FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Whatever technology the vehicle used, it was a far cry from what they’d deployed for human use. While the Tiaileng had shared any number of things with us, from crop innovations to essentially inexhaustible power sources, they’d been far less forthcoming about certain things: how their ships and vehicles worked, how they were able to travel across vast distances on something faster than a galactic timescale, and especially how their weapon-disabling technology worked. So, it was hardly a surprise that a Council vehicle had a lot of unrevealed capabilities, but somehow I hadn’t expected it to be quite so different than the Tiaileng vehicles I was aware of.

The most surprising thing, though, was probably what I didn’t feel. It wasn’t much of a surprise that the Tiaileng had ways to affect and rearrange certain aspects of gravity and inertia, since their starships managed to allow their occupants to walk normally on a floor in zero gravity without actually rotating on their axes. Once the vehicle pulled into motion, though, there was only a split-second of the usual feeling of acceleration before… something kicked in, and all of a sudden it was difficult to tell if the vehicle was still moving at all. Everything felt completely stable, and apart from the slightest bits of occasional vibration, it would have been easy enough to believe that we were all seated in a fixed, if futuristic-looking room back at the mansion.

It was an eerie feeling, to be sure - coupled with the passenger compartment’s complete lack of windows, there was no real way to sense how or in what direction we were moving. I could only assume we were zipping back down the driveway, and along the country road that led up to it, probably off to a nearby park or national forest. When I asked Jesollae about it, though, she flashed me a knowing smile.

“Don’t worry… you’ll see what I have in mind in juuuust a moment.” She followed that by getting up and walking over to one of the control panels, poking carefully at it in a practiced sequence. There was a brief, intense hum, that of something all around me powering up… and then, disconcertingly, the entire vehicle disappeared.

Just like that, we seemed to be sitting on the circular bench, and the bench alone, hovering in midair. That, of course, what about when I realized that my judgement of motion hadn’t been accurate at all.

Sure, we’d gone a decent ways away from the mansion, but most of the motion had been vertical rather than horizontal. It hadn’t felt like we’d lifted off at all, certainly nothing like a plane taking off, and yet the handful of puffy clouds in the distance didn’t look all that far above us, while the mansion below looked like a tiny little dollhouse, part of a diorama with a thin, snaking black pencil-line of a road and trees the size of matchsticks dotting hills that rolled into the distance towards the horizon.

In short, all of a sudden we seemed to be very high up, with absolutely nothing but the thin bench to support us.

Naturally, I reacted by momentarily panicking, swinging myself over and crouching down flat against the bench, nearly sending the Tiaileng to either side of my flying as I wrapped my arms and legs around its surface in desperation. When I glanced back up, though, I noticed that none of the nearby Tiaileng looked particularly concerned, and in fact seemed to be holding back smirks of amusement.

“Wow… you definitely haven’t been in one of these before.” That was Jesollae’s voice, and I looked over to see her standing exactly where she’d been before, apparently standing on absolutely nothing at all.

“Um… how are you…” I managed, gasping, as she replied.

“Quite simply. We’re still in the vehicle we arrived in, with walls, floor, and ceiling fully intact. However… if you were wondering about all those interesting bumps on the outside of the vehicle, this is… one of the things they can do. Given the scientific nature of my studies, one of the vehicles I commonly have on hand is a sensor vehicle capable of assessing a large area. However, doing so by zooming around on a series of screens is… inefficient, which is why this interface was developed. It provides a complete view of the situation, with any number of readouts and overlays that can be applied to show nearly any type of information in real-time. That being said… the basic effect alone is impressive enough that I thought it would make for a good change of scene. And really, how often do you get to have a picnic in the sky?”

She nudged a control, and the vehicle began to slowly move along the rolling landscape as I gradually managed to unclench my fingers, thankful that I hadn’t had enough time for my anxiety to spike to Tiaileng-disturbing levels before Jesollae dispelled my misconception.

Still, it took a moment to reconcile the explanation with what my eyes were seeing - whatever the screen was made of, it really was good enough that I swore I was looking out into empty air, even though I knew that couldn’t be possible. Sure enough, when I tentatively tapped my foot down where the floor would be, it made contact with the reassuringly hard surface - although the display’s mystery surface didn’t show the slightest bit of extra glow or distortion in response to my touch. Turned off, it had just looked like a flat expanse of nondescript, matte-white metal, but now… calling it remarkable seemed somehow insufficient.

