Razed - Chapter 20
[center][i]“I stray just like a dog addicted to that heavy fucking”[/i] [b]Slayyyter, ‘CRANK’[/b][/center] Feather won’t look at me. “It’s okay, you don’t have to come.” “It’s not that, it’s just: I really like you.” “And that’s a problem now?” “Don’t be an ass. It’s just difficult, you know?” My paws make fists, claws poking into palms. “I, uh. I’m not sure I do.” They turn to me, that soft smile, those buck teeth. I calm, let my paws unfurl. “It’s like: we’re into each other, we’re seeing each other, we’re fucking, but we still haven’t put any label on it. Wouldn’t doing something like this be a double, no, triple date or something?” “I don’t think Adrian’s coming, actually.” “Whatever, you know what I mean.” “So, we’re not dating?” “Well, no! We’re not. I mean, you’re the one who said you need to think stuff over. I thought a date might signify something we haven’t settled on. Right now we’re just kind of… [i]nothing[/i]. Not nothing! But… you know?” “Your nonbinary butt [i]loves[/i] labels huh?” They narrow their eyes and tut. “Like I said, don’t be an ass.” “Okay, okay. So, uh,” I scratch the back of my head. “Should we try and put a label on this then?” “Are you ready for that?” “Maybe?” I wrap them in my arms and roll onto my back, lifting them up onto my belly. “Let’s talk about it.” “Oop. Hey there.” They touch their nose to mine and giggle. My stomach flutters. “Well, I’m all ears.” “All tail, more like,” I say, reaching behind them to grab at that over-sized fluffy thing. “Very funny.” Half sarcastic, but smiling. “Come on.” “Okay, okay. I’m really fucking into you, if you hadn’t figured that out yet.” “Yeah, that’s all news to me.” “And I wanna go out with you.” “Go on...” “So I’m officially inviting you on a date. Don’t worry, friends will be there, I’m not gonna lead you down a dark alley.” “Such a shame. Could’ve been fun.” “We can do that after if you like.” They laugh, I wag. “So, will you go on a date with me, or not?” Kneeling over me now, they tilt their head back, looking to the ceiling for guidance, showing off their perky little breasts in the process and provoking a gyration of my hips—which they expertly ignore. “Hmm, okay. But, on two conditions. One, you have to tell everyone there that we’re on a date.” “Making sure they know who’s property I am?” “Making sure you’re taking this seriously, puppy.” I bark. “Yes miss, or sir, or-” “Master.” “Oh yes, of course. Master.” “Don’t make that mistake again.” Those beautiful buck teeth. “Second condition: know that I’m not exclusively yours, just as I know that you’re not exclusively mine.” It all comes back to this, no matter how skillfully I try to avoid broaching the topic. I’m not only avoidant with Feather, I’ve been avoidant with myself too. This whole situation is so much easier when I don’t have to think about the snag. “Okay,” I say, eyes shut. “I can accept that.” Their wagging, over-sized tail acts like a fan, wafting air over my legs. They let out a happy little chirp. I find myself grinning. “So this is it? You’re giving poly a go?” “Well, I’m knowingly going on a first date with a polyamorous person, sure. But it’s still only a first date.” I open my eyes and flash them a fanged smile. “Seeing how well we match. Testing the waters. All that good stuff.” “Alright,” they say. “I suppose that’s a [i]reasonable[/i] compromise.” “So it’s a date then, a real date?” “It’s a real-ass date.” They dip their head, kiss my lips—soft and gentle—their half-lidded eyes staring into mine, tail swaying lackadaisical behind them. A perfect sight, one I could bask in for hours, one I wish I could wake up to, fall asleep to, stuff their butt to. “I’m all yours, Feather.” “Not all mine,” they say. “I’m a generous lover. I’m happy to share.” * I’m holding their paw as we walk in. It has me buzzing, warm-cheeked and tense all at once. “Hey!” Kale beckons us over to a spacious booth. He’s sitting at the end of a row, next to Ami, with Ross on the far end, leaving the entire other side free for Feather and I. When I’m on holiday it can feel like my whole life is restaurants and bars. Here we are at the restaurant, next up is the bar. I conspicuously and deliberately offer Feather their seat before taking my own, to which they chuckle, curtsy and accept. I’ve never been on a date with someone wearing a skirt and a crop top before. It’s one part alluring and two parts frightening. I’ve never passed as straight in my adult life, what am I meant to do if somebody comes in and asks to see my gay card? “It’s good to see you,” I say, waving as I take my seat. “Who’s this hot piece on your arm?” Ami asks, leaning over the table. I’m halfway through stammering out an answer when he leans back and laughs loudly, covering his mouth with a paw. “Hey Feather!” “Hi, uh… Ami, wasn’t it?” “That’s it, [i]enchanté[/i].” He gives his best catwalk pose—complete with a whip of his lengthy, straight hair—and cackles. He’s energetic—maybe too energetic for my aging ass—but I’ll take it. At least it keeps the focus on him and off of his