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Chapter 8 ver 4 Seth was amazed at how well it cut. With surprising precision for a child his age Seth continued to carve the shape of a wide- downwards facing triangle into his father’s flesh. This one was right above his wrist, the last in a line of eight starting from his shoulder; his father seemed indifferent to the pain, simply humming a tune as the skin and fur was peeled. His other arm bore the same marks, most done by the druid who stood beside them; nodding approvingly as the Ranger’s son finished the scarification. “You’re doing wonderfully Seth” said the druid, an older fellow by the name of Murry; with a slight frown he glanced over at the man receiving the scarification “You really don’t want anything for the pain Lochlin?” “How many times do I need to say it- ‘Lucky’ is fine friend” said the Ranger dismissively “But no, I had a few drinks before coming in; not to mention I’ve felt worse” “I could give you something to bite down on at least...” “No need, I had Beatrix for that this morning...” he said, smirking wistfully. Murry shot him a glare that could kill, gesturing at Seth who seemed to pay little attention to their chatter “Not in front of the boy” he said disapprovingly, though after a moment his expression softened “...Are the two of you doing it for ‘leisure’ or are you hoping for a child?” “Both” said Lucky with an involuntary wince as Seth began cleaning the wound, silently wishing he’d taken the painkiller “...It’s scary how sharp that thing is; this part always hurts worse than the cutting” he looked at the ritual knife Seth had set aside: It’s blade was pitch-black and had a rather unusual shape to it, being triangular with a straight spine and wide base leading to a thin point; it had a curved style of grip commonly found on Acturan swords, with Jaggan’s sign carved into the grip “I heard you tell the tale plenty of times, but do you really believe it?” “That Jaggan-Thorn gave the knives to us and that she made them from her own body?” asked Murry, picking up the blade and looking into it “Yes, I do believe it” “...Isn’t that a little hard to believe?” “You’ve seen me perform the rites, you’ve seen the wisps near the graveyard; and you’ve claimed to have seen all kinds of abominations while on campaign... with all of the dark forces at play lately what makes it hard to imagine that it’s true?” “A bit of witchcraft is one thing, but the idea that your holding a piece of a god is plain nutty” said Lucky, glancing at Seth as he finished dressing the wound “What about you Seth?, you think it’s carved from one of Jaggan’s teeth?” “Mmhmm” replied Seth with a slight smile “She made them to protect us from the other gods, it’s the same reason she made the wisps” “Am I the only sane one here?” asked Lucky, returning his son’s smile while ruffling his hair “I guess a bit of madness is needed to become a druid, right Murry?” “For many reasons, yes” “In that case I’d better leave you crazies to it then” he said with a soft laugh before standing up and slipping into his jacket “I told Sawney that I’d teach him how to shoot better, oh; and thank the two of you for the new mark” “No, thank you for bringing me those books you found out west” replied Murry. “Um, thanks for letting me practice on you dad” quickly added Seth. “That wasn’t practice, Seth” “Oh, right” ... ... ... The pair were silent as they returned to the surface, both glad to be out of the underground for the time being. By now it was well past afternoon and despite the earlier bombardment a surprising number of people were milling about; an unusual number wearing old military outfits “The government used to offer land to veterans as pension, though the plantations produce too much too cheaply for independent farmers to make a living” explained Seth quietly, picking up on Rowan’s confusion “...Even if people like Kunzes didn’t bully them into giving up their plots” he slowed his pace, skipping around a puddle that could best be described as looking diseased before pointing towards a number of tall chimneys towering above the other buildings “See those?, the factories beneath them have shut down since marine trade was cut off; oh, and it goes without saying that sailors have been out of luck as well” “So that’s why half of the place is abandoned” said Rowan less as a question and more as a statement “But why is anyone here if that’s the case?” Seth stopped for a moment, blinking a few times as he processed the human’s words “...You realize most people don’t have enough money to just up and leave everything, right?” “Well- yeah but...” “...But everyone who can already has” Seth finished, shaking his head. Regardless of how accurate it was Seth had often seen himself as one of the most naive people he knew, and in a roundabout way was a bit relieved to find his naivety was outmatched “Actually...” he started, realizing he was beginning to become lost in thought “There’s still a handful of petty nobles pretending to be kings around here; mostly those without a country house to retreat to” “How lovely” said Rowan under his breath, frowning as he saw the beginning of an altercation some ways down the street. Seth silently gestured for Rowan to follow him along a side road past a row of damaged townhouses. Thinking back to the cannon-fire they heard back in the tunnels led him to assume that this area was an impact zone for at least one of the volleys “...So if Xander’s isn’t worth much strategically then why in the world do the Enclavers waste shots attacking it?” “Training exercises if I had to guess, naval warfare is quite literally a foreign concept to most Acturans; the fact that Liskia doesn’t care enough to maintain a navy on this side of the peninsula also means that there’s little risk of reprisals” said Seth, looking up at the