FSE

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When Roy and I finally returned from his grandparent's house a week later, I decided I should stop by my house to talk to my parents and unpack a few things. It was cold and snowy that night, so Roy offered to come along. While we were walking down towards my house I saw Damien standing at the end of my walkway, eventually noticing us approaching. Damien walked up to us as a I notices a fierce scowl on his face. Before I could even ask what was wrong he rushed past me and grabbed Roy by the collar, jerking him up into the air.

"Who the fuck do you think you are you little prick!" Damien snarled as he threw Roy to the snowy ground.

"Damien what on earth are you doing?!" I asked in shock.

"You think you can sneak behind my back and take whats mine?!" Damien growled as Roy stood up.

"Damien what the hell is going on?!" I shouted.

"Hon how can you be so blind? He's obviously trying to take you from me, why else would he take you to see his family behind my back?" Damien explained.

"Damien what are you talking about? I told you I didn't wanna go to my grandparent's, and I couldn't go with you so Roy invited me to go with him. I would've called and told you but we were both out of the service area" I reasoned.

"I don't want you around that filthy, disease ridden halfer anymore, he's gonna infect you or something" Damien spat, leering over at Roy. At that moment my worry and panic became infused with anger, an anger I'd never felt toward Damien before. Before I could retort I saw Roy lunge at Damien, his fist landing into Damien's jaw. Damien snarled and slammed Roy to the ground, pummeling his fist into Roy's face. I tried to tear Damien off him, but Damien wasn't responding. I finally pushed Damien over and put myself between the two of them. Roy leaned up, his nose bleeding profusely, and his face swollen. Damien stood up and grabbed my arm, dragging me along with him. "C'mon we're leaving" Damien ordered. I snapped back my arm and stepped away from him, the fire inside me roaring.

"I'm not going anywhere with you, just what the hell do you think you're doing Damien!?" I yelled.

"You're MY boyfriend ok?! You belong to ME not HIM. YOU'RE MINE, NOT HIS, MINE! " He roared.

"Damien, you do NOT own me, Roy is my friend, and I will NOT let your psychotic jealousy get in the way of that" I snapped, my body burning all over.

"See, this is what I was talking about, he's trying to break us apart!" Damien replied.

"No Damien, you're the one who's doing that. Now leave, I don't want you anywhere near me right now" I sterned.

"Hon, I'm just trying to..."

"NOW!" I screamed. Damien's ear fell a bit, and he gave a stormy look towards Roy before going back to his truck, and peeling away. I walked back over to Roy and helped him up, my anger fading as I led him over to my house. My parents rushed into the room to greet me, their expressions warping from excitement to shock when they saw Roy.

"Oh my goodness, what's going on?!" Mom asked.

"I don't know, Damien... he just... just snapped" I stammered as dad led Roy to the bathroom to clean up.

"Damien did this?" Mom gasped. I nodded and walked upstairs, wanting to make sure Roy was alright. Dad had already began cleaning the blood from his face, and I could barely stand to look at the damage Damien had done. After a few minutes dad went downstairs to get and icepack and I hesitantly went in to talk to Roy. His face was a bit more swollen than before, but other than that there didn't seem to be too much else to worry about. I could barely look Roy in the eyes in my shame for what Damien had done.

"Roy... I'm...I'm so sorry" I muttered, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Josh don't...don't let yourself feel bad for what he did. It wasn't your fault" He comforted. I couldn't stop myself from breaking down, and I knelt down bawling. I felt Roy pull me toward him, resting my head on his lap and running his hand over my hair. I sat their hating myself, hating Damien, and I couldn't stop crying no matter how hard I tried. Damien was no longer the loving caring person I thought he was. I was afraid of him, but even so, part of me wanted to forget everything, so I could go back to him.

After a while I must have fallen asleep, and I woke up alone in my bed. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket, and found various texts and voice mails from Damien, all of them apologies, desperate pleas to call him so we could talk. But something drastic had changed, the part of me that wanted to be beside him was dwindling, and the thought of being in his arms made me shudder. I couldn't talk to him, I wasn't ready. I laid back down, and quickly fell into the darkness, feeling more lonely and colder in that void than ever before.

