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"Mom, I'm not in love love with Xander," Sean

yelped."Honey I can see, how you feel, decades of marriage

counseling in the pack gives me a great eye for it," Mom said."Well you may see things but you don't know what they

mean," Sean said, feeling sicker. "I wouldn't feel threatened by you if I didn't think

you cared about Xander," Paul said."Maybe this isn't the best time for this

discussion," Oliver said."No, I want to know, what happened Sean?" Xander

asked.Flashes of the memory of terrible cold shot up Sean's arm

when he looked at Xander."I... I can't say," Sean said not wanting to

tell his mom what happened."Honey I don't understand why you have been so

fixated on cats I know you liked them as a pup but you grew out of it. Why did

it come back?" Mom asked, Sean felt heat boiling through him but he didn't

want to lose his temper."I can't be with Xander because I don't want to hurt

him, leave it at that," Sean said through gritted teeth.Xander said, "But I don't understand what

that-""Oh, look mom, it's Xander's turn," Sean cut

in."Hey are you ok?" Oliver asked."I'm fine," Sean muttered."Honey, you're doing yourself and these two boys a

disservice if you can't be honest," Mom said, "Plus you're

allergic."Sean held his stomach and burped."No you're not ok," Paul said."I think some of the sushi must have been bad,"

Sean said, "And mom you don't want me to be honest. I tried in the car

after the camp... which didn't work so thanks for that hellish experience.""I'm sorry I didn't want to send you but I also

didn't know what to do," Mom said."Hey lets talk about something else," Xander said

looking as worried about the topic as Oliver was."What do you mean?" Paul asked."My parents sent me to a pray the gay away

camp," Sean snapped."Oh," Paul said shifting away from mom."Honey, you were using sites that could have put you

at risk, then when that man called the house and then you pretended to be sick.

What were we to do?" Mom asked her overbearing manner exhaled like a

summer breeze."What man called the house?" Sean asked."Whoever it was you were talking to online... the

obscene things he said on the answering machine... well I deleted them, but

your father still had the internet logs," Mom said."What someone called?... Well you know if your Pack

friends didn't watch me at the library all the time and dad didn't have the

computer so locked down tight. I might have been able to learn about the gay

community in safety and not reach out to opportunistic adults," Sean said,

trying not to vomit."Xander can we leave this is kinda,

uncomfortable?" Paul asked."Sean you don't have to do this now," Xander said,

"Paul please can we wait a bit.""Honey you smell off are you ok?" Mom asked."No mom... I'm not ok, I am tired and I can't be

what you want and I can't be who I want anymore," Sean said in a low

growl. Sean held his stomach and rested his muzzle on the cool table, it felt

so good."Sean she didn't know, remember we are going to get

counseling, now isn't the best time," Oliver said."It's making me sick not too, Oliver!" Sean

moaned starting to tear up."Mom I can't be with Xander because I was

rape," Sean said.The room fell silent but for a ticking analog clock in

the bedroom.Mom stared for a moment startled, "Honey I thought

as much, I cleaned your room after you were... after you went to camp, I found

the clothes and the scents."Sean sobbed, "You've known all these years.""Why can't you be with me? I don't understand,"

Xander asked, "Sean tell me."But Sean couldn't speak."He can't because of the aversion therapy, and

something else," Oliver said, "Sean you look sick.""No I'm fine, I'm just dizzy need to breathe," Sean

said."Aversion therapy? I thought it was just a training

camp on how to deal with temptation," Mom said angrily."It was that and more," Sean slurred, "The

rape broke something now I do bad things.""Sean what do you mean?" Xander asked."I think you need to lie down Sean, I ate the same

fish as you, if you're feeling sick I don't think it was the food," Oliver

said.The ice was in Sean's veins, cold shivers at the back of

his neck battled with the heat in his head and stomach."Now to get off I have to hurt them," Sean

slurred sitting up."Hurt them honey, Oliver's right let's get you to lie

down," Mom said."I won't hurt Xander so it won't work anymore, it only

works if I hurt canid's and that's bad," Sean said trying to stand but

slumping back into the chair."Xander please take him to the Doctor the way he is

looking at me is scaring me," Paul said, "And I want to go

home.""Water!" Sean cried getting up, everyone stood

as he stumbled to the sink. Then he veered to the right and wrapped Paul in his

arms.Paul yowled in terror as Sean lifted him bodily off the

floor in a tight hug, Sean slurred, "Forgive me pretty kitty, I didn't

mean too.""Then put me down," Paul growled squirming to

get free.Sean sobbed, "I won't do it again, I'm sorry... I'm

so sorry.""I'm calling Sam, this isn't normal," Mom said."Sean, Put him down," Oliver said.But Sean just stood there holding Paul and crying, he

gasped out, "Can you ever forgive me?"Paul looked terrified, "Sure... I mean, yeah Sean,

yeah... I forgive you."Sean sobbed once more then licked the top of Paul's head

and said, "Thank you, you don't know how much that means to me." Paul looked relieved when Sean set him down. Sean wobbled

on his feet, before anyone could move to him, he rounded on the sink and

vomited. Sean's vision tunneled and he lost his footing and fell to the cold

floor, the wonderfully cold floor.He heard and felt movement around him but it was vague

and distant as lights danced in his eyes."Oh Alpha Sean!" Xander cried."I'm calling an ambulance," Oliver said."What the hell was that," Paul said."Honey Sean collapsed he started acting weird a

while ago and then it got worse and he collapsed." Mom said.

Then Sean felt and heard nothing.