shredded roofing across the street “They could also be using the city as a testing ground, do you remember me mentioning chemical bombings back in the tunnels?” “Yeah, my first thought was that it had something to do with toxins” answered Rowan “But I guess it could have something to do with the composition of the gunpowder itself” Seth nodded “Your first thought was on the mark, the explosions we heard today came from ancient siege-cannons; but the Enclavers also have these little pneumatic mortars they use to launch jars of liquid chemicals over the walls, which turn into poisonous gas when exposed to air” “Is it visible?, and if so what color is it?” asked Rowan, suddenly curious. “I haven’t seen it personally, but I’ve heard it’s usually yellowish-green” “Have you heard what it smells like by chance?” “No” one of Seth’s ears flicked as he spoke, listening carefully for anything out of the ordinary as they walked “Why do you ask?” “I studied chemistry back home” “Really?” asked Seth skeptically. “...It wasn’t my main focus in college unfortunately” admitted Rowan “But I still learned a lot” “Huh... what was your primary focus again?” “Law, economics, and all the crap associated with low-level politics” he said. “I would have guessed gardening” teased Seth “But if names meant anything I guess I’d have to be an angler” “Your name means fish?” Seth giggled softly “No, but my last name translates to Lake-Puddle in your language” “That seems a bit redundant” said Rowan with a slight smirk, he chose not to mention that he also found it quite endearing “Maybe you could teach me some more Minth later” “Honestly, if you aren’t already a speaker I think learning Jursen would be more useful” said Seth, he could feel his guard dropping; and felt a subconscious urge to reprimand his own subconscious for opening up, though ultimately he decided to suppress the feeling “Or if you’re set on learning a native dialect I’d recommend Kartish” “That isn’t -your- language though” said Rowan “I want to learn more about you” “You say that but...” “But what?” “...I know you’ll just be disappointed” ... Before long they made it back to Toren’s manor. As they passed through the gate Rowan noticed that part of the roof had an unsightly droop to it, and for a moment he wondered if it had been hit by the bombardment before realizing that it always looked that way “I’ll be lucky to make anything from selling this place...” he muttered before a familiar voice interrupted his thoughts. “What took you so long?!” called Joey from across the yard “We’ve been waiting for hours!” “Just over an hour” Luthay corrected, standing and stretching as they approached “Regardless of that...” he paused, looking over at Seth “...we need to talk” “...About what?” asked Seth hesitantly, habitually tapping his fingers against his side. Luthay frowned, shooting a glance at Rowan before speaking “You know what I’m talking about, Seth; we can talk alone if you’d prefer” “I’m not sure what you...” Seth started, pausing as he saw Luthay’s brow furrow “I... I’m sorry” he was silent for a moment, trying to find an excuse that wasn’t there before sighing “No... I think it’s best if we’re all present; we’ll be able to hold each other accountable that way” “As you wish” said Luthay, glancing back at Rowan “You’ve still got the keys?, good; I’d rather be away from prying eyes while we speak” ... “Tea’s almost ready!” called Seth “Just... a few more minutes!...” “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone delay things this blatantly” muttered Luthay, idly looking over both the mundane and odd objects lining the shelves of the lounge; his eyes eventually resting on one of many pale flasks “Honestly, I thought he was exaggerating way back when he told me the scale of Toren’s crockery collection” “Did he... tell you what they’re made of?” asked Rowan uncertainly, remembering back to the conversation they had yesterday as his gaze also began to linger on the same flask. “He did, though I can’t say I was too surprised” answered Luthay plainly “When I interrogated the potters he commissioned they said he was dead-set on overseering every detail of the process, worming his wiry fingers into the bone meal and such” he leaned back in the sofa; casually throwing (what was left of) one leg over the other “Whether or not his obsession was purely academic or an outlet for some depraved fetish is for you to decide. Though for me personally, I’ve decided to stop thinking about it” “... I think I’ll do the same” It wasn’t long until Seth entered the lounge, bearing the face of a prisoner walking to his execution as he carefully set a tea tray down on the coffee table. After a brief pause he took the seat furthest from the others; cautiously looking over each member of the odd company he found himself in before speaking “...How happy are you all with your lots in life?” “Miserable and getting worse” said Luthay flatly, annoyed by what appeared to be another stall tactic “Though I would feel far less terrible if you got to the point” “That was a relevant question” said Seth, teeth grating slightly “But more to the point: who or what would you all give for a better shot at life?” “Nothing for something that vague” “...Agreed” said Joey, casually pouring a cup of tea “You’re phrasing it like a devil-deal, so I’d pass” “And you?” asked Seth, an uncharacteristically sharp tone in his voice as he made eye contact with Rowan for what felt like the first time “What would you give?” “I.. well..” started Rowan, a bit surprised by Seth’s sudden change in demeanor “Sorry, I’m not sure how to answer that” Seth was silent for some time, looking as if he were analyzing the Seelie as he unconsciously began tapping his fingers to a tune that didn’t quite exist “...How would you feel knowing you were meant to be given?” “What?... what do you