stuff. “Hoo… okay. So, what difference does it make who told who that you were gay? It was still my fault to begin with.”

Nick stared at me for a full minute, his expression entirely unreadable. Then he sighed and slugged back the rest of his scotch. The only sign he had done so was the light grimace on his face. Twerp.

“Well,” he said, “It’s a matter of who to be angry at. I’ve been so, so mad at you, for a decade now, and not just for outing me. You were my best friend, Knox, and —” Nick looked away quickly, but I didn’t miss how his eyes had gone glassy or how his voice started trembling. “Knox, it hurt, okay? And I don’t mean physically, either. You really fucked me up. And when I saw you this afternoon, I thought, ‘Damn I must be cursed’. Could’ve sworn you’d’ve got out of town to play football, not stick around this ghost town. But through it all, I just assumed that what I was told was accurate, because you never disputed it.”

Nick stopped talking long enough to go pour himself a shot of something clear, down it, and bring the bottle to the coffee table before sitting back down. “That’s vodka. The cheap stuff. Good for getting shitfaced.” He scrubbed his face with his free paw, continuing, “Ugh. What I’m trying to get at here is that I’ve got a conundrum. On the one hand, I could be mad at you for being the reason I got outed to the whole town overnight. But! On the other, I just have a confused kid who didn’t know how to handle a confession like that, and told the one adult he should’ve been able to trust.”

He shifted closer to me to grab the vodka and pour himself another shot, though he didn’t drink it right away. Frankly, I was getting a little worried. “Hey, uh, Nick? You’re goin’ through that stuff awful fast; it’s only been like, what, ten minutes? You might wanna slow down.”

“Thirty minutes. And why? You’ve been in my house before; you know I just gotta make it down the hall and the second door on the left. Not like I need to drive. Besides, you’ve never seen me drink. It takes a lot to get me drunk. Like, a hell of a lot.” He downed his second shot in five minutes, then set his glass down. He was staring at the floor instead of looking at me like he had been. Then, out of nowhere, he blurted out, “Why did you bully me back in high school?”

I swirled the remaining shot-and-a-half of whiskey in my glass, watching the amber liquid swirl around. Then I downed it, coughing less this time, and poured myself some of the vodka, and downed that too. The room swayed, and I felt warm under my shirt as my muscles relaxed. I wonder if he’d mind if I took it off. He’s not wearing one… Then I realized I hadn’t actually answered his question. “Well, I know it’s a total cop-out, but… everyone else was doing it. It was survival. If I hadn’t done it, people would’ve thought I was gay too, and that would’ve been a nightmare for me. My reputation would’ve tanked, I might’ve lost my scholarship, my place on the football team, my Mom’s part of my tuition…” I heaved a gusty sigh. “I’m so, so fuckin’ sorry for that, dude. Can’t say it enough.” Then, my voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. “I’m… sorry.” I said it with a fervor I’d never used before in my life, not even when I said “I do” to Katie. And all I could do was pray he saw the sincerity in my eyes and heard it in my voice.

—

Nick

—

Was Knox… crying? Shit.

Well, okay, he wasn’t like, sobbing or anything. But he definitely had a tear rolling down his cheek from his squinted-up eye, and he was shaking. I supposed that meant he was contrite again, and that meant I had the chance to be the bigger man. Metaphorically, anyway, because even sitting, he was twice my size, maybe more. And it hurt me to see such a big, strong man crying in front of me.

I set my glass down and dithered for a moment, wondering what to do. Then he sniffled, and I felt my eyes stinging as well. Handing him a tissue (and surreptitiously taking one for myself), I let out a big breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding. “Knox,” I said, “it’ll be okay. I forgive you.”

The tiger’s glistening eyes went wide, and his mouth dropped open a bit. “R-Really? Just like that? You forgive me?”

I raised a paw. “Now, hold on. I said I forgive you. I don’t trust you; not yet. But…” I couldn’t tell you why, but I scooted closer to him so I could place my hand on Knox’s knee. Was it my imagination, or did he shiver at my touch? Must be the alcohol. And it is kinda chilly in here. Shit, I stopped mid-sentence! “Uh, but! But, I will give you a chance — one chance — to earn that trust back. So, y’know, don’t go broadcasting my secrets to the town again, and — whoa there!”

He suddenly swept me up into a bone-crushing embrace. And now Knox was full-on sobbing. He must’ve been drunker than I thought, I guess. But he squeezed me and kept saying “I’m sorry” over and over again while I did my best to breathe and make comforting shush-shush sounds. Eventually, his arms relaxed, but they didn’t let me go. It came as a shock when I felt him nuzzle his head in the top of my own — a comfort gesture he hadn’t done with me since junior year, when his dad died. I felt the gentle drip of tears onto me as they rolled off his cheeks, and then…

Oh my God, the man was purring.

The deep rumble in his chest hit me first, before I even heard it, and I couldn’t keep myself back anymore. I nestled against him, feeling his warm body against my cold one — shit, I never put a shirt on, did I? — and resting my head against Knox’s bricklike chest. I could smell the rose-scented shampoo he’d used, and beneath that was his scent, of leather and musk and a hint of gasoline. We sat there in silence for a while, before the tiger came out with a whisper made gravelly by his continued purring.

“I missed my friend. I missed you, Nick,” he slurred, rubbing his head against the top of mine again. “This shit’s been on my mind for ten fuckin’ years, and I missed you. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, didn’t think I’d ever get to tell you I was so, so wrong. D’you really, really forgive me?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, man. Bud. I forgive you. Like I said, I don’t really trust you, but I forgive you. At least we can work on it now, yeah?” I don’t know whether I was drunker than I thought, or what possessed me, but I tilted my head up and pressed a chaste peck on Knox’s cheek. I immediately regretted it. Shit, he’s straight! And the son of the biggest homophobe in town! What the hell am I doing?! “Uh, uh… S-shit,” I stammered, “I’m so sorry, Knox, I don’t know what came over me. Can we just forget — mmph!”

Knox moved his massive paws to either side of my head and planted a hard, crushing kiss on my lips. He tasted like alcohol, and spice, and the sweet vanilla of the cookies he’d made for me. I froze, completely uncertain of what I should do, before I surrendered and melted into his kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck.

It was both the hottest and the most confusing thing that had ever happened to me.

We lingered like that for a minute or so. Then Knox pulled back, pressing his fingers to his lips. “Wow” he breathed.

I let out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah. Wow.”

“That was —” and that’s all he got out before his whole body heaved, and he clapped a paw to his mouth.

“Oh shi- bathroom, bathroom!” I cried, panicking.

Alas, it was too late.

The straight boy who just kissed me barfed all over himself, the rug, and me, then passed out, his head leaning heavily on my shoulder.

I sat in stunned silence, unable to move, unable to think. Then, I sighed, and started doing the only thing I could.

“C’mon, bud. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

—

To Be Continued…

—

—

Knox

—

I jolted awake, sitting bolt upright and knocking the knit blanket that someone draped over me to the floor. Three thoughts hit me in rapid succession, along with the ghost of sensation; warm breath on my cheek, a tingle in my lips. I forced those feelings aside before I had to examine them too closely, and I took stock of the more immediate situation at hand.

One: I was sleeping on Nick’s couch in nothing but my boxers. Why?

Two: I had only a hazy memory of what happened last night. What the…?

Three: I shouldn’t have sat up that fast. *Whurg*

The hangover hit me like a semi truck hitting a cantaloupe. My head pounded, my mouth filled with the sour flavor of bile, and the room spun around me. With a moan, I shut my lids and lowered myself back down to the couch, desperately fighting to keep my churning stomach from fully rebelling.

“Knox? You good there?”

I cracked open one eye, and Nick’s blurry shape swam into view. At least I wasn’t the only one underdressed; Nick was wearing nothing but a pair of tight black briefs. Another flash of memory hit me — Nick in a pair of loose black gym shorts, easing me down onto the couch, his lean muscle bunching as he heaved my heavy body into a more comfortable position. His touch was gentle, almost like a caress, and I’d… Nope. Nope, nope, nope! I shoved that bizarrely intimate thought aside, and with a groan, I flopped an arm over my face. My tongue was all thick and fuzzy, and my articulation culminated in something that was more of a sound instead of a word.

“Muh.”

Nick chuckled softly, almost fondly, and that made my stomach twist in a whole different way. Heat filled my body, so hot I would’ve believed it if I’d started steaming in the state of near-refrigeration in the room. And then I started sweating buckets. What the hell is wrong with me now? I didn’t have much time to dwell on it, though, because the retriever grabbed my wrist and pressed a cold plastic bottle into my paw. “Here ya go, man, drink this. You seem like you’re having a rough time of it. But yeah, I left and got some sports drinks from the gas station earlier.” A moment of hesitation. “You, uh, you do still like blue, right?”

Things had settled a bit, and I knew the headache wouldn’t be getting better until I put some fluids into me, so I sat up again — real, real slow this time — and looked down at the drink Nick had given me. I cracked the top, taking a long pull from it, and instantly a shiver of relief washed over my body. I raised the bottle to Nick in salute. “Thanks for this. And yeah, you’re almost right. I don’t just like blue, it’s my favorite.”

The shy smile Nick ducked his head to hide confused me, but I didn’t have the brainpower to spend contemplating why. He rallied quickly, though, and hooked a thumb at the kitchen behind him. “I’ll get breakfast started. Figured you could use something to eat after…” Now he blushed, folding his ears back to hide the darkening insides. What was up with him? “… After everything last night.” Nick wouldn’t meet my gaze anymore, and he turned stiffly as he walked to the kitchen. Calling over his shoulder, he said, “If you’re up to it, you can sit at the table while I cook. I have more of those drinks in the fridge, too.”

Numbly, I padded over to the table that the Southwells had placed in the eat-in kitchen. It looked startlingly familiar, and I traced a claw over the deep scratches that had worn in over the years. “Is this the same table your family had back when we were kids?”

“Oh, yeah, sure is,” Nick replied absently. He’d placed a pan on the stove and started retrieving a pack of bacon from the fridge. I heard him start humming something as he placed down six strips that sizzled when they touched the hot pan, and his tail wagged slowly behind him. Then, for some reason I still can’t explain, my gaze drifted to his butt.

I’d never believed a guy had a nice ass before, but damn, Nick filled out his briefs perfectly. Two round, pert orbs that were a tantalizing size; more than enough to make you sit up and take notice, but something that Nick had easily concealed beneath the loose pants he’d worn the last couple of times I saw him. My fingers twitched, and I had a wild and crazy urge to walk up behind him and grab a couple handfuls of —

What the ever-living FUCK?!

I wrenched my gaze downward. My heart was pounding a mile a minute, and I broke out in a cold sweat. I must have been breathing hard, too, because Nick turned away from the bacon to fix me with a concerned stare. “Hey, you okay, man? Need to lie down again?” His eyes flicked down to the empty bottle in my paw. “Oh, yeah, you’re empty. Let me get you another.”

A few moments later, I had a fresh bottle in my hand, the empty was in the recycling can, and my heart had finally calmed down. After frying up some eggs and making buttered toast, we had breakfast, too. “This’ll help with the hangover. I tried to make the eggs runny, but I uh… well, I kinda suck at that, so they might be a little firm.”

A warmth spread through my chest. Nick was being so nice to me today, taking care of me… I didn’t trust it. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to simply sit back and enjoy having my friend again, but…

“Mngh!” My head suddenly throbbed and my vision swam. Nick moved to get up, but I raised a paw to stop him. “M’fine… it’s my head. Thanks for breakfast, Nick.” I picked up a strip of bacon and took a bite. Just the right mix of chewy and crisp, and the fatty, salty bite made me shiver a little. “The bacon’s pretty okay.” Okay? It’s perfection on a plate, you asshole! Give him a damn compliment!

I did not, in fact, give him a compliment. Instead, I asked, “So, uh… why are you being so nice to me? Don’t you still hate my guts?”

Nick raised an eyebrow at that, cocking his head to the side so that his ears flopped over. _Adorable. _“Didn’t we talk about all that last night? Besides, even I’m not mean enough to get someone drunk and abandon them to the walk of shame. Oh! Your clothes are in the dryer, by the way.”

And that explained… absolutely nothing. I crunched on another piece of bacon as I sighed. “Walk of shame…?” What did I have to be ashamed of? Did I do something? “Dude, I _barely _remember last night. I remember drinking like, two doubles of that scotch, and a shot of vodka. I, uh… kind of said sorry a lot, I guess? And I got super nervous, waiting for your reply, and it’s all kinda… blank.”

Nick froze, his back going ram-rod straight. “You don’t… you don’t remember that you…” He palmed his face as his shoulders started shaking. I thought he’d started crying at first, and well, I guess he kind of was. But a fit of laughter soon accompanied the tears, loud, and a little unhinged. “Of _course _you don’t. Guess it really was the alcohol talking.”

“What did I do this time? Shit, did I say something mean to you? I’m sor-”

The dog across from me rolled his eyes. “Oh my God, Knox, stop apologizing so much. You didn’t do anything bad, just… confusing, I guess.” Nick polished off his last bite of toast and egg, dusted off his paws, and fixed me with a gaze that would’ve been comforting if he hadn’t looked so damn sad.

“You said your apology, and I forgave you, Knox. I still mean it, too. You get one more chance to show me you can be my friend. I don’t entirely _trust _you, not yet, but I’ll give you time to work on it. You’ve got the entire month, anyway; I had a lot of vacation time saved up. And you, um…” Now he blushed again, and he kept sliding his gaze away from mine. “You… hugged me. And we like, cuddled, a little? You did that thing where you rub your head on the top of mine, and you started purring. It was, ah… sweet. So, yeah, legitimately thanks for that.”

Another memory clicked into place. Nick’s palms pressed against my chest, my heart thumping so hard I was stunned he didn’t feel it. He was close. So close that my snout was drowning in nothing but peaches and cinnamon. His muzzle tilted up towards mine, and something was important about that angle, but as suddenly as it came, the memory was slipping away again, leaving me with only a vague sense of longing and a heat that rose deep in my belly, something impossible to easily ignore or explain away.

My face flushed with heat, too. “Um, you’re welcome, I guess? Heh… But you haven’t explained how I lost my clothes yet.”

“Oh, that’s — well, after we cuddled, you…” Now Nick was squirming in his seat, chewing on a claw, and his chin dipped down as he slanted his body away from me. “Y-you ki-” Nick cleared his throat loudly and shook his head a little. “You, uh… threw up on us. A-and the rug. And then you passed out. But nothing else happened.”

Nick was hiding something from me. It was easy to tell — he wasn’t slick; he’d almost said it, but right now I supposed I had more important fish to fry. The curiosity over what he wasn’t saying paled compared to the more immediate flush of shame that pumped through my veins. “Oh, dude, I’m so sorry. I haven’t been that drunk in a really long time, and I should’ve been in better control.” A brief memory from last night resurfaced, and I blinked a few times as I let it click into my brain. “Oh! I remember you saying you had a really high tolerance for alcohol. Thought you were pullin’ my leg, but you really do, don’t you?”

Nick blanched, but rallied so quickly I’d have believed I was imagining things if not for the obviously shaky smile he wore. “Oh, that’s uh, good. And you don’t remember anything else… right?” His pink tongue flicked out to wet his warm, soft lips, and as I watched it happen, the last of my memories of last night finally slotted into place.

The press of Nick’s slender body against mine, the way he held me while I cried, and the way he seemed to still fit in my arms after all this time. He gave me an innocent kiss on the cheek, nothing behind it, no ulterior motives, and…

And it set me on fire. He cared. After all the pain I’d caused him, my best friend was still in there somewhere, and he still _cared. And I didn’t know what to do with all these feelings that came flooding back, back like the day he’d asked me to homecoming. So, I froze, and that made him panic and start apologizing like he’d been the one who hurt me. I didn’t want to let him be the one apologizing, not when I was the one at fault. I needed to show Nick that he hadn’t hurt me, hadn’t done anything wrong, that he’d always been the best of us. Everything went hot and hazy, and my head was spinning. The words wouldn’t come, and he started pulling away. I couldn’t let that happen, couldn’t let him get away when I’d only just got him back, so I did the only thing that came to mind, and I…_

Holy fucking shit. I’d kissed Nick Southwell. And — God almighty above — He’d kissed me back. The memory burned so bright it almost… no, it _definitely _hurt, setting a fire in me I didn’t have the slightest idea how to douse.

And the thing that had me tied up in knots was how right it had been. I’d kissed some… well, a lot of girls, and it had always been kinda… well, it was okay. I’d just assumed I wasn’t into kissing. But then again, no kiss had ever set off fireworks in my brain or caused my heart to stutter like the one that Nick and I shared last night.

And that freaked me the hell out. I couldn’t deal with these weird emotions. And… what if I didn’t have to? Nick seemed to realize it was a mistake, too. Otherwise, he’d have said something about it… right?

I shot up from the table, leaving behind my mostly finished plate of food, and started backing away. Nick’s eyebrows knit together, but when he stood, it was with an abundance of caution, worry etched into his finely sculpted features. “Knox,” he said in a low whisper, “What’s going on?”

“N-nothing!” I yelped, my face heating so hard it went all puffy and tingly. “I, uh, just remembered I need to get to the shop. Clothes are in the dryer, yeah?”

“It’s Sunday. Most the whole town’s closed on Sundays.” Nick’s hand reached out toward my arm, trembling, like he was trying to tell if he was allowed to touch me or not. Hell, I didn’t couldn’t tell if he was allowed to touch me or not; my bicep twitched, already practically feeling his warm hands, his tender caress, and I shivered. But he lowered it quickly and let out a gusty sigh. Nick stared down at the floor beneath his feet as he shrugged. “Yeah, they should be dry by now. Do you want me to get them for you, or —”

“Naw, I’ll get ‘em. It’s down the hall, right?” The words rushed out a little too quickly as I hustled off to the laundry room. It was basically the same as when we’d been kids; pocket door, country floral wallpaper that was faded with time, linoleum floor. The washer and dryer were different, though — brand new, all sleek gray plastic and stainless steel. I pulled my still-warm clothes out of the dryer, and the nostalgic scent of the peony-scented fabric softener the Southwells always used flooded my nose. It grounded me momentarily, pulling me back to a simpler time when I used to stay at Nick’s place so frequently his mom joked I was the second son she never knew she wanted.

God, I really messed things up, didn’t I?

Then I realized I’d been standing around Nick’s laundry room in my boxers like a dumbass, and I hurriedly pulled on my clothes. I absently noted that he’d got the bottoms of my socks completely white again, and I considered asking him how he’d done it, but if I did that I’d have to talk to him again, and that thought sent cold shivers down my spine. Definitely some other time, I told myself, and I for the life of me, I didn’t know how to tell if I was lying or not.

Dressed, I ambled back out to the kitchen, where I saw Nick sitting at the breakfast table, his face buried in his hands. He was muttering to himself so quietly, I almost didn’t pick it up, even with my excellent hearing. Shit, is he okay? Did I really freak him out that much? Oh, hell, I’m ruining my chance to be close to him already, aren’t I… what am I doing to this man?!

_ _

Well, I had to do something. I took a step forward, unsure of what I wanted to — no, _needed _to — say, and planted my foot right on the loud, creaky floorboard that had been there as long as I’d remembered. We’d both been so keyed up that we jumped, leaving my heart racing — I’d completely forgotten about that damn board — and stared at each other in terror for a solid three or four seconds. Then, the tension between us eased somewhat, and we both dissolved into laughter.

“Oh… oh man, Knox, your tail is super-poofed right now!”

I wiped away a tear from my eye. “And you look like I just slapped you!” I struggled to get my breathing under control. We laughed together for a few minutes before I sobered enough to have the more serious conversation we needed. I sat at the table next to Nick and hovered my hand over his, trying to decide whether I should put mine on top of his, or quietly lace our fingers together and — What the fuck is with me today? I put my paw to the back of my neck to scratch at it instead. “Uh, hey, so, about last night —”

“Don’t worry about it.” Nick interrupted me. “You, um, you remembered… something, right?” I nodded slowly, my mouth suddenly dry. Nick drummed his fingers on the table. “Yeah, so, things definitely got a little, uh, weird. I’ll forget the… weird parts, if you will. Deal?”

I nodded again dumbly, and my voice came out choked and gravelly when I replied. “U-uh, yeah. Deal.”

We made awkward small talk after that for a while. He’d said something about a crazy case, some client he’d defended whose work was lying about how he got injured. I countered with the most bizarre object I’d pulled out of a tailpipe; someone had melted a sex toy into the exhaust of their car (we both laughed at that one). Pointless stuff, really, but friendly. Thing was that the whole time, I was barely conscious of the words I said. After a few more brief anecdotes, I fell silent and let him do all the talking, nodding along as my body grew cold and numb. Nick’s lips moved, and words came out, but instead of listening, the only thought in my mind was their soft, satiny press as mine roughly crashed against his.

I tried thinking of anything else. More cars, baseball, Mrs. Wyrdmott, anything. Hell, I even tried my ex-wife, Katie. No distraction worked for more than a few moments before that kiss with Nick somehow slipped into my mind again. And again, and again.

I stood suddenly, my chair scraping against the hardwood floor. “I, uh, think I should go, Nick.” My voice was harsh, so sharp it could cut glass, and for a moment I was afraid Nick would hear the turmoil inside the sudden declaration. Nick blinked, surprised, and I had to turn away before he saw what was going through my head written in large, plain letters all over my face. His golden ears sagged, and I saw him worrying at a claw again as he tried to make sense of my ridiculous reaction. _Fuck. I think made him self-conscious. That’s… unintentional. Damn, what to do… _“Oh!” I exclaimed, making Nick jump and snap his eyes back to me. “Here! Give me your phone.”

Nick put a possessive paw over his device, glaring at me mistrustfully, and I sighed. “I’m not gonna do anything, uh… weird! I just want to give you my phone number. So we can, like, text, or whatever.” Turning my face to the side and crossing my arms, I tried and failed not to pout a little. When I finally spoke, my voice came out way sulkier than I intended. “It’s fine, I get it, you don’t trust me. I only wanted to —”

Something nudged against my elbow, and I turned to see what it was. Nick was holding out his phone, and… _Is he blushing? _I saw the red tinge through the short fur on his muzzle and high on his sculpted cheekbones. “Just… don’t go snooping around, y’hear?”

Cute, _said my traitor brain. _No, shut up! He’s a guy! We don’t think guys are ‘cute’!

I took Nick’s phone, which he’d already unlocked for me, and tapped in my number. When I handed it back to him, his fingers brushed against mine, and the brief touch send a jolt of electricity straight up my spine. I wrestled with an overwhelming desire to ask for him to touch me again. There’s no way that little intrusive thought needed to win. Unfortunately, I didn’t win the battle completely, and the words bubbled up out of me as I blurted out, “Whoa, hey there, soft paws!”

Okay, now he snatched his hand back, and he cringed. Nick did the most adorable (watch it, you!) wiggle as he squirmed in his seat. “I-I moisturize.” He shook his head vigorously before meeting my eyes with a pleading expression. “Weren’t you… going somewhere?”

“Not really, I… Oh! T-the shop. Right.” I wanted to get as far away from Nick — no, from this whole situation — as possible, but simultaneously wanted to pick him up, set him in my lap on the couch, and wrap my arms around him until he stopped trembling. And God, he _was _trembling, his paws balled up in his lap. Was he cold, sitting there in nothing but those tiny briefs? Or was he really that pissed at me? God, I really couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Those ten years apart had really separated us; I used to be able to read him like a book, but now it was like some impassable chasm had formed between us. “If you.. if you _want, _I can hang out a little longer, I guess?”

Nick’s eyes flicked up and down my body, searching for something I didn’t understand how to put a name to, but a strange twisty sensation inside caused me to pull my shoulders back and stand up straight. He licked those satiny lips again and sighed, slumping in his chair. “No. You should go.” I crumpled a bit myself, and he must’ve felt sorry for me because he quickly held up his paws in a placating gesture. “No, no, it’s not… look, I need time. To think about… well, uh, the weird stuff. Pack it away.” He gave me one more crooked smile, but unlike the casual ones before breakfast, this one never reached his eyes. “I’ll text you. You’ve still got my car, anyway. And the reunion is Tuesday afternoon, so I’ll at least see you there. Will my car be ready by then?”

Nick started padding toward the door, barely making any sound as his bare feet hit the floor. I followed him, smiling softly to myself. He’d always walked quietly. Used to sneak up on me all the time and goose my sides, scaring the bejeezus out of me. A part of me wished he’d do it again, missing the casual closeness of touch I’d once had with my best friend; I’d never quite had that with anyone else, come to think of it. At least he’d never lost the knack for sneaking, I supposed. We made it all the way to the front of the house before I realized I hadn’t answered him. “Oh! Uh, no, I probably won’t, sorry. There’re some parts I need to order, and the new wheel will take at until at least next week to come in.” The retriever’s face turned into a frown, and in a panic I blurted out, “I’ll take you! Anywhere you need to go!”

Still frowning, Nick quirked an eyebrow. “You sure? Not afraid to be seen with the resident pariah of Mavis?”

“It’s fine!” I practically shouted, and his eyes widened. I took a deep breath to calm my fraying nerves, and in a softer voice, I said, “It’s fine, Nick. The town’s been changing… not a lot, I guess, but some. Besides, other people’s opinions don’t… well, okay, I guess their opinions do kinda still matter to me, but I’ll get over that.” I swallowed down a lump in my throat. “F-for you. Besides, everyone knows I’m not gay. I married a woman, after all.” Chuckling unconvincingly, I pulled on my shoes and stepped past my friend to the door. Lingering, my hand rested on the doorframe as I stood, facing away from him, knowing that if I turned and saw him one more time, I’d never leave. “I’ll, um… I’ll wait for your text. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Nick breathed, and suddenly I realized I could sense him standing behind me. He was only about a foot away, and my arms started aching. It only took me a moment to realize that what I wanted was to grab him, pull him in, crush him tightly against my chest, and never, ever let go. I slowly raised an arm and gave a single short wave before I left his house without another word.

Coward!. What are you so afraid of?

I really, truly didn’t have the answer to that.

—

Nick

—

Knox left, and I shut the door behind him. Then I leaned against the door, gently banging my head a few times against the hard, unyielding wood. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Every moment I spent with the man, it got harder and harder to remember that I was supposed to be mad at him. That he hadn’t done anything to earn my trust other than an “I’m sorry” and a Tupperware full of cookies. Cookies he made for you from scratch, all on his own.

And talk about mixed signals! Sure, last night he’d been drunk, and he hadn’t remembered that kiss at first. But he’d kissed me! He kissed me! And every part of me that craved his presence, his touch, his warmth… all the secret parts of myself that I’d buried in senior year came roaring back to life.

I’d forgotten how kind and caring he was when he tried. How sincere, honest, and thoughtful. And it didn’t hurt that Knox was now built like a brick shithouse, either. I stalked back to the couch, laying down on it and closing my eyes, trying to recapture the moment the man had kissed me.

Knox’s arms, strong as corded steel, flexing as his meaty paws roughly grabbed my face and pulled me forward. His kiss, hot, desperate, and claiming, pressing against my lips like there was no-one in the world but us two. His cologne, spicy and woodsy, and the leather and musk underneath. The aftertaste of alcohol and cookies, and the uniquely sweet flavor that had to be him. His sappy, dopey, stunned expression when he’d let me go. The breathless way he’d whispered “Wow”. It’d been better than any fantasy I’d had as a kid, so much hotter that it was the difference between the match and the bonfire. He’d wanted me, really wanted me, he’d kissed me and liked it, and… and…

And then he barfed on me. I sighed, the interest that had been building in my briefs flooding out of me in an instant. He hadn’t even remembered it! And when he finally did remember, he instantly freaked out, and it was like he was racing to see how fast he could get dressed and away from me. We’d seemed to have regained some sense of normalcy after I told him I’d forget about it, but things had still been, to overuse the word, weird. Especially that moment right before he left; it’s like he wanted to stay, but somehow wasn’t able to admit what he wanted. I supposed I couldn’t blame him for that; _I _didn’t understand exactly what I wanted, either.

