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Amethyst’s Christmas Tales 2025

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A Gassy Mare

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Written by Arian Mabe (Amethyst Mare)

Commissioned by EbaandIna

_ _

Fana held her head high as Sir Joffrey approached her in the stable, the knight already clad in full metal plate armour.

“Ah, good day, sir!” She said with a smile on her small, equine lips. “Where are we off to today?”

It was a more formal manner of speaking than the feral mare usually had, though Fana couldn’t deny her own nerves. Things like that, well…they fussed and scrabbled and jittered in her stomach – and the food she’d eaten in Sir Joffrey’s stables didn’t help either. In fact, it didn’t seem to be settling all that well in her stomach, but Fana would have to make do with it, one way or the other.

Sir Joffrey smiled at her, though only a portion of the white man’s face was visible through his helm. His hair already looked sweaty, but he was serious and kind: exactly the kind of rider Fana had been looking for.

“A scouting mission today. Come on, the stable boy will have you all saddled up in a moment.”

Fana squirmed, trying not to show her discomfort as her stomach gurgled. There was a lot of stomach to rumble and churn too, but she pushed it down. It wasn’t the kind of day for stomach upsets like that!

The truth of it was that Fana had managed to make her way into Sir Joffrey’s stables, all to impress him and ensure her standing in the community. If she was entirely honest with herself, she had rather lofty ambitions when it came to her place in the world and wanted to save princesses and slay dragons, to be more than just a Przewalski’s equine. Her striped legs helped her stand out, but her stocky, powerful stature made her perfect for the role of a knight’s steed! She had stamina other equines could not even dream of!

She stood still while the stable body saddled her up, though her stomach gurgled and rumbled with an increasing rumble of gas. Her tail twitched and she farted briefly, flagging her tail as she did so.

“Oh!” She flinched from the stable boy as the girth went around her belly, which didn’t soothe the gas at all. “Excuse me.”

“Er…” The stable boy scratched the back of his head, a little wide-eyed. “No… No problem.”

She would have blushed if she’d been able to do so, but her heart rate and breath rate still increased. Her flanks heaved while the saddle was put in place and the girth tightened, big stirrups let down for the knight to rest his feet in, a sabaton covering each foot to complete the armour. The bridle was easier for her to take, though she grunted and farted, body shuddering, while the stable boy stepped back. Letting Sir Joffrey take his place, he took Fana gently by the reins and led her from the stall. It was a comfortable enough stable and Fana was by no means trapped in there, but she still had a duty to perform.

“Stand still, girl, easy now.”

She rolled her eyes and huffed as he mounted her, using a tall block of wood with steps to do so. It was hard enough to mount in full armour, with a sword at his left hip, with the aid of it so Fana didn’t judge him for that. But Sir Joffrey still insisted on treating her like a normal horse that couldn’t talk like her. They’d both have to work on that, but Fana was sure it’d come in time.

His weight felt uncomfortable on her back that time as they walked from the stables into the spring woodland, which should have been comforting to her at that time. Her nostrils flared, taking in the scent of pine as the rumbles in her stomach grew louder and louder, churning through her gut and making her flanks shudder.

“Uh… Everything well with you?”

The knight was uncomfortable talking to her when they were out and about, as it was, most likely, easier for him to slip into thinking she was no more intelligent than any other horse. Fana sighed and flicked her tail, head dropping as she chewed the bit sadly.

“The rich food in your stables is not agreeable to my stomach,” she said quietly. “I am sorry, sir, but I am sure it will pass.”

“Oh! Well, I am confident that is a problem we can find a solution for.”

She perked up, ears twitching, but Sir Joffrey didn’t elaborate. As it was, Fana’s body was more than happy to fill in the gaps for her.

Pppppfffffftttt!

_ _

“Oh!”

She twitched and flicked her tail, like she could, somehow, get away from the sound of her own body breaking wind. Fana’s body, however, was resolute in farting, her stomach so upset that it had to release the gassiness coursing through her digestive system one way or another. Above her, Sir Joffrey cleared his throat and seemed to try to ignore things, though it was harder and harder to do.

Pppfffffttttpppppttttt!

_ _

“Oh no!”

Fana hung her head and tried breaking into a light jog. That wasn’t going to help her, not really, to get away from the stench produced by her body, but it still lingered. More farts followed the first as her body strove to expel the nuisance from her body, but there was still only so much she could do there.

“Oh, I am sorry…”

She blinked hard, needing to do something, though the woodland around them opened up into a clearing. There was a weaker aroma of pine there, from the fallen needles, and she inhaled deeply, though the pine trees still helped clear her lungs. Fana wondered if there was any lemon or ginger back at his home, in the gardens, that could be used to settle her stomach. Pine wouldn’t do that – and it was not as if she could eat the needles.

“Unff…”

She grunted as the knight twisted on top of her. His shifting weight made it even harder than before for her to keep going in a straight line, for what the rider did on top of her back affected her manner of movement too.

“Could you sit stiller, please?” She all but pleaded with him. “You’re making my back sore… Sorry, sir.”

