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17.

The well-sung woes will soothe my pensive ghost;

He best can paint 'em, who shall feel 'em most.

• Tennyson

"So... and don't be angry, but I have to ask," the dragon began, taking a small breath. He let it out as a sigh and continued, "But... a certain fox told me that you never read my book."

"What?" Marc asked, raising his head from his burger.

"I'm not mad," Keurin lifted his hands.

"I did read your book! I hate that little... god damn do I hate him."

"You... you did?"

"Of course! Just... not when you thought I did. I'll be honest - I didn't read it when you got it back from the publisher - you know, that first edition - but I kept it and I read it a few years ago. It's funny..."

"What's funny, exactly?"

"Please don't be upset... but when I first met the little cunt, he was reading it and that reminded me, so I went home that evening after work and fished it out of the box I had kept your things in... and I read it."

"You have a box of my stuff?"

"Yeah, old notebooks, one of your shirts - you know, the really big one with holes in it-"

"Yeah, my favorite nightshirt... I really liked that shirt..."

"I really liked you in that shirt. Just the shirt."

Keurin flushed gently, "Marc..."

"You never said flirting was off limits," he winked.

The dragon, flustered, caressed his brow with his fingertips. "This was a mistake," he said, eyes shut.

Marc frowned. "Whoa, come on, I apologize, okay?"

Keurin sighed. "I just... you know, I want things to be normal, just a regular friendship, like nothing - none of the bad _or_good ever happened."

"Just forgetting it isn't going to magically erase all the feelings we both had, Keurin."

"Oh, so if the truth had never come out about Toby, you'd have still invited me out to lunch, right?"

Marc fell silent.

"Mistake..."

"Okay, okay, I get it, I see your point, but you can't just like... turn your back on our past."

Keurin dropped his spoon; it fell to the table in a noisy cascade, bouncing off of the ceramic plate and silencing the entire diner in an instant; as if everyone else could smell the outrage building in Keurin's throat like bile; burning, tormenting as it festered there for a moment; an eternity compressed into those few seconds as the dragon's gaze lifted upwards from the table; upwards against Marc's chest, his collar, now his eyes; gaze wavering but withstanding the dragon's silent fury; a hand coming up, hovering for a moment above the table, then slamming down as he suddenly stood up; finishing the job Marc's words had begun - sending the spoon to the floor.

The words burst forth from his mouth before his brain could tell him to just shut the fuck up.

"Are you fucking serious?!" he screamed. "I'm turning my back on our past? Did you even consider what you were saying or did it just fly past your fucking teeth and gums because I can't _believe_you'd be that fucking thick!"

"Whoa," Marc replied, raising his hands as he stood up, ears flattening against his head. "I... I didn't mean to-"

"No, you totally fucking did! No, Marc, it wasn't when you left me because I was 'working too much,' It wasn't when that fuckass Toby lied about me and you believed_him, it wasn't when you ignored my calls; no, dearest Marc, it was _me, just now, turning my back on our whatever because I'm not bending over at your every attempt to fucking flirt!

"Right? Am I fucking right, Marc?"

The huskywolf fell back into his seat, silent, unable to form an adequate response in that gaze; each word he spoke withering away, dying as meek, little mumblings over his tongue.

"This is fucking unbelievable, I'm outta here."

As he turned to walk away, a black shadow swooped by him, settling in a rush around Marc. Before he could say anything, Keurin saw two large fists close around Marc's neck. The huskywolf's eyes shot open and he shoved himself away, against the window, anywhere to flee, but the fists simply clamped tighter, tighter still, until Keurin could see the flesh and fur bulging out sickeningly from between Aderrian's fingers.

"Stop!" Keurin screeched, grabbing the orca's elbow, trying his damnedest to pull the man away. "S-stop it, Aderrian, please, for the love of god!"

The orca was beyond furious; he hadn't caught the entire conversation, but what he did hear was enough. This was enough. He was done. Only one of them was leaving on their own two feet.

"I don't..." the orca began, his jaw locked, teeth bared, spittle flicking onto Marc's blued face. "I don't think you understood me, boy, when we had our little chat a while back. That's quite all right, I've worked with the mentally defective before."

"Aderrian!" Keurin screamed again.

Marc clawed at the orca, his gaze foggy, watery; all sound quickly fading as darkness began to overwhelm him.

"Aderrian! Stop it!" Keurin begged a third time. He pulled harder. "Please, please, Aderrian, please stop - fucking stop it!" He looked to the rest of the diner for help, his eyes wildly zipping from one person to the next, each watching with rapt attention, either too interested in this soap opera performance, or too terrified to help.

"You're going to kill him!"

"Good."

" No! That's murder, Aderrian! Ignoring the fact that you'd go to jail, you'll be a fucking murderer! Could you even live with yourself?"

"Who gives a fuck? You don't."

Keurin released Aderrian, his hands falling limply to his sides. He stood there, a statue, staring widely at the orca. "...What... did you just say?"

"All signs point to you not giving a single flying fuck, Keurin!" He was no longer squeezing Marc's neck, but he held the man in place still, a forearm pressed firmly across Marc's chest.

"I care about you! I love you! You _know_this!"

"Yeah, I go out to lunch dates with my ex's, too!" Aderrian spat back, shooting a cold, hateful glare at the dragon.

That look rocked Keurin to his core; he took another step away from the orca. Marc wheezed, teetering on the edge of reality.

"I'm... I'm calling the police, Aderrian," Keurin warned, his voice unbalanced, as steady as he could muster, hoping that would be enough. "Do it."

Keurin hesitated.

"DO IT."

He shook his head slowly. "I..."

