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Waning Heart

_ DISCLAIMER: All characters and properties are copyright their respective owners. All writing and original characters are copyright 2010 Zephyr Paws. The author is in no way associated or affiliated with any third-party. This original fiction was created with no intention of any copyright infringement against any third-party, and is purely for fan enjoyment. _

WARNING: This story contains sexual acts and descriptions of sex between two Pokemon. It also contains first-person descriptions of internal emotional turmoil that follows rape, as well as the struggles in getting past it. If any of these things bother you - at least when reading them in a fictional story (real rape is awful!) - or if you are under 18 years old (or whatever it is in your area), then stop reading now and, um, do something else. Of course.

-~ Chapter 4: Seeing is Believing ~-

As the sun rose from behind me, I realized I was a bit closer to the mountain than I thought. It looked like I could get there in just a few more hours of walking.

My feet were absolutely killing me, though. I'd been walking all night and I needed to take a break. I fell back into the field and just lay there, enjoying the gentle morning breeze stirring the grass and running across my face.

Fresh air... real fresh air... it had a certain crispness to it, feeling much chillier than it was around Mt. Moon, but still surprisingly refreshing.

It was very relaxing. I felt at peace with everything for that moment. A smile almost hit my face as I thought about everything I'd overcome...

"Brandy..."

That voice...? It sounded so familiar...

"If you ever disobey me..."

I quickly sat up and looked around me in a panic, breathing heavily and worrying that he was back, that he'd somehow found me.

"I'll punish you!"

"N- no!" I cried out, standing up and running as quickly as I could toward the mountain. It felt like Tom was chasing right behind me, pants thrown off and everything, ready to abuse me even more. "Leave me alone!"

I continued running from Tom, nearly tripping a few times out of worry and panic. I heard his shouting and angry threats in the background. It was awful!

Next thing I knew, I tripped on something in the grass and fell forward, landing on the grass fairly hard so I couldn't instantly get up. I was so worried that he was going to get me, that he was going to punish me just as he'd said.

"Oh, I love you too, sweetie~"

Huh? I blinked as I looked forward, in the direction the voice was coming from. I heard nothing else but some rustling up ahead. It was as if Tom completely vanished as I snapped back into reality, my flighty, timid nature instinctively kicking in when I heard something out of the ordinary.

Curiously, I crawled forward, making sure to be quiet. My fears of Tom chasing me had completely left me by now as I was too interested in what was ahead of me, not to mention worried. My mind surely couldn't tell the difference between a real threat and an imaginary one yet, but my body and natural senses surely could.

It was a bit weird for my mind to completely snap back to reality like that, honestly. I couldn't explain it, not even if I tried, but whatever the case, as soon as I crawled forward a bit, I saw before me two Sneasel sitting down next to each other, one with its arm draped along the other's shoulder and the other leaning against its partner.

What was going on? Why were those two Pokemon just sitting around together? I continued to watch and saw the Sneasel that was leaning against the other begin slowly pushing the other down onto the ground and then getting on top of it.

I saw it at a bit of an angle, so when they fell onto the ground, I saw them nuzzling each other in the face before conjoining in a tender-looking kiss. They were kissing each other, appearing to really get into it, as they began reaching their arms around one another while keeping their lips locked.

"What do you say~?" asked the one on top in a high-pitched voice, breaking contact with the other's lips. I assumed at that point that she was a female and the one beneath her was a male, though I wasn't exactly sure if that made sense at all, due to my understanding that the male was always more dominant.

"Oh, baby, yes~" replied the other, still in a high-pitched voice, but slightly lower-pitched than his partner's. "Start me up, sweetie..."

I saw the two Sneasel kiss one more time before the female on top slid down the male's body, sliding farther and farther down until she was almost entirely off of him, with her head stationed between his legs. She started tickling his groin with her claws, all while bearing a teasing look on her face. It looked like she was eager to see his erection...?

Just a few seconds later, her wish was granted as I saw the male Sneasel's pink member peek out from its sheath. I blushed a bit, feeling really embarrassed and guilty over what I was watching, but there was also something incredibly intriguing behind it, something that I couldn't quite put my finger on at the time.

"Ohhh~" moaned the male Sneasel, tilting his head back and reaching one of his clawed paws down towards his female partner, lightly petting her on the head as she continued tickling his emerging phallus. "Any time~"

The female smiled. She licked her lips, used one of her claws to lightly grip the base of the male's shaft, and took the tip into her mouth.