“Oh, of course,” he said, though Sir Joffrey’s words were somewhat stilted, like he was struggling to get them out. “It’s just…hm. It’s something of an uncomfortable ride up here today.”

She tried breaking into a full-on trot to smooth out the ride for him, but that only sent the contents of her stomach sloshing and jumping around even more. Fana didn’t know quite what had upset her digestive system to that extent, but the mare could not help but jerk forward as another fart ripped from her.

“Oh!”

She cried out as one after the other powered through her gut, giving her only the smallest modicum of relief. It was nothing at all, not really, as she shuddered from her embarrassment, hopping and jumping while she tried to escape the discomfort. Crabbing sideways, she crossed her hind legs over one another while trying to go straight, though even the path through the forest under her hooves no longer seemed as stable as before.

Ppppfffppppffffffttttt!

_ _

Fana blinked away the humiliation, trying to keep her head high. The clearing opened out around them as she trotted alongside the river, though Sir Joffrey’s armour clanked and made a lot more noise than usual. Grimacing, Fana realised that was more than enough evidence it was a far rougher ride for him than usual, but there really wasn’t anything she could do about that.

The gurgling and popping in her stomach called her attention again and her tail had not even relaxed yet. Sir Joffrey, rather tactfully, cleared his throat.

“Perhaps a canter?”

He didn’t touch her sides with his heels, perhaps already sure of the reaction it would produce. Not that Fana needed directions like that, though it was sometimes helpful in their position to have non-verbal cues for what he wanted her to do.

Jumping into canter released only a further series of popping, trumpeting farts that blasted from her hind end. She twisted, trembling while sweat soaked through her brown coat, though Fana did all she could not to throw her rider off. How humiliating! She’d done all she could to get into Sir Joffrey’s stable to impress him – and just how in the kingdom was she possibly going to do that when she was so gassy?

It didn’t stop, however, not as he bumped and jolted on her back, a curse that didn’t sound at all like it should have come from Sir Joffrey’s lips breaking them. He tried to sit still as she cantered, but her body rebelled as gassiness burst from her hind end over and over again.

Ppprrrrrpppptttt! Pppptttttrrrrrpppppttt!

She bucked and kicked out, nearly unseating him – but what else was she meant to do? Something in her urged her to leap away, to run away, from the unpleasant gurgles and trumpeting farts her body insisted on letting loose, twisting as she did so. Sir Joffrey tilted to the side as her body quaked, gurgles and pops rumbling through her gut as her ass trumpeted the spoils of everything she’d eaten.

“Whoa, Fana, whoa!”

That, at the very least, seemed to make sense and the mare grunted, jolting into a halfway decent walk before coming to a quivering stop. As if to add insult to injury, her tail lifted again as a tooting, almost sputtering fart broke from her.

Pppfffftttppprrrpppprrtttpppttpppttpppttt…

_ _

It almost petered out as embarrassment clawed at Fama like a wild beast. She hung her head and shook off the tension in her body, a sigh rolling from her.

“Ugh…”

“Oh, dear… Now, that wasn’t very comfortable now, was it?”

He seemed to be adding in extra words and Fana grimaced. Confound it, he knew there was something wrong with her and he was trying to soften things. She hated when people just couldn’t get to the point and put in so many random other words all over the place, umming and ahhing over what they really wanted to say. What if he was going to ask her to leave his stable?

Oh, get on with it… Just say it!

_ _

Sir Joffrey, however, patted Fana’s neck kindly with a smile. She caught it, in disbelief, by turning her head slightly so she could look back at him on her back in her peripheral vision.

“I will ensure you have the correct food for your diet, Fana, have no fear,” he assured her, much to her surprise. “Perhaps we should adjourn this scouting mission for the day. I have seen no tracks of highwaymen in this area, if I may tell a truth.”

“Oh?” Her ears perked, distracted briefly from the rumbling of her digestive system, how it already felt like it was gearing up to trumpet out her hind end all over again. “Is that what we were looking for?”

He hadn’t told her, for, to him, she was just a horse. Yet something shifted between them in that moment, Sir Joffrey seeing Fana for who she really was.

“Thank you.”

“Oh… Oh, you are very welcome, my dear.”

They headed back to the stables at a gentle walk, with Sir Joffrey dismounting for the last part as her gassiness, once more, ramped up. Some things could not be helped, he told her, and he wanted her to be as comfortable as possible for her duties. She sighed at long last as he loosened the girth and rubbed her stomach in soothing circles, her tail lifting again to let out a tooting trumpet. He didn’t pause, admirably so, as she broke wind again, the smell wafting away, though the noise, to be fair, was enough to wake the dead.

Kindly, Sir Joffrey said nothing at all about that and continued rubbing her flanks soothingly, his fingers seeking out the gurgles and massaging them gently. He might not have been able to get them to go away, but it still helped as Fana sighed and relaxed a little, her head dropping lightly.

Despite her gassiness, it looked like things with Sir Joffrey were shaping up well after everything!