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"Oh Alpha, Sean!..." I drifted in ice water, the cold that so often

shot up my arm was now all encompassing. The ceiling above was smooth

reflective ice.My dark reflection said,

"Just enjoy it." Then the fantasy of raping Paul slowly forced it's

way through my mind."No, I can't,

I won't," I said trying to move, but I couldn't I pleaded, "make it

stop.""It would stop

if you wanted it too," my reflection said. The cold water started pulling me,

but I still couldn't move."Nurse you

can start the gastric lavage now, he is intubated..." "All you do is

hurt them, your friends, your family, you lie, you always lie, just enjoy it,

you know you want to, he enjoyed hurting you, you're the same.""Shut up I

don't I never have," I yelled, but the pain in my stomach made me know I

was lying again."See all you

do is lie, if you didn't lie maybe you wouldn't like hurting others.""No I don't, I

don't want to hurt or lie.""From the

overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. And yours screams volumes."The current pulled

me till I plummeted down into my room."Son you can

take a few things but that's it," Dad said.I still couldn't

make myself move but my body moved and spoke on it's own."Dad this

isn't fair, I'm basically an adult, you can't send me," I said."You're not an

adult and we can, we want to help you. Your mother and I can't support you

going to a state college till we know you can make safe and up right

decisions," Dad said."So if I agree

to go to Wheaton, George Fox, or Whitworth you won't send me to that camp, dad

I'll apply, please don't send me," I said."You wouldn't

have applied," my reflection said."I would have,

but then I'd have broken another promise to Xander," I retorted."See like I said

always lying.""Son it's too

late for those enrollments, no... This is our only option," Dad said."He's lying

right there too," I said to my reflection."So you'll

need to pack for an extended trip, they want you to bring important things to

help with home sickness pictures of friends and family," Dad said.Then dad left and I

packed but I couldn't find my journal or the school picture that Xander and I

had taken together.I gave up looking

for them. Then sat by my luggage."If you're not

a liar why didn't you tell him you don't want to change and that you hate him,"

my reflection said."Because that

would be a lie too I love him," I said to my reflection."If you don't

hate him why do you only talk to him when you have too, it's been ten years of an

empty shell of a relationship," my reflection said.I was now at the

introduction meeting for Hope Wins it was in an old hospital now conference

center."Do you even

have real relationships with anyone, Xander you won't share things with, and

you hardly talk to your family," my reflection said next to me."Why won't you

leave me alone, I never wanted any of this, I'll ignore you," I said."Doctor we

are starting the transfusion...""Hi, you're Sean

right? I'm Taylor, we'll be roommates for camp," a blue eyed athletic wolf

said coming up to me. A warm flush ran through me."Oh hi, yeah

I'm Sean," I said."Come on I'll

show you our room," Taylor said.I dragged my bag

behind him, Alpha his ass looked great in those tight slacks."You're

disgusting," my reflection said."So you want

to get better?" Taylor asked."Yeah, I guess

I need too," I said.There was a scoff

in my ear."So where are

you from?" Taylor asked."Everett, what

about you?" I asked."I'm from

Boise," Taylor said, "the front desk said your dad left this for

you."It was my journal,

and the school photo."Oh sweet I couldn't

find those when I was packing," I said, "So what do we do now?""Not much, we

get to relax till dinner, here we are," he said stopping outside a dorm

like room with a bed on each wall with a desk and closet."Well I guess

I'll unpack," I said."So who is

that guy with you in the photo, he's cute," Taylor said."Dude should

you even say that here... I mean is it safe?" I asked."Yeah it's

fine dude," Taylor said laying on the left wall bed while I unpacked."So did your

parents send you here?" I asked."No, I

volunteered," Taylor said, "hey it's hot in here you mind if I lose

the shirt.""No, I mean

you can if you want," I said."You

pervert," my reflection said.I couldn't help but

watch as he took off his shirt. He just lay there watching me. "So what's

your type? Your friends hot, do you like wolves?" He asked.I was so

embarrassed, and said "I think, yeah, why wouldn't I.""So you like

your buddy there?" He asked."Yeah he's my

best friend sometimes I feel I love him," I said.Taylor flinched

"do you like me.""I... I don't

know, you're cute," I said.He lay back,

"thanks, glad you think so that'll make this all easier.""Yeah it'll be

nice to have a friend here, my parents made me come, I think they hate

me," I said."I'm sorry to hear

that, I doubt they do, they just want to help, so what type of guys don't turn

you on?" He asked, "Do you have a thing for Otters, I sure do.""I just like

canids," I said."Ok

good," he said standing and putting his shirt on. Then he grabbed my photo

and journal."Hey can I

have those back?" I asked."Naw I don't think

you can, not till after treatment," he said and knocked at the door.A bolt was drawn, I

realized someone had locked us in here.An older wolf

greeted Taylor."The dad was

right he likes canids and has feelings for the guy in the photo, it will make a

good primary," Taylor said."Good job

Taylor, who do you think should room with him?" The old wolf asked."I think Neal,

neither should want to misbehave with the other," Taylor said."Good, go get

him," the old wolf said."What the hell

Taylor! Why did you do that," I cried."Dude I work

here, and you need help," Taylor said, he passed the older wolf the photo

but kept the journal then walked off down the hall."Come with me

young man," the older wolf said."No, why would

I go anywhere with you, you're all liars," I said."Because you

want to go home, come boy," the wolf said.Wilting I followed."You may call

me George or Uncle George if you like, so do you want to get better?"