mean?” “...I mean to be sacrificed” said Seth reluctantly “How would you feel knowing that you were meant to die?” he stopped his tapping for a moment to reach for a cup: pouring himself some tea and shakily taking a drink of the scalding hot liquid “Thaumaturgy is more pragmatic than most doctrines; it doesn’t consider immortals or demons relevant to it’s pursuits unless they’re being used as materials...” Seth put down the teacup and held his hands together in his lap, taking a breathe to try and ward away the looming dread he felt “...Toren spent his life trying to change that” Luthay looked skeptical, though no one said anything as he motioned for Seth to continue. “...He spent the first thirty years of his life out west in the Liskian heartland, and spent almost twenty traveling throughout the western hemisphere” said Seth, looking down and to the side away from them “From Dunstradt to Abradal, he spoke to witches, sages; theologians and scientists alike, they all revealed hints but never solutions to the problem. It wasn’t until he heard stories of the new world’s blasphemous natives that he found a lead” “How flattering...” “When Toren finally set foot on the coast of Acturon he was disappointed to find that the westernmost colonies preferred to exterminate our people rather than subjugate us. At first he settled for studying the ruins and artifacts left behind, but without a translator or guide there wasn’t much he could do...” “And that’s why he moved to Xander’s and dragged you into this?” asked Joey. “He moved here almost ten years before purchasing me” said Seth “We Minth are rare, and he needed a native of the Minthan since we’re among the few to hold onto the old traditions” he looked up and weakly gestured to the older Acturan “He tried speaking to Luthay, but...” “My family moved east generations ago” explained Luthay with a frown “Neither me nor my parents ever learned the Minth language, only Kartish” “...The fact that I was taught by a scholar and had experience with dark forces made me perfect” said Seth quietly, shame washing over him “I was at one of the lowest points in my life when he bought me, and I.. I was actually happy to learn Thaumaturgy, and to read from his personal library; he listened closely whenever I spoke about my past... he...” Seth clenched his fists before wincing from the pain in his hand, sighing softly “He reminded me of someone important to me, and by the time I accepted he was irredeemable; I was just as guilty” Rowan bit his lip, on one hand he wanted to tell him he was innocent; though on the other hand he was still a bit shaken by how quickly Seth could flip between rage and self loathing. It reminded him of when they first crossed paths at that bridge, Seth had seemed so small and fragile; at the time a part of him had wondered if the Acturan was a lost child- and if he should have tried bringing him somewhere safe; but when Rowan apologized for disrespecting Toren’s death it was almost as if the innocence had been drained from Seth’s eyes, when he suddenly said in the most bitter tone he’d ever heard- “No, don’t be, he deserved it” Rowan could practically feel the loathing in his voice when Seth said it, and now he was mourning him; the same man who according to the journal entry Rowan had read yesterday, had exploited Seth’s trauma to psychologically punish him before suddenly praising his cooking skills of all things. The same man he had killed in cold blood. While Rowan could understand why and maybe even respect Seth for killing his master the fact that he could alternate between the two extremes made him uneasy, and briefly made him worry if Seth would- “...So for clarity’s sake, did you kill him? asked Luthay almost too casually, shaking Rowan from his thoughts “You told me one of his machines malfunctioned originally, but even if that’s true I’m guessing you had something to do with it” Seth was silent, it seemed like this was one of the questions he had been dreading if the brief look of fear he had was any indication. “...I’ll admit that if I had known how badly it would fail I would have been tempted to ignore it, but he wouldn’t even let me look at it; he- “That isn’t what you said to me before you left” interrupted Luthay, looking annoyed “You were cathartic when you came over the day after; you said he ignored your warnings” “I didn’t...” there was a hint of desperation beneath feigned sadness “You aren’t wrong, I was... relieved when he died; and he often ignored my warnings when- “Seth, we might not be the closest; but I’ve known you long enough to tell when you’re lying through your teeth” snapped Luthay, eyes narrowed “You haven’t even finished preambling and you’re already spinning a web of lies; if you’re lying already how are we going to be able to trust anything else you say?” he gestured to himself and the other two “Besides, do you really think any of us care if you burned him alive?” The last part caught Rowan’s attention, that little discrepancy between the letter he received and how Toren actually died wouldn’t stop coming up; not to mention the fact Kunzes immediately knew who he was AND that he got the message despite the fact they’d never met until then. Once again Rowan had to consciously fight the urge to bombard Seth with questions, especially since the diminutive fellow looked more and more like a cornered animal each minute. “I...” started Seth, feeling as if there was a lump in his throat “I just... I’m sorry, please forgive me” he bowed his head shamefully, unable to maintain eye contact “...I don’t want to be treated as a killer, I-I don’t want to believe that I enjoyed it; if they were alive my family would be ashamed of everything I’ve ever done” “For God’s sake... stop apologizing” said Luthay, his expression softening slightly “Listen, there’s nothing quite as satisfying as