Untouchable: Chapter 15: Choices
Xander got off the phone with Oliver, his mixed feelings roiled inside him. He read through Sean's messages, they were a soppy rambling mess that melted Xander's heart.He open the most recent voicemail, Sean said, "I debated whether not I should even called you, I mean you haven't read any of my messages which makes me assume you haven't listen to my voicemails. I miss you and I'm sorry. You're my best friend and I never wanted to screw that up, I didn't realize how much you cared or that in a way I was stringing you along. I told Sharron about well you know, not much else happened it's like she didn't even hear me. I probably need counseling."Xander listened to the rest of Sean's messages.He then called Sean back and only remembered when the call went straight to voicemail that Sean's dinner with Fred and Neal was going on.He said, "so Uhm, I guess you're busy right now. I'll see you at work tomorrow. I'll talk to you when I see you and I miss you too."He had been working on market and demographic penetration models when Oliver had called but he wasn't in a work mindset anymore. He lay in Paul's bed his laptop laying next to him. He and Paul had watched a movie on Paul's tv last night and that sound fun to Xander. He turned on the TV only to find it was currently set to Paul's desk top. Paul had his computer linked to the TV, and had told Xander the command to switch the input through the keyboard, but Xander didn't quite remember. He punched the buttons and Muzzlebook opened, Paul's Muzzlebook.He was about to close it when he noticed his name."Paul - "I don't think Xander will stick around, I mean, I think he loves someone else."Xander scrolled to the top of the conversation thread. It was with Paul's best friend Jill."Jill - "Hey Puss, how are things going in your never ending pursue to find your Boots.""Paul - "haha, you know I found a Boots I just don't think he will ever be my boots.""Jill - "I'm sorry :.( you know that I'll always love you""Paul - "I love you too, having any luck finding mister right?""Jill - "yes and no, but it might only be mister right now, sigh, well there is always creeper on the bus for backup.""Paul - "yeah that's a no, I call best friend veto on that.""Jill - "mother Goddess, you are such a kill joy, he only wants to rape me, kill me, then wear my face.""Paul - "didn't you say the creeper was an elephant?""Jill - "he probably has a mouse fetish, loving the size difference and all that.""Paul - "couldn't that kill you.""Jill - "so I was joking with this and now I'd like to move on.""Paul - "fine, so since I already have a Boots for my Puss, =^_^= wow saying that backward sounds so slutty. I think I found an Otis to my Milo.""Jill - "really who is he what's he
like?""Paul - "it's my newest friend here on Muzzlebook, Xander.""Jill - "oh that cute all black border collie?""Paul - "yeah I really like him.""Jill - "so when will you bring him down to meet me?""Paul - "I don't think I'll get the chance :( but I'll try, I mean you never know.""Jill - "Why do you say that?""Paul - "I don't think Xander will stick around, I mean, I think he loves someone else."Xander felt guilty after he read Jill and Paul's conversation. He thought, "I should have closed the conversation, but I can't believe Paul feels about me in at least some small way the same as I do about Sean."He heard the front door open, it made him panic, to get the screen changed to anything else. He got Netflix open just as Paul came in and said, "hey are you still working?""No, I got distracted, what are you up too?" Xander asked."I'm going to make us dinner and you got my text about taking soup over to Oliver right, he's kinda sick." Paul said. "Yeah he didn't sound great on the phone," Xander said."I normally cook by myself but want to hang out while I make everything?" Paul asked."Sure, I left a voice message for Sean by the way, you and Oliver seemed to want me too," Xander said.Paul's ears dropped, "yeah that's great, I'm sure that will make you both happy."Xander thought, "shit what do I do, or what can I say he's going to know I was on his Muzzle book."Paul held his arms across himself, then said, "you don't have to help or be here if you don't want to be.""I want to be here," Xander said, "why would you think that I don't?""Oh nothing, never mind," Paul said.Paul set up a rice cooker, and pulled chicken and turkey bones from the fridge. "You're making the broth too?" Xander asked."For two of them yes, for tonight's dinner we'll have it with pre-made." Paul said. "So I know you asked me out because you thought I was cute and all, but why do you keep letting me hang around?" Xander asked."I don't know, but I love to cuddle and you seem to enjoy it as much as I do, well I hope you do," Paul said while he diced vegetables."I do enjoy cuddling with you and being with you a lot," Xander said, while he thought about how he had his emotional relationship with Sean and now a physical one with Paul but he wanted both elements, and he felt guilty because he wanted to be with them both not to chose between them. He said, "I'll have too.""You'll have too what?" Paul asked."Sorry I was distracted, I was thinking about decisions I need to make," Xander said. His response seemed to discourage Paul.After they made the food Paul Packaged it in old catering equipment he had gotten from work. Xander had his
portions.Paul stepped forward to give him a hug good bye. Xander leaned into Paul nuzzling him, then said, "See you soon Milo."Paul had a happy shocked expression that Xander nearly missed in his internal reprimands.After Paul left Xander went back to Paul's room and lay on the bed, he read and reread all of Paul's and Sean's most recent texts. He hated that he would have to choose. Later in the night Paul still wasn't back yet he tried calling Sean again but got no answer frustrated he went out for a walk. He texted Paul in case he came back while he was out."Maybe the feelings I have for Sean will grow with Paul," he thought, "I don't need to do anything Sean only wants me as a friend anyway."