It amazed me. I absolutely couldn't believe what I was seeing. Yes, I'd done that before, but it was horrible and disgusting, absolutely awful, and it was completely forced on me. How any female could enjoy putting up with that was beyond me. But that was probably what made it so fascinating... because I didn't understand why she was doing it.

As I watched the female Sneasel encase her mouth around the male's member and bob on it ever so slightly, I began remembering when I was forced to do that to Tom. The taste was fresh in my mind, almost as if it was filling my mouth right as I watched. It nearly made me cringe...

But in looking at her face, I watched her seem to take delight in what she was doing. She'd shift between looking down at the penis she was sucking and up at the face of the male she was pleasuring, all with a smile on her face.

He wasn't forcing her to do anything. He had his claw up against her head, but certainly not in a threatening manner and it didn't even look like he was guiding her at all. Everything I saw led me to believe it was all being done out of her own free will.

How could that be? Was it really enjoyable? I considered the possibility that Sneasel may have a different taste than humans, but even then it was a horrible feeling having that cock in my mouth and choking on it.

Tom did abuse me, though... maybe that had something to do with my dislike of it. Maybe a normal, healthy Clefable is supposed to like doing that to her 'mate.'

I shook my head as I tried not to over-think it too much and just continued watching the two Sneasel.

It wasn't much longer before the female stopped working her mate's malehood with her mouth and started sliding back up his body. She stopped right when her hips were close to his and placed her claws right on his chest.

"Ready, my love~?" she said in an eager squeal, licking her lips a bit and grinning widely.

"Of course, sweetie~" answered the male, positioning his claws at her hips.

I watched as the female Sneasel pressed her claws against the male, raising her body and her hips a bit, and then watched as she seemed to try to lower herself onto his malehood. She made one attempt and narrowly missed, causing her to try once more with a positive result.

With a light cry of pleasure, she took the male's penis into her body and started sliding herself down to cover its length. She proceeded slowly, but certainly with the dominance I wouldn't expect to see out of a female.

It wasn't even like she was just a female version of Tom, either. No, she wasn't completely controlling or forceful. She was just in charge of the situation and seeming to enjoy doing what Tom forced me to do: mating.

"Just as tight as the first day I met you~" said the male one, smiling beneath his mate.

"Aww, and you're just as hard, my love~" she said back, smiling and lowering her body down all the way onto his. She rested it there for a few seconds before using her claws to push herself up and then lower herself back down onto him, repeating that process over and over.

The male then guided her hips up and down onto his cock as she continued bouncing up and down onto him, both looking completely delighted and ecstatic over their passionate lovemaking session.

It was even more embarrassing for me to watch and I wasn't quite sure what to think of it. I felt so mixed, because they were doing the exact thing that brought so much pain and humiliation to me, but they both - both! - looked like they were having a good time and enjoying it.

Despite the pain I felt when I succumbed to Tom's rape, that female Sneasel looked perfectly content and happy. It didn't look like she was in pain at all. If she was, why would she be smiling with such a happy look on her face?

I was so confused... I thought back to what Sherry said while I was in the Pokemon Therapy Center about males and mating. Maybe that Sneasel was just one of those males? Maybe that was how males were actually supposed to act, with females being in charge of them.

Even if that was how they were supposed to act, there was no way I could ever see myself taking such command of any Pokemon like that. I just wasn't very commanding or confident in myself and nothing I did would ever change that part of me.

I watched for the next several minutes. It was too much for me to pull myself away from watching. It was showing me a side of life that perhaps I'd only gotten the wrong image of. I wasn't sure exactly what it was I was looking for, or why I found it so fascinating when I should have been afraid of seeing such a thing after all of my experiences, but I guess since the grass is greener on the other side, I had to at least look at the grass to notice the difference...

Eventually, it looked like their speed was picking up. The female then cried, "I'm cumming!" The look on her face was most unusual. It looked like she was both in a lot of pain and ecstasy, though since I wasn't her, I couldn't really tell exactly what she was feeling.

I also found it a little odd because I was under the impression that only males would 'cum' and that females were only there to take it. Regrettably, I found out more about cum than anyone should ever have to while with Tom and Whiskey...