He didn’t even say goodbye.

My eyes started stinging, and my lower lip quivered. Damn it! You will not cry over some drunk straight boy! Clearly, he wasn’t thinking — he even said he wants to forget it, too. Just let things go back to how they were before.

But the thing is, I didn’t want that. I didn’t want things to go back to before. For the briefest possible moment, Knox had been mine, and I’d been his, and now that I’d had a (literal) taste, I didn’t see a way to go back. I flashed back to one of those many moments back in high school, when Knox and I were close. I was on the debate team, and I’d just lost a big one. The janitor’s closet made a perfect place to hide, and I was sobbing my eyes out when Knox came and found me.

“H-how did you find me?” I asked.

“Know you.” Knox sidled into the closet and shut the door behind him. “You’re not so hard to get a read on. Bet I know you better than you know yourself.” He gave me a wink and a cheeky grin.

“If only you knew the truth,” I muttered. When I snorted, trying to prevent my nose from running, Knox pressed a tissue into my palm, and I let out a loud honk as I cleared things up.

“It’s pretty tight in here,” he said. “Scooch.”

“Wha-?” I looked up, my eyes still hot and swimming, but Knox had already stepped behind me and planted his butt on the floor. His trunk-like legs stuck out beside my skinny ones, and his chest pressed against my back while wrapping me up in his beefy arms.

Knox squeezed me tight, almost crushing me, but I reveled in the warmth and stability he provided. “Shh,” he whispered. “It’ll be okay. I got you.”

And like that, my eyes overflowed again, and I bawled in his arms while he rocked me back and forth. Knox nuzzled his head against the top of mine and softly whispered reassurances while I let it all out.

After the crying was done, he scooped me up in his arms — banging my head against the wall, because we were in a closet still — and we laughed together. He carried me out into the hallway and all the way to the parking lot, where our cars were the last ones left for the day, and finally set me down, propping me against my car.

“Thanks, man.” I sighed, hoping my face wasn’t too stained from my outburst. I scrubbed my paws against my cheeks, anyway. “What am I going to do when I go off to college? I’m gonna miss —”

Knox pressed a soft, warm kiss to the top of my head as he pulled me into his arms for one more hug. “Don’t even think about it. It’s you and me together, forever. Don’t think for a single minute that I’ll ever let you go, Nick.”

But he had let me go, hadn’t he? He’d hurt me, bad. But he really seemed like he’d changed these days. I wanted to trust that he wouldn’t hurt me again. And it was probably my too-trusting nature, but it could be a sign that we could finally start healing. Mom and Dad always told me to find that silver lining in everything; I guess this was mine.

I walked over to the kitchen, my eyes still slightly blurry, and started clearing the breakfast dishes. Cleanup was always my least favorite part of cooking, but at least Knox seemed to like what I made. Sort of. Fine, he’d said it was okay, which, sure, whatever, it’s not like I was a world-class chef. Seriously, the fanciest thing I knew how to make was tuna noodle hot dish… although that was pretty good. Dang, now I had a craving. “Welp, I guess I’ve decided what I’m doing for dinner tonight” I said to the empty house.

I mentally made a list of ingredients I’d need before letting my mind wander aimlessly as I scrubbed the dishes and set them on the rack to dry. I trotted back to my room to get dressed for the day, since I’d showered last night, pulling on a white tank top and a pair of cut-off jean shorts. Since I hadn’t really bought clothes for walking in the summer heat (like an idiot), I’d dug through the box of old clothes mom had stored in my closet. Pleased, yet slightly chagrined, at the fact that my old stuff from high school still fit, I slipped into the pair of running shoes I’d brought and started walking to the grocer.

My parent’s house was set back on acreage, so it took me about forty minutes to get to the main road, and another fifteen to walk to the store. At least there wasn’t any reason to hurry, I supposed. The ding when I opened the door sounded pleasingly familiar in a way I hadn’t known I’d missed. In fact, it sounded exactly the same as when I’d been a teenager.

Then I looked at the register, and saw Clark Graham, the panther who’d been a year behind me, standing behind the counter. He was admittedly pretty easy on the eyes. Wasn’t as tall as Knox, but just as broad-chested and thickly muscled, something he had earned from hard years of slinging hay bales on his family’s farm.

He’d also particularly enjoyed stuffing my head in the boy’s room toilet every chance he’d gotten. The minute I’d seen him, my shoulders tensed, and I shrank down as far as I could. Every instinct I had screamed at me to run right back out that door, casserole be damned, and get as far away from him as possible.

But when I chanced a second glance, he was just… looking at me, wearing a puzzled expression on his face. His old predatory gaze was gone, replaced by a look that was equally intense, but halting and uncertain.

I stiffened. “Somethin’ you need, Clark?”

He finally blinked. “What?” Blinked again. “No… no. I don’t need… what?”

Clark’s face had gone completely blank now. He never was the brightest bulb in the box, and I swear you could practically smell the smoke from the gears turning in his head. “Well, you’re the one starin’.” I gave him my best glare back, suddenly feeling bolder. “What did I do this time? Or is it the fact that I exist in your territory that’s getting you this time?”

The stocky panther moved out from behind the counter without any of the malicious grace he’d had in high school. No, he was hesitant, almost fragile, like I was a wild animal and he was afraid I’d startle and bound off into the forest, never to be seen again. “No, you’re… Nick?” Even the way he’d said my name was off — soft and wondering, like he’d never felt the shape of it in his mouth before.

I caught the tremor in his paws as they clenched and unclenched at his sides, and I spared a moment to wonder what he was hiding. Knox had done this, too. God, I’d lost count of how many times this scene played out, every time he fought to keep something hidden deep inside.

Suddenly unsure of what to do next, I let out a laugh. “Yeah, and?” Nothing could’ve disguised the bitterness in my voice, and for once, I didn’t want to. I grabbed a basket before turning to locate the canned goods aisle. Shit, they’ve remodeled. Guess I’ll have to check around —

When a heavy paw landed on my shoulder, I let out a very un-manly yelp as I about jumped out of my skin. Unlike high school, though, the paw immediately retracted, and I whirled around to see Clark standing right behind me, his hands raised in front of himself, eyes wide and his mouth hanging open.

“Fuck, I-” he whispered.

“What the actual hell are you doing?! You don’t get to touch me! Damn it, high school was ten years ago, leave me the hell alone!” I screeched. I didn’t care overly much if my voice had shot up an entire octave. The man was clearly insane.

Clark shrank in on himself, and when I finished yelling, he looked at me with glistening eyes, his ears flat and whiskers drooping. “D-dude, I just wanted to… Look, I’m sorry. I’m real, real sorry.”

“What?” I didn’t know what to make of his reaction. Honestly, I felt kinda bad for yelling at him now. “Uh, don’t worry about it. Like, you really don’t have permission to touch me, but it’s really not that big a deal. Don’t do it again, okay?”

“No, I — no, I’m not sorry for right now, I — okay, no, I am, but that’s not what I was apologizing for.” The panther took a deep breath, and as he blew it out through his nose, I watched some of the tension leave his shoulders. “No, I’m sorry for like, high school. I was a dick, and I wanted to… I dunno. Anyway, I’m sorry.”

My mouth dropped open. Were all my bullies going to start apologizing to me? What the hell? “Er, okay?” I blinked, trying to process what he was saying. The apology seemed genuine, but no small part of me wanted to push him away, keeping him firmly in the box labeled ‘high school bully’. Forgiveness seemed too easy, but… was it time for me to move on, too?

Clark seemed to be waiting for something from me, a questioning, almost needy gaze having taken over his features. His tail waved stiffly behind him, further betraying his nervousness. “What do you want from me, Clark? It’s been ten years. Hell, I still have PTSD from the shit you all put me through, if the way you’ve been scaring the shit outta me is anything to go by.”

He winced, but nodded. “I, uh… fuck. I’m not good with words like you are. Dunno how to say this.” Clark licked his lips, and I caught the slightest tremor in his hands before he clasped them together in front of himself. “I’m, uh… I’ve been thinkin’ a lot ever since I found my own place and moved out of my mom’s.”

I waited, but when nothing further came out other than a kind of intense stare from the man, I shrugged at him. “Okay. You’ve been thinking. Good for you; That must’ve been, like, super hard for you.”

I’d spat those words out with unconcealed venom, but if they affected Clark at all, he didn’t show it as he nodded along. “Yeah. It has been hard.”

More uncomfortable staring. “Clark?”

“Hmm?”

I let out a frustrated growl. “Dude, what the fuck do you want?! Come on!”

“Oh!” He jolted like he’d stuck his finger in a power outlet. “Oh, uh, I wanted to tell you that…” Clark cleared his throat and looked down at his beat-up sneakers as he shuffled his feet. “I wanted to tell you…” He trailed off again, like his tiny brain couldn’t figure out how to finish a sentence. I flinched when he raised an arm, but it just went to the back of his neck, where he scratched at the scruff there. “Shit, this is harder than I thought it would be. I’m… sorry, okay? For everything. For what I did — and who I was — back then.”

I made an obvious show of rolling my eyes at him before turning away. “That all? Cause you already said that a minute ago. This is my aisle, so if you’re done, I’m gonna go. Good talk. Have a nice day.” Without looking, I stepped confidently into the nearest aisle.

When I glanced around, I groaned. Family planning? Shit. Now I have to pretend I wanted condoms or something. I busied myself with looking interested in the display, and was trying to find a way out of this weird-ass situation, when I detected the heat of another body close — too close — to mine, and Clark’s shadow fell over me.

I shrank in on myself, turning to face my second-biggest fear as tremors raced through me. “C-Clark?” I stuttered, unable to keep the shakiness from my voice. “Dude, wha-”

“You’re…” The panther cleared his throat, tongue darting out to wet his lips as his eyes darted around. His voice was halting, hesitant, when he tried again. “Look. Back then, you were the first person I ever really, um… noticed?” He sounded unsure of himself, and it didn’t escape my notice that he’d started trembling, or that he’d fixed his eyes on some distant point behind me instead of actually on me. “You were so confident, so damn smart. I thought if I kept you down, kept you at a distance, maybe I’d stop feeling…” He’d trailed off again, fixing me with an expectant look, like he was waiting for me to finish the sentence on my own.

Sweat stained the underarms of his tan polo shirt and matted the fur on his brow. I didn’t get what he was getting at, and I was too afraid to be wrong here, so I cocked an eyebrow and said, “Feeling… what?”

Clark swallowed audibly, wringing his hands together. “That…” He wrenched his gaze away from me to stare at — no, through — a row of sanitary napkins. “That you’re, um… you’re cute. I guess. And smart. And generally pretty amazing, I dunno.” Eyes snapped back to me in a panic. “No! No, I mean, you’re _definitely _amazing and cute and all that. I’ve always thought so, even back in school, but there was my mom, and all the shit she used to tell me… but like, you were my first actual crush, if I’m honest, and then I treated you so bad and —”

I raised my hand to stop the madman’s monologue. “Dude. Stop. Whatever… this” I rolled my hand around in his general direction, “is, it needs to stop.” Clark’s mouth snapped shut, and he looked about ready to cry. He started to squeak out an apology, but I cut that off, too. “Nope. You’ve said sorry already. Leave it at that and move on.”

Clark scrubbed at his eyes and sniffled loudly. “Yeah. Yeah, sorry — no, right. Not sorry. But I never dared hope I’d see you again, and when I heard you were back in town, I thought, hey, what if I get the chance to tell him, but I kept telling myself that would never happen. But suddenly, here you were, and…” He let out a sigh, and seemed to deflate. “I’m gonna go. See you at the register when you’re ready.” Still sniffling, he turned and began shuffling off towards the front of the store.

A realization slammed into me like a physical blow; I was watching Clark Graham break open the same walls I’d seen in Knox. Walls built from identical combinations of small-town expectations and childhood shame. I wonder how many of my tormentors had been fighting their own battles, how many had turned their self-hatred outward and made me carry the weight of their shame and fear?

And Knox… God, Knox. All those lingering touches in high school, the way he’d hold me a little too long, every tender moment we’d shared over the years, that warm, comforting closeness… His kiss last night hadn’t come from nowhere, had it? It had been building for years, then left to simmer for a decade, held back by the same forces that had twisted him and Clark into my tormentors. And those same forces had Knox running scared this morning, weren’t they?

Groaning inwardly, I called after him. “Clark, wait!” The far too hopeful expression on his face nearly killed me. Gotta crush that right quick. “Okay, I get it. And thank you for trusting me with this. But you and me? Never gonna happen.” His expression clouded, and he straight-up wilted like a flower that never got enough sun. Okay, so maybe I felt a little bad about it, too. He may have been a bully, but he’d trusted me with something pretty massive, and his heart to boot. “It’s not just that you were awful to me. I, uh, already have someone I’m interested in, anyway… well, let’s say it’s, well, it’s complicated?”

Clark straightened his back, his earlier glare returning. “It’s Knox, isn’t it?”

I froze, but against my better judgement, I nodded slowly. The panther sighed. “Man, I can’t tell what you see in him. And he’s straight, too! He’s never going to return your feelings, and he’s the reason anyone started picking on you in the first place.”

“I’m aware” I said automatically. “I’ve been down this road before, clear back when I asked him to homecoming —”

Clark’s eyes went wide. “Wait, shit, you asked him to homecoming? And he said no?! You two were practically joined at the hip — wait, is that how he found out? Like, that you were gay?”

“What?” I didn’t see why it mattered at this point. “I mean, yeah? Wait, how did everyone think he found out?”

“Nobody ever said. The only thing I remember was my mom getting that phone call and overhearing it. Damn, you, the hottest guy in school, asked your best friend to go to homecoming with you, and he outed you instead? Fuck.” Clark shook his head slowly. “That’s awful, man.”

I was hot? No, that didn’t matter. I shook my head to clear it. “It was,” I said blandly. “I really don’t need to relive it.”

“Of course.” Clark rolled his neck and shoulders, rubbing some more of the tension out with his paws as he did so. “Yeah, no.” Then he let out a short, barking laugh. “Knox Madison, huh? Not gonna lie, I can see the appeal. Mavis’ perfect golden boy, and he’s…” the panther screwed up his face, like his next words were bitter as hell on his tongue, “he’s good looking, I guess. And he owns his own business. I guess I have one thing over him, though.”

“What’s that?”

He smirked at me. “I’m actually gay.”

“That would be a point in your favor, yes,” I admitted. “But look, I’m here for tuna and egg noodles. Swear to God, that’s all I wanted. Can you point me in the right direction?”

“Yeah, those condoms wouldn’t fit Knox anyway. Trust me, I’ve shared a locker room with the guy.” Now Clark was leering at me as I choked and spluttered. He chuckled and walked up to thump me on the back a few times. “So, tuna noodle hot dish, right? Let’s get you fixed up.”

As I checked out, Clark tried one more time to make a pass at me. When he was bagging up my groceries, he looked me in the eye and said, “So, you’re sure that there’s no chance of… you and me? I can’t even try? Suzy’s is pretty good, still. If you’re not dead set on casserole, I’d like to take you to dinner tonight. Even if only as friends, so I can say sorry one more time.”

I sat with that for a moment. Sure, Knox was my high school crush, and yeah, he’d kissed the hell out of me last night. But he had a lot of shit to figure out, and I was only here for a month. If he didn’t figure it out…

I aimed a wry half-smile at Clark and said, “Not tonight. Could be never. I’m not too sure. But… I’m not opposed to you trying, I guess.” Knox was my all-time crush, but Clark seemed to have himself a little more… figured out. I didn’t know if Knox would ever want me the way about I wanted him, and it really wasn’t fair to either of us to wait around forever on a maybe. If I was willing to give Knox a chance at redemption, Clark deserved the same chance. And at least he knew what he wanted. It didn’t hurt that what he wanted was scrawny, nerdy little me.

After a bizarre, sometimes awkward as hell shopping trip, I was home and putting away my food. Then, I set up my laptop at the desk in my room and started checking my work e-mails. Unsurprisingly, my boss had frozen my inbox, with the last e-mail from her reading simply, “Stop checking your work e-mail while you’re on vacation! We’ll call you if something comes up.”

So, I settled in for some streaming movies. I had a few hours to kill until four, anyhow. But, I said to myself, Knox probably wouldn’t mind if I texted him?

Yeah. I’ll send him a quick text. Just to see how he’s doing…

—

Knox

—

When I left Nick’s house, I was wrapped in a daze. There were too many thoughts, too many feelings crowding into my tiny brain. I knew I needed to clear my mind, so I checked the time — Twelve past nine A.M., perfect. One quick stop by the liquor store for a six-pack of the cheapest beer they had, and I’d fucked off to the lake.

Carter Lake was the closest thing we had to scenery around these parts, but boy howdy, was it some beautiful scenery. Forty-ish miles from the heart of Mavis and tucked away in the woods, it made for a great spot to go fishing, swimming, or kick back and relax while watching the sun glint off the crystal clear water. It was always cold, too, being fed from an underground spring; the only downside being that the last fifteen miles of the road there was bumpy dirt, so you couldn’t drive too fast on it.

While I was on the drive, my mind wandered back to that kiss I’d shared with Nick last night. I tried to get it out of my head, push it aside… and failed miserably. There was a rush that was unlike anything I’d ever known, something like fizzy soda bubbles in my veins. Why is this taking up so much room in my head? I wondered. It was a mistake. He knows it, and so do I. That’s why he’s letting us forget the whole thing.

But…

But I don’t think I want to forget it…

I flashed back to the relationship we’d had as teenagers, before I’d outed him, before I became the villain in his story. I remembered how close we were, how we used to bump up against each other while we walked together, how we’d sit close enough that we felt each other’s body heat, how he’d watch me with those big gray eyes and that millionaire smile, like I was the most important thing in the world.

Towards the end of my marriage, I’d wanted that closeness again with someone, anyone. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized things had never been as good with anyone I’d been with as they had been with Nick, not even when Katie and I got hitched. I’d legit mourned the fact that the healthiest relationship I’d ever had was with a guy who I hurt so badly. The first thing he did when he grew up was get out of town and as far away from me as he could. Eventually, I convinced myself that I’d never have that kind of thing again, that I’d thrown away something precious and special, and I put Nick out of my mind entirely.

But against all odds, Nick actually came back.

Instantly there was a tug on my heart, urging me to make amends, to bring back something I believed to be lost forever. And he’d been prickly at first, but damn it if he didn’t come around right quick. He’d even let me into his house, his sanctuary, and he’d shared cookies with me and we’d simply… spent an evening together, like old times.

Fuck. Then I’d kissed him. Damn it all, I remembered that I’d been drinking, but really, the more I thought about it, it became less like doing something against my nature, and a lot more like something I’d _craved _forever, but wouldn’t have had the courage to sober. I’d never forgive myself if this fucked it all up between us… but I couldn’t muster a single ounce of regret.

In that moment, I’d wanted to kiss Nick. Couldn’t have resisted if I’d tried.

Damn, is that what Katie meant when she said she was tired of competing against someone who wasn’t even around anymore? She meant… Nick? What the hell did she see that I still don’t?

Sighing, I pulled into the parking area, cutting off the truck before jumping down from the cab. Trash cans dotted the perimeter of the lake, and us townsfolk kept the place well looked after. It wasn’t close enough to any big cities for tourists, really, so it had always been kind of like our town’s best kept secret. There weren’t many people out yet, just a few campers out in their RVs. I recognized one RV in particular, though; Nick’s parent’s camper sat out by the far side of the lake. “Well, I’ll steer clear of _that _little minefield,” I muttered.

No way was I ready to deal with Richard and Connie. Nick’s dad had been upset with me, but Connie had been furious. After I inherited B.W. Auto Body from Mr. Wyrdmott a few years back, they’d conspicuously stopped taking their cars there to be worked on, and so had all of their friends. And the worst part? I couldn’t really blame them._ One more sin to be guilty about, I guess._

I blew out a snort of air through my nose and turned to head over to the dock. It’d be a few hours before the after-church crowd came in, so I kicked off my shoes, sat my happy ass down on the weathered wood, and cracked open a beer. A gorgeous summer breeze blew through the trees today, and I enjoyed the way it rustled through the leaves and combed its gentle fingers through my fur. I took a long pull from the still-cold can, letting the bitter flavor flood my senses. It probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, drinking when I was still reeling from the effects of my hangover.

But then again, nobody’d ever accused me of being smart.

I’d mostly finished the second can when my phone pinged, telling me I had a text. I had a little bit of a buzz going. Not too much, but definitely a bit on the southerly side of sober. It took me a moment before I lazily picked up the device with my free hand and checked who it was from.

You have 2 new messages from UNKNOWN NUMBER.

“Tch. Stupid spam texts.” I wagged my head and set my phone down again. Killing what was left of my beer, I cracked the top of number three and took a deep pull of the bitter, hoppy brew. I swiped the back of my wrist through the foam left on the top of my lip and belched, grimacing at the sour flavor of bile in my mouth. _Huff, that stuff isn’t so great the second time around. _My legs kicked over the edge of the dock, skimming the top of the cool water below. God, I loved this place. I knew I’d made the right decision coming out here to clear my head. I had a nice little buzz going, and all those feelings of — what had Nick called it? — weirdness, seemed to drift farther and farther away.

Try as I might, though, I couldn’t completely get rid of that annoying little voice in the back of my head saying, “You should really see who texted you.” So, I groaned, unlocked the screen and opened the text chain.

Unknown Number: ‘Hey! Sorry if I’m bothering you. I wanted to see how you were doing after, well, this morning.’

Unknown Number: ‘Oh, this is Nick btw.’

_Nick! _I fumbled with the phone, cursing as I barely caught it before it fell in the water. I set down my mostly empty beer and laid down with my back on the dock, grinning like some kind of idiot.

He’d texted me. He actually _texted me! A warm glow started in my gut, spreading throughout my chest as my head suddenly went all fuzzy and light. _Shit, am I really that much of a lightweight? I was a real big, fat dude, and that was supposed to have advantages. I guess —

Unknown Number: ‘Hey, you’re making me nervous here. Don’t leave a guy on read.’

“Oops,” I said to nobody in particular. I’d been so busy basking in the attention that I forgot to have a conversation for a couple of minutes. With a few taps, I saved Nick’s number before replying.

Me: ‘Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to do that. I’m good. _I waited a moment before adding: _I’m glad you texted.’

The reply couldn’t come fast enough, and I glued my eyes to those three little dots that told me he was typing.

Nick: ‘Sure, no problem. Everything all right at the shop?’

Shop? What is he — oh, right. _Damn. I shouldn’t have lied. _What to do, what to do…

Me: ‘Yeah, it’s cool. The guys had it under control, so I drove to the lake.’

Nick: ‘Oh, nice! How is it down there?’

Me: ‘Pretty chill tbh. I’m at the dock, drinking some gross beers. It’s quiet, too, I guess, which is good.’

Nick: ‘Quiet can be good, but you shouldn’t be drinking so soon. Knock it off. If you get sick again, who’s going be there to strip you down and get you clean? Won’t be me. ;)’

Is he… no. No way. If I’d thought I was lightheaded before, it was nothing compared to now. Absently, I used my free hand to grab what remained of my beer and pour it out. Was Nick flirting with me?! That was impossible; we were mountains apart from each other. But my face heated anyway as another impossible scene played on repeat in my head.

Nick running his soft paws up my shirt, his touch drifting over my soft belly and too-hot body before tugging it off completely. Nick pulling his own shirt off and pushing me back onto the couch, chest to chest, fur on fur, and his mouth inching closer and closer. If I close my eyes, I swear I can taste his lips as they press against mine —

*PLAP*

I jolted, startled out of whatever obviously alcohol-induced haze of insanity I’d fallen into when my phone slipped from my hands and bonked me square between the eyes. The fuck is with all these weird-ass thoughts? Grumbling, I sat up, rubbing the bridge of my nose as I scrolled back to the messages. I checked the time and realized I’d been daydreaming for almost ten minutes.

Nick: ‘Knox, you there? Everything okay?’

No, _I said to myself. My head was seven different kinds of messed up, and my heart was thumping so fast that I got a little queasy. _No, I’m definitely not okay.

Me: ‘Yeah, sorry. I dropped my phone.’

Nick: ‘Oh, okay.’

Long minutes stretched by, and my body wound up tight as a spring, so tight that I could burst at any moment. I don’t know what possessed me, but I swear I had an out-of-body experience, on the outside looking in as someone else typed out another text message.

Me: ‘You wanna get dinner tonight? The diner’s still good. Suzy changed cooks a couple years ago, but you’d never tell.’

Nick: ‘Oh, funny, Clark mentioned the diner too. You remember Clark Graham? Works at the grocery store now? He actually asked me out to dinner with him there tonight. Turned into a weird guy, but he was sweet, too. And kind of funny!’

Immediately, the bottom dropped out of my stomach, and I struggled to figure out why. My body ran uncomfortably hot, my jaw tightened as I tingled all over, and I swallowed hard against the sudden wave of sickening, twisting emotion that flooded through me. Hastily, I typed a reply.

Me: ‘Yeah, I remember him. I guess he’s changed a lot, huh?’

I had to fight down the urge to crack open another beer. The idea of Nick having dinner with Clark bothered me more than I knew how to put into words. He was nothing but an old friend, or at least, we were friendly enough. I said hi to him at the grocery store all the time. Yeah, just a friend — one who, apparently, had grown up and turned sweet, according to Nick.

I wasn’t jealous. Was I? No, that’d be ridiculous. Nick and I were barely starting to be friends again, and even if everything between us magically resolved tonight, he was still allowed to have other… friends. But even the vaguest idea of someone else making Nick laugh the way I used to… well, that burned me more than I cared to admit.

Nick: ‘Sorry, was putting away some groceries. No, I told him maybe some other time. I honestly wasn’t sure about it, though. He really seemed, I dunno, different.’

A cool wave of relief washed over me like I’d plunged into the middle of the lake. Nick’s next message made me bristle, though.

Nick: ‘I don’t think dinner with you would be a good idea. Not after everything last night. It brought up a lot of old feelings for me, and I don’t want to get things mixed up again.’

An intense wave of panic settled into my gut. Shit. Damage control, damage control!

Me: ‘It’s only dinner.’ My thumbs hovered over the screen, unable to send the message. Was that really the best I could come up with? I deleted it, tried a few other things, but nothing I said seemed to fit. Finally, I settled on, ‘It’s just dinner with a friend, Nick. I want things to go back to normal between us.’

Another few minutes passed where I chewed on a claw and watched the three little dots appear, disappear, reappear, like some demented version of peek-a-boo. Finally, his message came in, and the fizzy bubbly sensation was back, slamming its way through my veins.

Nick: ‘Fine. But the moment any more weirdness happens, I’m done. Pick me up at six.’

“He said yes!” I crowed, sitting up and pumping my fist before texting back the confirmation and startling the birds from a nearby tree. One cranky old camper poked his head out of his RV a few yards away and glared at me, but I didn’t care. I was floating, my body lighter and freer than it had been in years, and a triumphant grin spread itself across my face. Then I snapped back to reality as my logical side started kicking in. It’s nothing but dinner. Dinner with a friend. You’re acting ridiculous. There’s no need to get all worked up over nothing; it’s not like this is a date or —

A chill ran down my spine so cold that I literally shivered as the picture of me taking _the _Nick Southwell on a date popped into my brain.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

What do I do with that?!

Well, first, I was going to have to sober up, get my happy ass home, and do some laundry. I needed something to wear.