The next day I went over Roy's first thing, still feeling horrible about what happened. He was so kind and comforting, it was difficult for me to stop feeling guilty. His injuries were still pretty noticeable, and I could barely stand to look at him. Every time I did, I saw the bloody rage that had been in Damien's eyes that night. I turned my phone on every once in a while to read Damien's flood of texts, but would soon turn it off to avoid his calls. Everything I once thought about Damien had been shattered, and I couldn't think about him without feeling upset. But the thing I feared most was having to face him, it was an inevitability, and there was no way around it.

When school started back up after the break, I took drastic measures to avoid Damien as much as possible. I rode with Roy to school and took a detour to my first period, successfully staying out of Damien's sights. By second period I had a strong sense of relief, knowing he was on the opposite side of the school, and that I'd be able to spend some time with Roy. When third period came along, I saw Damien waiting for me outside the boys locker room. I quickly stepped out of sight pulling Roy along with me.

"Crap he's right over there" I stressed.

"I could distract him if you want" Roy offered

"No no I don't wanna risk any more fighting, I can't talk to him yet but I know if he sees me he's going to force me to talk to him" I sighed.

"Heres an idea, when another group comes along walk on the opposite side where he cant see you, and I'll walk past just before to catch his attention" Roy explained. I didn't really have any other options and decided to try Roy's plan. When a couple of big guys walked towards the locker room a stepped in behind them while Roy went ahead. Luckily Damien looked right past me as I darted into the locker room and caught up with Roy. "Y'know, you can't avoid him forever" Roy commented as he began changing.

"I know, but I'm still too scared to talk to him yet, if I talk to him now, I feel like I'd only see him as whatever he was on that night he attacked you. I know I'm probably dumb for even considering it, but if theres even one little hope that he can make up for what he did somehow, I want to give him the time to do it. Otherwise talking to him would only make me angry and upset, I can barely even think about him without getting frustrated anymore." I replied.

"It's not dumb, I would never expect you to just give up on him, you're just not that kind of person, you're too forgiving for that" He smiled.

"I'm not so sure, this time he took it so far, it may have pushed me to my limit" I doubted.

After we got dressed and started, Steve couldn't wait to ask me about my holiday, he seemed excited to see me, sadly I was too preoccupied to return his tenacious optimism. After a while he began noticing something was wrong, and started asking questions. I started worrying even more, that if he found out about what happened with Damien, he might take it the wrong way and think of it as an opening to move in. Then I thought perhaps I was overreacting for no reason, my emotions were all a jumbled mess, and somehow Steve saw right through me.

"Josh you seem pretty off today, did anything happen during break?" He wondered. It was the worst question he could've asked. I didn't want to avoid the question in fear of being conspicuous, but I couldn't actually tell him what happened.

"It's nothing, but...thanks for asking" I smiled. A part of me was glad he was worried, that he actually cared about me, but those feeling were soon dissolved by pain and apprehension.

The clock was ticking down, and it was only a matter of time before I would be forced to cross Damien's path. I decided to sit down and talk with him at lunch to prevent a scene or argument. As I sat in the lunchroom Damien approached with a look of relief, rushing up to the table.

"Babe where have you been? I've been trying to talk to you about what happened" He frowned.

"I know, I just... wasn't ready to talk to you yet" I replied.

"Hon I'm sorry for what I did, but... you have to understand something, people like Roy can't be trusted. I know he's trying to draw a wedge between us, and I was only trying to protect you" He explained.

"What do you mean people like him? Roy hasn't done anything wrong here, you're the one who attacked him" I sterned.

"Josh, I know I overreacted, but you have to believe me, theres no good that will come from being around him. He wants you for himself babe I know he does" Damien persisted.

"Damien... I don't think you understand how deluded you sound right now. Roy is my FRIEND, and you beat the living shit out of him because YOU can't control your jealousy. That AND you're entirely too territorial and overprotective." I scowled.

