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"Sean are you ok," Jessi asked just outside Mr.

Frank's office."Yes, no, I don't know I'm just sleepy, I was in the

hospital my allergy meds had an interaction with something else," Sean said

then thought, why didn't I just call in sick and go home."You have no

home you don't belong," his shadow said."If you need to get rest, I can tell Franks you had

to go home sick," Jessi said."Maybe, I don't know, I'm already here... So who's

he talking to in there?" Sean asked while he tried to ignore his stomach

pains and other thoughts."Oh, some Pack big wig Franks knows came in,"

Jessi said.Sean got out of the pleather chair then he said,

"Oh... I think I'll go home sick Jessi, can you let Fr-""Sean office now!" Franks barked the office

door flew open."Alpha, I hate this day," Sean thought."He knows and

made it just for you, as you deserve."Sean walked into the office noting with satisfaction and

shame his dads swollen eye, then sat in the chair Mr. Franks indicated."Karl stopped by to see if you had made it into work

today, Sean are you alright... cause you don't look or smell it," Franks said."I'm fine, I went to channel five and the debate

they are planning is getting a bit personal, I think I might not be able to do

it," Sean said. Dad sat up ears raised he asked, "What do you mean

personal?""George Hastles from camp is a participant," I said.Dad wilted, "Oh...""Why is that a problem?" Franks asked."Dad do you want to explain?" I asked."Yes, make him

explain it, what he did. He should say it in front of his friend.""Mr. Hastles ran a camp in Montana, that I never

should have sent my son too," Dad said staring at me with his one open

eye."Well a Vivian e-mailed me that there was a conflict

between you and this Hastles, guy, but I think we should have the full debate, Sean

I want you to do it, can you put your personal matters aside?" Franks asked."Don't get

forced into it, you're sick of being forced, made to do everything everyone

else wants you to do.""Excuse me! If George wasn't making demands that it

be face to face, maybe I could, but I will never be in the same room as that

man, Alpha so help me," Sean growled then stood."Sean wait I'll talk to him," Dad said."Stay out of this dad," Sean snapped,

"Franks, you're my boss, but you don't have to be, I told you I won't work

with George, you have two options have me on the project or some random

bigot."Franks said, "Well as your boss I want you on the

project debating that bigot, you have been working against what he stands for,

for years, but as a family friend I think you-""I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK! I will not be in the

same room as that man, Good day!" Sean said then rushed out of the office."That's right

you don't need them, you don't need anyone.""Sean what's wrong?" Jessi asked.Sean just kept up his pace leaving her question behind.He decided he wanted to visit the University district,

despite it being a long walk, in a daze he marched onward to the front doors."Xander is a

sin, Oliver is a sin, Paul is a sin. Xander you play games with, Oliver you

bate, and Paul you will ra-""Shut up, I don't want to sin anymore, I don't want

to hurt, I won't hurt anyone anymore," Sean thought."Sean," Dad called behind him, "Please let

me help.""What makes you think you get to help me now, you

caused this, and you weren't there when I needed it," Sean said paws

clenched."I'm sorry Sean," Dad said."You're not sorry it's been ten years why do you

want to talk about it all now," Sean said."He just wants

you to be the son he didn't have.""Because you need to talk now I can tell, I... I

didn't know what to do, I failed you Sean," Dad said."You did and you did nothing to fix it," Sean said.Dad moved closer, Sean yelled, "Stay away from me,

damnit!"Then Sean ran from dad and his coworkers' shocked

expressions scattered around the lobby.He sniffled barely navigating his way up 4th Ave, passersby

asked if he was ok but he brushed them all off. He tried and failed to get

control of himself.He took a wrong turn on Denny and ended up walking the

edge of Aurora towards Fremont, he walked north, his destination forgotten,

remembering only the first time home wasn't home anymore.  "Honey, Xander's

here do you want to come down?" Mom asked outside my door. Her nails

clicked at the door while she waited."Fine I'll

come down, I like the O'Connell family, well most of them," I snapped.Before I could do