Shortly thereafter, I saw the female tense her body up and start panting very heavily. Her panting persisted as she appeared to relax her body slightly, leaning down against the male, who kept on thrusting inside of her.

It looked like he only picked up his pace more. The male reached his arms around the female and gripped her tightly, then continued bucking inside of her. Not more than a few seconds later, he let out a cry as well and appeared to bury his malehood all the way in.

They remained locked in place like that for a few seconds as his penis inevitably squirted cum all along the female's insides. I knew what that familiar pause meant. And I also knew that he would pull out shortly afterwards and then get a lot more drowsy.

I was entirely right. I saw the male's cum-soaked penis slide out of the female's girlhood and the two join each other in a very gentle, passionate embrace, kissing each other deeply. The two held each other and the female nuzzled in against her mate's chest.

That was it. The two just rested there for the next minute or so. That was when I lost interest in watching them.

It felt like my cheeks were on fire. I must have been blushing so bad after watching those two mate right before my very eyes... Oh goodness, I couldn't believe what I just watched...!

I tried to crawl backwards as quietly as I could, you know, to keep from waking them. I made it back a couple of yards before figuring I was far enough away that I could make a getaway.

Not wanting to get caught by them, I jumped up and floated a good twenty feet away before taking another hop and floating with my wings another twenty feet.

I looked back at where the two Sneasel were at. It didn't look like they saw me. I mean, I couldn't even see them anymore from where I was at, so that had to be a good thing. I shook my head and held my hands up to my cheek, still highly embarrassed and confused over what I just saw.

They were mating and enjoying it! Perhaps it was something that could be enjoyed. Maybe it was all Tom's fault that all of the thrill of it was stripped away from me, leaving only his horrible face to haunt my malleable mind.

I decided to keep on heading towards the mountain, though. I had enough time to think of it on my way. I just had to make sure I could keep Tom out of my mind until I arrived.

After seeing those Sneasel mating, seeing the first example of what love looked like... Tom was now only at the very back of my mind.

***

The next few hours were particularly difficult on me. It felt like I was being impatient, wanting to just arrive at the mountain as soon as possible, like there was something waiting for me that I didn't know what. I was still tired physically, but my mind was wandering too much to notice or care.

When I finally arrived at the foot of the mountain, I felt so accomplished. The mountain was absolutely enormous and I knew it would take a very long time to climb! Hopefully there was an entrance to the inside, because caves were a lot more of my thing than living on the exterior of the mountain.

I looked around in search of any sort of entrance, climbing up a few hundred feet along a rather smooth slope. It didn't seem like there was any way inside just yet, but I was bound and determined to find some sort of entrance.

At the very least, I wanted to find somewhere that I could rest. My exhaustion level was climbing steeper than I was climbing the mountain. Well, okay, I wasn't climbing that much of the mountain, but still.

Eventually I ran across a rather large pool of water a few hundred feet up the mountain. It was right at the foot of a much rockier part of the mountain. I looked up and it looked like it was almost a thousand feet high! There was even a waterfall pouring down from all the way up there down into the pool of water.

I ran over to the pool of water, running down into the shallow valley it was nestled into, and happily accepted a drink from it. The water felt so unbelievably quenching! It occurred to me that I hadn't had real water like that in a very long time and had been getting most of my liquids from... other sources.

Oh, it tasted great, it was really refreshing and perfectly chilled. It was definitely a bit chillier over by the mountain, but staying at the foot of the cliff made it feel a bit more bearable as it shielded me from the breeze I felt earlier.

I didn't just want to drink the water, though. My body felt absolutely filthy after everything that had happened. I wanted to take a proper bath to wash up.

I dipped a toe into the water to find that it was a lot colder than I would have liked to bathe in, but I knew I really had to, otherwise I was going to let the icky feeling spread through my mind and make me feel even more gross than I was. I could have been extremely smelly for all I knew - I wasn't really paying attention to my hygiene to the point where it sort of was a blind spot.

Deciding to get brave, since it was just me versus the water, I took a plunge and jumped inside of the clear, cool pond. It was really cold! Not close to freezing by any means, but certainly very brisk and chilly!

I quickly found myself wanting to get out of the water out of worry that I'd freeze, but knew I didn't have to stay in very long and just wanted to make sure I had ample time to freshen up.