snuffing the life out of some bastard who’d do the same to you; it’s only natural you’d feel elated afterwards” “Lu’s killed people for far less” added Joey. No one said anything for a while after that. Seth was grateful for the moment of silence as he took a sip of tea. “...I must seem pathetic, huh?” mused Seth, looking up with a weak smile that left as soon as it appeared “I promise not to lie about what I’m about to say... where even were we?” “You and Toren were studying Minth traditions, and you mentioned something about demons at the beginning” said Rowan, eyes scanning over the odd trinkets lining the shelves with renewed interest “You said something about a ‘problem’ as well” “Right... that brings us to about a year ago give or take” said Seth, tail flicking slightly “Our research was going well, we had funding not only from the local nobility but also from a couple of the major trading companies back west; and with Mi- with Kunzes as the supplier we had no shortage of black market goods to work with” “What kind of goods?” “Oh, all kinds of things: religious artifacts, censored literature; Enclaver tools and materials, fresh corpses; chemicals- “Corpses?” asked Rowan, unsure if he heard correctly “...Like livestock?” “Um... usually people” said Seth uncomfortably “Mostly Humans and Acturans, but there was also a few... Mirveen?; they had feathers. Oh, and we had a single Abradali” “Any idea where they came from?” asked Luthay with a grimace. “I never asked Kunzes since, well... I was trying to keep as far away as possible” explained Seth “When I asked Toren he said they were the bodies of outlaws that had either been hanged by the authorities or killed by their fellow criminals for breaking oaths; I never knew if that was true or not” He continued: “Anyways, things weren’t that bad until Toren started showing signs of Thaumaturgical sickness; which is a catchall term for the cumulative organ damage caused by excessive use of Thaumaturgy” explained Seth, starting to slowly tap his fingers “When he started coughing up bloody phlegm Toren started to... well, he was always eccentric, and often stern; but he just started to lose his grip entirely” Seth looked into his tea before having a drink of it “He stopped leaving the manor, his punishments become increasingly common... about every other month he’d come into the cellar by my bedside in the middle of the night and just.. he would hit and scream at me until his throat became too hoarse to speak. It was like seeing an evil version of Murry- of my old teacher coming back to haunt me” “...Then he started using living people- he started using enslaved Acturans as test subjects a-and materials” Seth’s grip tightened as he fought to swallow the lump growing back in his throat “The first fellow... he was Kartish, about my age; I couldn’t believe how friendly he was to me... I didn’t know what Toren had planned, h-he said he just wanted another lab assistant; I didn’t- I didn’t know until I came back with groceries...” he took a deep breath, feeling sick as the smell and sounds of the memory felt as vivid as the imagery “Toren had injected him with a near lethal dose of sedative, put him in a machine we used for research; and began cutting him open... then he started cutting chunks of flesh from one of the fresher corpses and...” The nausea was clear on his face as he fought the urge to vomit, the sweet-yet-acrid scent of death becoming life was branded into his memory; the fact that the air itself was once thick enough with the odor to let him taste it didn’t help. “W-What purpose would any of that serve?!” exclaimed Rowan, starting to feel sick himself as his mind wandered back to the skulls they had buried just a few hours earlier; and then to the crates of flasks throughout the house “H-How many did he?...” “...You once told told me that he had eighty-three bills of sale dated from *before* he bought you” said Luthay grimly “...I’m guessing you were lying about the date to obfuscate things; but that number... I’m guessing that’s how many of our lot suffered a similar fate?” “You’re right” said Seth quietly “Plus those two old sisters... I couldn’t lie about them because they were the only others Toren didn’t get from Kunzes, the records were more or less public for them” “But- but why didn’t you tell anyone sooner?” asked Rowan, immediately regretting it. “...Because I’m a terrible, terrible person!” cried Seth, ears splayed back as he looked down “I tried to save that poor boy, I tried- I tried beating Toren to death then and there with a fire-poker, but I couldn’t; even as an old man he was stronger than me” Seth hugged himself as he shrunk back in his chair “H-He nearly killed me- you and Joey saw my scars didn’t you?, Toren gave me half of those after what I did... and then he started letting Kunzes use me whenever I misbehaved” “A-And he wasn’t doing anything illegal” continued Seth tears starting to well in his eyes “And even if he was who was I supposed to tell?!, the police?- Kunzes is sheriff here; the provincial guard?- they’re employed by the local nobility, the imperial army?