"Babe why are you talking to me like that... you don't sound like yourself" Damien whined, his ears drooping a bit. At last I had Damien on the defensive, I was the one person he couldn't attack, and I knew this is the only time I'd have to say what I had to say.

"Damien, as much as I love you, and as much it's going to kill me to say this... I don't think it's a good idea for us to see each other anymore" I murmured, trembling as I spoke.

"Honey PLEASE don't, I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry, I know I can make this right hon, please!" Damien begged.

"I've already made my decision Damien, I'm not just doing this for me, I'm doing this for us. When your around me, you hate the idea of anyone else being near me, so you pull me close to you. When we're apart, you constantly check up on me, not because you're worried about me, but the other people I may be with. You once promised me you'd never do anything to hurt me, and I'm finally realizing that this situation IS hurting me." I went on, pulling out the cell phone Damien gave me as I spoke. "I'm giving this back, I don't need it anymore"

"Josh you don't know what you're saying, lets just talk about this, you can't make rash decisions like that" Damien reasoned, his body beginning to shake.

"Theres nothing left to talk about Damien, it's too dangerous for me to be with you anymore. I'm sorry, but this is how it has to be." I sobbed, tears escaping my eyes. I stood up and began walking out, no longer able to look at him. As I went to exit the room I felt many eyes on me, but the grief inside me made me numb to their gaze. I half expected Damien to come after me, or perhaps it was just the part of me that still wanted him, hoping he would come after me. But I kept walking, and I felt my heart begin to crack. I just had to make it a bit farther, I had to go where I could be alone. I walked down the hall, using the first exit door I could find, and stepped outside into the frigid winter air. Surrounded by 2 long walls, I fell to the ground, barely able to breathe. My heart was shattering, splintering, fading, until all I could feel was my empty chest. The fires I one held within had been doused in the rains of grief, and the cold seemed to be seeping into that void, freezing me inside and out. I buried my head into my knees, just waiting for something to happen, waiting for my body to move again, waiting for my soul to mend, something.

I opened my eyes to hear the bell ringing, students clamoring in the halls just beyond the door. I slowly stood up, my legs barely supporting me. I went back inside and treaded down the hall, paying no attention to anyone around me. I somehow managed to find Roy's car, and crawled inside away from the cold. I sat there unable to feel, unable to think, I never would have imagined I could have been so broken by all of this. Roy climbed inside, instantly noticing my state of desolation.

"I heard... are you alright?" He questioned. All I could offer was the slightest of nods, unable to turn my sight in his direction. But in my mind I knew I wasn't alright, I was broken, and I no longer had the strength to keep my inner core stable. I lost all sense of time and direction, and everything I saw was in shades of grey. When we arrived at Roy's I couldn't move, I just wanted to sit there, and despite Roy's best efforts to coax me out of his car, I just sat there, an empty shell. Roy decided to sit there with me, wrapping a warm arm around me, giving a slight charge to the life within me. But in that brief resurrection there was only sadness, and tears fell from my eyes once more. We must've sat there until the sun went down, his arms pulling me to him as I cried into his chest. Roy knew my pain, he had felt this pain.

After we finally got out of the car, Roy helped me to his room, laying me down on his bed to rest. I was exhausted from crying for so long, and before he even left the room I already felt myself being pulled into the darkness, a realm of solitude enveloping my soul.

I found myself finally waking up the next morning, my body warm yet stiff, still wearing my jacket under the covers. Roy was sleeping soundly next to me, his arm wrapped around me. I shifted closer to him, burying myself in his warm lush fur, wishing somehow it could have been Damien I was next to. But I knew I could never wake up to that feeling again, that warmth had faded. I pressed my hand to Roy's heart, feeling it's strong rhythm inside his chest. I then brought it to my chest, and felt that my heart was beating as well. I had thought perhaps my heart had disappeared, and my life along with it. But I could still feel this pain. I was truly alive, for the dead can feel no pain, and with this pain I decided I would move forward, one step at a time. For once I thought perhaps I came close to knowing the suffering Roy must have gone through, and I wouldn't let that go to waste. I knew I couldn't let myself be a burden to Roy, nor to anyone else. I would get through this, and come out of it a stronger person. I would bear with this pain, until it finally subsided.