Once I became satisfied enough that the floor was solid, I followed the lead of most of the other Tiaileng and got up from the bench, walking around the perimeter of the room and admiring the view. As I did, though, something else occurred to me: this was the first time I’d really seen much of the world outside of the mansion grounds since… well, since I’d arrived, really. For weeks and weeks, my world had been, essentially, composed of dozens of Tiaileng and my relationships with them amidst an absolutely insane maze of a mansion - and it really had felt like the world had somehow shrunk down to encompass only that reality, with everything else separated at minimum by a web-conference system or other digital display. True, the world outside was essentially being shown on yet another, albeit higher-tech display… but still, just being able to see it again was making me feel better in some instinctual way.

It was also a reminder of just how far removed from most of the society the mansion actually was. Obviously, the prior owner had valued his privacy, but it appeared from above that the property had come with exclusive title to far more than just what had appeared to be the mansion grounds proper. There didn’t seem to be development of any sort for at least a mile around - just hills, grass and stands of trees, plus the asphalt line of a road snaking through them, dipping over only long enough to pull alongside the mansion’s expansive promenade. In fact, I had to look fairly far in one direction to even spot the next town over, and further towards the horizon before I could spot the larger cluster of downtown office buildings that made up the center of the city I’d grown up in. While we weren’t exactly in the middle of nowhere, it was easy enough to understand why we weren’t getting a lot of spontaneous visitors.

In a way, though, I realized I was kind of thankful for it. Dealing with all of this on its own was enough, and while I enjoyed having my friends and family over, in a certain sense it had also brought into relief just how… weird my situation was. Strange as it seemed, I really had gotten used to just… being there, with all my Tiaileng, and having a world that effectively contained just us had made acclimating much easier.

Things really had stabilized, and when Jesollae had showed up and disrupted things again… it was easy enough to see why I wasn’t the only one who’d been perturbed by it. For the moment, at least, my current entourage seemed willing enough to set that aside, and I was certainly happy to have a respite from, well, all of the various things that I had now officially signed up to be a part of.

Now that I was reasonably calmed down from my initial surprise, my Tiaileng quickly followed suit. Soon enough, we were all seated back on the bench, seemingly floating thousands of meters up in the air, with one of Jesollae’s helpers opening up the picnic basket and setting out a packet of what looked like professionally-wrapped sandwiches in front of me.

I freed the first one, a turkey and swiss, from its cellophane wrapper, as I watched her dig deeper into the basket and retrieve bottles of the nutrient water to hand out to the others. So far as I knew, it was the only thing that they actually consumed - and aside from wondering whether they had to deal with the same boring taste every day, I hadn’t really thought much of it. Now that I had a calm moment to contemplate it, though, my mind drifted towards a strange comparison: the only other things I could think of that relied on that blend of sustenance were plants. Which probably wasn’t far off, since they thrived on a similar sort of photosynthesis, but it was also kind of fascinating to think that what on our planet had resulted in slow-growing, ponderous, all but stationary vegetation had, through some other planetary pathway, turned into something so radically different. It was hard to imagine what conditions would have led to such an unusual combination, but then again, it probably wasn’t any more unusual or unlikely than our own strange process of evolution - or the evolving combination of circumstances that had led to the Tiaileng making their way across interstellar distances all the way to us.

As curious as my musing was, though, it was quickly quieted by the more immediate urge of my stomach, which came roaringly to life when the scent of the unwrapped sandwich fully made its way to my nostrils. I’d thought I’d eaten decently before the presentation, but distracted as I’d been, it had certainly been possible I’d been thinking more than eating. In any case, while the combination wasn’t exactly my favorite, I managed to wolf down one half of the sandwich without really thinking about it, other than to consider that it seemed actually decently seasoned for Tiaileng food. In fact, considering the burn settling into my mouth, it was probably especially so - while the mustard and ketchup probably would have been in decent proportions, whoever had made the sandwich had apparently confused the ketchup and the thick red pepper sauce that I occasionally used to spice things up. Weirdly, though, the combination actually kind of worked, although I set the other half aside for the moment and carefully edged up the bread and tasted a bit of the condiment spread before diving in to the next sandwich.