—

Nick

—

At around a quarter to six, I was still standing in my bathroom, fussing with my hair. The short haircut I usually kept had grown out for a couple months. In fact, it was long enough that I had to put product in it to keep it out of my eyes. I kept fighting with this one lock of hair, trying to get it to stay up; despite all my efforts, it still kept falling down over my forehead. Why am I trying so hard? _I wondered. _It’s just friends having dinner. You even told him no funny business.

I knew I didn’t have to put on cologne, or dress in my nicest button-down, or pull out my fancy dress shoes that I normally saved for court appearances. But damn it all if I hadn’t done it, anyway. I looked down at my phone. Ten minutes. It wasn’t enough time, and somehow an eternity, all at once. Growling, I left my hair looking slightly tousled, and went outside to take in the warm summer evening and sit in one of the chairs on the front porch.

In no time, my leg was bouncing up and down in a rapid tempo. I caught myself chewing on a claw when I accidentally bit my finger, and there was nothing for it but to sit on my hands. That only worked for a few minutes, because I had to free one of them to check the time on my phone.

Eight minutes.

Fuck. Time was moving so damn slowly. I could’ve sworn I’d been outside for almost half an hour. Was this some kind of Dr. Who situation? Timey-wimey bullshit? I was bouncing so hard that I dropped my phone, wincing as it clattered against the concrete porch. But when I snatched it up, I let out a sigh of relief that I’d sprung for the expensive case, because there wasn’t a crack on it. I needed something to do, so I got on social media and scrolled around, reading status updates from my co-workers back home. Once I’d caught up, I checked the time again.

Three minutes.

“Oh, come on!” I shouted. There was definitely something wrong with the time. Was my clock broken or something? No, let’s be logical. The internet sets my phone clock. Shit, is the internet broken?! So much for logical, I guess. Why was I getting so worked up, anyway? I’d been over this earlier today with Clark. Dating wasn’t something Knox was interested in. He only wanted friends, and a little schoolboy crush wouldn’t change anything. He wasn’t interested then, and he’s not interested now. This isn’t a date, I reminded myself. It’s not, it’s not —

My traitorous heart lurched as I saw headlights coming up the wooded drive, and a rusted-out white pickup rumbled closer and closer to the house. Suddenly, I was sixteen again, watching a slightly more rusted old pickup rattle and rumble its way up my drive, with Knox behind the wheel, and a long summer night stretched out before us. I breathed in the lavender my mom used to keep in the planters out on the porch, reveled in the heat of the sun-warmed brick behind me, tasted the sweet tea I always used to keep in the fridge on my tongue — it was his favorite, back then. We were best friends. He was my only friend — I’d been a loner my whole life until he came along. Then he’d gone and promised me forever, even if he only meant friends, and I… I let his first and only mistake destroy everything I’d worked so hard to build. Fuck, was it supposed to hurt this bad? For the first time, I wondered what he even saw in me, that he wanted to try again when I’d been so openly hostile at first.

Then, in an instant, I snapped back to the present when I thought I saw something fly out the driver’s side window. It really was hard to see from that angle, and the treeline mostly blocked my view anyway, so I assumed my mind was playing tricks on me and let it slip from my mind. Knox took _forever _to pull up to the garage, where he cut the engine, hopped out of the cab, and…

Oh, damn it all anyway.

Knox wore a tight flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off, baring his brawny striped arms to the open air, and the bottom of his soft, rounded belly peeking out from under the hem. A pair of grease-stained denim jeans that were definitely torn from hard use, and not for the sake of fashion, hugged his trunk-like thighs and meaty calves, looking almost painted on. And his work boots, scuffed and covered in more grease stains, were loose and untied on his feet. It was one hundred percent giving blue collar, and I was practically drooling over the careless way he’d dressed and the amount of exposed fur.

We stood there for a couple of minutes, and I realized two things. First: I’d been staring hard enough that it was a shock the man hadn’t burst into flame. Second: He was staring back.

I broke the silence first. My voice came out high and strangled, cracking like I was going through puberty again. “Y-you, um, you look good.”

“Yeah?” Knox whispered, looking dazed as he shook his head. He coughed once to clear his throat, looking away as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, yeah, thanks. You clean up all right, you know. Aren’t you a little overdressed for Suzy’s, though?”

“Oh, yeah?” I looked down at my outfit. God, he’s right. I’d worked myself up over nothing. Turning to the door, I put my hand on the knob and said, “Mmm, you’ve got a point. I can go change really quick and —”

“What? No!” He shouted his dissent so loud a few startled birds flew from their trees. I flinched, and when I turned back to face the tiger, he’d clapped his paws over the front of his mouth. When I quirked an eyebrow at him, he turned his eyes away from me. “I-I mean, we’ll be late if we don’t go now. You’re… fine. You look fine. And I don’t want them to close or something.”

“Sure…” I said, drawing out the sound. Why’s he acting so strange? “Everything okay, Knox? You said no weirdness, and you seem kinda, I dunno, weird? Do we need to do this another time?”

Knox gave a thready chuckle. “Nope! No, yeah, I’m fine. All good. No weirdness from me, like you said.” He took a couple deep breaths, and his golden boy smile he used to have back when we’d been in high school bloomed on his face. “C’mon. Let’s get going. I’m starved.”

“Okay, sure.” I knew better than to buy that. Something about that particular smile never quite reached his eyes. I wanted to get to the bottom of it, but he was already jogging around to my side of the truck. I assume he’d meant to open it for me, but when he pulled the handle, the door stayed firmly shut. Slowly, I started walking over as he gave a manic giggle, fished his keys out of his pocket, and promptly dropped them.

“Fuck,” he muttered, and Knox flapped his hands about — wait, was he shaking? He swiped at the keys in the dirt like some sort of redneck claw machine, with about as much success, finally picking them up on the third pass. Unlocking the door, he held it open for me with a triumphant smile, and I busted out laughing, which caused Knox to cackle like a madman. We stood there for a moment just staring at each other, grins on our faces.

I didn’t want to keep him waiting like a doof, so I hurriedly clambered in, letting him shut the door behind me as I buckled my seatbelt. Briefly, I wondered what kind of deodorant he’d put on. Or was it cologne? I snorted a laugh out through my nose. Nah, no way was he wearing cologne to take me to Suzy’s diner. Especially not the man who thought a button-down and slacks were ‘overdressed’. But whatever it was, I didn’t really care. He fuckin’ smelled good.

It took about twenty minutes to get into town and over to Suzy’s. Twenty minutes that we spent in complete silence. Honestly? It was a big shift in the mood, and it was awkward as hell. Occasionally, Knox would take a breath like he was about to say something, but then… nothing. Once or twice, I caught him resting his paw on the middle of the bench seat next to me, inching it towards me before he’d freeze up and snatch it away. Weird shit, and I almost said something, but it turns out I was too chicken-shit to call him out on it.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I stepped out of his truck, feet crunching on the gravel parking lot in front of the diner. For some reason, Knox hustled to the restaurant door and opened it for me again. With a wary chuckle, I looked up at him and said, “Careful, now. I might decide you’re secretly nice.”

Knox let out a startled bark of laughter, smiling crookedly down at me. “Heaven forbid. I _do _have a reputation to maintain.”

Suzy, the eponymous owner of the diner, was still working in the hostess position. It would’ve surprised me — she was old even when I was a kid — but the wiry rat with gray fur and delicate golden spectacles had sworn she’d never retire, and she seemed determined to make good on that promise. Suzy arched an eyebrow at me, and her eyes never left mine even as she turned her head towards Knox. “It’s gonna be you and Mr. Fancy-Pants, yeah?”

Knox nodded, I blushed, and she showed us to a booth in the back. She handed us a pair of ancient laminated menus that looked to be the same ones as before I’d left, and tottered off to greet new guests and take payments at the register. I picked up my menu, giving it a perfunctory glance. If it was the same menu, I’d had it memorized for years now, and I knew what I’d be getting. Knox didn’t even bother to pick up his — he did, however, stare at me over the top of mine.

I squirmed under the intensity of his gaze. “Uh, what’s up? Do I have something on my face?”

Knox coughed and hastily looked away. “N-no! Just, your face looks… I mean, you …” His eyes flicked back to me a handful of times, darting between me and an indeterminate spot on the floor. “You look, um… normal.”

“Wha- normal? Really? Okay…” I shook my head and puffed out a frustrated breath through my nose. “Whatever. It’s whatever. You decide on what you’re going to get?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, same thing as always. You?”

“I’ll get my usual, too. Dunno why I bothered looking at the menu, really.” I placed the laminated sheet down on the table, briefly wondering if my ‘usual’ order _was _usual to them anymore after I’d been gone ten years. Still, the scene was familiarly comfortable; Me sitting with Knox, simply hanging out at the diner. I could almost imagine that no time had passed at all. Almost.

A young feline server — she had to still be in high school — wearing Suzy’s signature red-and-white checkered apron, flounced over to our table and took our orders; The chicken fried steak platter for Knox, and a double patty melt with fries for me. She took our menus with her when she bustled off to put our orders in, and suddenly I had nothing to buffer the space between me and my strangely intense dinner companion. Knox’s focus was on a space somewhere over my shoulder, but I caught his eyes flicking over to me every now and again. The gears in his mind were spinning hard as he processed… something, though it was hard to tell what. His whiskers would twitch every time he wrenched his gaze away from me, almost like something was tickling his nose.

Finally, I let out a gusty sigh and leaned back against the soft back of the booth. “Okay, you said there wouldn’t be any weirdness, but I gotta say, you’re acting really weird. You sure you’re ready for this?”

Knox started forward, blinking rapidly before vehemently shaking his head. “N-no! Er, I mean, yes? Sorry, it’s, uh…” The brawny tiger swallowed hard, licking his lips before smoothing a paw through his short black hair. “I’m a little out of it. I’ll try to do better.” He leaned forward slightly, blinking again, and taking a steadying breath before finally meeting my gaze.

I’d wanted to reply, to reassure him out of that old, old habit. But for the life of me, I couldn’t tell you what I’d been about to say, because his mossy hazel eyes suddenly locked onto mine, and wow, what a smile. I let my mind run on autopilot, letting out a nervous giggle and saying, “You know, sitting here with you, it’s almost like we’re back in high school. You really haven’t changed much, have you?” And he hadn’t, not really. Knox might have been broader now, his frame definitely heavier, but his crooked smile — his actual smile, not that fake golden boy shit — oozed the simple confidence that had always left me breathless.

I lost myself in that dopey grin of his, and it was impossibly hard to stop the fantasy of how it would be cuddled up against him, pressed against his body all night long. Then, my stomach clenched like it got caught in an iron vise. No, I told myself. You can’t fall into these old habits again! This isn’t high school; remember why you’re on guard in the first place.

“I swear, you’re always going to see the old me, aren’t you? I really have changed. Probably more than you think.” Knox replied with a shake of his head.

I swallowed and rolled my shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension that was building there. I laughed weakly, rubbing a paw against the back of my head. “No, you’re right. You’ve, uh, definitely changed, at least a little.”

Knox gave me another fake-ass golden boy smile again as he tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? How so?”

—

Knox

—

“Oh yeah? How so?” I flashed my most convincing smile at Nick. It surprised me how quickly I’d fallen back into the ‘calm and collected golden boy’ persona I’d worn most of my life. Everyone had seen me as this Teflon-coated wonder kid who did no wrong and always had his shit under control, and I’d worked damn hard to conform to those expectations. Used to be that I joked to myself that if the mechanic thing didn’t work out, I’d go into acting with how I fooled everyone into believing I was someone I wasn’t. I didn’t enjoy doing it anymore; I had fought with myself in the few years since my divorce to become my most authentic self. But tonight, sitting across from the kid — no, the man — that I had hurt all those years ago, and again just last night, my nerves got the better of me, and I had to admit, the mask fit real nice and comfy right about now.

My insides had gotten all twisty and jumbled up again. He’d caught me staring at him not once, but twice, and for the life of me, I still didn’t know why I’d been staring. Nick was a puzzle I was trying, and failing, to figure out how to solve. I had to be missing some crucial pieces. He gently shook his head, and his ears flopped around, the silver cuff he wore glinting in the bright light of the diner, and it took all my willpower not to reach out and tussle his ears with my paw.

“Well,” Nick began, “You’re a lot more chill, to start. Recent… weirdness notwithstanding.” His pink tongue darted out to wet his lips, and the sheen it left behind made me want to run the pad of my thumb over the place he’d marked. What the hell’s with me these last two days? Nick looked away, and I almost fell over sideways when he murmured, “And you’re fine as hell. Seriously, what business did you have getting even hotter?”

No way he thought I’d be able to hear that. No way. He’d whispered so softly that I was certain he’d meant for the sounds of the other diners to drown him out. It’s not like it even mattered; ever since that one day ten years ago, his feelings for me had been as one-sided as they came. I’d never reciprocate those feelings, couldn’t if I tried. I’m trying to rekindle a friendship, not start a summer fling.

So why is your heart beating so fast, Knox?

“Chill, huh?” I smiled, and this time I knew it was more genuine than before. “I can respect that.”

Nick smiled and nodded, the corners of his eyes crinkling up as he did so. “Well, and you’re a small business owner. That’s honestly an enormous surprise to me. What happened to your football scholarship? Your plans?”

I grimaced. “Mom got sick right after you left, and she needed help. So, I changed my degree to a two-year Associate of Applied Science, got my ASE Master Mechanic certification, and started working under old man Wyrdmott. Turned out he’d been looking for someone local to leave the business to, and for whatever reason, he decided on me.” I leaned an elbow against the corner of the booth and leaned my head against it. “Tried the whole settling down thing, too. It wasn’t so bad, at first. Married Katie — Katie Farnsworth, the head cheerleader — and we tried for a kid. When she got pregnant, I’d never been so scared and excited at the same time, but a few months in she told me she’d been seeing some guy a couple towns over and the kid was his. She divorced me, took my car, left me the mortgage, and that was that. And at that point, even if I’d wanted to go back to school, they wouldn’t have wanted me to play football, and I’d gotten fat to boot. So, I built a home gym at my place, and started spending all my free time pumping iron to get the frustration out. I honestly always meant to get out of Mavis, same as you, but…”

I realized I’d been rambling and searched Nick’s face for any sign that I’d lost him. To my surprise, he’d leaned into my conversation, hanging on my every word, and that realization made the corner of my mouth twitch up into a soft grin. “Well, leaving kinda didn’t work out. Small town life ain’t so bad, though. I’ve learned that there’s a few different definitions of success.”

Nick nodded sagely before he shocked me by reaching out and patting the free paw that I had rested on the table. Literally — we both jumped at the shock of static electricity that zapped through us before we locked eyes and laughed so hard I almost cried. My canine friend wiped a tear away from his own eye when he calmed down enough to speak. “Yeah, you’re right, things don’t always go according to plan. But…” Nick’s face grew serious, and perhaps a little bit sad? “Tell me… are you happy with how things turned out, Knox? Honestly, truly happy?”

I froze. I’d never really considered it. Happy? Yeah, things had been going all right, I guess. So what if none of my plans had worked out? I should be content with my lot in life. Right?

So why is it like there’s a hole in my heart where something huge has been missing? And if I think about it, why has it been that way for… ten years?

Oh, God. Oh, no. No, no, no.

“I-I…” Panic settled into my gut as I floundered about for the right words. Suzy’s diner was not the place to have these kinds of discussions. “I, uh, honestly… I don’t think I’m —”

The perky feline server swung through with a tray full of food and sides. “All righty, boys, here’s your dinner! I’ll refill your drinks while I’m here, but y’all go ahead and enjoy.”

“Thanks… Vanessa!” Saved by the dinner bell. Nick had spared a glance at her nametag before giving her that effortless megawatt smile he’d never quite realized he possessed. Damn, it had always looked good on that boy; I wished he’d show it to me again. Just one more time, that massive smile that made you feel you were the most important thing in the universe. Vanessa looked properly stunned for a beat before letting out a shy giggle and flouncing away. Nick, oblivious to his effect on the poor girl, turned to me and handed me one of the silverware rolls on the table. “You were saying?”

“Aw, shucks, it was nothin’ important.” Before he called me out on my bald-faced lie, I unwrapped my silverware and started sawing off a piece of the fried steak that was smothered in peppery white gravy. I dipped it in the pile of fluffy mashed potatoes, stuffed the bite into my mouth, and nearly choked because I’d cut it too big. Fortunately, Vanessa chose that moment to return with our refills, and I took a deep swig of the sweet tea I’d ordered. Shakily, I said, “You should eat before it gets cold.”

“Right.” Nick quirked an eyebrow at me, but picked up a triangle of his patty melt and bit into it. Watching his eyes roll back in pleasure might have been a sin, but the low moan he let out definitely was. “Oh, fuck me, I’ve missed this. Jus’ perfect”

A dribble of gravy fell from the next bite I’d taken fell from where I’d frozen on my way to my mouth onto my flannel. I’d never found food sexy, but watching him reverently enjoying his sandwich absolutely made me question a few things. When I realized I’d made a mess, I cursed under my breath, setting down my fork and blotting at the offending sauce with a wad of paper napkins. “Damn. At least it’s not one of those stupid expensive polo shirts Clarissa bought for me.”

“Clarissa? Who’s… oh! You mean Mrs. Wyrdmott.” Nick took a moment to put it together, but when he did, another smile lit up his face like Christmas. He took another bite of his sandwich, and my fingers twitched as I resisted the urge to wipe away a gob of special sauce from the corner of his mouth. “Wait, did she pick out the clothes you wore last night?”

I let my head droop, then nodded. I set aside the used napkins before taking a more careful, controlled bite of my meal. “Yesh” I said around a mouthful of potatoes. “She insisted that I have a better wardrobe in case I met the right person and wanted to take them out on a date.” I didn’t mention that I had intentionally not worn one of them tonight because I didn’t want Nick to assume that this was a date. It’s not like I was trying to…

Okay, yeah, I’ll admit to trying to impress him. I knew I should’ve worn the damn polo.

“You looked fantastic last night. Although, I’ll admit, I very much prefer seeing you in what you’re wearing tonight. It’s more… you.” Nick’s eyes roamed over my body, taking me in for a long breath before he coughed and busied himself with taking a deep drink of his diet soda.

Hmm. The beginnings of a nefarious plan raced through my head._ I wonder…_ I set down my fork and knife, pretending to yawn as I slowly stretched my whole torso and raised my arms up in the air. I grabbed my elbow and stretched out my triceps on either side. My eyes squinted closed as the stretch turned into a slight burn, but I peeked out from the corner of my eye to see if I’d gotten a reaction from Nick.

And oh boy, did I.

Nick was straight-up ogling me, not even a shred of decency left as he practically drooled at my antics. His jaw hung slightly open, his mouth making an ‘O’ shape as I heard his tail thump against the seat of the booth. I finished my stretch, rolling my neck with a satisfying pop! as I wiggled into my seat. Smugly, I turned to him. “Enjoy the show, Nicky?”

His mouth snapped shut, and he glared at me. “I haven’t been Nicky since ninth grade. And wait, did you do that on purpose?!” His voice rose to a near shout.

“Hush. People are trying to enjoy their dinner.” I gave him a smirk as I took another bite of dinner.

“Why?”

“Why not? Could be I enjoy showing off.” Could be that I enjoy showing off for you, specifically. And maybe, just maybe, it gives me that funny feeling in my stomach that tells me you like me, too.

Nick grumbled, finishing the last bite of his sandwich. “Well, Mr. Showoff, you still have half a steak to finish. Guess you should’ve spent more time eating and less time teasing me.”

I shrugged. “Eh, it’ll keep. Suzy’s never skimped on her portions; I’ll take the rest home.” I flagged down Vanessa, asking for the check and a box. When she asked us if we’d like a slice of pie, Nick shook his head, but I nodded. “One slice of the cherry pie, please, but put it in a box?”

She nodded and hustled off. Nick gave me a questioning glance. “They had blueberry. Isn’t that your favorite?”

I gave Nick a pat on the head. “It’s not for me. Every time we — er, you, come here, you always wolf your food, then say you wish you’d saved room for pie. So, I’m getting you some for later. And your favorite is cherry.”

The canine’s eyes widened, and a shy smile tugged at the corners of his lips. Of all the expressions he’d offered me tonight, this one had to be far and away my favorite; slightly bashful, surprised, and finally, all for me. “I didn’t think you’d remember.”

“Of course I remembered. Though I wouldn’t have been so sure if you’d ordered literally anything else for dinner tonight,” I admitted.

Vanessa returned with an empty box for my leftovers and a small, clear plastic container with a slice of freshly baked cherry pie inside. I paid, and soon we were in the truck again as I drove him back to his parent’s place. We chatted on the way this time, about nothing in particular; sports, the weather, cars… whatever random topics that popped into our heads.

My headlights turned onto the winding, unlit drive that lead to Nick’s parent’s place, and I tooled along it, intentionally taking each turn as slowly as possible to extend the precious little time I had with him. Nick punched me in the arm as I took the second-to-last turn. “You’re driving like my Grandma, man! I remember you taking this at 40 when we were younger — wait, what’s that? Stop the truck.”

“What?” I pumped the brakes, looking in the direction where Nick pointed. Something shiny reflected the light from my headlights, laying on the left side of the drive. Oh, no… shit! Shit, shit, shit! A nervous sweat broke out all over my body, causing me to shiver. “Uh, it’s… it’s probably some trash that blew in. Bet it’s nothing to worry about, I can pick it up on my way back out —”

“And what, take it home with you? We’re almost to my house, dude, come on. I’ll go grab it real quick, it’ll only take a second.”

“No, wait!” I cried out, but Nick had already gotten up and out of the cab, trotting over to my secret shame. I fumbled to get my seatbelt off, almost falling out of the truck instead of jumping out. Hastening over to where Nick was standing, I babbled, “It’s n-not what it looks like! I mean, I have no idea where those came from, that’s so random! Ahaha… Nick? Nick, you there?” I bent my head, frantically trying to glean some reaction from the canine, but his face had gone entirely blank and unreadable. My voice came out small and desperate, pleading. “Nick, speak to me? Please?”

Nick bent down, his fingertips brushing the evening dew beaded on the grass as he scooped up the bouquet of red long-stem roses. He turned to me, his movements jerky and stiff, and the blank-faced expression he gave me sent my heart plummeting into my stomach. “Knox, what is this?”

Damn it, why did I even buy the stupid flowers?! Why couldn’t I have just played it cool? _I think I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I? _Nick’s face was still unreadable as the moments stretched out between us, and every second that passed was like a knife twisting deeper and deeper in my gut. Was he mad at me, or was he hurt? Oh, God, what if this is finally what drives him off, and he never speaks to me again?

“N-no idea! I have absolutely no clue where those came from! Heh, nope…” I stammered out. When I reached to snatch them out of his hand, he curled his arms around the bouquet and clasped it to his chest. “Come on, anyone might’ve left those there! It couldn’t have been me, right? Tonight wasn’t, like, a date or anything.”

“No?” Nick’s gray eyes narrowed as he searched me up and down, searching for something I wasn’t quite able to identify. “So, I didn’t see you chuck something out your window when you came to pick me up earlier? Some random person left flowers on the drive up to my house?”

“Uh…” I shrank in on myself, my thoughts racing. Crap, how had he seen me ditch the flowers?! Stupid, stupid, stupid! “I mean, it’s not like I…” My paws started trembling, and to still them, I buried my face in my hands as I vomited words out in a rapid-fire stream. “Fuck, Nick, I… I don’t know. You said no weirdness. But I got excited — too excited. And before I knew it, I was buying you flowers, and I just… God, I know it’s not a date, but I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I wanted to, I dunno… to… —”

—

Nick

—

I stood frozen, clutching a now significantly rumpled bouquet of roses — super cliché, by the way — as Knox rambled out his stilted confession. Knox’s shoulders shook, and my heart twinged when he slumped to his knees and hunched over, still hiding his face. It would’ve made sense to be angry. It would’ve made sense to just laugh it off. But watching Knox come undone like this, someone who never let his guard down, a master of masks… this raw emotion from him cracked something open inside of me. I wanted to scream, to throw the stupid roses at his stupid face, to stalk off into the night. I wanted to…

No. I didn’t want to do any of that. Not really. It took only a moment to decide what I had to do. Letting the roses fall and tossing them to the side, and took a step towards the beautiful, stupid, wonderful man kneeling on the ground…

—

Knox

—

The crinkle of plastic hitting the ground made my ears twitch before two delicate, yet surprisingly strong, paws wrapped around my wrists. Tugging, Nick guided me to my feet and pulled my hands away from my face before dropping his hands to his sides and tilting his chin to lock eyes with me. “Knox?”

I swallowed hard against the rising lump in my throat, fighting not to hide my face again. I felt sick, and my stomach was burning, with little fluttery… things bumping about inside. “Mhmm?” was all I managed to squeak out.

“Did you buy those flowers tonight for me?”

I gulped against the lump in my throat before nodding, my eyes and cheeks going hot.

“You said this wasn’t a date, but… did you _want _to take me on a date tonight?”

The heat in my eyes spilled over my cheeks, dampening my fur in long tracks. “I…” a hiccup interrupted me, but I sniffled and pressed on. “No. I don’t know. No? Hell… maybe? Nick, I’ve… I’ve been so damn confused ever since you came home.” I let out a wet chuckle that sounded more like a sob. “What the hell is happening to me?”

Nick’s hands rose once more, hesitant, testing. His eyes searched mine, and when he stepped towards me again, I felt the warm puff of his breaths, shallow and quick against my fur. Time stretched, and everything started fading away — the truck, the muggy summer air, the trees, the stars, hell, even the mosquitos. His hands came to rest on my face, and Nick brushed a soft… so soft… thumb over my cheekbones, and I let out another sob before I leaned into his gentle, yet firm, hand.

“Knox?” he whispered.

“Yeah?” I breathed back.

“I’m going to do something… weird now. Is… is that okay?”

My tongue was numb, and my mouth went suddenly bone-dry. Working my jaw for a moment, when I finally managed to speak, my voice had dropped into the lowest register I had; a deep, gritty bass rumble that sounded more like a growl than actual words.

“Yeah.”

And the one and only Nick Southwell stretched up onto his tiptoes, slipped his slender arms around my neck. His eyes were glowing as he started leaning closer, and my heavy mitts slipping down to the curve of his waist and pulling him in was like the most natural thing in the world. Those beautiful stormy eyes drifted shut, his lips pursed…

And in his parent’s driveway, by the light of my beat-up truck’s headlights…

Nick Southwell kissed me.

—

To Be Continued

—

—

Knox

—

On what planet… no, in what universe am I lucky enough to have Nick Southwell kissing me? There wasn’t any scenario that I’d thought of while I was, well, over-thinking everything, that ended with this. Yeah, I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind—the memory of that drunken kiss last night had my insides all twisted up in knots.

But that kiss had nothing, and I mean nothing, on what was happening right now.

Eyes closed; impossibly soft lips pressed to my rough ones, the faint taste of lemonade still lingering on him. Nick resting his weight against me, the warmth of his body seeping through his shirt as my paws circled that slender waist. He trusted me to hold him up, hold him close, and the slight tremor running through him told me he needed both. And holding him close was exactly what I wanted, so, well… I did.

This wasn’t the bruising, frantic kiss from before. It was as tender, as gentle as the warm evening breeze that rustled through the wooded drive. My heart pounded in my chest, my entire body heating, and I’m not gonna lie; I’m as manly as they come, but when the piercing smack of Nick pulling away echoed around us, the ache inside me that grew from the his absence knocked the wind clean out of me.

Nick tilted his head back to look me in the eye. “Knox?” he whispered.

“Hnm?” I grunted, not quite ready to be capable of speech.

“What are you thinking?” His voice was so, so quiet, so contemplative, and when he moved to brush his thumb over my cheek, it sent my brain into overdrive. I could hardly think as he slipped his arm around my neck again.