- even if they believed some ragged mongrel’s accusations of witchcraft they’re all stationed down south” Seth’s looked at each of them almost pleadingly “...I-I tried to convince myself that the reason I obeyed him for so long was to get the most out of each of our victims, t-to minimize the number of live test subjects we’d need; but really I’m just a coward- a coward that ruins everything and everyone it touches...” Rowan bit his lip as Seth demeaned himself, his first instinct was to move closer and try to comfort him; but by now he had learned that it just made him more uncomfortable. “I... I don’t think you’re a bad person Seth” started Joey “You just said that you tried to minimize harm right?” “Yes, but-” “-What happened was inevitable” interrupted Joey “You’re smarter than me so you know it’s true” “I- that doesn’t-” “You tried killing him once but failed cause’ you’re too weak and noodly” they continued, earning an amused snort from Luthay “And even after being brutalized for it you worked above and beyond to slowly regain enough of his trust to finish the job, even though you knew failure meant being tortured and possibly raped to death. You did better than any of us would have in your shoes” “...I don’t have shoes” “It was a figure of...” Joey trailed off as Seth started to half-laugh and half-sob at their expense “...Fuck you” “Quite a rude figure” he snickered, wiping his tears “Ugh, I needed that though; I’m sorry for the outburst” “I told you to stop apologizing” muttered Luthay. “Sorry” came Seth’s reply as Luthay rolled his eyes “But jokes asides... I’ve been skirting around the ‘why’ of things haven’t I?” “You’ve been hinting at it, and we’ve all got our assumptions; but I think it’d be best if you said it outright” “Outright... alright, I can do that” said Seth, sighing “...We found a way to trade the flesh and blood of loved ones for a taste of godhood” None of the others spoke. “We discovered techniques and made machinery for reshaping living tissue using the flesh of blood relatives, we had everything except those materials ready” he continued, meekly looking at Rowan “It’s funny... just yesterday- when Joey came to check on me, I learned that you received news of Toren’s death weeks before he died... and that by killing him I had accidentally saved your life” “So that means... the letter of inheritance I received was just a lure?” asked Rowan, clasping his hands in thought “Kunzes... he knew my name back at the bridge, he’d been expecting me... were you-” “No, I didn’t” said Seth quickly “I-I didn’t know he had any family left, I swear; in fact it’s part of the reason I killed him- since even before he started dying he considered having children just to harvest them for parts later” “That’s sick” “That’s the kind of person Toren was” he said, silent for a moment as he tapped the side of his teacup “...He made ceramic out of the people he killed, is it really that shocking he’d consider infanticide?” “Of course it is!” said Rowan, taken aback by how matter-of-factly Seth spoke of such things “Even if mass murder is worse from a humanitarian standpoint it’s usually done by dissociating with the victims- but having a child just to profit off of them?, that’s a step beyond evil; it’s just not human” “...That’s quite fitting actually” said Seth with a sigh “The point of the project wasn’t ‘just’ eternal life or mending wounds, it was also to surpass mortal limitations without having to put any real effort in; to become as powerful as demons or the old gods of the Minthan...” he paused, cocking his head slightly as he thought of something “...Would you like a demonstration?” For a moment they all shared a look of incredulity; the same expression one might have after hearing their beloved childhood pet suddenly speak profanity. “This is a trick question, right?” asked Joey, cocking an eyebrow. “Eh?, oh!; I meant Thaumaturgy... just watch” said Seth sheepishly, ears splayed back slightly as he put forth his undamaged hand and made a motion much like snapping in reverse; cutting open the tip of his finger and smearing the blood into a zigzag shape on the coffee table “Nothing too serious; just enough to...” he trailed off, taking a deep breath and focusing. Suddenly, for a split second the blood seemed to bubble up before erupting in a violent burst of white sparks “Good god!” cried Rowan, noticing the explosion had left scorch marks on the table “How- why did you do that?!” “Thaumaturgy” hissed Seth as he clutched his finger, the fur around the cut he made having been singed off “Imagine if any idiot ruthless and rich enough could do that and more on a larger scale- all without the pain, bloodletting; focusing, and stupid symbols!” he took another deep breath whilst trying to ignore the pain “Of course... you couldn’t do it too freely, as even after the transformation you’d need to rest and feed between castings. I guess one good thing is that after abandoning your mortality you wouldn’t specifically need the bodies of family members to sustain yourself... any member of any mortal race will work at that point” “Right... so that’s where the issue lies” sighed Luthay, rubbing his temples “If it just further encouraged fratricide among the elite I doubt you’d have been so afraid to share it- hell, if that was it I’d make it public knowledge and laugh at the chaos!; but that last caveat just ruins everything, doesn’t it?; we’d be bred as feed for those pigs wouldn’t we?” “...The Count and the rest of Toren’s sponsors already know the basics” said Seth quietly, holding his hands together “...Michael knows everything I just said, and more; though thankfully he doesn’t know everything” suddenly Seth looked up and laughed weakly “He should be on our side you know!, he hates those ‘pigs’ more than any of us; yet he’s just patient enough to hold onto his rage, to save it until he’s powerful enough to back it up!” he sniffled, tears welling up as he thought back on their last conversation “...you fucking ran from all of it, all of this" Michael had hissed, his words echoing in Seth’s mind "You're a self-serving coward, do you just not care how many of your fellow Acturans you're consigning to death?”