boyfriend. That stocky otter makes my tail twitch. “Kale has told us so much about you. Real cutie, aren’t you? Good thing you’re enby. With that physique you might have put me out of the job of resident femboy.” He giggles and undoes a button on his red and black check shirt, shoulders bounding as if mid dance, stubby antlers swaying to and fro, causing Ross to have to crook his neck to one side to avoid them. Good, I hope his neck goes stiff from choice of partner. Maybe that’s why he’s banging Kale on the side. Pssh. I should calm it. The night is young, the evidence minimal. Minimal, as in: all in my head. “They’re my date tonight,” I announce, back straight, looking from Ross, to Ami, to Kale in turn. Feather leans in and kisses my cheek. I’m wagging and beaming, finding pride in staying true to my word, fearing our future a little less. “Is that right?” Kale asks with a raised eyebrow and half a smile. “Making things official, huh? Getting in on that new-age open love?” “He’s just taking me out for a test ride,” Feather says, squeezing my thigh below the table. Bitch. “That’s their way of saying I’m an indecisive scatterbrain taking baby steps toward something new.” Kale nods, slow. “Cool, cool.” He clears his throat. “I mean, I knew you two had a little something something going on, but it’s nice to see you giving it a real go.” “That’s Kale’s way of saying: wow, I can’t believe you’re not just a flighty slut!” Ami cackles, covers his mouth with outstretched fingers. “Gosh I’m bad, we barely even know each other. Will you ever forgive me?” He flutters his eyelids. He certainly doesn’t seem to like attention wandering away from him for long but, honestly, I don’t mind the diversion. Conversation flows, orders are made, Ami continues to chew the scenery. I’m working double duty, but at least Feather knows it. I squeeze their paw beneath the table, nuzzle their cheek a few times, play it like this date is the most normal thing. And it is. But it isn’t. For one, thinking about my relationship past tonight conjures only static fuzz. Okay, not true, one thing is clear: Feather. Everything else is a blur. For two I’ve got my eyes on Kale, and Ross. The otter speaks little compared to his partner, but steals sidelong glances often, a smug little grin plastered across his stunted snout. Is he checking out his goofy boyfriend though, or Kale? That’s the question. Kale is all laughter and smiles, chipping into the conversation with jokes, meeting everybody’s eyes at least once. He meets mine more than most, even when neither of us are talking. It’s not until a couple hours later—out of the restaurant, three drinks in at the bar—that I confront him about it. “You don’t like it do you?” I ask, arm around Feather’s shoulder, kissing them on the cheek after I speak. Feather—in the middle of a conversation with Ami and Ross—returns the gesture, the act of physical affection an automatic response for them already. My heart flutters. “Don’t like what?” Kale asks, crooked smile, a tilt of his head. He wraps an arm around Ami’s shoulder who looks to Kale, giggles and wiggles in his seat before returning to his high-pitched chat with the other two. “You don’t like seeing me with somebody else.” I laugh, only just sober enough to pre-emptively seed doubt in my sincerity. “Part of you liked the idea that, I don’t know, I’d hold out for you forever. That I’d pull clumps of my fur out in fits of unrequited love. Something like that.” “Oh, is that it?” He bobs his head, lets his smile widen. “Remind me, out of the two of us, which one offered the other a quickie?” “Wishing you could turn back the clocks?” Our bratty bickering comes naturally, the words slipping from my tongue like the slickest of oils, carrying every chance to stain. “No need. You’re in a polycule now. An [i]open[/i] relationship.” “You’re practically drooling. Calm down, what would Adrian think?” He snorts. “That’s rich. Look at you, you’re all over the place.” He speaks with raised cheeks and a persistent toothy grin, robbing some, but not all of the sting from his words. “Maybe I’m just concerned for you. I don’t know if you can handle poly. I thought you wanted a simpler life after Marty?” He says his name like it’s nothing. “Oh honey, you know full well I can handle plenty.” I raise an eyebrow, he laughs, hides his expression by tending to his cocktail. He doesn’t break eye contact. “I was right to begin with: you don’t like that I’m healing now. Moving on. Only [i]you’re[/i] allowed to heal.” “I forgot how much of a brat you could be.” His voice is low. “No you didn’t.” “Tsk. I tried to.” “Why? Was it messing up your sex life? Struggling to picture somebody other than me beneath you?” I swear—[i]I swear[/i]—he’s biting his lower lip. He opens his mouth, but- “Kale, Ross! Another of the same for me when you get the next round,” Ami says, elbowing the wolf playfully and swishing a cocktail glass around, full of ice but little else. “I’m heading to the restroom to freshen up, fix up my make-up. I’ll be a good few minutes.” Ami looks across at Feather and I and sticks out his tongue, flashing a peace sign with his free paw. He’s so forcefully cutesy that I don’t know how to take it, but when he leaves it’s as if the life of our conversations go with him. Ross makes some remark about this being typical Ami and Kale readily agrees, getting the two of them started. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the half-drunk haze pervading it. I need to pay attention to this. I don’t trust that damn otter. But now Feather is nudging my side. “Hey, you doing okay there? Sounded a little bitchy between you and Kale.” They smirk. “Though that’s not necessarily out of the ordinary.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, laughing. “But no, it’s… It’s nothing. Just poking at smoldering fire pits, fighting old fights again.” I tap a claw against the side of my glass. “The alcohol must be getting to me in my ripe old age.” “Is that your way of saying you’re an incurable rascal with a penchant for drama?” “No, it’s my-” “I’m gonna head on over to the john too.” It’s Kale, standing now, tapping Ross to draw his attention then pointing at Feather and I. “Don’t worry Ross, they won’t pressure you into their polycule. Not right away, anyhow.” With a parting wink from Kale, and what I can’t help but interpret as a longing stare from Ross, he saunters off. I’m staring daggers at the otter for a few silent seconds before Feather breaks the ice. “So, Ross, what do you make of my date this evening?” Feather wraps their arms around my middle and sort of shows me off, squeezing my tubby belly. I force a smile. “He seems like a swell guy if you ask me.” Ross’s focus moves back and forth between us as he talks, a paw slicking back his cropped hair and running through the gray-brown fur of his neck. “I wouldn’t say I know him all too well.” He turns to me. “But you’ve been real fun the couple times I’ve been around you.” His heavy Minnesotan accent makes him sound more Canadian than I am. “And Kale likes him, so he’s a shoe-in. That wolf has good taste.” The otter’s blank expression and bland niceties tell me he’s either exactly as simple and harmless as—I’m forced to admit—he seems, or he’s another Marty-esque sociopath. My trust in him is zero, and why shouldn’t it be? I don’t know the guy from Adam, and he’s an otter. Enough said. [i]That wolf has good taste[/i]? Who does he think he’s fooling? That wolf [i]tastes good[/i], more like. I bet the bitch has knot on the brain. Ah. I might be more drunk than I thought. I close my eyes. Inhale. Open them. “He does, doesn’t he?” I smile, raise my glass. “To Kale, and Adrian, the lovebirds of the season. May they be happy together, forever.” We clink our glasses. I watch Ross without blinking. He appears nothing but approving, content, a sort of uncomplicated happiness radiating from his loose smile and relaxed features. I might hate him. He seems to react to my proclamation with the most straightforward of enthusiasm, not a single thought behind his eyes. It’s maddening. But… But, I have to admit, I’ve got nothing to go off. If he’s a villain I don’t see it. If he’s fucking Kale on the low he’s doing a good job at hiding it. Everything about him is insipid, to the point I barely believe Kale likes him enough to consider him a close friend in the first place. I know I’m biased, but still. What am I supposed to do now? Admit my own paranoia? Tell Adrian he’s way off base? That Kale has been squeaky clean since that little whoopsy with me? I want to. I do. So why do I feel so restless? Ross asks us some beige questions that I reply to on autopilot with a smile and a little bit of faggy flair, barely even listening to myself. I have no choice but to admit that part of me wanted something to feel off, something to go wrong, to blow up. Part of me wants Kale to pay. Finding nothing to pull or prod at, my eyes glaze over as I stare vaguely at the center of Ross’s face, making lacklustre, tipsy small talk while occasionally slipping a paw below the table to squeeze Feather’s butt. It’s that or risk being bored to sleep. I’m in a bitchy mood, I know, but I can’t bring myself to care. Ami returns, adjusting his top as he walks, a dainty swagger to his step. Rejoining the table, he strikes an animé-ass kawaii pose that singles him out as the type to cosplay a maid just for the hell of it. “What’d I miss?” He asks, speaking over his own boyfriend, performatively rubbing Ross’s shoulders. “I just know some sickening tea has been spilled.” “Oh, nothing too crazy. Only that Ross has been fucking Kale on the side.” The words flow out of me unbidden but smooth, my mood, overactive imagination, suspicions and drunkenness conspiring to loosen my tongue. Ross appears befuddled, head shaking while he blinks repeatedly. Feather gasps and slaps my arm. “Ash!” But it’s Ami’s reaction that makes me feel bad. He tightens his grip on Ross’s shoulders, his body tensing as he stares right at me with wide eyes and a parted mouth. The young ditz seems to have taken my line as gospel. Does he have his own doubts? I’m