“What?” I blinked, still coming down from the haze that kiss had put me in. “Uh. Nick. That was… a lot.” Nick frowned, and I haltingly added, “A… good lot? Yeah! It was, uh, good?” Stupid! Why the heck did I say it like a question? I let out a thready chuckle, one paw still resting on his waist while I ran the other through my hair. “I don’t think I was ready for that. Not in a bad way, I swear, just… surprised.” My voice betrayed me, cracking and going hoarse at the end. Smooth, Knox. Real smooth.

His smile faltered, his expression shifting like a sudden thunderstorm rolling in over the horizon. When he started pulling away, my stomach dropped like a rock. “Nick?” I said, voice quivering, asking some kind of question that I didn’t understand. Something was going wrong here, and the only thing I knew was that I had to fix it.

Nick separated from me and turned around, his shoulders stiff as he walked away. Every instinct I had was screaming at me to reach for him, close the distance, and stop him from hiding inside himself. But, I knew Nick. Pushing him only ever made him run further away. So, I forced myself to wait, my aching paws flexing uselessly at my sides.

It seemed like an eternity, but it was probably only like a minute before Nick’s shoulders slumped. He turned back toward me, and the way he didn’t quite look at me while his shoulders hunched over his chest made me ache all over. “I’m sorry, Knox.”

What? Sorry for what? He kissed me. I kissed him. Didn’t that mean… I dunno, something? Why did he think he needed to apologize?

“I shouldn’t have pushed you,” Nick said, his voice rough and low. His gaze dropped to the ground, and his arms swung limply for a moment before he hugged himself tightly, like he was trying to hold himself together. “It was too much, too fast, wasn’t it? I wanted to show you how I felt, but…” His breath hitched, and he shook his head a few times before muttering, “Why couldn’t I leave well enough alone? What’s wrong with me?”

“What? Nick, dude, there’s nothing wrong with you,” I said, reaching for him, but he flinched back as his arms tightened around him like he might turn them into a wall to throw between us. The tears brimming in his eyes were a sucker punch, pulling the air from my lungs. “Nick, stop. Please don’t…”

“You’re right to be confused,” he interrupted, his voice cracking. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I didn’t…” His words dissolved into a choked sob, and his eyes drifted away from me as he trembled. “Please don’t hate me. Not after I just got you back.”

That was it. Whatever had my feet frozen in place shattered, and I closed the distance in three long strides. He didn’t even see me coming, and when I slipped my paws under his arms and lifted him off the ground, his startled gasp almost broke me.

“Nick,” I said, my voice rough, my rough paws firm but as gentle as I knew how to make them as they held him aloft. “Listen to me. I don’t hate you. Not even close. This… this is new to me, yeah? And look, I’m real stupid. You’re gonna have to bear with me while I figure this out.”

He tried to look away, his tears slowing but still slipping down his cheeks, so I shook him gently—just enough to make him focus. “Nope. C’mon. Look at me.”

His gaze finally met mine, hesitant and unsure. I kept my eyes locked on him as I asked, “Can you tell me what made you think I hated you?”

“You looked confused, and stunned, and a little bit… ill,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “And when I asked what you were thinking, all you said was that it was a lot. That’s literally all you said. So, I knew I’d overwhelmed you…” He licked his lips, and I saw those eyes getting shiny again. Aw, hell. It was me, after all.

I sighed, setting him down carefully but keeping my paws firmly on his shoulders so he couldn’t escape. “You didn’t overwhelm me, Nick. You did surprise me, yeah, but it was in the best possible way.”

He stammered, words spilling out in a frantic rush. “I’m sorry, Knox. I didn’t mean to freak you out. I mean, it was—the roses, and you were being so sweet, and the mood was—God, I—”

“Nick.” My tone was low and growly, cutting through his rambling.

“W-what?” He looked at me like a deer in headlights, wide-eyed and ready to bolt.

“Shut up.” And before he said another word, I kissed him. Man, I kissed him hard. My arms wrapped around him, pulling him close as I poured everything I didn’t have words to say into that kiss. Every ounce of longing, of need, of reassurance. When he finally melted against me, his paws clutching at my shirt, I bent him back, savoring the way he fit perfectly in my arms.

Heh, bendy little pup.

Whoa. Okay, that was new. And… interesting. We’d have to explore that a little later, me and my subconscious, but now was not the time.

Nick sagged, turning to putty in my hands, and suddenly I saw it all so clear - him showing me around the big city someday, pride in his voice as he pointed out all his favorite spots. Us at the lake on hot summer days, his fur slicked down by the water, laughing as we raced each other just like we used to do. Simple little things, sure, but it was right in a way I couldn’t explain. And for once in my life, I didn’t even try.

When I pulled Nick to his feet and released him from my embrace, breaking the kiss at the same time, he whined, high and needy, and my pants started getting a little tight as that pulling sensation came back.

Oh. So that’s what that meant. And my walls cracked—just a little—and I needed more. So much more.

A deep growl rose from my throat. Nick shivered as the bass rumbled through him, and placing my palm flat in the center of his chest, I gently, but firmly, pushed.

Nick stumbled as I guided him backwards, his breath hitching, his heart drumming rapidly beneath my paw. We moved together, one step after the other, until he let out a soft, startled gasp as he hit the rough bark of the tree.

The way he looked up at me, eyes glowing with heat, mouth a rounded ‘O’ of surprise, this overwhelming urge to kiss him swelled up inside me. I’d been denying this part of me for too long.

I’m done pretending I don’t want to lose control.

So, I kissed him. Softly at first, the barest whisper of a touch. Then I kissed him hard, and when he finally opened for me, I slipped my tongue inside, exploring every inch of his beautiful maw. We kissed until our lips were puffy and swollen, and panting for air.

Pausing for a moment to recover, Nick looked up at me with a molten gaze, and I’d have kissed him all over again if he hadn’t spoken. “You… you’re sure you want to do this?”

I had feelings, but still no words, so I had to sorta… let go. Our lips met again, gentle again, and I let my paws roam; exploring, savoring every touch. I found my way to the first button of his shirt, hesitating, but only for a second. When Nick’s fingers closed over mine, steadying me, I popped it open, moving down one button at a time, savoring the warmth from his fur beneath.

I broke away from claiming his face with my mouth to nose underneath his floppy right ear, the one with that gorgeous silver cuff, and in a fit of utter insanity, I breathed, “Wanna do something weird with me?”

A tremor ran through the man I had pinned to a tree, and he groaned, which sent an answering zing up my spine. Fucking yes! “Knox?” The way he whined out my name was the most beautiful fucking thing I’d ever heard.

“Yeah?” Stroking the back of my paw against his cheek, I pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

He leaned into my touch, nuzzling against my hand. Letting out the happiest sigh, he looked me right in the eyes and whispered…

“Do it. Let’s get weird.”

A grin spread across my face, and a low chuckle rumbled its way from my chest. “Okay? Yeah… okay! Let’s see what you got, city boy.”

A smirk played across my lips as I lifted Nick up and pressed him against the tree, reveling in his sinful groan. But as my desire for him grew stronger, so did my inner turmoil. Was I really going to do this? Take things to the next level with someone who supposedly wanted to be nothing more than a casual companion?

“Knox,” he panted, eyes filled with emotions I didn’t quite understand. I eased up for a moment, just looking at him. Was this too much for him? Crap, had I gone too far this time? I’d wanted to let him catch his breath, but he snaked his hand around the back of my head and pulled me in for a bruising kiss. “Knox,” he whispered again, and this time his voice brimmed with a need so plain, even I couldn’t miss it. “Knox, please don’t stop…”

And I had stopped for a moment, unsure of how far I should take this. But when Nick’s pleading voice urged me on, I gave in to him. Yet even as we continued to grind against each other in the heat of the moment, I couldn’t shake the notion that something wasn’t right.

Nick wriggled in my grasp, pressing his butt back into me. And shit, he was grinding right against my- “Come on, man!” He let out a breathy chuckle. “I’m good.” More grinding against me, and it took all the strength I had not to pop right then and there. “So, so good,” he said in a low, heated voice.

Finally breaking away from him, I caught my breath and looked up at his house nearby. This wasn’t where I wanted to make love to Nick for the first time. He deserved better than a quick hook-up in his parents’ driveway.

There was a bed less than five minutes away, and come hell or high water, I was going to get him into it.

“Nick?” I whispered.

He let out a little frustrated growl, and even though his pants were that loose fit he always preferred, I could still make out the outline of a bulge there. Nope! Stay strong, man. You can do this. “What?” Concern marred that beautiful heated look he’d been giving me. “What’s wrong?”

“I… it’s nothing. But, uh, let’s maybe go somewhere else?” I gave him a quick kiss on the nose, followed by a lick on the same spot, which caused him to splutter adorably. “Come on. Get back in the truck.”

But as we headed towards my pickup, I was both excited, and conflicted, about what was growing between us. What was this to him, and for that matter, what was this to me? Is this physical attraction or is it something… more? Did either of us actually want more? And am I ready to face the consequences of exploring all these feelings?

—

Nick

—

We didn’t speak as we piled back into Knox’s truck and drove the handful of minutes up to the house. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it carried weight, like there were words hovering ever-so-slightly out of reach. I caught myself glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, searching for something—a sign, a clue—that might tell me what was going on in his head. Was he having second thoughts about this? About us?

Before my doubts started to spiral, Knox cut the engine. He fixed his eyes on me, and there was a smoldering intensity there that made my breath hitch. Without a word, he leaned across the cab and kissed me. He wasn’t gentle or questioning. No, this one burned with the kind of heat that made my heart race. When he finally pulled back, his paw lingered on my cheek, his thumb brushing over my fur. “Stay right there,” he said, his voice low and rumbly before jumping down out of the cab and jogging around to my side of the truck.

I sat there, stunned, my lips tingling and my thoughts spinning in a hundred directions. The kiss had been everything I wanted… but was it everything he wanted? Knox was a mystery wrapped in contradictions. One moment he seemed frozen, unsure of what this meant for him. The next, he was kissing me like his life depended on it. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know which version of Knox was the real one.

He opened my door and reached out, his broad, calloused hands beckoning me. “Come on,” he said, his voice softer now, but no less certain. “I gotchu.”

Something about the way he spoke now—gentle, almost pleading—made my chest tighten. I wanted to believe him, to believe in this… whatever this was. But my uncertainty lingered, along with a less-than-reassuring voice in the back of my mind whispering that perhaps he didn’t know what he wanted, either.

I hesitated for only a moment before pushing the doubt aside. As long as he said he was ready, I’d do my damnedest to believe him. I leaped into his arms without a second thought, and he caught me with an amused grunt. “Oof!” he said, hoisting me up into his arms with a grin. At that moment, everything seemed so simple. Easy. Just like it used to be. I laughed—a real, unrestrained laugh that almost sounded unfamiliar, like something I’d been hiding for years. I snuggled deep into his arms, letting go and seeing where the night took us.

Since his arms were full of, well, me, he fumbled with the doorknob. Good thing I forgot to lock it, I guess—it’s not like we’d ever bothered locking our doors way out here in the sticks, anyway. After a couple of tries, he was successful, and turning sideways, he stepped into the house.

As Knox kicked the door closed, though, I caught a flicker of something in his eyes. It was only for a second, but it was unmistakably hesitation that flashed in his eyes. A crack in that mask of cool confidence. My chest tightened as he settled me on my feet. Which version of Knox was the real one? The man who carried me like I was precious, or the one who was still uncertain?

As we kicked off our shoes, the range hood light from the kitchen cast a dim glow through the entryway. It wasn’t much; just bright enough that his feline eyes glowed—no, literally glowed—in the light. He blinked them slowly as a lazy smile settled onto his features. “Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey,” I murmured back, settling my palms on his broad chest and leaning into him.

“You’re, uh…” One paw settled on my waist while the other moved to rub at the back of his neck as he looked away. “You’re, like, really cute. Just… wow.”

“Aww.” I chuckled, but buried my face in his chest to hide what I’m certain was the world’s sappiest grin. “You’re sweet.”

“You’re sweeter. I should know.” Tilting my chin upward, I found him leering back at me. “After all, I’ve had a taste, now.”

That was it. I melted against him, pressing as close as I could manage. Hell, if I’d thought I could squeeze underneath that stupid, sexy, sleeveless flannel, I’d have done it.

Well, there was always the next best thing. Paws shaking, I started unbuttoning his shirt. It was well-worn, and the buttons came unfastened with ease. Once the shirt slipped off, I ran my paws up Knox’s sides to his shoulders. His full-body shiver at my touch was… wrong, though. It definitely wasn’t pleasure; no, it was something else. His breath hitched for a moment, and he caught my wrists before pulling me into a kiss, but it wasn’t the same; he was holding something back. I barely had time to process that before he pulled away entirely, crossing his arms over his stomach and looking away.

“Knox? What’s wrong?” This bizarre mood lighting was giving me a headache, so I grabbed one of his wrists and pulled him over to the couch, flipping on the lights as we passed by.

After we sat side-by-side, not quite touching, Knox let out a deep sigh. “Nothing’s wrong. Not exactly. I mean yes, there’s something, but it’s probably not as big a deal as I’m making it out to be. It’s stupid. I’m stupid—”

I punched him in the shoulder. Not as hard as I was capable of, really, but pretty damn close. That finally made him look at me again, confusion writ large on his face. “Knox?”

“Uh… yeah?”

I grabbed his chin and locked him in place so he couldn’t look away again. “You’re not stupid. Besides, aren’t we friends?”

“I, well…” he twisted against my grip for a moment before letting his shoulders sag. Knox settled for closing his eyes as he let out a snort. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “Are we friends? You never said, and you know I hate assumptions.”

Releasing him, I wrapped my arms around his soft, muscled-yet-cushiony midsection. Squeezing tightly, I was delighted at how deliciously solid he was, a grounding presence I’d missed so, so badly. “Knox,” I mumbled into his furry side, “I don’t kiss people who aren’t my friends.”

He gave a start, and I was worried that he’d pull away. But no. Instead, he wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me closer. I breathed him in, the scent of his deodorant slightly spicy as it tickled my nose. He rumbled contentedly, and I nuzzled into him. “So,” he said in a measured voice, “What are we to each other, Nick?”

Okay, now I was confused. “Like I said, we’re friends. Just friends. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I’m…” He audibly swallowed. “I’m not so sure, anymore.”

“Oh…” It was like someone had beaned me with a fastball. Just wham!, straight to my stomach. “Did I, um… was it something I did?”

“I mean, yeah, kinda?” Knox released me and let me sit up before twisting on the couch to face me. “Nick, I’m sorry, but… I don’t think be ‘just friends’ with you. There’s no way. Not after tonight. Not after everything you did to me.” He looked me up and down. “What you’re still doing to me. It’s just not something I want, not anymore. I really thought I could do ‘friends’, right up ‘til we made it in the house, but the more time I spend with you, the closer you get to me, the more that seems like…” Knox paused, licking his lips. “It seems, I dunno, wrong?”

“Oh.” His words dropped the bottom out of my stomach hard, and I let go to shuffle as far away from him as the couch would permit. When I glanced up, he was just looking at me, head tilted, expression blank. God, I couldn’t even look at him without my heart pounding in my chest, and my stomach soured, so I looked away. “Oh,” I said again. Limbs numb, I stood and stumbled into the kitchen, only dimly aware that someone was calling my name.

Space. I needed space. What does he mean? I tried—and utterly failed— to quiet the thousand different thoughts that were screaming in my head. Is he saying he made a mistake? That he doesn’t want… Water. I needed water. I reached up and picked out a glass from the cupboard over the sink. He doesn’t want to be friends? I thought… I thought he wanted this. Mechanically, I filled the glass from the tap and leaned my back against the counter.

I really thought he wanted me.

I didn’t even realize how badly I was shaking until the cup slipped from my paw, shattering on the tile floor in an explosion of shards and water.

That was the last straw. I let out a sob, crumpling to the floor. Everything kept breaking, and it was always my fault. I was so wrapped up in my emotions that I didn’t hear Knox’s footsteps pounding hastily into the kitchen. Barely registered it when he picked me up and stood me straight. When his hesitant paw touched my cheek, I batted him away. “Stop it!” I hissed. “You just said you don’t want that! Do you not get how confusing it is? What you’re doing to me?!” Sniffling, I wiped my eyes on the back of my wrist. “I don’t understand.” My voice was rough and so impossibly brittle that it didn’t even sound like me. I never cried, not even when I was getting beat up on the regular back in high school, but this, this… betrayal—was that the right word? No, not exactly, but it worked for now—had tears streaming down my cheeks, making my fur damp and itchy where they trailed off to join the mess on the floor. Eyes burning and clouded with emotions I didn’t care to suppress anymore, I stood rooted to the spot. Vaguely, I knew my knees were stinging, but I was so far beyond caring about that right now.

“And you didn’t help, you know! I thought you were into it, into me, I even checked to make absolutely sure, and you said yes, and you kissed me, and—”

Knox scooped me up in that princess carry again and started walking me to the bathroom, his booted feet crunching on the kitchen tile. I struggled against him at first, even kicking my legs and pummeling his chest, but through everything I did, he held up rock solid beneath me. Eventually, he set me down on the side of the tub before digging through the medicine cabinet. I’d worn myself out, what with the crying and the little tantrum I’d thrown, and so my tired eyes stared at his back, Knox’s bared muscles flexing as he pawed through the supplies. It isn’t fair; I thought. Even when I’m mad at him, he’s still gorgeous.

When faced me again, I was stunned to see the tracks of tears running down his face, too. “Knox? What—”

“Just stop for a minute, okay?” He knelt down with a pair of tweezers in one paw and a wad of gauze in the other. “Can you let me do this? You fell in the broken glass, and I need to get it out and clean you up.” Knox moved like he was going to cup my cheek, but seemed to think better of it, bracing himself right above my knee instead.

He worked in silence, his brows furrowed in concentration, and I was surprised at how gentle his rough, callused paws were as they poked and prodded. And I ached for that touch on me, on my body, but now I knew deep down that it would never happen. A handful of minutes later, Knox was wrapping a roll of gauze (that I hadn’t noticed him grabbing, like, at all) around the cuts on my legs.

The dead air between us seemed to grow with every passing minute. I didn’t have words—ha! Me, the hot-shot lawyer, the former captain of the debate team, with no words—and so I just sat there staring mutely at this man who was equal parts confusing and caring.

I didn’t protest when he picked me up again and carried me to my room. Knox paused for a moment as he flicked on the light and looked about; it was a far cry from the band and movie posters he’d seen last time he was in here. Then he laid me out on the bed, ever-so-gently resting my head on the fluffy pillows, before turning and walking away.

I propped myself up, staring at his retreating back. “Knox? Wait, please don’t—”

He froze for a moment. “Nick, I want…” Tension coiled in his neck and shoulders, his muscles bunching up so tightly that he his head bowed. I breathed; one breath, two breaths, three… and eventually he sighed, but none of that tension left his body. “I’m going to clean up the kitchen. You stay there. Rest.” Knox must’ve heard me sliding to get out of bed, because he rounded on me with a harsh expression that instantly softened when I flinched. “Sorry, I… Look, get some rest, pup. I’ll be back. Promise.”

Reluctantly, I laid down again, and he flicked off the light as he left. The resulting darkness seemed, I dunno, right, somehow? It enveloped me in an absence of stimulation that was incredibly comforting, and I let myself float, listening to the tinkling of glass shards and the wet slap of a mop. I wondered for a moment how he found the cleaning supplies, but then I chuckled to myself—of course he knew where everything was. My parents might’ve remodeled, but everything was still in the same places they had always been.

It was simultaneously forever, and all too soon, when Knox’s heavy footsteps thudded into my room. He’d turned out the rest of the lights when he joined me, and in the moonlight streaming in through my window, I saw that he was still bare-chested, his white chest fur almost glowing. He thumped around to the other side of the bed, and sat heavily, bouncing me a couple of times with the force. And we sorta just existed in the same space for a bit, neither one of us seeming to know where to go from here.

Eventually, Knox took a deep breath, and laced his fingers behind the back of his head. “Nick?” His voice was hesitant, questioning.

“What?” Damn it, my voice was cracking. Seriously, Nick, keep it together!

“I, er, wanted to say… sorry.”

I rolled my eyes. At least the sass was working. “For what? You told me how you feel. I’m the one who overreacted, making us into something we weren’t. Don’t apologize for that.”

“No, I-I didn’t.”

When the rest of that thought never materialized, I let out a frustrated huff. “Knox, I’m too tired to drag this out of you. You didn’t what? Come on, man, I don’t have the energy to play games right now—”

“I mean, I didn’t tell you how I feel!” The words tumbled out of him as I watched his shoulders tense. He let out a big breath of air that did nothing to relax his tightly wound muscles. “Like I said, I’m real stupid, and—”

I rolled onto my side and thumped him in the back, hard enough to drive the wind out of him, and shouted, “Stop talking about my friend that way!”

Knox’s back straightened before he bent over to cough a few times to catch his breath. “But,” he said with a thick voice, “I told you, that’s not what I want—”

Something snapped in my brain. “Well, I don’t care! I’m friends with you, damn it! Even if you don’t want me, even if you hate me, I don’t care.” I huffed, glaring at his unmoving back. “And stop saying you’re stupid,” I said with a grimace. “You’re not, never have been. You’re the smartest guy I know.”

A long moment of silence passed between us before he blurted out, “I am stupid, though!”

“Knox, I swear to God—”

“And it has to be true, because I still haven’t told you yet!” Now Knox shot up and whirled on me, his wild stare filled with pain, and his paws flying up to fist in his hair. He was panting out ragged breaths, and on top of all that he was crying again, and… something about seeing this man with all his carefully controlled masks breaking apart, seeing him lose control in the worst possible way, made my heart ache.

“So why don’t you tell me?” I sighed as I patted the other side of the bed. “It’s okay—you can try again.”

He sank back into a seated position on the mattress next to me, but he was facing away from me again. Grimacing, I put as much force into my voice as I could muster and said, “Nope! Nope, not like this. You don’t get to hide from me this time, Knox! You turn around and face me this instant, y’hear?!”

To my amazement, the burly tiger complied. His boots thudded to the floor as he kicked them off again—when had he put those back on, anyway?—and the mattress dipped in the middle as he laid down and rolled to face me. I had to balance carefully to avoid pitching forward into him.

He was quiet for several minutes, and I saw his jaw working. I knew that meant he was searching for his words, so I let him be. I couldn’t help it; the exhaustion started catching up with me, and my eyes fluttered, but I roused a bit when Knox finally spoke.

“I don’t want to be friends with you,” he whispered. “It’s not possible. Not anymore.”

Sigh. “Knox, we’ve been over this. I get it—”

“No, you don’t!” He let out a growl, rolling onto his back and hiding his face in his paws with a groan. “God, why can’t I get this right?” He whined before mumbling, “C’mon, man. I gotta get this right…”

“I’m sorry I interrupted you.” With a cautious paw, I reached out and gripped his bicep. “Take your time. It’s my house, after all,” I said with a wry chuckle. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Nick, I—” Knox’s muffled voice came through his hands, and when he dropped them, his paws twitched like he needed to have something there to hold on to, but he didn’t seem to know what that something was. His jaw clenched, his entire body tensing like a wound spring, and the effort it took him to simply look in my direction nearly broke me.

“Damn it, why is this so hard?” His voice cracked on that last word, and he let out a rough laugh that lacked even the slighted trace of humor. Knox’s ears flattened back onto his head, and I caught sight of his tail curling around his waist. And for the first time, I understood the unfamiliar emotion that had taken over my friend’s entire body.

It was fear. Big, tough, invincible Knox Madison was absolutely terrified.

“I don’t… fuck, I can’t mess this up again.” His breathing grew ragged, his chest rising and falling in stuttering, jerky motions. Rubbing his hands over his face again, he exhaled sharply before choking out, “I keep getting it wrong. I know I do.”

I swallowed hard, my stomach twisting at the rawness of his voice. Slowly, I reached out a hand to him, and when my fingers tightened on his arm, he flinched, but didn’t pull away. “Easy, buddy,” I murmured, voice as gentle as possible. “Getting what wrong?”

He let out a strangled noise, something between a groan and a sigh, before slipping his trembling paw under my shirt, brushing it over my side. The heat in his touch hit me like a bolt of lightning, and I shivered slightly.

“Nick…”

“That’s me,” I whispered with a cautious upward tilt of my lips. Earlier, I had pulled away at his affections, but the way he was looking at me gave me pause. He looked needy, and confused, and sad. But it was mostly sad, and in that moment I would’ve given my right arm to see that look wiped away.

“Oh, God…” he breathed, licking his lips, his eyes searching mine like he was looking for permission to say the right words, to finally bridge this yawning chasm between us.

So, I gave it to him. “It’s okay, buddy.” A quick squeeze of his arm, and I nodded to him. “Try again. I’m here.”

Knox groaned, raking a paw through his short, glossy hair. “Nick, I—damn it, you’re gonna make me say it out loud, aren’t you?” he said, voice all growly, his frustration oozing off of him. His expressive eyes stared at mine in desperation, and I shivered when he placed a broad hand on my shoulder. “Nick, I don’t…” He shuffled closer, heat rolling off his body in waves. Blinking rapidly, he clenched his jaw, and through gritted teeth, he said, “I don’t kiss my friends, Nick. Never have.”

What? “But you kissed me,” I said numbly.

“Nick, I only kiss someone when I want, well… when I want more.” Knox’s voice wavered at that last word, like he wasn’t sure he should’ve said it out loud. And he ducked his head, like he was bracing for a physical impact.

My heart froze in my chest, and everything slowed, like I was standing on the edge of a cliff and about to dive into something I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen before. That hesitant, uncertain sentence Knox said whirled around and around in my head, slotting things together like puzzle pieces I didn’t even realize were missing. He doesn’t kiss friends. He only kisses someone when he wants…

He wants…

“Oh,” My breath hitched. Then again, louder. “Oh.” And I twitched, a whole-body jolt like my nerves had finally caught up to my brain. “You mean you want— what, with me?!”

Knox was chewing on his thumb claw, and had shrunk so far into himself that I almost thought I’d somehow grown bigger than him. But after I’d finally responded to him, he dropped his paw onto the mattress between us and exhaled sharply. “I—” He swallowed hard as his eyes started glistening in the moonlight. “I finally got it out,” he whispered, looking at me like he didn’t know if he should be relieved, or terrified. He was trembling—not enough to be visible, but the bed was shaking, and I felt it again when he draped a tense arm around me, burying his muzzle in my hair where his sharp, shuddery breaths puffed against my head. He didn’t tug me in, though. It was like he was leaving room for me to pull away, to tell him no, that he’d gotten it wrong yet again.

I froze. Just for a minute, until my heart caught up with the rest of my body.

He thought I was gonna leave him now?

Not a chance, buddy.

I flung my arm around him, burrowing the other beneath his neck as I pressed myself tightly against him, burying my face in his chest fur. And the tension finally left him as he sagged with relief, like I’d somehow lifted all of his burdens from his shoulders.

I wriggled just free enough to breathe. “Okay, so…” I nervously licked my suddenly dry lips. “We really gotta work on your communication skills, buddy. That was, uh… rough. So, like, to be clear, are you asking me to be your, well… boyfriend?”

He nodded vigorously, then frowned and shook his head. “I, uh, don’t know how to do this,” Knox murmured, breath hot as his words ghosted through my hair. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head before continuing in that small ghost of a voice that sounded somehow contained both uncertainty and a rock-solid conviction. Truly, a man of contradictions. “I just know that I… I want you, Nick.” Knox squeezed me tight, like he was afraid I was going to disappear on him. “And I know I don’t want to mess this up, so… lets figure it out together, yeah?” He nuzzled against the top of my head, and when I stroked in between his shoulder blades, a low, throaty purr filled the room. We stayed like that for a while, and when he finally spoke again, his voice was still barely above a whisper.