...he felt the bruise where Michael had kicked him "Or maybe you just enjoy it, Butcher" “...Seth?” asked Rowan uncertainly, the Acturan had been staring into space for some time now; appearing almost entirely lost in his own thoughts as he touched himself oddly “Are you alright?...” Seth blinked a few times, turning to face the Seelie with what appeared to be genuine confusion for a brief moment before frowning “...Sorry” he said softly before glancing back at Luthay “That leads us to another problem; considering how invested the Count and the others were in the project there is a very real possibility of them recruiting other, less skilled Thaumaturges to carry on the work... potentially killing several times more people just to catch up to where we left off, especially if they don’t collaborate with each other” “So even with the work destroyed and you hidden away somewhere, we’re still fucked” said Luthay glumly, leaning back in the sofa “Well, the situation isn’t that much worse than I expected all things considered; though it is a bit stranger. You mentioned something about Kunzes a moment ago though, said he was ‘saving up his rage’ or something?” “Oh... it’s a complicated mess” said Seth, looking down into his tea “I said he hates the Count, Toren, all the rich and powerful really; he only works for the monsters to know when and how to backstab them” “And they pay well” said Luthay skeptically “Even if he loathes the bastards, I find it hard to believe that he’d kiss ass this long just to get one over on them years later” “I mean it literally... he wants to kill them all” said Seth, taking a drink of tea “It might sound odd but... I’ve known him longer than anyone, and I truly think- beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Michael believes he’s serving the greater good” “So he’s delusional” “No, he’s...” Seth stopped, biting his lip as he tried to find the right words to try and justify the actions of the man he hated most “...If a fire was alive and sought to destroy evil, it couldn’t do so without burning everything in it’s path right?... and even if the pain it brought greatly outweighed the good it did, that doesn’t mean it’s only bad...” “Your analogy is stupid, and the point you’re trying to make is worse” “I... fuck you” said Seth, sounding defeated “...You’re not wrong though” “...I’ve heard enough, and moping around won’t do anyone any good” sighed Luthay, stretching as he stood and turned to Joey “I’m sending the commander one last letter; hopefully he’ll finally ferry over some real soldiers before we’re all dead” looking back at Seth made him pause for a moment, his tone softening as he added “I know you hate it, friend; but please stay inside. The two dozen of us at the office are barely able to keep Kunzes in line, let alone the Count’s boys when they start poking around...” “I know” Seth replied quietly. “And that goes for you too” said Luthay, looking at Rowan “Word travels fast, and I can guarantee you’ll wind up on their hitlist sooner than later; my advice would be to only leave when your food stores run out, and to bar your doors at night” “What about water?” asked Rowan “I didn’t see a well outside; does this place have plumbing?” “We have a bunch of rain barrels” said Seth “They should be full too” “Alright then, you should be able to hold out long enough” said Luthay, checking his gun before heading for the door with Joey in tow “...Take care, friend” “You too” replied Seth softly, sighing as they left. For a while neither said anything, both of them lost in their own thoughts until at last Seth spoke “...Would it be fine if I... if I took a proper bath?” he asked uncomfortably “I know it would be best to conserve water but...” “Go ahead- you don’t need my permission to do everything” said Rowan with a frown “Besides, you said we had several barrels worth; and it’ll probably rain more later” “Oh... that’s true, thank you” he said, quickly getting up to leave the room; briefly glancing over his shoulder at the Seelie before hastily scampering off. “...And now he’s too afraid to look at me” thought Rowan sadly, remembering how just earlier he had an almost childlike enthusiasm when they first went down into the tunnels; until he asked about his family at least “That was what set him off... it must have struck a nerve, especially considering how Seth said he had nothing left” Despite his curiosity Rowan made a mental note not to bring up the topic again, not wanting to ruin what was left of the little trust they had built. That reminded him of his own family; he hadn’t told any of them that he dropped out of college to collect the inheritance of their dead grandparent’s-cousin or whatever Toren was. By now though, the couple of friends he made at college had most likely shared that information with them “Dad’s probably having a fit right now” he thought with a smirk; in truth he’d been looking for an opportunity to drop out, and Toren’s bizarre inheritance plot had just happened to come at the perfect time. Even luckier was his timing, as if he had shown up just a few days earlier he’d likely have died by now “Honestly... I should be the one thanking Seth, not the other way around” thought Rowan, thinking back to what he’d said “Even if he didn’t intend to, he saved my life...” Even though he didn’t care about Toren that last thought still made him uneasy, as despite the fact he could understand his reasoning; Seth had still openly admitted to planning and carrying out the murder of someone the Acturan had been close to, even if the relationship was terribly abusive; the killing itself was a cold-blooded decision rather than an emotional one. “Maybe that’s better considering his outburst earlier...” Rowan pondered, taking a sip of the now cold tea Seth had made; to his surprise he found it quite palatable despite the change in temperature, it tasted a bit like mulch and dirt; but in a good way. After a while his thoughts began drifting back to what Seth had said earlier; the idea that him and Toren somehow discovered a method of achieving immortality sounded absurd, bordering on insane; yet the number of rich and powerful figures invested in the project made him consider what would happen if it were