Reaching my hands all around me, I began cleaning myself up, scrubbing behind my ears, under my arms, between my legs... particularly between my legs. I found myself rubbing that section of my body more than any other, leaning back against a rock and boldly sticking a finger inside to... to wash it up.

It felt very interesting, to say the least... True, it did bring back memories of Tom sticking his wicked finger inside of me, but it also felt somewhat... somewhat... I wasn't really sure what it felt like, but it was something interesting.

After the memories of Tom passed, my mind wandered back to those two Sneasel I saw mating and thinking of what the female must have felt during their session together. Was she enjoying herself? It looked unmistakably like she was.

Why was my mind so occupied on those two Sneasel? What was it about them mating that fascinated me so much? I had already been forced into mating, so I thought I had some understanding of what it felt like. Why was my mind going through so much second-guessing as I reflected upon what I saw?

I felt a shiver as my thumb lightly scraped against my clit in the water. It almost felt... kind of good, actually. The feeling of my finger inside of me... not thrusting in and out ravenously, but tamed and totally in control... it also felt somewhat interesting.

"Stop..." I moaned instinctively. "Stop...!" I forcefully withdrew my finger and brought it up out of the water to where I could see it. I gazed at it for a few seconds, contemplating, realizing, processing. That same finger was inside of me several seconds ago. It was actually inside, right where Tom had gone... right where I had been violated.

Thoughts of the Sneasel couple quickly left my mind as the familiar feelings of anxiety and depression set in, clouding my thoughts and forcing me to remember just what it was I went through.

It didn't matter if that couple were having fun mating or not, because no Pokemon would ever treat me like that! Why would any male treat me kindly? I didn't know any and it certainly didn't look like that fact was going to change. And what then? How could I be so trusting? So sure?

It made me feel rather ill thinking about it...

Of course, the cold water probably wasn't helping my anxiety issues. I must have forgotten I was even in the chilly pond! Without wasting any time, I got out and shook my body in an attempt to dry it. It didn't work so well, unfortunately, due to the rather silky body a Clefable like me has.

At least it wasn't too breezy, which I knew from past experience quickly made a wet Clefairy a cold one.

Hehe... I wouldn't forget that moment, way back when I was still a Clefairy. Daddy told me not to go in the water because it was cold and night out in the outside of Mt. Moon. I swear I was listening to him, but I lost my balance and fell in anyway!

Well, needless to say he shouted a bit and was rather disappointed that I disobeyed him, but he made sure he knew what my punishment was... and that was being all wet while it was a bit breezy and cold outside! I was freezing and all he did was say, "I told you so," telling me that I should have listened.

I did listen. I shouldn't have been so careless. I'm sure it was all my fault and there was probably nothing he could have done anyway. It seemed a bit harsh at the time, but he was right, and I learned my lesson that day.

Oh daddy... Why did I have to grow up? Why did you make me?

As I reflected even further upon my past, remembering daddy and my life back in Mt. Moon, I slowly drifted off to sleep while lying down at the edge of the pond.

***

I slept for what seemed like a very long time, enough for me to feel rejuvenated and refreshed. After I had cleaned myself up, a nice, well-deserved sleep was exactly what I needed to get back on track towards continuing to explore the mountain.

I woke up feeling a little groggy and certainly rather chilly as it was practically night out. There was a rather pink, dusky color in the air, still very crisp at the foot of the mountain.

Night meant that I would probably have to find somewhere a bit warmer to stay or find something to stay warm in. I didn't want to freeze out in the mountains, after all, though it was still within reason. Perhaps there was something around that could keep me warm, like an unused den, or perhaps even a pile of leaves?

Figuring it was a good idea to find something along those lines, I got up and started walking away from the pond, trying to keep mental tabs on what direction it was so I would be able to return there later on should I need to. It was a pretty nice spot, after all.

Rather than climbing past the pond and scaling the mountain further, I decided to backtrack because I knew that there were more trees and such near the base of the mountain than further on, plus it would more likely be warm down there than up ahead.

The next half hour or so was spent looking for any place I could stay. It was a pretty unsuccessful half hour. The only thing that moved ahead was the sun, fully setting and encompassing everything in a nighttime hue.

I picked up a few piles of leaves with my hands and walked with them back in the direction of the pond. It seemed like as good as any place to camp out, after all, with the nice waterfall there to keep the water fresh and the mountains shielding me from a lot of the wind.