“I’ll get it right this time.”

—

Knox

—

Nick tilted his head to plant the most tender kiss I’d ever experienced on my collarbone before he snuggled even deeper into my arms.

“Together,” he sighed contentedly.

We laid there, alone but together, cuddling against each other, for, well, I didn’t know how long. Time didn’t seem to matter anymore, somehow, not with Nick’s warm breaths puffing through the fur on my chest.

Okay, so this isn’t exactly what I’d had in mind when I said I was going to get him into bed, but I didn’t have any regrets. He was here, snuggled up in my arms, and he finally, finally, understood. He knew I wanted him, and he wanted me too. I couldn’t help myself, and I squeezed him tight, crushing him against my body. He let out a squeaky bark of laughter, but hugged me oh-so-tight in return. My paws brushed up and down Nick’s back as I relaxed my grip, and he made a sound that was almost something like a purr. When I scratched my claws into his silky golden fur, he shivered and twitched as I found every sensitive spot I could reach without letting him go.

After a while, Nick’s body went loose, and his breathing grew measured and even. He let out a soft snore, and that was my cue to let him get some rest. I carefully extracted myself from his now noodly arms, and sat on the edge of the bed to put on my boots. My brain was telling me I should go—that this had been a lot for both of us tonight, more than I’d ever expected—but my chest ached at the thought of walking away. Nick looked so perfect, so at peace in the moonlight that for the first time, maybe my brain didn’t know what the fuck it was talking about. It was impossible to resist giving him one more kiss, and I placed my paws on the bed to lean across and give him a peck on the forehead.

“M’headed out, Nick. Sweet dreams,” I whispered into his fur before trying to stand up.

‘Tried’, because Nick’s hand darted out and grabbed my wrist, the strength of his grip shocking me for the second time tonight. “Nick, what-”

His eyes cracked open, and he tugged me closer. “Don’t go…” he mumbled.

“Buddy, I gotta go. You need to sleep.” I twisted my arm to gently free myself so he’d finally rest, but he wasn’t having any of it, and he tightened his grip.

“Knox…” Nick’s eyes fluttered a moment, but he forced them open. He needed this—no, he needed me. “Please, just…” He finally loosened his hold on my wrist, but his molten gaze never left mine for a moment. “Please, stay?”

“Fuck,” I breathed, and I knew it’d be impossible to leave him. Not tonight.

Maybe never.

“Okay. You want me to take the couch, or…?” I hovered, knowing what answer I hoped for, but still uncertain if I was moving too fast, or —

“Mmn-mmm.” Nick shook his head. “Stay with me.”

“Okay,” I breathed, a wave of relief washing over me. “Okay,” as a smile tugged at the corners of my lips and a fondness for this perfect, special man glowed in my chest. But there was something we needed to address…

“Nick, can you stand? Unless you wanna sleep with your clothes on…”

He groaned and heaved his sleep-heavy body out of bed. Nick didn’t do anything else, though; just stood there, swaying, as his head bobbed. “Help?” he mumbled, raising his arms towards me.

“You want me to… uh, okay?” I licked my lips, trying not to linger on the thought of undressing him. There’s nothing sexual about this. All this is, is getting ready for bed… You can do this!

So, I stepped around the bed and grabbed one of his wrists. Unbuttoning the cuffs, I helped him slide out of the shirt before turning around so he could take off his pants, and there was the sliding of cloth over fur before Nick’s sleepy voice piped up again. “Are y’really gonna sleep in your jeans? Like, you can if you want, but you don’t have to.”

Heat crept up my neck and burned through my cheeks, all the way up into my ears. “Um… no, I guess?” Still not looking at him, I fumbled with the button on my pants for a moment before finally getting it undone and sliding them off. They got caught on my ankle, and I kicked a bit, hopping on one leg before landing them in the room’s corner.

Nick made a strangled noise. I turned, and he was standing there, perfectly pressed slacks folded in his arms. His eyes were glued to me, and that adorable, fluffy golden tail was whipping back and forth while his mouth hung slightly ajar. “Knox…” Nick swallowed hard, dropping the pants in an unceremonious ball on the floor as he took a jerky step towards me. “You’re… wow, you’re actually here. In my room.” He stopped mere inches from me, resting his paws on my chest. “D’you, uh, wanna…?” The question trailed off as he looked up at me with a heated expression that was slightly undercut by the enormous yawn that immediately followed.

I let out a warm chuckle, pulling him closer to press a kiss to the top of his head. “Yes. Absolutely, yes.” I guided him over to his side of the bed—oh. Does that mean I have a side of his bed? Not his bed, our bed… Wow—and pulled back the covers, easing him down and tucking him in. Nick had this adorable pout, but it was obvious that he was losing the struggle to keep his eyes open. “Later, bud. You need sleep, and so do I.”

He nodded sleepily, wriggling deeper beneath the sheets as I walked around and slid in next to him. Laying on my back, I didn’t know what to do with my arms, so I folded them beneath my head before letting loose with a yawn of my own. “G’night, Nick.”

Nick let out a dissatisfied grunt, and the bed rocked as he rolled over and clamped on to me, resting his head on my chest, and snuggling closer with a satisfied chirp. “Now it’s good night,” he murmured, and was asleep in seconds.

I lowered my arms around him to tuck him even closer and smiled as sleep crept up on me. Cuddling Nick Southwell, unbelievably, was where I found myself; my last thoughts before darkness were of wishing this moment would last forever.

—

The coffeepot burbled happily as I flipped another pancake onto a growing stack. It was a beautiful morning, the sun streaming in through the windows and casting everything in a golden glow. Shifting on my feet, I scratched absently at my chest as I set the spatula down and poured more batter onto the griddle. I had to admit, this was a hell of a nice way to start the day.

Nick shuffled in behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder. He was still half-asleep, hair sticking up every which way, wearing a loose t-shirt that barely came down to the waistband of his briefs.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” I reached out and ruffled his hair as he reached for the cupboard with the coffee mugs. “I, uh, hope you like ‘em a little crispy.”

Nick snorted, stretching with a groan as he shuffled over to the coffeepot. “I didn’t have to cook. So not complaining.”

I flipped the next round of pancakes, chuckling to myself. This was a far cry from last night’s tense scene. He was relaxed, comfy, and for the moment, so was I. We’d slipped back into our old habits so easily, with the rhythm of us in the kitchen, the graceful way we moved around each other—it seemed so natural, and I reveled in the domestic bliss. He set his coffee cup on the counter and rummaged in the fridge for the orange juice, and without thinking, I handed him a glass. Our fingertips brushed together, and neither of us shied away.

It felt good. Solid. Like this really wasn’t some passing fling. For either of us.

Then the front door swung open.

“Nick! We’re home early! Something smells wonderful, are you cooking breakfast?”

Nick’s mother’s unmistakable voice sent a chill rolling down my spine. Nick stiffened, and I turned, spatula still in hand, as Richard and Connie Southwell stepped into the kitchen. Her eyes locked on me, and whatever warmth she’d had in her voice fled in an instant.

Her face darkened, and the stormy eyes that looked exactly like Nick’s flashed as her hands balled into fists. “Get out,” she snapped.

I flinched, and Nick put a paw on my arm. “Mom—”

“Get away from him, Nicholas.” Her hackles rose, and she growled as she bared her teeth. “Now, sweetie.”

I stared at her, gripping the spatula so hard the wooden handle creaked. This was so not how I’d imagined meeting his parents again. I certainly wouldn’t have done it in my boxers, at least. That sharp tone, the instant dismissal… I’d almost expected it, but it still cast a bitter taste over my tongue.

I flipped the stove off, setting down the spatula with care. The griddle needed to come off the heat, so I picked up a potholder and was in the middle of moving it aside when Richard’s voice barked out, “What the hell happened to you?”

Nick’s father was staring at his son’s knees, all wrapped in gauze. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going through his mind—he saw me, saw the bandages, put two and two together and made five.

My jaw clenched, and I balled up my fists. Forcing myself to not react was a battle I nearly lost, but this wasn’t my fight. Not yet. I didn’t care what they thought of me, though a part of me had always hoped to be at least get to friendly with them. But they wouldn’t have listened to me, anyway. Nick was the only one who stood a chance of getting through to them.

He swallowed hard, glaring at his parents, the back-and-forth in his mind tugging at him. ‘Should I stay quiet? Or fight back?’

His mother’s ire returned to me. “I won’t say it again. Get out of my house,” Connie said through gritted teeth.

Nick met my gaze, and something deep in my chest knotted up tight. It wasn’t anger, not this time. It felt a whole hell of a lot more like my least favorite emotion—doubt. I may not have cared what Richard and Connie thought of me, but apparently, I cared an awful lot about what Nick thought. I leaned over to whisper in his ear. “Nick, say the word, and I’m gone. It’ll be okay. We can talk this through another time.”

My eyes were fixed on him, and only him. This wasn’t about his parents. It wasn’t even about me. It was about Nick.

No, that wasn’t right either. This was about us.

A single, forceful word rang out through the kitchen.

“No.”

Nick’s voice was firm and unyielding, and he squared his shoulders while jutting his chin out at his parents. Silence fell, thick and suffocating, and I faced his parents again.

His mother was frozen, blinking, with her mouth hanging open, and Richard looked like he’d been transformed into one of those wax statues, expressionless and silent. I exhaled slowly before turning back to Nick, watching him closely.

His arm wrapped around my waist, and I reflexively draped mine around his back to pull him close. His heartbeat was almost audible in the quiet space he now commanded. “I’m not asking him to leave. I don’t want him to. He stays.”

Connie inhaled sharply, but Nick cut her off before she spoke. “No, Mom. You don’t get to make this decision for me.” He squeezed me tight, but his body still trembled. Is that anger, or nerves? Probably both. “I’m an adult now, and I get to make my own decisions. I said he stays; he stays.”

“He’s not welcome here,” his mother said, venom dripping from her every word. “What he did to you is unforgivable. He can’t be trusted, and I won’t have him in my house!”

“Knox?” Nick looked up at me, his lips pressed into a thin line, expression a mask of determination. “Go to my room and get dressed. I need to have a chat with my parents.”

“You sure? I can, like, leave. I don’t want to get between you and your parents—”

“Do you actually want to leave?” Nick’s eyebrow lifted as he waited for my to answer.

I considered my next words for only a moment, before settling on the single word that seemed to be the theme of this morning. “No.”

“Good.” Nick squeezed me tightly. “Go get dressed. I’ll be there in a minute, promise.”

He slid his arm off me, and I slowly paced to his room again, casting a backwards glance at my b- er, at Nick. His fiery glare burned as he faced down his enraged parents. Raised voices came from behind the door as I closed it—not quite yelling, but definitely heated.

I’d pulled on my pants and boots, and was casting around for my shirt when Nick walked in, shaking from head to toe and holding my flannel. I’d completely forgotten that I left it in the living room, and when he held it out to me, I took it, slipping it on and doing up the buttons. In the meantime, Nick pulled on a pair of gym shorts and started throwing things into his luggage. “So,” he said with a tremor in his voice. “I know this is like, way sudden, but uh…” he licked his lips and ran a paw through his messy hair. “could I, like, stay with you for a while?”

My stomach fluttered, and my thoughts raced as I tried to figure out what was happening. “I mean, yeah, of course, but what’s wrong with here?” Bile rose in my throat as a fury heated my chest. “Wait, they didn’t fucking kick you out, did they? I swear to God I’ll—”

He put a hand to the side of my cheek, and the fight drained out of me at his tender touch. “They didn’t kick me out. I told them I wanted you to stay here, with me, and they wouldn’t back down, so I told them I was going with you, wherever that was.” His eyes searched mine, body stiff. He was giving me the chance to, I don’t know, second-guess myself? To walk away? Instead, I pulled him in for a hug, and he sagged against me and wrapped his arms around my back.

“Nick, if you’re sure this is what you want—”

“It is,” he said firmly, all traces of hesitation burned away.

“Okay, then.” I let him go and hid my face so that he didn’t see my eyes getting misty. He’d chosen me. Stood in the kitchen, in the house that had been his sanctuary for years, faced down his loving, doting parents, and chosen me. Try as I might, I couldn’t disguise the sniffle as I tried to compose myself, and when I finally returned to him, I prayed my face reflected the warmth and caring he’d shown me. I picked up a crumpled pair of socks and stuffed them in his duffel bag. “I’ve gotchu. Let’s get you packed up, yeah?”

I carried his luggage while Nick hauled his laptop bag, and we made our way to the door. His parents were sitting on the couch in the living room, Richard rubbing his wife’s back while Connie seethed. She stood when she saw us going, calling after Nick as he slipped into his shoes. “He’s only going to hurt you, honey!” I gritted my teeth. She was probably right for the first time since she came in, but I’d be damned if I wouldn’t do everything possible to avoid that. “You’re making a mistake!”

Nick opened the front door, ushering me out, and called over his shoulder as he walked away from his parents’ home. “He might. And yeah, this might be a mistake.” I flinched and went to pull away, but he threaded his arm through mine and tugged me toward the truck. “But it’s my mistake to make. He’s worth it, Mom. You’ll see.”

—

Nick

—

Knox chucked my luggage in the back of his pickup as I climbed into the passenger seat. I was fumbling with the seatbelt when he swung himself up into the cab. My hands were shaking so hard I couldn’t slot the damn thing into the buckle, and I was cursing under my breath when Knox’s paws slid over mine, dwarfing them in an instant. “Nick, it… it’s going to be okay. You’re okay.” He took the buckle from me and clicked it into place before firing up the truck and turning it around. Suddenly, we were heading away from a house that no longer felt entirely like home.

Through the back window, the house got further and further away. I kept hoping to see my mom come running outside, begging me to stay, telling me she’d work things out with Knox, that she’d do it for me… but the front door stayed frustratingly shut until the house was out of sight behind the wooded drive.

I sagged against the beat-up bench seat as we rumbled down the road and realized I honest-to-God had no clue where we were going. Oh, shit, wait a minute, I thought, and hugged myself tight. “Knox, you, uh, don’t still live with your mom, do you?”

He reached over and gave my thigh a squeeze. “Don’t you worry that pretty little head. I’ve got my own place. I think I mentioned that once or twice, in passing. But…” he scratched the back of his head, ducking away from me as much as possible without taking his eyes off the road. “It’s not like your folk’s place; it’s not nice or nothin’. Just a few rooms and a couch. It’s, well, a little rough. Weren’t like I was having company.”

Oh, man. I hadn’t thought about it, but Knox had to be pretty stressed, too. His drawl was leaking out of his every word, and he was rapidly drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. I cleared my throat against the sudden tightness of it, and said, “If you want, I can probably get a room at the Burnside Motel. You don’t have to put me up—”

Knox pulled off to the side of the road onto the dirt shoulder, slamming the gearshift into park. He unbuckled my seatbelt, and I let out a squeak as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and yanked me to the middle of the seat, right up against him. He was so, so warm, so solid, and I only resisted for a moment before burrowing into him. “Nick, you listening to me?”

His tone was deadly serious, almost more of a statement than a question. “Y-yeah?” I couldn’t hide the tremor in my voice.

“Good, ‘cause I’m only gonna say this one more time.” He pulled away enough for my eyes to meet his, and I saw conviction pouring from those mossy orbs. Knox leaned down, his lips brushing my ear, and the tickle of his breath caused me to squirm. “You say the word, and I’m gone. If there ever comes a time that my being around causes you pain, I’ll run, and I won’t stop runnin’, until you tell me I can stop.”

He kissed my cheek, folding me against him again to rest his chin on top of my head. “But I don’t think there’s ever gonna come a time where I don’t want you around. I don’t know a lot, but I meant it when I said I wanted to figure this out with you. And I meant it when I said I don’t do casual, too.” Knox’s voice quivered a little, and cracked when he whispered, “You’re sure you want to stay with me, Nick?”

I really, really did. “Yes,” was all I managed whispering out as I nodded and squeezed in closer, as tight as I could, to his side. “Yes,” I said again, a little louder this time, and with a lot more conviction.

Knox let out a sharp breath, then chuckled. “Good.” And before I knew it, he was starting the truck and putting it in gear. I started shuffling back to my seat, but he held me with that steely arm of his, and said, “Uh-uh. Nope. You’re gonna quit running from me and stay right next to me, bud. I’m…” Knox’s voice got all soft and thoughtful, and I closed the slight distance I’d made in a flash as he continued. “Well, I’m not ready to let you go just yet.”

And we drove. Past the trees, past the fields, and through downtown. Then we were across the railroad tracks, and into the most suburban part of Mavis, where the farmhands and non-farming workers lived. We kept driving to nearly the end of town, down some back road that I’d never seen before, and pulled up to a small ranch-style that was in markedly better shape than the other five houses on the cul-de-sac. “Well,” Knox said, giving me one last squeeze before releasing me. “This is, uh…” he let out a thready laugh, like he was afraid that this would finally scare me off. “Well, yeah. This is… me.”

The entire drive, he never let me go. Not once. We’d stop at a stoplight, and he’d bend down to kiss the top of my head, or hold me tighter. And at the railroad tracks, when we’d had to stop for the train, he tilted my chin up and kissed me for real, leaving me breathless by the time we started moving again.

I wasn’t about to let a man so tender and sweet scare me off that easily. How much had I been starving for affection all these years? There’d been plenty of hookups, sure, but it’s not like I’d ever wanted anything long-term with any of them. It’d all seemed hollow compared to what I’d had with…

Oh, fuck.

Had I been comparing them to Knox? This entire fucking time?

And I had been, hadn’t I? Greg wasn’t affectionate enough, Bill was too small and meek, Jack had been too aggressive. There’d never been that pull with any of them the way I there was with Knox, and so I’d kept them all at arm’s length. They were a means to an end, a convenient way to pass the time… and that definitely wasn’t how I felt about the tiger whose arm fit so comfortably around my shoulders.

Shaking my head to clear it, I straightened my back, leaving that minor—okay, massive—revelation aside, and opened my door to hop out of the truck, calling out over my shoulder, “I can’t wait to get inside.” Knox jumped down and went around the bed to grab my suitcase and duffel bag, and my stomach growled as we reached his front door. I gave an embarrassed giggle. “Hope you got some food in there, cause I’m starving.”

—

Knox

—

“Uh…” I froze, key in the lock, as a mental inventory of everything I had in the kitchen rushed through my head. Then I turned my head to Nick, and it hit me that I’d been standing there stock-still, like he’d broken me somehow. And in a way, he kinda had—my house really wasn’t much, but I had this urgent need to impress him, and a can of plain old oatmeal wasn’t gonna cut it. “I mean, yeah, I got food, I guess.” I shook myself and finally opened the lock, pushing open the door. The hinges squealed, and I groaned in response. I’d have to grease those later; I couldn’t keep putting it off now that Nick was here. Shit, when was the last time I cleaned the bathroom? Crap, crap, crap, I gotta go check on that —

Nick shoved me in the small of my back, and I stumbled into the living room. He followed closely behind, shutting the door behind him and locking it before pinching my ear and pulling me down to his level. “Ow-ow-ow! Nick, what the—”

He silenced me with a kiss, hands framing my face as his satiny lips glided over my rougher ones. “Dude, you’re tense as all hell.” He pointed at the couch, which had a few shirts (thankfully clean ones) draped over the back of it, and commanded me to “Sit. Relax.”

So, I sat. Relaxing was harder, as he wandered into the kitchen and started rooting around in my cupboards. Eventually, he called out, “Oh, hey! You’ve got oatmeal. That’ll be perfect, hun.”

And my heart stuttered. Partially because he’d been happy with the most boring breakfast ever, but most because he’d called me…

He’d called me hun.

But was that the ‘we’re-a-thing-and-I’m-being-sweet’ hun? Or was it the southern version of ‘hun’ that doesn’t mean anything romantic at all? What to do now… how to find out…

Oh, I know. I summoned up all the courage I had left, and hollered back to him, “No problem…” Fuck, am I gonna be able to say it? Shit, I have to say it now, or he’ll think I’m being weird again. Say it, c’mon, say it… “babe.”

A spoon clattered against the linoleum floor, and a hushed voice responded with “N-no problem.” He went silent as other sounds trickled out of my kitchen: my electric kettle beeping, a couple of plastic caps popping followed by more liquid pouring (odd), the scraping of stainless steel on ceramic as Nick stirred the quick-cook oats. I’d expected him to call me over to the table, but he walked back to the couch, bringing me a bowl of…

“Uh, Nick?” I stared down at the bowl of simple oats adorned with creamy milk, rich and sticky syrup and… “Where did you get raisins from?”

Nick shrugged. “They were in the back of your fridge. I checked the date on them, they’re still good.” He blinked and started bouncing his knee. “Oh, shoot, I didn’t even ask if you liked raisins.” He set his bowl on the coffee table and reached out to take mine back. “Sorry, I’ll-”

I hastily scooped up a bite of the breakfast and stuffed it in my mouth. The raisins were a bit on the chewy side, and they stuck to my teeth as I swallowed. “_Mmf—_D-don’t worry about it. I like raisins. I was just surprised, is all. Didn’t know I had all this stuff, honestly.” I took another spoonful and smiled at Nick. “Everything’s all good. Promise.”

A shy smile appeared on his face, and he picked up his bowl again. When he took a bite, his eyes widened. “Oh!” He started shoveling it in as fast as he could. “It really ish good!”

Nick finished with his bowl a good few minutes before I was. When I’d scraped up the last of the oatmeal, he took the dishes back to the kitchen and set them in the dishwasher. I checked my phone while he was gone, taking a moment to text the guys at the shop that I needed a personal day, and to ask Marcus to go pick up the damn oil pan caps I kept forgetting about. Mrs. Wyrdmott was going to kill me. Her car never took me this long. Maybe I’d give her a discount, or a coupon, or something…

A firm, but gentle pressure pinched my shoulders, interrupting my thought spiral while kneading them. I almost dropped my phone as I let out an unashamed moan of pleasure, sinking back against the couch as Nick found all the little, and not-so-little, spots of tension I’d been carrying around and massaged them away.

When he moved to my neck, rubbing his soft thumbs along the base before working his way up, I moaned again, and he chuckled quietly, letting his firm but tender touch melt away all my worries. When he’d finished, Nick wrapped his arms around my shoulders from behind and kissed the back of my neck. “Better, hun?”

His tone was unmistakably playful, and I purred in response. “Way better. Where’d you learn to do that?”

He twitched, mumbling something I didn’t quite catch. So, I asked him to repeat himself, and he sighed. “It was… an old hookup. Some guy taking massage therapy courses while I was in school.” Nick’s arms stiffened, and when he continued, his voice was stiff too. “You probably don’t want to hear that, though. Sorry. I didn’t want to make something up, though; I didn’t want to lie to you.”

Wrapping my paws around his wrists, I tugged Nick closer as I tilted my head back and gave him an upside-down kiss. “I don’t mind,” I assured him. “I mean, don’t go telling me all the dirty details, but hey, I’m happy to reap the rewards. Like, I…” I trailed off, trying to figure out how to phrase the next part. “Uh, well, it’s not like I have any experience with guys—or functional relationships—so it’s good that at least one of us knows what they’re doing, right?”

My stomach twisted up in knots, and I full-on panicked when Nick stood up and took his arms away before walking around and settling right next to me. Leaning in, he rested his head on my chest and his hand settled on my side, where he absently stroked along the sensitive skin under my flannel. “Knox, I need to tell you something.”

Uh-oh. Shit, did I say something again? “Y-yeah?”

He took a deep breath and blew it out through his nose. His hand stilled, and he gave me a squeeze. “You’re right, I have experience with guys, but, uh…” Nick swallowed audibly. “Not so much with relationships. Like, at all.”

I sat there, gears turning in my mind, trying to process what Nick just said.

He doesn’t have experience with relationships? None at all?

Did I hear that right?

My jaw clenched tightly before I choked out the words, “S-so, you’ve, um, never dated?”

“Nope.”

“Ever?”

“Never ever.” Nick shifted, crawling into my lap and hooking his arm behind my neck while raising his other paw to glide his thumb across my cheek. His gaze was steady, but his eyes were shining when he whispered, “You’re the furthest I’ve ever gotten with a guy, and we haven’t even gone all the way.” A sniffle, and a single tear rolled down his cheek as emotion choked his voice. “You’re my first, well, whatever this is. I’ve never had this with anyone else, not even close.”

Say it, my heart urged, pounding wildly in my chest.

Say it, my brain seconded as it showed me fantastical visions of what a future with Nick might look like.

Do I want him like this? Forever? It’s gotta be too early for that. We’ve only been doing this for a couple of days…

But haven’t I known him a lot longer than that? Is it really too soon to say it? Am I ready, even?

Can I call him my boyfriend?

I took a deep breath, opening my mouth, but the words died on my tongue. Speaking it would turn the fantasy into reality, cement it in place, and I wasn’t ready for that yet. Neither was Nick, from the way he was dancing around it, too.

And as we sat together, Nick curled up in my lap, my arms holding him steady, that there was time. We had time. Time to grow into this beautiful, terrifying, exciting… relationship. At least I was admitting to myself that this was a relationship of sorts. God, I wanted him so bad, and even though I couldn’t make myself say the words, I knew what I needed to do.

Slipping one arm under Nick’s knees, I put the other at his back and stood, lifting him in the air as I did, and carried him off down the hall. Second doorway on the left. My bed was thankfully spread up, though the slightly acrid, funky scent of sweaty dude hit my nose when I walked in. I pushed away the panic over my funky bedding, and laid him gently on my mattress before joining him, face-to-face with each other. His dark brown hair was still sticking up, and one lock had fallen over his forehead. I gingerly reached out and brushed it away before pulling him close to kiss his forehead. “Hey, Nick?”

“Yeah?” He looked up at me with bright, glossy eyes, and I swear he was glowing. In that moment, my heart stuttered, and I’d never wanted anything—anyone—more.

“I-I…” my voice choked off as an emotion swelled inside me that hadn’t been there since senior year. I couldn’t make any sound, so instead I pressed my lips to his, pushing all the heat and strange, powerful feelings into one kiss. We made a smacking sound when we parted, and Nick looked slightly stunned, with a goofy smile pasted on his muzzle.

“This is all new for me, too.” Finally, I was able to talk! I hurried on before I lost my voice again. “And I don’t care what we call this—us, whatever—because all I want is you, Nick. You, and me, and a door to lock out the world and let us be… us.” I paused another moment, letting the next words roll around on my tongue before I let them slip out.

“I’m so lucky that you came back. That you chose me. You gave me another chance, and I swear I’m not gonna let you down again. Because…” Deep breath, Knox, you can do this… “I-I’ll choose you, too. Every time.”

Rolling onto my back, I pulled Nick on top of me so that his head was resting on my chest and his arm draped over me. “I wanna be close to you for a while. Like, literally close.” I rubbed my rough paw up and down his back, and his t-shirt rode up enough that I could scritch my claws through the silky fur on his lower back. My voice broke again as I whispered those three magic little words.

“Cuddle with me?”

And he did. For the rest of the morning, until we had to break for lunch, he stayed right there in my arms. He fit against me like a puzzle piece, like he was made to be there, and I knew that this was what I’d been missing all this time.

I’d been living in this house for almost five years.

Having Nick snuggled up against me, laying in the quiet together, I finally figured out what that strange warmth was.

Yeah, I’d bought a house. But bringing Nick inside and holding him, having him all to myself? Letting myself lose control, letting him have me, all of me?

Hell. I’d lived in this house for six years, trying desperately to make it mine, to make the place feel like somewhere I could spend the rest of my life.

Funny how the second I let Nick inside, it finally, finally felt like home.

—

To Be Continued…

—

—

Nick

—

“Knox,” I said, staring at a mostly empty pantry, “If we’re going to have dinner, we hafta go grocery shopping.”