After we got up and got ready we drove over to school, and as I entered I got an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach, and felt a set of keen eyes locking onto me. I looked up to see Mr. Night standing in the main hall, instantly waving me over to him as we made eye contact. My heart began sinking, and I was almost shaking as I followed him into his office. I knew his official reason for bringing me in was most likely for skipping fourth period, but I just knew Damien would be involved in this somehow. I sat down as his eyes studied me, making it more and more difficult to stay calm.

"Do you know why I brought you in here this morning josh?" He asked in a neutral tone.

"I think I might" I replied.

"So do you wanna tell me what happened?" He questioned, his voice still quite plain.

"With Damien?" I wondered, wanting to make sure we were talking about the same issue.

"Yes... last night when he came home he was the most upset I've ever seen him. I don't know if you knew this about Damien, but when he gets this upset, it can make him a bit... hostile, which is why I asked him not to come to school today. I tried talking to him but he just threw his dresser at me and locked his door" He stated, a nervous chuckle escaping him. I was shocked to hear Damien had gone that far, but I was more curious about what Mr. Night was getting at. "Josh, you and Damien were so beautiful together, what could he have done to make you break up with him?"

"Well... he got really jealous of my friend Roy, and he got violent with him. And the things he said about Roy... the anger I saw in his eyes, it reminded me of them" I explained, looking out the window towards the students walking into school.

"Them?" He questioned

"All my life I've been a target because I'm different. When Damien called Roy a disease ridden halfer, I lost all respect for him. I couldn't be with someone who could judge other people like that, I thought 'what if he had eventually thought that I was disgusting'. Damien and Roy dated once, and Damien left Roy because of his condition. I felt like he could just do the same thing to me, and even if he didn't, I couldn't be with someone who would go as far as to hurt my friends just because they're jealous." I went on. Mr. Night was silent for a while, pondering over my words.

"I'm not going to tell you to take him back, but please, don't forget that Damien does love you. All of this is taking a heavy toll on him, if you can't give him another chance, then please at the very least stay friends with him. He needs you in his life, even if it is at a distance. After every thing's settled down, and you're feeling up to it, give him a call and talk things over. Will you do this for me?" He pleaded. I nodded as he led me out of his office, a slight breeze of relief passing through me. I never would have thought that Mr. Night would have been so keen on the two of us being together, but then again this was his son, I doubt he would want Damien to stay so distraught.

The day went by and I was finding myself coping much better than I had first expected. But is was probably due to Damien's absence that I was dealing with this so well. As the day went on I could hear whispers following me, all of them about Damien and I breaking up. I could tell that some of the guys in the school saw this as a window of opportunity to begin a new wave of insults, as the words fag homo and cock sucker were popping up at an alarming rate. But this was nothing I couldn't handle. Eventually gym came and Steve had a rather urgent look on his face as I entered the room. As soon as we were dressed he pulled me aside to talk.

"Hey man are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, well I'm surviving anyway" I sighed.

"Well thats good to hear. Anyway, I know this isn't the best time, I mean I meant to ask you yesterday but you looked kinda down, but finals are coming up soon, and Its been a while since you've come over and I think I'm gonna start slipping again if I don't get any help" He rambled, anxiously rubbing the back of his neck.

"Hey you don't have to be scared to ask me, to be honest I could use a distraction from all this." I reassured him.

"Thanks, if it weren't for you I'd probably be failing right now. So would it be ok to come to your place after school?" He wondered.

"Well sure but, why the sudden change?" I questioned.

"Well we always study at my place and its a pain in the ass to deal with my dad, so I thought your place might be more convenient" he explained. I remembered when Steve had stopped coming over after that one night, but now that he was starting to feel more secure around me, it wasn't very surprising that he'd want to start coming over again.