Despite the illusion of a spontaneous picnic floating high in the sky, the next half-hour or so felt blissfully normal, or at least normal in reference to how things usually were. Everyone was happy, talking lightly amongst themselves, and while a few of the Tiaileng, Jesollae included, still had that uncanny habit of watching me unwaveringly as I ate, I realized that I’d even started to be accustomed to that particular quirk. At the very least, it didn’t bother me enough to spike my anxiety or dissuade my appetite.

Soon enough, though, the sandwiches and energy drinks were consumed, and while everyone was still generally bubbly and polite in that particular Tiaileng way, I didn’t have to be an empath myself to sense the undercurrent of tension that still lurked in the glances between my entourage and Jesollae’s. It was enough, in fact, that before any other avenues of conversation really started up, Jesollae herself saw fit to stand up and issue an unexpected pronouncement.

“So… I have to admit, I’m actually not that accustomed to confrontation. Being on the Council, Tiaileng tend to assume that what I say is always the right thing, and agree to it. Humans, well… they always push back, a little or a lot, and I usually figure out a way to accommodate them sooner or later. The thing is, though, because of the usual dynamic between Tiaileng and the Council, I’ve never really considered having to accommodate the needs of the assigned Tiaileng involved. True, there are usually… less of you in any one assignment, which makes for fewer unique perspectives to consider, but nevertheless, it’s usually been about me doing my research and them acquiescing to my requirements because of my status. But since what happened earlier, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and instead of simply promising some future meeting that quite possibly would have amounted to me telling you what to do… I see that was the wrong approach. I was wrong, and let me tell you, that’s something I don’t come to say all that easily or often.

“I simply assumed that what mattered was getting Damian to trust me, and the rest of you would simply follow along from that. But you’re right - it isn’t just about him. It’s about him, and you, and the developing dynamics between all of you that I’ve suddenly thrust myself into the middle of. Which means that I can’t just look to get one single person to trust me. I have to earn all of your trust, together, as the interconnected unit that you are. And that inevitably points to the fact that I’ve been concentrating my focus far too narrowly.”

Jesollae walked back over, seemingly towards me, but instead of settling down beside me as I might have expected, she walked past along the inner circle circumscribed by the bench, instead settling in between Erilanna and Telanelei and wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders.

“If there’s one thing I know about Tiaileng, it’s that we build trust and community by coming together as one - sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally. In one sense, that’s why we lean so heavily on consensus when making important decisions, something I should have taken closer to heart than I have here so far. And, of course, in another sense…” She squeezed her arms tighter, pulling Erilanna and Telanelei in closer - and somewhat to my surprise, instead of squirming or recoiling, they seemed content to snuggle up against Jesollae.

“With that in mind… I thought that maybe we could do something that could do a lot to foster that closeness and trust. A… group hug, of sorts, if you will…”

“A group hug? Um…?” I said, not quite sure where she was going.

“Well, you’ve been talking about trust, and not pushing boundaries, and I want to show you, all of you, that I can hold up my end of it. So what I want to do is find a way that we can all get close, together, and you can see that I’m not going to take advantage of that to do anything more - just appreciate that closeness, that connection, the energy that can flow within and between all of us simply by being calm and enjoying each other’s presence. It may seem a little silly, it may not seem like much of a gesture, but if we’re going to really, truly make this work, I think it’s an important first step…”

“I… guess so…” I replied. Admittedly, for a Tiaileng, something like that was far from unusual - while my Tiaileng had contained most of the friskier stuff to certain places and times, it was rare to see them for very long without them being in some kind of physical contact, either with me or each other. And while certain types of intimacy between us was still a little… uncertain, just being in contact with them was something I’d somehow managed to get used to, and even enjoy. Considering that hugging Jesollae really ought to be just like that - and while I hesitated for a moment after she nodded encouragingly to welcome me in, it only took a short while more, helped along by some of my own Tiaileng cuddling up and coaxing me forward from behind, until I found my way into the middle of a rapidly communal embrace.

I honestly wasn’t sure whether Jesollae’s arms ever actually made it around me, as the other surrounding Tiaileng closed in just as quickly, and there soon was a multitude of fuzzy heads and hands and arms snuggling me from seemingly all angles. In that sense, it was the kind of group hug I could only imagine Tiaileng coming up with, although aside from the fact that there was more clothing being worn all around, I realized that it actually wasn’t all that far off from the post-coital ball of Tiaileng that inevitably seemed to form around me every time I climaxed in their presence.