anything Xander burst through the door."Sean I... I

wanted to talk to you," Xander said."Mom close the

door, Xander and I need to talk," I said paws clenched.Xander nervously

looked at my paws, "What do you want to hit me again.""No I'm sorry,

it just hurts to see you," I said."Oh... I can

leave, I missed you... a lot, I'm sorry Sean," Xander said ears drooped,

then turned to the door."I missed you

too," I said while I avoided looking at him, it made me feel weird, kinda

prickly, like my paw fell asleep being near him.Xander's ear perked

up, "You did? I was worried you'd hate me now.""I don't hate

you, I just feel differently now," I said, I felt guilty but knew it was

true."I don't Sean,

I'll wait till you feel the same again," Xander said.I said, "You

can't do that, you need to-""You said I

should ask if you are still you... Are we good, Sean?" Xander said."I...I don't

know," I said, "Does it matter at this point?""You always

matter to me, you're my best friend," Xander said while he shuffled back a

pace."I don't know

who I am anymore, but I'm not attracted to you Xander," I said, but wished

it weren't true."Oh well

then... I'll just be your best friend," Xander said and shivered."We can be

friends if we still have things in common," I said."Ok, did you think

about me at camp?" Xander asked."Yeah, but I

spent most of my time trying not to think about you because it's not

right," I said.Xander choked,

"Are you glad to see me now at least?""Not really...

like I said it's weird.""Oh... we were

going to the creek and-" Xander dashed from the room when he started to

tear up.My eyes burned but

I wouldn't cry. I did the long slow breaths they showed me at camp, then went

down stairs.Mr. O'Connell and

Dad were in the living room fighting, "Karl I don't want you telling my

son he is or isn't ok, I lost so much trust and respect for you, if he does go

you keep him safe nothing else," Mr. O'Connell snapped."I don't tell

you how to raise your pups," Dad growled."If you had,

I'd have known what you were doing wrong," Mr. O'Connell snapped back."Well I can't

have them in the same room," Dad said."I'll find a

way to pay for his room if you're going to be like that we offer to have Sean

come camping with us and you assume, it's so our son can cavort in a tent, you

ignorant jerk!" Mr. O'Connell snapped.I saw mom and Mrs.

O'Connell outside and slipped out the front door."Mom is Xander

coming, dad and Pa are arguing about it," I asked."Yes honey I think

so, Right Erin?" Mom asked Mrs. O'Connell, while she glanced at me like a

fallen Wasps nest."Yes, he wants

to go, do you want him to go?" Mrs. O'Connell asked."I guess it's

just weird going on a vacation when I haven't seen anyone in three

months," I said, then asked, "Where did Sam and Sharron go?""Oh, they went

with Xander off to the creek," Mom said.I debated going

over but decided if I was stuck with them all till school started I should be

nice.I wandered down the

street to the trees that led the way down to the creek.I walked quietly,

sniffed and listened for them. Their scents came from the left, further down

the creeks flow. When I got closer, I heard splashes, they were probably making

another rock dam."So you're

coming even if you guys aren't friends anymore," Sam asked."Well he is

coming even though he doesn't want to be family anymore," Sharron said

then there was another splash.I wondered if I

should turn back and leave, but Sam sniffed the air scenting me."Sean I know

you're there," Samantha said."Hey," I said

coming to the bank standing eye to eye with Sharron and Sam who stood in the

creek."Finally

talking to us?" Sharron asked."I guess, we

have this last summer all together, so I guess we should make the best of

it," I said paws in my pockets."Fine... How

was camp?" Sharron asked."...I think

I'll go back to my room," I said then turned."No, Sean if

you don't want to talk about it that's fine, we'll talk about something

else," Samantha said."I never want

to talk about that place again," I said."Fine I'll

never bring it up," Xander said."Good, so you

two went out of state," I said."I got a

better offer in Colorado," Samantha said with a shrug."That's good,

still planning on medicine?" I asked while I looked for a rock to pass to Sharron.Xander passed one

to Samantha, then said, "I wish we could all go together.""Well you made

your choice didn't you," Sharron growled at Xander."It's not a

choice," Xander said."Everything is

a choice, it's just a matter of how often you have to make that choice," Samantha