He stepped up behind me, socked feet padding softly on the kitchen linoleum, and wrapped his arms around my waist. Squeezing, Knox pressed a kiss to my temple. “What, you don’t want oatmeal for dinner?” His tone was teasing, and when he turned me around for a tender kiss on the lips, a devil glinting in his eyes, my heart skipped a beat. “Or sandwiches? I’ve got some ham.”

I laughed, shaking my head helplessly. “Knox, we can’t survive on only oatmeal and takeout.” I raised a paw to bop him on the nose, and he scrunched up his face before grinning down at me. Adorable. “And we ate the last of your bread with lunch. Seriously, we have to go shopping.”

“Mmm… fine.” Knox pouted, reaching under his shit to scratch his belly, and the white fur that peeked through instantly drew my eyes downward. He chuckled, placing his callused fingers on my chin and raising it up again. “My eyes are over here, you know.” Then he licked the tip of my nose, causing me to splutter and wipe at it as he snickered. “Come on. Let’s get dressed, and I’ll drive us to the store.”

We had spent the better part of the afternoon without pants, which was, frankly, delightful. I think we lost them sometime after lunch, when we’d laid down for a nap. The memory of our legs tangled together as he held me close, chest-to-chest, his head resting on top of mine, set a warm fuzzy feeling growing in my chest. My stomach growled, and we both laughed at that, cackling all the way to his bedroom.

I reluctantly put on my jeans—partially because I liked the way Knox’s eyes roamed hungrily over my body whenever he thought I wasn’t looking, and partially because it meant Knox was getting dressed too, and my eyes had been enjoying hungrily roaming over him. Seriously, the man had mouth-wateringly sexy legs, all thick, corded muscles begging to be touched. Calm down, I told myself. You know he’s going to let you get your hands on him later. Don’t rush this. Let him get comfortable. We have plenty of time.

After pulling on our shoes, we headed out the front door to where his truck sat on the street. Knox’s hand pressed firmly into the small of my back, but sneaked around to my waist, pulling us together until our hips bumped. I shot him a smile, which he returned while he started leaning in, eyes closing, and for a moment the world melted away, leaving just the two of us alone together.

Then Knox’s ear twitched, and the acrid stink of cigarette smoke hit my nose as the tiger straightened hastily. A sudden, croaking voice bellowed from the house next door, making us both jump. Leaning out an open window was a grungy, gray-furred ferret I didn’t immediately recognize, puffing away on a cigarette.

“Hey, Knox, who’s your… friend?” I didn’t like the way he put emphasis on that last word… something about it made my hackles rise.

I liked it even less when Knox’s hand slipped away to hide in his pocket. “Hey, Mack. This is Nick. My, uh… friend.” I watched my tiger lick his lips as his eyes darted to me, then back to Mack. “He’s just a friend. From high school.”

The ferret’s face soured, and he coughed around a lungful of smoke. “Wait. Nick Southwell? Faggot Nick Southwell? Th’hell’s he doing in your house?” His eyes were cold and calculating as he venomously added, “Sure didn’t look like no ‘just friends’, neither.”

My eyes narrowed as my face heated, and I opened mouth opened to give this supreme asshole a piece of my mind, but Knox got there first. It started with a deep growl, and when my eyes turned to Knox, every bit of fur on the back of his neck was standing on end. “Watch your fucking mouth, Mack. It’s—he’s—none of your god-damned business.”

“You sure?” Mack sneered, flicking the remains of his cigarette onto the unkempt lawn below. “What would your Momma think, you takin’ up with him again?” Knox just glared at him, and the asshole continued. “Maybe I’ll call her, let her know how far her little boy’s fallen. Just a friend?” He hocked a gob of nastiness after the cigarette butt. “You think she’s gonna believe that? That I believe that? Hell, she might even pull out of that joke you call a shop.”

My heart sank, my mouth dry and lips frozen. What did he mean, she’d pull out of his shop? Shit, was Knox’s mom backing his business? If it’s true, then that’s not any low blow; that’s a real, tangible threat to his life and livelihood.

That couldn’t happen, not over a fire that had only started to burn. Muttering under my breath, barely loud enough for Knox’s sharp feline ears to pick it up. “Let it go, hun. You don’t owe him a damn thing.” I puffed out a shuddery breath and turned back toward the truck. “We can walk away right now, and—”

I was drifting away, closing the gap between me and the sanctuary that Knox’s truck would provide. Made it as far as the sidewalk before a strangled, choking sound from behind me made me turn around.

Knox stood there frozen, his jaw clenched so tight I was amazed he hadn’t chipped a tooth. “Nick, wait, I…” His voice, muffled behind clamped teeth, sounded pained.

I waved him over, saying, “It’s okay. You don’t need to deal with this right now.” Leveling my best pointed glare at him, I prayed it said the things I wasn’t able to say out loud. You don’t need to define this to him. We haven’t even defined this to ourselves. Yeah, this hurts me a bit, but I can take it. Just walk away…

“Nick, I-” He growled again, raking his fingers through his short black hair. When I beckoned a second time, a little more urgently, he took a step… back? I turned my face away to hide how his reaction stung. We really hadn’t defined anything. But damned if it didn’t hurt like a sonuvabitch when he flinched away from me. With a deep breath to steady myself, I took a step back myself, glancing away, and I knew the hurt inside was written plain on my face.

“W-wait!” His voice quivered, and when I snapped my head back to him, he was reaching out a paw to me with a pain mirroring my own radiating from his eyes. Forcibly unclenching his jaw, working it for a couple moments before shuddering his head. “Fuck.” Now he was gulping down air so hard and fast, I feared he’d to hyperventilate. “Nick, no, please wait, I… fuck!”

I stepped toward him, slowly but confidently. I was afraid he’d spook, but when I touched his wrist, he flipped his paw and laced his fingers with my own. “Knox, you don’t owe him the time of day. C’mon, let’s just go.”

“Shit,” he said again, a single tear escaping his eye before getting sucked into his fluffy cheek. “Screw this.” He pointed at Mack with a trembling finger. “And screw you.”

Mack sneered at Knox, his tone mocking. “What, did I finally get yer attention? Thought you were a good man, respectable and shit. Now you’re freaking out over your so-called friend? You’re a better person than this gay crap, Knox, don’t throw your life away for something that isn’t even real.”

Knox rocked his head before grabbing me by my shoulders. “No. I’m done hiding. I’m done pretending.” His breath grew deep and rapid, while his face grew stony and determined.

“I’m so fucking done,” he whispered.

And then he kissed me. Right in front of Mack, God, and everybody. A mountain of tension I hadn’t noticed building up whooshed out of me in an instant as I melted against him, the choked splutter of the ferret a distant hum.

Knox kissed me hard, almost bruisingly, and when he broke away, his steely arms tugged me in close, body quaking. Was that anger? Fear? Euphoria? It was hard to tell, but I wrapped my arms around his waist anyway to try to calm him down. “Tell anyone you want. Call Momma. Call the whole damn gossip mill, I don’t care.” Knox’s voice cracked, which slightly undercut his claim, but my heart still swelled with pride at his sudden openness. “I told you, what Nick and I do ain’t none of your business.” He steered me back toward the truck, walking me around to the passenger side and opening my door.

Mack hollered after us. “So, what, y’all boyfriends now? Thought you was happy with Katie? Hey, where the fuck d’you think you’re—don’t you walk away from me!”

But Knox did anyway, sliding into the driver’s seat and firing up the engine. His truck roared to life, and he tore out of the neighborhood like his tail was on fire.

I let him be for a few minutes, but we were doing seventy down the back roads, and the last thing he needed right now was to get pulled over. So I reached out, putting a hand on Knox’s knee. Rubbing my thumb in small circles, I spoke as softly as possible. “Hey, hun?”

Knox grunted absently, gripping the steering wheel so hard the leather cover he’d put on it creaked.

“Knox, we’ve got to slow down. You’re practically beggin’ the cops to get your ass.”

He flicked his eyes down to the dash, and they widened slightly. Pressing the brake, he slowly pulled onto the curb, looking dead ahead of himself again, still choking the shit out of that steering wheel.

Knox’s jaw tensed, the muscles flexing as he ground his teeth together. “Nick,” he gritted out. Then his eyes got all glassy, and his breathing grew faster and erratic. “Damn it all…”

I unbuckled my seatbelt, hustling over to him in an instant, and put the truck in park before flipping off the engine. One by one, I pried his fingers off the steering wheel. It wasn’t all that hard, actually; after the first couple, he stopped resisting me enough that I was able to free him with little fuss. Picking up his paw closest to me, I wrapped both of mine around it and brought his fingers to my lips. I kissed them—the barest ghost of a touch, really—but the resulting whoosh of air Knox let out along as his tightly wound muscles relaxed was everything I needed right then.

My paws squeezed him, kneading at his palm slowly with my thumbs, and my big, strong tiger came undone in the driver’s seat next to me. He let loose with the tears, big fat ones that rolled down his cheeks, soaking his fur before dripping onto his t-shirt. “I just…” His voice was strained, rough, as he swiped at his eyes with the back of his free paw. “I just did that. Holy crap, I just told everyone that I’m… and you’re… no, we. We. We’re, like, what, together?” He bit his lip, rocking forward and back with a thousand-yard stare.

Wrapping a paw around the back of his head, I gently tugged him into my chest and pressed my lips to his temple. “It’s my turn now, babe,” I whispered in his ear, right as the waterworks started. “I gotchu. Baby, I gotchu.”

When he snorted, I let him go long enough to snag a tissue from the box he kept in the back to let him blow his nose. Wiping a tear from his eye, I started getting a little misty myself as I tried to soothe him. “We’re us, hun. Just us. We don’t need to label anything. It’s you, and me, figuring shit out together and screw everyone else.”

A wet chuckle escaped Knox, and he blew his nose again before pocketing the tissue and wrapping an arm around the back of my neck to pull me against him, head resting on top of mine. He nuzzled me for a while before whispering, “Nick. I just came out.”

“You did,” I murmured, tilting up to press a kiss to the underside of his chin.

Knox thought for a moment, voice questioning now, but he’d started purring, too. “Does that mean I’m… gay? Or am I bi? What do I do now?”

“You don’t need to label yourself, either.” Pulling away from him, I caught his head in my hands and yanked him down to my level, giving his forehead a quick peck. My thumbs traced along his cheekbones as I mirrored the affectionate gesture he’d given me so many times over the years; I nestled him beneath my chin, wrapped my arms around him, and held him as tight as possible. “Like I said, we’re just us. We can be anything we want, do whatever we want, whenever we want.”

“I like the sound of that,” he said, slightly muffled by the curled position I’d smushed him into. I rocked him side to side as he purred away, his arms coming to rest around my waist. We stayed like that for a while. I didn’t honestly know how long. Keeping track of the time certainly wasn’t my priority. Eventually, though, he started wriggling in my grasp. “Nick, babe, I love you to death, but the way you got me bent up actually kinda hurts.”

My heart skipped a beat, and I let out a shocked gasp. Releasing him instantly, he stretched as big as he could in the confines of the cab, joints popping as I processed what he’d said. “Hey, uh, Knox?”

“Yeah?”

“You kinda said that you, uh, love me?” I wet my lips as his eyes widened, mouth dropping open into a surprised ‘O’. “I’m sure you probably didn’t mean it like that,” I hastened to add. “This whole, well, everything, is new, right? Heat of the moment and all that. I bet it probably slipped out, like, as an accident and all, but—”

A roughened finger to my lips silenced my rambling. “I don’t…” Knox trailed off, his features brightening as his paw snaked up to palm my face. When I leaned into his touch, and he continued. “Nick, I don’t think it was an accident.” His breathing grew quick again, and I’d have worried he was going to freak out again until I saw that authentically crooked, million-dollar Knox smile growing on his face. “I think that… I’ve known this for a long time. Since way back when we were kids, and I’ve been too stupid to realize what I was feeling.”

He licked his lips. “Nick, I…”

Another pause, and if this weren’t real life, I’d swear I saw hearts in Knox’s beautiful hazel eyes before he bonked his forehead into mine. He pressed our heads together as he started laughing.

It was the second-most beautiful thing I’d ever heard.

The top spot, though, will always go to the next words he spoke.

“Nick, I fuckin’ love you.”

Everything around me flipped upside down, my breath stuttered in my chest, and my heart? Yeah, I think it stopped beating right there for a minute.

Hot damn.

Knox Madison loves me.

—

Knox

—

I may be the world’s slowest guy. And I definitely don’t have any clue what the hell I’m doing. But the way Nick’s mouth slotted insistently over mine told me I’d done something—no, the only thing—that mattered.

_ _

“Nick, I fuckin’ love you.”

For the second time today, my truck rocked as we kissed, tongues tangling for dominance, and when we broke apart, panting for air, Nick wrapped his arms around my neck and burrowed his muzzle into my chest.

“Say it again,” he whispered.

And I did. Over and over again, and it became more true, more real, every time I said it. We kissed again, and when he looked up at me with those blue-gray eyes, well… I’m not ashamed to say I let out a whimper as my emotions overcame me.

“Knox?”

“Mmm?” I sighed, running my paw through his hair as I brushed aside that one stubborn lock that kept falling down into his eyes.

“I love you too.”

We stayed cuddled up by the side of the road, Nick snuggling against me, my paws rubbing tight circles into his back. The only thing that broke the silence was his stomach letting out a roar so loud that it matched my own.

I squeezed him tight, my laughter bellowing out in the tiny space, before I turned the engine back on. “C’mon, bud. We’d better get you something to eat before you waste away to nothing.”

He chuckled before scooting back to his side and buckling in. The warmth from his body pressed to mine lingered for a while, filling me with a happy, buzzing sensation even as I yearned to grab him and bring him back to me. “Good idea,” he said, grinning as I pulled back onto the road. “I’m fricking starving.”

We spent the rest of the drive to the store in comfortable silence. Nick wiggled over as close as possible while still technically wearing the seatbelt, placing his hand on my knee. I covered it with my own, pleased at how small and delicate his paw looked, wrapped up in my own giant mitt. He made a sound that almost sounded like a purr, and I rode the high of that dazzling smile he shot my way the whole rest of the trip.

I was floating as I stepped around the truck to walk side by side with Nick into the store. Unfortunately, the big front door was out of order, and we had to hoof it around to the smaller side entrance. Nick held my hand through it all, tugging me in behind him. He was nothing but smiles and giggles, like we’d become teens again and were getting away with something.

The bell above the door dinged, and a vaguely familiar voice called out from the aisles, “Welcome to Nancy’s! I’ll be right with you!”

Nick froze, his grin turning downward into a grimace, and he dropped my hand. “Shit, Knox, I forgot, I—”

“Oh, uh…” Clark Graham stood at the end of aisle 13, a rag clenched in one paw and a bottle of cleaner hanging dangerously from the other. “Hi, Nick.” Clark nodded at him before tilting his chin at me. “Sup, Knox?”

Instinctively, I placed a possessive paw on Nick’s shoulder, pulling him a little closer to me. “Clark,” I said, trying to keep my voice as neutral as possible. Wasn’t quite sure if I pulled it off or not.

The panther flinched. Oops. Guess not. “Sorry, y’all kind of surprised me.” He gestured vaguely at my hand as it clung to Nick like a lifeline. “So, uh, Nick, about that chance…” Clark chuckled weakly, hanging his head, and for the first time in ages, I felt sorry for the guy.

Nick moved my paw, lacing his fingers with mine as he gave Clark an apologetic look. “Yeah, uh, sorry. This is—well, stuff sorta happened, and we’re—”

Nick’s voice cut off as he turned frantic eyes toward me, and something in my chest tightened. What was I supposed to say? Sure, I’d basically staked my claim in the loudest way you could in a small town, by firing up the local gossip mill. But this somehow seemed bigger, more real. Like if I put it out there, I’d never be able to take it back.

But Nick’s face shifted into a quiet sort of hopeful understanding. I knew in my gut that he’d be okay with whatever I said, that I had time. That I didn’t have to do anything that made me uncomfortable. He was just waiting for me to fill in the blanks with whatever I felt was right.

My heart thumped in my chest so hard, so loud, that I thought for sure Clark was going to hear it. The look on Nick’s face told me he definitely could.

I could drop his hand. Take a step away from him. Deny everything, play it safe.

I could wait for Nick to say it first. Let him take the lead, so I didn’t have to. Give the hard decisions, the painful ones, to him, and simply ride out whatever came next.

I was afraid. Terrified, really. My mouth went dry, and I licked my lips. It was like we’d been staring at each other for hours, even though it had only been a couple minutes.

You know what finally broke me? When Nick’s face shifted from hopeful to resigned. His grip loosened, and his fingers started slipping away from my hand. Was I going to let him go? Prove to him I wasn’t able to decide on my own?

Am I going to lie to everyone in town about what I have with this beautiful, kind, caring man?

I twitched my paw, snagging Nick’s fingers in an iron grip before squaring my shoulders and turning my head to Clark.

Fuck being comfortable. I’m not holding back anymore!

“We’re together,” I finished, in a voice much firmer than my legs that wobbled like jelly. I mean, hell, I guess Mack already knew, or he’d figure it out—he was a bigoted hick, but he wasn’t dumb. And in a couple hours, probably everyone in town would know it, too, so…

So why am I panicking like a spooked deer?

I caught a glimpse of the way Nick was looking at me, mouth rounded, eyes wide and glassy, before breaking out into a smile. “Yeah,” he said, a little breathless. “Together.”

“Damn it.” Clark shook his head, a sad smile spreading across his lips. “Told you there’s no competing with Knox Madison.” He walked over to the register and set down the cleaning supplies before facing us again. “So, um… shit,” He took off the store uniform hunter’s green ball cap and scuffed at the back of his head with a paw. “I’m, well, jealous. I’ve been hiding all this time, and you two…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “You did it. You just went and did it. What the fuck, man?” He was so damn awkward, looking down at his feet as he shuffled them around, that it was kinda cute—I almost saw what Nick had seen in him.

But Nick is mine. All mine.

And I’m all his, for better or for worse.

It took a minute for Clark to find his voice again. He cleared his throat, finally meeting my eyes. “You two make a hell of a handsome couple,” he said, and gave me his most convincing smile yet. “Hope you understand how lucky you are, Knox. Damn.” He hesitated before nodding at us both. “Seriously, though. I guess, uh, no hard feelings?”

Nick took a few quick steps toward the panther and wrapped his arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly. “Yeah, Clark, no hard feelings.” Releasing him, Nick took a step back as I came up behind him to put a hand on the small of his back. He leaned into my touch, looking up at me with big, warm eyes. “You’ll find someone someday. Promise.”

Clark gave a wry chuckle. “I’ll have to come out first. You—and Knox, obviously—are the only ones who know about me yet.” His shoulders slumped as he let out a sigh. “I don’t think there are even any other guys interested in guys here.”

My ears pricked up, and I gave a cautious nod. “I know of like, one? I can’t tell you who he is, because that’s not my story to tell, but I can tell you you’re not as alone as you think.”

“Really?” Both guys turned shocked expressions on me. Clark looked thoughtful as he continued. “Huh. I’m surprised, but that’s…” he shuffled his feet as he looked away, a small smile growing on his face. “That’s nice to know.”

Shaking himself out of his reverie, Clark clapped his paws together and cleared his throat. “Uh, anyway! You ‘prolly didn’t come here just to spread the news of your new relationship. What did you need?”

I glanced at Nick, who nodded. “Um, just some pantry staples. Oh, and stuff for tuna noodle hot dish. I’m gonna make that tonight.”

“Again?” Clark reached out and slugged Nick on the shoulder. “You really like that shit, huh? You were in here yesterday buying all that.”

“Yeah, well…” Nick sidled up close to me and slid an arm around my waist. “I left that stuff at my parent’s, and I can’t stay there right now, so…”

Clark’s playful demeanor vanished. “What? What the hell happened?!”

Nick shivered, and I grabbed him around the shoulders and squeezed him tight. “Long story,” I cut in. “Nick can tell you about it if he wants.” I freed myself from his grasp and moseyed off to grab a cart. When I returned, Nick was telling Clark about everything that happened with his parents, continuing as we wound through each and every aisle. It amazed me the skill with which my boyf—partner. Mmm, yeah, that’s easier somehow—tossed things into the cart while barely even looking at the stuff. Boxed dinners, canned tuna, a whole bunch of different soups. We even got some apples and a big ol’ box of salad greens, and I realized I hadn’t had fresh produce in my house for, good lord, months?

Once the cart was full, Nick considered it for a minute before nodding. “This oughta keep us going for a week or so.”

I boggled at him. “Nick, that’s so much food. Only a week?!”

He shrugged, Clark laughed. “If you’re going to be working out all the time, you need to be eating healthier. And I still eat a ton.” Nick smirked at me. “That’s never changed.”

We bickered fondly as we all walked up to the register, where Clark loaded everything onto the belt for us before ringing us out. “Okay, that’ll be… $202.47.”

Nick reached for his wallet, but I saw a chance to be the provider, for once, and took it. “Naw, babe, I got it.” I slid in front of him with a smile as I pulled out my bank card and swiped it.

It processed for a few minutes, then beeped twice. Clark went a little green, shrinking away from me. “Uh, sorry man, but…” he swallowed hard, twice, before taking a deep breath.

“Your card sorta… declined?”

I laughed nervously. “W-what?” My vision started getting wobbly, and I had to shake my head to clear it. “There’s no way. Lemme try again.”

And I did. Two more beeps.

Clark’s mouth moved soundlessly, and heat started rising in my face and escaping in pinpricks through my ears. “That can’t be right. I know I’m good for it, I don’t understand.”

The panther looked at his screen. “It says invalid account. Maybe you had fraud and your bank shut the card off?”

I started to speak, to say that the Mavis credit union wasn’t fancy enough to give a damn about fraud, but then my mouth snapped shut.

Fuck.

Momma was on that account.

The world fell out from under me. Forget wobbly. Now shit was spinning, and I had no way to stop it. Backing away from the counter like it’d burned me, I saw Clark’s face etched with concern, while Nick’s mouth was set in a hard line.

Air.

I need air.

Outside.

Gotta get outside!

I let out a weird croaking sound and dashed for the side exit. Clark called after me, but I barely heard him over those two beeps that played over and over in my head, taunting me, and they just wouldn’t. Shut. Up!

I swore the pressure from Nick’s judging eyes burned on my back as I burst through the door and into the parking lot, where I climbed up in my truck, and punched in the number to my store.

Then I froze, my trembling thumb hovering just above that little green button. What the fuck am I even gonna say? Calling in and admitting that this was real? That I wasn’t in control, and maybe, just maybe, I never had been?

What will the guys think? What will I do if Momma closes the store? My guys need those jobs. I need this job.

It’s my dream.

It’s everything I have.

I sat there stewing, my stomach tied up in knots, and my thumb still hovering, hovering forever.

A little voice piped up in the back of my head, saying, That’s not all you have anymore, is it? Not really.

What, then? I let out a bitter snort as I vaguely realized that I was probably going crazy, arguing with my own damn self. What the fuck else is there?

A moment of silence passed, before my brain gave me a condescending, You have Nick, you moron.

I blinked.

Nick? My short, gasping breaths slowed, as his perfect face, that megawatt smile, cut through the haze in my brain. Shit, what is he gonna think? Is he… I gulped. Is he even gonna want me after this?

My mind drifted back to barely an hour ago, when we’d sat in my truck, and I told him ‘I love you’. The first one I’d ever said to someone who wasn’t family, and actually meant it. And his answering kiss, that…

That was real.

Nick’s not gonna abandon me, I realized. He cares about me.

Damn! He really cares about me!

And for the first time since I’d ran away to hide in my truck, I smiled.

It’ll be okay. This is all gonna be okay.

It has to be.

I finally tapped my screen and brought the phone to my ear. It rang twice before I heard, “B.W. Auto Body, this is Marcus.”

He sounded a little rattled, and my stomach somehow sank even lower than it already had. “Hey, it’s Knox. Is…” I suddenly couldn’t breathe, choking on my words. “Everything all right down there?”

“Oh! Bossman, thank God!” The relief in his voice was unmistakable. “Your momma just called, said she’s coming into town to check on her ‘investment’. She’ll be here sometime Wednesday.”

A bit of my anxiety slipped away. “Wednesday, good,” I muttered. “I got time.”

“Time for what, boss?” Marcus hesitated a moment before saying, “Is it, um… is it about this thing with Nick?”

Fuck! Can’t I get a break for one fucking day?!

I pinched the bridge of my snout. “Who told you, and what did you hear?”

“Heard Mack Brown saw you two fucking on your front lawn. My sister—my older sister, Becks— called and told me after mom called her.”

“The hell?!” I let out an offended squawk. “We were not! We haven’t even gotten that far yet!”

Marcus paused. His breathing came in uncertain huffs over the receiver. “Yet? Boss, what happened?”

I grumbled. “It’s nobody’s business, that’s what.” Letting out a gusty sigh, I decided I could trust Marcus with the truth. “Nick and I are… well, it’s complicated. But we’re together, yeah, and Mack caught me being couple-y with Nick this morning. He said some bigot shit, and I ended up kissing Nick in front of him.” I gulped. “As, like, a show of defiance or something, I dunno. But that’s all we did! Just a kiss.”

The stoat let out a low whistle. “Dude.”

“I know, I know.” Groaning, I jumped when the passenger door opened and Nick slid in. “Hey, uh, I gotta go. I’ll be in Wednesday morning. Momma hates mornings, she won’t be up till like noon at the latest.”

“You got it, bossman.” Another pause, then in a low voice, he whispered, “You guys happy?”

I looked over at Nick. He was tapping away on his phone, but when he felt me staring, he glanced up and blew me a kiss before returning to whatever he was doing. “Yeah,” I said, breathless again. “Yeah, I think we are.”

“Good.” He sounded firm over the phone, but the smile in his voice came through loud and clear. “I hafta run too. Mrs. Wyrdmott’s here and it’s either fix her car or let her flirt with me, and I’m straight itchin’ for some grease on my paws.”

He hung up, and I leaned my head back, sighing deeply. Without opening my eyes, I mumbled, “Sorry about the groceries, Nick. I swear I thought I was good for it.”

His satiny paw wrapped around mine, and I cracked an eye open barely enough to see his face. There wasn’t any of the judgement I expected, not even an ounce. He only looked concerned, and somehow that was better and worse at the same time.

“I got the groceries. Clark came out and helped me load them up.” A warm peck brushed my cheek, and I whimpered. “Hun, can you tell me what happened?”

Shit.

Where do I even begin?

—

Nick

—

We rumbled down the road back to Knox’s house in silence. He’d asked me for a bit of time to collect his thoughts, and I’d agreed, but as my fingers drummed the seat between us, I knew my patience was wearing thin. I wanted him to be comfortable confiding in me, but I was also dying to understand what the hell had him so spooked. I assumed it was to do with the card declining, and there was a sneaking suspicion that Mack called Knox’s mom and it was her fault somehow, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Was Knox just bad with money?

When we pulled up, he sat there, staring at the window that Mack had been hanging out of earlier. It was closed now, thank God, but as we climbed out of the truck, the tension rippling off Knox in waves, and honestly? I felt the same. Last thing I wanted was to deal with his bigoted bullshit, and Knox had clearly had a hell of a day so far.

By the time I got to the back of the truck, there was nothing left for me to carry, because my big, strong tiger had looped all the reusable shopping bags I’d bought up and down his arms, and was tottering to the door. He’d left the tailgate down, so I closed it and hurried after him.

We were still quiet as we put away our haul. The only talking coming from him was short answers when pointing wasn’t enough to tell me where stuff belonged. When we’d finished, I folded up the bags and left them by the door, returning to the kitchen to find Knox sitting at the table, head in his paws. I took the chair next to him, leaning over to rub my hand over his shoulder-blades. “What’s wrong, hun?”