In fact, I realized that I was so completely surrounded by Tiaileng that nearly all the light from the display screen that surrounded the vehicle’s interior was blocked by their closeness. There were still bits of light filtering through their fur here and there, but it was dark enough that, when I managed to nudge my head slightly away from Jesollae’s chest, I could begin to make out the forms of the faint, jellyfish-tendril strands of energy as they made their way outward from me in all directions towards the various Tiaileng.

As the seconds went by snuggled together, the strands seemed to resolve themselves further, swirling with a shiny sort of iridescence and making the Tiaileng fur flare bright like little fiber-optic bundles wherever the strands terminated against them. It was hard to tell exactly where they were emanating from, as they seemed far more vague at the points they were flowing off of me, but I could swear that most of them seemed to be emanating from my neck, chest and shoulders. They wound their way through the small bits of air between us, none of them seeming to become entangled or even make contact with each other, naturally flowing towards whatever Tiaileng they were destined for.

It was a subtle, shifting display of beauty, and for a while I was content to snuggle within the Tiaileng embrace and quietly enjoy it. The thing was, though, as I tried to take in the entire display, I realized that something didn’t look quite right. It wasn’t that the clothing got in the way, exactly - while they didn’t glow as strongly, I could see that the endpoints had no problem going through various shirts to make contact with the fur beneath.

No, it was something more subtle, and it took a moment of looking closer to really understand it. While all the tendrils were generally making contact, the ones going to my own Tiaileng were solidly in place, glowing strongly as they allowed whatever calming energy I was putting out to flow unabated. The ones pointing towards Jesollae, though, didn’t seem to do the same thing - while they still undulated smoothly, the endpoints seemed somehow more hesitant, sometimes making solid contact but more often seeming to skitter and dance along the surface of her uniform. In fact, as I watched, one tendril broke off entirely and snapped over to attach itself to a Tiaileng off to my side, while a handful of others didn’t seem to be making any contact at all, instead hovering near Jesollae’s shoulder and undulating in the air between us like they were somehow uncertain of what to do.

Out of curiosity, I managed to dislodge one of my arms and brought my hand up towards them, wondering if I could somehow… feel what was going on. Of course, the notion of being able to make physical contact with something so impossibly ephemeral seemed ridiculous - at most, the only thing I could realistically thing of doing was maybe blocking its path like waving my hand in front of a beam of light. Still, I brought my hand forward - but to my surprise, I wasn’t able to make direct contact with them. As I moved, the tendrils moved and shifted along with me, maintaining their connections around me and shifting out of the way of my movements, but never allowing my actions to interrupt them. Even the unattached tendrils kind of just… gently flowed to either side, like ripples ebbing away from a strong water current.

Somehow, that actually made me more curious. I moved my hands around near the endpoints of the unattached tendrils, watching them dodge one way, then the other, springing back to their twirling uncertainty when I moved my hand back. And yet, if they were theoretically supposed to be attached…

I moved my hand forward, close enough to almost touch them… and then, curling my fingers beneath my thumb, flicked them out rapidly at the tendrils. Sure enough, they darted quickly over towards Jesollae before my touch could reach them, and a couple of their endpoints seemed to lodge in her uniform, glowing brightly.

To my surprise, though, less than a second later, the other unattached tendrils only half-made it back to their initial position before they turned, and with a sudden purpose, leapt over to make contact with Jesollae’s shoulder just as strongly as the others. Others soon followed, and in the span of maybe a second or two, every single tendril that had been dancing along her was all at once making strong, glowing contact.

At the same time, I felt Jesollae jolt somehow against me, her body momentarily rigid as she gasped sharply, then yelped loudly in surprise. It was enough to shock everyone out of their comfortable trance, and the ball of Tiaileng quickly dissipated around me into a discrete cloud of concerned individuals. I pulled back as well, looking at Jesollae, who bore an expression of incredible surprise as several spots of intense blue glow beneath her uniform slowly faded along her chest and shoulders.

“What… what in the universe did you just do?” she asked, somehow seeming to look both at and through me as she tried to catch her breath.