After gym and fourth period were finished I went home with Roy and went over to my house to wait for Steve. After he had finished his after school activities he came to my house and we started back up into our study routine. It was much more convenient than having him drive me to his place and back every day, and being around him helped keep my mind off of Damien.

Days went by, and the routine of school and studying with Steve helped keep my mind balanced. Damien Eventually came back to school, not speaking a word to me, but instead looking at me with mournful, regretful eyes. I could tell he wanted to be near me, to talk to me, but I supposed Mr. Night had told him to give me space. Slowly I found my heart mending, but still so fragile. Damien was so lost, but I couldn't bring myself to speak to him yet.

Soon it was mid December, and Christmas was approaching quickly. The cheery season had put me in better spirits, but there were still scars that just wouldn't mend. I thought by now I would have been over it, but something was still missing, something preventing my heart from coming back together.

Finals had Steve in a panic, but I knew he was worrying for nothing. His progress was perfectly fine, and there wasn't anything he didn't understand on the notes for the test. More and more of the time we spent together was occupied by talking and just hanging out. It had me a bit worried, I knew Steve had some sort of feelings for me, and he could see that I was over Damien, but still in pain. I wondered, if maybe he was really so kind hearted as to keep his feelings out of the way for the moment. Or perhaps he feared his feelings would only complicate his chances. I didn't know what to think, my head was balanced but spinning, I could no longer sort my thoughts and my emotions correctly.

Steve and I were in my room studying the weekend before finals, soft pale snow gently falling outside. I sat on my bed while Steve was in the computer chair, his nose buried deep into the study guide for the test. We'd gone over the material so many times I didn't think he'd want to study anymore, but with his sport career on the line It was no wonder he worried so much. Mom and dad had left to go to visit a relative, so with just the two of us in the house it was almost completely silent. I felt my body grow heavy and I laid back, looking out at the sea of white.

"Hey are you alright?" Steve asked, wheeling over to the side of the bed.

"Yeah...I guess I'm just feeling tired. The snow is so serene, I feel like I could just start floating" I chuckled softly. Steve brought his paw to my forehead, a look of concern on his face.

"You sure you're ok? You seem out of it" He questioned.

"I guess I've just been worrying so much lately, and right now I feel so relieved. Everything just ends up working itself out." I said, only half aware of what I was even talking about. "Hey... can I ask a favor of you?"

"Um, yeah sure" He responded.

"Could you... lay here next to me?" I asked. Steve seemed a bit confused by my request, but still he stood and came over, leaning back on the headboard so he was sitting up slightly. I scooted my body over and laid my head in the nook between his arm and his chest, my eyes barely able to stay open. When I dared to look up at him, his eyes were no longer surprised or confused, but instead filled with a contentedness so pure it made me want to cry right then and there. His arm wrapped around me while his other paw met my cheek, slowly grazing across it ever so gently. I let myself fall asleep just like that, in that brilliance of kindness and gentility I'd never seen from Steve before. I felt his warm body beneath me, the slow rise and fall of his chest. I felt my heart mend slightly in those few moment of consciousness, until finally fading into sleep.

When I woke a few hours later, Steve had fallen asleep as well, his arms wrapped snugly around my frame. I couldn't help but feel happy, even through all the pain I'd gone through, being in Steve's arms was the happiest I'd been in so long. I softly shook him awake, his eyes looking into mine as he arose. He stretched and let out a long yawn before laying his hand on my shoulder, a curious smile on his face. "So... what does this mean" he asked.

"I'm not really sure, all I know is that my heart is telling me to let you come closer. When I'm with you, I can feel something being fixed, and something inside me changes." I explained.