He let his paws fall with a thump against the metal table that looked like a rescue from Suzy’s diner. When he met my eyes, his were glossy, and a frown had forced its way through his mouth from trying not to cry. “Nick, I’m sorry…” he said, before his voice choked off and he tried to look away.

I caught his chin, gently bringing him back to me. “What do you think you have to be sorry for? Was it the groceries?”

He shook his head, sucking in a quivering breath. “No. I mean, not exactly.” Knox’s fingers combed through his hair as his knee started bouncing. “I’m, well… I’m a fraud.”

“What?” I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Knox was the most honest person I’d ever known. The only person he’d ever intentionally lied to was himself.

Nodding, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. “Yeah. It’s true.”

“Okay, well, you’re gonna have to explain that one, because I don’t believe it like, at all.” I didn’t really want to push him. I was aware of how hard it was for him to talk about, well, anything, but goddamn it, I needed to know what was going on! That declined card probably wasn’t an accident, and something in my gut told me it had something—no, everything—to do with his mother.

Still reclining, head tilted to the ceiling, he said, “I, uh… well, when I inherited the shop after Mr. Wyrdmott died, it actually wasn’t doin’ too hot. A lot of the equipment was outdated, and we couldn’t do anything for the computer systems they’ve got in newer cars like yours.” One eye cracked open, seeking something in my face. I don’t know if he found what he was looking for, or didn’t find what he expected, but he leaned forward to take my hand, regardless.

“I didn’t have the money to get new stuff, and the bank denied my loan. So, I asked Momma for help. She’d made a ton on real estate out here, and I figured, well, why not? She’s… she’s family. That should’ve been safe.” Knox licked his lips. “She agreed, on the condition that I add her to my bank account so she made sure I managed my money right, and she’d buy the building while I kept the actual business.”

Oh.

I bristled, my hackles rising as I growled. “You’re a grown fucking man. She has no business being on your bank account.” A few cogs started turning in my head. “So, you think she closed it, yeah?”

“Yep,” he grunted. “And it gets worse. She’s coming on Wednesday to, quote, ‘check on her investment’. I don’t know if she really would try to pull out of the shop or not. She always said he was just an investor on paper, that she’d never interfere for real. And she’s never charged me rent or nothin’, so she wouldn’t…” Knox stared off into the distance, his fingers drumming against the metal tabletop making a hollow thumping sound as the wheels in his mind churned.

Slowly, then faster and faster, his breathing sped till I was afraid he’d burst. When Knox finally looked up, pupils blown wide, paws shaking as he wrapped one around my hand, my heart started racing, too. He squeezed me so tight it almost hurt. “Fuck, no, she totally would. She…” Knox gave a choked, strangled gasp as his eyes went glossy. “She’ll definitely take the shop from me! Nick, what the hell am I gonna do?!”

Now he was crying again. It made my heart ache, and wonder how often he’d done this with nobody to hold his hand through it. “What am I gonna do?” he repeated, so fragile I thought he’d break. Knox’s eyes were pleading, searching mine like I’d somehow have all the answers again.

Didn’t he understand I was as lost as he was here?

Knox was coming apart at the seams, and I honestly didn’t think I was going to be enough to patch him up and hold him together this time.

But then I realized that in this specific instance, there actually was something I could do. “Did you sign a contract when she bought the building?”

He blinked, looking confused. “I mean, yeah, ‘course I did. You know Momma, she wouldn’t give me the money without one.”

“Where is it?” Knox’s stomach grumbled, and I got up to rummage in the cupboards for a pot to start the garden spirals in.

“The contract?”

“Mmhmm.” I found what I was looking for; a neat little pot with a built-in strainer. As I filled it with water, I elaborated, “I’m going to take a look at it for you.”

Knox’s chair clattered over as he leaped up and dashed to my side. “Wait, really?! You think you could find something to save me— I mean, my shop?”

I shut off the water, which made a thunk! sound that reverberated through the old pipes. “Maybe,” I said, tempering my voice so I didn’t give him false hope. “I’m sure your mom hasn’t changed much, so she might not have left a loophole.” I flipped the burner on—I thanked my lucky stars it was a gas stove and would heat quickly—placing the pot on it before grasping his hands in my own. “There is one huge thing that has changed, though.”

My beautiful, strong, fragile, meathead tiger was staring at me, mouth slightly open and stars in his eyes. “What’s that?”

I bent down to kiss the tip of his snout before gently bopping it with a finger.

“Now you know a really good business lawyer.”

—

Forty-five minutes later, we each had a bowl of steaming hot casserole in front of us. Knox’s mood had visibly improved, all smiles and jokes and laughter as we took our time to relax over dinner. Once we’d finished, he hurried to take the dishes away and rinse them before I could and popping them in the dishwasher. As he closed its door, I stepped behind him and threaded my arms under his to rest my paws on his chest, and gave him a squeeze. “Thank you,” I murmured, nuzzling into the space between his shoulder blades.

“Mmm.” Knox leaned into the embrace, placing his mitts over mine and hugging them to himself as he began purring. “For what, babe?”

His voice was all rumbly and growly from his purring, and it sent shivers down my spine. “I dunno,” I said with a slight chuckle. “For being you?” No, that’s not quite it. “For helping me, and letting me help you.” Warmer. “For saying you love me.” Red hot! Knox turned in my arms to face me. His eyes were warm, and his touch was tender as he traced circles onto my back with his fingertips. “It almost doesn’t seem real, yet.” Licking my lips, I snuggled up under his chin, and in return he turned his cheek to rub it against the top of my head. I almost, but didn’t quite, hate how needy I sounded when I whined, “Say it again? For me?”

Knox almost crushed me with how tight he hugged me. I squeaked, laughing as we slowly relaxed. His breath tickled my ear as he leaned down and whispered, “Love you, babe.” He took a step back, finding my mouth and pressing a kiss to my lips. It surprised me with its gentleness, and I wondered how a man so rough could care for me so softly, so sweetly, but with such power and intensity at the same time.

We broke apart, and he touched his forehead to mine as I panted for the air he’d stolen from me. Another kiss found its way to my cheek, before more trailed up to the top of my head, where Knox lingered a moment. Warm puffs of air tickled my scalp as he whispered barely loud enough for me to hear him, a sound that was meant only for me.

“Nick Southwell, I’m in love with you.”

—

Knox

—

I love Nick Southwell.

And I loved telling him I love him. I saw how much he needed to hear it, how he needed me, and only me, flaws and cracks and mess included.

So I whispered it again. I laughed, and roared it so loud I bet even that asshole Mack next door heard me.

Then I bent down, and captured Nick’s mouth in a kiss that summoned up every ounce of emotion, every desperate, aching need that filled me to bursting, into a single press of our lips.

No, one kiss wouldn’t be enough. Not for all these feelings I had bottled up inside.

So I kissed him again, and when his mouth opened for me, I slid my tongue inside to wrestle with his.

Again.

Nick groaned, and my paws drifted to the small of his back as he started grinding his hips against mine.

Again.

I moved one paw to the top of his head and tilted him, exposing his delicate neck, and I licked a stripe up it from shoulder to jaw with my sandpapery tongue before kissing his throat. Nick gasped, melting into my arms with a delicious moan when I nibbled on the tender skin at the base of his neck.

Shit. A zing shot down my spine and straight to my cock. Are we really gonna do… this? Is now even the right time?

I sucked, and he cried out in both pleasure and delight, grinding even harder against me, almost desperately. No, yeah. Now’s absolutely the right time. When I released him, our eyes met. I shivered at the darkened, half lidded way he was looking at me, and suddenly my jeans were very, very tight.

“Knox?” He whined airily, claws digging into my back in an impossible attempt to get even closer. Or is he trying to make sure I don’t pull away?

He really didn’t need to worry. I rolled my hips against his, and he shuddered. If I’d had any doubts that he wanted this as desperately as I did, they’d vanished at his low, sensual moan. “Yeah, babe?” Damn. I sound desperate.

Hell with it. I was desperate; My jeans might have burst into flames at the heat of our friction. I was more turned on than I’d ever been in my life, and that it was with a guy didn’t make a damn bit of difference.

No, not just a guy. It’s Nick.

And Nick licked those soft, plush lips of his. Mine tingled in response at the mere memory of him, but I saw him working up to saying something. So, against my every instinct, I waited.

“Knox…” He slid his hands around my hips, tracing up over my belly, and settled on my pecs, where he burrowed his face and dug in his claws. The tiny shock of pain set my brain on fire, and I almost started to shoot right then and there. “Knox, I want you to take me to your bedroom. Please?” He stiffened, pulling back a little. “I mean, if you want to. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. We can wait—”

“No,” I growled. I need to touch him, wrap my arms around him and crush him against me, bury my snout in his neck and lose myself in peaches and cinnamon. Fuck. I was getting him into my bed, right the hell now. “No more waiting.”

I chucked him over my shoulder caveman style, and it had to be one of the hottest things I’d ever done. Nick shrieked with delight, kicking and flailing to get free, ordering me to put him down, but I the way he laughed assured me he wasn’t serious. I kicked open the door to my room and tossed him down on the bed. The mattress squeaked as he let out a little oof! and bounced up and down a few times.

I put a stop to that as I fell on top of him, taking care not to actually crush him when I lowered my bulk onto his body and pinned him in place. We kissed again, and he thrust up against my belly, sending a jet of fire roaring through me.

I wanted to tear his clothes off with my teeth. I wanted his bare fur against mine, to explore every inch of his lean body with my raspy tongue. There was so much that I wanted to do, all at the same time, and I… I…

I froze. I wasn’t scared, was I? All right, I was, at least a little. Things had gotten hot and heavy real fuckin’ fast, and I honestly didn’t expect to be doing all this like, tonight.

Would I even be any good? I’d never been with a guy before. Shit, I didn’t have any clue what I was doing, did I? I should’ve, I dunno, googled something? Should I watch some gay porn?

Fuck, what if I’m worse than no good? What if it’s bad? And he’s already laying here under me. I don’t have time to figure this out! What do I do now?!

As if he read my mind, Nick’s arms wriggled free to caress my face, sinking his fingers into the thick fluff on my cheeks. “It’s okay,” he said, his breath still quick, eyes still molten, but edged with a warm tenderness now too. “There’s no rush, Knox. We’ve got all night.”

He pulled me in for the softest kiss I’d ever had, and it was my turn to melt. I swear I could’ve puddled around him and oozed off the bed.

He was warm.

He was safe.

Nick was home.

When he let me up for air, he rolled me over to put us side-by-side. I reached out to lay my paw on his side; he did the same to me, and we were content to simply pet each other for a minute, exploring each other with our fingertips. The immediate need had relaxed some, but we were both still hard as nails, and a quick glance down showed me a giant wet spot on the thigh of his jeans. I smirked. It was hot to see him all turned on by me—hang on. That’s way too low to be from him. Wait… shit, really?

I moved to palm myself, and the pads of my fingers came away slick. “Oh. That was me?” I hadn’t cum, I knew that. But apparently Nick had me so keyed up that I was leaking straight through my pants.

That’s… kinda—no, that’s hot. Boiling hot.

The labrador grabbed me by the wrist, bringing my hand to his muzzle. There was a flash of pink as he licked his lips, and before I could react, Nick had one of my fingers in his mouth.

He wrapped his tongue around it, humming in pleasure as he licked each finger clean. The sensation made my dick pulse, and another shot of pre squirted into my boxers.

“Nick?” My voice wavered, and that funny, twisting need came flooding back into my gut. “I…” He was looking right at me, devil in his eyes, impish grin on his face, and my brain short-circuited for a moment before my tongue caught up again. “Uh, look, I… I want you. I really, really fuckin’ do.” Deep breath. You got this, Knox! “But I don’t have any clue what the hell I’m doing.”

He nodded. “I understand.” Nick trailed a lazy hand down my chest, over my belly, before settling on my…

Holy fuck!

I moaned—freakin’ moaned—_when he palmed my bulge. My hips bucked involuntarily against him once, twice, and that impish look turned downright savage. “D’you…” Oh _God, he squeezed, and I had to bite my lip to stop myself from blowing and ending this before it even began.

It was like he could tell I was about to cum. Actually, I think he really did know, because he moved his paw away and placed it on my hip instead. “Hey, Knox.”

“Yeah?” I couldn’t summon more than a whisper, my breaths were coming in such short, shallow gasps.

“Want me to teach you?”

Yes. Oh my God, yes!

“Yah-huh,” was what I said, bobbing my head rapidly for good measure.

“You got it, babe. Let’s have some fun, okay?” Nick stood up, guiding me along with him. The bed was a cavernous distance between us, and I already missed the warmth of his body next to mine. I could see his bulge in the orange sunset light that filtered through my window, and I stared at it for a long moment before I realized he’d been calling my name.

Wrenching my eyes back to Nick’s face, I sobered quickly when I saw the serious look on his face. He made sure that he had my attention before continuing. “Knox, before we do anything, you need to understand that if you’re uncomfortable at any time, if it’s too much, you can tell me to stop. And I’ll stop. No judgements, no questions asked. You got that?”

I nodded silently, and that devil lit his features up again. “Good. In that case, you’re wearing way too many clothes.” Nick hooked his fingers under the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it off in one fluid motion. It would’ve been easy to do nothing but stare at his lean, flat upper body, with its sinewy muscle giving him the barest shade of dimension, but he had other plans for me. “Take off your shirt.” He licked his lips again, and his fingers twitched as I grabbed the end of my shirt. “Not so fast.” I paused, and his smile was wicked, all teeth. “Do it slowly.”

Oh.

Oh, okay.

This is different. Thought that I was supposed to be the one in charge?

But something buried deep inside snapped me to attention. I wanted to give up control. I wanted to let Nick have the reins.

For once, I wanted someone else calling the shots.

So, I did as commanded. I hooked my fingers underneath my shirt and inched it up, keeping eye contact for as long as possible. My heart jumped in my chest as I watched Nick’s eyes follow my every movement, drinking in the sight of me. I felt ten feet tall, realizing that he didn’t care about my gut, or the softness that had overtaken my once chiseled body. He thought I was still as hot as I’d been in high school.

Well. He wanted a show? I’d give him a show.

Finally whipping the t-shirt over my head, I tossed it onto a pile of clothes that I really should’ve put in the wash a couple days ago before flexing my chest and biceps in a strongman pose. Nick’s eyes nearly popped out of his head, and I swear he drooled a little. Oh, wait, he actually had. He swiped the back of his paw over his mouth before giving his next order. “Turn around.”

“As you command,” I teased, and turned away. His stormy gray eyes bore into me, his hungry gaze exploring every inch of me.

“I’m…” Those eyes left me, and there was shuffling as he moved on the other side of the bed. “I’m looking away now, too. Pants and underwear next. Don’t turn around until I say so.”

I fumbled with the button on my jeans, digging against the tight denim with shaking fingers. Holy shit. I’d never wanted to get naked so fast in my life. Losing my patience, I grabbed either side of the fabric and ripped. The button flew across the room, and I shimmied out of my clothes in record time. And I stood there, panting, achingly hard dick twitching in the air, waiting for Nick’s order.

“Okay, you ready?” His voice trembled. Was it nerves? Could’ve been, but my pup also sounded excited.

I am too, bud.

“Yeah,” I rumbled, low and husky.

“On three?”

“Yeah.”

Nick counted us off.

“One…”

“Two…”

“Three!”

We turned, and I let out a strangled gasp.

Long, lean lines accentuated by wiry muscle and covered in wavy golden fur. Defined thighs he hid underneath loose pants, which was a shame. I bet he’d look amazing in skinny jeans.

Holy shit.

Nick Southwell was beautiful.

He hunched his shoulders, shrinking in on himself and scratching at his cheek, his earlier confidence retreating. “Sorry, I’m, uh, still pretty scrawny. But, yeah. This is, well… me.”

“Nick?” I could barely speak. My tongue was numb, and my face heated.

“Hmm?”

“Can I…” I swallowed around a lump in my throat. Trying again wasn’t much better, and I stammered out my words. “C-can I, like..” I sank to my knees on the bed, raising my arms toward him automatically. “Can I touch you?”

Nick blinked a few times, head snapping back like I’d popped a balloon right under his nose. I watched as his face scrunched up in disbelief before smoothing out into a cocky grin. He kneeled on my bed too, keeping us separated by only a few feet. Then he nodded, taking my wrists in his hands and hovering my mitts over his slender chest. “One rule,” he said.

It was impossible to hold myself back any longer. I had to sink my fingers into that soft golden fur, feel the beating of his heart and the heat of his body. “Anything,” I begged.

“Keep it above the waist.”

I whined. He laughed. I nodded, licking my lips.

“Okay.”

Nick pressed my palms to his chest.

“Wow.” He was rail-thin, but his muscles were well defined and hard under my touch. I gave him a squeeze, and the shiver that ran through his body reverberated in my own. Pressing a little harder, the rapid thump-thump of his heart pounding against my palm, and I knew he was feeling as keyed up as I was.

I shuffled forward on my knees a bit, inching closer to him as my wayward paws traveled to his sides and slid down the flat planes of his stomach. My thumbs rubbed over his abs, pressing slightly, and Nick let out a little gasp, wriggling under my touch, which caused my dick to jump. When it swung down, it bumped into something hard and warm, and I looked down.

Nick was still rock hard, cock jutting straight out from his body. His was a few inches shorter than me, but nearly as thick. Cut, too, unlike me, with a purple head was so swollen it looked painful. I couldn’t look away, and as my eyes traveled his length, I realized there was a wet, shiny stripe about midway up, and beneath, my sheets had a massive wet spot forming between us.

“Heh. Leaky, much?” I smirked at Nick, but he smirked right back.

“Actually,” he said, sounding full of himself. “I’m not the one at fault here. You’re the one making a mess.”

What? I glanced down again, and I realized he was right. I wasn’t dripping so much as drooling all over the damn place. “Oh.” My face flushed and let out a nervous chuckle. “Uh, sorry?”

He gave a filthy laugh. “It’s hot, babe. Don’t be sorry.” Nick reached out with a paw, and it was like time slowed down. Was he… Oh fuck. He was going to grab my dick.

Crap! What do I do—_Time caught up with me suddenly, and Nick’s paw felt like fire and silk when it wrapped around my girth. I moaned again,_ loud and dirty, involuntarily thrusting into his hand, which—of course—caused another gush of pre to ooze out of me.

He slid up to the head of my cock, twisting his palm over my tip a few times, which had me gasping and shuddering. When he slid back down, all the way to the root, his paw was slick with, well… me.

I didn’t mean to, but my head pitched forward, and I bit Nick’s shoulder. Not hard enough to draw blood, but definitely hard enough that he had to have felt my fangs. The answering shudder and decadent groan assured me it wasn’t a bad thing. He was lazily stroking me now, running his hand over my head whenever I got even a little dry. Everything was slick, and hard, and warm, and…

Oh shit. Not yet, not yet…

“Nick… wait, slow down!” I panted. This was good. No, incredible. It couldn’t end in just a few minutes! I hadn’t had enough, but somehow it was almost too much to handle at the same time. “I’m gonna bust if you—” was all the warning I could manage.

The rest of whatever it was I thought I was going to say choked off in a strangled cry as he squeezed my shaft and started twisting his paw around it as he stroked me faster. “Good,” he breathed.

He stretched up to whisper in my ear, warm breath tickling my fur. “I love you. Do it. Cum for me, tiger.”

“Fuck!” I yelled, biting down on Nick again as black spots danced in my vision before I squinted my eyes shut. And I did as he commanded, shooting all over the damn place in powerful, rapid-fire shots. I heard Nick gasp, then giggle as I kept pulsing out my load, and I swear it went on for an eternity. My head buzzed as my entire body started quaking, and I sagged against Nick, fucked out and completely boneless.

My claws dug into those delicate hips as I tried so hard not to damage him. When it was down to the aftershocks, Nick finally released me, my dick still half-hard and a little sore. Only then did I let him go, sinking down onto my thighs, as little shivers ran through me as my dick continued to twitch. “Holy…” I gasped for a moment, trying to catch my breath. “Holy fuck.”

I opened my eyes, and… Oh shit, now that’s hot. Nick dripped, covered in my seed, giant ropes of it painting his beautiful flat stomach and chest and dripping down onto his cock. Some of it had even hit his face, and my heart did a backflip when his tongue lazily stretched out to lick away a glob, humming in pleasure as he did so. And he did something I didn’t expect at all.

He captured my face in his hands and kissed me.

It was almost indescribable. My erection had flagged, but the taste of me on his tongue combined with own sweet flavor was nearly enough to do the impossible and make me hard again. I didn’t know what to expect, tasting my own cum—it never even occurred to me to try it—but the salty bitterness on lips stirred something primal, deep in my gut. We made out for a moment before he eased me onto the bed, kindly avoiding the massive wet, sticky mess I’d made.

“Wait here a moment.” Nick bopped me on the nose before shuffling off to the bathroom. He returned shortly with a towel that he’d clearly just used to clean himself off.

Straddling my hips, he wiped up the mess I’d made of my fur as well. I hadn’t even noticed I’d gotten any on me, really. His still-hard cock bobbed in the air, and I grunted. “Hey.”

“Mmm?” He’d finished wiping me up and chucked the towel onto the laundry pile.

“You didn’t finish.” My paw tingled, and I made a grabbing motion at him. “D’you want me to…?”

Nick shook his head, sliding down to rest against my side—and he had to be in the wet spot—and sighing happily. “Another time. I wanted tonight to be about you, not me.”

“You’re sure? I don’t mind.” Katie had always been pissed if I didn’t get her off, too. Which was, y’know, fair, but she somehow never returned the favor when the shoe was on the other foot. “In fact, I kinda really, really want to.”

“Mmn-mmm.” He kissed my cheek, snuggling against me. “Shh, now. It’s time for aftercare.”

Huh. That was… different. Nobody I’d ever been with had ever wanted to cuddle or anything afterward. But my eyes were growing heavy, so instead of questioning it, I slid my arm along Nick’s back to pull him closer. “Mmkay,” I said, yawning widely. “It’s early, but I guess I’m a ‘lil tired, babe. Sorry.”

Nick stroked my chest and tilted his head up to kiss my cheek. “Sleep, hun. It’s okay.”

“Mmn.” I grunted, starting to purr as his warm body clung to mine. “’Kay. G’night,” Eyes fluttering shut, I mumbled out the rest of my words.

“Love you, Nick.”

“Love you too.”

And we slept.

—

To Be Continued…

—

—

Knox

—

Birds chirping outside my window pulled me from the deepest sleep I’d had in, well, I don’t really remember when. I cracked open one eye and immediately shut it again; the sun was blasting its rays through the tiniest crack in the curtain and hitting me square in the face. Grumbling to myself, I rolled over to wake Nick up. “Rise and shine—”

Oh. He wasn’t there. I sighed heavily as my lips curved into a frown. Deep down, I knew it was unrealistic of me to expect him to stay, but he’d blown my mind last night, and I wanted to cuddle it out, damn it! I sat up, shrugging off the blanket that had somehow gotten draped over me, and pulled on a fresh pair of boxers. When I opened the bedroom door, though, two sensations hit me at the same time: something sizzled and popped in a pan, and freshly baked… I couldn’t tell what it was, but it wafted through the air and tantalized my nose. Whatever it was, it smelled divine.

On quiet feet, I padded to my kitchen. I heard the clank of a pan, and the sizzling sound grew louder and louder as I walked over. Finally turning the corner, I found Nick, and my heart damn near stopped. Nick had a pair of wireless headphones on, his hips swaying to the beat of some music only he heard as he hummed along. The oven light was glowing, showing there was something baking, and the sausage was cooking filled the air with savory spice. The scene was entirely domestic, and it made warmth bloom in my chest.

What really got to me, though, was what Nick had decided to wear. A pair of dark green boxer-briefs hugged his hips as he swayed, the color popping against his curly golden fur. I wanted to tear them off with my teeth. He looked so much more appetizing than whatever he was cooking.

The thing that pushed it over the top was the shirt he was wearing. It was a fire-engine red sleeveless t-shirt of mine. I usually used it to work on my cars at home, and while it was clean, there were grease stains and little holes all over the thing. I only ever wore it around the house, and I usually kept it lying around so I could pull it on easily. My face flushed and my ears folded back as I remembered I hadn’t washed it in a couple of weeks, but that didn’t seem to have bothered Nick at all. He was practically swimming in the shirt, one shoulder almost hanging out, its loose fabric swaying in time to his music and draped over the base of his wagging tail.

I couldn’t keep myself away any more, sneaking up behind him and wrapping my arms around his waist to pull him into me. Nick squeaked, damn near jumping out of his skin, before twisting around and bopping me on the nose with a wooden spoon. “Fuck you, Knox!” he said with a laugh as he pulled off his headphones. “How the hell didn’t I hear you coming? You’re, like, a million times bigger than I am. What gives?”

“I’m a cat. We’re sneaky.” I licked his cheek, running my rough tongue through the fluffy fur there before pressing a soft kiss to the same spot. “Whatcha makin’?”

Nick turned to stir the sausage crumbles in my big skillet. “Biscuits and gravy. Figured it was easy enough, and my dorm-mate back in college taught me a few tricks to make a perfect gravy.” He wiggled in my arms, leaning back to rest his head against my chest. “Don’t get used to it, though. This is like, the second-best thing I can cook.”

“Well, it smells incredible.” Dipping my head down to the cleft of his neck, I took a deep breath through my nose. “Mmm, and so do you, babe. Did you bring your own bathroom supplies? You’ve gotta tell me what you use that makes you smell all like peaches and cinnamon.”

He looked up at me and blinked. “Uh, I don’t? I mean, I brought my own stuff, but it’s all unscented. Mom was allergic to the perfumes in most soaps, so I didn’t bring anything smelly with me.” I blinked back, and we stared at each other in silence for a minute before Nick glanced away, his ears drooping as his tail started wagging slowly. “You think I smell like peaches and cinnamon?”

I nodded. “You always have. Even when we were kids. It’s always driven me crazy; I can pick you out in a crowd every time just by following my nose.” With a squeeze to Nick’s waist, I moved to pluck the spoon from his paw and stirred the sausage again. “I wonder why that is? This is about done, by the way.”

Nick twisted out of my grasp. With deft fingers, he picked up a chunk of butter and tossed it into the skillet before taking the spoon back from me with a huff. “You never paid attention in biology. They taught us this at like, the end of junior year.” When the butter melted, he tossed in a little bowlful of flour that I hadn’t seen and started stirring vigorously. “Predator species have powerful senses. Everyone has a unique scent, and it’s different to every different person.”

Now went in a big measuring cup of milk. Where had he found all these tools? I swear I didn’t have all this stuff. “Like, my dad says mom smells like lavender, but I think she smells like freshly dried cotton sheets. And yeah, some of it is soaps and perfumes and body spray and stuff, but it’s mostly biology.”

“Huh.” I let that marinate for a moment before plucking at the back of my old t-shirt. “Is that why you’re wearing that gross old thing?”

Oho, that was it. His head dipped down, but his tail started going a thousand miles an hour. “You need to take a shower,” Nick mumbled. “Go do that. Breakfast’ll be ready when you get out.”

I nipped at his exposed shoulder, growling in his ear. “Fine, but don’t think you’re getting out of this.” He shivered deliciously against my chest, and turning to go, my tail pointedly brushed across his ass, which earned me a groan. I sauntered into the bathroom, quite pleased with myself, and turned on the water to let it heat.

Once it was steaming gently, I shucked off my underwear and stepped into the spray. I let the water stream down my body, enjoying the pressure of the massaging jet on the back of my neck and shoulders. Damn, I was glad I’d renovated the bathroom first. I soaked the rest of my fur before grabbing my body wash and lathered up to wash yesterday down the drain. I idly wondered what part of the house I should renovate next. The living room mostly just needed a ceiling fan, and my bedroom had too much stuff in it to work on. The kitchen…? Kitchen might work, I thought. Nick seems to like cooking. Bet he’d make some real tasty—

I froze, front half covered in foamy suds. Nick… It had only been like, three days, but I was already thinking like he was going to stay long term. Remembering that he was only here for the month was hard to do when we fit together so easily in my little home, in my cheap, lumpy mattress. When he slotted just right, burning hot, into my arms, making him look so small, so fragile. So… mine. And the painful thought hit me right in the chest, squeezing my heart in a vise.