“I, um, I didn’t mean to hurt you, really! I just-“

“No, it’s not that - not that at all. I’m not hurt whatsoever, and in fact I’m incredibly fine. It’s just… if what I think just happened actually did, well, I have to say it’s something I didn’t really think possible…”

“I… I’m still not sure what I even did…”

“I’m not entirely sure either, but regardless of my earlier promise, I’m going to have to insist that you walk me through exactly what just happened. Because you see… the thing about an assignment is, it’s not quite so simple as is usually claimed. It’s not just showing up at a center, telling you that one or two or three Tiaileng are assigned to you, and then suddenly they are. While you’re matched up, to be sure, the actual process of synchronizing themselves to create a complete connection and fully absorb their partner’s emotional energy is something that takes place over the next few weeks or months. It’s also why you usually see Tiaileng become nearly inseparable from their new partners, or at least more so compared to how they are later - because that closeness and constant contact means the energy dissipates the least, so they can get the best sense of the energy and more rapidly attune themselves to it. When they’re around someone with energy as strong as you have, any Tiaileng can at a minimum sense it to some extent, and with my training I can do that better than most… but right now, I can feel you at full power, like there’s nothing missing between us at all.”

“Wait, you mean you’re saying…”

“Yes. I don’t really know how, or understand how that could actually happen, but somehow you’ve managed, all by yourself, to effectively ‘assign’ me to you in a matter of moments.”

“I, um… I really didn’t mean to…”

Jesollae sighed ever so slightly, but smiled at me nonetheless. “Of course it’s not your fault. How could you have known something like this could happen, when absolutely no one even thought that such a thing was possible? Still, it does make things… just a bit more complicated. Obviously, I wasn’t actually supposed to develop a connection to you, or at least not quite to that extent. However, while I suppose even that could be called into question now, I’m fairly certain that this isn’t something that can really be undone. In effect, I really am assigned to you now. Which means that we really do need to head back, as I will need to contact the council immediately about this situation and the ramifications. While we head back, though… I need to know exactly what you did, and I mean every single detail that you can recall, no matter how minute…”

As the landscape began to flow beneath us, hills and valleys rolling by until the mansion came floating back up to meet us, I recounted everything that I could remember about the tendrils, what I’d noticed and how I’d managed to make them react in the way that they had. Jesollae listened, seeming raptly fascinated by it all - as, for that matter, did all of my other Tiaileng. In any other situation, it would have been completely disconcerting, but at least now they actually had a reason for it. In fact, as I looked over at them, I realized something that was at least slightly surprising: while the glowing spots had long since faded, it really did seem that somehow the hue of Jesollae’s fur had changed slightly, and while the match wasn’t quite exact, it was dramatically closer to the shade of turquoise that my own Tiaileng sported than it had been before.

Once we touched down, Jesollae quickly excused herself, still looking uncharacteristically flustered. She quickly summoned the rest of her waiting entourage around her, one of them producing a curvy, complex-looking Tiaileng phone that she quickly brought up against her head, conversing in rapid-fire Tiaileng as the group hustled briskly back into the mansion.

For my part, though, I was content to take a moment to stretch and decompress from what had just happened, soaking in the afternoon sun as my own Tiaileng gathered around, seeming generally okay but still slightly stunned by what I’d somehow managed to do. Even Daledonne, usually quick with a resolution or calming explanation, seemed to be for the moment at a loss for words, instead staring back towards the mansion’s entrance with an inscrutable, contemplating expression.

Serrivanne was the first to break the silence. “So… do you think it’s really true? Did you actually manage to somehow get yourself assigned to a member of the Council?”

I kind of just shook my head slightly. “I have no idea. I… get the feeling that’s not supposed to happen, though…”

“Yeah,” Erilanna chimed in. “I mean, I know I implied that she had to take us into account, but I didn’t think she’d actually become part of us somehow…”

“We… don’t know that’s what will happen,” Daledonne said, still not turning to look at the rest of us. “Being on the Council is a complicated thing, and not being assigned is part of the sacrifice that those on the Council are asked to make. And since those on the council aren’t generally around any particular human for a long period of time, there really isn’t any risk of that happening. Something like this… it’s so unprecedented, I’d be surprised if they even have any rules or procedures at all for it happening…” He trailed off quickly, as though he was trying to somehow divine what those theoretical rules might happen to be.