"Good. Stay out of this."

"I don't want you to fuck your life up for me! If you won't stop for yourself and your own life, do it for me!"

"You still protect him?" Aderrian screamed, raw, full of force, rage, pain. It was the first time he had ever done so to the dragon. Something broke within him. Something broke within the both of them.

"I'm trying to protect you!"

"Why?!"

Keurin clapped his palms against his cheat, his voice breaking, eyes shut.

"Because I'm - not - fucking - worth it, you stupid asshole! Look at yourself! Look at what you're seriously considering, for what? Me? You think that'll make me _love_you?"

"No, you_won't_ and you don't."

"Aderrian not a single night has passed where I haven't had a fucking insane, one-sided conversation with your photo! Not a minute-" he pinched his fingers together, squeezing them, "Not a single fucking minute has passed since Christmas where you weren't on my mind; I've thought about you constantly; a never-" he balled his fists and tapped them against his chest with each word, "a never-ending stream of images of you, conversations, memories, fantasies, desires, wants, needs. I don't want you to go to prison because I'll never see you again, never be able to hold you, touch you; be a part of your life... or our life!"

"Uh-huh." Aderrian turned to face the dragon.

Keurin sputtered, exasperated. He stood there for a long moment, and then shrugged, defeated.

"That's it, then, I laid it all bare for you. I love you. I love you so much that I'm going fucking insane without you."

Marc gasped for air, holding his neck, rubbing it, blinking as his gaze slowly returned, and a foggy double vision swirled before him. He coughed, once, again, then a third time, violently as he struggled to refill his lungs with sweet, delicious oxygen.

"I'm sorry, Aderrian," Marc whispered, the words barely intelligible.

The orca wheeled, facing Marc. His eyes were wide. He turned back to face Keurin, raising a hand, beginning to speak.

"But I give up." Keurin raised his palms. "I give up Aderrian. No more Marc."

"I..."

"And no more you. I get it. I fucked up. Big time. Many big times. I get it. It's me; I'm not ready, not yet, obviously."

"I'm not going to-"

"Good, Aderrian, please... don't." Keurin shut his eyes, relieved, and because he could no longer face the orca.

"Marc... I'm sorry for all of this," Keurin said, eyes shut, the floodgates wide open. He smiled bitterly and shrugged. "I fucked you over again. I'm done, I'm out; neither of you have to deal with my stupid, wishy-washy ass anymore. We tried making progress, but this is what happens; I can't say no, I can't just do what my heart wants because my heart is selfish; I want you both, I want Aderrian, I want Marc, me, me, me; I'm done stringing you along, Aderrian; and I'm done getting Marc beat up. I don't want this; I don't want either of you to want this; so I'll make it easy. I'm the foul one here, the disease, the toxic one."

"Keurin..."

"No, it's all right. Y'all will be fine. The both of you are better off already."

He opened his eyes and looked at each of them for a long moment. "You both find someone to make you happy; someone who doesn't cause things like this to happen."

Keurin looked at Marc, "Someone who doesn't neglect to tell you that you are his world, his everything."

He turned to face Aderrian, "Someone who can just be fucking straight with you; someone who doesn't cause you to ride a fucking tilt-a-whirl of emotions and whiny, clingy bullshit; someone who will just flat out tell you I love you.

"Six years away trying to find myself and all I found out was that I don't know what I'm doing."

"K-Keurin..."

"I'm not going to vanish again... at least not literally... but both of you should delete my number and forget where I live. _I'm_the common denominator in all of these problems, so I'm fixing it. Now."

The dragon turned away. He ignored the two men's words as he came up to the register where one of the many employees had set up to watch this entire fiasco. Keurin smiled and chuckled, forcing this awkward, faked happiness that left him feeling sick.

"Hey there, thanks so much! It was delicious. I, uh, well..." he opened his wallet and yanked out every bill, every tip he made earlier that day, an old paycheck - folded and worn, but still valid - and handed it to the woman. "Oh, hell, why not?" he shoved his debit card into her hand as well. "Everyone's on me. Keep the change."

Aderrian had gotten up and had approached the dragon during his conversation. He touched Keurin's shoulder softly.

"Keurin... please... I-"

The dragon patted Aderrian's hand, and for a moment the orca hoped... but Keurin gently shoved it away. He smiled, the curve of his lips stretching agonizingly across his face. "Thank you for not screwing up your life for me." The smile vanished:

"Please don't come for me, Aderrian," he said, his voice like gravel, each syllable was a labor unto itself to force past his lips. "Things will just keep ending up like this for you."

"Keurin. No..."

The dragon smiled again. It hurt. It fucking hurt. "No, stop it, it'll be all right. You'll be all right, Aderrian."

The woman stretched her hand out, holding Keurin's debit card. He looked at it and started laughing. Sticking his hands into his pockets, he shook his head.

Don't need it. he thought, and left. As he stepped outside, he broke out into a sprint. His feet didn't stop until he reached his apartment, going so far as to just take the stairs, lest he be stuck, motionless, in the elevator where all of his thoughts and better judgment could catch up to him.

Only when he was safe behind the locked door of his apartment did he stop. His eyes were wide open, mouth agape; silent; staring through the wall to the beyond; shuddering, heaving, falling to his knees; pain in his chest, actual heartbreak; he looked up and let loose a gut-wrenching howl, quickly covering up and clenching his teeth; the room spun; black, sludgy shadows encroaching the white walls. He welcomed it. It promised quiet peace.

Then he remembered.

"No, no, nonononononononononononono-" on and on now; a cacophony, dissonant; rhythmic bitching, whining again?

Stop it!

"Stop it!" he screamed.