real. He didn’t think Seth was lying to him about having found it (as he wouldn’t have anything to gain) though he had to wonder how much of their discovery was based on possibility rather than reality. “Whatever” he thought, resting his head on his hand “History is made up of idiots killing each other over false promises; the only difference now is that we’ve got better weapons to do it with” ... Seth felt shame. He was ashamed of his past mistakes, ashamed of his present filth, and couldn’t help but feel ashamed of the eventual dark future he’d helped create. And when he looked in the mirror, he felt ashamed of his luck. Maybe he inherited it from his father, maybe it was a malevolent force playing with his fate; or maybe it really was just dumb luck. Either way, he didn’t deserve it. Seth let out a quiet sob as he slumped down against the wall of the bathroom, the pale floor tiles felt frigid on his nude body; yet he made no move to stand or move closer to the fire he’d lit to heat up water, instead he just curled up with his knees against his chest “Damn it” he whispered, hands covering his face “Damn it all” For one reason or another Seth felt the stress reach a tipping point after Luthay and Joey left; perhaps it was the fear that his friend would never see him the same way again, or the despair he felt knowing there was nothing he could do to fix things; but either way- he couldn’t force a smile or even deadpan stare any longer, he needed to cry. “Why me?...” Seth sobbed, a familiar scene of death replaying in his mind “Why was I chosen not to die? why not anyone else?...” For a moment, his self-loathing was disturbed by the sight of steam beginning to fill the room; it appeared the big pot of water he had been heating for his bath had reached boiling. Slowly he got up to deal with it, the feeling of warmth as he approached a welcome change from the cold floor he was laying on as he began to dump water into the tub “Shut up, just shut up” he thought to himself whilst refilling the pot “It’s... it’s like Luthay said... moping around won’t do anyone any good” As the second batch of water heated Seth took a moment to look over himself again in the mirror; it was clear that he wasn’t nearly as filthy as he’d made it out to be- his sudden request for a bath was really just his way of dodging the inevitable (and uncomfortable) questions Rowan would undoubtedly ask following the things he’d said “He... he’s a part of this now, he deserves to know everything” sighed Seth, digging through the cupboards until he found a few useful tools “...There’s no reason I can’t make myself more presentable first though” Carefully, he began trimming his claws with a short pair of shears he found; it certainly wasn’t an ideal tool, yet it worked well enough. Afterwards he set to filing down the now jagged edges, the tiny cuts left on his palms whenever he clenched his fists being a good motivator to smooth them well. Once he was finished Seth started work combing himself, using the shears to cut out the handful of knots he couldn’t untangle before scrubbing his body with a wet washrag; grimacing as he went over the bite marks Michael had given him. After a few more pots worth of water and some soap was added Seth finally lowered himself into the bath, gasping as the hot water enveloped him. He winced as the warmth met his wounded hand, making it feel as if it was burning again. “I feel like a fish in a furnace...” he muttered, the ‘purifying’ feeling of the near-scalding water outweighing the discomfort he felt; as if the water was washing away the events of the last few days. The realization that the fur around his intimate areas were likely stained with Michael’s fluids still made him feel shameful though, even if he was clean. Eventually the water cooled to a more comfortable temperature, allowing him to relax and focus on his own thoughts through a more rational lens; like the issue of his master- No, of Rowan’s trust in him; “I’ve made my motives clear, and even if my actions were terrible the fact that I admitted to them should account for something” still, he felt that it wasn’t enough; not to mention he was already subconsciously making assumptions about Rowan’s personality “We only met a couple days ago, I don’t know him well enough to plan around... I wouldn’t be surprised if he feels the same” He cursed himself for his naivety, all it took was the most basic display of kindness for Seth to throw caution to the wind; casually dropping bits and pieces of information that the separatists would (and did) kill people over moments after their second encounter. “It doesn’t matter now” he said aloud in an attempt to reassure himself, lying back in the water and looking up at the ceiling “Only him, Luthay; and Michael are aware of how much I know. The separatists won’t recognize my face or name, so I can’t imagine bounty hunters chasing after me” Only Michael Kunzes. Seth bit his lip as he considered his options: Attacking their enemies was a laughable idea, so was attempting diplomacy; defending the manor seemed hopeless, and trying to escape is what led him here; he briefly considered hiding, though quickly abandoned the idea as he stuck out too much as one of the few Minth in Xander’s “Luthay told us to stay holed up in here, and although I don’t like it defense does seem to be the least terrible choice...” He sighed, Luthay was right when he said Seth hated being trapped; and the fact he was now stuck not only in Xander’s- but Toren’s manor specifically just made the pain and stress of the last few days feel meaningless. “Not that I don’t deserve more punishment...” he muttered, trying to ward away the thoughts of death creeping back into his mind “...There’s plenty to read, at least” After a while longer spent comforting himself Seth rose from the bath, shivering as he dried