“Hmm, maybe,” Erilanna replied, seeming far less concerned. “The thing was, though, the whole council came to a consensus that one of their own should be here. Something like this… I’m sure it means they’re even more interested right now. And if that’s true, and they let this stand, then…”

This time, Daledonne managed to turn back, looking somewhat less distracted as he reacted to that particular revelation. “Yes… it seems like the experiment that is Jesollae may be proceeding indefinitely…” I still couldn’t quite tell how he felt about that, but his reaction certainly wasn’t one of unbridled happiness.

For that matter, though, I still wasn’t quite sure how I felt about it myself. Frankly, the whole thing seemed so… impossible, just like everyone had been saying. That I could apparently tie a Tiaileng directly to me, with nothing more than a carefully placed flick of my fingers… I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but it seemed dangerous enough, least of all to my own sanity. Jesollae had been enough of a handful when she’d just been here for a temporary experiment, but if she was actually going to be assigned to me, actually going to be a part of my life from now on… I couldn’t help but feel myself shiver slightly at the notion that there was now no escaping whatsoever from everything she might have in store.

Still, there wasn’t much else to do but head back up the overly elaborate stairs and back inside the mansion, where one of Jesollae’s staff was waiting in the entryway to usher us into the great-room where Jesollae had given her initial briefing.

Apparently, her call hadn’t taken too much time, as in the intervening minutes she’d also managed to summon what looked to be every one of my assigned Tiaileng, who together with her staff were shuffling back and forth across the floor, carrying heavy pieces of furniture between them. As I watched them work to clear the center of the floor, hauling most of the furniture to sit up against the room’s walls, my current group of Tiaileng clustered around me a little closer. As each of them finished moving the furniture, the rest of my Tiaileng came over in small groups, talking amongst themselves about what they’d heard in hushed tones. Before they managed to get past my current entourage and start peppering me with questions, though, Jesollae managed to speak up, her voice heavy enough with command that all other conversations quickly ceased.

“As you’ve heard, we’ve… come upon a very unique situation indeed. I am assured by my colleagues that this is, in fact, only the third time in modern Tiaileng history that a member of the Council has undergone an assignment-type bond with a member of another species. However, given the specifics, and more directly the promise of the given situation, another consensus was quickly reached. As my mission here has now been given absolute priority over any other potential candidates, my other investigations have been immediately reassigned to lower-level members of my department.

“For the time being, it has been determined that my role on the council and my unexpected assignment are not mutually exclusive. However, as my main role on the council for the moment is to determine what your situation means for the ultimate promise of humankind’s true capabilities and potential, there has also been a consensus as to the urgency of the situation, and the concomitant acceleration of certain timetables. While the agreement remains valid, and we will continue to operate within those parameters, I’m afraid that the break I had been planning before commencement will no longer be able to happen. I’m sorry, but we really must get started immediately.”

She gestured Daledonne and Envelie over and quickly whispered something to them. As soon as she finished, they walked briskly back over towards us, nudging the Tiaileng clustered around away in ones and twos to form a sort of ragged shape that began to form up quickly as more Tiaileng added to it.

Once enough of them had been pried away to open up a path, Jesollae reached in, took my arm, and guided me over to the center of what I realized was a rapidly-forming circle. She then stepped away to join it herself, and as I looked around, the formation was quickly completed.

Looking around, I realized that every single Tiaileng in the house was gathered around me in a carefully spaced circle, each one of them equidistant from me in the center. All of them had their hands out to their sides, but none of them were holding each other’s - instead, they held them in such a way that there was maybe just a few inches between their fingertips. I turned around in place, verifying that they really were all there: my Tiaileng and all of Jesollae’s entourage, with the exception of one who was in the corner where the light controls were, slowly dimming the overhead lights towards the faintest sort of ambient, dusk-like glow.

“Um… what, exactly, are we trying to do here?” I asked, turning back to Jesollae, who had that particularly determined look on her face again.

“It’s quite simple, actually. I’ve really only seen you interact with your Tiaileng in a… partial way, mostly in small groups, and never particularly carefully. No, if we’re going to get started, I want to see just what sort of connections between multiple Tiaileng you’re capable of - and to get a sense of just how close to your limits you actually are…”