"Josh...can I kiss you...please?" Steve begged, resting his other hand behind my head. I couldn't resist, I couldn't say no. All I could do, was bring my hand to Steve's cheek, and slowly lean in. I closed my eyes, and his lips pressed to mine. They felt so much different, they were so soft and warm, and the bit of fur tickled my lips as he shifted. His other hand pulled my body closer, forcing my chest to his. I could tell how badly he had wanted this, his body was trembling with anticipation, and his breathing was shallow and unkempt. Soon he was kissing across my cheek and down my neck, nuzzling against me as he squeezed me as tight as he could, making a cocoon of warmth and protection. He went back to kissing me, looking at my reaction before slowly letting his tongue inside, sliding it across mine, a heavy moan escaping him as he went deeper, exploring more vigorously, savoring every second. He finally broke the kiss, nearly heaving as he attempted to catch his breath. I felt his hands grip me tightly as he pulled my head to his chest, as if he couldn't bare what he was feeling. I looked up at him, and saw that he was crying. I pretended not to notice, and just laid there, listening to the beat of his heart.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for everything I did" He sobbed, rubbing my back as he spoke. "I'm sorry I got drunk and hurt you, I'm sorry I pushed you away afterwards, I'm sorry that you got made fun of, I'm sorry you got beat up, I'm sorry for pushing myself on you, I'm sorry for everything!!!" He belted, no longer able to hold back, crying worse than I'd ever seen anyone cry. "If I hadn't have been so stupid back then, If I had just known how to handle myself, you wouldn't have had to go through everything you had. But I wasn't strong enough, I couldn't...I..." He managed before breaking down again. I sat up and held him tight, letting him cry heavily into my shoulder. I never stopped to think how hard all of this must have been for him, all of the uneasiness and uncertainty, it must have bottled up so much that he didn't know what to do with it. "God I feel so stupid, I'm crying like such a pussy but I can't stop."

"It's ok, you've been through a lot all on your own, I know how that feels, and I know how much I had to cry to get through it all" I comforted, rubbing his back and cradling his head. He cried for a good 15 minutes after that, eventually sitting up and wiping his eyes.

"Sorry about all that, I've just been holding in so much I guess I kinda thought this was the best time to just let it all out" He chuckled, his eyes red and puffy.

"It's fine, you're only one person, I wouldn't expect you to handle all of that on your own without getting emotional" I smiled.

"Yeah, but it still makes me feel embarrassed, here I am finally kissing you and I screw it all up by unloading my emotions on you" He sighed.

"Trust me it's nothing to be embarrassed about, to be honest it was actually kind of a humbling experience for me. It was nice to help someone else with their emotions for once, usually I'm the one doing the crying" I told him, resting my hand on his. He looked away for a bit, still embarrassed by his actions, before taking my hand and holding it tight, looking deeply into my eyes.

"I have to ask, are you sure you're ok with all this, I don't wanna pressure you, I mean with your breaking up with that Damien guy" He wondered.

"It's ok. I still need a little time before we do anything serious, but for now... this is ok" I explained, wrapping my arms around him from the side, resting my head on his shoulder.

"There's so much I wanna tell you, so much I wanna ask you, so much I wanna do with you, I never thought this would happen so I don't really know where to start" He said, nervously rubbing his hands together.

"Just ask whatever comes to mind" I replied.

"Well... I know one thing I've wanted to ask for a while, did you ever have feelings for me? I mean before anything happened between us?" He asked.

"Well I did have a sort of a crush on you, but back then I was new and you were nice to me, so I didn't think too much of it." I muttered, feeling my face flare up and turn red.

"If I'm completely honest with myself, I think I might have felt the same way. I mean I didn't think I was attracted to guys at all back then, and you kinda look like a chick so I didn't really know how to feel and I just ignored it. But after spending more and more time with you I started thinking 'Oh shit this guys a dude' and I got more confused. But now I'm pretty confident that I'm at the least Bi, I mean I still find sex with girls appealing, but I find sex with you appealing too." He went on, laughing to cover up how nervous he really was.

"Wow, it must've taken a lot to say all that" I told him.

"Well I don't wanna be so mixed up with my feelings anymore, so I've been trying to sort everything out. It took a LOT though, especially with the sex stuff. Thats why I had that nudie mag under my bed, I wanted to see if I could get off to that kind of stuff." He explained.

