FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Sean's stomach didn't feel well, he wondered if he should

have stayed at the hospital, and what insurance backlash there might be for

leaving like he had. Sam and Sharron had exploded his voicemail, messages and MuzzleBook,

while mom and dad remained oddly silent. So Sean set his phone to a do not

disturb mode, called his boss and headed to a meeting with Amy and Vivian, they

had contacted Mr. Franks via e-mail about the debate as soon as they could. Sean

parked and headed into Channel Five.Vivian bounced with what Sean realized was just her

baseline disposition."How are you Vivian?" He said."Oh Sean! It's good to see you, but there's a

snaffoo, well Amy can explain better," Vivian said her sapphire eyes smiled

at him."So she'll be here in a second?" Sean asked."Yes, oh yes, just moments, I was the one that got

worried after I looked into his background," Vivian said while rocking on

her long feet."Wait him who?" Sean asked."Mr. Hastles, he says he will only do the debate if

it's face to face," Vivian said as Amy joined them in the conference room."I just got off the phone with him, that man is

opprobrious," Amy said, "Morning Sean.""Well that's a five, no a ten dollar word,"

Vivian said."Morning Amy, what's going on this is that Bu Bucks

Breed guy right?" Sean asked."Well yes but he is former Pack too," Amy said."I think there is a story here but we need to talk

to you first," Vivian said."Ok, so what's the big deal with this Hastles

guy?" Sean asked."Well, he is only willing to do the debate in person

and demands his former student be there," Amy said."Former student? Was he a professor? I don't know

that name," Sean said."So then you wouldn't mind, good, George said this

next week will work," Amy said, "but the guy is cold.""Wait George, Uncle George?!" Sean snapped."Yes his name is George, I knew there was a story

here," Vivian said falling still."How do you not recognize your uncle's last

name?" Amy asked."He isn't my uncle he just has everyone call him

that," Sean snapped.Amy said, "Well, he only worked on three projects of

note, the conservation of unnecessary waste, a camp for delinquent youths

and-""We weren't delinquents, why won't that tick just

die already!" Sean snapped.Both reporters had interested glances for each other than

masked their muzzles but they couldn't hide their change in posture."So you went to his camp but you weren't a

delinquent?" Amy asked."None of us were, well statistically probably some

of us have to be, but it was a camp for parents to try and change their

pups," Sean said."Like cubscouts or weight loss?" Vivian asked."No..." Sean said, "It was a purity

camp.""Like a church camp?" Amy asked."I thought it might be something like that but I

assumed you'd dislike his group that's for 'food' species more," Vivian said,

"sounds like this guy gets all your negative buttons.""So it's this camp that you hate?" Amy asked,

then said, "We couldn't find much on it. He leads two organizations one

working to limit predator birthrates and return prey to being food species, the

motto is the natural life as nature intended.""Are you kidding me?!" Sean said, "How is

he a spokesperson for anything, let alone such an organization gaining

traction.""Unnecessary Waste and Back to Natures Calling, both

are growing in popularity and momentum," Amy said, "But I don't know

this camp they haven't been mentioned in his social media and advocacy

presence.""Probably because it had to go underground after a

few altercations and other issues," Sean said."Fights at a church camp?" Amy asked"It's a pack behavioral training camp that was it,

right?" Vivian asked Sean."I don't know if it was Pack but basically... 'If

you can't be straight, don't sin, we'll show you how not to my boy,'" Sean

said in a quavering voice."So you won't do a debate with him?" Amy asked,

"Cause it sounds like there's quite the story there, possibly

several.""Fuck him and his story, I won't!" Sean said

then stood."Well without you we don't have you or him, and

that's half of the debate and likely most of the story," Vivian said."I... I can't... I have to go," Sean said then

bee lined for the door. He felt cold all over but for the burning heat in the

back of his throat.He felt a clawed paw on his shoulder and cringed away,

"Amy I'm allergic.""Oh sorry," Amy said stepping back, "just think

about it, and we'll see what options we can make.""If that camp is what I think it was you could speak

out about them and how you overcame it," Vivian said.Sean laughed bitterly, "Yeah if only I had overcome

it.""I'll talk with Franks we can figure something out,

you're more important than Mr. Hastles for the debate anyway." Amy said."Thanks Amy, maybe someday I'll be braver," Sean

said.Then he left, without further argument.Sean didn't want to deal with his boss, so he walked

through the sculpture garden not far from the station, while he thought on

Vivian's words."How could I be an example, I barely know how to

keep my own shit together."In his cloudy metal reflection he thought he heard, "you don't have it together, you can't

live under your own hatred how can you handle another's.""A light to the world a city on a hill," he thought."A bird dying

in a bramble of thorns," his reflection said."I haven't given up hope," Sean thought."Maybe you

should."He didn't want to be around strangers so he headed back

to the car then drove to Oliver's."My meds should be working, I hope he's working from

home," Sean thought."Even if he is

these meds will fail, and isn't he just a substitute for what you can't

have.""No, I want him for him, and I wanted Xander for Xander,"