As I approached the pond, though, I froze - not due to temperature, but due to fear. There was a Pokemon at the pond! It was difficult to tell what it was, as I could only see its back and it was night out, but it appeared to be a little taller than me, had a blue body, and a rather big, thick tail pointing backwards a bit.

I slowly set the pile of leaves down to try and get a better look at the Pokemon, though as I did so, I noticed it glance over in my general direction. Not good! I shielded my face to avoid getting seen - because I knew that would work, of course - and, thankfully, it looked like the Pokemon just turned away.

"Musta been the wind," said the Pokemon in a bit of a lower, masculine voice. He then knelt down and started sipping some of the water with his paws.

Who was that Pokemon? What was that Pokemon? I had no idea, but it looked like he was more than comfortable taking some of that water down there.

I watched him for a bit longer, watching him finish drinking from the pond and then jumping forward into it. With a loud splash, the Pokemon entered the water and swam towards the waterfall.

What I saw next surprised me. The blue Pokemon went right up to the waterfall and, walking forward a bit after coming out of the water, he walked right into the waterfall!

I gasped as I saw him do that, so confused over what I just witnessed. But what was even more confusing was the fact that I couldn't see him anymore. It was like he just vanished into the waterfall.

Perhaps it was just because it was dark out, or perhaps that Pokemon was some sort of magical Pokemon that can hide in waterfalls. I didn't know for sure, but I knew it wasn't the night I was going to find out.

After picking up the leaves I'd gathered, I ran off to where I came from, trying to keep my distance and find somewhere else to stay. Well, all while trying to stay close enough so I could, well, you know, look into it more in the morning.

I placed the pile of leaves down on the ground and lay myself down on them. Sleep seemed like the only thing I could really do anymore, like it was the only thing I knew how to do other than gather leaves and spy on other Pokemon. The worst part was I wasn't even tired!

I just spent the next few hours staring at the moon, hiding under my blanket of leaves - which kept me surprisingly warm - and wondering to myself what that Pokemon was doing.

If I saw him in the morning, could I persuade myself to approach him and talk to him? To ask him what he was, what he was doing there? How to get inside of the mountain? Or would I just keep my distance? I didn't know what that Pokemon was capable of. He could be a monster just like Whiskey was, intent on asserting his power over me in ways I feared so much.

That was when I started worrying even more. What if there were other male Pokemon on the mountain? What if one of them found me while I slept and then carried me off to abuse me and rape me? I had no way of knowing who or what was on the mountain - there could be anything! It wasn't Mt. Moon, after all.

I shuddered at the thought. I didn't want to let it control me, but it was starting to. Fear and anxiety started taking over my mind again. I felt scared again, scared that I'd have to go through the pain I already went through more times than any Pokemon should have to... scared that I'd wind up back in that Pokemon Therapy Center, locked inside of a white, padded room, with Pokemon preaching to me how they think I should be.

No... there had to be some hope. There had to be something that would work out for me in the world. Something, anything! Surely I'd been through enough pain and suffering in my life already, right? It seemed like things were only getting worse and worse, so they had to start turning around, wouldn't they?

I wasn't so sure. How could I be so sure, after all. I was far away from home, had very little knowledge about surviving on my own, and still felt so psychologically scarred from everything that had happened that I had no clue what I was going to do in order to get by.

What was my purpose in life? Did I even have one? Was I really hatched from an egg, abandoned by my parents even before I was born, just to be raped, abused, and fearful for my entire life?

My mind, jumping around like it had grown so used to doing, started wandering back to the two Sneasel that were mating on my way to the waterfall pond. They both seemed so happy, so... affectionate towards each other. It was like they both truly cared what the other felt. The female wasn't reluctant or hesitant about anything she was doing and it looked like she enjoyed it.

There had to be something more to what I saw there. There had to be something more to mating than just what Tom and Whiskey so awfully taught me. There just had to be, otherwise I wouldn't have seen what I did.

Maybe I was just starting to go crazy. It wouldn't have been the first time, and knowing how I've been prone to act over the past week or so, it was probably just the start of it.

I wished there was something that could turn my life around, something that could bring me back to a happy place again, to give me some sort of strength to move on and to find satisfaction. Being so far away from home, from Mt. Moon, from Kanto even, it felt like there was nothing that could do that for me.

But maybe, just maybe, my someday would come once again...

-~ End of Chapter 4 ~-