One month didn’t seem like enough. No, it definitely wasn’t enough! My stupid ass had ruined this for ten fucking years, and now that I finally knew what I wanted, finally had Nick in my life again, we had a damn time limit?

The steam puffed in thick, foggy clouds around me, making it hard to breathe. That had to be why I was suddenly gasping for breath, right? And the shaking that made me drop the soap bottle was because I hadn’t eaten, right?

Liar, my brain offered helpfully.

The skin beneath my fur itched from the suds sitting too long, so I turned to rinse them off, then let my head hang under the water, letting the heavy jets pound against me.

What was I even thinking? It wasn’t like I’d ever had a shot at keeping him in my life, anyway. He was better than this town, better than the small-minded busybodies. He was better than Mavis deserved.

And he was better than me, too.

Mister big-city lawyer, with his fancy job, and his fancy apartment, and his fancy convertible. His big ol’ fancy words, and his big ol’ fancy dreams. “Face it, Knox,” I mumbled, as my eyes burned—must’ve got soap in ‘em or something. “You’d only hold him back if he stayed.”

But as much as my thoughts wanted to swirl around that sour, shadowy place they’d fallen into, I refused to stay there. Because Nick, like he did so many times these past few days, rose to the surface of my mind. His smiling face when I gave him those cookies. The way he looked to me for comfort when he’d fought with his parents, and the fact he’d fought them for me.

The way he tasted on my tongue when I kissed him the first time, and the power behind his tiny frame when he used his whole body to kiss me back.

Peaches and cinnamon, laying in my bed, using my chest as his pillow.

My whole body jolted as I shot upright, banging my head against the shower head. I cursed under my breath, rubbing the spot as I allowed myself a cautious smile. No way, Nicholas Southwell. That smile grew into a deep belly laugh, and I let a few tears slide down my cheeks to disappear into the already wet fur there. No way am I letting you go. Now that I have you, I’m never gonna let you go.

Not without a damn fight.

Hell, I’ll fight this whole town for you. Damn the shop. Damn this house. Damn this small-ass town. I don’t need any of it.

But I don’t think I can do without you any more than I could do without breathing.

Nick, I’m coming for you, and I’m playing for keeps.

Brimming with a new purpose, I shut off the water and turned on the new fur dryer I’d had installed just a few months ago. Scrubbing at my fur with my fingers helped dry me faster, and I pulled my boxers back on before smoothing everything down and heading back to the kitchen. Cooked sausage and spicy gravy hit my nose the second I hit the hallway. “Smells great, Nick! Is it ready—”

The sight in my kitchen froze me right in my tracks. Nick was oblivious to the world around him, hips swaying to some upbeat song he was humming. Off-key, of course—Nick loved singing, even though he and everyone else knew he couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket. The kitchen was a mess, too. Every mixing bowl I had was on the counters, along with a biscuit cutter I didn’t even know I had. My one and only sheet pan rested on the table, filled with biscuits just a couple shades too dark to be golden brown. And to top it all off, a fine coating of flour coated just about everything I owned. The whole mess was wholesome as fuck. I let out a strangled noise when I tried to say something, causing Nick to jump and turn to face me.

“Oh, hey! You’re finally out of the shower.” He had a dusting of flour too, from his cheek all the way down his borrowed shirt, and the look on his face shook me to my core. His smile was different from any of the ones I’d ever seen before. This one was for me, and only me, new and powerful and full of easy comfort. Nick came up with a whole new expression just to show me he cared.

Holy fuck. That’s it. I’m never letting you go. No-one else gets to see that smile.

It might actually kill me if they did.

If he noticed my slack-jawed expression, he was kind enough not to mention it. Actually, his ears were back, and he raised a claw to scratch at his cheek. “Umm, yeah… sorry for the mess. I had to look up a biscuit recipe on my phone, and I kinda exploded your kitchen. Don’t worry though, I’ll clean up after we—woah! Knox, what…?!”

One, two, three long steps, and I was in front of Nick, whirling him around to mold him to my chest as I slammed my lips against his in a claiming kiss. His arms flailed a bit before automatically wrapping around the back of my neck, letting me support him as he melted against me. I got a little aggressive with it too, if I’m honest, shoving my tongue into his muzzle with all the gentleness and tact of a wrecking ball. When I finally let him up for air, a deep, satisfied rumble boomed from my chest at the dazed and dopey grin I’d stuck him with.

“Doesn’t matter,” I growled. “It’s perfect. Everything’s perfect.” Another quick peck, and then I gave his nose a little lick. “You’re perfect, babe. Love you.”

Nick rubbed a paw over his nose, wrinkling it as he chuckled. “Love you too, babe.” It took him squirming for a minute before I remembered he was cooking, and I had to let him go. He flapped a hand at me. “G’wan, sit. Breakfast is basically ready. I’ll bring you a plate.”

My stomach growled, and I nodded silently as I hurried over and pulled out a chair, where a tall glass of orange juice and some silverware were waiting for me. A matching set lay opposite me on the table, and that warm, fuzzy, familiar feeling spread in my gut.

“No, Nick,” I whispered, softly enough that I knew he wouldn’t hear me. “I mean, I love you forever.”

—

Nick

—

Well, I made way too many damn biscuits, and they were a little over-baked, but honestly? Not too bad, if I do say so myself. The gravy was damn near perfect—I’m not exaggerating when I say it was my best ever. Knox heaped on the praise as he scarfed down a pile biscuits drenched in rich creamy gravy, and I beamed as I worked on the identical, but smaller, plate I’d made for myself. Did you know smiling like a lunatic makes it hard to get food into your mouth? I didn’t, but I do now.

Knox went back for seconds after I’d assured him I didn’t need more. Okay, so I could’ve put away a couple more, but the man was literally twice my size. If I let myself eat as much as he did, I’d be round as a bowling ball.

So, I relaxed in my chair, sipping on the last of my juice, watching Knox eat. He was slower this time, taking small bites and savoring each one. My heart thumped wildly in my chest, and that stupid grin that had never left my face somehow grew even wider. God-damn, I love this man.

And that’s what finally took the edge off my smile. Sure, I loved him; I didn’t doubt that. Fuck, if I thought about it, I’d probably loved him all throughout high school, too, bullying be damned. But really, we only met partway through sophomore year, and we’d stopped being friends when we were seniors. Then I left, and I hadn’t talked to him at all for ten years.

Were we moving too fast? Hell, I’d only been in town three days, and I’d basically moved in and started playing house. I enjoyed being domestic with him, sure, and I liked the way he said ‘I love you’ with his eyes and his lips and his body, not just his words. And it was a real big ego boost that the sight of naked, scrawny old me made him harder’n nails. I’d never even realized it was possible for someone to leak that much…

It had been so easy to slip into this new life with Knox. Maybe too easy. I set my glass down and shifted in my seat, the worn-out padding on the chair suddenly uncomfortable, my skin a little too tight. That darn tiger set my heart on fire, made my nerves sing, made me weak at the knees at the mere sight of him.

Three days. Is that enough to tell if this’ll last?

This is moving so fast. Is this going to be forever? Or just a fun, extended vacation? What does he want from this?

Shit. What do I want from this?

I wasn’t entirely certain, but the one thing I knew was that I wanted to be here for him, like he was there for me back in high school. Like he’d been there for me now, with my busted car, and taking me in after my parents flipped. Whether he wants a friend, or a fuckbuddy, or a real, lasting relationship, I’ll take whatever he gives me. But it’s definitely new to him, so I’ve got to slow it down. No, it’s worse than that—I have to let Knox set the pace on this thing.

It’s going to kill me if he doesn’t choose me in the end.

I had less than a month to figure it out, and suddenly staring down the barrel of that deadline tied my stomach in complicated knots. The last remaining bite of biscuit on my plate squidged around, growing cold as I nudged it with my fork.

Should I say something to Knox? He’s been pretty easygoing, but if he’s not already doubting… well, us, it might only make him doubt things too, and that might blow this entire relationship before it even really starts. But if I don’t tell him, I think I need to tell someone, at least. But who? The only other person I could even sort of call a friend is Clark, and I literally just broke his heart. But—

A shadow fell over my bowed head, and I jumped, looking up to see Knox looming over me from behind. Two massive mitts came to rest on my shoulders, where he squeezed and rubbed my tense muscles. It was quite effective at driving all thoughts from my brain, and I sank against him with a very undignified moan. “Shit, Knox, that’s… ooh, right there…”

He chuckled, a deep, rough rumble, and continued kneading me for a few more minutes before sliding his paws up to my cheeks and tilting my head back. Then he bent down, lowered his face to mine, and kissed me. It was a bit weird, making out with him all upside-down like that, but Knox’s slow, sweet lips danced with mine, and I lost myself, tasting the warm breakfast spices on his tongue. When he stopped to let me up for air, there was a fond sparkle in his eyes that made me glad I was sitting down, because it would’ve turned my legs to jelly.

“I gotta go into the shop for a bit, babe. Theres some paperwork I have to do, and I need to pick up that contract if you’re going to take a look at it.” Knox’s thumbs rubbed tenderly over my cheekbones a few times before he shifted, patting me on the head before standing up. “You gonna make it home alone today?”

“Uh…” It took some rapid blinking and a couple shakes of my head to bring my love-drunk brain back online. “Oh. Yeah, I should be good. There’s plenty of food, I have my laptop, and I don’t have to go anywhere.” I thought for a moment. “Oh! What’re you’re going to wear to the reunion tonight? Want me to iron something for you?”

Knox let out a deep belly laugh. I swear it shook the house, it was so loud. “Nick, I don’t even own an iron, let alone have any clothes it’d be worth using it on. I was just gonna wear a flannel—one with sleeves, but I’ll roll them up—and some jeans. If ya really want, chuck ‘em in the dryer for like, fifteen minutes. That’ll knock out the worst wrinkles.”

“Note to self,” I snarked at him, “buy my uncultured, backwater, hick tiger an iron.”

He laughed again as I pushed out the chair to stand. When I turned to face him, he was grinning like he’d won some kind of prize. Grabbing me by my too-big, borrowed shirt, Knox yanked me forward and hugged me so tight I think I felt some bones pop. “Damn right I’m your tiger,” he whispered in my ear. “And don’t you go on forgetting that.”

Even as I nuzzled into that oh-so-soft puff of white chest fur (seriously, I needed to get in his shower and see what products he was using), I felt a clench of doubt creeping back into the pit of my stomach. Did he understand what he was saying? Know how much I wanted to be out with him, walking the city hand in hand, cuddling together on a picnic blanket in the park? I wanted to be a couple, damn it, but I couldn’t tell him that, because what if he doesn’t? He says he loves me now, but what if he changes his mind?

What if I upended—no, ruined his life here in Mavis for something that isn’t even ‘until death do us part’?

My phone started buzzing on the counter, alerting me to a phone call. Knox moved to pull away. “Oh, you should get that—”

I battened on with all the strength my arms could muster. When I spoke, I hated the way there was a slight tremble in my words. “No. Please, would you… please hold me? For just a minute more?”

Knox stiffened oddly at my request, but quickly moved to wrap me up in his beefy arms again. He lingered, giving me way more than just the minute I asked for, but when my phone buzzed again, he gently, kindly, pushed me away. “Go check your phone. I gotta get dressed and head in anyway.” With a friendly shove, he pushed me toward the kitchen. “There’ll be more cuddles later. Promise.”

“Yeah,” I whispered. “Yeah, okay.” I turned to watch him go, the massive man’s built shoulders and ass swaying in time with each step. Damn, that tiger is fine…

My phone buzzed a third time, and with a sigh, I finally picked it up. My eyes widened when I saw three missed texts from—Dad?!

Dad: Nick, you around?

Dad: Nick, you need to answer me.

Dad: We need to talk.

My tongue went numb. Had something happened to mom? No, surely he’d have called me if it was that urgent. But why the texts? Why wouldn’t dad just call, if he wanted to talk? And for that matter, why now?

Knox came back into the kitchen to give me a peck on the cheek before he headed out, and I heard that old truck roar to life when he started it. I still had my phone in one paw, and I stared at it like if I just glared hard enough, it might start making some damn sense. Since that wasn’t getting me anywhere, I tapped the screen and swiped with my thumb to create a reply.

Me: Hey, Dad. What’s up?

—

Knox

—

The drive to the shop was even shorter than usual. I mean, it still took fifteen minutes, but it flew by because I had a certain golden-furred canine locked into my thoughts, still wearing my old shirt and covered in flour. Shit, just thinking about him made my heart thump away, and a warm fuzzy glow filled me to bursting inside. I swear I was floating as I hopped out of my truck and walked the few feet to the back door.

If I hadn’t had my head in the clouds, I’d have noticed that every single one of my employees parked outside.

I opened the door, and it chimed, and five pairs of eyes swiveled from the coffeepot to lock onto me. They let me get inside, at least, before they swarmed me like ants on an ice cream cone.

Casey, the loudmouth coon hound, punched me in the shoulder. “Damn, son, I knew tigers liked marking their territory, but in public? Dude!”

I chuckled weakly. “Marking my… Nick? It’s not like that, man, I—”

“And I can’t believe you proposed to him?! In the middle of Nancy’s?!”

That came from Hank, my tire guy. My face heated, and if it weren’t for the fact he looked so damn concerned, I’d have thought he was giving me shit. “W-What? I didn’t propose to him! What the fuck?”

More questions flooded in, so thick and fast that I couldn’t even really respond to any of them. Were the walls always so small in here? And why was it so fucking hot? Was the A/C broken? I was sweating bullets over here, not to mention that it was getting kinda hard to breathe.

Holy fuck.

Why can’t I breathe?!

“Okay, guys, ease up!” A clear, strong voice cut through the crowd, all eyes swiveling to him. Marcus. “Bossman’s got shit to do, and so do y’all. We open in thirty. Get your shit together!”

There was a lot of angry grumbling, but the guys let Marcus grab me by the elbow and haul my ass into the office. He all but threw me into my torn-up swivel chair, and opened my mini-fridge to pull out two bottles of ice-cold water before cracking one open and handing it to me. “Breathe, boss. You’re all right. Just breathe.”

I panted, trying to get my bearings. What the hell was going on with me? My heart rate was calming down, and the sweat that had soaked me was going clammy. “That…” I swallowed. Hard. “That fuckin’ sucked.”

“They’re just excited,” Marcus said soothingly. “And a little worried about you. They’re good guys, though. We’ve all got your back.”

“Excited?” Swiping the back of my paw across my forehead, I dove into my desk for the stack of takeout napkins I kept there and used a pawful to mop at the back of my neck. “Excited for what? To tell everyone that I fell for the kid I used to bully? The one who grew up smart, and funny, and hot as fuck, and… and got a whole god-damn law degree, and came back to—” I choked, my mind racing. To what, exactly? He’d come back for the reunion, but why? It definitely wasn’t for me, that’s for damn sure.

Fuck. What are we even doing?

The sudden touch of Marcus’ paw on my forearm made me jump. He flinched, but kept a small smile on his face. “I hope that someday, I find someone who stirs me up as much as this Nick guy does you. You’re losing your damn mind.” He gave me a couple of reassuring pats. “The guys are buyin’ into the rumor mill, that’s all. I’ll get them to calm down, but why don’t you tell me the real story, hey?”

So I sagged into my chair, put my head in my hands, and let it all out. How Nick was so pissed at me to begin with, how he wanted nothing to do with me. How I’d begged him to give me a chance. The cookies and our drunken first kiss. All the other kisses I’d stolen after that, the times he held me together when everything was falling apart, the fear that I was going to lose him after this month was up.

And my decision to fight a losing battle for the only man I’d ever loved.

Fuck it, I loved him. It wasn’t just something I’d been saying in the heat of the moment; I loved him. I loved his laugh, his smile, the way he felt in my arms. Needed him, like I needed food, or water, or even air. I’d never felt this way about anyone before, and it came on hard and fast and unexpectedly, a freefall off a rope swing with the lake fast approaching.

“What do I do?” I whispered to Marcus, tears misting my eyes.

He shrugged. “I dunno, man. You’re like, ten years older than me, you think I have answers you don’t?”

I barked out a wet laugh. “Well, you’re no help.”

Marcus leaned in to clap me on the shoulder. “Never said I was!” Then he leaned back and let out a long sigh. “Have you, like, talked to him about any of this?”

I shook my head quickly. “No! I can’t do that! If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ll just lose him even faster—ow!”

The stoat flicked me on the nose. “This isn’t some cheap movie. Actual people talk about their actual problems with each other. I’m not the one you oughta be telling all this to!” And he met my eyes meaningfully.

I just stared at him numbly. Deep down, I knew he was right.

But not today. I’m not ready to do it today…

We both jumped when my phone buzzed. I pulled it out, grateful for the distraction until I saw who the text was from. “Fuck,” I muttered. “It’s Nick.”

“Well, open it!” Marcus didn’t wait for me, though, snatching my phone from my hand and swiping into the message. I lunged across my desk, knocking over a coffee mug full of pens trying to get it back, but he laughed and danced backward out of my reach. “He says, ‘Lunch, Suzy’s, one’. Ooh, cryptic!” His thumbs danced as he tapped out a reply for me.

I stalked around my desk and plucked it away, but he’d already sent the message.

Me: “Meet you there. Need to talk.”

“You bastard,” I growled, but before I throttled him, another messaged buzzed in.

Nick: “Yeah, we do.”

My stomach sank. “Fuck. What does that mean?!”

Marcus bopped me on the nose, making me sneeze. “It means you two need to talk. Like grown-ups. So meet him for lunch, bossman. It’s not as hard as you’re making it out to be.”

I gaped at him. “But… but I…”

“Nope!” The stoat raised a paw in front of my muzzle. “You’re going to lunch with your boyfriend, and you’re going to tell him all your scary little insecurities, and he’s going to laugh and cry and fall into your arms, and then you’re going to live happily ever after.”

That made me blink. “It’s that easy?”

He nodded. “The big mouse movie conglomerate wouldn’t lie to me, would they?” He punched me on the shoulder. “So it’s probably gonna be a little harder than that, yeah. But tell me this…” He stretched up on his tiptoes to look me square in the eyes. “Is he worth it?”

My brain conjured an image of Nick from this morning, dancing and singing while he cooked breakfast in my kitchen, carefree and relaxed in a space that we shared, the air smelling like sausage and biscuits and him.

Peaches and cinnamon.

“Yeah,” I whispered. “Yeah, he’s worth it.”

—

He’s worth it, I reminded myself, checking my hair in the rearview mirror. I’d been sitting in the parking lot at Suzy’s for about five minutes, waiting for the clock to read exactly one on the dot to go inside. I glanced at my flannel that I’d worn under my coveralls and picked a few pieces of lint off it.

Was I going crazy? Definitely. Was that knowledge helpful? Not really.

The clock ticked over, and I climbed out of the truck, my limbs moving stiffly as I trudged toward the familiar door. It really hadn’t changed since we were kids—hell, if I looked closely, I swear the dent I’d made in the doorframe after graduation was still there, from when I banged the edge of the last trophy I’d ever won into it.

This place had a lot of history. Mine, and Nick’s too.

It’s going to have a little more in a moment, I told myself. I’m gonna tell him. Swear I’m gonna tell him…

I repeated it like a mantra as I walked in. Suzy’s was busy, just finishing up the lunch rush, and the clink of dishes, the buzz of conversations, and the aroma of greasy fried foods soothed my jangling nerves. Suzy looked up from her podium where she tapped away at a tablet, the only modern convenience she’d ever let herself have. Those sharp eyes met mine, and for the first time in my life, her eyes softened when she looked at me.

Her voice was warm and soothing, too, which was even more unsettling. “Back corner. Your guy’s usual booth,” she whispered, jerking her chin in that direction.

I nodded, teeth on edge and more than a little creeped out. Suzy was generally polite, but she wasn’t nice. I sidled toward the back of the restaurant, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I saw Nick first, sitting in the far booth with his arms folded across his chest and wearing the dirtiest scowl I’d ever seen. His eyes met mine, and his face brightened somewhat, but then someone I hadn’t noticed sitting across from him turned to face me.

Fuck. I froze in my tracks, torn between jumping to protect Nick and turning tail to run.

“M-M-Mr. Southwell, sir?” I stammered, the breath rushing out of me like I got kicked in the stomach.

He just pointed to the seat next to Nick. “Sit down, son.” The tone of voice he used was flat and stern, and left no room for argument.

I swallowed hard, feeling for all the world like I was eighteen and not twenty-eight as I plunked my ass down next to my golden-furred love. We stared at each other, Mr. Southwell’s eyes calculating, my back stiff as a board and my shoulders up around my ears. My tail twitched behind me like a thing possessed.

He frowned, letting out a huff as he set his paws on the table.

“We’d best have a chat about you and my boy, Knox. Now.”

—

Nick

—

How the hell did I get here?

My dad texted me this morning saying we needed to talk. That was fine, and kinda fair after I basically up and left them after the fight over Knox.

Meet at Suzy’s for lunch. Yeah, I could manage that.

Bring Knox. And those words had sunk like lead into my belly. I didn’t dare hope my parents had come around, not yet. Was he just going to try breaking us up again?

I might’ve had my doubts, but I wasn’t about to let Knox go without a fight. Not yet, anyway.

So when he leveled that look at Knox, the one that said, ‘You’re in big trouble, kid,’ and growled at him, well. My hackles went up, and I growled right back.

“Knock it off, dad. We didn’t have to be here. Be nice, or get out.”

That only made his frown deepen. He continued his stare-down with Knox, who shifted uncomfortably as Dad addressed me. “Nicky, this is important. Stay quiet and—”

Memories flashed back to me of Mom and Dad doing damage control after my coming out. I remembered all the times they told me to just, ‘stay quiet, let Mom and Dad do all the talking.’ And it occurred to me then just how much of my story I’d let them write for me.

And it pissed me off.

Slamming my paws on the table, I made the three tall glasses of lemonade he’d ordered jump and wobble precariously. “I’m not gonna stay out of it! You’re treating me like a child, and you’re treating Knox like a villain, and I will not let you do that!”

Until Knox reached under the table to squeeze my knee, I hadn’t even realized I was panting in rage. I let myself relax against his side. “Nick, it’s okay,” he said, voice low and rumbly in a way that made me shiver. “He doesn’t know me. Not yet, anyway. And I, uh, kinda expected this.” Knox squared his shoulders, keeping his rough paw on my knee as he faced down the grizzled, wiry farmer that was my father. “Mr. Southwell, I—”

“Richard,” he muttered. Knox fumbled at that, stuttering to a halt. Dad looked away, scratching at one cheek with a claw. “You’re grown. An adult. You can call me Richard.”

“T-thanks.” Knox took another deep breath, betraying his inner nerves. “Richard. I’m sorry. I treated Nick something awful in the past, but a lot has changed for me. For us. Can I… no. I want to show you that.”

Dad snorted. “You think this is enough to convince me you’ve changed? This little play you’re puttin’ on here? Playing house with my son?” Knox flinched, and something inside me winced with him. “You’re no good for him. And what’s he supposed to do now? Come back to Mavis, after he fought so hard to get out the first time? Or are you going to move back with him?” He scoffed. “What happens once you get him out of your system, huh?” Dad leaned in and glowered at my man. “What happens when you break his heart a second time, you little shit?”

And that made my gut clench. Knox had been trying so damn hard. He took me on a date, held me at night, and he’d claimed me in front of God and everybody. Was that enough?

He’s opened up so much. It’s been beautiful, seeing him bloom in front of my eyes. Can I really let him go?

I looked up at Knox, who sat—jaw clenched, eyes fixed on my dad—as he said unflinchingly, “You won’t have to worry about me if I break his heart a second time. I don’t think I’d survive it if I did.” Knox’s paw left my knee as he snaked his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me possessively.

A tear leaked from my eye when he kissed the top of my head and whispered, “I barely made it the first time.”

Knox just sat there, breathing into the top of my head, my hair fluttering as he exhaled. Dad sank back into the booth and let out a gusty sigh. “You boys always were damn cute together.”

That made my ears perk up. “Dad? What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “Me n’ Connie used to have a bet going on when you two were gonna get together. Oh, don’t look so surprised,” Dad grumbled. “It was as sure as the changing of the leaves in fall. You were obsessed with the boy, and he just hadn’t figured it out yet.”

I blinked. “Who won the bet, then?”

Dad laughed then, a full belly laugh that shook the table and startled me and Knox. “Old Mrs. Wyrdmott! I owe her a bushel of our apples and twenty bucks.”

Knox gaped at my dad. “Mrs. Wyrdmott? She knew too?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Few of our friends did. Sorry, by the way, kid,” Dad said, reaching out and ruffling Knox’s hair like my boyfriend was a rowdy teenager still. “I was pretty pissed at you. Still am, honestly. But Nicky’s got a good head on his shoulders. Connie’s gonna be a tougher nut to crack, but I’ll talk to her.” He flagged down Veronica, the server who helped us on our first date. “Let’s get you boys some food, okay? I’m dyin’ for Suzy’s pot roast lunch platter.”

The emotional whiplash had me reeling. I stared at the table while Dad ordered, and he let Knox order us two of the same. I was vaguely aware of them chatting, Knox’s tone gradually becoming less stilted and more conversational as he and Dad just shot the shit together.

“Dad?” I whispered, still staring down at the formica tabletop.

“Huh? What’s up, champ?” The food arrived right at that moment, Veronica and a young female otter I didn’t recognize setting plates and refills of lemonade in front of us.

Do I want an audience for this?

Fuck it. If Knox can be brave enough to claim me in front of the whole town…

“Dad, I love him,” I blurted out, snapping my eyes to my father as I hugged Knox close with an arm around his waist. “Yeah, things are still new, and I don’t know how this ends, but I wanna fuckin’ try.” I turned my gaze upward to Knox, who looked down at me like I was something precious, something to treasure, to cherish. “Knox, I want to figure this all out. I want us to work. And we’re in the middle of Suzy’s and it’s not the right time and I sound like a crazy person, but—”

Knox shut me up with a hot, demanding kiss to my lips. I whimpered, pressing up into him and throwing my arms around his thick neck to keep him close.

“You know I want that too, baby,” Knox murmured when we broke apart. “I want that so fuckin’ bad.”

“Really? In front of my pot roast?” Both of us jumped, falling back to reality as we turned to face my dad, who wore a smirk. “You kids sure didn’t get to fuck it out of your systems when you were in high school—”

“Dad! What the fuck?!”

“—but can you stop sucking face long enough to eat lunch, maybe?” My ears and cheeks were blazing at being called out, but Knox just laughed awkwardly and rubbed at the back of his neck. I turned to see Veronica and the otter girl blushing and whispering excitedly, with the otter tapping away at her cellphone.

I untwisted myself from around my massive tiger to look at the pot roast piled high on two scoops of mashed potatoes and swimming in gravy with a side of garlicky green beans.

“Yeah, dad.” I took my spoon and fished up a bite. “Lunch with you and Knox.”

My dad and my boyfriend sharing a meal together with me.

Why did that make me so fucking happy?

Whatever. I don’t care about the whys and hows. This right here is something special.

Thank God I get to have this. I’ve waited ten long years for something this good, this right.

Knox’s shoulder bumped against mine, and I looked up to see the man I love grinning down at me.

There were green beans in his teeth. When he leaned in to kiss me, I savored him on my tongue.

Yes, even the garlic.

My God.

I hope this never ends.

—

_To Be Continued…

—_