Sean thought."Well be

honest, you know you can't be with them, you're too damaged.""I'm Xander's best friend, and... I can be with Oliver

with these meds," Sean thought as he parked."Really? best

friends is only half of what he wants," then the memory of Xander

leaving yelling in his muzzle for playing games with his heart came to mind."I wasn't playing games, I wanted it to work, to

wake up," Sean thought then walked in through the building garage."Oh so it was

a game, just one you lost, because you're broken. He just had to deal with the

emotional manipulation.""No, I didn't want to lead him on, I didn't know...

and if I could I would be with him," Sean thought while he trudged stair

after stair."So that's why

you're rubbing someone else in his nose. Someone that if you forget a little

pill, you could die in your sleep from."Sean's paw froze about to knock at Oliver's door."I'm not... I care about them both," Sean thought

then knocked at the door."But you

choose the one you can have sex with.""Shut up," Sean thought then knocked hard since

Oliver hadn't answered. Sean checked friend finder Oliver was at home or just

his phone was there, and Xander was over at Purrfection."You should

just leave, you're fucking up everyone's lives."Sean knocked harder finally hearing a stirring from Oliver's

place."Who is it now?" a grumpy Oliver asked through

the door."See you

should leave, he doesn't want you here.""It's Sean, I think I should have taken that sick

day, I was hoping to see you," he said."I was taking a nap it's was a busy night," Oliver

said. The door jerked but caught on the deadbolt."It's locked..." Sean said."To many just walked inside tonight," Oliver said,

"I thought a tall one might sneak away from Xander and get in bed with

me." "A tall one... you mean Neal?" Sean asked while

Oliver opened the door."Yeah he was acting... adventurous, last night when Xander

came by looking for you," Oliver said."Why was Xander here... adventurous you mean he hit

on you?" Sean asked then followed Oliver into the living room."If by hitting on you, you mean he offered to be my

kitten for the evening and for me to spray him, then yes, yes he did," Oliver

said then sat on the couch."Alpha damnit Neal!" Sean said, "He is a

bit kinky and has a tiger fetish but that's not normal behavior for him.""Yeah Xander seemed to be having a hard time

wrangling him in," Oliver said, "So what's going on?""Well it's the debate for the campaign, the director

of the camp I was sent to, is a participant and will only participate if it's

face to face and I'm there," Sean said."...oh... so your feeling lame?" Oliver asked."Yeah and I probably shouldn't have left the

hospital... I just woke up and my dad was there," Sean said."I thought you and your dad were on good terms now?

Well till I heard you hit him," Oliver said."Fuck you heard already... yeah he wanted me to stay

and talk, I just wanted to get away from him, and blew up," Sean said,

"I dreamed about camp, and him sending me, and all this hatred and anger

bubbled up.""You can't hold on to the anger, it doesn't make

things better," Oliver said."But if you're

not angry you can't get hard... oh what would you do if you couldn't hurt

them.""I don't know how too... healthily I mean," Sean

said."I'm not saying you shouldn't be pissed about that

camp guy trying to make you talk to him face to face, but hitting your

dad," Oliver said."It felt good for a second, then I felt

terrible," Sean said. Oliver scooted closer on the couch, arms open, "come

here."Sean flushed happily nuzzling into Oliver's side."He is here

but you're allergy will be a barrier forever and always.""We will find a way," Sean thought."Have you even

asked if he wants to find that way... no you haven't you don't know till you

do.""Maybe we should slow down," Sean said."I prefer slow, I just want to talk and to hold

you," Oliver said."He shouldn't

hold you, Xander is your Jonathan this is your Delilah."Sean moved to get out of Oliver's hug."What's wrong?" Oliver asked."Don't you think you should be with someone

else?" Sean asked.Oliver kept Sean in his arms, and blinked down in

surprise, "No... Why would I think that or want that?""Because... you said before you were worried about

touching me, of hurting me," Sean said and continued to shift, not wanting

him to let go or to be touched at the same time."Oh, well it seemed to hurt you more not to be with

you," Oliver said."But I'll just hurt you, I'm too fucked up," Sean

said while he struggled with his feelings and Oliver's grasp."Finally you

admit the truth.""No you're not and we won't know unless we

try," Oliver said, he let Sean go.Sean missed Oliver's arms immediately, but was relieved

all at once."But should we try?" Sean asked.As Sean moved to get away Oliver shifted to keep them

close."I have to try, we have to try, for ourselves, for each

other," Oliver said."Why would you want someone that thinks horrible

things, and, and gets turned on by you know, hurting and taking virtue?" Sean

asked."Because you're more than what's happened to you... Sean

please, let me just hold you," Oliver said."I don't deserve it... I should go," Sean said."No please, you said my home was your home, and it's

the same for you!" Oliver said, "Stay, it'll be ok!""You will just

defile each other, leave Sean!""I shouldn't... I want to stay, but I shouldn't, why

can't it be ok," Sean said his throat burned and vision blurred."If it's done in love can it really be wrong?" Oliver

asked then leaned into kiss Sean."No... Stop I shouldn't," Sean said."You don't want it?" Oliver said hovering

inches from Sean's muzzle looking from eye to eye.Sean said, "Yes, it's everything I want, but-" Oliver kissed Sean.