himself off as well as he could and drained the water; figuring that Rowan was unlikely to care if used more of Toren’s old clothing he chose to wrap himself in a bathrobe much too large for him, feeling only somewhat ridiculous as he slowly walked out and down the hall into the lounge. ... ...And so he turned to face what was left of my father’s squad, the Enclaver's eyes stared deep into us as his face seemed to twist into a diabolical grin; and despite his gruesome injuries, he stood and strode towards us with a near-alien air of casualness about him. Like a guillotine he stood over my terrified father- speaking words beyond my reasoning in a surprisingly young voice "...A real demon" I thought in horror as the wounded soldier took the barrel of my father's musket and guided the tip of it into his own mouth- using his clawed hand to reach forward and pull the trigger for my father; killing himself almost instantly. "...What did he say?" whispered our typically arrogant Sergeant, glancing over towards the Acturan translator we brought with us "W-Why did he?..." "He said 'War is painful, isn't it?'" said the translator quietly, a similarly stunned expression on his face "'If you're going to cry like a bitch, you should have stayed home'... I didn't catch anything after that" ... ...Rowan set down the notes he’d found as he noticed Seth had entered the lounge, for a brief moment appearing like some kind of ghost as he gazed out the window at the sunset “...It’s been getting dark earlier” said the Acturan with an almost wistful tone of voice before looking over at him with a shy smile “I didn’t want to disturb you but... have you found something interesting?” “Oh... just a few notes stapled together” said Rowan awkwardly, glancing away as he stood and offered him the small stack of papers “Some kind of autobiography from the look of it” “Do you mean... ah, I thought so” started Seth, smirking as he skimmed through the pages “Luthay gave me these a while back; with the things going on in Liskia his boss decided to go ahead and publish the first volume of his memoirs, despite not even having retired yet... When Luthay was sent a copy he just ripped out the most interesting looking bits and gave them to me” “Really?” “They have a complicated relationship” said Seth dismissively, handing back the notes “...Anyways, there isn’t much of scholarly value in these pages, though reading them might help familiarize you with how things work out here” “Right...” said Rowan, subconsciously imagining Seth in place of the Enclaver mentioned in the note he had been reading; shaking his head after realizing that he’d been sort of staring at Seth while his mind wandered “...Oh, um; there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you...” “...What do you mean?” asked Seth a subtle tone of apprehension in his voice as he braced himself for an uncomfortable question. “...Your collar, is there a key for it?” Seth was silent for a moment, processing what he’d heard before chuckling quietly “Sorry... I expected something harder to answer...” he paused, bringing a hand up to his neck; slipping a finger between the dense metal and the raw, furless skin beneath it “Slave collars aren’t actually as common as you’d think really; it’s considered crude, and implies that the trainer is bad at their job... so they’re mainly used as a temporary form of punishment” he sighed, sadness clear in his voice as he continued “...Michael put this one around my neck years ago, he chose to have molten lead poured into the locking mechanism so it couldn’t be removed either...” “...I’m sorry” said Rowan, remembering how Luthay had said a similar thing happened to him years ago “We could get a smith to look at it sometime, or maybe try a pair of bolt cutters if you’d like...” “It’s not worth it; and I’d rather not risk having my throat cut” said Seth, not mentioning how a part of him felt that he deserved far worse than the discomfort and indignity the collar gave him “But... thank you for caring” They both were quiet for some time, Rowan pretending to read while contemplating things and Seth pacing idly as the sun sank beneath the horizon; the latter anxiously wondering whether or not the former genuinely didn’t care about his actions or if he was consciously avoiding bringing them up “...Am I intimidating him?” thought Seth doubtfully, he certainly didn’t *look* threatening; being shorter than most women and built like a string, it was kind of a surprise in hindsight that he’d even managed to beat Kunzes’ dog when it pounced him- hell, the dog probably underestimated him all things considered “Is it just out of pity?, he does seem like a kind person; but the fact that he doesn’t even seem to care that I slaughtered a blood relative is what worries me...” Seth sighed, less than an hour ago he told himself to play it safe and not make assumptions regarding this stranger who had the utmost control over him; yet here he was doing just that. “Be kind, be quiet; and observe” he told himself mentally “Don’t give away more than you already have, if he really needs to know something he’ll ask” A while later Seth could feel hunger clawing at him, and thinking back on it neither of them had anything besides tea since breakfast “...It’s getting late, would you like anything in particular for dinner?” he asked quietly. “What?... oh, like I said earlier; you don’t have to-” “I’m sorry for interrupting” interrupted Seth sheepishly “But I remember what you said, and I’m not asking because it’s expected of me; I’m asking because I enjoy cooking” “Well... in that case I appreciate it” said Rowan, relieved “I’m not picky, and judging by what you made earlier I’m sure anything you make will be good” Seth smiled at that, feeling his tail swish behind him as he left for the kitchen “I’ll call you when it’s finished, Love”