George asked."I don't think

there's anything wrong," I said."Filth!"

My reflection said."Thou ... that

means you, shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an

abomination," George said, "You know where that's from don't

you?""The book of

the pack," I mumbled."I know that

your father and mother are Alphas for their conference, do you want to shame

them," George asked."No but I

don't know how to change, I want to be normal but I can't," I whimpered."That's ok the

Alpha provides the tools to overcome temptation," He said."Well he never

seemed to give them to me," I said.George laughed,

"Well, we'll have you equipped soon. Come in and have a seat."He had me sit in a

funny chair. The right arm rest was like a fish tank full of water."Now I'll warn

you this isn't fun but it helps," George said.I nervously sat in

the weird chair.George strapped a

harness over my shoulders, and a belt over my waist and ankles.He held the photo

of me and Xander up, then said "describe this boy.""He's my best

friend, we do everything together, well as you can see he's a black monotone

border collie with mid length fur," I said."Ok I think

we're out of the woods, get him back on just the IV...""No, my boy who

is he too you?" George said."He's my best

friend the only one, that's always there for me," I said."Do you love

him?" George asked. "Yes," I said

feeling ashamed."My boy its

fine to love him, Jonathan and David were kindred, but they did not lust, love

him don't lust for him," George said."Ok," I

murmured."Describe the

way you lust for this boy, look at his photo and picture the things and ways

you lust for him," George said."But it's

wrong, isn't it?" I asked."To train you

it's a necessary evil, now lust," George said."I pictured Xander's

ass, and the way he caressed and tickled my stomach when we wrestled, I

imagined the heat of him and his smell as we cuddled during a movie, I pictured

his cock as we jacked to porn together and the way he-"The arm rest pad

slipped away and the straps pulled then held me tilted in the water full of

ice.I yelped in

surprise as the cold filled me."It's what you

deserved," my reflection said.After hours of

getting aroused by Xander then getting plunged in ice water till it hurt,

George said I did great for today and let me go back to my room.When I reached my

room there was a huge huddled form in the other bed.I approached the

form and said, "I'm Sean-""Get away from

me!" It yelled at me.I stopped and moved

to my bed, "Sorry, are you Neal?" "Yes," he

gasped."Are you

ok?" I asked."No... no I

can't change," Neal sobbed.I wrapped myself in

a blanket and tried to warm up, not sure what to do or say to the Giant Otter.A while after the

otter stopped crying and I thought he had fallen asleep, he said, "What

treatment are they doing on you?""Ice

baths," I said."Lucky.""They hurt

after a while."He just laughed at

me, "I'm an otter, they don't really work on me.""So what do

they do for you?" I asked."They're using

those ab exerciser pads like you see on TV, but on your arm, leg or lower

pelvis, then they crank it to like 100, only when you pop a woody, it's the

worst Charley horse ever," Neal said."Is that why

you snapped?" I asked."Yeah I'm

sorry, I still hurt," he said."You wanted to

touch him, to rub him, to pleasure him," my reflection said.He started crying,

"I wish I was normal, I wouldn't need this if I was normal."We stayed there in

an unhappy silence.I was now in the

ice cave again alone floating in the cold, I realized it was the isolation tank

that I was put in after still getting an erection from the thought of Xander

after a week.I struggled but couldn't

move."Help me out,

let me out," I screamed.No one ever came."Please, I can

change! Let me out! It was just a hug! I know, I shouldn't have hug Neal,

Please!"I pounded on the

glass above me."You never

wanted to change, if you did you would have," my reflection in the glass

above me said."No your wrong

this ended I got past this!" I cried."Stupid boy

you'll never get past this you are always going to be a failure who can't love

and isn't loved.""No I love, I

can," I cried."But you can't

act on it, from the over flow of the heart, you know that if you had a heart

that can love you would, you'd be with Xander or Oliver instead of teasing and

twisting them up inside.""I can and I

do love, I do."I felt a weight on

my chest, and a kiss.It was like a warm

spring breeze, I smelled- it was catching grasshoppers, soccer in the back

yard, chalk on the side walk, throwing snow balls, and movies and popcorn.

"I'm

sorry for everything that happened, I forgive you that you couldn't keep your

promise, please just please get better..." then I felt a warmth fill me in a place that

hadn't felt it in a decade and the voice of my reflection left me alone to

rest. A wonderful rest.