said."And you think

I chose to be gay or that Sean chose to be gay?" Xander asked."I don't know,

it feels like you're picking him over me, we made all these plans..." Sharron

said."We all made

plans like that but we are different now," I said, then asked, "Why

are we doing this I me it's passing the time, but it's a pup thing?"I could tell

everything was pretty around me and this could be an idyllic memory but

everything felt muted and dull."Because we do

this every year before heading south," Samantha said."-We have to

grow up, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy things anymore," Xander said."So if we

can't talk about camp what are we supposed to do pretend you weren't gone for

months?" Sharron asked.I thought about

Neal's letter, how everyone ignored his absence. I'd prefer that to talking

about it, then said, "I didn't want to be at that camp, it was either

that, or not go to college. So yeah, pretend I wasn't gone, for all I

care."I watched all their

ears drop, the silence lingered, then I asked, "How was prom?"Xander drifted

upstream on the bank to find more rocks. Sharron did the same downstream."Sean, I went

with Xander... and Sharron went with a pack member, you know Zach right?" Samantha

said quietly."But they were

going together, or planned to... before," I said."Yeah she really

didn't know," Samantha said."That he's

gay, really?" I asked then pulled a stone from the dirt for Samantha."No she really

didn't, she moped for a week then started hunting a replacement," Samantha

said."So she chose

a program at the school Zach's going to right?" I asked."Yeah they

have been dating for three months now," Samantha said.I said,

"That's different, well what can we expect when-""Hey gang we

are loading up the car in thirty," mom called down the creek."We're almost

done mom," Samantha called back."Good, see you

soon," Mom said.Sharron and Xander

returned with large rocks.I passed Samantha a

cinder block I found in the brush."So what's

new?" I asked."Muse came out

with a new CD," Xander said with a shrug."Yeah that one's

ok, but you should listen to the new Sanctus Real, Toby Mac and ReliantK,

albums," Sharron said setting the last stone needed to finish the dam. We

stood on the bank as the creak rose filling the small pool we made a few

inches. Then it made a small waterfall four inches tall over the top of our

dam."I'm glad

you're here Sean, I missed you," Samantha said which got agreement from Xander

and Sharron."...I missed

you all too. I'm sorry, I didn't want to see you or talk to you when I got

here. I keep feeling jealous of the time you got to have together without me,

right before we all leave," I said then clenched my teeth as my arm

tingled with phantom ice.Samantha took my

paw and then grabbed Xander's. Sharron took my other paw, then we stood and watched

the creak, while we heard it tell us the stories of year after year of games,

adventures, and dams in its gurgling burbles."Come on, we

can't keep all those lines at the airport or in the park waiting," Dad

called down from the sidewalk.We lingered a

little while longer then Xander said, "I really hope this isn't the last

time we do this, even if we become crotchety old farts lets promise to do this

again.""Crotchety Sharron

and Sean are pretty much there," Samantha said then dashed back toward the

sidewalk before we could retort.I ran after her but

was quickly out paced by Samantha and Sharron's longer legs, Sharron said,

"Take that back or you're sitting with Sean.""Why is

sitting with me a bad thing," I said while I huffed and puffed to keep up

with Xander just a bit behind me."Well you are

the old one, we are worried you be farting soon," Xander yelled.When we got to the

house Mom and Dad, and Mr. and Mrs. O'Connell were chatting somewhat stiffly."So Xander

you're welcome to come, your parents say it's ok," Mom said."Ok, I'll grab

my things from the car," Xander said then ran to his parents minivan tail

wagging.I went up to my

room and quickly finished packing, then I programmed Neal's number into my phone.We loaded the car

and got on the road. Xander sat with Sharron in the middle row and Sam and I

had the back. She was reading some medical magazine while Sharron and Xander

bickered about raising pups and being gay.I rested my head

against the glass. I'm a stranger in my own family, Xander's more their son

then I am now.  A car honked at Sean while he crossed the street onto the

Aurora bridge walkway. Chipped concrete ground under the soles of his shoes

when he jogged onto the bridge, then slowed to watch the boats and seagulls

hundreds of feet down below."If only you could

fly, you'd be free."

"I wish I was free, that would be nice," Sean thought.