"And could you? If you don't mind me asking" I questioned.

"Well...um...fuck it, yes, many many times" He sighed. I couldn't believe how much more open he was, I never thought he would be telling me things so personal and intimate. "But thinking of you was what really got me going, you would always come over and I'd sit there wanting so bad to kiss you, I mean I did eventually but you had a boyfriend so it was even harder."

"Well I'm glad your so honest with me now" I smiled, watching him as he fiddled with his hands.

"So... can I ask for something, I know it's probably way too much but I can't help myself. Now that were here together... I want to see your body, I mean I know I see it every day in gym, but I never get to be this close to you" He muttered shakily. I was surprised at how tame his request actually was, but I thought how long he'd been waiting for this, and I couldn't say no to him, I couldn't say no to those eyes.

"Ok but, only if I can see yours too" I managed, my voice starting to shake in anticipation.

"Really?! Well um, should I go first or..." He trailed off.

"Actually, could you take my clothes off for me, I know that probably sounds weird, but I guess I'm kinda too shy to strip in front of you" I explained as I buried my face in my hands. He sat me up and pulled off my shirt, the coolness of the room whisking over my body. He then took of his shirt, his muscles keeping hold of my vision. He quickly stood and undid his belt, dropping his jeans to the floor, his member tenting a pair of white briefs.

"Um yeah don't mind the boner" He chuckled nervously. I was shaking violently as I stood up, Steve briskly pulling down my jeans, my own member tenting as well. Steve sat back down on the bed, crossing his legs and casually pulling me over to him. He sat me down in his lap facing him, wrapping my legs around his waist. He was gazing at my body, running his warm hands all over me. I looked over his broad shoulders and thick arms and built chest, and soon my hands began exploring him as well. After a while he laid me down, laying over me as he began kissing my chest and neck. I felt him grab my hand, squeezing tight as he tickled my body with his kissing. He leaned up and kissed me, his tongue bathing my own, sharing its warmth. I noticed his briefs had a growing wet spot from his pre, but I was too intoxicated by his touch and his warmth to say anything. I could tell he wanted so much more than just this, but at the same time I knew he was respecting my boundaries by settling for mere bodily contact. I felt my heart rise higher and higher, his eyes shining light into my soul.

He started squeezing my butt as he rubbed his throbbing member onto mine, moaning and cursing at how good it felt. "God josh, I just don't know how much I can hold back, you make me feel so... I don't even know the word. Um, would it be ok if I jerked off? I wanna cum before I get too horned up and do something stupid.

"Um yeah, thats fine, I can leave if you want some privacy." I told him.

"No, its ok, It be weird doing it by myself in your house" He reasoned. He flopped his member out of his briefs, its veins bulging from being trapped for so long. I handed him a box of tissues and watched as he briskly jerked his member as he sat on the side of the bed. I observed curiously as I saw his hand running over his girth. It was only a few moments before he pulled a few tissues out from box, covering the head of his dick as he started moaning, his head leaning back and his cock pulsing wildly as he came. His whole body was shaking as he drained his dick and threw away the bundle of tissues he'd used, returning to the bed and laying on top of me, kissing me even more. "Josh, I love you, I wanna be with you, and I'll do whatever it takes to make up for all the stupid shit I've done." He breathed as he looked down at me.

"I just need a little more time to recuperate, but I do want to be with you" I said shakily, feeling a bit conflicted as what to say.

"Thats fine. So is it ok if I spend the night?" He asked.

"Yeah mom and dad wont be back for a few days." I replied. Steve and I got dressed as I ordered some pizza for the both of us. The rest of the evening we just talked about everything there was to talk about, Steve holding me or my hands the entire time. I felt so refreshed and invigorated, I was happy again. After talking until 2 am we decided to go to sleep, Steve eagerly stripping down to his briefs and hopping in bed, holding me tight as I laid on his chest. I quickly began falling into the darkness, the foundation of my heart restored, and the spark of life within me rekindled.