about to apologize and clear things up when—from behind—Kale claps his paws down on my shoulders, almost making me jump out of my chair. “You bastard.” “Got your ass,” he says, chipper, practically glowing. Before returning to his chair he nuzzles up to my right ear, giving it the daintiest little lick, whispering: “and what an ass it is.” I’m laser focused on Kale as he takes his seat, a self-assured smirk on his face. The absolute cheek of the bitch. His soon-to-be-wed tongue in my ear while I’m on a date… I should be angry. Instead I’m half hard, aching for sex. I put a paw on Feather’s thigh and slide it, bit-by-bit towards their crotch, they scooch up real close as they work on mollifying the ditzy deer and his dopey lover. “You sure perked up, Kale,” I say. “What did you do in the restroom? A line?” He taps his nose and smiles. “Come on, really? Marty didn’t put you off of anything, did he?” “Calm down Ash, I was joking.” He leans back in his chair. “And what’s that supposed to mean, anyway? God you’re bratty tonight.” Feather’s ears swivel at that. “He’s bratty every night.” “I’m getting double teamed here,” I say. “Pretty sure that was your goal from the start, hon.” Kale laughs. Below the table, Feather pulls my paw under their skirt and all the way to its destination. They’re half hard too. I kiss them, but we’re too turned on to limit ourselves and soon end up in a full-on makeout session. We get cheers and whistles from Ami and Kale and an [i]oh my[/i] from Ross. It’s tough to pull apart. I want to keep holding them to me, tasting them, forever. God, I really am on a date with Feather, aren’t I? I’m one hell of a lucky bitch. Saph is gonna freak. Despite my desire for eternity, things return to some kind of normality. The focus leaves us. Ross asks Kale something about someone at work. Feather and I bitch about the boring music selection in the bar. Ami looks a little bored. I get distracted by my drink. Soon after, Feather shows me their phone. It’s a chat log between them and Jay. Jay was asking how my first poly date is going, Feather replied positively, Jay seemed happy, said: [i]We should have a threeway! Date, I mean Threeway date… ;3[/i] I laugh. “Kinda hot.” “Right?” Feather types up a response in horned-up haste, waits for a reply, then shows me the phone again. Feather put: [i]Kale’s totes down for the 3way >:3[/i] Jay: [i]You’re kidding?[/i] Jay’s next message consists of nothing other than a string of ‘sweat’ emojis, but more comes through in real time as I watch. [i]Fuuuck Tell me that’s not a joke Pleeeease[/i] “Oh, wow,” I say, covering my mouth with a paw and chuckling. Feather looks and giggles. “What do you think?” With the tightness in my pants, all the bratty sparring I’ve done tonight and that recent makeout session with Feather, it’s not much of a question. “Let’s do it.” Feather takes a selfie of us together as some kind of proof, I make a hand heart and wink for the camera. “What’re you two up to?” Kale asks. “Planning a threesome,” I say. “Oh, [i]fun[/i]!” Ami exclaims. “Rossie-boo is my world, but before we hooked up I had a couple of tho-” “Tonight?” Feather asks, looking up from their phone. I don’t know how to explain it, but the way they so casually cut off Ami turns me on. “[i]Tonight?[/i]” “Jay’s excited, he wants to book a hotel for us and everything.” “A hotel?” Feather shrugs. “Something a little special. Probably figured you’d like the privacy from Eve.” I laugh. “Poor Eve.” “She’ll enjoy grilling you about it after, don’t worry.” “Hear that Kale?” I ask, turning to the wolf. He seems a little taken aback by the whole conversation. “Grats on the marriage and life of monogamy and all, but I’m having a threesome. [i]Tonight[/i].” Kale scoffs, hides his mouth with his drink, side eyes me, raises an eyebrow. “Send me the tape,” he says, at last. “Married men need porn too.” * It’s in the Uber that the nerves hit. I’ve done it with each of them individually, but having sex with my partner and one of their other partners at the same time has a whole new ring to it. Still, Feather’s restless paw on my thigh and frequent nuzzles focus me in on what’s most important: this is going to be fun. “How was your first date with an enby?” they ask, voice low to avoid being overheard by the driver. “Incredible. In fact it’s not over yet. I’m kinda hoping they might put out.” “You dog.” “Guilty as charged.” They chuckle. “What do you think of Ross?” “Dopey.” “You’re so mean!” They protest with a little playful clawing, but move on quick. “How about Ami?” “Young, dumb and full of cum.” “Oh, those halcyon days.” They gesture out the window toward the night sky. “Stop. You have nothing to be jealous of: you’re slightly less young, moderately less dumb and soon to be full of cum.” They squirm in their seat. “Moderately less dumb? You’re a real charmer, Ash.” “Got you squirming though, didn’t I?” Feather has no good response, mustering little more than an indignant hum. They’re so fucking adorable. I can barely wait for Jay and I to reduce them to a quivering mess.